Fanfiction.net
Fanfiction.net began in 1939, invented by Josef Mengele as a means to test the limits of human endurance on Jews. Formed with the sole purpose of Harry Potter slash in mind, the basic premise allowed German teenagers to write their own stories, usually involving already-established pop culture icons such as -- Adolf Hitler, Kylie Minogue, and Peter Pan -- having graphic sex with each other. No shame, no taboos, no talent, no holds barred.
After World War II was won by Big Bird and the concentration camps were investigated, the Fanfiction.net project was reported missing. It later resurfaced in Argentina in the 1960s and was immediately extradited to America, where it stood trial for crimes against humanity, crimes against literature, and failure to make a decent bowl of chili. The jury took only two hours, however, to stun the world and announce that during its exile in Argentina, Fanfiction.net somehow learned to cook, and it made the best chili in the world. It was acquitted on all charges, though shame would forever be linked to its dubious name.
Following its newly-won independence, Fanfiction.net faded into obscurity for several decades. Many unsubstantiated rumors liked it romantically to Your Mom, however. Then, in 1999, Fanfiction.net reappeared online, reverting back to, and expanding upon, its intended purpose. Thousands of children the world over, lured to the dark side by its promises of reviews stating "wow holy shiet d00d ur such a godo writer u shud get pubelished!!!!12" began writing about their own favorite pop culture characters having sex. Interpol investigations have begun, but Fanfiction.net remains elusive, covering its tracks better than a South American coke lord.
Fanfiction.net also has a warrant out for its arrest for 156,000 charges of child pornography.
Population
Fanfiction.net currently holds roughly 121,000 children; teenagers; and sad, lonely, middle-aged men, though numbers grow by the minute. All estimates suggest that the userbase is broken down as follows:
- 10,200 children under the age of 13
- 50,000 teenagers
- 10,000 sad, lonely, middle-aged men
- 40,800 vacated accounts of people who realized that they have something better to do with their life
- 50,000 tourists, at any given moment, masturbating to stories about Hermione turning into a cat and being savagely raped by Lord Voldemort.
Side-effects
Prolonged exposure to Fanfiction.net has been linked to many debilitating diseases, including (but not limited to):
- Shaking
- Seizures
- The common cold
- Cancer
- AIDS
- Anal leakage
- Becoming a failure in life
- Being a pitied fool
- The existence of Canada
- "Teh Fungus"
Did you know...
- ...that Fanfiction.net's admin team can speak 32 languages fluently?
- ...that Fanfiction.net's founder was a contender to be the next Pope?
- ...that there is a popular sandwich in Britain named the Fictioner, made of ham and hard-core sex scenes?
- ...that Fanfiction.net is also a town in Wyoming?
- ...that, on any given day, there will be three times as many people offended by the deviant actions described on Fanfiction.net as the population of Japan?
- ...that God once had a Fanfiction.net account, with only one posted story ("Adam & Eve Meet Pokémon")?
- ...that this fact has absolutely nothing to do with Fanfiction.net?
- ...that Fanfiction.net once had moderators, but they were eaten by a wave of horny 13-year-olds who demanded more homosexual sex scenes between minors and anthropomorphic animals?
- ...that Fanfiction.net's founder used to sing backup for 'NSYNC?
See also
External links
- "The Misadventures of Draco Malfoy, Ferret"
- "Halo: Halos in Space"
- "Castlevania: Wisps of Dracula"
- "The Best of Both Worlds"
- "TIME OF YOUR LIFE"
- Fanfiction.net
- Fictionpress.com
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