Cancer
Cancer, more commonly referred to as Cancer-O's, are an up-and-coming breakfast cereal. It is commonly paired with Cancer (beverage) in lieu of milk, as adding milk gives it the molecular structure of Nitroglycerine. According to the State of California, everything causes cancer or other reproductive harm.
History of Cancer[edit | edit source]
The idea of Cancer came from Marie Curie, who, after working throughout the night on radioactive materials, wanted something delicious and nutritious, created it with some extra ingredients she had on-hand from the radioactivity experiments. Cancer first began appearing on store shelves in the 1960's, however it began getting widespread popularity when the United States declared war on cancer in 1971 for being "Too damn tasty!" In the modern day, Cancer has recently risen up in popularity amongst certain groups, such as:
- Smokers
- Elderly People
- People within a 10 mile radius of a failing Nuclear Reactor
- Your Grandma
It has also recently gained in popularity due to it not requiring something like an orange to be eaten alongside it for a "complete breakfast."
Ingredients of Cancer[edit | edit source]
Cancer is an outlier in the breakfast cereal group, being the only widely consumed cereal that is not approved by the FDA, meaning it does not have to have a nutrition label like the other ones. Instead, it has a big scratch-&-sniff patch that smells like burnt plastic. This has not prevented people from guessing on what is inside of Cancer, believing it may contain such ingredients such as: Nicotine, Agent Orange, Hair Dye, Talcum Powder, Fluoridized Water, and Radon, among other possible ingredients. While these ingredients are mostly deadly/addictive, Talcum Powder and Water Fluoridation is known to be healthy, which cancels out the bad stuff, leaving the cereal with only the delicious (and somewhat addictive) flavor of Cancer-O's.
Notable Comments on Cancer[edit | edit source]
“Pretty tasty... Not as good as meningitis, however.”
“George Bush doesn't care what's in Cancer, he thinks it's delicious... and so do I!”
“In Soviet Russia, Cancer eats You!”
“AAAAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAA!”
“I've got it!”
Other Cancer Products & Cancer Accessories[edit | edit source]
See also[edit | edit source]
Damnation · Flagellation · Flood · Death of Your First Born · Frogs · Pestilence · Global Panic · Testicular torsion
Fire and Brimstone · Famine · Cancer · Papercuts of Doom · Damaged goods · Sudden Death · Reaganomics
Spontaneous Combustion · Decapitation Disease · Marriage · Melenoma · Meteors · Pedicornwallification
