Delaware

The rockin' state of Delaware must be on here somewhere.

“Dela-where?”

~ Joe Biden on Delaware

“Hi.... I'm in Delaware”

~ Wayne Campbell on Delaware

Every summer, I get to visit my Uncle Frank in Delaware. It is so much fun, I'm going to tell you all about it. That's because Delaware is simply the greatest. If you don't know where it is, just look on a map. There's one right there, so today must be extra lucky for you.

Day 1

Today I drive to Uncle Frank's house. In Delaware, there's only one road, so you can't get lost. There are yellow lines painted on the road. I like to count them. The last time I went to Uncle Frank's house, I counted 1,538 yellow lines. I am going to count them again today to see if I got it right the last time.

This is how Delaware looks when you look east, or maybe west.

This is how Delaware looks when you look west, or maybe east.

This is how Delaware looks when you look south.

1,

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7,

8,

9,

10,

11,

12,

13,

14,

...

415,

416,

417,

418,

419,

...

1,245,

This is how Delaware looks when you look north. Note the pebble, but keep in mind that I saw it first.

1,246,

1,247,

1,248,

1,249,

1,250,

1,251,

1,252,

1,253,

Look, a pebble!

1,254,

...

1,525,

1,526,

1,527,

1,528,

1,529!

Here we are at Uncle Frank's house! I counted 1,529 lines. That's one more than last time. Uncle Frank is such a great guy. He lets me stay at his house for an entire week. Unfortunately, I can only stay for four days because I need to get back to my job. Just four days. I have no idea how I am going to fit all the fun stuff I want to do.

Day 2

Today I sat on the porch and contemplated a pebble. Now, if you're considering visiting Delaware and think that doesn't sound like much fun to you, just remember that you don't have to look at the same particular pebble I looked at. I mean, there are pebbles everywhere! I've never gotten the chance to look at all of them yet. *Sigh.*

I asked Uncle Frank if he had counted all of the pebbles in Delaware, because I figured that someone who had lived there for so long would have done that by now. He took the bottle he had out of his mouth and said, "Kid, I don't give a shit about pebbles."

Later, I was looking at the sky and an ant crawled up my arm. It tickled!

Day 3

Isn't Uncle Frank's house great?

Uncle Frank's house must be the biggest house in Delaware! It might also be the only house in Delaware. I've never counted the houses. There are just too many pebbles and yellow lines.

Uncle Frank's house smells kinda funny. It smells like grain alcohol. Uncle Frank seems kinda grumpy a lot of the time. I just don't understand it. How can you be grumpy when you live in a place like Delaware? I mean, this must be the best place in the world.

Well... I guess if you have fun all the time, you kinda get burnt out. Maybe... maybe he has occasional fun doing boring stuff, like skydiving. I've seen people skydive before. All they did was fall for hours on end. Uncle Frank says he'd like to go skydiving without a parachute sometime. I guess that would be a little less boring, but still.

Day 4

Today I saw a squirrel. For all I know, it might have been the only squirrel in Delaware. Wow! I bet it lives in a tree somewhere. I bet trees here look completely different from trees anywhere else. On the state border, I saw a sign that said

WELCOME TO DELAWARE

POPULATION: 1 SQUIRREL

ALSO: 1 TREE

I noticed they forgot to mention 1 super fun person — my Uncle Frank — but they can't get every single person in a state to do the census, so I guess it would be a little off. You have to admit, a difference of 1 ain't bad. I bet no other state comes that close.

Day 5

There are never any clouds in Delaware. That's probably another reason why Delaware is the best place in the world.

Uncle Frank's house has a lot of residents. I see lots of little animals crawling under the floorboards. I try making friends with them, but they always run away from me.

Day 6

Today I have to leave Delaware.

I hate New York City. There's nothing to do there. I work five days a week in a corner office on the forty-second floor. Sure, I guess the skyline looks okay sometimes, but when you think about it, it's just concrete, and steel, and glass. Uncle Frank asked me if he could come with me back to New York. I politely declined, of course, because then I would start to get bored of him. If that happened, there would be nothing for me to do next weekend, when I come back to Delaware.