Twentieth Century (1934)
Walter Connolly: Oliver Webb
Photos
Quotes
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Mathew J. Clark : I've often thought I might like to devote myself to the theater. Would you think there might be a place for me?
Oliver Webb : Oh yes, yes. Probably fill a long-felt want.
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Owen O'Malley : Oh, Max, which one of these foul guinea hens is named Lily Garland?
Oliver Webb : Not so loud, Owen. We're discussing something.
Owen O'Malley : Hey, listen, you foul Corsican, these are orders from on high. I just encountered Mr. Jaffe in the lobby, all of a twitter.
Oliver Webb : Oh, is he here?
Owen O'Malley : Yes he's here and he wants the pulsing life story of this Lily Garland wench trumpeted through the press by tomorrow morning. Where is the little baggage?
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Oscar Jaffe : Did you hear that? She's left me.
Oliver Webb : Say the word, O.J., and I'll kill myself.
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Oliver Webb : "Joan of Arc." There was absolutely no excuse for that show. I told him so!
Owen O'Malley : He's going to end up in the breadline unless he finds out that these jittery horse operas with a lot of people staggering around in foul iron suits ain't entertainment.
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Oliver Webb : I don't know whether you realize it or not, Owen, but I've always had a terrific influence with her.
Owen O'Malley : Me too. Once I actually compelled her to admit it looked like rain.
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Oliver Webb : Hello, Myrtle, put the wizard on the wire. He's in the sanctum.
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Oliver Webb : What we need is a play, something she can read and see herself walking up and down the stage in.
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Oliver Webb : He won't kill himself. It would please too many people.
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Oscar Jaffe : I close...
Oliver Webb : Yeah, yeah, I know - the iron door!
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Oliver Webb : O.J., suppose - just hypothetically, of course - that you, Mr. Bromo, could get together again with Miss Seltzer.
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Oliver Webb : I've let that egomaniac jump up and down on my stomach for the last 16 years, but this is the end.
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Oliver Webb : What is it? What' s the matter?
Owen O'Malley : Hold your bonnets. The all-highest is on his way down amid a shower of meteors.
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Oliver Webb : I'm not talking to His Highness. If I was, I'd tell him something.
Owen O'Malley : About what?
Oliver Webb : About a million dollars' worth. A million bucks if Jaffe and that girl could get together again.
Owen O'Malley : Yes, Russia and Japan might get together, too.
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Oliver Webb : Give me a double bicarbonate of soda. That's the fifth I've had today!
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Oliver Webb : Yes, it would have been fine if the audience had known what it was all about.
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Oliver Webb : If that egomaniac were in his grave, the way I feel right now, I'd take a rope and tie it around his neck and take him on a Cook's Tour. He's played his last dirty trick on me.
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Oscar Jaffe : The reason I'm taking you back, Oliver, is on account of your wife.
Oliver Webb : I see.
Oscar Jaffe : No need to have the innocent suffer with the guilty.
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Oliver Webb : Now, that Hoboken Cinderella isn't going to do. That kind of acting is for pins in a basement.
Max Jacobs : You're telling me. She's hopeless! And the worst of it is that Jaffe's going to blame me for the fact that a lingerie model hasn't turned out to be a - Bernhardt. The more you direct her, the worse she gets.
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Oliver Webb : Where did you leave Jaffe?
Owen O'Malley : At the Morrison Hotel under the name of Hemingway, which he's adopted in his grief.
Oliver Webb : What are his plans, further than returning tomorrow?
Owen O'Malley : He's going to shoot himself - with a gun.
Oliver Webb : If he gets on that trapeze again, I'm going to hand him the revolver!
Owen O'Malley : He won't kill himself. It'd please too many people.
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Oliver Webb : Do you know how much he paid for long-distance calls to Hollywood last year? Eighteen hundred bucks! And she hung up on him every time.
Owen O'Malley : In some Humpty Dumpty way, that was true love.
Oliver Webb : Yeah, Romeo and Juliet.
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Oscar Jaffe : You Judas! Go to Mandlebaum or whatever his name is. You're fired!
Oliver Webb : I know, the iron door. Okay, okay! I've had enough!
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Oscar Jaffe : Oliver, our troubles are over!
Oliver Webb : Oh, are they? Where are you going to get a quarter of a million dollars to produce a spectacle like that? By waving your magic wand?
Oscar Jaffe : Don't talk about money matters now, Oliver.
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Owen O'Malley : The Black Watch, sire, with their bagpipes.
Oscar Jaffe : I suppose you're both drunk.
Oliver Webb : Drunk or sober, I'm here, ain't I?
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Oscar Jaffe : Come on, Oliver, we're going into action. Here, set that chair, center. Wait a minute, a little bit off-center. Fix the lights.
Oliver Webb : Lights!
Oscar Jaffe : We're gonna do this like the last act of "Camille".