Letter Boks

I READ that Christopher Columbus was 41 years old when he went to America, and as a consequence everyone celebrates him to this day. I was 25 when I first landed on the East Coast of the USA, and yet not one book has been written about me despite the fact that I beat Columbus by a good 16 years. Once again, it’s one rule, etc… you know the rest.

Rick Riley, Manchester

THEY say a bad workman always blames his tools. But they also say that a workman is only as good as the tools he uses. I’ve just put some shelves up on the wonk, and I don’t know whether I can blame my tools or not.

Thanston Crabb, Wisbech

WHILE listening to Radio 2, a caller asked if she could say hello to her husband in the next room. As fascinating as this was, I feel that a trained counsellor might be more adept at solving any communication problems this couple were having, rather than a Radio 2 DJ.

Senor Strongman, Santiago

THE other day, I noticed that the BBC national news devoted an entire segment to Donald Trump. For those readers not from Aberdeenshire and therefore unfamiliar with him, Mr Trump is a local golf course owner, whose constant moaning that he couldn’t bulldoze a unique SSSI sand dune habitat on his property has been a recurring news story on Grampian TV. Quite why he should make it onto nationwide news broadcasts, especially during a worldwide health crisis and with businesses going down like ninepins, is beyond me.

Melania Trophy-Holes, Aberdeen

WHENEVER I hear a politician say that we should “trust the Great British Public,” I remind myself that this is the public that put You’re the One that I Want by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John at Number 1 in the pop charts for 9 weeks in 1978.

Adrian Newth, Stratford-u-Avon

WHY is it that when pharmaceutical companies decide to do clinical trials for drugs, they always want healthy non-smokers of acertain age? You never see them asking for morbidly obese, 40-a-day, meat-lipped, gammon-eating alcoholics like most of the population. Come on, big pharma, let’s have a bit more equality. Iwant to earn money taking pills.

Darren Perambulator, Nottingham

I THINK a lot more people would understand poetry and perhaps even enjoy it if poets would stop talking in riddles and just say what they mean.

T.O’Neill, Glasgow

WHY can’t we have a prime minister like Sanna Marin, the leader of the Finnish parliament? She’s young and attractive, isn’t incompetent, doesn’t stumble on her words or give long pauses and she hasn’t got untidy straw-like hair. And she’s probably better in bed than our PM.

Bruce Goodman, Colchester

reference to the previous letter, it is only Mr Goodman’s opinion that our Prime Minister is incompetent. As for stumbling over his words and giving long pauses,? And Mr Johnson may have untidy hair, but perhaps that is because rather than vainly preening himself, he chooses to spend the time running the country. So in future, perhaps Mr Goodman should think before he makes comment. He’s probably right about her being better in bed, though. I’ve seen thousands of Scandi porn flicks and they’re fucking fantastic at it.