Dog food

Dog food, also called dog cuisine, is food made from dogs. It can be of many varieties, including hot dogs, dog biscuits, and steak. All kinds of dog are backed by PETA as a great source for tasty food, however the practice of eating dog is looked down upon in Asian countries such as Korea, China and Norway.

Types of dogs

There are many different types of dogs suitable for eating. Some, like the Mexican Hairless Dog, are easily found in 7-11 stores anywhere in your neighbourhood, although they are under the counter and you have to ask the Korean clerk.

Other dogs, like Foie Gras, are bred specially for taste. Dachshunds are for hot dogs. One should never use Shar Pei meat for hot dog as it is a waste of money, unless you are Bill Gates. One should not use Airedale as meat either, as it will bounce around in your stomach for days, eventually rendering you unable to see a dog without screaming, "CHEESE AND CRACKERS! GIVE ME BACK MY LLAMA!" Dog by-products may also be used, such as dog poop. It can also be found at times in the cases of imitation crabs of prostitutes.

Hot dogs

Raw hot dog. Note that the fur is taken off before cooking. Thus, no doggy smell.

Hot dogs are created by first mincing the dog and then cooking the meat by putting it in the remains of Chernobyl. This leaves it relatively hot, about 2000 degrees Celsius, so the meat must be placed inside a bread roll to protect the eater from having his or her hands burnt, or mutating from radiation. Dogs, especially exotic dogs, are sometimes scarce for use as food. When this occurs, lower quality meats such as roadkill are used.

Chili dogs

Much like a hot dog, but with an added layer of minced dog meat on top, mixed in with a secret Texas blend of herbs and spices. While it may seem redundant to have minced dog on top of a hot dog weiner, the mix of flavors make chili dogs especially intolerable. Like revenge, a dish best served cold.

Dog biscuits

Dog biscuits are made from heavily processed left-over dog meat that are freeze-dried and baked in an oven. This is often fed to dogs as a cheap replacement for real food so they can be used for hot dogs, steak or other meats (including dog biscuits).

Famous brand inlude Blendrich and Alpo.

Steak

Steak made from dog is the highest quality dog food known to man, making it quite expensive. Puppies are the best steak for eating as they are soft and tender. One can have them prepared rare, medium or well done. However, it is best to prepare them rare as the flavour of the dog is still there.

Tamales

While Taco Bell has bastardized the recipe, tamales were originally made with dogs. Chihuahuas were specifically bred for this purpose, since their flesh being the most tender that one could find in Mexico. The original recepie called for the dog meat to be harvested, finely diced, mixed with corn meal, then boiled in a corn husk and eaten. Dog tamales are traditionally served at Mexican weddings.

Asian cuisine

Various Asian countries use dog in their food preperation. Ditto with cats. We're not sure what countries use dog or what specific dishes call for dog, but they use plenty of dogs in their cooking.

Many families in China with three dogs name them "Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner". A popular name for a pet dog in Japan is "Menchi", which translated means "Emergency Food Supply". Many families in Asia, if dog is not their regular food source, will keep a dog during good times and fatten it up so when a drought or emergency occurs, the dog can be used for food when there is none.