there is something known as the Federal Unemployment Tax Act

and they refer to it via acronym

all the time

Everybody’s sucking off their NEET friend

Everybody’s pulling down her pants

Everybody’s eating out her back-end

Everybody’s gooning in a trance

I’m the ritzler

it’s like looking through someone’s trash, it tells a story

doing the “we’re all one race, the human race” thing but with the fact that tectonics-wise it’s all just Afro-Eurasia

its okay you can name them

honestly they slap and i will not be silenced. maybe it’s because they’re like manna when you’re sick and can’t keep anything else down

One morning when I was a teenager (maybe freshman or sophomore year) I woke up and left my room to get some breakfast. In the kitchen there was a man I’d never seen before standing in front of our fridge inspecting its contents. He noticed me, and asked if we had any beer.

I said “No,” and lingered for a second, more bewildered than anything else. Then my brain started working, and I realized how Not Very Safe the situation was. I turned around and walked around the corner, then to my mom’s room, which was the furthest I could get while putting a door between me and the man. I closed and locked the door before typing out a message on my school iPad to my brother, who I could hear in the shower the next room over. I could also hear the sound of paper tearing from the direction of the kitchen, but then it went quiet. The problem was that I’d forgotten the latch bolt in that door was a bit quirky, and that it needed a little extra force to make sure the door was shut properly. So when the man tried the door, it swung open.

The first thing he did was apologize. I had been in nothing but my boxers this whole time, and for whatever reason this was the moment he detected some impropriety in the scene. Still, he approached me, and started asking me to swear by the Hippocratic Oath. I saw he had some pieces of paper in his hands, which turned out to be from my mom’s physical therapy textbooks. I played along and said yes as earnestly as I could, still not sure if it was some kind of weird game that I could play and win to stay unharmed. It seemed to satisfy him.

This is where things get fuzzy. I think he left at that point, just as my brother was leaving the shower. I talked to my brother, but he didn’t seem super concerned about the whole thing. I guess that lead to me matching that energy, because I went about the rest of my morning routine, typing out a recollection of what had happened to my mom while eating cereal. I actually left for school and got halfway there before I got a call from a friend of a friend saying he saw police pulling up to my house, and then got a call from my mom telling me to come back home. I got there and gave a statement to the police (i wasn’t based yet). Turns out the man was my mentally unwell next door neighbor. He lived with his parents, but I guess he slipped out and found his way into our backyard, where my brother had left the back door open. He’d had incidents like this in the past, but was never violent. My brother was aware of this, which is why he was so nonchalant earlier, but nobody had told me!

Ultimately nothing happened, no charges or anything, which I glad for since ultimately no harm was done, I guess. I stayed home from school and was shaken up for a while but now I look back at it as a weird thing. Still, there was a brief stretch of time that morning when I thought there was a serial killer or something of that ilk in our house, and that asking for beer or the hippocratic oath stuff was part of his M.O., like that axe murderer in New Orleans who only killed people when they didn’t have jazz playing. i hope this counts for your prompt, i have a hard time judging how scary this is because of how strange it was

will also prob rewrite this tomorrow since it’s kinda doodoo but it’s late and im tired

he really do be looking like his dad huh

i miss when he was like 13 and i could pretend he wasn’t gonna grow up to be a piece of doodoo

now, hero isn’t a word we use lightly

It’s crazy how libs are championing this. /r/politics is calling it masterful 4-d chess, because apparently republicans have to either let the deal through and give Brandon a “win” or block it and give Brandon a talking point on how he’s tough on immigration but the republicans aren’t.

Bro THEY DON’T CARE. If republican hypocrisy had any negative impact on voters there wouldn’t be any elected republicans left.

Love to have the most progressive president since FDR push draconian immigration policy in an attempt to play a game of gotcha with people who don’t care in front of voters who don’t care

10000000 (Paid, iOS/Android): Roguelite Match-3 dungeon crawler.

You Must Build a Boat (Paid, iOS/Android): Sequel to the above with additional mechanics, more developed campaign, NG+, and daily challenges.

Luck Be a Landlord (Paid, iOS/Android): Slot machine roguelike where you add symbols with each spin. No actual gambling. Slay the Spire style Ascension mode lets you defeat your landlord!

Slice and Dice (Paid w/ free trial, iOS/Android): Dice-rolling roguelike with lots of different modes/scenarios. If you buy it on itch.io you get both mobile and desktop versions.

Dicey Dungeons (Paid, iOS/Android): Another dice-rolling roguelike, this one from Terry Cavanagh (VVVVVV). More emphasis on story, wonderful art and music.

Super Auto Pets (Free w/ paid expansions, iOS/Android): Asynchronous auto-battler with cute emoji animals. Free base pack and weekly pack, plus a few paid expansions packs.

Simon Tatham’s Puzzles (Free, iOS/Android): FOSS collection of ~40 puzzle games.

Forkyz (Free, Android): Crossword puzzle app. Can download from a variety of free sources, even a few in French and German! Grab it off F-Droid.

I learned “sewer slide” is a thing recently

2 high school friends sent me happy birthday texts

maybe it’s gonna be alright 🥹

👁️👄👁️

take it and start looking for a new one immediately

The virgin pessimism vs the Chad indefatigable human spirit

My sister sent me pics of us when I was a baby and goddamn did I have a melon on me. Just an absurdly huge cranium hoolleeee