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North (1994 film)

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Where the hell are my parents?
~ North

North is a 1994 American comedy film about a boy named North who falls asleep and dreams of divorcing himself from his parents and finding new parents more suitable to his liking.

Directed by Rob Reiner, screenplay by Alan Zweibel and Andrew Scheinman, based on the novel North: The Tale of a 9-Year-Old Boy Who Becomes a Free Agent and Travels the World in Search of the Perfect Parents by Alan Zweibel.
A family comedy that appeals to the child in everyone.  (taglines)

Joey Fingers

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A bird in the hand is always greener than the grass under the other guy's bushes.  It's a metaphor used by gardeners and landscaping people in general.
~ Joey Fingers

Dialogue

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North: Where the hell are my parents?
Winchell: North, did you say the word hell? My, the summer's really broadened you.
North: Winchell, I've got exactly 10 minutes to find my parents, and if you don't tell me where they are, I'll show you how the summer's broadened me, you little asshole!
North: How does that get me into a good college?
Governor Ho: Well since we don't use the letters B, C, D, and F, you're pretty much guaranteed to get straight As.
North: What are you doing here?
Gabby: Well, I finished all my chores, I thought I'd get a little shootin' in.
North: No, I mean, have you ever been an Easter Bunny?
Gabby: Easter Bunny?
Pa Tex: Careful, son, Gabby's killed men for less than that.
North: Oh, sorry.
Gabby: No harm done.
Ma Tex: [to North] We'd like you show you how much we're looking forward to having you as our new son. Ready, Pa?
Pa Tex: Ready, Ma!
Ma Tex: [singing] We had a son who was trampled by a ton of longhorns, but you're very cute to fill his boots as flat as they may be.
Pa Tex: [singing] You'll yell "yippee-yi=yo" with the rodeo 'til the day's done.
Ma Tex: [singing] Then you'll make a lot of pals with buffalo gals.
Pa Tex: [whispering] Just leave some for me!
Ma Tex: Hey, there!
Ma Tex, Pa Tex: [singing with a chorus] We'll barbecue steaks and stew, feed you pumpkin pie, 'til your can's bigger than the big ol' Texas sky!
Ma Tex: [singing] You'll grow tall and play football, be famous!
Pa Tex: [singing] You'll grow more, own a chain of stores, marry Betty Lou!
Ma Tex, Pa Tex: [singing with a chorus] Oh, North, North! Grow more!
[song ends]
Pa Tex: 'Nother rib, son?
News Reporter: Arthur Belt, the rising politician who drafted the bill...
Arthur Belt: [Winchell shuts off the TV] Wait! They were talking about me!
Winchell: Relax, Arthur, pretty soon you'll be hearing your name so much even YOU will be sick of it.
Arthur Belt: I highly doubt it.

Taglines

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Quotes about the film

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I hated this movie.  Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie.  Hated it.
~ Roger Ebert
  • I hated this movie.  Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie.  Hated it.  Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it.  Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it.  Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
  • The premise of North sounds flat, the previews look insipid, and, while the movie doesn't turn out nearly as bad as either would lead you to believe, North is still a lackluster production.

Cast

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Voice cast

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