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Dumb and Dumber

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Dumb and Dumber is a 1994 comedy film starring about two well-meaning but inept friends who travel across the country to Aspen, Colorado to try to give back a briefcase left in an airport as part of a ransom payment.

Directed by Peter Farrelly. Written by Peter Farrelly, Bennett Yellin and Bobby Farrelly.
What the one doesn't have, the other is missing. (taglines)

Lloyd Christmas

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  • Life's a fragile thing, Harr. One minute you're chewin' on a burger, and the next minute you're dead meat.
  • Hey. Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? [makes a loud, weird noise]
  • [pretends to promote Turbo Lax] One half teaspoon, for fast, effective relief.
  • [after dumping Turbo Lax in Harry's tea] To my friend, Harry... the matchmaker.
  • (about a passing woman at the preservation society) I'd like to eat her liver with some "farver" beans and a nice bottle of chianti! [he and Harry imitate Hannibal Lecter]
  • Mary, I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.
  • [deleted scene] Let me ask you something. Do you want to end up like Petey? Dead? In some flea-ridden apartment? Face down in your own droppings? A soggy sunflower seed pressed against your beak? Come on, Harry! Don't you see what Petey was trying to say to you? You got to take life by the balls! Chew it up and spit it out! Dance to the tune of a different drummer! Spread your wings and fly and run and jump! God, help me!

Harry Dunne

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  • Yeah, I'm heading to Aspen myself. Maybe we could meet up and have some hot chocolate.
  • You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!
  • [to Mary, while looking at a pair of owls] Nice set of hooters you got there.

Dialogue

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Lloyd: [upon hearing Petey's death] Ohh...! That's it. I've had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
Harry: Okay, just calm down!
Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry?! We gotta get outta this town!
Harry: Yeah, and go where, huh? Where are we gonna go?
Lloyd: I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.
Harry: I don't know, Lloyd, the French are assholes. Wait a minute. [gets up from his chair] Wait a minute! I know what you're up to, mister. Yeah! You just wanna go to Aspen and find that girl who lost her briefcase and you need me to drive you there, right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right, Lloyd?
Lloyd: Yeah, so? Yeah! So? So I wanna go someplace where we know somebody who can plug us into the social pipeline.
Harry: No! No, no, no, no, Lloyd! No! I say we stay here, we hunt for jobs and we keep saving money for the wormstore! I don't know about you, but I am getting sick and tired of running from creditors.
Lloyd: You know what I'm sick and tired of, Harry? I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life. I'm sick and tired of being a nobody. But most of all... I'm sick and tired of having nobody.
Harry: Okay, Lloyd. Aspen it is.
Lloyd: You better not be fooling. [walks over to Harry and hugs him while crying]
Harry: Okay, okay. Just let it out. Have a good cry, come on. Okay, that's enough.
Lloyd: I'm only human, Harry! Anybody can make a mistake. Come on! Stop bein' a baby! So we backtracked a tad!
Harry: A TAD?!! (he furiously runs up to Lloyd) A tad, Lloyd?! You drove almost a 6th of the way across the country in the wrong... DIRECTION!!! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen! We don't have enough money to get home! We don't have enough money to eat! We don't have enough money... TO SLEEP!!
Lloyd: Well, it's not gonna do us any good to sit here whinin' about it. We're in a hole. We're just gonna have to dig ourselves out.
Harry: (nods unhappily) Okay. Right. You're right. You're absolutely right, Lloyd.
(he's about to walk away)
Lloyd: Where ya goin'?
Harry: Home. I'm walking home!
Lloyd: Oh! Well, pardon me, Mr. PERFECT!!! (nervously laughs) I guess I forgot that you never, ever make a mistake!
Joe: (sees a note on Harry and Lloyd's door) Those rat bastards. They're rubbin' it right in our faces.
Shay: Man! Andre'll have a goddamn hemorrage if we don't get that briefcase back!
Joe: They must've been followin' us for weeks.
Shay: Why ya say?
Joe: "Gas Man". How the hell do they know that I got gas?
Shay: They gotta be pros.
Joe: Don't worry. We're gonna get that money back. And I'll tell you somethin' else. They ain't never gettin' to Aspen. I'm gonna see to that. [crumples the note]
Harry: Hey, where'd you get those?
Lloyd: I bought them when we filled up.
Harry: We're supposed to talk about our expenditures, Lloyd. We're on a very tight budget.
Lloyd: This didn't come out of our travel fund. I was able to raise twenty-five extra bucks before we left.
Harry: Where did you get twenty-five extra bucks?
Lloyd: I sold some stuff to Billy in 4C.
Harry: The blind kid?!
Lloyd: Yeah! ... Yeah.
Harry: What did you sell him, Lloyd?
Lloyd: Stuff.
Harry: What kind of stuff?
Lloyd: I dunno. A few baseball cards, a sack of marbles. (fake coughs) Petey.
Harry: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid?! Lloyd!! What are you -?! Petey didn't even have a head!
Lloyd: Harry. I took care of it
[It's revealed that Lloyd taped Petey's head back on. Badly. The bird is being stroked by Billy]
Billy: Pretty bird. Yeah, can you say pretty bird? Pretty bird. Yes, pretty bird. Pretty bird. Polly want a cracker?
Joe: [after punching the guy behind him while he is on the phone with Nicholas] I'm sorry, Mr. Andre. You were saying?
Nicholas: Look, Mental. Those jokers have got a lot of money that belongs to me! I wanna know who they are and what they're doing with it!
Joe: Hey, hey, hey. I told you already, I'm on it. Alright?
Nicholas: Good. [Hangs up and drinks his cup]
Joe: [on the phone with Nicholas] Yeah, it's Mental. I'm just sitting down to a nice meal with our boys.
Nicholas: Oh, how nice for you. Don't forget that your bread plate is on the left! Look, I can't have these guys runnin' around Aspen!
Joe: Don't worry. They ain't gonna be runnin' around nowhere after I dump a little rat poison in their Shirley Temple.
Harry: Hi, Lloyd.
Lloyd: Hi, Harry.
Harry: How was your day?
Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jetway again.
Harry: So you got fired again?
Lloyd: Yeah, they always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya know.
Harry: Yeah, I lost my job too.
Lloyd: Man, You are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaffs my ass, though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog.
Lloyd: Hi, Petey!
Harry: The alarm alone cost me 200.
Lloyd: Hey! Chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.
Harry: What's with the briefcase?
Lloyd: It's a love memento. The most beautiful woman alive. I drove her to the airport, sparks flew, emotions ran high. She actually talked to me, man.
Harry: Get out of here.
Lloyd: Oh, yeah, yeah, tractor beam. [imitates tractor beam by whistling] Sucked me right in. Anyway... she left this in the terminal and flew to Aspen and out of my life.
Harry: What's in it?
Lloyd: Man... I would have to be a lowlife to go rooting around in somebody else's private property.
Harry: Is it locked?
Lloyd: Yeah, really well.
Nicholas: Which one of you losers wants to get it first?
Lloyd: Over here. I was the one who got us into this whole mess. C'mon, shoot me.
Harry: No! Wait. Do me first. I stole your girl, Lloyd, I deserve it.
Lloyd: No, you don't.
Harry: Yes, I do.
Lloyd: No, you don't. No, you don't!
Harry: Yes, I do! Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life! Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg.
Lloyd: [sarcastically] Okay. Kill him!
[Nicholas shoots Harry, and Harry faints, seemingly dead]
Lloyd: Oh, no! [whimpers; to Nicholas] You killed my best friend, you bastard!
Nicholas: [points his gun at Lloyd] If it's any consolation, you're about to be reunited.
[but before he can attempt to shoot, Harry, fully recovered, extracts his gun, and tries to shoot Nicholas, but misses]
Lloyd: Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot.
Nicholas: Lucky me.
Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it.
Harry: [nudges Lloyd] You're it.
Lloyd: [nudges Harry] You're it, quitsies!
Harry: Anti-quitsies. [nudges Lloyd] You're it! Quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
Lloyd: You can't do that!
Harry: Can too!
Lloyd: Cannot, stamped it!
Harry: Can too, double stamped it, no erasies!
Lloyd: Cannot, triple stamped it, no erasies, touch blue make it true. [puts his hands over his ears and sings]
Harry: No! No! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! You can't triple stamp a double stamp, Lloyd! You can't triple stamp a double stamp! LLOYD! LLOYD! You c--
Joe: GUYS!!! ENOUGH!!
Lloyd: Hey... want to hear the most annoying sound in the world? [makes a really loud noise and Harry does it with him]
Joe: GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! Fellas... you think we could... listen to the radio or something?
Lloyd: Radio? Who needs a radio? Ready, Harry? [singing] Mock...
Harry: [singing] Yeah...
Lloyd: Ing...
Harry: Yeah...
Lloyd: Bird...
Harry: Yeah...
Lloyd: Yeah...
Harry: Yeah...
Both: [singing] Mockingbird, everybody have you heard?

She's gonna buy me a mockingbird And if that mockingbird don't sing She's gonna buy me a diamond ring And if that diamond ring don't shine...

Harry: Hey, Lloyd, look! There's some people who wanna ride too.
Lloyd: Pick 'em up!
Beth: The number's 555-...
Harry: (quietly and rapidly) 555-...
Beth: 905-- Wait a minute, that's my old number. (laughs) That is so weird how your mind just goes blank!
Harry: (screams while his left leg is on fire) FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!!
Beth: Okay, look. Uh, you're gonna get pushy, forget about it!
(she drives away)

Taglines

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  • What the one doesn't have, the other is missing.
  • For Harry and Lloyd every day is a no-brainer.

Cast

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See also

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Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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