User:LoganW501/sandbox

Abby's Feedback~~~~

Content-

1.The content is very comprehensive, the paragraph was paraphrased very well.

2. The text is relevant, it explains Patrick Kelly's history of how he became successful.

3. The added text does not seem to duplicate any other sections of the previous Wikipedia article.

Organization-

1. The additions are organized very logically, I think they would fit in very well in the beginning of the article to explain his history.
2. The sentences flow very well together and are well written.
3. This addition flows with the rest of her article I think it fits in well with the rest of the information.
4. I did not find any grammatical errors with her addition. The language is very professional.

Tone-

1. The tone is very neutral and unbiased for the Wikipedia article.

Sources-

The sources seem very reliable, most of them seem to come from scholarly journals.

Just a few short months after feeling as though he was not going to make it in New York, Kelly received a one way ticket to Paris. Kelly later states that he doesn’t think that he would not have made it big in New York, it is just that he never got the chance to find out. Kelly sold his garments on the streets of Paris. Brightly colored dresses with buttons, hearts, and bows were displayed. He called the street clothes that he sold “fast fashions”. It was not until 1985 that he got the break he had been hoping for. Elk, a French fashion magazine promoted his brightly colored tube dresses that were once sold on the sidewalk. Patrick Kelly made a lasting effect on the fashion industry, his designs can be seen in collections such as Gucci, Moncler, and Converse. There is controversy regarding his sense of humor when using racially profound designs. Kelly was a man who enjoyed pushing the limits of social normality. Dily Blum, an exhibition curator for Kelly explains some of the many ways he would use fashion as a way for people to interact with their racial predispositions, "He handed out racist pickaninny dolls for white society ladies to pin to their lapels, designed a watermelon hat to be worn by a black model (the watermelon is an old symbol of racist iconography in the US – Kelly was reclaiming it) and the logo he splashed across his boutique bags was the cartoonish face of a golliwog, an image he was beginning to make his own.

Wenqi's Feedback

According to "1979" in your writing, I assume you will add your writing to the section "Career" first paragraph. You additions are appropriate and detailed. Your writing style is consistent with the original Wiki article.

Some suggestions and questions: 1) Since both you and the Wiki article mentioned 1979, you need to check what happened in 1979, based on which you make some revision to incorporate your editing into your Wiki article. 2) Remove "of course" because it sounds personal rather than neutral. 3) Same problem with "1985" as "1979". 4) replace "adorned" with other synonyms to avoid repetition because the same word was used in the paragraph where you will add your writing.5) Do proofreading.

Peer Review Amanda O'Brien 19:33, 25 February 2019 (UTC) Content- Both pharaphrased pharagraph and the origional pharagraph are both the same length. I do believe that this source is very relevant to the article. It might be helpful to add more information to make the pharaphrased part longer and have more information. Organization- This addition is very well organized. It is easy to understand. Something that I think you should include is some more information about Kelly. I think you did a good job on not copying anything word for word. Tone- The tone used is the same as what I am used to reading/seeing on a wikipedia article! Sources-This source feels like it would be very reliable. Nice find! Aleighob2 (talk) 19:57, 22 February 2019 (UTC)