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Talk:Geoffrey Massey/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:56, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • "As an urban planner he was " -> "As an urban planner, Massey was..." (you've mentioned Erickson in between so "he" is uncertain).
  • "city of Vancouver and development of Granville Island in the city." repetitive use of "city" in one sentence.
  • No need to link common geographical places like London.
  • Question: which Engvar? "a theater artist" theatre for Brit.
  • "father's career took him to Broadway" feels out of order as you've already said his father was a Broadway actor.
  • "Canadian military" any more, like which arm?
  • Bachelor of Arts is normally capitalised.
  • "towards urban design, including introduction" I would split these.
  • Interestingly, Chandigarh doesn't mention "grounds-up" or "ground-up" (although to me the latter makes more sense).
  • "building a new township Kitimat" -> "building Kitimat, a new township, ..."
  • "designs and rigid design templates.[1] He met Arthur Erickson and they partnered on many design projects" "design" overdose.
  • "met Arthur Erickson and they partnered on many design projects.[3] ... Partnering with Erickson," repetitive.
  • "that would beat 71 other submissions to end up winning the competition." -> "that beat 71 other submissions to win the competition."
  • "and going for a " -> "and adopting a"
  • "Earlier in 1963," reads odd, like you're saying "earlier in the year". Do you mean "Earlier, in 1963, ..."
  • "architect, Ron Thom, to win"' our article calls him Ronald, any reason we don't here?
  • "He became a ..." he ... he ... he ... he .... mix it up a bit.
  • "her modernist house" overlinked.
  • "Source(s):" well, there are four, so just "Sources:" would be fine.
  • I would expect "notable" works to have articles.

"*  Done changed. Ktin (talk) 19:33, 1 April 2021 (UTC) That's all I have for a first pass, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 19:54, 31 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Many thanks for this detailed and thoughtful feedback. Let me work on these pointers and will notify you once the changes are ready for your eyes. Ktin (talk) 20:11, 31 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Another set of comments

[edit]

I had thought of reviewing this article but then didn't have the time. But I made a few notes at the time, which I have reproduced here for whatever they are worth:

  • His father was a very well-known film actor, not just theatre.
  • Geoffrey was raised by his famous father, how did that affect him?
  • Sources are dominated by obituaries, would be good to have some other kinds of sources.
  • In particular would be good to have some real architectural criticism.
  • fns 3 and 4 are to the same thing
  • Why did his partnership with Erickson end?
  • '... due to agonies ...' – that word seems a little over the top.
  • In what branch of Canadian military did he serve, and in what role?

Needless to say, you are free to act on these comments or not as you see fit. Wasted Time R (talk) 17:26, 1 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ktin let me know when you think you might address these? The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 10:33, 7 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your patience on this one The Rambling Man. Certain off-wiki / IRL activities have meant that I have not been able to spend much time on Wiki, and this is expected to continue through mid-next week. Please can I request some additional time to get to this. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 16:05, 7 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your patience The Rambling Man. Have incorporated most of the requests. Please have a look at your convenience and let me know if you'd need anything more from my end. Cheers. Ktin (talk) 02:21, 19 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, that's fine, good to go. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 11:59, 21 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]