Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Arthur Sullivan (Australian soldier)/archive1
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted by Laser brain via FACBot (talk) 23 October 2020 [1].
- Nominator(s): Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:29, 18 September 2020 (UTC)
The twelfth and last instalment in my series of Featured Articles on South Australian Victoria Cross and George Cross recipients, Arthur Sullivan was a bank clerk who enlisted too late to serve in World War I. After the war ended he sought discharge from the Australian Army and joined the British North Russian Relief Force. He fought during the Allied intervention in the Russian Civil War, where he saved the lives of four members of his unit who had fallen into a river, some of whom had been wounded, and did all of this under intense fire from Bolshevik troops. Awarded the Victoria Cross, he survived the intervention and returned to Australia where he continued his successful career in banking. His reticence to talk of his exploits meant that he became known as the "Shy VC". He died in a freak accident while in London for the coronation of King George VI as part of the Australian Coronation Contingent in 1937. Have at it! Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:29, 18 September 2020 (UTC)
Image review
- Some images are missing alt text, while the VC has two
- Don't use fixed px size. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:10, 19 September 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks Nikkimaria, all done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:00, 20 September 2020 (UTC)
Comments Support by Hog Farm
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I'll try to take a look at this soon. Probably gonna claim 5 WikiCup points for this. Hog Farm Bacon 02:16, 23 September 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks, but don't bust a gut, Hog Farm. I'm going to have limited internet access from this Saturday till about 5 Oct. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:26, 23 September 2020 (UTC)
- But I have to have something to do during boring university classes
Hog Farm Bacon 02:37, 23 September 2020 (UTC)
- But I have to have something to do during boring university classes
- Infobox gives the birthplace as Crystal Brook, but the prose says he was technically born in Prospect, although he was raised in Crystal Brook. I get there's some question as to which one it was, based on the note, but you align with one in the prose and one in the body. Might be worth having the birthplace note in the infobox too, unless you consider it to be clutter
- Fixed to be consistent. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
- "On 30 October of the following year he returned to his home state" - Comma after year? I'm not good with commas, though, so I'll defer to your judgment on this.
- I don't think it is necessary. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
- "He played golf and football" - Which football? Association or Aussie Rules?
- Good point, Aussie Rules of course. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
- " training camp at Heytesbury, Wiltshire on 5 October 1918" - Geographic comma after Wiltshire?
- Yep, added. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
- " on board the Steigerwald" - What type of ship is this?
- cargo ship. Added. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
- Maybe link bayonets?
- "aboard the Nestor" - Either provide the ship type, or drop "the"
- "the manager of the Casino, New South Wales branch of the bank - Comma after New South Wales?
- yep, added. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
- "embarked at Melbourne on the SS Oronsay" - Drop "the" or call it a troopship or whatever it was
- ocean liner, added. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
- "The Oronsay sailed" - Drop "the", ship names without classes don't have the the
- "Chauvel was also a friend of Sullivan's and, as a director of the National Bank of Australasia, also knew Sullivan on a professional level." - Is there a way to remove one of the two alsos here
- dropped one. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
That's it for the prose stuff from me. Hog Farm Bacon 14:49, 23 September 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks for taking a look, Hog Farm, all done I reckon. Anything else? Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:56, 24 September 2020 (UTC)
Comments from Mike Christie
editSupport. I could find almost nothing to complain about. Below are a couple of very minor points and a question that I'm curious about, but these don't affect my support.
Australian recruits to the NRRF had to forego their repatriation rights
: I think this must mean that the AIF would pay to bring Australian soldiers back to Australia, and this is the right that had to be given up, but I think it should be clearer -- perhaps a footnote.- Clarified, I think. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:28, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
All four would have drowned if it was not for Sullivan's gallant action
: I don't think we need "gallant" -- the reader can see that for themselves. And "was" is wrong; it should be subjunctive, though that sounds odd to some ears. Suggest "All four would have drowned without Sullivan's action".Due to legislative requirements, Sullivan's inquest was conducted with his coffin in the court
: not at all necessary, but out of curiosity I'd be interested if this were linked (or redlinked) to the relevant law, if you know what it is.- Great question. A quick check indicates that s4 of the Coroners Act 1887 required the coroner and jury to view the body,[2] so this may be what is being referred to here. For reasons of convenience it may have been the practice to bring the body (in the coffin of course) to the court so the coroner and jurors could view it. Quinlivian doesn't say this though, what he says is what is in the article at present. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:28, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 10:26, 12 October 2020 (UTC)
- All done I reckon, Mike. Thanks for having a look! Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:28, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
Source review - pass
editPlan on hopefully getting this done tomorrow. Hog Farm Bacon 03:57, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Sources are all reliable, and the weakest source, the SA BDM, is used sparingly and only in a footnote along with other sources.
- "Arthur Percy Sullivan was born on 27 November 1896 at Prospect, South Australia,[a] the only child of Arthur Monks Sullivan, a storekeeper" - Source doesn't support that he was an only child, so far as I can tell
- It was hidden in the citation cluster about his POB, copied to the end of the sentence. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:58, 15 October 2020 (UTC)
- "The National Bank of Australasia gave Dorothy a gratuity of £250, sufficient to purchase a cottage near Manly so she could be close to friends and family. In March 1939, Sullivan's mother presented an enlarged photograph of her son to the Crystal Brook Primary School" - Of these two sentences, only the second is backed up by the citation
- "For most conspicuous bravery and devotion to duty on the 10th August 1919" - This is from the block VC quote. Both the National Archives and the London Gazette quotes include a comma after the word August
- It is terrible grammar, but added. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:58, 15 October 2020 (UTC)
I've done some pretty large-scale spot checks, and this is all I can find. I'm pretty confident that this article does a good job of being faithful to the sources, although I can't access Quinlivian and Challinger, which are the two heaviest-used sources. Hog Farm Bacon 14:30, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks for picking these up, Hog Farm! Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:58, 15 October 2020 (UTC)
CommentsSupport from Aza24
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I'll leave some either tomorrow, or more likely the day after. Aza24 (talk) 04:04, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Note to coords, I do some stuff with MILHIST occasionally, but I'm a non-expert here
- Another note, in going through this I only find very minor issues, so feel free to disregard anything that you may disagree with – nothing here would prevent my support
- 28 May is also 1919? Would add just to avoid possible confusion with this date that seems to be especially important
- Sure, added. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:14, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
- Why is he referred to as "Arthur" instead of "Sullivan" after "Beginning on 9 February 1904"? If it's to avoid confusion with his parents I'm not sure that does much since his dad's name was Arthur as well
- Good point. Changed to "he". Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:14, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
- The last four sentences of Early life have two in a row that begin with "On" and then two that being with "He", some variation may be worth considering
- Since he saw no action in WW1, I'm wording if this should be a note in the infobox or something after WW1? Not sure what procedure for this is
- Actually, anyone who left Australia was considered to have served in WWI (and got the relevant medals, presumably on the basis that their troopship could have been sunk by a u-boat etc), so I don't think it is necessary to note in the infobox that he didn't see combat per se. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:24, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
The Australian government specified that Australian recruits to the NRRF had to forego their right to be repatriated to Australia by the Australian government, and could not be married
seems like redundant phrasing, surely "to Australia by the Australian government" is implied?
- Yes, fixed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:24, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
- What is "D Company" referring to – can this be clarified? The current phrasing makes it sound like something different than 45th RF when I'm assuming it isn't?
- A sub-unit, clarified. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:24, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
- Could you add a sentence clarifying that the VC was never actually raffled?
- Clarified. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:24, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Upon his return to Australia, he returned" sounds odd with the double "return"
- Yes, used "resumed". Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:24, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
- Commemorative March should probably be lowercase, unless I'm missing something
- It is the proper name for the march. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:24, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
- That's all I got... Aza24 (talk) 04:46, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks so much for taking a look, Aza24. I think I've addressed all your points, happy to discuss further. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:14, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
- No need for that, I'm happy to Support this nomination for featured status. Aza24 (talk) 21:43, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks so much for taking a look, Aza24. I think I've addressed all your points, happy to discuss further. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:14, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
Comments Support by Pendright
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Greetings PM - I have a few comments.
Lead
- Sullivan was promoted to corporal in March 1919, but, wanting to see active service, sought his discharge from the AIF on 28 May.
- Consider this -> Sullivan was promoted to corporal in March 1919, but wanting to see active service he sought and received his discharge from the AIF on 28 May.
- He was in London for the coronation of King George VI as part of the Australian Coronation Contingent in 1937 when he died of head injuries received in a fall.
- Consider a comma after 1937?
To Russia
- Sullivan was hospitalised with gonorrhea at Bulford between 25 November 1918 and 11 March 1919.[21][22] He was promoted to acting corporal on 23 March, and served as a camp orderly room corporal at Codford.[5][23][24]
- After reading these two sentences a few times, the following things jumped out at me.
- Was he still posted at Heytesbury, Wiltshire, while in the Bulford hospital, or had he been transferred?
- Clarified. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:00, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- What about "sexually transmitted disease" rather than gonorrhea?
- The sources are explicit, so I think we can be. It was very common, of course. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:00, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Fair enough! Having served in the U.S. Navy for several years, I’m familiar with the term. Pendright (talk) 01:47, 15 October 2020 (UTC)
- The sources are explicit, so I think we can be. It was very common, of course. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:00, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- "Sullivan was hospitalised with gonorrhea" - this is about as straightforward as one can get. For my part, though, I think this delicate phrase would benefit from a few preliminary words like, While Sullivan was posted at xyz, he contracted and was hospitalized ... , or some other type of intro?
- Tidied this up. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:00, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Thes two sentences are poles apart, so they need a bridge of some sort between them. Maybe, In spite of this, or follwng his release ...
- These events all seem to have happened in England, as is much of this section?
- I think it ok though, because it is all about him going to Russia. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:00, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- After reading these two sentences a few times, the following things jumped out at me.
Dvina offensive
- They were ferried across the river to the village of Yakovlevskoye and set off on the afternoon of 7 August,[42] on a wide sweeping approach march of nearly 31 miles (50 km) through a thick forest to be in position for the attack at 12:00 on 10 August.[43]
- This is about a 50 word sentence -> Consider breaking it up into two sentences?
- Without their commander and running low on ammunition, the remaining officers decided to try to break out rather than push on towards Seltso.[46][47]
- Break out? spelling?
- Not sure what you mean here. Breakout vs break out? This is written in AustEng, we tend to use British forms. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:16, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- No problem! I thought I had checked it out - Sorry. Pendright (talk) 01:47, 15 October 2020 (UTC)
- Not sure what you mean here. Breakout vs break out? This is written in AustEng, we tend to use British forms. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:16, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Break out? spelling?
- After the river crossing, the column partly broke up into small groups that made their way back to the British lines at Troitsa about 07:00.
- Is hours needed after 07:00?
- When questioned about his name, Sullivan replied, "Corporal Sullivan VC to you, you pommie bastard".
- When questioned about his name, Sullivan replied, "Corporal Sullivan VC to you, you pommie bastard".
- "you pommie bastard"
- Consider linking pommie?
- Done. Not sure of you are suggesting something else as well? Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:16, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Whenever I have a statement in an article such as this, a reviewer always says, it should have a citation. What say you?
Later in life Australian Coranation
- On 9 April 1937, 34 days before King George VI's coronation, Sullivan attended an afternoon tea in St James's along with about fifty members of the ACC.
- to breakup the sequence of numbers, suggest adding the adjective "just" between them?
Done - Pendright (talk) 06:26, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks for looking this over, Pendright! Your reviews are always insightful. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 07:16, 14 October 2020 (UTC)
- Supporting! Always a pleasure - Pendright (talk) 01:47, 15 October 2020 (UTC)
Support Comments by JennyOz
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Hi PM, I noticed this nom at 'older noms' a few days ago so started a review. Since then though there's been a lot of activity. Still I think there are a couple of tweaks not yet brought up so here are my questions and suggestions (and one tiny spelling insistence!)
- He was in London for the coronation of - could change wlink to Coronation of the British monarch which mentions simultaneously crowned for Commonwealth realms. (I know you have George VI's coronation linked in body.) The Chauvel contingent is also mentioned here List of participants in the coronation processions of George VI
- linked both. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:20, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
- "the best Australian Rules Football player" and "He played golf and Australian rules football" - decap first mention, delink second?
- On 30 October of the following year - is "of" needed?
- This has been fixed by an earlier review. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:20, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
- the attendees all congregated at the town - remove all
- hospitalised at Bulford - refine wlink to Bulford Camp (1st Aust Dermatological hospital per "1st AD Hosp" in NAA p24 ref)
- on 23 March he was promoted to acting corporal - do you get actually "promoted" to an acting position? 'made' acting?
- yep. I was once. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:20, 19 October 2020 (UTC)
- had to forego their repatriation rights - forgo spelling (ie go without v go before)
- and could not be married - ambiguous? maybe 'must be single'
- allotted to the 45th Battalion, The Royal Fusiliers (45th RF) - no cap T on The Royal Fusiliers?
- The Australians were permitted to continue wearing Australian uniform - why "permitted"? Did they request such or was it convenience?
- Probably for convenience, but do doubt the Australians wanted to do so. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 10:09, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
- Caption: Members of the 45th Battalion, The Royal Fusiliers in North Russia in 1919, including a seated Australian wearing a slouch hat - remove cap T?. Are there are two men (not one) seated with slouch hats?
- village of Seltso - is this one? Seltso, Arkhangelsk Oblast (it's on the Dvina)
- thanks, done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 10:17, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
- the 3rd Brigade of the 18th Division - this one? 18th Rifle Division (Soviet Union)
- Can't believe I didn't look for that... Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 10:17, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
- that a swamp made a direct attack on the village impossible - 'the location of' a swamp?
- Yep, added. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 10:17, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
- hit by Bolshevik rifle and machine gun fire at a range of less than 330 feet (100 m). The fire from the Bolshevik ambush increased as the rearguard crossed, and four men fell into the swamp and were in danger of drowning. Despite the intense Bolshevik gunfire - 3 times "Bolshevik", could remove the second one?
- The crossing was via a crude single-plank bridge - 'over' rather than "via"?
- set about retrieving them - why not rescuing? It was at 02:30 therefore 'in the dark'?
- G'day Jenny, are you suggesting adding "in the dark" to the end of that sentence? Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 10:17, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
- Sorry, PM, no, not suggesting adding. It was just me amazed at his actions. I should have removed that from my notes before adding here. JennyOz (talk) 12:33, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
- G'day Jenny, are you suggesting adding "in the dark" to the end of that sentence? Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 10:17, 20 October 2020 (UTC)
- column partly broke up into small groups - remove partly? ie can't "partly" break up?
- spent exactly 100 days - "exactly" not needed?
- promulgated in The London Gazette. the citation - cap The citation
- one last welcome home - welcome home 'event'?
- welcome home on 6 January 1920, at - comma after "home"?
- at which he was the guest of honour - use Sullivan instead of "he" (because last person mentioned was Brown)
- at Government House, Adelaide on - comma after Adelaide
- These done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:45, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- Section "Dvina offensive" could be broken up? (It includes the fighting, the VC action, the return to England and his return to Aust.) Maybe break at "British forces successfully evacuated" with new section 'Departure/Return from Russia',... or at "The Australians arrived in Plymouth on 9 October" with 'Home to Australia' or similar?
- Upon his return to Australia, he returned to his former employment - 2 x return, maybe 'he resumed his former employment'?
- Fixed from another review. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:59, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- was promoted and had to be transferred to take up his new appointment as part of the bank's relieving staff. - was transferred do we know where?
- Presumably Adelaide, but the source doesn't say other than implying he left Maitland. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:59, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- They had three children, including twins, Moya born in 1931, and Brian and Shirley in 1933. - maybe better as 'They had three children, Moya born in 1931, and twins Brian and Shirley in 1933'?
- Sullivan was made the manager of the Casino, New South Wales, branch of the bank. - of the bank's Casino, New South Wales, branch?
- In 1937, he was selected to join - new section so Sullivan instead of "he"?
- Arthur Evans, VC, DCM, of the Lincolnshire Regiment - 'formerly' of the Lincolnshire Regiment? ie was serving in Australian Tank Corps at time of death?
- Sullivan had promised to return Evans' ashes - escort (or accompany) would be a better word here? (The ashes would have been "returned" to UK anyway.)
- piquet duty - a mil term I wasn't familiar with, it's on watch as at Picquet (military)?
- Sullivan did not take to being under military discipline again, as he was charged - 'and' he was charged?
- Yes, done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:59, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- On 9 April 1937, just 34 days before King George - "just" doesn't seem right here, sounds like 'only' and 34 days is quite a while. Maybe something more like 'a little over a month before'?
- Good point. Went with your suggestion. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:59, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- an afternoon tea in St James's along - is this at St James's Palace (as opposed to the wlinked district) ie where diplomatic receptions are held?
- The source makes it seem like in the district (which was then home to all sorts of men's clubs, palatial houses of the aristocracy etc), not the palace, because I think it would have said the palace if it meant that. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:59, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- It appears that he left the tea party early - drop "It appears that"?
- Sullivan had fallen before the cyclist hit him - collided with him?
- with his coffin in the court. - present in the court? (Actually, this says the coffin was in a hearse in the courtyard. Because the inquest was held the very same day as the funeral at the Guards Chapel, I'd guess (yep, only a guess), that the funeral couldn't go ahead until inquest decision and his coffin was only waiting outside the court in case coroner Oddie decided he needed to view the body. Does Quinlivian say in the court or at the court?)
- afforded a full military funeral - could wlink military funeral though the UK section isn't very informative
- Guards Chapel - wlink Guards Chapel, Wellington Barracks
- Afterwards, his body was cremated at Golders Green - add after a short service by George Green (chaplain) per here just ignore if too trivial
- His ashes were returned to Sydney - there was so much ceremony and such a long procession over the bridge to North Ryde! Too much to mention (eg and, and, etc) of course, but could change after "and a mourning party including nine VC recipients" for a procession to the Northern Suburbs Crematorium where his ashes were interred under a tree with the spot marked only by a simple metal plaque.
- Added some detail from those contemporary newspaper sources. Thanks for finding them. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:27, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- with the spot marked only by - remove only?
- misc - worth adding these links somewhere? North Russia intervention and Australian contribution to the Allied Intervention in Russia 1918–1919
- Whacked them in as "see also"
- Footnote 71 Quinlivian 2006, pp. 210. - single p
- Footnote 72 Quinlivian 2006, pp. 219. - single p
- Footnote 86 Quinlivian 2006, pp. 259–261, 264. - ampersand per others?
- Category Australian World War I recipients of the Victoria Cross - broader cat Australian recipients of the Victoria Cross? (though I do see that Samuel Pearse is also in the WWI cat)
- Fair enough, I did wonder about that earlier. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:27, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
That's all from me PM, sorry if I've doubled up on anything. A sad pleasure to read this, JennyOz (talk) 12:36, 18 October 2020 (UTC)
- No, that is absolutely great thanks, Jenny, I always light up when I see you've decided to review one of my noms. Always en pointe! Anything else that needs a tweak? Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:27, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- Thanks PM, this nom is a credit to you and another thorough rendition of a VC bio. I am very pleased to support it. JennyOz (talk) 11:36, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
@FAC coordinators: this is progressing well, and has a review from Mike (who is non-Milhist). Can I have a dispensation for a fresh nom, please? Thanks, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:14, 15 October 2020 (UTC)
- Sure PM, go ahead. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:57, 16 October 2020 (UTC)
- Closing note: This candidate has been promoted, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. --Laser brain (talk) 15:14, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.