This user does not understand that language is a massively nuanced entity which allows for analogising paralinguistic communication where it would not normally possible, and for the sake of presenting an image of intellectual superiority, chooses to enact a use of language limited to one minimally expressive formal register despite the spontaneous nature of the discourse at hand

♀This user is female.
This user identifies as a lesbian.
This user is interested in LGBTQ issues—which does not necessarily reflect the user's sexual orientation.
MixThis user has been influenced by too many dialects of English to use one orthography, vocabulary and grammar consistently.
AIM-AbleThis user understands AIM talk perfectly well, but does not seriously use it. Ever.
This user is interested in drama and acting.
This user enjoys writing.
This user is a book lover.
Quoth this user, "Nevermore."
QIThis user is Quite Interesting.
This user is more than happy to retain their "personality disorder(s)" and delights in telling their mental health professional to screw off.
ASThis user has Asperger syndrome.
This user supports stem cell research.
teenThis user is a teenager, not a stereotype.
🇩🇪This user is of German ancestry.
This user is of Irish ancestry.
This user is highly... um... What's that word again?
en-GB
-1
This user has a basic understanding of British English.
1337-0This user has no idea what 1337 is or prefers to contribute using proper words.
IntS-0This user has no interest in Internet slang, or talks like an offline person.
LE-0This individual still maintains a shred of dignity in this insane world by adhering to correct spelling, grammar, punctuation and capitalisation.
Pi ≈ 3.1415926535897932384626
This user is interested in their family history.
This user likes all types of music.
XDThis user is interested in comedy, and may enjoy writing or performing it.
This user enjoys reading anything.
HThis user is addicted to Vicodin.
This user secretly wants to be the Pink Power Ranger
This user is a fan of Heroes. Ordinary people discovering extraordinary abilities.
FLThis user only likes A Bit of Fry & Laurie.
This user couldn't care less about football.
This user is visiting from an alternate universe.
This user loves deadlines. They love the whooshing sound they make as they go by.
GMT
?
This user's time zone depends on whenever they decide to get up today.
OCDThis user lives with obsessive–compulsive disorder.
This user is aware of how silly this huge table looks on their user page, but acknowledges that its real purpose is twofold: statistics and standardization.
This user doesn't think all userboxes should go away but wishes the boxwar would.
This user strongly opposes Dubya and Daddy Bush.
This user supports the legalization of same-sex marriage.
This user supports the inclusion of sex education in school systems.
This user is Child Free by Choice.
This user sees nothing wrong with the human form and doesn't view it as something that needs to be hidden.
This user is opposed to online censorship.
This user is against US troops invading other countries, including Iraq.
This user does not exist. However, if this user begins to exist, seek shelter immediately.
This user just watches the world go by.
This user is against involuntary military service.
This user is an atheist.