Warning lights are flashing. Sirens are wailing. A historic “perfect storm” is bearing down on us. Perhaps we’re already in the eye of it, as “highly classified” war plans are hashed out with text messages and “fist bump” emojis while our commander-in-chief rants like a Tudor monarch about an unflattering portrait.
Indeed, as the Trump administration staggers into its tenth week—that’s right, we’re only 60-some days in to this second term—the ominous clouds on the horizon show we’re headed for disaster. The good news is: I’m not talking about climate change. (Though it’s definitely true about climate change as well.)
This brewing perfect storm is less meteorological, more political. Like… World War I. Remember what they teach us about The War to End All Wars? So much had to go wrong. Europe was reconfiguring. “Entangling alliances” tied the hands of diplomats who were reporting to an unluckily large number of inept world leaders. Industrialization was making mass-killing easier. Disaster!
Right now, I think we are failing miserably to batten down the hatches ahead of a moment historians will also look back on and say lots of things like, “Oh man, if only that hadn’t perfectly fed into that.” (If there are still historians left, I suppose.) To flog the weather analogy a bit more, we are seeing a cold front of corruption, greed and downright stupidity collide with a tropically warm libertarian philosophy that argues for the end of democracy. A hard rain’s gonna fall.
While we were understandably distracted by the maelstrom of incompetence in, to update Lin Manuel, “the group chat where it happens,” we missed a sinister development buried in President Trump’s social calendar. Trump’s White House is auctioning off “branding opportunities” at this year’s Easter Egg Roll to corporations for $75,000-$200,000. (Or roughly the cost of a couple dozen eggs.) Rest assured, the price includes VIP access to the White House during the event. As I’m not the first person to point out, for Trump, it’s really all about the grift. It’s the art of the deal.
But this time around, Trump’s not-very-subtle cloud of corruption is colliding with a new storm system—billionaires who seem to have genuinely deluded themselves into thinking that they could run the world perfectly if not for this pesky thing called “democracy.” No exaggeration. They want to bring it down. (“I no longer believe that freedom and democracy are compatible,” the venture capitalist and Trump backer Peter Thiel infamously wrote.)
DOGE is not about efficiency. It’s about brewing skepticism of all democratic institutions to replace our current government with “techno-libertarianism.” Maybe it’s evil, maybe it’s hubris? These guys honestly think that because they created PayPal or a chat app, they know how to run the country better than the Constitution.
The oligarchs want to be large in charge and they have the perfect president to make it happen—a guy who’d rather make money than deal with the hassle of running a country.
I can see the pitch meeting in the Oval Office:
Elon: “We sell memberships to the White House Easter Egg thing.”
Trump: “I like it. Keep talking.”
Elon: “We used to give tickets to lucky winners. But now you can make money on the thing.”
Trump: “Sold.”
Elon: “We’ll make JD dress up as the bunny.”
Trump: “Even better.”
Elon: “Oh, and it will also gradually further my goal of turning all governance over to the private corporations that can afford to sponsor it.”
Trump: “I already said sold, Elon. Now you’re boring me. Let me know how much I cleared on my end, will you?
A simple grift like this might not even make the front page, especially when the Defense Secretary is oversharing with magazine editors, but it’s just the beginning. Guess you can’t make a plutocracy without cracking a few eggs.
As Bruce Springsteen said, “Old men wanna be rich. Rich men wanna be kings.” Guess what? Those wannabe kings have found an old man who just wants to be rich.
