ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS

MENTAL HEALTH AND PSYCHIATRY

KUNDA
AASSERTIVENESS SKILLS
SSERTIVENESS SKILLS
The concept of assertiveness has been
gaining popularity over the years.
Its importance to the caring profession
and was only realized in 1949.
Originally, it was regarded as a limited
form of behaviour therapy.
ASSERTIVENESS
Simply means being able to stand up for your
own or other people’s rights in a calm and
positive way, without being either aggressive,
or passively/submissively accepting the
wrong.
Assertive individuals are able to express
feelings, wishes, wants and desires
appropriately without undermining your own or
others’ rights
Get their point across without upsetting
others, or becoming upset themselves
ASSERTIVENESS?
Sometimes assertiveness is mixed up with
aggressiveness as meaning the same thing.
Assertiveness exists on a continuum from
passive behaviour to assertive behaviour to
aggressive behaviour.
It is important to identify at which stage we
are as carers on this continuum and strive
towards attaining assertive status.
It is essential for a person’s professional
growth and every day life.
ASSERTIVENESS
In assertiveness, it is clear that there are two
players.
A person states what they want clearly, gently but
firmly, acknowledging own rights and those of
others.
Standing up for oneself and those dependant on
them.
Making own decisions and allowing others to
make theirs.
Listening to others’ view point without necessarily
going along with it.
ASSERTIVENESS
Assertiveness involves
Showing respect for yourself and others.
Giving praise and constructive criticism.
Taking responsibility for own feelings and
decisions.
Helping others to be assertive, treating adults
as adults.
One is able to maintain eye contact.
Arms on the side.
Leaning forward slightly.
ASSERTIVENESS CONT’
Voice should be audible enough for others to
hear.
Use of body language appropriately.
An assertive message is an open one that
facilitates effective communication and
understanding.
People are rarely completely passive,
assertive, or aggressive.
It is possible that a person who is passive at
work may be assertive at home.
PASSIVENESS/SUBMISSIVENESS
Means compliance with the wishes of others and
can undermine individual rights and self-
confidence.
An individual’s needs, wishes, desires, or concerns
are not explicitly expressed.
Going along with others to keep the peace or in
order to be liked.
Agreeing to do things you don’t want to do without
negotiating.
Doing them resentfully, badly, late,
Complaining behind the scenes.
SUBMISSIVENESS
Letting others make decisions.
Putting yourself down.
Being over-apologetic, ‘woffling’ and not getting to
the point.
Running away from confrontation situations.
Can’t maintain eye contact.
Have folded arms behind.
Leaning too much forward.
Voice is low, making hearing difficult for others.
AGGRESSIVENESS
Being hostile towards someone else, undermining
their rights and self-esteem
Aggressive behaviour involves pushing one’s
needs, wishes, desires and concerns onto another.
Tying to push people into doing things
Attacking, blaming, and putting others down.
Not listening, giving orders as opposed to making
requests when it is inappropriate.
Deciding for others and they know it.
Overreacting.
AGGRESSIVENESS CONT’
Reacting to threatening situations by attacking
out rightly.
Forcing own point of view but not considering
others’.
Involves over gesticulating.
High tone of voice, shouting and screaming.
Glaring eyes, wagging fingers threateningly.
Advancing towards the other.
TIPS ON MAKING REQUESTS
ASSERTIVELY
1. Decide what you want
2. Get the person’s attention
3. Say what you want to say concisely (short and to
the point) and listen;
Voice – easily heard without shouting, steady, not
whining or pleading.
4. If convinced you are not going to change your mind
• Ignore irrelevant questions and other issues
designed to side-track, and repeat question.
• Be prepared to negotiate or compromise as you feel
appropriate at each stage.
Cont.,
• Insist that your rights be respected.
• Negotiate and make compromises.
• Be open to new ways of thinking
about yourself, others and
situations.
• Stay calm, cool and collected while
talking about them.
• Value yourself and others around you.
• Think about what you want and think
about whether it is fair and respectful.
Barriers to assertive
behaviour
• If I assert myself in any relationship,
others will get mad at me. (If I assert
myself the results may be positive,
negative, or neutral. However, since
assertion involves legitimate rights, the
odds of having positive results are in my
favour).
Cont.,
• If I do assert myself and others do
become angry with me, it will be awful; I
will be devastated. (Even if others
become angry, I am capable of handling
it without falling apart. If I assert myself
when it is appropriate, I don't have to
feel responsible for others' feelings. It
may be their own problem).
Cont.,
• If my assertion hurts others, I am
responsible for their feelings. (Even if
others are hurt by my assertive
behavior, I can let them know I care for
them while also being direct about what
I want or need. Although at times, they
will be taken aback by my assertive
behavior, they are not so vulnerable and
fragile that they will be shattered by it).
• It is wrong to turn down legitimate
requests? Others will think I am selfish
and won't like me. (Even legitimate
requests can be refused assertively.
Sometimes, it is acceptable to consider
my needs before others. I can't always
please others).
• I must avoid making statements or
asking questions that might make me
look ignorant or stupid. (It is okay to
lack information or make a mistake; it
just shows that I am human).
Cont.,
• Assertive people are cold and uncaring.
If I am assertive I'll be so unpleasant
that others won't like me. (Assertive
people are direct and honest and
behave appropriately. They show a
genuine concern for other people's
rights and feelings as well as their own.
Their assertiveness enriches their
relationships with others).
• NB: In brackets are the assertive
counterparts
Learning assertive behaviour.
• If you want to be more assertive, but
aren't sure how, to get started, you need
to remember that, the best way to
become more assertive is through
practice.
• Assertiveness takes time, patience and
guts. It doesn't "just happen". There are
two important things you need before
you do anything:
Cont.,
• You need to choose to be assertive.
• You need a willingness to check out, try
and do new things.
Differences between Passive Person,
Aggressive Person, and Assertive
Person
. Passive Behavior: Is afraid to speak up
Aggressive Behavior: Interrupts and 'talks
over' others
Assertive Behavior: Speaks openly
2. Passive Behavior: Speaks softly
Aggressive Behavior: Speaks loudly
Assertive Behavior: Uses a
conversational tone
Cont.,
Passive Behavior: Avoids looking at people
Aggressive Behavior: Glares and stares at
others
Assertive Behavior: Makes good eye
contact
4. Passive Behavior: Shows little or no
expression
Aggressive Behavior: Intimidates others
with expressions
Assertive Behavior: Shows expressions that
match the message
Cont.,
Passive Behavior: Slouches and
withdraws
Aggressive Behavior: Stands rigidly,
crosses arms, invades others' personal
space
Assertive Behavior: Relaxes and
adopts an open posture and
expressions
6. Passive Behavior: Isolates self from
groups
Aggressive Behavior: Controls groups
Assertive Behavior: Participates in
groups
Cont.,
. Passive Behavior: Agrees with others,
despite feelings
Aggressive Behavior: Only considers
own feelings, and/or demands of others
Assertive Behavior: Speaks to the
point
8. Passive Behavior: Values self less than
others
Aggressive Behavior: Values self more
than others
Assertive Behavior: Values self equal
to others
Cont.,
Passive Behavior: Hurts self to avoid hurting
others
Aggressive Behavior: Hurts others to avoid
being hurt
Assertive Behavior: Tries to hurt no one
(including self)
10. Passive Behavior: Does not reach goals
and may not know goals
Aggressive Behavior: Reaches goals but
hurts others in the process
Assertive Behavior: Usually reaches goals
without alienating others
Cont.,
. Passive Behavior: You're okay, I'm not
Aggressive Behavior: I'm okay, you're
not
Assertive Behavior: I'm okay, you're
okay
Techniques for practicing
assertiveness
• Conflict and negotiation.
• Make known your desires and feelings.
• Express feelings about a situation
without threatening others.
• Make a non-assertive person open up.
• Eye contact and facial expression
Cont.,
• Posture
• Distance and contact
• Gestures
• Voice
• Timing
• Listen well
• Be aware of body language
• Speak clearly and easily
• Start and keep conversations going.
• Be able to stay calm and relaxed.
ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS
END