INTRODUCTION TO

INTERPERSONAL & MEDIA

COMMUNICATION
Mgr. Igor Prusa, Ph.D. et Ph.D.
Metropolitan University Prague
 WHY DO WE COMMUNICATE ?
• „people cannot not communicate“ (P. Watzlawick)
• communication is far more than the transmission of information
• human beings are social creatures, which makes communication important for our survival
• the content of our communication helps us achieve certain human needs

• human needs:
→ physical
→ instrumental
→ relational
→ identity needs
 1) Physical Needs
• Needs that keep our bodies and minds functioning
• Communication has many connections to and effects on our physical body and well-being
• Basic level: communication can alert others that our physical needs are not being met
• E.g. babies cry when they are hungry or sick to alert their caregiver of these physical needs
• E.g. asking a friend if you can stay at their house to meet your physical need for shelter.

• Prolonged isolation severely damages a human (Williams & Zadro, 2001).

• People with good interpersonal communication skills are better able to adapt to stress
(Hargie, 2011)
• Communication can also be therapeutic, which can lessen or prevent physical problems
(e.g. talking about death)
2) Instrumental Needs
• needs that help us „get things done“ and achieve short-term and long-term goals
• we spend much of our time communicating for instrumental needs
• (influencing others, getting something we need, getting support)
• compliance-gaining communication: getting people to do something or act in a particular way (cf. coercion
and manipulation)

• Offering rewards: promising returns, rewards, or generally positive outcomes

• Threatening punishment: loss of privileges, grounding, or legal action
• Using expertise: one “knows better” based on experience, age, education, or intelligence
• Liking: acting friendly and helpful before asking someone to do something
• Debt: calling in past favors and indicating that one person “owes” the other
• Altruism: one person only wants “what is best” for the other person
• Esteem: claiming that other people will think more highly of the person if he or she complies
 3) Relational Needs
• needs that help us maintain social bonds and interpersonal relationships
• help us achieve the social relating that is an essential part of being human
• communication as a tool through which to develop, maintain, and end relationships
• e.g. “you’re such a great friend” (communicating our investment in the relationship)

• developing a relationship:
• 1. nonverbal communication (to assess whether someone is interested in talking to us or not)
• 2. verbal communication (to strike up a conversation)
• 3. self-disclosure (to develop and maintain relationship)

• communication (or the lack of it) helps us end relationships

 4) Identity Needs
• the need to present ourselves to others in particular and desired ways.
• communication is the primary means of establishing our identity and fulfilling our identity needs.
• much of how we think of ourselves is based on our communication with other people
• we desire to present different faces in different contexts
• e.g., companies, celebrities, and politicians creating a „public image“
• self-presentation as performance: we all are performers on stage (Goffman, 1959)

• e.g., based on the situation, a parent may simultaneously perform the role of:
• stern head of household
• supportive shoulder to cry on
• hip and culturally aware friend
COMMUNICATION
• defining communication:
• transfer of information from one person to another
• process of using symbols to exchange meaning
• intercourse by words, letters or messages

• Harold Laswell’s question:

• Who says
• What
• through what Channels
• to Whom
• with what Results?”

→ main focus of the theory:

• senders, receivers,
• channels, messages,
PERCEPTION
• the cognitive process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting information
• the perception of select stimuli that pass through our perceptual filters
• these filters are organized into our existing structures and patterns
• these filters are interpreted based on previous experiences

THE PERCEPTION PROCESS:

1) Selection
• the first part of the perception process
• we focus our attention on certain incoming sensory information
• salience:
• the degree to which something attracts our attention in a particular context
• we tend to pay attention to information that is salient
• audio-visually stimulating things
• things that meet our needs or interests
2) Organization
• the second part of the perception process
• we sort and categorize information that we perceive
• we do so based on innate and learned cognitive patterns
• we sort things into patterns by using:
• proximity: we tend to think that things that are close together go together.
• similarity: we tend to think similar-looking or similar-acting things belong
together
• difference: we organize information that we take in based on difference
3) Interpretation
• third part of the perception process
• we assign meaning to our experiences using mental structures (schemata)
• schema:
• a „database“ of stored information used to interpret new experiences and behaviors
• schemata guide our interactions, providing a script for our behaviors
• schemata filter our perceptions before, during, and after interactions
• often based on origin, age, race, occupation and other social and cultural factors
• schemata adapt to the changing environment (e.g., the academic schema in school)
• self-introduction provides a schema through which others interpret us (e.g., hobby)
1) LINEAR MODELS OF COMMUNICATION
 Shannon-Weaver’s model

• proposed by Claude Shannon and Warren Weaver (1949)

• communication moves only in one direction

• the Sender encodes a Message
• then uses a certain Channel
• in order to send the message to a Receiver
• the receiver decodes (interprets) the message.
• noise is anything that interferes with, or changes, the original encoded message
 Shannon-Weaver’s model

• SENDER: someone who encodes and sends a message to a receiver through a

particular channel.
• MESSAGE: the particular meaning or content the sender wishes the receiver to
understand. (intentional or unintentional, written or spoken, verbal or nonverbal)
• ENCODER: the transmitter which converts the message into signals
• CHANNEL: the method a sender uses to send a message to a receiver
(verbal/nonverbal communication vs. mediated communication)
• DECODER: the reception place of the signal which converts signals into
message
• RECEIVER: the recipient of a message (receivers decode and interpret
messages in ways that are meaningful for them)
Shannon-Weaver’s model
Shannon-Weaver’s model

• NOISE: anything that interferes with the sending or receiving of a message.

• external (loud music in a nightclub)
• internal (physical pain, psychological stress)
• semantic (e.g., different languages, the use of slang)

• external and internal noise make encoding and decoding messages more
difficult while influencing the communication exchange.
• noise is in every communication context, and therefore, NO message is
received exactly as it is transmitted by a sender
Aristotle’s Communication Model
• proposed model before 300 BC.
• focused more on public speaking than interpersonal communication
• the speaker must prepare his speech
• the speakers analyzes the audience before he enters into the stage
• the speaker’s words should influence and persuade the audience
• the model is formed with 5 basic elements
• Speaker
• Speech
• Occasion
• Audience
• Effect
Lasswell’s Model
 Berlo’s S-M-C-R Model

• Source: Elements of the source include

communication skills of the sender, their
attitude and their culture

• Message: Elements of the message include

Message
its content, structure and code

• Channel: Elements of the channel include

the senses of hearing, seeing, touching,
smelling, and tasting

• Receiver: Elements of the receiver include

their attitude, knowledge and culture.
THE LIMITS OF LINEAR MODELS
• they suggest communication only occurs in one direction
• they do not show how the context and personal experiences impact
communication.
• only television serves as a good example of the linear model (TV
works in one direction and will not respond to you)
2. INTERACTIONAL MODELS OF
COMMUNICATION
Schramm’s Communication Model
 Schramm’s
Communication Model

• communication as a process in which participants alternate positions as sender and

receiver within physical and psychological contexts (Schramm)
• Physical context: environmental factors that influence our communication (e.g. the size, layout,
temperature, and lighting of a space).
• Psychological context: mental and emotional factors that influence our communication (e.g. stress,
anxiety, emotions).
• the model incorporates feedback, which makes communication a more interactive, two-
way process
• The model is less „message-focused“ and more „interaction-focused“ (i.e., concerned
with the communication process itself)
Schramm’s Communication Model
• examining personal synchronous communication where feedback is immediate (such
as face-to-face discussions).
• explores communication that is equal and reciprocal.
• sender and receiver are in equal position as message encoders and decoders.
• noise can be reduced through ongoing clarification of messages during the
conversation
3) TRANSACTIONAL MODELS OF
COMMUNICATION
Barnlund’s Model of Communication
• Proposed by Dean Barnlund in 1970
• Communication is not a simple one-way transmission of
a message
• communication participants act as both senders AND
receivers simultaneously, creating reality through their
interactions
• The personal filters and experiences of the participants
impact each communication exchange.
• Noise will always influence the outcomes of every
communication exchange.
Barnlund’s Model of Communication
Barlund’s Model of Communication
1) Social Context
• rules that bind people’s ability to communicate
• norms, values, laws of a society to communicate within a specific limit

• society shapes the way a person communicates

• communication shapes self and social reality in return
• communication creates and establishes social relationships
• communication helps people in the formation of a community
 Barlund’s Model of Communication
2) Cultural Context
• caste, class, race, ethnicity, gender
• lifestyle and identity of a person

• If two people are from the same cultural group, they will have better communication with each other.
• Cultural identities change the communication pattern of a person.
• Marginalization of cultural groups oppresses their communication with the other parts of the society.
• what affects the responses and the message exchange:
• Experiences
• attitudes
• moods
• cultural beliefs
• social up-bringing
• mindset.
Barlund’s Model of Communication
3) Relational Context
• relationship history
• relationship manners

• A person talks with an old friend differently than a stranger

• Relationship manners come from pre-established norms and values.
• Communication always occurs on the common systems of both the parties.
Barlund’s Model of Communication
Dance’s Helical Model
• builds on circular models by explaining how we
improve our messages over time by using feedback.
• When we communicate with others, their feedback
will influence our next statement.
• We become more knowledgeable with each cycle of
communication, enabling up to ‘expand our circle’
• The movement up the spiral indicates that each
communication practice is new and different from the
previous, as communication does not ever perfectly
repeat itself.
 Symbols

• a letter is a symbol for a given sound (or set of sounds)

• a word is a symbol for the idea it represents
• flags are symbols for nations
• visual symbols that we use every day: $ @ & =
• traffic signs, emoticons, logos, brands
• symbols are the basis of language, nonverbal behavior, and human thought

• → we are able to communicate because there is a range of meanings

which the members of a given language system agree upon
• → without an agreed-upon system of symbols, we could share relatively
little meaning with one another
 A System of Symbols
SYMBOLS
• images or things that stand for, or
represent, something else (idea, object,
relationship)
• a mark, sign, or word that is
(conventionally) understood representing
an idea
• these representations are used to encode
and decode meaning

• → symbols three distinct qualities:

• arbitrary
• ambiguous
• and abstract
1) Symbols are arbitrary
• The symbols we use have no direct relationship to the objects or ideas
they represent.
• the word “cat”
• it represents or stands for a real cat AND our idea of a cat.
• The word “cat” is not the actual cat. Nor does it have any direct connection to an
actual cat.
• Instead, it is a symbolic representation of our idea of a cat
• there must be an agreement that the word “cat” represents or stands for a real cat
AND our idea of a cat

• the line goes from the Symbol “cat” (the letters C, A, T) to sender’s idea of “cat”, to
the actual object.
2) Symbols are ambiguous
• Ambiguity: doubtfulness or uncertainty of meaning or intention
• Symbols are not clear cut or fixed: they have several possible
meanings
• the meanings vary from person to person and context to context
• the meanings change over time due to changes in social norms, values, and
advances in technology
• the word “gay”: homosexual, happy, or both?
• it depends on:
• who is saying the word
• who is hearing the word
• what the context of the conversation is about
3) Symbols are abstract
• words are not material or physical
• A certain level of abstraction is inherent in the fact that
symbols can only represent objects and ideas.
• This abstraction allows us to use a phrase like “the public” in a
broad way to mean all the people in the United States
• the more abstract the language, the greater potential for
confusion.
 The Rules of Communication
• Verbal communication is rule-governed.
• We must follow agreed-upon rules to make sense of the symbols we share.
• Without agreement, rules, and symbols, verbal communication would not work.
• rules for verbal communication involve 1) sounds, 2) meaning, 3) arrangement, 4) use of symbols
• these rules are: phonology, semantics, syntactics and pragmatics

1) Phonology:
• the study of speech sounds.
• the pronunciation of the word “cat” comes from the rules governing how letters sound
• the context in which words are spoken may provide answers for how they should be pronounced.
 The Rules of Communication
2) Semantics
• Semantic rules help us understand the difference between the word “cat” and the word “dog”.
• We use each word to specify what “four-legged domestic pet” we are talking about.
• Even though many of the words are spelled the same, their meanings vary depending on how they
are pronounced and in what context they are used.
• We attach meanings to words; meanings are not inherent in words themselves.
• Words (symbols) are arbitrary and attain meaning only when people give them meaning.

• denotative meaning - standard, agreed-upon definitions when used in various contexts (the
denotative definition of the word „sick“ is ill or unwell)
• connotative meaning - the meanings we assign based on our experiences and beliefs (e.g. rose means
love)
 The Rules of Communication
3) Syntactics
• The study of language structure and symbolic arrangement.
• Syntactics focuses on the rules we use to combine words into meaningful sentences and statements.
• We speak and write according to agreed-upon syntactic rules to keep meaning understandable.

4) Pragmatics
• The study of how people actually use verbal communication.
• People choose, based on context and audience, which word they feel comfortable using.
• Each communication context has different rules for “appropriate” communication.
Spoken Versus Written Communication
• both spoken and written communication function as
agreed-upon rule-governed systems of symbols used to
convey meaning
• major differences between the two:
• 1) formal versus informal
• 2) synchronous versus asynchronous
• 3) recorded versus unrecorded
1) FORMAL VERSUS INFORMAL
• we generally use spoken communication informally while we use written communication formally.
• we follow more formal standards for our written communication than our spoken communication
• verbal mistakes and qualifiers (“uh” “um” “you know“) in our speech, but not our writing.

2) SYNCHRONOUS VERSUS ASYNCHRONOUS

• spoken communication or speech is almost entirely synchronous while written communication is almost
entirely asynchronous
• Synchronous communication
• communication that takes place in real time such as a conversation with a friend
• immediate feedback and response from the receiver is the rule.
• Asynchronous communication
• communication that is not immediate and occurs over longer periods of time (letters, email, text messages)
• there is no expectation from the sender that the receiver will provide an immediate response.
3) RECORDED VERSUS UNRECORDED
• written communication is generally archived and recorded for later retrieval, while spoken
communication is generally not recorded
• We do not tend to take notes or tape record our conversations.
• Instead, conversations tend to be ongoing and catalogued into our personal memories
rather than recorded in an easily retrievable written format.
• The issue of privacy (cf. Sexting scandals)
Defining Verbal Communication
• an agreed-upon and rule-governed system of symbols used to share meaning.
• verbal communication is about language, both written and spoken

Verbal Nonverbal
Communication Communication
Laughing, Crying,
Oral Spoken Language
Coughing, etc.
Written
Gestures, Body
Non Oral Language/Sign
Language, etc.
Language
Functions of Verbal Communication
1) Verbal communication helps us define reality.
• We use verbal communication to define everything from ideas, emotions, experiences,
thoughts, objects, and people (Blumer)
• Verbal communication is how we label and define what we experience in our lives.
• We make choices about what to focus on and how to define what we experience

2) Verbal communication helps us organize complex ideas and experiences into

meaningful categories.
• It is impossible to comprehend everything we encounter.
• We use verbal communication to organize seemingly random events into understandable
categories to make sense of our experiences.
Functions of Verbal Communication
3) Verbal communication helps us think.
• Without verbal communication, we would not function as thinking beings who are able to
reason and communicate.
• With language, we are able to reflect on the past, consider the present, and ponder the
future.
• We develop our memories using language.

4) Verbal communication helps us shape our attitudes about our world.

• The way you use language shapes your attitude about the world around you.
• Sapir-Whorf hypothesis: language determines thought. People who speak different
languages, or use language differently, think differently.
Defining Nonverbal Communication
• any meaning shared through sounds, behaviors, and artifacts other than words.
• spontaneous, unintentional, and may not follow formalized symbolic rule systems.
• Four differences between verbal and nonverbal communication:

• 1) we use a single channel (words) when we communicate verbally versus multiple channels when we
communicate nonverbally.
• 2) verbal communication is distinct (linear) while nonverbal communication is continuous (in constant
motion and relative to context)
• 3) we use verbal communication consciously while we generally use nonverbal
communication unconsciously
• 4) Some nonverbal communication is universal, while verbal communication is culture-specific
Posture: The way a person stands or sits (e.g. erect posture indicates confidence)
Head motion: appropriate nods and shakes of the head enhance the level of communication
Facial Expression: one’s hidden feelings get revealed by the facial expression
Eye Contact: e.g. the culture-specific issue of avoiding eye contact
Gestures culture-specific movements of hands and fingers that enhance communication

Paralanguage: vocal qualities such as pitch, volume, inflection, rate of speech, and rhythm.
Silence: not using words or utterances to convey meanings (deliberately or not)
 Types of Nonverbal Communication
• Oculesics (study of eye movement)
• Chronemics how people use time)
• Haptics (communication through touch)
• Proxemics (how our use of space influences the ways we relate with others)
• Kinesics (the study of how we use body movement and facial expressions)
Interpersonal Communication
• “inter” – between, among, mutually, or together
• “personal” – a specific role that an individual may occupy
• “interpersonal” – between individual people
• “interpersonal communication” – an interactive process that occurs between people as
they exchange and create messages, collaboratively and interdependently, through an
interwoven combination of verbal and nonverbal behavior
• “interpersonal communication theory: - the study of social interaction between people,
which focuses on how individuals use verbal, nonverbal and written discourse to inform,
persuade, or to provide emotional support to others
Self Disclosure
• “the act of making yourself manifest, showing yourself so others can perceive you” (Jourard)
• process of revealing information about yourself to others that is not readily known by them
• safe disclosure (revealing your hobbies or musical preferences) versus
personal topics (illuminating fears, dreams for the future, or fantasies).
• We tend to
• disclose facts about ourselves first (I am a Biology major),
• then move towards opinions (I feel the war is wrong)
• and finally disclose feelings (I’m sad that you said that).
• self-disclosure is positive: it is the key to a healthy personality
• When one person reveals more than another, there can be an imbalance in the relationship
 the Johari Window
• Arena (or “Open Self) contains information that is
known to us and to others (height, hair color,
occupation).

• Blind spot includes those things that may be apparent

to others, yet we are unaware of it in ourselves
(nervousness)

• Façade contains information that is hidden from others

but is known to you (e.g., previous mistakes,
embarrassing moments)

• Unknown self contains information that neither others,

nor we, know about (e.g., how we will react when a
parent dies?)
Communication Climate
• “overall feeling or emotional mood between people” (Wood)
• the overall mood that is created because of the people involved and the type of
communication they bring to the interaction.
• Confirming Climates: we receive messages that demonstrate our value and worth from
those with whom we have a relationship.
• Disconfirming Climates we receive messages that suggest we are devalued and
unimportant.
• three types of messages that create confirming and disconfirming climates:
• 1. recognition messages
• 2. acknowledgement messages
• 3. endorsement messages
Communication Climate: THREE
MESSAGES
1. Recognition Messages: they either confirm or
deny another person’s existence. (E.g. by ignoring
someone in public, a person is creating a
disconfirming climate by not recognizing him as a
unique individual.)

2. Acknowledgement Messages: they confirm what

we say or how we feel. (E.g. by nodding our head
while listening, we are acknowledging and
responding to the other’s feelings.)

3. Endorsement Messages: they recognize a

person’s feelings as valid. (E.g. We are endorsing or
denying someone’s right to feel upset and frustrated
at the moment.)
Developing and Maintaining Friendships
• we develop our friendships through a series of six steps:
Developing and Maintaining Friendships
1) Role-Limited Interaction
• we interact with others based on our social roles
• the communication is characterized by a focus on superficial, rather than personal topics
• we engage in limited self-disclosure and rely on scripts and stereotypes

2) Friendly Relations
• communication that moves beyond initial roles
• the participants begin to interact with one another to see if there are common interests
• the participants develop an interest to continue getting to know one another
Developing and Maintaining Friendships
3) Moving Toward Friendship
• participants make moves to foster a more personalized friendship.
• the increasing levels of self-disclosure enable the new friends to form bonds of trust.

4) Nascent Friendship
• individuals commit to spending more time together and they start using the term
“friend” to refer to each other
• the interactions extend beyond the initial roles as participants work out their own
private communication rules and norms.
 Developing and Maintaining Friendships
5) Stabilized Friendship
• friends take each other for granted as friends, but not in a negative way.
• because the friendship is solid, they assume each other will be in their lives.
• levels of self-disclosure increase
• each person feels more comfortable revealing parts of himself/herself to the other.

6) Waning Friendship
• many friendships come to an end
• sometimes friendship rules are violated to a degree beyond repair.
• violating the rule of mutual trust (if we tell friends a secret, they are expected to keep it a secret)
Developing and Maintaining Romantic Relationships
• The main influences when looking for a partner:
• self-identity (e.g. sexual, religious or ethnic preferences)
• similarity (e.g. .similar work, hobby, lifestyle)
• proximity (e.g. sharing similar/same region)

• The many faces of love: Eros

Passion and
Commitment
Ludus Game Playing
Storge Love and Friendship
Pragma Pragmatic Love
Mania Emotional Intensity
Agape Selfless Caring
General Stages in the Development and
Maintainance of Romantic Relationships
1) No Interaction
• the initial stage of a romantic relationship
• occurs when two people have not interacted (yet)
• attraction for someone motivates us to move beyond the no interaction stage

2) Invitational Communication
• we signal or invite the attractive Other to interact with us
• relational level (how the people feel about each other)
• inviting others to continue exploring a possible romantic relationship
General Stages in the Development and
Maintainance of Romantic Relationships
3) Explorational Communication
• individuals respond favorably to our invitational communication
• we share information about ourselves while looking for mutual interests, (e.g. shared political
or religious views, or similarities in family background)
• we give and receive personal information in a way that fosters trust and intimacy (i.e. Self-
disclosure increases)

4) Intensifying Communication
• the happy stage (the “relationship high”)
• we continue to be attracted (mentally, emotionally, and physically) to one another
• we cannot bear to be away from the other person
• creating „private relational culture“ (e.g. cooking dinner together instead of going to a party)
• we tend to idealize one another and see only the positive qualities of the other person
General Stages in the Development and
Maintainance of Romantic Relationships
5) Revising Communication
• the “relational high” begins to wear off
• developing a more realistic perspective of one another, and the relationship as a
whole
• recognizing the faults of the other person that we idealized in the previous stage
• individual needs and goals may not be compatible to sustain a long-term commitment

6) Commitment
• a couple makes the decision to make the relationship a permanent part of their lives
• the participants assume they will be in each other’s lives forever
• making joint decisions about the future (e.g., marriage)
• some couples, however, experience the five stages of deterioration:
General Stages of Relationship Deterioration
1) Dyadic Breakdown
• partners begin to neglect the small details that have always bound them together.
• intimacy decreases and the partners feel dissatisfied
• this dissatisfaction can lead to worrying about the relationship

2) Intrapsychic Phase
• partners worry that they do not connect with one another in ways they used to
• partners imagine their life without the relationship
• ŕather than seeing the relationship as a given, the couple may begin to wonder what
life would be like not being in the partnership.
General Stages of Relationship Deterioration
3) Dyadic Phase
• partners make the choice to talk about their problems and resolve issues
• seeking outside help (e.g. therapist) to help them work through the reasons they are
growing apart.
• discussions about how to divide up shared resources (property, money, children)

4) Social Support
• termination is inevitable and partners look outside the relationship for social support
• telling friends, family, or children that the relationship is ending.
• the process of letting go of the relationship and coming to terms with its termination
General Stages of Relationship Deterioration
5) Grave Dressing
• couples reach closure in a relationship and move on with life.
• retrospectively analyzing the relationship and why it has ended
• learning from the experience to navigate future relationships more successfully
Developing and Maintaining Family Relationships
Family: an arranged group, usually related by blood or some binding factor of
commonality, where individual roles and relationships modify over time

1) Families Are Organized

• we occupy and play predictable roles (parent, child, older sibling)
• communication in these relationships is predictable

2) Families Are a Relational Transactional Group

• family is largely defined by the relationships between the members
• the members interact with others in consistent ways according to their roles
 Developing and Maintaining Family
Relationships
3) Families Occupy a Common Living Space Over an Extended Period of Time.
• family members typically live under the same roof for an extended period of time.
• we spend a great deal of our life sharing a home with those we call a family.

4) Families Possess a Mixture of Interpersonal Images that Evolve Over Time.

• from our families, we learn important values (intimacy, spirituality, communication, and respect)
• we continually form images of what it means to be a family, and try to maintain that image in our
lives (immediate family versus extended family)
 Family with children: seven stages
1. Establishing a Family
• couples settle into committed or married life
• partners establish a first home together as a couple

2. Enlarging a Family
• couples expand their family with the addition of children.
• the demands of a new child become the primary concern and focus of the couple

3. Developing a Family
• the child’s needs change from physical (feeding, changing diapers) to cognitive and emotional
• parents become the primary source of instilling cultural, spiritual and personal values

4. Encouraging Independence
• children start pulling away from their parents as a means of establishing an independent identity.
• the „rebellious years“: children behave in order to establish independence from their parents
 Family with children: seven stages
5. Launching Children
• partners re-learn their roles as the grown children eventually leave home
• cf. the „empty nest syndrome“

6. Post-Launching of Children
• couples do not know how to relate with one another outside the context of raising children
• falling in love again, or terminating the relationship

7. Retirement
• freedom from work enables exploration of new relationships and activities.
• grown children bring their partners and grandchildren in as new members of the family.
Thinking About Conflict
• conflict = „a threat to the established order of the relationship“
• four assumptions of viewing conflict as a negative force (Augsburger)

1. conflict is a destructive disturbance of the peace

2. members of the social system should adapt to the established values
3. confrontations are destructive and ineffective
4. disputants should be punished

• destructive conflict
→ conveys negative affect
→ assumes a competitive orientation
→ tends to be relationship undermining.
→ reflected in behaviors that demean, ridicule, attack, coerce, and undermine relationships
Thinking About Conflict
• four assumptions of viewing conflict as a positive force:

1. conflict is a normal, useful process

2. all issues are subject to change through negotiation
3. direct confrontation and conciliation are valued
4. redistribution of opportunity, release of tensions, renewal of relationships

• constructive conflict
→ conveys neutral or positive affect
→ assumes a collaborative orientation
→ tends to be relationship preserving
→ reflected in behaviors that focus on problem solving, show respect, save face
Types of Conflict
1) Affective Conflict
• when we have incompatible feelings with another person
• the differences in feelings for one another are the source of affective conflict
• e.g. one partner wants to marry while the other wants to live in polyamory

2) Conflict of Interest
• when people disagree about a plan of action or what to do in a given circumstance
• e.g. one partner does not believe in seeking medical intervention while other does
→ What do they do when their child falls ill?

3) Value Conflict
• a difference in ideologies or values between relational partners
• e.g. many people engage in conflict about religion and politics
Types of Conflict
4) Cognitive Conflict
• the difference in thought process, interpretation of events, and perceptions.
• two people are observing the same interaction but have a disagreement about
what it means (e.g. friendly chat versus flirting)

5) Goal Conflict
• when people disagree about a final outcome.
• e.g. a couple has two different goals in regards to purchasing a home (long-
term investment versus short stay investment)
 Strategies for Managing Conflict
1) dominating
• win-lose approach
• exhibiting high concern for the self and low concern for the other person.
• the only goal: to win the conflict (analogous to sports)
• loud, forceful, interrupting communication

2) obliging
• a moderate degree of concern for self and others
• a high degree of concern for the relationship itself
• the individuals are less important than the relationship as a whole
• minimizing the differences in order to emphasize the commonalities (e.g. ethical beliefs)
Strategies for Managing Conflict
3) compromising
• both parties are willing to give up something in order to gain something else
• the parties may be less likely to stick to it long term
• problem: neither party fully gets their needs met

4) avoiding
• suppressing feelings of frustration or walking away from a situation
• expressing a low concern for self and others
• neither person is willing to participate in the conflict management process
Strategies for Managing Conflict
5) integrating
• a high level of concern for both self and others.
• individuals agree to share information, feelings, and creativity
• goal: try to reach a mutually acceptable solution
• problem: it is time-consuming and requires high levels of trust.
Explaining Theories of Interpersonal Communication
Explaining Theories of Interpersonal Communication
1. Systems perspectives suggest that by studying the interrelated patterns of
communication of people in a relationship, you can understand the relationship

2. Politeness theory explains and predicts strategies that individuals use to maintain
“face” (a sense of desired public image)

3. Social exchange theory predicts that individuals initiate and maintain relationships
so as to maximize personal outcomes

4. Dialectical perspective suggests that sustaining interpersonal relationships requires

communication to manage tensions inherent in all relationships
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE
 ❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE
• central assumption: communication is the means by which systems are created and sustained
• any time that a group of people has repeated interaction with each other, they represent a system.
• focus: influence 1) between system members, 2) between subsystems, systems, and suprasystems

• System:
• a group of individuals who interrelate to form a whole
• (e.g family, or a sports team)
• Subsystem:
• a smaller part of the group as a whole
• (e.g. the parents in a family, or the defensive line of a football team)
• Suprasystem:
• the larger system within which the system operates
• (e.g. the extended kinship network, or National Football League)
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE
• „nonsummativity“
• the whole is greater than the sum of its parts
• e.g. only when team members work together, they win a lot of games
• individuals don’t make or break the system
• the system can accomplish more than the individuals alone („positive synergy“)

• „interdependence“
• all system members are dependent on all other system members
• e.g. if one group member drops the ball, the group as a whole is unlikely to achieve its goals
 ❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE
• „homeostasis“
• natural balance (or equilibrium) within groups
• the tendency for a given system to maintain stability in the face of change
• efforts to reduce the conflict might only engender more conflict,
• (because conflict is the “natural” balance of the system)
• when a system experiences a novel situation (whether positive or negative), its members will
somehow adjust to maintain stability

• „equifinality“
• there are multiple goals that the group can address
• there are multiple ways to achieve the same goal
• firms may establish similar competitive advantages based on substantially different competencies.
• similar results may be achieved with different initial conditions (and in many different ways)
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
1. the impossibility of not communicating

• “people cannot not communicate” (Watzlawick)

• all behavior has the potential to be communicative, regardless of whether the sender
intended the behavior to be interpreted as a message.
• e.g. “silent treatment” as communicating “I’m angry with you.”
• your partner’s interpretations of your behavior will affect your relationship, regardless of
whether you intended that interpretation
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
2. content and relationship levels

• all communication has both content and relationship levels

• content level: particular verbal or nonverbal messages sent when people interact with each other
• relationship level: additional information about how the content should be understood (i.e. what
kind of relationship it implies)
• e.g. : “Can you work on getting that work done?” versus “Get the work done.” (equal footing
versus superior status)
• how you say what you say will affect your partners’ interpretations and will also give others clues
about your relationship
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
3. the problem of punctuation

• grammar: the use of spacing and conventional signs (punctuation marks: commas, colons, etc)
• „woman, without her man, is nothing“ VS „woman: without her, man is nothing“
• interaction is understood as a series of beginnings and ends (i.e. causes and effects)
• punctuation refers to the structuring of information into a timeline
• in order to determine the cause (stimulus) and effect (response) of communication interactions
• By sequencing the content of the message we can interpret causality relationships between events
• The interactants will, however, view the same interaction as having different causes and effects
• punctuation is always a matter of individual perception
• (because there is no single correct and linear interpretation of events)
• differences in punctuation lead to conflict among system members
❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
4. digital vs. analogic codes

• communication takes place both digitally and analogically

• analogic codes: the symbol actually resembles the object it represents (e.g. holding two
fingers up to indicate the number 2 or crying to represent sadness)
• digital codes: the symbol and the meaning of the symbol are arbitrarily linked (e.g. the
symbol H2O for water, or the OK sign made by fingers)
 ❖ 1. SYSTEMS PERSPECTIVE:
5 AXIOMS OF COMMUNICATION
5. symmetrical vs. complementary interaction

• when communicators behave in the same manner, they are behaving symmetrically
• (e.g. Mike is sarcastic to you, you are sarcastic to Mike)

• when the communicators behave in different ways, they behave in a complementary fashion.
• (e.g. Mike is sarcastic, you whine)

• behaving in a complementary fashion does not mean that interactants are behaving in an opposite fashion
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY
• how we manage our own and others’ identities through interaction
• how and why individuals try to promote, protect, or save “face” during embarrassing situations
• how, when, and where occur the face-threatening acts (FTA)
• what to do to restore face
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY:
THREE ASSUMPTIONS
1. all individuals are concerned with maintaining face

• face refers to the desired self-image that you wish to present to others
• face also includes the recognition that your interactional partners have face needs of their own
• positive face includes a person’s need to be liked, appreciated, and admired by others.
Maintaining positive face includes using behaviors to ensure that the significant others view
you in an affirming fashion.
• negative face assumes a person’s desire to act freely, without constraints or imposition from
others. Acting in a way so that you gain others’ approval interferes with autonomous and
unrestricted behavior
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY:
THREE ASSUMPTIONS
2. human beings are rational and goal oriented

• we have choices and make decisions to achieve our goals within the context of maintaining face
• face management works best when everyone involved helps to maintain the face of others
• we should make decisions that uphold the mutual (and vulnerable) construction of face.

3. some behaviors are fundamentally face threatening

• you will inevitably threaten someone else’s face

• just as another person will, at some point, threaten yours
• “face-threatening acts” (FTAs) → apologies, compliments, criticisms, requests, and threats
❖ 2. POLITENESS THEORY:
PRESERVING FACE
• face
• the self-image that individuals desire to present to others
• as well as the acknowledgment that others have face needs of their own
• facework
• specific messages that prevent or minimize FTA
• used in order to create and maintain one’s desired self-image
• preventive facework
• strategies that help oneself or another avert FTA
• avoiding certain topics, changing the subject, or ignoring the occurrence of an FTA
• corrective facework
• messages that an individual can use to restore one’s own face after FTA has occurred
• strategies such as avoidance, humor, apologies, explanations of inappropriate actions
• remediation: one attempts to repair any (physical) damage that has resulted from FTA
❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET)
 ❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET)

• a broad approach used to explain and predict relationship maintenance

• when and why individuals continue and develop some personal relationships while ending others
• much like an economic theory based on the comparison of rewards and costs
• looking at personal relationships in terms of costs versus benefits

Basic assumptions of Social Exchange Theory

1. personal relationships are a function of comparing benefits gained versus costs to attain those benefits
2. people want to make the most of the benefits while lessening the costs (“minimax principle”)
3. humans are by nature selfish, tending to look out for yourself first and foremost
❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET):
CORE COMPONENTS
1. the outcome level

• the ratio of rewards to costs in a given relationship (Outcome = Rewards – Costs)

• relational rewards: any benefits that you perceive as enjoyable or that help you to achieve
specific aspirations (e.g. companionship, affection, sharing a joint savings account as a couple)
• relational costs: drawbacks that we perceive as unpleasant or that prevent us from pursuing or
achieving an objective (e.g. quitting school because of family obligations)
• If an individual perceives that the relationship yields more drawbacks than benefits, a negative
outcome value will result
❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET):
CORE COMPONENTS
2. the comparison level

• represents what rewards a person expects to receive in a particular relationship

• expectations may be based on:
• models for relationships (e.g., parents, friends)
• one’s own experiences with relationships
• television

• the importance of understanding what you expect in a relationship (the outcome)

• if you perceive more rewards than costs in your relationship (and this matches or exceeds
your expectations for the relationship) SET predicts your satisfaction.
• but if you expected to receive even more rewards than you currently have, a sense of
dissatisfaction is predicted
❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET):
CORE COMPONENTS
3. comparison level of alternatives

• determining one’s satisfaction, or dissatisfaction, with a relationship is still not enough

to predict whether the relationship will continue or end
• You are not happy with your relationship but you remain in that relationship. Why?
• for any relationship to continue or end, individuals must also examine their „comparison
level of alternatives“
• is ending it better or worse than the current situation?
• what are your alternatives to staying in the relationship?
• if the alternatives are greater than your present outcome (and your CL) will you end the
relationship?
❖ 3. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORY (SET):

Predictions Made by Social Exchange Theory:

1. Outcomes > CL = Satisfied

2. Outcomes < CL = Dissatisfied
3. Outcomes > CLalt = Stay
4. Outcomes < CLalt = Terminate
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
• useful for explaining and understanding how individuals sustain interpersonal relationships.
• relationships are dynamic: it is impossible for a relationship to maintain a certain level of
satisfaction or reach a constant status quo
• relational partners continue to develop their relationships by managing a series of opposing,
yet necessary, tensions or contradictions
• four primary assumptions guide a dialectical approach to relationship maintenance:
• 1) Praxis
• 2) Change
• 3) Contradiction
• 4) Totality:
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
1. Praxis
• relationship trajectories are:
• neither linear (i.e. always moving forward)
• nor repetitive (i.e. cycling through the same things again and again)

• relationships can become more intimate or less intimate over time

• relationship’s trajectory as a spiral—moving forward in time and transforming reality

2. Change (or motion)

• the only guarantee in a relationship is that it will change
• it is virtually impossible to “maintain” a relationship
• because maintenance implies a steady state
• → relationships are “sustained”
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
3. Contradiction
• relationships are grounded in interdependent, yet mutually negating contradictions
• the partners’ needs counteract each other, which crates ongoing tensions
• togetherness versus independence (you cannot have both simultaneously)

4. Totality
• emphasizes interdependence between relationship partners
• without interdependence, a relationship cannot exist
• perceived tensions ultimately affect your relationship
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
Internal dialectical tensions (between the partners themselves)

1. autonomy–connection dialectic: the tension between the desire to feel connected versus
the desire to maintain a sense of independence

2. openness–closedness dialectic: the pull between wanting to open up and self-disclose

while also wanting to maintain one’s privacy

3. predictability–novelty dialectic: the tension between wanting stability or steadiness while

also wanting spontaneity and novelty
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
External dialectical tensions (between the partners and the social world):

1. inclusion–seclusion dialectic: wanting to spend time with others (friends, family)

versus wanting to spend time alone as a couple

2. revelation–concealment dialectic: wanting to reveal a relationship to the outside world

versus wanting to keep the relationship private

3. conventionality–uniqueness dialectic: wanting to behave in normative/traditional way

versus being different and unique
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
❖ 4. DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
Strategies used to handle the internal and external tensions:

1. selection: choosing to favor one need at the expense of the other (e.g. long distance
couple chooses autonomy and break up)
2. cyclic alteration: fulfilling one need now and shift to fulfill the other pole at a later
time (cf. children playing on a seesaw)
3. segmentation: certain issues coincide with one need, and other issues are appropriate
for the opposite need
4. integration: incorporating aspects of both needs (e.g. predictability AND novelty)