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Module - 5 (Iii) Revising Business Messages

The document discusses revising business messages by improving content, structure, grammar and mechanics. It focuses on revising for conciseness by eliminating unnecessary words, limiting long introductions, dropping filler words and rejecting redundancies.

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0% found this document useful (0 votes)
36 views44 pages

Module - 5 (Iii) Revising Business Messages

The document discusses revising business messages by improving content, structure, grammar and mechanics. It focuses on revising for conciseness by eliminating unnecessary words, limiting long introductions, dropping filler words and rejecting redundancies.

Uploaded by

dixitanupam696
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PPTX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 44

Chapter 4

Revising Business Messages

Essentials of
Business
Communication 9e

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy


© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved
The Writing Process
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 2
Phase 3
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

of the
Writing
Process

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 3
Phase 3: Revising

Improving
Improvingcontent
contentand
and
sentence
sentencestructure
structure
Revising May
Mayinvolve
involveadding,
adding,
cutting,
cutting,and
andreformatting.
reformatting.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Correcting
Correctinggrammar,
grammar,
Proofreading spelling,
spelling,punctuation,
punctuation,
format,
format,and
andmechanics
mechanics

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 4
Phase 3: Revising
The Goals of Business Writing:
 Conciseness
 Clarity
 Vigor and directness
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

 Readability

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 5
Revising for Conciseness
Eliminate flabby expressions.

Poor: Improved:
We are of the opinion that We think
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Please feel free to Please


In addition to the above Also
At this point in time Now
Despite the fact that Although

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 6
Revising for Conciseness
Limit long lead-ins.
Poor: Improved:
This e-mail message is
We will meet on
to inform you that we
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

will meet on Friday. Friday.

I am writing this letter Thanks to


to say thanks to everyone who
everyone who voted. voted.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 7
Revising for Conciseness
Drop unnecessary fillers, such as there
is/was and it is/was .
Poor: Improved:
There are three items We must discuss
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

we must discuss today. three items today.

It was Lisa and Jeff Lisa and Jeff were


who were honored. honored.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 8
Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
What words could be omitted in these
expressions?

advance warning necessary requisite


© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

close proximity new beginning


exactly identical past history
filled to capacity refer back
final outcome serious danger

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 9
Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.
What words could be omitted in these
expressions?

advance warning necessary requisite


© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

close proximity new beginning


exactly identical past history
filled to capacity refer back
final outcome serious danger

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 10
Making Sentences Concise
Poor: Improved:
This e-mail message is to A new health benefit
inform you that there is a plan is available for
new health benefit plan employees.
available for employees.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

I would like to take this We will probably


opportunity to inform win the contract.
everyone that in all
probability we expect to
win the contract.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 11
Making Sentences Concise

Poor: Improved:
In addition to the above, Two contracts are
there are contracts that are also attached.
attached to this message.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Despite the fact that most Although most


information is posted on the information is posted
company intranet, please on the company
feel free to call whenever intranet, please call
necessary. whenever necessary.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 12
Revising for Clarity
Dump trite business expressions.

Trite and Outdated Modern


as per your request at your request
attached hereto attached
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

enclosed please find enclosed is/are


pursuant to your request at your request
thank you in advance thank you
under separate cover separately

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 13
Revising for Clarity
Avoid jargon—technical terms and special
terminology.
Computer Jargon Alternatives
queue list of documents
waiting to be printed
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

export transfer data from one


program to another
bandwidth Internet capacity

Is jargon ever permissible?


Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 14
Revising for Clarity
Avoid slang—informal expressions with
arbitrary or extravagantly changed
meanings.

Slang Alternatives
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

sick great, amazing


clueless unaware, naïve
turkey someone stupid or silly
chill/chill out relax

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 15
Revising for Clarity
Drop clichés.
Substitute precise words for overused
expressions.
Poor: Improved:
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Last but not least, you Finally, you should


should keep your nose work diligently.
to the grindstone.

We had reached the We could go no


end of our rope. further.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 16
Making Sentences Clear and Concise

Poor: Improved:
Last but not least, the Finally, the attorney
attorney referred back to referred to an
an exactly identical case. identical case.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

With a little advance With warning, we


warning, we could have could have sold
sold out before our stocks before our stocks
tanked. declined in value.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 17
Making Sentences Clear and Concise

Poor: Improved:
Ms. Miller, who shoots Ms. Miller, who is
straight from the shoulder, straightforward,
demanded final demanded
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

completion by January 1. completion by


January 1.
Pursuant to your request, As you requested, a
enclosed please find a check for $150 is
check for $150. enclosed.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 18
Revising for Vigor and Directness
Unbury verbs.
Revise verbs that have been converted to
nouns.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Look
Lookforforwords
wordsending
endinginin
Tip tion
tionor
orment.
ment.Could
Couldthey
they
be
bemore
moreefficiently
efficientlyand
and
forcefully
forcefullyconverted
convertedtotoverbs?
verbs?

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 19
Revising for Vigor and Directness
Unbury verbs.
Poor: Improved:
The manager came to The manager
the realization that realized that
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

social networking social networking


made sense. made sense.
A job seeker must A job seeker must
make application apply before
before May 1. May 1.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 20
Revising for Vigor and Directness
Unbury verbs.
Poor: Improved:
Once we have the Once we
establishment of a establish a Web
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Web site, our site, our business


business will grow. will grow.
Please give serious Please seriously
consideration to a consider a
company vanpool.
company vanpool.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 21
Revising for Vigor and Directness
Control exuberance.
Limit intensifiers very, definitely, quite, really,
completely, extremely, actually, and totally.

Excessive Professional
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

The manager is actually The manager is


quite pleased with your pleased with your
proposal because the proposal because
plan is definitely the plan is workable.
workable.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 22
Revising for Vigor and Directness
Choose clear, precise words.
Strive for specific verbs, concrete nouns, and
vivid adjectives. Beware of unclear pronouns.
Unclear More precise
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

The man asked Jeff Jones asked for a 10


for a raise. percent salary increase.

An employee Kelly Keeler, production


presented a manager, presented a plan
proposal. to stagger hours.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 23
Revising for Vigor and Directness
Choose clear, precise words.
Include descriptive, dynamic adjectives instead of
overworked, all-purpose ones.

Poor: Improved:
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

They thought her The management council


report was good. thought Erin’s report was
factual and well written.

She said she would Sheila said she would


get in touch. send you a text message.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 24
Revising for Vigor and Directness

Poor: Improved:
The seller said he definitely The seller promised
would contact you. to e-mail you.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

We must give We must encourage


encouragement to our team. our team.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 25
Revising for Vigor and Directness

Poor: Improved:
Moviegoers actually show a Moviegoers prefer
total preference for buttered buttered popcorn.
popcorn.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Please make an Please assess the


assessment of the home’s home’s value.
value.
Ann made a suggestion that Ann suggested that
we hire Lee. we hire Lee.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 26
Revising for Readability
Employ white space.
 Headings
 Short paragraphs
 Ragged-right margins
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 27
Revising for Readability
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Serif typefaces have small features at the end
of strokes.
Times New Roman
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Century
Georgia
Palatino

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 28
Revising for Readability
Choose appropriate typefaces.
Sans serif typefaces are cleaner without
features. They are useful for headings, signs,
and noncontinuous reading material.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Arial
Tahoma
Verdana
Calibri
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 29
Revising for Readability
Capitalize on type fonts and sizes.

Font style: a specific style (such as italic,


boldface, underline, ALL CAPS) within a
typeface family (such as Arial)
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Font size: measured in points


 Most readers are comfortable with 10- to
12-point type for body text.
 Larger font size is appropriate for titles
and headings.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 30
Revising for Readability
Use numbered and bulleted lists.
Break up complex information into smaller
chunks to ensure rapid comprehension.
 Numbered lists: Use for sequences.
 Bulleted lists: Use for items that don’t
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

require a certain order.


 Capitalize the first word of each item.
 Add end punctuation only to items that are
complete sentences.
 Make each item parallel.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 31
Revising for Readability
Use bulleted lists for items that don’t
require a certain order.
Poor: Improved:
We want to hire an We want to hire an
accounting assistant accounting assistant with
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

who has good these qualifications:


communication skills, • Good communication
experience with Excel, skills
and a two-year college • Excel experience
degree.
• Two-year college degree.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 32
Revising for Readability
Use numbered lists for instructions.
Poor: Improved:
To clean the printer, you To clean the printer, do
should do the following.
the following:
First, you should
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

disconnect the power 1. Disconnect the power


cord. Then you open the cord.
front cover, and the
2. Open the front cover.
printer area should be
cleaned with a soft cloth. 3. Clean the printer with
a soft cloth.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 33
Revising for Readability
Add headings for visual impact.
Poor: Improved:
On April 3 we will be in Date City Speaker
Toledo, and the speaker
is Troy Lee. On May 20 April 3 Toledo Troy Lee
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

we will be in Detroit, and May 20 Detroit Sue Wu


the speaker is Sue Wu.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 34
Revising for Readability
Use paragraph headings to improve
organization and readability.
Poor: Improved:
The next topic is Vacations. A new vacation
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

vacations. A new vacation schedule will be available


schedule will be available on May 1.
on May 1.
To assist employees, we Flextime. To assist
will begin a flex schedule employees, we will begin a
in the fall. flex schedule in the fall.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 35
Improving Readability

Poor: Improved:
In the next training The next training session
session, the trainer will will demonstrate the
demonstrate how to following:
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

create podcasts, how to


share Web programs, • Creating podcasts
and how to build Web • Sharing programs
directories. • Building Web
directories

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 36
Improving Readability (Practice)

Poor: Improved:
In preparing for an employment You can prepare for
interview, you should begin by interviews by doing the
studying the job description. following:
• Study the job
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Itemizing your most strategic


skills and qualifications is also description.
important. Giving responses in • Itemize your most
a mock interview is another strategic skills and
good practice technique. qualifications.
• Practice giving
responses
in a mock interview.
Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 37
Phase 3: Proofreading
What to watch for in proofreading:

 Spelling
 Grammar
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

 Punctuation
 Names and numbers
 Format

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 38
Phase 3: Proofreading
How to proofread routine documents:
 On your computer screen, focus on one line
at a time.
 Read carefully for faults such as omitted or
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

double words
 Use a spell checker.
 Proofread from a hard
copy.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 39
Phase 3: Proofreading
How to proofread complex documents:
 Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
 Allow adequate time.
 Be prepared to find errors.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

 Read once for meaning


and once for
grammar/mechanics.
 Reduce your reading speed.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 40
Phase 3: Proofreading
For documents that must be perfect:
 Have someone read aloud the original
while someone else checks the printout.
 Spell names.
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

 Spell difficult words.


 Note capitalization.
 Note punctuation.

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 41
Phase 3: Evaluating
Answer these questions about your
document:
 How successful will this message be?
 Does it say what you want it to?
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

 Will it achieve its purpose?


 How will you know whether
it succeeds?

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 42
“I'm not a very good writer, but I'm
an excellent rewriter.”

-- James Michener, American


writer
© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy, Essentials of Business Communication, 9th Edition Chapter 4, Slide 43
END
Essentials of
Business
Communication 9e

Mary Ellen Guffey & Dana Loewy


© 2013 Cengage Learning ● All Rights Reserved

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