CONCISION

TECHNIQUES IN
WRITING
Instructor: Torgyn Ayazbay
 Concision

■ The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words.

■ Concise writing does not always have the fewest words, but it always uses the strongest ones.

■ Writers often fill sentences with weak or unnecessary words that can be deleted or replaced.

Words and phrases should be deliberately chosen for the work they are doing. Like bad

employees, words that don't accomplish enough should be fired.

■ When only the most effective words remain, writing will be far more concise and readable.
 Replace several vague words with more powerful
and specific words.
■ Often, writers use several small and ambiguous words to express a concept, wasting energy,
expressing ideas better relayed through fewer specific words. As a general rule, more specific
words lead to more concise writing. Because of the variety of nouns, verbs, and adjectives,
most things have a closely corresponding description. Brainstorming or searching a thesaurus
can lead to the word best suited for a specific instance. Notice that the examples below
actually convey more as they drop in word count.

Wordy: The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech

(14 words)

Concise: The politician touted after-school programs in his speech.

(8 words)
■ Wordy: Suzie believed but could not confirm that Billy had feelings of affection for her.

(14 words)

Concise: Suzie assumed that Billy adored her.

(6 words)

■ Wordy: Our Web site has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best
dentist.

(20 words)

Concise: Our website presents criteria for determining the best dentist.

(9 words)

■ Wordy: Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me
learn a lot.

(20 words)

Concise: Working as a photo technician's apprentice was an educational experience.

(10 words)
 Interrogate every word in a sentence

■ Check every word to make sure that it is providing something important and unique to a
sentence. If words are dead weight, they can be deleted or replaced. Other sections in
this handout cover this concept more specifically, but there are some general examples
below containing sentences with words that could be cut.

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words
from my essay that I had written for class.

(22 words)

Concise: The teacher demonstrated methods for cutting words from my essay.

(10 words)
■ Wordy: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic
name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the
new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic,
which people had really liked and had been very popular.

(66 words)

Concise: Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band in 1969, ironically naming it Blind Faith because
speculation suggested that the group would rival the musicians’ previous popular bands, Cream and Traffic.

(32 words)

■ Wordy: Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that
moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary
unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably
won’t move any time soon.

(67 words)

Concise: A rolling stone gathers no moss.

(6 words)
Combine sentences

■ Some information does not require a full sentence, and can easily be inserted into
another sentence without losing any of its value. To get more strategies for sentence
combining, see the handout on Sentence Variety (
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/sentence_variety/in
dex.html
)

Wordy: Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death,
he had commissioned three castles.

(18 words)

Concise: Ludwig's three castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness.

(11 words)
■ Wordy: The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in

extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947.

(24 words)

Concise: The supposed 1947 crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest

in extraterrestrial life.

(16 words)
Identifying and addressing wordiness in sentences

1. Eliminate redundant pairs

■ When the first word in a pair has roughly the same meaning as the second, choose one.

■ Common examples of redundant pairs include: full and complete, each and every, hopes and

dreams, whole entire, first and foremost, true and accurate, always and forever.

Example: For each and every book you purchase, you will receive a free bookmark.

Revision: For every book you purchase, you will receive a free bookmark.
2. Delete unnecessary qualifiers

■ Often we use qualifiers that really aren’t necessary to express our meaning (such as
“really” in this sentence). By deleting unnecessary qualifiers, you can often eliminate one
or two words per sentence. Tweaks like this may not seem like much, but they can add up.

■ Common qualifiers include: actually, really, basically, probably, very, definitely,

Example: Because a great many of the words in this sentence are basically unnecessary, it
would really be a very good idea to edit somewhat for conciseness.

Revision: Because many of the words in this sentence are unnecessary, we should edit it.
3. Identify and reduce prepositional phrases
■ Overuse of prepositional phrases (which begin with words like “in,” “for,” “at,” “on,”
“through,” and “over”) can make a sentence clunky and unclear. To locate this problem,
circle the prepositions in your draft and see whether you can eliminate any prepositional
phrases without losing your meaning. Sometimes the easiest way to revise a wordy
sentence is to ask yourself “What do I really mean here?” and then write a new sentence;
this approach can be more efficient than just tinkering with your existing sentence.

Example: The reason for the failure of the basketball team of the University of North Carolina
in the Final Four game against the team from Kansas was that on that day and at that time,
some players were frequently unable to rebound the ball.

Revision: UNC’s basketball team lost the Final Four game against Kansas because it could not
consistently rebound the ball.
4. Locate and delete unnecessary modifiers

■ Sometimes the meaning of a word or phrase implies its modifier, making the modifier
unnecessary.

Example: Do not try to anticipate in advance those events that will completely revolutionize
society.

In this example, “anticipate” already implies that something is in advance, and

Revision: Do not try to anticipate revolutionary events.

■ Many commonly-used phrases can be replaced with single words. These phrases often crop up in
writing that requires a formal tone, but they detract from, rather than add to, meaning.

■ “The reason for”, “due to the fact that”, “in light of the fact that”, “given the fact that”, and
“considering the fact that” can be replaced with because, since, or why.

■ “In the event that” and “under circumstances in which” can be replaced with if. “It is necessary
that” and “cannot be avoided” can be replaced with must or should.

■ “For the purpose of” can often be replaced with an infinitive verb (the “to ____” form of the
verb).

Example: In the event that going out for the purpose of eating with them cannot be avoided, it is
necessary that we first go to the ATM, in light of the fact that I am out of cash.

Revision: If we must go out to eat with them, we should first go to the ATM because I am out of cash.
6. Identify negatives and change them to affirmatives

■ Expressing ideas in negative form means you must use an extra word; it also makes
readers work harder to figure out your meaning.

Example: If you do not have more than five years of experience, do not call for an interview
if you have not already spoken to human resources.

Revision: Applicants with more than five years of experience can bypass human resources
and call for an interview.
Passive voice

■ In an active sentence, the subject (the person or thing doing the action) comes first. In a passive sentence, the
order of the words is different-the object (the thing that is receiving the action) comes first, and the subject
appears at the end of the sentence or isn’t included at all. To spot the passive voice, look at the main verb of
each sentence-if there’s a form of “be” (am, is, are, was, were) and a past tense verb (many end with -ed), the
sentence may be passive.
■ The passive voice is not a grammatical error, and it can be useful, especially in scientific writing. But writing
in the passive voice often leads to using more words than necessary. Passive sentences can also frustrate or
confuse your readers, who must wait patiently to find out who or what did the action of the sentence.

Example: The 1780 constitution of Massachusetts was written by John Adams.

In this passive construction, the meaning of the sentence is clear, but there are more words than necessary. To
make this sentence more concise, move the subject to the front and get rid of the “to be” verb (in this case,
“was”).

Revision: John Adams wrote the 1780 Massachusetts Constitution.

Another example: The letter was taken to the mailbox by Sally.

Revision: Sally took the letter to the mailbox.

■ Now that you know how to avoid wordiness at the sentence level, you may want to try some
additional strategies to use the space in your papers efficiently.

Think about your argument

■ What is the thesis of your paper? What exactly are you trying to accomplish? And what components
of your paper are necessary to prove your argument? In a thesis-driven essay, every part of your
paper should be geared toward proving that argument. Sometimes this proof will come in the form
of direct evidence supporting your thesis; other times you will be addressing counterarguments.

■ Every paragraph in your essay must have a purpose. When revising, critically examine each
paragraph and ask yourself whether it is necessary to your overall thesis. You may decide to cut
some paragraphs. This process could be painful, especially if you have done a lot of research you’d
like to include or need more words to meet a page limit, but it will strengthen your paper.

adapted from: © 2021 The Writing Center • University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
Practice:
Wordy

1. However, it must be remembered that Ruth’s marriage could have positive effects on
Naomi’s situation.

2. In high school, where I had the opportunity for three years of working with the
student government, I realized how significantly a person’s enthusiasm can be
destroyed merely by the attitudes of his superiors.

3. The economic situation of Anne Moody was also a crucial factor in the formation of
her character.

4. Frequently, a chapter in a book reveals to the reader the main point that the author
desires to bring out during the course of the chapter.
Possible answer:
Wordy: Concise:

1. However, it must be remembered that Ruth’s marriage could 1. Ruth’s marriage, however, will also provide security for
have positive effects on Naomi’s situation. Naomi.

2. In high school, where I had the opportunity for three years of 2. In high school, during three years on the student council, I
working with the student government, I realized how saw students’ enthusiasm destroyed by insecure teachers and
significantly a person’s enthusiasm can be destroyed merely by cynical administrators.
the attitudes of his superiors.

3. The economic situation of Anne Moody was also a crucial 3. Anne Moody’s poverty also helped form her character.
factor in the formation of her character.

4. Frequently, a chapter in a book reveals to the reader the main 4. A chapter’s title often reveals its thesis.
point that the author desires to bring out during the course of the
chapter.
Practice:

Wordy

1. The scene is taking place at night, in front of the capitol building.

2. The friar is knowledgeable about Juliet being alive.

3. There are two pine trees which are growing behind this house.
Possible answers:
Wordy Concise

1. The scene is taking place at night, in 1. The scene takes place at night, in front
front of the capitol building. of the capitol building.

2. The friar is knowledgeable about Juliet 2. The friar knows that Juliet is alive.
being alive.

3. There are two pine trees which are 3. Two pine trees grow behind this house.
growing behind this house.
Practice:
Wordy

1. The Book of Ruth was probably written in the fifth century B.C. It was a time when
women were considered the property of men.

2. This is a quote from Black Elk’s autobiography that discloses his prophetic powers.

3. It is frequently considered that Hamlet is Shakespeare’s most puzzling play.

1. The Book of Ruth was probably written in the fifth 1. The Book of Ruth was probably written in the fifth
century B.C. It was a time when women were century B.C., when women were considered the
considered the property of men. property of men.

2. This is a quote from Black Elk’s autobiography that 2. This quote from Black Elk’s autobiography discloses
discloses his prophetic powers. his prophetic powers.

3. It is frequently considered that Hamlet is 3. Hamlet is frequently considered Shakespeare’s most