Famly Relationships To Date 2023

Warsaw International Studies in
Psychology 2023
Gerard D. Hoefling, Ph.D.
Goldey-Beacom College
Family Relationships
Warsaw international Studies in
Psychology – Family
Relationships
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley in your
head.”
Martin Mull
“All happy families are happy in the same way. All
unhappy families are unhappy in their own special
way.”
Leo Tolstoy
What is family?
Reaching a definition.
How many people in your family?
Religion?
Education?
Race/Ethnicity?
Socioeconomic class?
Rural/Urban/Suburban?
Your place in family?
Blended family or original biological family?
Family values?
Introduce the Family as a “System”

Salvadore Minuchin and Family Systems
Theory
Development of Famly Systems Theory
Erica Fromm-Reichmann
Identified parental characteristics among families with
schizophrenic sons.
passive-detached ineffectual fathers
domineering, cold, guilt-producing mothers
Roots in General Systems Theory
Ludwig von Bertalanfy
First proposed theory in an attempt to devise a
comprehensive theoretical model that would
embrace all areas of scientific inquiry.
The Palo-Alto Group
Gregory Bateson
Studied role of family environment
Identified the double-bind
Salvadore Minuchin
Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic
Family Systems Theory and Therapy
The Family System
Two Boundaries of Family System
OPEN
Family members have a high level of
social exchange with external
environment.
CLOSED
Family members have limited or
restricted exchange with external
environment. Insular.
Families Navigate Four Sources of Stress
 Stressful Contact of One Member with Extrafamilial Forces
Mother has a bad day at the office
Oldest son breaks-up with girlfriend
 Stressful Contact of the Whole Family with Extrafamilial
Forces
War
Flood
Poverty and Discrimination
 Stress at Transitional Points in the Family
Birth of First Child
Last Child Leaves for College
Death of a Parent
 Stress Around Idiosyncratic Problems
Alcoholic father
A child with a mental or physical “disability”
Family Sub-Systems: Spousal
Spousal Spousal
Partner Partner
One (SP) Two (SP)
Primary Responsibility of Spousal Sub-System
Sexual and Emotional Intimacy

Mutual Support
Mutual Respect
Mutual Comfort and Care
Consenual Validation
Family Sub-Systems: Parental/Executive
Mom Dad
Son Son
Daughter Son
Son
Children all have the same parents right? Shared memories/experiences.

Primary Responsibilities of Sibling Sub-Systems
Negotiation and Trust

Conflict Resolution
Cooperation
Competition
Gender Socialization
Social skills
Preparation for move to Autonomy
Family Sub-Systems: By Gender
Dad
Son Son
Son
Son
Mom
Daughter
Dad
Daughter
Family Sub-Systems: Gender
Mom
Son Son
Son
Son
Primary Responsibilities of Gender Sub-Systems
Provide an important vehicle for gender

socialization; what it means to be male or
female as well as how to interact with
opposite sex.
Primary Functions of Sub-Systems
 SPOUSAL SUB-SYSTEM:
Sexual and Emotional Intimacy
Mutual Support and Comfort
Consensual Validation
 PARENTAL SUB-SYSTEM:
Discipline, Guidance, Protection, Nurturance of Children
Decision Making
Interpretation of Needs
 SIBLING SUB-SYSTEM:
Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, Cooperation, Competition
Social skills and preparation for move to Autonomy
 GENDER BASED SUB-SYSTEMS:
Provide vehicle for gender socialization; what it means to be
male/female as well as how to interact with
opposite sex.
*** Not an all-inclusive list***
Three Lines of Communication within Family Sub-Systems
DISENGAGED
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
CLEAR
BALANCED COMMUNICATION
ENMESHED
EXCESS COMMUNICATION
Family Systems Theory Applications
 Research Applications
Courtship Parenting
Marriage Work
Communications Sibling Relations
Psychosomatic Families
 The Psychosomatic Family

Salvadore Minuchin & Philadelphia Child Guidance Clinic
* The identified patient as symptom
* Typology
 Family Therapy
Asthma
Childhood Diabetes
Anorexia Nervosa
4 Assumptions of Family Therapy
Family is a group whose members are related in
a mutually responsive way.

Reciprocal influences
Acting “out of the ordinary”
Family maintains homeostatic organization
Dysfunctional if patterns fail to accommodate
development
Regulatory system seen in way family

communicates and maintains boundaries and
lines of communication
The key to changing dysfunctional family is in

changing communication
The Historical Family: Tradition and change

The Extended Family – perhaps the earliest form of
familial organization
The Patriarchal Family – most common modern form
across cultures
The Matriarchal Family – rarer female dominated
family
The Blended Family – a growing reality across cultures
Other forms?
Important Caveat of Life Cycle!

Six stages represents just one model and
not all families will experience all stages!
Familes like individuals experience
idiosyncratic differences.
The Origin of Family; the Development of
Intimacy.
Intimacy is the ability to experience an open,
warm, and supportive relationship with another
person without fear of losing one’s identity in the
process. (applies to both romantic and platonic
relationships).
Components of Intimacy
1) trying to understand the other person’s point
of view and to be understood in return.
2) mutual trust
3) the opportunity to disclose personal information
4) demonstrations of affection
5) mutual respect
6) appreciation of the centrality of the other in your life
Developmental Stages of Intimacy
1) Attraction/Rejection
2) Infatuation * worst time to marry *
3) Conflict
4) Practicing/Negotiating Difference
5) Reconnecting/Resolution
6) Intimacy
A Closer Look at Conflict
The learning challenges in this stage are as follows:
a) Individuals must learn to maintain a clear sense of self,
b) Individuals must learn to self-soothe instead of
expecting the partner to do this for them. Stop
expecting other to change,
c) Individuals must learn to control reactivity instead of
disinvesting from the relationship.
Conflict Continued:
d) Partners may develop the ability to face the issues
that haunt the relationship and develop the
willingness to tolerate discomfort for growth
OR
a) Partners may bicker, intimidate, yell, attack, blame or
dominate. Inflate selves to feel powerful, because of
fear. Get trapped in a cycle of anger and conflict.
Partners are too terrified to end the relationship and
not mature enough to end the battles.
Conflict Continued:
b) Partners may engage in passive-aggressive sniping,
they resentfully comply, sulk or withdraw. This can
lead to hiding by deception and denying anything’s
wrong; avoid conflict or minimize differences.
These are the conflict avoidant couples
Practicing/Negotiating Differences
The focus becomes on consciously promoting each
other's physical, emotional, sexual, psychological,
social, and spiritual growth, as well as promoting their
own.
Reconnecting/Resolution
Partners have developed an appreciation for one
another and for mutual uniqueness and individuality.
Partners are more accepting of selves and each other, so
there is no need to control or engage in power struggles.
Relationship and intimacy deepens at all levels.
Intimacy
Partners are now encouraged and supported by the other to
grow by following their passions and through external contacts
with the world. Individuals can do this because they are backed
by the knowledge that they are deeply loved, trusted and
respected.
What is seen at this stage is a pair of well-integrated individuals,
with satisfaction in their own lives and clarity about their own
values and beliefs. They have created a bond that is mutually
satisfying, based on a foundation of trust and growth, rather than
on need.
TED Talks Intimacy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK8f8w7ICng
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cN0ElG13EmQ

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Warsaw International Studies in

Introduce the Family as a “System”

Sexual and Emotional Intimacy

Children all have the same parents right? Shared memories/experiences.

Negotiation and Trust

Provide an important vehicle for gender

 The Psychosomatic Family

a mutually responsive way.

Regulatory system seen in way family

The key to changing dysfunctional family is in

The Historical Family: Tradition and change

Important Caveat of Life Cycle!

TED Talks Intimacy

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