Chapter: 3

Construction of Clear Sentences and

Paragraphs

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 Sentences should be adapted to readers.
 Use the simpler sentence structures for those less
able to understand; use the more complex structures
when appropriate.
 Short sentences communicate better because of mind
limitations.
 Apparently, the mind can hold only so much
information at one time.
 Thus, to give it too much information is to risk
miscommunication.
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 Short means about 16 – 18 words for middle-
level readers.
 But the excessive use of short sentences is
also bad. The overuse of short sentences
results in a choppy (irregular, broken up)
effect.

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 The following sentence from an employee handbook
illustrates the effect of long sentences on communication:
 When an employee has changed from one job to another
job, the new corresponding coverage will be effective as of
the date the change occurs, provided, however, if due to a
physical disability or infirmity as a result of advanced age,
an employee is changed from one job to another job and
such change results in the employee’s new job rate coming
within a lower hourly job-rate bracket in the table, the
employee may, at the discretion of the company, continue
the amount of group term life insurance and the amount of
accidental death and dismemberment insurance that the
employee had prior to such change.

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 The chances are that you did not get a clear message
from this sentence when you first read it.
 The explanation is not in the words used; you
probably know them all. Neither is it in the ideas
presented, they are relatively simple. The obvious
explanation is the length of the sentence.
 So many words and relationships are there that they
cause confusion.
 The result is vague communication at best ---
complete miscommunication at worst.
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 Now look at the message written in all short sentences. The
meanings may be clear, but the choppy effect is distracting
and irritating. Imagine reading a long document written in
this style.
 An employee may change jobs. The change may result in a
lower pay bracket. The new coverage is effective when this
happens. The job change must be because of physical
disability. It can also be because of infirmity. Old age may
be another cause. The company has some discretion in the
matter. It can permit continuing the accidental death
insurance. It can permit continuing the dismemberment
insurance.
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 The following paragraph takes a course between
these two extremes. Clearly, it is an improvement.
Generally, it emphasizes short sentences, but it
combines content items where appropriate.
 The new insurance coverage becomes effective
when because of disability, infirmity, or ages an
employee’s job change results in lower pay. But at
its discretion, the company may permit the old
insurance coverage to continue.
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 You can write short, simple sentences in
two basic ways:
 By limiting sentence content
 By using words economically

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Limiting sentence content
 Limiting sentence content is largely a matter
of mentally selecting thought units and making
separate sentences of most of them.
 Sometimes, of course, you should combine
thoughts into one sentence, but only when you
have good reason. You have good reasons, for
example, when thoughts are closely related.
 Avoid overdoing this suggestion. Too many
short sentences give a choppy effect.
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Economizing on Words

 Seek shorter ways of saying things.

 In general, the shorter wordings save the
reader time and are clearer and more
interesting.
 Following are some of the ways to
economize words.

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Cluttering Phrases
 Cluttering Phrases : This is a phrase that can be
replaced by shorter wording without loss of
meaning. Example,
 In the event that payment is not made by
January, operations will cease. (uneconomical)
If payment is not made by January, operations will
cease. (economical)
 In spite of the fact that they received help, they
failed to exceed the quota. (uneconomical)
Although they received help, they failed to exceed the
quota. (economical)
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 Cluttering Phrase Shorter Substitution
 Along the lines of Like
 At the present time Now
 For the purpose of For
 For the reason that Because
 In the near future Soon
 In the few cases Seldom

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 Surplus Words
 Surplus Words: To write economically, eliminate
words that add nothing to sentence meaning.
 Example: It will be noted that the records for the
past years show a steady increase in special
appropriations.
 The beginning words add nothing to the meaning of
the sentence. Notice how dropping them makes the
sentence stronger ---- and without loss of meaning:
The records of the past years show a steady increase
in special appropriations.

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Surplus Words
 Here is a second example:
His performance was good enough to enable
him to qualify for the promotion.
 The words to enable add nothing and can be
dropped:
His performance was good enough to qualify
him for the promotion.

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Contains Surplus Words Eliminates Surplus Words

He ordered desks that are of the executive He ordered executive-type desks.

type.
There are four rules that should be Four rules should be observed.
observed.
In addition to these defects, numerous Numerous other defects ruin the operating
other defects ruin the operating procedure. procedure.

The machines that were damaged by the The machines damaged by the fire were
fire were repaired. repaired.
By the examining of production records, By examining production records, they
they found the error. found the error.

In the period between April and June, we Between April and June we detected the
detected the problem. problem.
I am prepared to report to the effect that I am prepared to report that sales
sales increased. increased.

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Roundabout Constructions
 Roundabout Constructions: Avoid roundabout
ways of saying things. Example:
The department budget can be observed to be
decreasing each new year.
 Do the words can be observed to be decreasing get to
the point? Is the idea of observing essential? Is new
needed? A more direct and better sentence is this
one:
The department budget decreases each year.
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Roundabout Sentence
 Here is another roundabout sentence:
The union is involved in the task of reviewing
the seniority provision of the contract.
 Now if the union is involved in the task of
reviewing, it is really reviewing. The sentence
should be written in these direct words:
The union is reviewing the seniority provision
of the contract.
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 Further illustrations:
Roundabout Direct

The president is of the opinion that the tax The president believes the tax was paid.
was paid.

It is essential that the income be used to The income must be used to retire the debt.
retire the debt.

Reference is made to your May 10 report in Your May 10 report concluded that the
which you concluded that the warranty is warranty is worthless.
worthless.

The supervisors should take appropriate The supervisors should determine whether
action to determine whether absentee reports the absentee reports are being verified
are being verified.

He criticized everyone he came in contact He criticized everyone he met.

with.
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Unnecessary Repetition of Words or
Ideas
 Unnecessary Repetition of Words or Ideas: Repeat words
only for effect and emphasis. Repeating words obviously
adds to sentence length and also it is purposeless. Example:
 We have not received your payment covering invoices
covering June and July purchases.
 It would be better to write the sentence like this:
 We have not received your payment covering invoices for
June and July purchases.
 Another example is this one:
 He stated that he believes that we are responsible.
 The following sentence eliminates one of the that’s:
 He stated that he believes we are responsible.
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Needless Repetition Repetition Eliminated

Please endorse your name on the Please endorse this check.

back of this check.

We must assemble together at 10:30 We must assemble at 10:30 AM.

AM in the morning.

Our new model is longer in length than Our new model is longer than the old
the old one. one.

One should know the basic One should know the fundamentals of
fundamentals of clear writing. clear writing.

At the present time, we are conducting We are conducting two clinics.

two clinics.

We should plan in advance for the We should plan.

future.

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 Repetitions of ideas through the use of different
words that mean the same thing (free gift, true fact,
past history) also add to sentence length.
 Known as redundancies, such repetitions are
illogical and can rarely be defended. Example:
In my opinion, I think the plan is sound.
 Do not in my opinion and I think express the same
thought? Could you possibly think in an opinion
other than your own? The following sentence makes
better sense:
I think the plan is sound.
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Determining Emphasis in Sentence
Design
 The sentences you write should give the right
emphasis to content.
 Any written business communication contains a
number of items of information, not all of which are
equally important.
 Some are very important, such as a conclusion in a
report or the objective in a message. Others are
relatively unimportant.
 Your task as a writer is to form your sentences to
communicate the importance of each item.
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 Sentence length affects emphasis.
 Short, simple sentences carry more emphasis than long,
involved ones. They stand out and call attention to their
contents. Thus, they give the reader a single message without
the interference of related or supporting information.
 Longer sentences give less emphasis to their contents. When a
sentence contains two or more ideas, the ideas share emphasis.
How they share it depends on how the sentence is constructed.
 Example:
 You have two items of information to write. One is that the
company lost money last year. The other is that its sales volume
reached a record high. You could present the information in at
least 3 ways.

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 First, you could give both items equal emphasis by placing them in
separate short sentences:
The company lost money last year. The loss occurred in spited of
record sales.
 Second, you could present the two items in the same sentence with
emphasis on the lost money.
Although the company enjoyed record sales last year, it lost money.
Third, you could present the two items in one sentence with emphasis
on the sales increase:
 The company enjoyed record sales last year, although it lost
money.
 Which way would you choose? The answer depends on how much
emphasis each item deserves. You should think the matter through
and follow your best judgment.
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Giving the Sentences Unity

 All parts of a sentence should concern one thought.

Violations of unity in sentence construction fall into 3
categories:
 Unrelated ideas: You can give unity to sentences that
contain unrelated ideas in 3 basic ways:
 (1) You can put the ideas in separate sentences.
 (2) You can make one of the ideas subordinate to the other.
 (3) You can add words that show the ideas are related.
Example: Mr. Jordan is our sales manager, and he has a degree in
law.
 Mr. Jordan is our sales manager. He has a law degree.
 Mr. Jordan, our sales manager, has a law degree.

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 For the third way, consider the following
example:
Our production increased in January, and our
equipment is wearing out.
 Adding words can provide unity to the
sentence:
Even though our equipment is wearing out,
our production increased in January.
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 Excessive Detail: If the detail is important, put it in a
separate sentence. This means using short sentences.
 Illogical Constructions: Active and passive voice in
the same sentence can violate unity. Example:
First we cut prices, and then quality was reduced.
 This can be changed to the following to bring unity:
First we cut prices, and then we reduced quality.

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Care in Paragraph Design
 Paragraphing is also important to clear communication.
 Paragraphs show the reader where topics begin and end, thus
helping organize information in the reader’s mind.
 Paragraphs also help make ideas stand out.
 Paragraphing shows and emphasizes organization.
 It involves logical thinking.
 The contents of a paragraph should concern one topic or idea
(unity).
 But unity can vary in breadth. Paragraph unity concerns a
narrow topic.

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 A violation of unity is illustrated in the
following paragraph from an application
letter. As the goal of the paragraph is to
summarize the applicant’s coursework, all the
sentences should pertain to coursework. By
shifting to personal qualities, the third
sentence violates paragraph unity. Taking this
sentence out would correct the fault.
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 At the university I studied all the basic accounting courses
as well as specialized courses in taxation, international
accounting, and computer security. I also took specialized
coursework in the behavioral areas, with emphasis on
human relations. Realizing the value of human relations in
business, I also actively participated in organizations, such as
Sigma Nu (social fraternity), Alpha Kappa Psi (professional
fraternity), Intramural Soccer, and A cappella. I selected my
elective coursework to round out my general business
education. Among my electives were courses in investments,
advanced business report writing, financial policy, and
management information systems. A glance at my resume
will show you the additional courses that round out my
training.

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 Generally paragraphs should be short.
 Short paragraphs show organization better
than long ones.
 Most readers prefer to read short paragraphs.
 About eight lines is a good average length.
 But length can and should vary with need.
 A good practice is to question paragraphs
over 12 lines.
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 Making Good Use of Topic Sentences: One good way of
organizing paragraphs is to use topic sentences.
 The topic sentence expresses the main idea of a paragraph,
and the remaining sentences build around and support it.
 In a sense, the topic sentence serves as a headline for the
paragraph, and all the other sentences supply the story.
 Using topic sentences forces you to find the central idea of
each paragraph and helps you check paragraph unity.
 Placement of the topic sentence depends on the writer’s plan.

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 Topic Sentence First: The most common paragraph
arrangement begins with the topic sentence and continues
with the supporting material. Example:
 A majority of the economists consulted think that
business activity will drop during the first quarter of next
year. Of the 185 economists interviewed, 13% looked for
continued increases in business activity, and 28%
anticipated little or no change from the present high level.
The remaining 59% looked for a recession. Of this group,
nearly all (87%) believed that the downturn would occur
during the first quarter of the year.

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 Topic Sentence at End: The second most common paragraph
arrangement places the topic sentence at the end, usually as a conclusion.
Paragraphs of this kind usually present the supporting details first, and
from these details they lead readers to the conclusion. Such paragraphs
often begin with what may appear to be a topic sentence. But the final
sentence covers their real meat, as in this illustration:
 The significant role of inventories in the economic picture should not
be overlooked. At present, inventories represent 3.8 months’ supply.
Their dollar value is the highest in history. If considered in relation to
increased sales, however, they are not excessive. In fact, they are well
within the range generally believed to be safe. Thus, inventories are
not likely to cause a downward swing in the economy.

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 Topic Sentence within the Paragraph: A third arrangement
places the topic sentence somewhere within the paragraph.
This arrangement is rarely used, for good reason. It does not
emphasize the topic sentence, although the topic sentence
usually deserves emphasis. Still, you can sometimes justify
using this arrangement for special effect, as in this example:
 Numerous materials have been used in manufacturing
this part. And many have shown quite satisfactory results.
Material 329, however, is superior to them all. When built
with material 329, the part is almost twice as strong as
when built with the next best material. It is also three
ounces lighter. Most important, it is cheaper than any of
the other products.

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