Module 3: Understanding Harmony in the Family and Society-

Harmony in Human-Human Relationship [6]

13. Understanding harmony in the Family- the basic unit of human interaction
14. Understanding values in human-human relationship; meaning of Nyaya and
program for its fulfillment to ensure Ubhay-tripti;
Trust (Vishwas) and Respect (Samman) as the foundational values of relationship
15. Understanding the meaning of Vishwas; Difference between intention and
competence
16. Understanding the meaning of Samman, Difference between respect and
differentiation; the other salient values in relationship
17. Understanding the harmony in the society (society being an extension of
family): Samadhan, Samridhi, Abhay, Sah-astitva as comprehensive Human Goals
18. Visualizing a universal harmonious order in society- Undivided Society (Akhand
Samaj), Universal Order (Sarvabhaum Vyawastha )- from family to world family!

- Practice Exercises and Case Studies will be taken up in Practice Sessions.

Harmony In The Family
Harmony In The Family –
Understanding Values In Human
Relationships
 
 Family is the Basic Unit of all Interaction: Each of us is born
into a family which includes a number of relationships. These
relationships are the reality of our life. We recognize and identify
these individuals. We share our feelings, tastes, interests and
understanding with these people and have an affinity for them.
 Beginning with our family as the basic unit of interaction, we
extend our interactions to the immediate neighbourhood such as
the shopkeepers, servants, classmates, teachers, colleagues etc.
Thus we extend our interactions from beginning from our family
to a bigger social order and then move further to a still bigger
web of interdependency.
Set of proposals to verify Harmony in the Family:

 1.      Relationship IS and it exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’): In a
family, we do not create relationships. Instead we are embedded into relationships that
are already there and all that we need to do is to recognize them and understand them.
 2.      The Self (‘I’) has feelings in a relationship. These feelings are between (‘I’)
and (‘I’): In any relationship, it is the person’s Self (I) that is related to the other
person’s Self (I). The body is only a means to express our relationship. For example, in
a mother and a child, it is the Self of the mother and the Self of the child who feel
connected. Their bodies are incapable of understanding or having feelings.
 3.      These feelings in the (‘I’) are definite. i.e. they can be identified with
definiteness: The feelings in a relationship between “I” and “I” such as Trust, Respect,
Affection etc., can be identified with clarity. These feelings are the values which
characterize any relationship.
 4.       Recognizing and Fulfilling these feelings lead to Mutual Happiness in a
relationship: Once we recognize the values essential for any relationship, we start
working and behaving according to these feelings. We begin evaluating ours’ and
others’ feelings in the relationship. Thus living with these values leads to mutual
fulfillment and happiness in all our relationships.
Understanding values in human-human relationship; meaning of
Nyaya and program for its fulfillment to ensure Ubhay-tripti

 Justice (Nyaya): 

1.Justice is the recognition of values (the definite feelings) in relationship,

their fulfillment, the right evaluation of the fulfillment resulting in mutual
happiness. Justice concerns itself with the proper ordering of things and
people within a society.
2.There are four elements: Recognition of values, fulfillment, evaluation and
mutual happiness ensured. When all the four are ensured, justice is ensured.
Mutual fulfillment is the hallmark of justice. And justice is essential in all
relationships. Justice starts from family and slowly expands to the world
family. The child gets the understanding of justice in the family. With this
understanding, he goes out in the society and interacts with people.
 3.If the understanding of justice is ensured in the family, there
will be justice in all the interactions we have in the world at
large.
 4.If we do not understand the values in relationships, we are
governed by our petty prejudices and conditionings. We may
treat people as high or low based on their body (particular caste,
or sex or race or tribe), on the basis of wealth one possesses or
the belief systems that one follows. All this is source of injustice
and leads to fragmented society while our natural acceptance is
for an undivided society and universal human order. Having
explored the harmony in the human beings, we are able to
explore the harmony in the family.
Present Scenario: Differentiation (Disrespect)
in relationships on the basis of body, physical
facilities, or beliefs –
Respect means accepting individuality and doing right evaluation (to be
evaluated as I am).
Our basis for respect today is largely quite contrary to our discussion above.
Instead of respect being a basis of similarity or one of right evaluation, we have
made it into something on the basis of which we differentiate i.e. by respecting
you mean you are doing something special, because you are special or have
something special or are in some special position. Thus, all of us are running
around seeking respect from one another by trying to become something
special.
Today, we are differentiating in the name of respect. We either differentiate
people on the basis of their body, on the basis of their wealth and possessions or
on the basis of their beliefs. There is no notion of respect in terms of right
evaluation. Thus, there is no real feeling of relationship, only one of
differentiation.
1.On the basis of body

 Sex/gender: We ignore the fact that being male or female is an attribute of the
body, and not an attribute at the level of ‘I’. And differentiate in giving respect
on the basis of gender called male and females. In many countries, people even
prefer a male child to a female child, and in some other societies, the other way
round.
 Race: If the person is of the same race as oneself, then we treat them
differently. For example, we differentiate on the basis of skin colour – white,
brown, black etc. or on the basis of whether the person is of Aryan race,
Mongolian race etc. or on the basis of caste. Again here, we don’t do the
evaluation on the basis of ‘I’, but on the basis of the body
   Age: We have notions such as ‘one must respect elders’. There is no such
notion as respect youngsters. Here, we see that we are again evaluating at the
level of the body – age is related to the body, and not to ‘I’.
 Physical strength: If someone is stronger, we again treat him/her differently.
This is again at the level of the body. In fact, we think that we are respecting
the other while it is fear; the fear that if we do not treat them like this, we will
2.On the basis of physical facilities

   Wealth: We differentiate people because some have wealth than

others. What we term as a “rich person” gets idolized. We don’t
even bother to find out whether such people are feeling prosperous,
or if they just have wealth. This way, we are over-evaluating
physical facilities first, which are just meant to fulfil the needs of the
body, and then on this basis, we are wrongly identifying our
relationship.
   Post: We try to respect on the basis of a person’s position. The post
is wrongly evaluated as the mark of a person’s excellence and
differentiation sets in. The post is considered important either on the
basis that it gives more physical facilities or on the basis that certain
positions are assumed to be important. In our education, we are
trained directly or indirectly to earn posts for us to fetch respect.
3.On the basis of beliefs

  ‘Isms’: ‘Ism’ means any belief in terms of a ‘thought-system’ that we have, or that

we have adopted. There are also many modern ‘isms’ such as capitalism, socialism,
communism, etc. The people following these sets of beliefs are called capitalists,
socialists, communists, and so on. The people that have adopted them or are
following them have been exposed to them since childhood. Believing theirs to be the
right belief. However, all beliefs, as we have seen are at the level of desires, thoughts
and expectations (selections) in ‘I’. There is no definiteness at this level, and hence,
this becomes a cause for differentiation.
Sects: People of one sect only consider those with a similar belief system to be their

‘own’ and worthy of respect. Following a particular tradition, or what we call as

religion, becomes the basis of respect and disrespect in relationship.
Differentiation
1. Differentiation is lack of understanding of respect.
 2. This differentiation can take the form of:
 o   Gender bias
 o   Generation gap
 o   Caste struggle
 o   Power play and domination
 o   Communal violence
 o   Clash of race, religion, etc.
 o   class struggle,
 3. This leads to the escalation in the problems of society which
further lowers the respect shown to others in society.
The Problems Faced Due To Differentiation In Relationships:

  Differentiation based on sex/gender: Issue of women’s rights, and

women protesting and demanding for equality in education, in jobs,
and in peoples’ representation. People are insecure and afraid of one
another based on their gender.
 Differentiation based on race: there are many movements and

protect against racial discrimination and demands for equality, racial

attacks, movements against cast discrimination has people living in
fear of such racism, racist attacks, casticism and discrimination.
 Differentiation based on age: Protests and movements demanding

for equal rights for children on the one hand and for rights for
elderly people on the other,
 generation gap.
 Differentiation based on wealth: Class struggle and movements to do
away with class-differentiation. Many people suffering from a lack of self-
esteem and some even committing suicide,
 Differentiation based on post: Protests against high handed government

officials. At the level of the individual, leads to depression, etc.

 Differentiation based on ’isms: Fights, turmoil, terrorism and war, people

converting from one Ism to another in order to be able to get more respect.
 Differentiation based on sects: Countless religions and sects and each sect

has its own movement to ensure that there is no discrimination against

people of their belief and demands for special provisions in jobs and in
education.
Foundation Value and Complete Value in Human
Relationship:

 There are nine feelings (values)

in human relationships .
**Trust, Respect, Affection, Care, Guidance,
Reverence, Glory, Gratitude and Love.
Foundational value in Relationship-
TRUST

 1.      Trust: Trust or vishwas is the

foundational value in relationship. “To be
assured that each human being
inherently wants oneself and the other to
be happy and prosperous.” If we have
trust in the other, we are able to see the
other as a relative and not as an adversary.
There are two aspects in trust:

    i.            Intention (wanting to – our natural acceptance)

    ii.            Competence (being able to do)
    Both intention and competence are the aspects of trust.
Intention is what one aspires for (our natural acceptance) and
competence is the ability to fulfill the aspiration. In intention
every human being wants to do what is right, only the
competence may be lacking which needs to be developed
through proper understanding and practice. But what we are
doing today is that when we are judging ourself we are judging
on the basis of our intention, whereas, when we are judging the
other we are judging him on the basis of his competence.
 2.      Respect: Respect means individuality. The
sense of individuality is prime object. This is the first
basic step towards respect (sammana). Once we
realized that we are individual then only we can see
our self different from others. In other words, respect
means right evaluation, to be evaluated as I am
 Difference between Respect and Differentiation / Disrespect:

Respect
 1. Respect is right evaluation.
2. Respect for others is generated by the right evaluation and understanding
which leads to fulfilment in relationships. This further creates a sense of respect among
people
Differentiation 1. Differentiation is lack of understanding of respect.
2. This differentiation can take the form of:
o   Gender bias
o   Generation gap

o   Caste struggle

o   Power play and domination

o   Communal violence

o   Clash of race, religion, etc.

o   class struggle,

3. This leads to the escalation in the problems of society which further lowers

the respect shown to others in society.

 3.      Affection: Affection is the feeling of being related to the other. Affection
comes when I recognize that we both want to make each other happy and both of
us are similar.

 4.      Care: The feeling of care is the feeling to nurture and protect the body
of our relative. Or in other words a state of mind in which one is troubled;
worry, anxiety, or concern is called care.

 5.      Guidance: The feeling of ensuring right understanding and feelings in

the other (my relative) is called guidance. We understand the need of self (‘I’)
for right understanding and feelings. We also understand that the other is similar
to me in his/her faculty of natural acceptance, desire of wanting continuous
happiness and the program of living in harmony at all the four levels.
 6.      Reverence: The feeling of acceptance of excellence in the other is
called reverence. When we see that the other has achieved this
excellence- which means to understand and to live in harmony at all the
levels of living ensuring continuity of happiness, we have a feeling of
reverence for him/her.

7.      Glory: Each one of us wants to live with continuous happiness and

prosperity. Each one of us has the similar faculty of natural acceptance,
has the same goal and program and we have the same potential to realize
this. Glory is the feeling for someone who has made efforts for
excellence.

8.      Gratitude: Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who

have made efforts for my excellence. Gratitude is an emotion that occurs
after people receive help, depending on how they interpret the situation.
 9.      Love: Love is the emotion of strong affection
and personal attachment. In other words, love is a
feeling of warm personal attachment or deep
affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. This
feeling or value is also called the complete value since
this is the feeling of relatedness to all human beings.
 It starts with identifying that one is related to the
other human being (the feeling of affection) and it
slowly expands to the feeling of being related to all
human beings
17. Understanding the harmony in the society (society being an extension of family):

 Harmony in Society- All pervading harmony – from

family to the world family.
 Do we want harmony only among a limited section of
people based on caste, creed, religion, nationality etc. or
with all the people on the globe?
Comprehensive Human Goal

 Comprehensive human goals are right understanding,

prosperity, fearlessness and co-existence.  Programs
needed to achieve the comprehensive human goals
are:
 1.      Education – Right Living (Siksha – Sanskar)
 2.      Health – Self Regulation (Svasthya – Sanyam)
 3.      Justice – Preservation (Nyaya – Suraksha)
 4.      Production – Work (Utpadan – Kriya)
 5.      Exchange – Storage (Vinimaya – Kosh)
 Education – Right Living: Education refers to understanding harmony
at all four levels of living. While right living refers to commitment and
preparedness to live in harmony at all four levels of living.
 Health – Self Regulation: Sanyama refers to a feeling of responsibility
for nurturing, protecting and rightly utilizing the body. When the body is
fit to act according to the needs of the self (‘I’), and, there is harmony
among the parts of the body, it is referred to as health or svasthya.
 Justice – Preservation: Justice (nyaya) refers to harmony in the
relationship between human beings, while preservation (suraksha) refers
to harmony in the relationship between human being and the rest of
nature.
 Exchange – Storage: Exchange (vinimaya) refers to the
exchange of physical facilities between the members of
the society, while storage (kosa) refers to the storage of
physical facilities that is left after fulfilling the needs of
the family.
 We can now see how these five dimensions of humanistic
society are able to ensure the human goal:
 Education – Right living       leads to           Right
understanding
 * Having the process of education and right living leads to
right understanding in the individual.
 Health – Self-regulation        leads to           Prosperity
 * Having the program for health and sanyam leads to well-being
of the body, and identification of need for physical facilities
which along with production ensures feeling of prosperity in the
family.
 Justice – Preservation           leads to           Fearlessness and
Co-existence (respectively)
 * Ensuring justice in relationship, or mutual fulfillment in
relationship on the basis of values like Trust, Respect, etc leads to
fearlessness in society, while Suraksha of nature – via
enrichment, protection and right utilization leads to co-existence
in nature.
 Production – Work               leads to           Prosperity and Co-
existence
 * Production and work are for physical facilities, and this leads to a
feeling of prosperity in the family. Production is done in harmony
with nature, and hence, this also leads to co-existence with nature.
 Exchange – Storage              leads to           Prosperity and
Fearlessness
 * When we store and exchange for mutual fulfillment and not for
exploitation, then it leads to fearlessness (trust) in society.
  In order to facilitate the fulfillment of the basic
aspirations of all human beings in the society, the
following human goal needs to be understood in a
comprehensive manner:
 1.      When one does not have the right understanding, one
remains disturbed and also acts in a manner so as to create
disharmony with other human being as well as with rest of nature.
 2.      Prosperity in the family means that the family is able to
identify its needs and is able to produce/ achieve more than its
requirements.
 3.      Trust in society means every member of society feels related
to everyone else and therefore there is trust and fearlessness.
 4.      Co-existence in nature means there is a relationship and
complementarity among all the entities in nature including human
beings
 Abhaya means fearlessness; it is a permanent state where
there is no question of ever experiencing any fear. A
person with abhaya is continuously aware if his own
reality; for him to become subject to fear would be
impossible. We should not consider this quality of abhaya
as just the absence of fear.
 The fearlessness in the society begins from the individual.
 The state of absence of fear at society level will only be
achieved when we have right understanding at individual
level and prosperity at the level of family.
The Basis of Undivided Society (Akhanda Samaja) –  The World Family:

The feelings of being related to every human being leads to our

participation in an undivided society. By living in relationship in the
family, we get the occasion to gain the assurance that the other person
is an aid to me and not a hindrance. The family is a laboratory of sorts,
in which we live our understanding and relationship.
With the understanding of values in human relationship, we are able
to recognize the connectedness with every individual correctly and
fulfill it. On getting assured, it becomes easy to see that society is an
extension of family and that it is possible to live in harmony with
every human being- thus laying the foundation for an undivided
society- from family to world family.
 According to you, Which is the building block
for harmony in the society?
 Right understanding in the individuals is the basis for
harmony in the family, which is the building block for
harmony in the society.
 1.      The harmony in the society begins from the
individual. We need to ensure right understanding in the
individual as the foundation of harmony in the society.
 2.      With right understanding, the need for physical
facilities in the family can be ascertained. By assessing
our needs correctly and by producing more than
required the family can be prosperous.
 3.      Assurance of right understanding in the individuals and
prosperity in the families, understanding of human relationships
leads to harmony and trust (fearlessness) in the society. When
every individual is able to live harmoniously in relationship, and
the needs of all the families are ensured, fearlessness (mutual
trust) in society will naturally follow.
 4.      When human beings with right understanding interact with
nature, it will be in consonance with the coexistence and will be
mutually enriching.
 We may also understand it in the following sequence.
 1. Right understanding  ®  2. Prosperity  ®  3. Fearlessness
(trust)  ®  4. Co-existence
Thank
you