Communication Styles

Identifying and Understanding Communication Behaviors

 What is Communication Behavior?
• Behavioral Communication is defined as a psychological construct which influences individual
differences in the expression of feelings, needs, and thoughts as a substitute for more direct
and open communication.
• Specifically, it refers to people's tendency to express feelings, needs, and thoughts by means of
indirect messages and behavioral impacts.
• Learning to identify the different communication behaviors or styles - and recognizing which
one we use most often in our daily interactions with friends, family and colleagues - is
essential if we want to develop effective communication skills.
• Note that the terms ‘communication styles’ and ‘communication behaviors' are
interchangeable.
The Four Basic Styles of Communication
• Most academics agree on the following four types of communication
styles:

• Aggressive
• Passive
• Passive-Aggressive
• Assertive
 The Aggressive Style
• Fighting, accusing, and threatening characterize this style. Through aggression, people stand up for their
personal rights at the expense of others. The goal of aggression is domination, winning, and forcing
others to lose.
• This style is about winning – often at someone else's expense. An aggressive person behaves as if their
needs are the most important, as though they have more rights, and have more to contribute than other
people.
• Advantage: The advantage of this style is that others cannot and do not hassle you. You “win” and get
what you want.
• Disadvantage: The disadvantage is social isolation, frayed relationships, conflicts, and being disliked
by people. It is an ineffective style as the content of the message may get lost because people are too
busy reacting to the way it is delivered.
Behavioral Characteristics Non-Verbal Behavior

Frightening, threatening, loud, hostile Voice – volume is loud

Willing to achieve goals at the expense of others Posture – 'bigger than' others
Out to "win“ Gestures – big, fast, sharp/jerky
Demanding, abrasive Facial expression – scowl, frown, glare
Belligerent Spatial position - Invade others' personal space, try
Explosive, unpredictable to stand 'over' others
Intimidating
Bullying
Language How the People on the Receiving End Feel

"You are crazy!“ Defensive, aggressive (withdraw or fight back)

"Do it my way!“ Uncooperative
"You make me sick!“ Resentful/Vengeful
"That is just about enough out of you!“ Humiliated/degraded
Sarcasm, name-calling, threatening, blaming, Hurt
insulting. Afraid
A loss of respect for the aggressive person
 The Passive Style
• Acceptance, unconditional obedience with others’ demands, and being a doormat or a pushover, and
being “walked on” by others characterize this style. Through passivity the individual fails to express
honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Communication is done in an apologetic, timid manner that
leads to being disregarded by others.
• This style is about pleasing other people and avoiding conflict. A submissive person behaves as if
other peoples' needs are more important, and other people have more rights and more to contribute.
• Advantage: You rarely experience direct conflict with others since you are fulfilling their demands.
• Disadvantage: You are taken advantage of, devalued, and you experience anger and resentment
towards yourself and others. You fail to respect our own rights which leaves us open to exploitation
or being manipulated by others.
Behavioral Characteristics Non-Verbal Behavior

Apologetic Avoiding any confrontation Voice – Volume is soft

Finding difficulty in taking responsibility Posture – make themselves as small as possible,
Yielding to someone else's preferences head down
Opting out Gestures – twist and fidget
Feeling like a victim Facial expression – no eye contact
Blaming others for events Spatial position – make themselves smaller/lower
Refusing compliments than others
Inexpressive (of feelings and desires) Submissive behavior is marked by a martyr-like
attitude
Language How the People on the Receiving End Feel

"Oh, it's nothing, really." Exasperated, frustrated, guilty

"Oh, that's all right; I didn't want it anymore." You do not know what you want (and so discount
"You choose; anything is fine." yourself)
They can take advantage of you
Others resent the low energy surrounding the
submissive person and eventually give up trying to
help them because their efforts are subtly or overtly
rejected
 The Passive-Aggressive Style
• On the surface these individuals appear to be following the passive style. Hidden beneath the surface,
however, these people act in an aggressive way. For example, they believe that they have a right to their
own beliefs but fail to express this openly. Instead, they resort to masked communication (e.g. talking
behind backs, causing conflicts indirectly, “getting even” in an indirect manner).
• This is a style in which people appear passive on the surface, but are actually acting out their anger in
indirect or behind-the-scenes ways. The expression "Cut off your nose to spite your face" is a perfect
description of passive-aggressive behavior.
• Advantage: You are able to avoid direct conflict, and appear to be understanding or accommodating.
• Disadvantage: It is ultimately a stress producing style which expands conflict, instead of resolving it,
and also inculcates negativity. You usually feel powerless and resentful, and express your feelings by
subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments – even if this ends up sabotaging
themselves.
Behavioral Characteristics Non-Verbal Behavior

Indirectly aggressive Voice – Often speaks with a sugary sweet voice.

Sarcastic Posture – often asymmetrical – e.g. Standing with
Devious hand on waist, (when being sarcastic or patronizing)
Unreliable Gestures – Can be jerky, quick
Complaining Facial expression – Often looks sweet and innocent
Sulky Spatial position – often too close, even touching
Patronizing other as pretends to be warm and friendly
Gossips
Two-faced
Language How the People on the Receiving End Feel

Passive-aggressive language is when you say Confused

something like "Why don't you go ahead and do it; Angry
my ideas aren't very good anyway" but maybe with Hurt
a little sting of irony or even worse, sarcasm, such as Resentful
"You always know better in any case."
"Oh don't you worry about me, I can sort myself
out – like I usually have to."
 The Assertive Style
• This style is characterized by balance. Balance in the expression of feelings, self-pride, and self-regard, while at
the same time being considerate of others. Through direct communication, you demonstrate respect for your
rights and the rights of others.
• Assertive communication is born of high self-esteem. It is the healthiest and most effective style of
communication - the sweet spot between being too aggressive and too passive. When we are assertive, we have
the confidence to communicate without resorting to games or manipulation. We know our limits and do not
allow ourselves to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us.
Surprisingly, however, Assertive is the style most people use least.
• Advantage: You can compromise so that you can get what you need and want without adversely affecting
relationships.
• Disadvantage: People may not respond well at first to assertiveness especially coming from a previously
passive individual. You may be perceived as uptight, rigid or selfish.
Behavioral Characteristics Non-Verbal Behavior

Achieving goals without hurting others Voice – medium pitch and speed and volume
Protective of one’s own rights and respectful of Posture – open posture, symmetrical balance, tall,
others' rights relaxed, no fidgeting
Socially and emotionally expressive Gestures – even, rounded, expansive
Making your own choices and taking responsibility Facial expression – good eye contact
for them Spatial position – in control, respectful of others
Asking directly for one’s own needs to be met, while
accepting the possibility of rejection
Accepting compliments

Language How the People on the Receiving End Feel

"Please would you turn the volume down? I am They can take the person at their word
really struggling to concentrate on my studies." They know where they stand with the person
"I am so sorry, but I won't be able to help you with The person can cope with justified criticism and
your project this afternoon, as I have a dentist accept compliments
appointment." The person can look after themselves
Respect for the person
 Learning Outcomes
• A good understanding of the four basic styles of communication will help you learn how to react
most effectively when confronted with a difficult person.
• It will also help you recognize when you are not being assertive or not behaving in the most
effective way.
• Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use.
• Being assertive is usually the most effective, but other styles are, of course, necessary in certain
situations – such as being passive when under physical threat (a mugging, hijacking etc.).
• Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness. Once you understand your own
communication style, it is much easier to identify any shortcomings or areas which can be improved
on, if you want to start communicating in a more assertive manner.