Ch. 9 Interpersonal - STU

INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
DEFINING INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
 Communication that occurs between at least two
interdependent parties
 Most intense context of communication
Governed by rules
-norms
-roles
Most intense context of communication

RELATIONAL NORMS
 Norms
 Most relationships have specific norms
 Norms show what is important in relationship
 Norms become more specified in longer relationships and in
marriages
RELATIONAL ROLES
 Roles –set of behaviors that apply to a subclass
-such as son, boyfriend, instructor, brother
-give predictability to relationship
 Expected roles
 How you SHOULD play a role.
 Enacted roles
 How you ACTUALLY play a role.

ROLE CONFLICT
When roles conflict
 Inter-role :two roles entail contradictory expectations
 Intra-role :contradictory expectations from one role

SELF-DISCLOSURE
 Intentional
 Crucial to developing
intimacy
 Johari window
-conceptualization of the
levels of awareness and
self-discolusre.
-interdependent-a change in
one quadrant will affect the
others
SELF-DISCLOSURE
 Reciprocity
 The Dyadic Effect
 Social Penetration Theory
 Reasons for revelation

 Reasons for concealment - Risk
 Self-presentation goals
 Appropriateness (avoiding TMI)

ATTACHMENT
 Attachment styles are coherent patterns of emotion and
social behavior that occur in close relationships.
 Attachment is an innate need
 Internal working models(self&other)

CHILDREN’S ATTACHMENT STYLES
 Secure: around 70% of children (positive models of self and
others)
-Comfortable with intimacy and dependence
-characterize close relationships as loving, trusting and happy
 Avoidant: around 20% of children (negative models of others)
-Fear of intimay –Not accepting of romantic partners – Don’t

see relationships as long lasting
 Anxious-Ambivalent: around 10% of children (negative
models of self) – Years for extremely close relationships –
Fear of being abandoned and unloved – self doubt and
misunderstood – this need drives others away. - emotionally
volatile.
CAREGIVER COMMUNICATION
PATTERNS
 Secure:“goodness of fit” in terms of stimulation,

responsive to basic needs, consistently caring
 Avoidant: over- or understimulated

,sometimes neglected
 Anxious-Ambivalent: inconsistent response
patterns, parent is preoccupied or stressed
ADULT ATTACHMENT STYLES
Positive Model of Others
Secure Preoccupied
(I’m okay, (I’m not okay,
Positive you’re okay) you’re okay) Negative
Model Model of
Of Self Self
Dismissive Fearful
(I’m okay, (I’m not okay,
you’re not okay) you’re not okay)
Negative Model of Others

REVIEW QUESTIONS
 When one person discloses something about himself or
herself to another, he or she tends to elicit reciprocal
level of openness in the second person. This is called the
__Diatic effect___________.
 When your hidden self decreases: Answer(C)

A. Your Blind Self increases
B. Your Unknown Self increases
C. Your Open Self increases
D. There are no changes
MARRIAGE
 Marital Styles
 Not all marriages are equal in enactment
Swear it’s forever&exclusive

MARITAL STYLES
 Traditionals:traditional attitudes towards
marriage
-interdependent use of time and space
-moderate conflict-about “big”stuff
 Independents
-nontraditional attitudes about roles

-independent use time and space
-open and assertive conflict style
MARITAL STYLES CONT..
 Separates
-Traditional attitudes about marriage
-independent use of time and space
-low conflict but high negativity
DIALECTICAL PERSPECTIVE
 Sets of opposing or contradictory impulses that create
tension between two people.
 Assumptions: -Contradiction is inherent in social life
-These conflicts drive change and vitality

DIALECTICS CONT.
 Researchers study the effects of these dialectics on
relational satisfaction
 3 main types:
 Autonomy vs Connection
 Certainty vs Uncertainty
 Openness vs Closedness
AUTONOMY VS. CONNECTION
 Independence vs. Interdependence
-Want to be connected with others, yet want to be
autonomous.
 One of the most powerful dialectics.

 These needs are dynamic and frequently shifting.
 Also tend to vary among individuals

CERTAINTY VS UNCERTAINTY
 We like predictability, but we also crave
excitement.
-Knowing that you’ll “be there” for me but also
-Craving excitement(things can get” too
predictable” but too much chaos is also not
comfortable)
 Psychological trust—knowing how/what you
think or
 Behavioral trust—knowing how you’d act
OPENNESS VS CLOSEDNESS
 Openness is akin to sharing
 How much we share is a dialectic
LOVE STYLES
 Eros(Passionate and intimacy, love)
 Ludus(gameplay, low commitment)
 Storge(friendship lovestyle)
 Pragma(Practical lovestyle)
 Mania(Possesive lovestyle) like very jealous
 Agape (Selfless love) like parents

DOMINANCE
 Need for control over others
 Continuum between always wanting to control others vs.
extremely submissive in communication
 In dyads, one often has more dominance than the other, but
not always
 Those with a low self-concept tend to be submissive
DOMINANCE IN A RELATIONSHIP
 Wood (1983)
 Complementary structures – based on differences – one is
dominant, one is submissive
 Symmetrical structures – based on similarities – both are
dominant or submissive
 Parallel structures – based on complementary and
symmetrical structures – topic dependent
 Most flexible
POWER
 Capacity to influence the behavior of others and resist
others’ influence
 Power has to be GIVEN by one person to the other
 Can’t get power unless others allow you to have it
 EXAMPLE: “Do what I want, or I’m leaving”—

dominance or power?
 Men have greater power in society
-Force
-Control of resources
-Control of ideology
-Unequal social obligations
EQUALITY AND ASSERTIVENESS
 Assertiveness – standing up for personal rights and
expressing thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in direct,
honest and appropriate ways which do not violate
another person’s rights.
 Assertive is not aggressive – it acknowledges the rights
of others
 It’s contextual- based on rewards and punishments

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INTERPERSONAL

Most intense context of communication

 How you SHOULD play a role.

 How you ACTUALLY play a role.

 Inter-role :two roles entail contradictory expectations

 Intra-role :contradictory expectations from one role

 Reasons for revelation

 Appropriateness (avoiding TMI)

 Internal working models(self&other)

-Fear of intimay –Not accepting of romantic partners – Don’t

 Secure:“goodness of fit” in terms of stimulation,

 Avoidant: over- or understimulated

Negative Model of Others

 When your hidden self decreases: Answer(C)

Swear it’s forever&exclusive

-nontraditional attitudes about roles

-These conflicts drive change and vitality

 One of the most powerful dialectics.

 Also tend to vary among individuals

 Mania(Possesive lovestyle) like very jealous

 Agape (Selfless love) like parents

 Can’t get power unless others allow you to have it

 EXAMPLE: “Do what I want, or I’m leaving”—

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