Developing Management Skills

Building Relationships by
Communicating Supportively

Craig W. Fontaine, Ph.D.

Northeastern University
College of Business Administration

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 Learning Objectives

• Build supportive relationships even

when delivering negative feedback
• Avoid defensiveness and
disconfirmation in interpersonal
communication
• Improve ability to apply principles of
supportive communication
• Improve relationships by using
personal management interviews

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 Positive Relationships

• Result in better physical and

emotional well-being
• Help people perform better at
work and concentrate more on
the task at hand.

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Frequent Organizational
Problems
• Reliance of technology
• Dominance of e-mail
• Less face-to-face
communication

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Problems with Electronic
Communication
• Too much information, low
quality
• No content to information, lacks
meaning
• Interpretation of information
depends on relationships with
sender

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Communication Problems
“Most individuals don’t seem to
feel a strong need to improve
their own skill level”

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 Focus on Accuracy

The ability to transmit clear and

precise messages.

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 Inconsistent
Pronunciations
‘We polish Polish Furniture.’
‘He could lead if he would get the lead out.’
‘A farm can produce produce.’
‘The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.’
‘The present is a good time to present a
present.’
‘The dove dove into the bushes.’

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Relationships Between Unskillful
Communication and Interpersonal
Relationships

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Supportive Communication
Helps the sender communicate
accurately and honestly without
jeopardizing interpersonal
relationships.

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 Attributes of Supportive
Communication
• Congruent • Specific
• Descriptive • Conjunctive
• Problem- • Owned
Oriented • Supportive
• Validating Listening

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Coaching and Counseling

• Coaching: giving advice,

direction or information to
improve performance.
• Counseling: helping someone
understand and resolve a
problem him/herself by
displaying understanding

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Coaching and Counseling
Coaching:
focuses on
abilities

Counseling:
focuses on
attitudes

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 When to Coach

• Lack of ability
• Insufficient information
• Incompetence
• Subordinate must understand
the problem

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 When to Counsel

• Personality clashes
• Defensiveness
• Other factors tied to emotions
• “I can help you recognize that a
problem exists.”

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 Obstacles to
Communication
• DEFENSIVENESS
– One individual feels threatened or
attacked as a result of the
communication
– Self-protection becomes paramount
– Energy is spent on constructing a
defense rather than on listening
– Aggression, anger, competitiveness,
and/or avoidance as a result of the
communication

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 Obstacles to
Communication
• DISCONFIRMATION
– Individual feels incompetent,
unworthy, or insignificant as a result of
the communication
– Attempts to reestablish self-worth take
precedence
– Energy is spent trying to portray self-
importance rather than on listening
– Showing off, self-centered behavior,
withdrawal, and/or loss of motivation
are common reactions

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Supportive Communication

Based on congruence: a match

between what an individual is
thinking and feeling

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Supportive Communication

Is descriptive and reduces the

tendency to evaluate and cause
defensiveness.

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 Descriptive
Communication
1. Describes objectively the
event, behavior, or
circumstance
2. Focus on the behavior and
your reaction
3. Focus on solutions

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Supportive Communication

Is problem-oriented and does not

focus on personal traits which
cannot be changed.

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Supportive Communication

Validates and helps others feel

recognized, understood,
accepted, and valued.

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 Invalidating
Communication
Conveys
• Superiority
• Rigidity
• Indifference
• Imperviousness

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Validating Communication

• Egalitarian
• Flexible
• Two-way
• Based on agreement

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Supportive Communication

Is specific and identifies

something that can be
understood and acted upon.

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 Global Communication

Focuses on extremes and

absolutes which deny any
alternatives. “My way or the
highway!”

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Supportive Communication
Is conjunctive and joined to a
previous message.

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 Disjunctive
Communication
Occurs when there is,
1. Lack of opportunity for others
to speak
2. Extended pauses
3. Topic control

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Interaction Management

Creates conjunction by:

1. Taking turns speaking
2. Management of timing
3. Topic Control

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Continuum of Conjunctive
Statements
Insert figure 4.2

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Supportive Communication

Is owned and acknowledges the

source of the idea. Ownership
conveys responsibility.

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Disowned Communication

Results in the listener never being

sure of whose point of view the
message represents.

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Supportive Communication

Requires active listening and

responding effectively to
someone else’s statements.

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 Effective Listening

• In skills important for managers,

effective listening was ranked
highest.
• Individuals usually understand
about a fourth of what is
communicated.

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 Responding to Others

• Four Types of Responses

– Advising
– Deflecting
– Probing
– Reflecting

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 Advising

• Provides direction, evaluation,

personal opinion, or instruction
• Creates listener control over the
topic
• Can produce dependence

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 Deflecting

• Switches the focus from

communicator’s problem to on
selected by the listener
• Appropriate if reassurance is
needed
• Imply that the communicator’s
issues are not important

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 Probing

• Asks questions about what the

communicator said
• Used to gather information
• Can appear that the
communicator must justify what
is happening

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 Four Types of Probes

1. Elaboration
2. Clarification
3. Repetition
4. Reflection

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 Reflecting

• Mirror back to the communicator

the message that was heard
• Involves paraphrasing and
clarifying
• Could appear that the listener
isn’t listening

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 Personal Management
Interview
A regularly scheduled, one-on-
one meeting between
management and subordinates

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 Personal Management
Interview
Step 1: A role-negotiation session
which sets expectations’ of
employees and managers.
Step 2: A set of on-going one on
one meetings to development
and improvement.

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 Cultural and
Communication
• Language pattern and structures
are dramatically different across
cultures
• There are, however, universal
principles that apply to
interpersonal problems

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 Behavioral Guidelines
• Differentiate between coaching
situations and counseling situations
• Use problem-oriented statements
rather than person-oriented
statements
• Communicate congruently by
acknowledging your true feelings
without acting them out in destructive
ways

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 Behavioral Guidelines
• Use descriptive, not evaluative,
statements
• Use validating statements that
acknowledge the other person’s
importance and uniqueness
• Use specific rather than global
statements when correcting behavior
• Use conjunctive statements that flow
smoothly from what was said
previously

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 Behavioral Guidelines

• Own your statements, and

encourage the other person to do
likewise
• Demonstrate supportive listening
• Implement a personal management
interview program characterized by
supportive communication

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