Connection

Theory

April Joy Ranuda

Objectives:

 To figure out what kind of connection a parent and child could create.

 To better understand how the distance between a parent and a child could
contribute to their connection with each other.

 To identify the reason on why the children with no parent by their sides tend
to be somebody they’re not.
Overview
Parents play the most important role in a child’s development. They are
the ones who are responsible for supporting their children’s learning, the ones
who accompanies their children in going to school, and the ones who makes
them feel that they are loved.

Childhood years are the years that are most important in forming the
basis of the one’s future. During this time, the child develops his sense of self-
value and belonging from his parents. Thus, this is the most important time to
invest in a relationship with a child.

The central theme of this Connection Theory is that parents who are
available and responsive to their children’s needs to establish a great connection
and relationship with their children. The child would feel reassured and know
that he/she is loved. No separation, no anxiety.
 BACKGROUND
The time when April was born, she’s already living with her paternal
grandmother and aunt. Her mother is working abroad and her father, as she know
when she was young, was working with business-dealing. She considered her
father’s sister her mom for the fact that she’s the one who’ve provided her
everything, including an authentic mother’s love. Her aunt didn’t have a real family
and treated April as her real daughter. April would call her “mommy”. She never
had support and communication with her real mother.

Every morning, her father would visit her and they would eat together and
talk about school, homework and everything. That’s the only time they would have
a father and child bonding but she look up to him a lot and she really love him for
the reason that she feels the love of his father. His father fulfilled his duty as
father to her. He’s the one who goes to school to attend to April’s family days, to
go with her in her fieldtrips and to fetch her in everywhere she goes.
 April’s childhood was the toughest time of her life. When she was 9, she
experienced losing the most important person in her life. Her father. She also
unexpectedly discovered that the reason why her father was not living with her
is because he already had another family and all of her relatives knew except her.
Of course she suffered from double pain. One is from losing her father and
another is from knowing that she has someone to share her father’s love all
along. But she never place hatred towards her father. In fact, she became close
with her half-brother and step mother. But unfortunately, they moved to
another place and continue living even without his father.

The first time April met her mother was when she was 8. The second time
was when her father died. She asked April if she wanted to go and live abroad
with her but April said no because she doesn’t want to leave her aunt. April
always cry whenever she is asked if she wants to live with her real mother. After
their second meeting, her real mother didn’t call her ever again.
 Although she was cared for by her aunt and grandmother, they’ve never
let her think that there is something missing with her. They give her
everything she needs. They gave her the love that she was looking for. April
never felt hardship with them. She even got enough of what she asks for.

April studied elementary and high school in Sacred Heart College. She
is currently studying Bachelor of Science in Psychology in the same school.
She is working hard to give something in return to the hard works of her
aunt.
WHAT IS CONNECTION?

 The word connect comes from the latin word “connecto” which means to
join or bind.

 It is the linking, union, alliance, junction and relationship with another

person.
 CONNECTION THEORY

Connection happens between two people. They connect with each other
in terms of their relationship with each other. If two people are close with each
other, their connection is strong.

With April’s incident with her mother, her connection with her real
mother is weak because of the distance they’ve created while the connection of
April with her aunt is strong because she have been with her since she was born.
The love that she was seeking from her real mother was given to her by her
aunt. So the connection that she and her mother was suppose to have was
transferred to April and her aunt.

April made the Personality Dimensions of Connections which

measures the type of personality a child could become without his/her parent at
their side.
PERSONALITY DIMENSIONS OF CONNECTION

 REBEL

The rebel is usually a combative, curious, and stand-alone kind of kid.

Rebellion is a way for kids to feel that they are the ones in control. They are
often the children who cannot take any personal responsibility for their
behavior. It is always the other person's fault, but not theirs. Their parents are
usually the authoritative type. They try not to obey their parents because they
think that what they’re trying to do is right.

 BULLY

Bullies interact with other kids through intimidation, physical force, and
mental abuse. These children have learned to behave this way because it’s the
only way they could be heard. They have problem in dealing things with their
families. Bullies try to give off their problems at home by means of hurting
other people’s feelings.
 CLASS COMEDIAN

They make people laugh. But some children behave this way as a sort of
compensation for how they really are. Their needs for attention and to be
liked are so great that this seems like a perfect way to get them through.
Comedians often get through their problems by avoiding it and just thinking
of other positive ways.

 SPOILED-BRAT

They are the type of children who have the inability to handle loss and
delay. They are the demanding type of kids. They always have this what-you-
see-is-what-you-get principle in their lives. If they didn’t get what they want,
often times they would cry until their parents agrees. Because they know that
their parents can give them everything, they ask for something they know
their parents would give them.
 DUTY-FULFILLER

The Duty-Fulfillers are the ones who are living peacefully and are
sensitive to other people’s feelings. They have a strong sense of duty which
lends them some motivation to follow tasks. They usually made themselves as
duty-fulfillers because they have set their minds that they have debts to pay
for because of the hard work of their parents.
 John Bowlby (1969) described attachment as a “lasting psychological
connectedness between human beings”. Bowlby also has a view that early
experiences in childhood have an important influence on development and
behavior later in life. Our early attachment styles are established in childhood
through the infant/caregiver relationship.