Chapter

SEVEN

EMOTIONS AND
COMMUNICATION

© 2019 Cengage. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or

duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
 Emotional Intelligence

• The ability to recognize feelings, to judge which

feelings are appropriate in which situations, and to
communicate those feelings effectively.
• Research suggests that people with high emotional
intelligence are more likely to create satisfying
relationships, to be comfortable with themselves, to
work effectively with others, and to have better
overall health, than those with low emotional
intelligence.
 Emotional Intelligence

• Being aware of your feelings

• Dealing with emotions w/out being overcome by them
• Not letting disappointments derail you
• Channeling feelings to assist in achieving goals
• Understanding how others feel without them telling you
• Listening to your feelings and those of others so you
can learn from them
• Recognizing social norms for expression of emotions
• Having a strong yet realistic sense of optimism
 Emotions
• Our experience and interpretation of internal sensations as
they are shaped by physiology, perceptions (language, and
social experiences), and culture
 Physiological Influences of Emotions
• Organismic view of emotions: We experience emotion
when external stimuli cause physiological changes in us.
– Ex: getting a gift- tingle of anticipation- joy
– Ex: someone approaches w/weapon- adrenaline surge- fear
(the instinctual response to physiological arousal caused by
external stimuli)
Perceptual Influences on Emotions (1 of 2)
• Perceptual view of emotions (appraisal theory):
subjective perceptions shape what external
phenomena mean to us (external objects and events
gain meaning when we attribute significance to them)
• We act on the interpretation of the phenomena
– Ex: knot in stomach = anxiety or excitement?
– Our experiences influence what we feel and how we
respond
Perceptual Influences on Emotions (2 of 2)
• Cognitive labeling view of emotions: our labels for
our physiological responses influence how we
interpret those responses (via language)
• What we feel may be shaped by how we label our
physiological responses
– Ex: dog approaching & licking, increased heart rate,
threatening (friendly and exciting), scared (startled).
 Cultural Influences on Emotions

• Interactive view of emotions: social rules and

understandings shape what people feel and how they
do or don’t express their feelings.
• Rely on framing rules, feeling rules, and emotion work;
these are interrelated.
 Social Influences on Emotions
• Framing rules- defining emotional meaning of situations
(Ex: Irish wakes are festive celebrations not a somber
occasion)
• Feeling rules- what we have a right to feel or what we are
expected to feel in certain situations
– Deep acting- learning what we should or should not feel (Ex:
feel grateful when given a gift, even if disliked)
– Surface acting- controlling the outward expression of
emotions rather than controlling inner feelings (Ex: say thank
you when given a gift)
• Emotion work- the effort to generate what we think are
appropriate feelings in certain situations (to suppress or
eliminate feelings we think are wrong) Usually learned from
our social groups
4 Reasons We May Not Express Emotions
1. Cultural and Social expectations- particularly
gender; women should express emotion (except
anger), but men should not (unless it is anger)
• Men suppress or avoid feelings. Over time, they
become unable to recognize what they feel or may
become alienated from their feelings
• Women are socialized to care about others and often
engage in emotion work to make themselves feel
caring (deep acting) when they don’t feel that
naturally; they also suppress jealousy and
competitiveness in professional relationships
4 Reasons We May Not Express Emotions
2. Self-Protection- we don’t want to give others
information that could affect how they perceive or act
toward us
• Chilling effect- relationship with someone more powerful
than us so we suppress complaints and
dissatisfactions/anger because we fear punishment
(parents, supervisor, coach)
3. Protecting others- we don’t want to hurt or upset
others or cause them to lose face
• Choosing not to express emotions in some situations can
be constructive
• Avoiding expression of feelings can be harmful if directly
related to the relationship (intimacy wanes when couples
don’t communicate emotions, even unpleasant ones)
• Denying/repressing emotions over the long term can
harm you and your relationships
4. Social and Professional roles- may be inappropriate
 Ineffective Emotional Expression
• Speaking in Generalities- using general or abstract
emotional language (Ex: Happy/Sad)
– Our nonverbal expression of emotions may be limited
– A limited emotional vocabulary restricts our ability to
communicate clearly with others
• Not owning feelings- a way to disown personal
responsibility by how we state our emotions
– Use I language, not You language
– While others may say things that affect us, we
interpret the meaning and we are responsible for our
feelings
– Be clear and concise, and include what you want from
them; this accepts responsibility for a feeling,
communicates what is felt, and offers a solution
 Ineffective Emotional Expression
• Counterfeit emotional language- language that
seems to express emotions but does not actually
describe what a person is feeling
– Effective communicators provide clear descriptions of
their feelings and the connections between their
feelings and others’ behaviors
– Also unproductive not to explain feelings (“that’s just
how I feel”). We do this when we haven’t yet figured
out how we feel or what we want from the other
person
– Using feeling words when we are actually expressing
thoughts (“I feel this discussion is getting
sidetracked”). This is not a feeling
 Social Media and Emotions
• Similar to face-to-face communication, we may not
express our emotions effectively when interacting
digitally. Although the anonymity may embolden us
to express some emotions that we wouldn’t in F2F
• Social media may help us feel and express our
emotions (like-minded communities)
• Social media can become substitutes to involvement
in face-to-face relationships. It can be less
emotionally threatening to turn toward online
acquaintances
Guidelines for Communicating Emotions
Effectively
• Identify your emotions
(may be more than one)
• Choose how to express
emotions (and when)
• Own your feelings
• Monitor your self-talk
• Adopt a rational-emotive
approach to feelings (how
we think about feelings
affects our feelings)
• Respond sensitively when
others communicate
emotions
Rational-Emotive Approach to Feelings