Dining Etiquettes

and Social Behavior

Wg Cdr(Retd) TVD Deshapriya USP psc

 Customs - Customs is, the usual way of doing

things or acting
A strong corporate identity.
Group cohesion.
Link with the past.
Traditions of loyalty, courage and service

Etiquettes - Conventional rules of personal

behaviour in polite society - Within the
community we have particular rules of behaviour.
In particular we need to be familiar with:
Hosting VVIPs, VIPs, and civil dignitaries.
The correct form when a guest.
The rules of club.
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ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

Respect for senior officers,

ladies and elderly people.
Being polite.
Being selfless.
Being considerate.
Having respect for property.

UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

Drunkenness when linked

with anything below.
Profanity.
Selfishness.
Untidiness.
Boorishness.
Dishonesty.
Vandalism.
Discourtesy and failure to
display chivalry.
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TABLE MANNERS
PRIOR TO THE MEAL
Ladies will be seated first and should be helped to do

so.
If you have a senior or elderly neighbor allow him
freedom to sit down before you seated and also assist
him if necessary.
A host will normally seat himself last.
Table napkins (the world is napkin not serviette)
should be unfolded and laid on your lap in time for the
first course
Before the arrival of the food, do not rearrange the
cutlery or touch the table silver.
Sit up straight but be relaxed.
Ensure that your elbows do not prod your neighbor
and do not allow them to stray on to the table.
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DURING THE MEAL

Hors doeuvre. Hors doeuvre is a dish usually served at the beginning of a meal. If you are offered a
selection, do not aim to sample them all. They are eaten with either a fish knife and fork or a teaspoon,
depending on the delicacy.
For melon, a dessert spoon and knife, or fruit fork and used.
Soup: Soup is eaten from a round-backed spoon. You should drink from the side of the spoon, and the spoon
is moved away from you to pick up the soup and the soup plate is similarly tilted. This may seem rather
strange, for other dishes are never eaten in this way, but it makes good sense because in the event of and
incident you are less likely to cascade soup into your lap.
Fish.
Fish, of course, is eaten with a fish knife and fork. A fish bone in the mouth should be removed
unobtrusively with the fingers (behind a napkin) but bone or gristle from meat should be removed from the
mouth and deposited on the plate with a fork.

DURING THE MEAL

Entre. An entre is a dish served between
the fish and the main course, and is eaten
with a knife and fork.
Pudding.The pudding is normally eaten
with a spoon and fork. The fork may be
used by itself, but not the spoon, unless a
special spoon is provided for such items as
ice-cream or grapefruit.
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DURING THE MEAL

Fruit.The fruit course is eaten with a dessert knife and fork. Fruit is normally cut up before eating.
The stones of stewed plums or prunes should be removed with the fork and spoon before eating.
Bread and Toast Dry Bread.
Bread rolls and toast are more properly eaten with the left hand.
They are broken and not cut, and should be buttered only as they are ready to be eaten.
Cutlery.
Cutlery is laid out in accordance with the menu and is used from the outside towards
the centre.
Salt, Pepper and Mustard.
Salt is normally put on the side of the plate, not scattered. It is
normal to scatter pepper over food as required. When you require condiments it is usual to ask
specifically for salt, pepper or mustard. A salt or mustard spoon is not tapped on the plate to
dislodge its contents.

TABLE MANNERS
Eat quietly, in small amounts, and with your mouth closed.
Do not be tempted to reply to a question or converse if you are still
consuming a mouthful.
Take your time but watch other guests at table and ensure that the
proceedings are not slowed down.
Hands should rest in the lap when one is not eating, and a charged
fork should not be prepared between mouthfuls.
Never leave a lady eating by herself.

TABLE MANNERS
Just as a host at dinner always leaves something
on his plate until all his guests have eaten, so too
must you be aware of the pace of eating of the
ladies in your vicinity.
If any item you require during the meal is not
within comfortable reach (or rather, without
stretching). Ask for it to be passed to you, but
avoid breaking into someone elses conversation.
You should not lean across in front of another
diner to talk with a person beyond him. With his
cooperation, however, it is quite usual to talk to a
person once removed, providing you do not
overdo it.

TABLE MANNERS
If anything is spilled during the meal, ask a
steward to clear it up. Similarly, if you drop an
item of cutlery, a disappearing act under the tale
is bad manners. Ask a steward to bring you
another.
At the end of the meal the stewards will clear the
tables before the port. All glasses, except those
used for the toast, will be removed, whether
finished or not.
You should place your napkin on the table and
the steward will remove it, unless a dessert is to
be served, in which case you should retain it. The
menu is your guide.

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TABLE MANNERS
The fork is held in your left hand and the knife is
held in your right when used at the same time.
You should hold your knife with the handle in
your palm and your fork in the other hand with
the tines (prongs) pointing downwards.
Food should be cut "one piece at a time" directly
prior to eating, and then consumed. You may not
"carve up" multiple pieces and then proceed to
eat them.
If youre eating a dessert, your fork (if you have
one) should be held in the left hand and the spoon
in the right.
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TABLE MANNERS
When eating soup, you should hold your spoon in your
right hand and tip the bowl away from you, scooping the
soup in movements away from yourself. The soup spoon
should never be put into the mouth, and soup should be
sipped from the side of the spoon, not the end
It is not acceptable to use your fingers to push food onto
your fork, nor to handle most food items. Some foods
such as fruit, bread, sandwiches or burgers may be eaten
using fingers, and fingers are mandatory for eating some
items, such as asparagus spears, which are traditionally
served with sauce on the side for dipping.
If there are a number of knives or forks, start from the
outside set working your way in as each course is served.
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TABLE MANNERS
Drinks should always be to the right of the plate
with the bread plate to the left.
When eating bread rolls, break off a piece before
buttering. Use your knife only to butter the bread,
not to cut it.
Do not start eating before the host does or
instructs guests to do so. At meals with a very
large number of people, it is acceptable to start
eating once others have been served.
When finished, place the knife and fork together
at six oclock with your fork on the left (tines
facing up) and knife on the right, with the knife
blade facing in. This signals that one has finished.

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TABLE MANNERS
The napkin should never be crumpled. Nor should it be
folded neatly as that would suggest that your host might
plan to use it again without washing itjust leave it
neatly but loosely on the table.
Never blow your nose on your napkin. Place it on your
lap and use it to dab your mouth if you make a mess.
It is considered rude to answer the telephone at the table.
If you need to take an urgent call, excuse yourself and go
outside.
Always ask for permission from the host and excuse
yourself if you need to leave the table. You should place
your napkin on your seat until you return. It is considered
common courtesy for all gentlemen at the table to stand
when a lady arrives or leaves the table.
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TABLE MANNERS
If you must leave the table or are resting, your
fork should be at eight oclock tines (prongs)
pointing downwards and your knife at four
oclock (with the blade inwards). Once an item of
cutlery has been used, it should not touch the
table again.
Food should be brought to your mouth on the
back of the fork.
Dishes should be served from the left, and taken
away from the right. Unless the food is placed on
your plate at the table, then it should arrive from
the left.
Drinks should be served from the right.
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TABLE MANNERS
Never lean across somebody elses plate. If
you need something to be passed, ask the
person closest to it. If you have to pass
something, only pass it if you are closest to
it and pass it directly to them if you can.
Salt and pepper shakers should be passed
together.
Do not take food from a neighbours plate
and dont ask to do so.
You must not put your elbows on the table.
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TABLE MANNERS
If pouring a drink for yourself, offer to
pour a drink for your neighbours before
serving yourself.
If extra food is on the table, ask others if
they would like it before taking it yourself.
When chewing food, close your mouth and
only talk after you have swallowed it.
Swallow all food before eating more or
drinking.
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TABLE MANNERS
Do not slurp your food or eat loudly.
Never pick food out of your teeth with
your fingernails.
Try to eat all the food you are served.
Wine glasses should be held by the stem in
the case of white wines, and by cupping
the bowl in the case of red wines
If port is served after the meal, then the
decanter should be passed to the person on
your left and never passed to the right.
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TABLE MANNERS
Never transfer food to your mouth with your knife.
Never spit food out.
Do not scrape your plate with your cutlery.

FORMAL DINING
Notification of a Formal Dining to a Guest Formal
invitation to be made at least 7 days before the event and
will give details of the function as follows.
Date and time of assembly.
The time of assembly, normally, is 1930 hours for dinner at 2000

hours.

Dress.
The dress for a formal dining.
Names of Chief Guest
Guests invited

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FORMAL DINING
Assembly.
All members assemble in the
ante-room 30 minutes before dinner, taking care
not to arrive before the stipulated time. This is a
simple rule which is frequently broken.
On entering the room, seek the Host and say
Good Evening BEFORE helping yourself to a
drink. If is also courtesy to say good evening to
other senior members if you meet them
Stand in a smart but relaxed manner, avoid
snapping ostentatiously to attention, heel-clicking
or bowing.
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FORMAL DINING
During this time before dinner, sherry is
taken or perhaps spirits, and it is customary
for members to stand.
Smoking of cigarettes is unlikely to be
permitted: pipes are definitely not
tolerated.
Members should consult the seating-plan,
which will be on display in the ante-room.
Do not forget to attend to the needs of
nature before entering the dining-room.
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FORMAL DINING
Entry into Dinner. A senior steward will inform the Host
that dinner is ready.
An announcement may be made. If the dinner is ready,
the host along with chief guest lead the way followed by
others.
At a ladies guest night, seek out the lady who is on your
right at dinner, introduce yourself, and escort her into the
dining-room.
Dining- room Layout.
The dining tables are normally
laid out either in the shape of a U or an E.
Host sits at the center of the top table.

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FORMAL DINING
The Meal.Good manners and behaviour are
expected throughout the meal. There are
additional customary procedures which must be
observed during the meal.
Courses. The meal will normally consist of at
least 4 course.
Diners should not start eating any course until the

Chief Guest has started eating.

The stewards will wait until every person has signified
that he has finished a particular course before clearing
away and returning with the next one.
Obviously, it is not in good taste to devour food
quickly but, conversely, the proceedings should not be
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lengthened by eating too slowly.

FORMAL DINING
Mess Silver. The Silver may be displayed
on the dining tables. Do not touch it. To do
so normally incurs an expensive round of
drinks.
Wine. Normally, red and white wine are
served with the meal, the wines having
been selected by the Host beforehand.
In this case, a collective charge for wine is
made but, just because you pay for it, this
does not mean you should try drink as
much as you can.
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FORMAL DINING
The Port. Towards the end of dinner, the Host
will pass, in a clockwise direction, the port and
Madeira decanters, the stoppers having been
removed.
The decanters should not be allowed to scratch
the table but there is no convention which
precludes their being put down.
Each person helps himself, according to his
choice, and then passes the decanters to his left;
the Host help themselves last and replace the
stoppers in the decanters.
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FORMAL DINING
Water.
Anyone who do not wish to take port or Madeira should leave their glasses unfilled and pass the decanters on to
their left. Their glasses will be filled with water by one of the stewards.
The Loyal Toast.
When glasses are charged with port, Madeira or water and the stoppers have been replaced in the
decanters, all Mess staff leave the dining-room.
Coffee, Liqueurs and Smoking. After the toast has been drunk, coffee and liqueurs are served.
After Dining Speeches.When the bandmaster and head chef have left, or at a reasonable interval after coffee and liqueurs have
been served, Host will introduce the after dinner speakers.
They alone will stand and those being toasted remain seated.
Emergencies. If for any reason (eg, an emergency call or feeling suddenly unwell) you are obliged to leave the dining-room
before dinners is over, you must walk round to the host and ask his permission to leave.

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FORMAT OF A DINING IN NIGHT

Leaving the Dining-room.

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