Chapter 1: Coping with Stress In Middle and Late Adolescence

What is Stress?

Stress is defined as a reaction of the mind and body to a stimulus that disturbs the well-being, state of
calm, or equilibrium of a person.

There is a common belief that stress is unhealthy, but discussions among experts conclude that this is
not entirely the case. Psychologists have agreed that small and sporadic amounts of stress can be
helpful and beneficial to individuals, while excessive amounts of stress sustained over a lengthy period
can be destructive to both physical and mental health.

Points of View About Stress

1. Stress as Stimulus - Aside from being a reaction (or response), stress is also a stimulus, as
well as a relational condition between persons and the situations they are in (Feist &
Rosenberg, 2012). As a stimulus, stress is caused by situations that may be life-threatening
or life-changing, such as separation, moving into a new home, or having a new job. These
situations or events are often called stressors.

2. Stress as Response - Stress as a response is the way the body reacts to challenging
situations. This involves the interactions between the hormones, glands, and nervous
system, where the adrenal gland drives the production of cortisol, better known as the
"stress hormone." The production of cortisol enables a person's body to produce the energy
it needs to gear it toward action. Another response of the body similar to the production of
cortisol is the release of norepinephrine, which triggers the body's reaction, such as an
increased heart rate, higher blood pressure, and respiration, to prepare the body for action.
The adolescent's physical response to stress is faster than that of an adult simply because
the part of the adolescent's brain, the prefrontal cortex, that assesses danger and directs
action during stress is not yet fully developed.

3. Stress as Relational - Stress as relational is when a person experiencing stress takes a step
back to look at the situation that is causing the stress, and assesses it. Assessment here
means that when the person allows reasoning to prevail and weigh the relevance or
irrelevance of the situation. If the relevance is positive, the person will look at the situation in a
more positive light. If the relevance is negative, this will produce negative emotions that
may lead to stress.

Healthy Stress

There are certain types of stress that can benefit a person. Stress that is short and sporadic can
propel a person to a necessary action. These types of stress can motivate, energize, and spur an
individual into fruitful action.

Bad stress can be transformed into good stress depending on how an individual assesses the
situation. Students, who are in constant stressful situations, particularly related to schoolwork and
relationships, should learn some coping mechanisms to assist them in their development toward a
healthy adult life.

Knowing Your Stressors

The Mayo Clinic in the United States identified two types of stress, short-term and long-term, and
two sources of stressors, internal and external (Stress Management, 2016).
● External stressors come from outside of you, like situations, people, and experiences.
● Internal stressors come from within you, like fearful thoughts, uncertainties about the future,
lack of control over situations, and personal beliefs, including expectations.

Some Examples of Stressors a Senior High School (SHS) Student Faces:

● School Demands and Expectations
● Selecting a School, College Course, or Career
● Separation Anxiety
● College Life
● Romantic Relationships or the Lack of It
● Family Demands and Expectations
● Health Concerns
● Demands of Social Life
● Bullying

Coping with Stress

Coping is a very important mechanism in dealing with stress. It helps avoid the damages that may
be brought about by severe or chronic stress to your health and well-being.
Coping can be:
● Problem-focused, when remedies or solutions are thought of to change the situation and
lessen the stress.
● Emotion-focused, when the objective is to lessen the emotional impact caused by the
stressful situation (Feist & Rosenberg, 2012).
● A combination of both problem-focused and emotion-focused remedies.

Possible Coping Mechanisms

1. Conduct Creative Imagery of the Problem
○ Look at the stressor as a relational situation where you can assess and change the way
you view the situation.
○ Example: If you worry about passing a test or exam, instead of worrying, study well and
imagine yourself answering all the questions correctly.
2. Seek Group or Social Support
○ Talk to people you trust and surround yourself with friends who offer sincere
understanding and empathy.
○ Share your thoughts and feelings with a trusted adult.
3. Get Into Relaxation Activities
○ Engage in breathing exercises, regular physical exercise, meditation, yoga, self-
hypnosis, reading a good book, or listening to relaxing music.
4. Create a Relaxing Situation
○ Find a quiet environment and comfortable position.
○ Develop a passive attitude toward the stressor, believing you are more powerful and can
calmly overcome it.
5. Learn to Manage Your Time
○ Analyze how much time you spend on studying, social media, texting, calling, and
watching TV.
○ Example: If you study for one hour but spend two hours watching TV and four hours on
social media, then there is an imbalance.
○ Set your priorities—as a student, your priority is your studies.
6. Eat Properly
○ Select nutritious, healthy food.
○ Eat regularly and avoid skipping meals.
○

CHAPTER 7 — THE POWER OF THE MIND: THE WHOLE BRAIN THEORY

What is the Whole Brain Theory?

In 1861, Paul Broca conducted a study on the language and left-right brain specialization on a patient
who had problems with language. After several tests, Broca theorized that some language functions
reside on the left side of the brain (Morris, 2006).

Example: a right-handed person will have a weaker left hand compared to the dominant right hand and
vice versa.

Ned Hermann — he is the "Father of Brain Dominance Technology” and the founder of Hermann
International.

Herrmann extended this dominance theory to the brain, which he concluded to having not just two parts
but four, the upper left and right hemispheres, and the lower left and right limbic halves. They are all
connected to one another (Herrmann, n.d.).

HERMANN’S FOUR DOMINANT QUADRANTS

1. Upper Left (A) Cerebral Mode — ANALYTICAL

2. Lower Left (B) Limbic Mode — ORGANIZED
3. Lower Right (C) Limbic Mode — INTERPERSONAL
4. Upper Right (D) Cerebral Mode — INTEGRATING

Other studies on Brain-related Diseases and Malfunctions:

* Split-Brain Theory (The Split Brain Experiment) by Dr. Roger Sperry

* Triune Brain Theory by Dr. Paul MacLean

SPLIT BRAIN THEORY (THE SPLIT BRAIN EXPERIMENT) BY DR. ROGER SPERRY

1981 NOBEL PRIZE FOR PHYSIOLOGY AND MEDICINE — study for epilepsy.
- He explained that the brain has two hemispheres that perform tasks differently from each other.
* Right hemisphere — performing tasks that were intuitive, creative, and synthesizing
* Left hemisphere — more adept with analytical, logical, reasoning, and critical thinking.

The Triune Brain Theory — a theory that identified three distinct parts of the brain, namely: neocortex,
limbic system, and reptilian complex.

- Dr. Paul MacLean, a neuroscientist, created this theory.

- NEOCORTEX OR RATIONAL BRAIN — responsible for intellectual tasks such as language, planning,
abstraction, and perception.
- LIMBIC SYSTEM OR INTERMEDIATE BRAIN — responsible for the motivation and emotion involved
in feeding, reproductive behavior, and parental behavior.
- PRIMITIVE BRAIN OR REPTILIAN COMPLEX — controls the self-preservation and aggressive
behavior of humans similar to the survival instincts of animals.

The study of the brain and its multiple functions continued on until an engineer at General Electric, Ned
Hermann, was tasked to determine why some individuals were more creative than others.

After drawing from the studies of Sperry, Herrmann came up with his own theory called the "Brain
Dominance Theory" — he derived from observations and tests that the human body, although
symmetrical and paired in almost all aspects, do not necessarily function equally

Now we will further discuss the different quadrants of the brain

Quadrant A: Located in the Upper Left
Quadrant: Analytical Thinking
Keywords: Logical, fact-based, critical, rational, mathematical, abstract
Preferred Activities: Collecting data, listening to informational lectures, reading textbooks, using data-
based learning tools
Responds Well To: Technical or financial information, theoretical frameworks, charts and graphs,
formal approach, heavy content
Vulnerabilities: Too focused, may miss strategic opportunities, avoids ambiguity, struggles with
interpersonal relations
Typical Occupations: CEO of technical companies, banker, broker, mathematician, doctor, finance
manager

Quadrant B: Located in the Lower Left

Quadrant: Sequential Thinking
Keywords: Conservative, structured, disciplined, procedural
Preferred Activities: Following direct instructions, organizing tasks, memorizing, sequencing
information, precise note-taking, structured learning
Responds Well To: Agendas, procedures, plans, organized presentations, clear instructions
Vulnerabilities: Rigidness in methods, struggles with ambiguity, resistant to change, dislikes open-
ended tasks
Typical Occupations: Technical supervisors, accountants, engineers, military officers, lawyers
Quadrant C: Located in the Lower Right
Quadrant: Interpersonal Thinking
Keywords: Emotional, intuitive, kinesthetic, empathetic
Preferred Activities: Listening and sharing stories, role-playing, making personal connections, working
in a group, WWWH (who, what, where, how) situation
Responds Well To: Personal experiences, creative and free discussions, emotional connections
Vulnerabilities: Dislike for routine and structured approaches, may get too involved emotionally, prefers
collaboration over individual tasks
Typical Occupations: Marketing and sales, teacher, social worker, nurse, psychologist, human
resources

Quadrant D: Located in the Upper Right

Quadrant: Imaginative Thinking
Keywords: Visual, holistic, conceptual, visionary
Preferred Activities: Looking at the big picture, visualizing ideas, “what if” questions, appreciating
beauty of a problem, brainstorming
Responds Well To: Fun activities, humor, future-oriented themes, inspiring and challenging situations,
visuals
Vulnerabilities: Dislikes rigid structures, may tend to procrastinate, works best with flexibility, dislikes
too many details, may not like what they are doing
Typical Occupations: Artist, entrepreneur, planner, architect, creative writer, film director

Whole Brain Theory In Learning

Each of the quadrants has a set of preferences and these can affect the way they learn.

QUADRANT A LEARNERS

Quadrant A learners are into logical thinking, they enjoy information and understand better when
presented with numbers and quantities, and they are also good at theorizing based on facts and
information that support their theories. (Explanation na lang ito: They expect exact information that is
straight to the point, and they would also want to see the results of their theories, numbers, data, logical
explanations, and results of research studies.) However, they will find it difficult to express their inner
thoughts and emotions, and may struggle with unclear or undefined concepts or ideas.

QUADRANT B LEARNERS

Quadrant B learners easily grasp things in sequence, enjoy organizing ideas and things, assess
situations and information. Quadrant B learners will always demand for clear instructions or directions,
and would rather apply what they have learned in practical situations rather than just theories. (The B
learners need to be able to see the sequence of things, which are consistent and in proper order.) They
may find it difficult to understand concepts without any examples to show how these are applied. Their
big challenges are in taking risks and doing things that are not clearly defined to them.

QUADRANT C LEARNERS

Quadrant C learners are very sociable learners who enjoy learning with a group. They are very focused
and involved when trying to learn something. They also tend to reflect on what they have understood
and acquired in terms of knowledge, and most of the time use their bodies and movement while
learning. (They get bored with data and intellectual discussions without activities and participation.) The
C learner is also emotional and would share their emotions with a group. Personal feedback is
therefore important to them

QUADRANT D LEARNERS

Quadrant D learners are the curious ones who enjoy discovering, experimenting, and exploring
activities. They are strong thinkers when it comes to conceptualizing and putting all the seemingly
unrelated parts and connecting these parts together, synthesizing, and in creating new ideas and
concepts. (The D learner enjoys games and surprises, is a visual learner, and needs different varieties
of approaches to learning.) Being spontaneous in character, the D learner will have difficulty meeting
deadlines and rigid environments.

A and B learners are often characterized as practical, reality-based, and down-to-earth persons while C
and D learners are often characterized as fun, flexible, and open-minded persons.

Learners should always remember that they do not necessarily belong to just one or two quadrants, but
can find their qualities present in all the quadrants.

Knowing the different styles of learning, the adolescent senior high school students can easily adapt
their own learning styles with that of their classmates and even those of their teachers. In accepting the
diverse types of learning, the adolescent learner can become a better collaborator at work, a very
important skill that is currently in demand in the workplace. In their personal lives, the adolescent senior
high school student will also have improved interpersonal relationships once they understand and
accept the differences in people’s learning and thinking styles.

Mind Mapping

Mind mapping is the process of organizing information and concepts through the use of maps or
diagrams. Educators, planners, engineers, and other professionals had been using these pictorial
methods throughout the centuries that followed.

British psychology author and consultant, Tony Buzan, who also developed the technique in creating
such maps, popularized the use of the phrase “mind map”

Mind maps - are useful visual tools that help in linking together concepts and information in such a way
that the interconnection and interrelation of these are clearly laid out and easily accessible to help in
problem solving and for reference and review (Mind Maps, n.d.).

Mind maps are useful during brainstorming sessions, making decisions, organizing information,
simplifying complex ideas, note-taking, and even for personal use.

CHAPTER 8: Mental Health and Well-being

Mental health, as defined by the US National Institutes of Health, refers to emotional, psychological,
and social well-being, shaping how we think, feel, and act. It influences stress management,
relationships, and decision-making throughout life. The 1999 US Surgeon General's Report further
describes mental health as the ability to function successfully, engage in productive activities, maintain
fulfilling relationships, and adapt to challenges. Essentially, mental health is crucial for overall well-
being, affecting both personal and social aspects of life.

The World Health Organization's (WHO) World Health Report released in 2001 (World Health
Organization, n.d.) stated that "mental health is defined differently by different experts from different
cultures. Concepts of mental health include the following:

1. subjective well-being;
2. perceived self-efficacy;
3. autonomy;
4. competence;
5. intergenerational dependence; and
6. self-actualization of one's intellectual and emotional potential, among others."

For purposes of exploration, we will use the WHO concept of mental health and the six areas that
constitute it:

1. Subjective Well-being
This refers to an individual's perception of their overall state of being, influenced by self-concept
and emotions. A positive self-image fosters confidence, sociability, and healthy relationships,
while a negative self-view can lead to anxiety, isolation, and potentially mental disorders if
unaddressed.

2. Perceived Self-efficacy
Self-efficacy is the belief in one's abilities and self-worth, closely linked to self-esteem. Low self-
esteem can lead to destructive behaviors such as addiction, isolation, and emotional instability,
while a strong self-concept promotes self-fulfillment, resilience, and positive relationships.

3. Autonomy
Autonomy is the ability to establish a separate identity from significant others, promoting self-
direction and role clarity. Those lacking autonomy may develop unhealthy dependence on
others, leading to relational conflicts and emotional struggles.

4. Competence
Competence is the ability to perform tasks effectively with responsibility, adaptability, and
resilience. It fosters trust and success, as competent individuals take ownership of their actions
and adjust to changes in their environment.

5. Intergenerational Dependence
This refers to mutual support between generations, often within families, encompassing
financial, emotional, and caregiving roles. Healthy intergenerational relationships nurture
personal and social growth, even when family members live apart, with technology helping
maintain connections.

6. Self-actualization of One’s Intellectual and Emotional Potential

Self-actualization is reaching one's full potential, as described by Maslow, by fulfilling needs
such as security, love, and self-esteem. Self-actualized individuals embrace reality, contribute to
society, appreciate life, and continue growing while nurturing strong mental well-being.
Attached pic:
The model includes what is referred to as the five life tasks:

1. essence or spirituality-know and celebrate the core of your person

2. work and leisure-find meaning in what you do and enjoy it
3. friendship-we grow and develop based on our relationships
4. love-glow in the warmth of loving yourself and others
5. self-direction-be guided by your values and principles

Related to these five tasks are 12 subtasks as major components of wellness or well-being that
comprise the Wheel of Wellness, which was first introduced by Witmer and Sweeney in 1991 (Myers,
2001) and later modified by Myers, Sweeney, and Witmer (2000):

1. sense of worth
2. sense of control
3. realistic beliefs.
4. emotional awareness and coping
5. problem solving and creativity
6. sense of humor
7. nutrition
8. physical exercise
9. self-care
10. stress management
11. gender identity
12. cultural identity (Note: This may or may not apply to every Filipino, but we do have cultural and
regional differences that need to be understood and accepted.)

Balancing the five tasks in terms of time and energy is essential, along with practicing the 12 subtasks
to achieve mental health and well-being. Additionally, resilience and adaptability are crucial skills,
especially for adolescents. Resilience enables individuals to maintain stability and recover from
adversity, while adaptability allows them to adjust to changes for survival and balance. Developing
these skills supports overall mental well-being and emotional strength.

Healthy Self-concept at the Core of Mental Health and Well-being

A healthy self-concept is the foundation of self-identity and self-esteem, shaping how individuals
perceive themselves beyond physical imperfections and external judgments. True self-worth comes
from recognizing one’s inherent value, not from comparison or validation from others. Accepting one's
uniqueness and individuality fosters confidence, resilience, and a deeper sense of purpose in life.

Beyond self-acceptance, a strong self-concept is also tied to spirituality and universal values that guide
behavior and decision-making. A meaningful connection with a Supreme Being or a personal
philosophy provides direction, while core values shape attitudes toward others and life's challenges.
Ultimately, a person with a high sense of self-worth exudes confidence and integrity, manifesting virtues
that positively influence their interactions and overall well-being.

Good Physical Health Is Good for Mental Health

The World Health Organization emphasizes that poor mental health weakens the immune system,
increases the risk of illness, and can ultimately lead to premature death. This highlights the deep
connection between mental and physical well-being, reinforcing the importance of maintaining a healthy
mind to support overall health.

Physical health is also essential for good mental well-being, with factors like sleep and nutrition playing
a crucial role. Adolescents, in particular, often neglect these aspects, leading to negative
consequences. Sleep deprivation, for example, can cause irritability, emotional sensitivity, poor
memory, and even physical effects such as skin problems, dark circles, and fatigue. Additionally, the
resulting behavioral changes can impact social interactions, affecting both the individual and those
around them.

Healthy Self-Concept + Healthy Mind and Body = Good Mental Health and Well-being
A healthy self-concept, mind, and body are essential for maintaining good mental health and overall
well-being, bringing contentment, happiness, and inner peace. When emotional, psychological, and
physical aspects are in harmony, individuals can better navigate life’s challenges. For adolescents,
developing resilience, self-esteem, and coping skills early on lays a strong foundation for a fulfilling and
healthy adulthood.

Challenges to Mental Health and Well-being Among Adolescents

Mental health problems are short term and temporary changes in a person's thoughts, feelings, or
behavior that upset one's well-being, interpersonal relationships, and productivity. Mental illness, on the
other hand, refers to diagnosable mental disorders that may require medical attention. It is
characterized by changes in one's thinking, feeling, and behavior, as well as in one's relationships and
productivity. There is usually distress or impaired functioning during mental illness (Knopf, Park, &
Muyle, 2008).

Many adolescents are more susceptible to mental health concerns than adults. This is primarily due to
their underdeveloped brains and continuing changes in their bodies. In addition to this, the adolescent
is also going through tough times in resolving their identity crisis and role confusion.

Roughly 20% of a country's total population falls under the 10 to 19 years of age category or the
adolescence category. A World Health Organization publication entitled "Health for the World's
Adolescents: A Second Chance in the Second Decade, released in 2014 estimated there were about
one billion adolescents living around the world at that time. This is the reason why the World Health
Organization has mandated every member-nation to provide special health services to the adolescent
segment of their population.

WHO enumerated possible mental health challenges faced by adolescents ide. These include "conduct
disorders, anxiety, depression and eating disorders, as as rink behaviors including those that relate to
sexual behavior, substance abuse, and dent behavior" (WHO, n.d.).

Support for Mental Health and Well-being

Adolescents can maintain good mental health by developing social skills, problem-solving abilities, and
self-confidence. Having a reliable adult to talk to is crucial, especially when facing difficulties at home or
school. Support can come from family, school guidance counselors, peer groups, or professional
organizations offering hotline services, ensuring that adolescents have access to the help they need.

Finally, there are five popular steps propositioned around the world to improve mental health and well-
being. Borrowing from the National Health Service of the United Kingdom, the five steps are:

(only put sa ppt yung first sentence)

1. Connect with the people around you: your family, friends, classmates, schoolmates, and
neighbors. Spend time developing these relationships.

2. Be Active - physical activity generates a positive sense of wellness. Engage in some sports or
physical activity like playing basketball, badminton, bowling, biking, or swimming. Take a walk, jog, or
run if you do not have enough time for some sports. It is important to find an activity you can enjoy and
integrate in your daily life.

3. Keep Learning - learning new skills or obtaining new knowledge can give you a sense of
achievement and a new confidence. Some recommend doing something new every day. It can be a
short program in cooking or baking, joining an acting or writing workshop, learning to play a musical
instrument, or fixing a car problem.

4. Give to Others - giving to others is not limited to money or other material things. A smile or a warm
and sincere greeting or thank you can brighten up the day for both the giver and receiver. Social
involvement such as volunteering during disasters or helping out in your communities is also good for
developing mental health.
Take Notice be in the here and now, be in the present moment, be aware of what is happening around
you, your own thoughts and feelings, and the physical sensations that you experience. This awareness
is also referred to as "mindfulness," and being mindful can positively change the way you feel about life
and how you approach challenges (NHS choices, nd.).

CHAPTER 9: Emotional Intelligence

Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (1995) explains how
emotions originate as survival instincts, triggering the "fight or flight" response. While both humans and
animals possess this instinct, only the human brain can intellectually process emotions, validate
threats, and regulate responses. Neuroscientists, including Dr. Joseph LeDoux (1992), identify the
amygdala, neocortex, and frontal lobes as key brain regions involved in emotion processing. The
amygdala, which stores emotional memories, can trigger automatic reactions even before rational
thought occurs.

For instance, upon seeing a snake, the brain rapidly transmits the image to the thalamus, neocortex,
amygdala, and frontal lobes, which coordinate a response. However, LeDoux (1992) notes that some
signals bypass rational processing and directly activate the amygdala, leading to an instinctive "knee-
jerk" reaction—known as "hijacking of the amygdala."

While the amygdala initiates emotional responses, the prefrontal cortex helps regulate and control
them, allowing for rational decision-making (Goleman, 1995). Emotional intelligence emerges from this
balance, demonstrating that emotions, no matter how intense, can be managed effectively.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Peter Salovey, a psychologist from Yale University, first introduced the concept of emotional
intelligence, later developing it further with John D. Mayer from the University of New Hampshire.
Daniel Goleman later popularized the idea in his book, defining emotional intelligence as the ability to
manage emotions, stay motivated, control impulses, regulate moods, and empathize with others. He
emphasized that emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in handling frustrations, delaying
gratification, and maintaining hope, ultimately influencing one's ability to think and make decisions
effectively (Goleman, 1995).

In Goleman's Working with Emotional Intelligence, he cited Salovey's five domains of emotional
intelligence, namely:

1. Knowing One’s Emotions or Self-Awareness

Self-awareness involves recognizing and understanding one's emotions as they arise. When a
person acknowledges their emotions and verbalizes them, it signals that their rational mind is
gaining control over their instincts (Goleman, 1995). This ability allows individuals to manage
their emotional responses more effectively.

2. Managing Emotions
While emotions arise naturally, their duration and intensity can be controlled. Prolonged
negative emotions, such as grief, can lead to deeper problems like depression. Managing
emotions involves recognizing them, reframing negative thoughts, and using techniques like
deep breathing, walking, or talking to someone to calm down (Goleman, 1995).

3. Motivating Oneself
Hope and optimism are crucial for emotional intelligence, as they help individuals persist
through adversity. Goleman highlights that having a belief that difficulties are temporary can
lead to resilience. Seeking support from trusted individuals can also help in managing
challenges and maintaining motivation.

4. Recognizing Emotions in Others

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the emotions of others, which is rooted in self-
awareness. Studies suggest that individuals who receive empathy are more likely to show it to
others (Goleman, 1995). Empathy fosters strong relationships and serves as a foundation for
moral values like compassion.

5. Handling Relationships
Emotional intelligence is also evident in the way we manage our relationships with others.
Howard Gardner, (as cited by Goleman, 1995) the proponent of multiple intelligences, and his
colleague, Thomas Hatch, came up with four components of social intelligence (or interpersonal
intelligence). These are:

Organizing groups - a leadership skill essential in mustering groups of people toward a common
action. Examples of people with this talent are orchestra conductors, military officers, and stage
directors.

Negotiating solutions - this talent to bring people in conflict to talk and come up with a solution is
usually found among mediators of disputes.

Personal connection - this is the talent where empathy and connecting with another person's
emotions are manifested. Teachers usually have this natural tendency to relate to others.

Social analysis - is the talent to step out of a situation and objectively form insights about the way
people feel and behave. Therapists are gifted with this talent.

Goleman linked emotional intelligence to Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences, which
originally included seven types: verbal-linguistic, mathematical-logical, spatial, kinesthetic, musical,
interpersonal, and intrapersonal. Later, Gardner added two more—natural and spiritual intelligence.
These intelligences help individuals understand their learning styles, interests, and potential career
paths, as they represent different competencies crucial for personal and professional development.

For your exercise, create a mind map using Goleman's model on emotional intelligence:
a. Self-awareness: emotional self-awareness; accurate self-assessment; self-confidence
b. Self-management: self-control; trustworthiness; conscientiousness; adaptability, achievement
orientation
c. Social skills: influence; leadership; developing others; communication; change catalyst; conflict
management; building bonds; teamwork and collaboration
d. Social awareness: empathy; organization awareness; service orientation
Attach pic:

Variances of Emotions

Emotions are defined as variations in arousal, mood, expression, and attitudes (Sanchez, Abad, & Jao,
2012). Paul Ekman identified six basic emotions—happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and
disgust—which were later simplified into four: happy, sad, afraid/surprise, and anger/disgust by
researchers at the University of Glasgow. Psychologist Robert Plutchik proposed that emotions are
multidimensional and vary in intensity, categorizing them into eight basic emotions: adoration, ecstasy,
anticipation, rage, disgust, grief, surprise, and fear. His "Wheel of Emotions" visually represents these
emotions from the most intense at the center to the least intense at the edges.

On the other hand, Goleman also refers to eight main families of emotions and their corresponding
members:

1. Anger: fury, outrage, resentment, wrath, exasperation, indignation, vexation, acrimony, animosity,
annoyance, irritability, hostility, and to its extremes, hatred and violence
2. Sadness: grief, sorrow, cheerlessness, gloom, melancholy, self-pity, loneliness, dejection, despair;
and in extreme, depression
3. Fear: anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, concern, consternation, misgiving, wariness, qualm,
edginess, dread, fright, terror; and in extreme, phobia and panic
4. Enjoyment: happiness, joy, relief, contentment, bliss, delight, amusement, pride, sensual pleasure,
thrill, rapture, gratification, satisfaction, euphoria, whimsy, ecstasy; and to its extreme, mania
5. Love: acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, affinity, devotion, adoration, infatuation, and agape
6. Surprise: shock, astonishment, amazement, and wonder
7. Disgust: contempt, disdain, scorn, abhorrence, aversion, distaste, and revulsion

8. Shame: guilt, embarrassment, chagrin, remorse, humiliation, regret, mortification, and contrition

Goleman also pointed out in his book the other possible variances of emotions when ane emotion
combines with another, like jealousy with sadness and fear.

While there is a continuing debate on how to identify and classify emotions, it is important for an
adolescent to understand the different types of emotions as this can increase not just one's vocabulary
of emotion words, but as well as developing one's emotional intelligence.

Benefits of Emotional Intelligence

It is often believed that Emotional Intelligence (El), or also referred to as EQ (Emotional Quotient), is
more important in achieving success in one's career or personal life than IQ. While a high IQ is not a
surefire element to one's success, EQ has been identified as the foundation in developing important
skills necessary for one's success at work.

Emotional intelligence is important as it directly affects:

1. Physical and mental health emotional Intelligence equips one with tools in managing stress; and
stress, which usually brings discomfort and illnesses, can be avoided. For mental health, emotional
intelligence works well when dealing with frustrations and challenges, providing the individual with
plenty of healthy coping mechanisms.

2. Work performance-either in school if you are still a student, or at work, if you are already employed.
El helps in understanding people and situations more objectively and with more understanding and
compassion. Emotions that are managed well relieve one from stressful situations and
misunderstandings with others.

3. Relationships interpersonal relationships are enhanced because emotions are expressed in a more
positive way, and with empathy, genuine caring is expressed and shared. El also builds trust so that
conflicts are better managed

Developing Emotional Intelligence

Developing emotional intelligence requires understanding the neurological basis of emotions,

particularly the roles of the thalamus, amygdala, and frontal neocortex. Knee-jerk reactions originate
from the amygdala, but by assessing emotions and their relevance, a person can regulate their
responses. For instance, someone afraid of cockroaches may instinctively react to a dark object on the
floor, but upon reassessment, realizing it is not a cockroach will diminish their fear. Mayer and
Salovey’s five domains (as cited by Goleman, 1995) provide a framework for improving emotional
intelligence.

1. Knowing One's Emotions and Being Aware of Oneself – Self-awareness is the foundation of
emotional intelligence. It helps individuals understand their feelings, identify emotional triggers,
and recognize how emotions influence their thoughts and behaviors. By being aware of one's
emotions, a person can respond more effectively rather than reacting impulsively.
2. Managing One's Emotions – Controlling emotions is key to mental well-being and healthy
interactions. This domain enables individuals to regulate their emotions, prevent overwhelming
feelings, and make rational decisions. Managing emotions also reduces stress and prevents
negative emotions, such as anger or anxiety, from taking over.
3. Motivating Oneself – Emotional intelligence helps individuals stay motivated even in the face
of difficulties. Self-motivation fosters resilience, optimism, and perseverance, which are
essential for achieving goals. This ability allows a person to maintain focus, delay gratification,
and push through challenges.

4. Recognizing Emotions in Others – Empathy, or understanding others' emotions, enhances

relationships by improving communication and social connections. Recognizing emotions in
others allows a person to respond appropriately, offer support, and build deeper connections. It
is crucial in both personal and professional settings.
5. Handling Relationships – Strong relationships are built on effective social skills, including
conflict resolution, communication, and cooperation. This domain helps individuals interact
positively with others, navigate social complexities, and foster teamwork. Good relationship
management is key to leadership, collaboration, and maintaining healthy personal and
professional bonds.

Chapter 10
Personal Relationship
With group members

> What Is Personal Relationship?

> How Are Attachments Developed?
> What Drives Attraction?
> Love and Intimacy
> Commitment: Saying Yes and Meaning It
> Responsibilities in a Relationship

Objectives:
At the end of this chapter, you are expected to:
1.discuss an understanding of teenage relationships, including the acceptable and unacceptable
expressions of attractions;
2. express your ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment;
3. identify ways to become responsible in a relationship; and
4. appraise one's relationships and make plans for building responsible future relationships.

What Is Personal Relationship?

Personal relationships refer to close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and
interactions. These bonds often grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.

Even before language was invented, prehistoric humans were already interacting through many other
forms of behavior. They may have learned how to smile or greet each other; show love, affection, and
even loyalty to the group; and hunt together for food. This interaction was necessary for the survival of
the group where an individual belonged. Survival was the primary reason why human beings have the
fundamental need to belong. In today's world, this need to belong still exists, because it has been
imprinted in our genetic memory that was passed on to us by our ancestors. However, the need to
belong today goes beyond mere survival in the physical sense. Belonging to a group generates many
benefits like having a support system when you need some shoulder to cry on or draw some strength
from. The relationships that are nurtured in a group help each and every one of us survive.

In a published article in the Rozenberg Quarterly entitled, "Attraction and Relationships - The Journey
from Initial Attachments to Romantic Love," edited by Knud S. Larsen, Reider Ommundsen, and Kees
van der Veer, the research on attachment, attraction, and relationship has been examined and findings
demonstrate that relationships are essential to one's happiness (Berscheid, 1985; Berscheid & Reis,
1998) (Larsen, Ommundsen, & van der Veer,
2008)

On the other hand, the absence of close relationships can produce a profound negative effect on an
individual who is deprived of it, such as feeling worthless, powerless, and alienated (Baumeister &
Leary 1995; Stroebe & Stroebe 1996, as cited in Larsen et al.,, 2008). Research goes further in
concluding that our very humanity is defined by our relationships

What is relationship
Merriam-Webster's Learner Dictionary defines relationship as "the way in which two or more people,
groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other." The definition is extended to
include "the way in which two or more people or things are connected."

There are many types of relationships, depending on the nature of interaction that exists between two
or more entities. For example

Types of relationship depending on the nature of interaction:

1. business transactional relationship
2. professional relationship
3. family relationship
4. friendly relationship
5. romantic relationship

Every relationship has specific objectives or purpose that a person wishes to pursue, either because of
need, want, or desire.

Chapter 10: PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

This is the type of relationship which is closely associated with a person and which can only have
meaning to this person.

Privacy and intimacy are two characteristics that define personal relationships.

Personal relationship also involves a degree of commitment to another person or persons, In contrast,
an impersonal or informal relationship may have a commitment not to a person or group of persons, but
to an entity such as a business organization, a principle, or a cause.

Elements:
1. Attachment
2. Attraction
3. Love
4. Intimacy
5. Commitment
In discussing personal relationship, the elements that go with it that will also be discussed are
attachment, attraction, love and intimacy, and commitment.

1. ATTACHMENT
● Attachment Means a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings
● The very first meaningful relationship every human being encounters is with one's mother.
● At the moment of birth when the child is laid beside the mother to be fed and cuddled, bonding
occurs, and the infant develops an attachment to the mother, and later on, with the father.

How Are Attachments Developed?

The very first meaningful relationship every human being encounters is with one's mother. Even before
birth, the mother-child relationship is already established. The intimacy that is nurtured during the nine
months of pregnancy will be enhanced and developed further after the birth of the child. A careless and
non-caring pregnant mother can affect the child in the womb, which may leave psychological and
emotional scars even before the child is born.

Research has confirmed that emotional experiences of expectant mothers, particularly strong emotions
such as anger or anxiety, which produce chemicals in the body such as adrenaline, affect the child in
the womb. Eventually, the infant grows up with a predisposition to anxiety as well.

At the moment of birth when the child is laid beside the mother to be fed and cuddled, bonding occurs,
and the infant develops an attachment to the mother, and later on, with the father.

The Rozenberg Quarterly article quotes a research finding by Bowlby in 1982 that our
succeeding relationships in the future are all shaped to a large extent by our attachment to our
parents (Larsen et al., 2008).

A mother who gazes at her child's face and the child responding with a smile are the foundations of our
sense of physical and psychological well-being

There are three attachment styles as defined by Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, and Wall (as
cited in Larsen et al., 2008). These are:

1. Secure attachment - is when the primary caregiver is most of the time present and available and
when all the emotional needs of an infant are met, providing a sense of security to the infant. Chances
are high that a child who is exposed to this style of attachment will grow up to have more secure and
stable relationships.

2. Avoidant attachment - is when the primary caregiver is cold and detached, and even unresponsive
to a child's needs. The child senses rejection and this often leads to premature detachment and self-
reliance.A person who experienced this style of attachment in infancy and childhood will oftentimes
experience unstable relationships in the future.)ñ

The person given this style of attachment will usually avoid getting into meaningful relationships when
they reach adulthood, and may even claim to be the "rugged individual" who can go through life with
little established relationships where intimacy is present. The possibility of isolation is real for people
who have this type of attachment.

This echoes the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage of Erik Erikson's theory of human development.

3. Anxious-ambivalent attachment - when the primary caregiver is not consistent in terms of

presence and in meeting a child's emotional needs. Often, a person who experienced this style of
attachment in childhood may develop separation anxieties with a loved one, or may have mixed
feelings between hesitancy and commitment when entering into meaningful relationships.

However, all is not lost for those who have experienced the dysfunctional attachment styles discussed
above. There is always hope for the adult who had received these negative styles during his or her
infanthood and childhood to change for the better, particularly when experiencing genuine and
transformative adult love relationships, which can reverse and overcome the unpleasant experiences
they had in childhood.
 2. ATTRACTION
In the British Broadcasting Company's(BBC) Science news features in "Science: Human Body and
Mind," states that attraction is the first stage in a continuum of stages that lead to intimacy and
commitment.

When attraction between two persons is discussed, it is often understood as based on physical
appearance. While this might be true to a certain extent, there is more to attraction than what we
already know.

According to the website, which referred to the biological model of love as proposed by anthropologist
Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey, attraction is primarily based on physiology or certain
hormones that persons who get attracted to others often pick up with their noses. Being attracted to
another person may also mean liking their genes that are perceived through their physical looks

What Drives Attraction?

When attraction between two persons is scussed, it is often understood as based on physical
appearance. While this might be true to a certain extent, there is more to attraction than what we
already know.

In the British Broadcasting Company's(BBC) Science news features in "Science: Human Body and
Mind," the webpage (http://www.bbc. co.uk) (Note: the webpage has been archived and has not been
updated since it was last accessed in 2014) states that attraction is the first stage in a continuum of
stages that lead to intimacy and commitment. According to the website, which referred to the biological
model of love as proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey,
attraction is primarily based on physiology or certain hormones that persons who get attracted to others
often pick up with their noses. Being attracted to another person may also mean liking their genes that
are perceived through their physical looks.

According to Fisher, there are three stages of falling in love:

1. Lust - is driven by the sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen. These hormones affect both sexes.

2. Attraction - is described as the love struck phase, which involves neurotransmitters in the brain such
as dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. This is the stage when a person loses sleep and appetite
over someone, and swoons while daydreaming of this special person.

3. Attachment - when the couple in love decides to continue with the relationship, they enter the
attachment stage where long-lasting commitments are exchanged, and may lead to raising a family.
Special hormones are also secreted during this stage. Oxytocin, which is released during childbirth to
help in breastfeeding and during orgasm, is believed to promote intimacy; and vasopressin, which
promotes long-term relationships.

Fisher concluded that since loving has a genetic basis,this is a natural drive that is as powerful
as hunger.

Attraction also involves our unconscious assessment of another person's genes through their physical
appearance. These genes are usually determinants of good health that would also produce healthy
children. Both male and female are often attracted to bilateral symmetry because this is also an
indication of reproductive health (Larsen et al., 2008), particularly with women whose waist to hip ratio
is ideally pegged at 0.70. (Larsen, Ommundsen, & van der Veer, 2008).
Pheromones, an odorless chemical found in urine and sweat, and can only be detected through
an organ as the nose, are also involved in the assessment of a future mate, this is an indication
of a person's immune system.

In the BBC website which referred to the biological model of love by anthropologist Helen Fisher, it
indicates that women prefer men whose immune systems are different from theirs.

There is scientific basis for this preference. A couple with different immune systems is guaranteed that
their offspring can ward off a wider range of infections. Women are also attracted to men who smell
similar to their father. The woman's genes received from her father contain tried and tested immune
system, while marrying a man whose genes are similar but also different from her father's will ensure
better immunity.

Other research findings indicate the preference of individuals to marry somebody who resembles one
or both of their parents.

The infant who constantly looks at his or her mother's face attaches intimacy to her facial features. That
is why, it is often mentioned that a man will seek someone who has the features of his mother while a
woman will be attracted to someone whose features resemble her father's. This might be the reason for
the attraction.

Aside from physiology, people are attracted to one another because of other reasons.

The Rozenberg Quarterly article mentions several theories and research results related to attraction
and liking. These are:

1. Transference Effect
There are times we meet people who we immediately like or dislike. Usually, these people remind us of
someone in the past who has affected our sense of self and our behavior

(Andersen, Reznik, & Manzella, as cited in Larsen et al., 2008).

Our past relationships can therefore affect our current interactions with people.
We may prefer some and avoid others because of a bad experience we had with someone we
associated this new person with (Hinkley & Andersen, 1996, as cited in Larsen et al., 2008).

2. Propinquity Effect
A research conducted by Festinger, Schachter, and Back in 1950 (as cited in Larsen et al., 2008) points
to proximity as another possible factor why we like a person.

We often develop a sense of familiarity with people who live close to us, work with us, or go to school
with us, which leads us to liking them more.

People we are familiar with make us feel safe and secure. Because we can predict their behavior, we
find people who we are familiar with more likeable than others

(Borstein; Moreland & Zajonc; Zajone, as cited in Larsen et al., 2008). While proximity promotes
familiarity, and hence liking, there are exceptions when we come to dislike the person living next door.

3. Similarity
We often like people who we have similarities with, such as social class background, religious beliefs,
age, and education.

(We are often attracted to likeminded persons and those who have similar beliefs and values as ours,
because the similarity is a validation of our innermost values and belief system, and who we are as a
person. Communicating with people we have similarities with also facilitates communication because
we can easily empathize and understand where they are coming from and what they are trying to say,
as these thoughts or feelings might reflect our own as well.)

According to a study conducted by Aron, Kalick, and Hamilton in 1988 (as cited in Larsen et al., 2008),
similarity is a strong factor in friendship and in the selection of a mate because it gives a common
platform for understanding, which in turn promotes intimacy that is essential for trust, empathy, and
long-lasting relationships.

4. Reciprocity
We like people who like us back. According to research, reciprocity is a stronger basis for liking another
person than similarity. The more we are liked by someone we equally like, the more we behave in ways
that promote mutual feelings of liking.
Research by Curtis and Miller (as cited in Larsen et al., 2008) found out that when we express our liking
for another, oftentimes, this would elicit a pleasant behavior and mutual liking from the other person.

5. Physical Attractiveness
Several research studies were conducted to confirm that physical attractiveness is a major factor in
liking someone, and usually, first impression counts a lot, too.

(Both male and female are equal in their preference for physical attractiveness.)

As already mentioned, physical attractiveness connotes positive health and reproductive fitness, which
are both essential to human survival.

( The physical features that are usually found attractive are average facial features, which are found to
be a component of beauty; higher cheekbones, thinner jaws; and larger eyes (Perett, May, &
Yoshikawa, as cited in Larsen et al., 2008). Average facial features do not mean.common, but rather
fall within the average of a population.
Bilateral symmetry is also found to be attractive (Thornkill & Gangestead, as cited in Larsen et al.,
2008).)

Less attractive individuals may compensate by offering other qualities like wealth and status to attract
a potential mate but relationships built on this exchange do not last long.

6. Personality Characteristics and Traits

People get attracted to two characteristics that lead to liking the other person.
● empathic persons- who exude warmth and sympathy and who are also optimistic and maintain
positive views
● socially competent persons- who are good communicators and enjoy good conversations.

Personality traits found desirable in almost all cultures:

● happy and cheerful disposition,
● poised and
● can present themselves well, outgoing
● sexually warm and responsive

(Some women consider integrity, income potential, and stability as also attractive and desirable for
long-term relationships.)

These women will forego the physical attractiveness for other traits such as warmth, trustworthiness,
and status, which means having access to resources.

Men, on the other hand, put a premium over attractiveness and vitality, although this is slowly changing
due to the improving social and economic potentials of women today

(There are many ways to express one's attraction to another person. This may be conveyed through
words of appreciation and liking, or in acts such as winking, smiling, engaging in small talk, giving gifts,
doing errands, writing or sending messages, or simply admitting to the other person that you are
attracted to him or her.)

3. LOVE AND INTIMACY

(From the point of view of personal development, it is important to have an understanding of the various
concepts of love, and how these can influence the development of a person.However, for this chapter,
we will focus on the concept of romantic love or interpersonal love.There has been a raging debate
over the definition of love. Is love a feeling? Is love a thought? Is love physical?)

love is a feeling of deep affection, passion, or strong liking for a person or thing

The American Heritage Dictionary (n.d.) defines love as:

 ● a strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from kinship or
close friendship;
● a strong feeling of affection and concern for another person accompanied by sexual attraction;
● a feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or a god;
● a feeling of kindness or concern by God or a god toward humans; and
● sexual desire or activity: the pleasures of love; a night of love.

Love is….
● Emotion
● Feeling
● Virtue
● Action
● Experience

(Based on these definitions, we see several angles of what love is. It is an emotion, a feeling, a virtue,
an action, and an experience. Love is also defined differently in different cultures.)

(We have previously presented the biological model of love as anthropologist Helen Fisher explained in
her theory (British Broadcasting Company's [BBC] Science news features in "Science: Human Body
and Mind" webpage [http://www.bbc.co.uk] [Note: the webpage has been archived and has not been
updated since it was last accessed in 2015]) that the experience of love comes in three overlapping
stages and where certain hormones are involved in each stage: lust, attraction, and attachment.)

In this section, we will present another theory, but this time, it is about the different components of love
as theorized in Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love (Feist & Rosenberg, 2012). These three
components are: intimacy, commitment, and passion.

1. Intimacy
Researchers Reis, Clark, and Holmes
(2004) and Reis and Shaver (1998) defined intimacy as "that lovely moment when someone
understands and validates us."

In a more poetic manner, John Joseph Powell, author of the book, The Secret of Stoying in Love,
defined intimacy with these words: *It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own
beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of
another loving, caring human being".

Being intimate with another person is about being open and vulnerable to that person whom we deeply
trust, who we feel connected with, and who values us with unconditional positive regard which is
viewing the other person with complete trust and devoid of suspicion or negative thought.

(Communication is a key component in developing intimacy, where self-disclosure is practiced, which

leads to profound and meaningful conversations that nurture and strengthen intimacy. Seif disclosure
requires honesty for it to work, and is a tool in enhancing the love relationship between two persons.)

2. Commitment
Commitment is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with another
person, entity. or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide to one's
behavior and thinking. Commitment in a love relationship is expressed continuously in caring and loving
actions for the beloved.

3. Passion
Passion, as defined in generic terms, is the intense state of being that drives and consumes a person to
pursue an interest, a vision, or a person.

In terms of romantic love, passion connotes sexual attraction, as well as intimacy.

(Sternberg (Feist & Rosenberg, 2012) proposed eight forms of love based on the combinations created
by these three components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Referring to the graphic on the next
page, we observe the seven combinations that make up the different types of love.
The eighth type of love is the absence of the three components and is referred to by Sternberg as "non-
love.")

(While Sternberg's theory is just one of many other theories about love, many of these may be
classified within the eight types that Sternberg identified.)
(Attraction serves as the first step toward liking someone, and among all the basis of attraction that
were discussed, reciprocity (mutual liking) is what triggers a couple to move toward romance and
intimacy, and eventually, to commitment.)

4. COMMITMENT

Commitment: Saying Yes and Meaning It

(Let us look back at what we have discussed so far in this chapter. First, we defined what personal
relationship is all about. We learned that through our relationships, we are defined as persons and as
humans.)

(From there, we saw the interconnection between relationships and attachments. We then proceeded in
understanding what attachment is and the three styles of attachments that developed from the time we
were born to childhood, when we were most vulnerable, to the presence or absence of a primary
caregiver, usually a mother. From attachments, we then proceeded to discussing attraction.)

(We found out that physical attraction is biologically driven by chemicals in our body called hormones.
We also learned that symmetry is another driver of attraction, as it has a basis for our survival. We also
learned the other ways of becoming attracted to somebody, such as transference, propinquity,
similarity, reciprocity, personality traits, and physical appearance.
Among all the attraction theories presented, reciprocity was identified as the main reason why a couple
moves from attraction to romance and intimacy, and eventually to commitment.)

(Then, love and intimacy were discussed. We learned that love is more than a feeling, it also includes
actions. Among all the attempts to define and understand love, we focused on Sternberg's Triangular
Theory of Love, which identified the three components of love as intimacy, passion, and commitment,
and the eight variations of love based on these three components.)

(Given the right ingredients such as compatible attachment styles, physical attraction, and reciprocal
liking, a couple's relationship may be further nurtured by their constant companionship, their openness,
trust and sharing of thoughts, feelings, fears, as well as joys. The couple may then decide to commit to
an exclusive relationship and eventually formalize the relationship through a marriage ritual.)

We defined commitment as a continuing process of showing love and care; fulfilling the
promises or agreements made with each other; and through bad times and good times, the
commitment stays firmly in place.

Commitment is saying yes, you are into this relationship and will stick to it for as long as possible.
There is integrity in commitment because the word given should mean something to the person making
the commitment.

Interdependency develops between two healthy individuals who commit to be together and yet not
lose each other's individuality. During a wedding ceremony, this interdependence is symbolized by the
two candles the couple lights up and holds on as together they light up a third candle symbolizing the
reiationship that has grown between two individuals.

Psychologists have conducted research on commitment and have identified three variables (Rusbult,
as cited in Larson et al., 2008) which may have an effect on commitment as examined in the
Rozenberg Quarterly article:

1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship - considered as the most important determinant of
satisfaction in a relationship

Rewards of the relationship include support from the partner:

● sexual satisfaction;
● emotional,
● financial
● physical security
● adventure
● novelty.

A relationship should be deemed as mutually rewarding by the couple for them to continue and
reinforce their commitment to each other.

2. Temptation of alternative partners - the presence of possible alternatives for another partner can rock
the relationship and destabilize the commitment of a couple. It was noted that the fewer alternatives
that a party in a relationship gets exposed to, the lesser the possibility of breaking the relationship
(White & Booth. as cited in Larson et ai., 2008).

3. Investments made by the couple-

Investments made by the couple in the relationship are also important in maintaining commitment.

Investments included are:

● time spent together
● common beliefs and experiences
● mutual experiences with mutual friends
● and bearing children.

It was also discovered that religious beliefs reinforce commitment.

(As there are variables involved in strengthening and maintaining a commitment, there are also spoilers
to it. )

Research (from Rozenberg Quarterly article) identified four behaviors married couples may do that can
predict a divorce or separation:

1. Consistently finding fault with the partner - consistent criticism negates the person being criticized
and may send the message te the partner that he or she is inferior to the other.

2. Tone of the criticism - this happens when there is the absence of unconditional positive regard for
each other in a relationship, criticizing in ways that belittle the other person. Positive and constructive
criticism that is done in a light and playful manner can create positive outcome.

3. Denial of the existence of conflict - when one party eludes the presence of a problem and refuses to
discuss it, as if belittling the problem, it will result in frustration on the side of the other party.

4. Contempt - like criticism, contempt is present when someone who looks down on the party as
inferior, does not give unconditional positive regard, and aggravates the situation by expressing
superiority over the other. According to the research, that contempt is the "ultimate expression of
disillusionment and highly predictive of divorce" (Gottman & Levenson, as cited in Larsen et al., 2008)
or separation.

Responsibilities in a Relationship
As we defined relationship as the interactive behavior between two or more persons, groups, or nations
who are bound by common interests, let us now define some important responsibilities that are
necessary in a relationship to make it flourish and stay beneficial for the parties involved.
1. Be responsible for what you think and say to the other person. Emotions should be considered when
dealing with other people. Being sensitive to these emotions will make a person responsible for what is
said and accept the consequences of how the other party will receive the message.

2. Be responsible for what you promise to do or not do. Integrity is a key factor in relationships. Coupled
with trust, integrity in one's word means that you are reliable and trustworthy, When credibility is in
question, a relationship will not last long.

3. Ensure the relationship is mutuaily beneficial, Baianced reiationships are always mutually beneficial
to both parties. It is always good to have a give-and-take attitude for this assures fairness and equality.
When fairness is perceived, trust follows.

4. Respect the other party or parties involved. Mutual respect is also essential in a reiationship. Giving
respect to each other is a common responsibility of any party involved in a relationship.

5. Be ready to provide support when needed. Relationships also thrive on the support given by one
party to another. Providing support, either financially, emotionally, spiritually, or physically, strengthens
the bond in a relationship, as this is an expression of one's commitment to the other party. it is all about
the "we're in this together" thing in a relationship.

Here are some potential thesis statements related to the topic of beauty and self-esteem:

1. "The beauty industry's perpetuation of unrealistic beauty standards has a profoundly negative impact
on individuals' self-esteem, particularly among young women."
2. "The relationship between beauty and self-esteem is complex, and promoting positive body image
and self-acceptance is crucial for developing healthy self-esteem."
3. "Societal pressure to conform to traditional beauty standards can lead to decreased self-esteem, and
it is essential to challenge these norms and promote diversity and inclusivity."
4. "The media's portrayal of beauty has a significant influence on individuals' self-esteem, and it is vital
to promote media literacy and critical thinking."
5. "Fostering self-compassion and self-acceptance is essential for developing positive self-esteem, and
this can be achieved by promoting positive body image and challenging unrealistic beauty standards.

Objectives
At the end of this chapter, you are expected to:
1. distinguish the various roles of different individuals in society and how they can influence people
through their leadership or followership:
2. compare one's perception of yourself and how others see you; and
3. conduct a mini survey on Filipino relationships (family, school, and community).

What Is Social Relationship?

(In the previous chapter, we discussed personal relationship among adolescents and identified this type
of relationship as unique to the individual, where privacy, intimacy, loyalty, disclosure, and trust are very
important. We discussed how personal relationships could also be very exclusive and emotionally
intense, such as in romantic relationships. Personal relationships are usually present among family
members, close friends, and lovers whom one shares intimate information with.)

(In this chapter, we will expand the relationships of adolescents to a wider group of people, such as
schoolmates, school authorities, neighbors, community acquaintances, fellow members of social
organizations, strangers they often meet casually in social gatherings, and even the small groupings of
friends in school usually referred to as cliques.)

Social relationships tend to be less intimate, with lesser self-disclosure involved, but may still be
exclusive, and may demand certain levels of loyalty as in fraternities or religious organizations, and to a
lesser extent, loosely knitted social clubs like practitioners of certain specialized professions.

Middle and late adolescents usually find themselves in the company of their peers, usually from the
school or the neighborhood. As they gravitate more toward these groups, the attachment to family as
their primary source of personal development now shifts toward these peer groups. Being able to
create friendships and new attachments is critical in the development of adolescents as they transition
to young adulthood. From high school to college, adolescents mature faster socially, and new lessons
are learned especially on how their social interactions affirm their self-identity, increase their self-
esteem, and develop their capacity to nurture relationships.
Goleman's Social Intelligence Theory
Daniel Goleman, author of the book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships
(2006), explained how our brains are wired to connect with other people, and how part of the human
brain located just above the eyes, called the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), is connected directly to the
three major regions of the brain: the cortex, the amygdala, and the brain stem.

(In the previous chapters, we showed how neuroscience plays a key role in the way we experience and
handle emotions, stress, and even the way we are attracted to other people. Likewise, social
intelligence is rooted in this same neurological connection as emotional intelligence.)

Goleman pointed out that the OFC provides an immediate connection between thoughts, emotions, and
behaviors. It immediately calculates our feelings and thoughts about a person and how that other
person feels and thinks about us, and what actions we take after this quick assessment. This
instantaneous analysis determines how we will deal with and how we will handle the person, and how
our actions and behavior stem from this brain activity. After the initial assessment that our brain
undertakes, the final action that we take is a deliberate and conscious choice we make. As such, we
are always responsible for what we do and think, especially about other people.

Social Influence
Our social relationships, although dictated to a certain extent by our neural reflexes, are also affected
by other factors such as social influence.

(An article, Social Influence, written by Lisa Rashotte (2007), discusses a study conducted by
renowned social psychologists John R. P. French and Bertram Raven in 1959 on the concept of power
and how this is used in social influence. )

According to Rashotte from An article, Social Influence, written by Lisa Rashotte (2007)- the authors
defined social influence as things such as behavior, actions, attitude, concepts, ideas, communications,
wealth, and other resources that bring about changes in the beliefs, attitudes, and/or behavior of
persons as a result of the action/s of another person.

Rashotte further explored how social influence is usually conducted through the use of power whether
this was done authoritatively, coercively, suggestively, or by giving rewards.

(In some other instances, Rashotte pointed out how social influence happens as a result of interacting
with other people who are perceived to be subject matter experts or of having similar persuasions as
the ones being influenced. She concluded that French and Raven were able to conclude in that study
how leadership and power are closely interlinked.)

Varieties or Types of Social Influence

Herbert Kelman (1958), a Harvard psychologist, suggested that there are three varieties
of social influence, namely:
1. Compliance - is when a person seems to agree, and foflows what is requested or required of
him or her to do or believe in, but does not necessarily have to really believe or agree to it;
2. Identification - is when a person is influenced by someone he or she likes or looks up to, like a
movie star, a social celebrity, or a superhero; and
3. Internalization - is when a person is able to own a certain belief or act, and is willing to make it
known publicly and privately.

Social scientists and psychologists identified other types of social influence as:
1. Conformity- is a type of social influence that involves a change in behavior, belief, or thinking to
be like others.
2 variety of conformity:
● Informational conformity
● Normative conformity

(It is the most common and pervasive form of social influence.Social psychology research in
conformity tends to distinguish between two varieties: informational conformity ("internalization"
in Kelman's terms) and normative conformity ("compliance" in Kelman's terms).)

Conformity is very strong particularly among middle and late adolescents.

( This is supported by the fact that an adolescent in this age group is most susceptible to a compelling
need to seek approval from others and be accepted by them in order to become a friend and to belong
to a social group. This tendency toward conformity among adolescents may lead to either positive or
negative results, depending on the beliefs, intentions, and attitudes of the members of a group and the
extent of their influence on an individual.)

Conformity is brought about by peer pressure, often imposed on the members of a group to
demonstrate some semblance of loyalty, which is often deemed as necessary to maintain one's
relationship with the group.

(Conformity is one reason why group members look and behave very similarly with one another such
as wearing similar-looking clothes or enjoying the same movies and music genre, and adoring the
same celebrities.)

2. Conversion- occurs when an individual whole-heartedly changes his or her original thinking
and beliefs, actions, and attitudes to align with those of the other members of a group. This also
happens in a group when the original beliefs, attitudes, and behavior of the different members
may have influenced each other to evolve into a new set of beliefs, attitudes, and behavior.
● Religious conversions are typical of this type of social influence where internalization
happens to make the new set of beliefs, attitudes, and actions become one's own.

3. Minority influence- happens when a bigger number of people are influenced by a much
smaller number of people and when the minority's way of looking at and doing things are
accepted. This may happen when the minority owns and wields power economically, politically,
and socially, or if the majority are uninvolved and detached from issues.

4. Reactance- is when there is a willing rejection of a social influence being exerted on an

individual or group. This is also known as anti- or non-conformity. Reactance is a reverse
reaction to some social influence that is being imposed by a person or a group on another.
(For example, an adolescent who is being prevailed upon by the parents to stay at home during
weekends and help in the house chores may react and develop a non-conforming behavior of not
following his parents. Whether the influence is right or not, non-conformity is the rejection of such
influence.)

5. Obedience- is another form of social influence wherein a person follows what someone tells
him or her to do, although it may not necessarily reflect the person's set of beliefs or values.
Similar to compliance, obedience usually stems from either respect or fear of the authority
figure.

6. Persuasion- is used by one person or group to influence another to change their beliefs,
actions, or attitudes by appealing to reason or emotion.

Leadership and Followership Theories

(Much has been written and discussed about leadership and how it impacts organizations and small
groups alike. Even the definition of leadership has evolved through the years. A leader was often
typecast as someone who is the head of a group of people by virtue of having great strength and
wisdom, or may have inherited a position of power even if strength and wisdom were not part of this
person's virtues.)

Influence plays a major role in leadership.

Leadership, as inferred from the writing of Chester Barnard, is as the ability of a person in position of
authority to influence others to behave in such a manner that goals are achieved (Novicevic, Harvey,
Buckley, Brown, & Evans,2006).

Power is also annexed to leadership, and that a leader may obtain power through various means and
sources, such as position, giving rewards, expertise, respect, or coercion (French & Raven, 2008).

There are several existing theories of leadership:

1. Trait Theory
This theory defines leadership based on certain personality traits that are generally suited for all
leaders, such as decisiveness, persistence, high level of self-confidence and assertiveness, among
others.

2. Behavioral Theory
This theory presupposes that leadership is a learned behavior, and that leaders are defined according
to certain types of behavior they exhibit.

3. Participative Theory
The opposite of an autocratic leader, the participative leader involves other people to make common
decisions.

4. Situational Theory
This theory assumes that there is no one style of leadership and that leadership behavior is based on
the factors present in a situation, and usually takes into consideration how followers behave.

5. Transactional Theory
This theory states that leadership involves a transaction on negotiation of resources or position, and
usually employs reward and punishment.

6. Transformational Theory
This theory involves a vision, which a leader uses to rally support from followers, and the role of the
leader is in motivating others to support the vision and make it happen.

(Other leadership theories currently being explored and researched on are combinations of the different
theories mentioned earlier.)

1. Authentic Leadership
In the book Why Should Anyone Be Led by You?: What It Takes to Be an Authentic Leader by Rob
Goffee and Gareth Jones (2006), the authors lined up three basic axioms of leadership, and these are:
1. Leadership is situational. This means that a leader's behavior and what is required of him will
always be influenced by the situation. It means that a leader is able to assess a situation
quickly, adjust to it, and provide the appropriate and necessary action to address it for the
benefit of his followers.
2. Leadership is non-hierarchical. The exercise of leadership is not based on one's position in
an organizational chart alone, but also dependent on other factors such as characteristics, skills,
and even connections.
3. Leadership is relational. Leaders and followers establish a relationship where their interests
are mutually met. The role of a leader in this relationship can vary from being a visionary to a
cheerleader. Followers in a relationship with their leaders often desire to belong to a bigger
entity like a community, and their expectation of their leader is one who is genuine or authentic.
This authenticity is expressed in followers.behavioral terms that are communicated effectively
and consistently to the followers.

An authentic leader, according to Goffee and Jones

(2006), has the following critical elements present:
● They walk their talk. They are consistent in what they say and what they do, practicing what
they are preaching.
● They adjust to situations and display adaptability and flexibility but are consistent with their
values and real selves even when they take on different roles during different situations.
● They have a high level of comfort being themselves, even if they come from backgrounds that
are different from the people or situations they deal with.
(An example of this is Gat Andres Bonifacio, who found himself dealing with people from all
classes, rich or poor, the uneducated or the intelligentsia (intellectuals or highly educated
people), and felt comfortable being with them.)

(Authentic leadership, therefore, is primarily determined by how followers view the leader; thus,
attributing a leader's authenticity through the eyes of his or her followers.)

2. Leader-Member Exchange (LMX) Theory

(So far, various theories have been presented to define leadership, its role, and its qualities.)

There was also a mention that there is no leader without a follower.

(Another perspective of leadership casts followership as a defining factor for leadership.)

Saint-Hilare (2008), in her paper discussing the various theories of leadership, mentions a theory
involving the dynamics between a leader and his or her followers. This was first developed from the
perspective of an original leader-member theory called the Vertical Dyad Linkage (VDL) Theory.
The VDL theory was first discussed in the works of Dansereau, Graen, and Haga (1975). Eventually,
VDL further progressed into two more theories, and one of which is the Leader-Member Exchange
(LMX) Theory.

The LMX theory states that a leader's effectiveness is measured by the quality of his relationship with
his followers, and different types of relationships can evolve between leader and follower in a certain
work situation. Results of these types of relationships can vary. Another tenet of the theory is that there
should be an exchange of resources between leader and follower that is meaningful and viewed by
both parties as fair.

3. Heroic Leadership
Another example of a popular description of leadership was expounded in a book entitled
Heroic Leadership: Best Practices From a 450-Year-Old Company That Changed the World by Chris
Lowney, (2003). He referred to the type of leadership that the members of the Society of Jesus live by.
To this religious congregation of men, everyone is a leader and everyone gets a chance to lead and be
leaders in everything they do.

This type of leadership follows four principles that are integrated with one another and synergistically
interacting to reinforce each principle:

1. Self-awareness.
We have emphasized the importance of self-awareness, knowing and understanding fully our
strengths and challenges, our way of looking at things, and even our emotions and the set of values
that we live by. This type of leadership considers self-awareness as very important to being a leader.

2. Ingenuity.
A leader of this type is not stuck in his comfort zone because the world is constantly changing.
Flexibility and openness to new ideas are the hallmark of this kind of leadership. In the same manner,
detachment from sources of pride and pleasure is also emphasized.

3. Love.
A healthy self-concept generates a healthy and positive attitude when dealing with other people. After
all, you cannot love or respect another person unless you love and respect yourself first. What you do
not have, you cannot share with others.

(Effective leaders show their respect for their followers. They are not merely people who follow them,
but are partners in achieving the results they all desire.)

People who are respected, treated well, valued, and trusted by another always show their best as a
response to the genuine care being received.

4. Heroism.
This type of leadership is about motivating and inspiring other people to reach for higher goals, for
bigger and greater things.
(Going back to Goffe's and Jones's authentic leadership theory, they discussed the aspects of authentic
leadership and emphasized the role of the follower as a vital ingredient in the success of a leader.)

According to Goffee and Jones, there are four elements followers want from a leader:

1. Authenticity - the leader is not afraid to show his or her weakness, reveals his or her human
side without fear, and uses these together with his or her strengths to lead others

2. Significance - a leader provides the reason or meaning for followers to believe in

3. Excitement - a leader provides motivation and inspiration to his or her followers and excites
them to pursue their vision

4. Community - a leader builds a community of followers with whom they can associate and forge
relationships.

(Unlike some theories that claim everyone can be a leader, Goffee and Jones reason that leadership is
not for everyone. Leadership, they theorized, are for those who want to become leaders and are ready
to take on the responsibilities of being one. They concluded that leadership is measured not merely by
its results, but most importantly, on the way it provides meaning to the leadership cause.)

4. The Why-How-What Types of Leadership

(The last theory of leadership and followership that we will discuss is about giving meaning to why
followers follow a leader. )

According to Simon Sinek (2009), a leader inspires people and gives them something to believe in.

( Examples of these types of leaders are Moses, who brought the people of his tribe out of Egyptian
slavery; Martin Luther King, who inspired people with his speech "I Have a Dream" (he did not say, "I
Have a Plan"); and of course, our own national heroes, Jose Rizal and Andres Bonifacio, who inspired
our early ancestors to dream of freedom from Spanish colonialism.)

Sinek explains further that the most important question to ask first when leading others is the reason or
purpose why followers are asked to act and behave in a certain way (the "why" of every leadership).
Once the "why" is clearly established, the "how" (which is the action that will make a vision a reality),
and the "what" (the outcomes or results of the actions) will follow.

● "Why" type of leader is usually the visionary, the one who believes results can be achieved
● "How" type of leader is the realist who is able to see how to work out a vision
● "What" type of leader is the builder who provides the details on how to get things done.