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11 views50 pages

Cispostgresql14benchmarkv100docx Cis Instant Download

The document is the CIS PostgreSQL 14 Benchmark, which provides guidance for establishing a secure configuration for PostgreSQL 14, applicable to various Linux distributions. It includes recommendations on installation, patches, permissions, logging, user access, and settings, along with a consensus review process involving experts. The intended audience includes system administrators, security specialists, and auditors involved in deploying or securing PostgreSQL solutions.

Uploaded by

wishalkhuma
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© © All Rights Reserved
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CIS PostgreSQL 14 Benchmark
v1.0.0 - 10-27-2021
Terms of Use
Please see the below link for our current terms of use:
https://www.cisecurity.org/cis-securesuite/cis-securesuite-membership-terms-of-use/

1|Page
Table of Contents

Terms of Use ............................................................................................................................................................... 1


Overview ...................................................................................................................................................................... 5
Intended Audience .............................................................................................................................................. 5
Consensus Guidance ........................................................................................................................................... 5
Typographical Conventions ............................................................................................................................ 6
Assessment Status ............................................................................................................................................... 6
Profile Definitions ................................................................................................................................................ 7
Acknowledgements ............................................................................................................................................. 8
Recommendations.................................................................................................................................................... 9
1 Installation and Patches ................................................................................................................................ 9
1.1 Ensure packages are obtained from authorized repositories (Manual) ................ 9
1.2 Ensure systemd Service Files Are Enabled (Automated) .......................................... 13
1.3 Ensure Data Cluster Initialized Successfully (Automated) ....................................... 15
2 Directory and File Permissions ............................................................................................................... 17
2.1 Ensure the file permissions mask is correct (Manual) ............................................... 17
3 Logging Monitoring And Auditing ......................................................................................................... 18
3.1 PostgreSQL Logging............................................................................................................................. 18
3.1.1 Logging Rationale ........................................................................................................................ 19
3.1.2 Ensure the log destinations are set correctly (Automated) ................................. 19
3.1.3 Ensure the logging collector is enabled (Automated) ............................................. 22
3.1.4 Ensure the log file destination directory is set correctly (Automated) ........... 24
3.1.5 Ensure the filename pattern for log files is set correctly (Automated) ........... 26
3.1.6 Ensure the log file permissions are set correctly (Automated) .......................... 29
3.1.7 Ensure 'log_truncate_on_rotation' is enabled (Automated) ................................. 31
3.1.8 Ensure the maximum log file lifetime is set correctly (Automated) ................. 34
3.1.9 Ensure the maximum log file size is set correctly (Automated) ......................... 36
3.1.10 Ensure the correct syslog facility is selected (Manual) ....................................... 38
3.1.11 Ensure syslog messages are not suppressed (Manual) ....................................... 40
3.1.12 Ensure syslog messages are not lost due to size (Manual) ................................ 42

2|Page
3.1.13 Ensure the program name for PostgreSQL syslog messages is correct
(Automated) ......................................................................................................................................... 44
3.1.14 Ensure the correct messages are written to the server log (Automated) ... 46
3.1.15 Ensure the correct SQL statements generating errors are recorded
(Automated) ......................................................................................................................................... 48
3.1.16 Ensure 'debug_print_parse' is disabled (Automated) .......................................... 50
3.1.17 Ensure 'debug_print_rewritten' is disabled (Automated) .................................. 52
3.1.18 Ensure 'debug_print_plan' is disabled (Automated) ............................................. 54
3.1.19 Ensure 'debug_pretty_print' is enabled (Automated) .......................................... 56
3.1.20 Ensure 'log_connections' is enabled (Automated) ................................................. 58
3.1.21 Ensure 'log_disconnections' is enabled (Automated) .......................................... 60
3.1.22 Ensure 'log_error_verbosity' is set correctly (Automated) ................................ 62
3.1.23 Ensure 'log_hostname' is set correctly (Automated) ............................................ 64
3.1.24 Ensure 'log_line_prefix' is set correctly (Automated)........................................... 66
3.1.25 Ensure 'log_statement' is set correctly (Automated) ........................................... 69
3.1.26 Ensure 'log_timezone' is set correctly (Automated) ............................................. 72
3.2 Ensure the PostgreSQL Audit Extension (pgAudit) is enabled (Automated) ... 74
4 User Access and Authorization ............................................................................................................... 77
4.1 Ensure sudo is configured correctly (Manual) .............................................................. 77
4.2 Ensure excessive administrative privileges are revoked (Manual)...................... 79
4.3 Ensure excessive function privileges are revoked (Automated) ........................... 82
4.4 Ensure excessive DML privileges are revoked (Manual) .......................................... 85
4.5 Ensure Row Level Security (RLS) is configured correctly (Manual) .................... 90
4.6 Ensure the set_user extension is installed (Automated) ........................................... 94
4.7 Make use of predefined roles (Manual) ......................................................................... 101
5 Connection and Login............................................................................................................................... 104
5.1 Ensure login via "local" UNIX Domain Socket is configured correctly (Manual)
................................................................................................................................................................. 104
5.2 Ensure login via "host" TCP/IP Socket is configured correctly (Manual) ....... 108
6 PostgreSQL Settings .................................................................................................................................. 112
6.1 Understanding attack vectors and runtime parameters (Manual) .................... 112

3|Page
6.2 Ensure 'backend' runtime parameters are configured correctly (Automated)
................................................................................................................................................................. 114
6.3 Ensure 'Postmaster' Runtime Parameters are Configured (Manual) ............... 116
6.4 Ensure 'SIGHUP' Runtime Parameters are Configured (Manual) ....................... 119
6.5 Ensure 'Superuser' Runtime Parameters are Configured (Manual).................. 123
6.6 Ensure 'User' Runtime Parameters are Configured (Manual) ............................. 126
6.7 Ensure FIPS 140-2 OpenSSL Cryptography Is Used (Automated) ..................... 130
6.8 Ensure TLS is enabled and configured correctly (Automated) ........................... 133
6.9 Ensure the pgcrypto extension is installed and configured correctly (Manual)
................................................................................................................................................................. 137
7 Replication .................................................................................................................................................... 140
7.1 Ensure a replication-only user is created and used for streaming replication
(Manual) .............................................................................................................................................. 140
7.2 Ensure logging of replication commands is configured (Manual) ..................... 143
7.3 Ensure base backups are configured and functional (Manual) ........................... 145
7.4 Ensure WAL archiving is configured and functional (Automated) .................... 147
7.5 Ensure streaming replication parameters are configured correctly (Manual)
................................................................................................................................................................. 149
8 Special Configuration Considerations ............................................................................................... 151
8.1 Ensure PostgreSQL configuration files are outside the data cluster (Manual)
................................................................................................................................................................. 151
8.2 Ensure PostgreSQL subdirectory locations are outside the data cluster
(Manual) .............................................................................................................................................. 154
8.3 Ensure the backup and restore tool, 'pgBackRest', is installed and configured
(Automated) ...................................................................................................................................... 156
8.4 Ensure miscellaneous configuration settings are correct (Manual) ................. 160
Appendix: Recommendation Summary Table ....................................................................................... 162
Appendix: Change History .............................................................................................................................. 165

4|Page
Overview
This document, CIS PostgreSQL 14 Benchmark, provides prescriptive guidance for
establishing a secure configuration posture for PostgreSQL 14. This guide was tested
against PostgreSQL 14 running on RHEL 8, but applies to other Linux distributions as well.
To obtain the latest version of this guide, please visit http://benchmarks.cisecurity.org. If
you have questions, comments, or have identified ways to improve this guide, please write
us at [email protected].

Intended Audience
This document is intended for system and application administrators, security specialists,
auditors, help desk, and platform deployment personnel who plan to develop, deploy,
assess, or secure solutions that incorporate PostgreSQL 14.

Consensus Guidance
This benchmark was created using a consensus review process comprised of subject
matter experts. Consensus participants provide perspective from a diverse set of
backgrounds including consulting, software development, audit and compliance, security
research, operations, government, and legal.

Each CIS benchmark undergoes two phases of consensus review. The first phase occurs
during initial benchmark development. During this phase, subject matter experts convene
to discuss, create, and test working drafts of the benchmark. This discussion occurs until
consensus has been reached on benchmark recommendations. The second phase begins
after the benchmark has been published. During this phase, all feedback provided by the
Internet community is reviewed by the consensus team for incorporation in the
benchmark. If you are interested in participating in the consensus process, please visit
https://workbench.cisecurity.org/.

5|Page
Typographical Conventions
The following typographical conventions are used throughout this guide:

Convention Meaning
Stylized Monospace font Used for blocks of code, command, and script examples.
Text should be interpreted exactly as presented.

Monospace font Used for inline code, commands, or examples. Text should
be interpreted exactly as presented.

<italic font in brackets> Italic texts set in angle brackets denote a variable
requiring substitution for a real value.

Italic font Used to denote the title of a book, article, or other


publication.

Note Additional information or caveats

Assessment Status
An assessment status is included for every recommendation. The assessment status
indicates whether the given recommendation can be automated or requires manual steps
to implement. Both statuses are equally important and are determined and supported as
defined below:

Automated

Represents recommendations for which assessment of a technical control can be fully


automated and validated to a pass/fail state. Recommendations will include the necessary
information to implement automation.

Manual

Represents recommendations for which assessment of a technical control cannot be fully


automated and requires all or some manual steps to validate that the configured state is set
as expected. The expected state can vary depending on the environment.

6|Page
Profile Definitions
The following configuration profiles are defined by this Benchmark:

• Level 1 - PostgreSQL

Items in this profile apply to PostgreSQL 14 and intend to:

o be practical and prudent;


o provide a clear security benefit; and
o not inhibit the utility of the technology beyond acceptable means.

Note: The intent of this profile is to include checks that can be assessed by remotely
connecting to PostgreSQL. Therefore, file system-related checks are not contained in
this profile.

• Level 1 - PostgreSQL on Linux

Items in this profile apply to PostgreSQL 14 running on Linux and intend to:

o be practical and prudent;


o provide a clear security benefit; and
o not inhibit the utility of the technology beyond acceptable means.

7|Page
Acknowledgements
This benchmark exemplifies the great things a community of users, vendors, and subject matter
experts can accomplish through consensus collaboration. The CIS community thanks the entire
consensus team with special recognition to the following individuals who contributed greatly to
the creation of this guide:

Author
Douglas Hunley

Contributor
Emad Al-Mousa
Ross Moles

Editor
Tim Harrison Center for Internet Security

8|Page
Recommendations
1 Installation and Patches
One of the best ways to ensure PostgreSQL security is to implement security updates as
they come out, along with any applicable OS patches that will not interfere with system
operations. It is additionally prudent to ensure the installed version has not reached end-
of-life.

1.1 Ensure packages are obtained from authorized repositories


(Manual)
Profile Applicability:

• Level 1 - PostgreSQL on Linux

Description:

Standard Linux distributions, although possessing the requisite packages, often do not have
PostgreSQL pre-installed. The installation process includes installing the binaries and the
means to generate a data cluster. Package installation should include both the server and
client packages. Contribution modules are optional depending upon one's architectural
requirements (they are recommended though).

When obtaining and installing software packages (typically via dnf or apt), it's imperative
that packages are sourced only from valid and authorized repositories. For PostgreSQL, the
canonical repositories are the official PostgreSQL YUM repository (yum.postgresql.org) and
the official PostgreSQL APT repository (apt.postgresql.org). Your chosen PostgreSQL
vendor may offer its own software repositories as well.

Rationale:

Being open-source, PostgreSQL packages are widely available across the internet through
package aggregators and providers. However, using invalid or unauthorized sources for
packages can lead to implementing untested, defective, or malicious software.

Many organizations choose to implement a local software repository within their


organization. Care must be taken to ensure that only valid and authorized packages are
downloaded and installed into such local repositories.

9|Page
From a security perspective, it's imperative to verify the PostgreSQL binary packages are
sourced from a valid software repository. For a complete listing of all PostgreSQL binaries
available via configured repositories inspect the output from dnf provides '*libpq.so'
or apt-file search /usr/pgsql-14/lib/libpq.so.5.

Audit:

Identify and inspect configured repositories to ensure they are all valid and authorized
sources of packages. The following is an example of a simple CentOS 8 install illustrating
the use of the dnf repolist all command.

# whoami
root
# dnf repolist all | grep -E 'enabled$'
rhel-8-for-x86_64-appstream-rpms Red Hat Enterpris
enabled
rhel-8-for-x86_64-baseos-rpms Red Hat Enterpris
enabled
#

Ensure the list of configured repositories only includes organization-approved repositories.


If any unapproved repositories are listed, this is a fail.

To inspect what versions of PostgreSQL packages are currently installed, we can query
using the rpm commands. As illustrated below, no PostgreSQL packages are installed:

# whoami
root
# rpm -qa | grep postgres
#

If packages were returned in the above, we can determine from which repo they came by
combining dnf and rpm:

# whoami
root
# dnf info $(rpm -qa|grep postgres) | grep -E '^Name|^Version|^From'
Name : postgresql14
Version : 14.0
From repo : pgdg14
Name : postgresql14-contrib
Version : 14.0
From repo : pgdg14
Name : postgresql14-libs
Version : 14.0
From repo : pgdg14
Name : postgresql14-server
Version : 14.0
From repo : pgdg14

10 | P a g e
If the expected binary packages are not installed, are not the expected versions, or did not
come from an appropriate repo, this is a fail.

Remediation:

Alter the configured repositories so they only include valid and authorized sources of
packages.

As an example of adding an authorized repository, we will install the PGDG repository RPM
from 'yum.postgresql.org' (note that because of a change in the way packaging is handled in
RHEL 8, we also need to disable the Red Hat built-in PostgreSQL module):

# whoami
root
# dnf install -y https://download.postgresql.org/pub/repos/yum/reporpms/EL-8-
x86_64/pgdg-redhat-repo-latest.noarch.rpm
Last metadata expiration check: 0:01:35 ago on Fri 04 Oct 2019 01:19:37 PM
EDT.
[snip]
Installed:
pgdg-redhat-repo-42.0-19.noarch

Complete!
# dnf -qy module disable postgresql

Verify the repository has been added and is enabled:

# whoami
root
# dnf repolist all | egrep 'enabled$'
pgdg-common PostgreSQL common
enabled
pgdg10 PostgreSQL 10 for
enabled
pgdg11 PostgreSQL 11 for
enabled
pgdg12 PostgreSQL 12 for
enabled
pgdg13 PostgreSQL 13 for
enabled
pgdg14 PostgreSQL 14 for
enabled
pgdg96 PostgreSQL 9.6 fo
enabled
rhel-8-for-x86_64-appstream-rpms Red Hat Enterpris
enabled
rhel-8-for-x86_64-baseos-rpms Red Hat Enterpris
enabled

If the version of PostgreSQL installed is not 14.x or they did not come from a valid
repository, the packages may be uninstalled using this command:

11 | P a g e
# whoami
root
# dnf remove $(rpm -qa|grep postgres)

To install the PGDG RPMs for PostgreSQL 14.x, run:

# whoami
root
# dnf install -y postgresql14-{server,contrib}
<snip>
Installed:
lz4-1.8.3-3.el8_4.x86_64 postgresql14-14.0-
1PGDG.rhel8.x86_64
postgresql14-contrib-14.0-1PGDG.rhel8.x86_64 postgresql14-libs-14.0-
1PGDG.rhel8.x86_64
postgresql14-server-14.0-1PGDG.rhel8.x86_64
Complete!

References:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DNF_(software)
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/APT_(software)
3. https://yum.postgresql.org
4. https://apt.postgresql.org

CIS Controls:

Controls
Control IG 1 IG 2 IG 3
Version

2.1 Establish and Maintain a Software Inventory


Establish and maintain a detailed inventory of all licensed software installed on
enterprise assets. The software inventory must document the title, publisher, initial
v8 install/use date, and business purpose for each entry; where appropriate, include the ● ● ●
Uniform Resource Locator (URL), app store(s), version(s), deployment mechanism, and
decommission date. Review and update the software inventory bi-annually, or more
frequently.

2.1 Maintain Inventory of Authorized Software


v7 Maintain an up-to-date list of all authorized software that is required in the ● ● ●
enterprise for any business purpose on any business system.

12 | P a g e
1.2 Ensure systemd Service Files Are Enabled (Automated)
Profile Applicability:

• Level 1 - PostgreSQL on Linux

Description:

Confirm, and correct if necessary, the PostgreSQL systemd service is enabled.

Rationale:

Enabling the systemd service on the OS ensures the database service is active when a
change of state occurs as in the case of a system startup or reboot.

Audit:

The default operating target on systemd-powered operating systems is typically "multi-


user". One confirms the default target by executing the following:

$ whoami
root
$ systemctl get-default
multi-user.target
$ systemctl list-dependencies multi-user.target | grep -i postgres

If the intended PostgreSQL service is not registered as a dependency (or "want") of the
default target (no output for the 3rd command above), this is a fail.

Remediation:

Irrespective of package source, PostgreSQL services can be identified because it typically


includes the text string "postgresql". PGDG installs do not automatically register the service
as a "want" of the default systemd target. Multiple instances of PostgreSQL services often
distinguish themselves using a version number.

# whoami
root
# systemctl enable postgresql-14
Created symlink /etc/systemd/system/multi-user.target.wants/postgresql-
14.service → /usr/lib/systemd/system/postgresql-14.service.
# systemctl list-dependencies multi-user.target | grep -i postgres
● ├─postgresql-14.service

References:

1. https://man7.org/linux/man-pages/man1/systemctl.1.html

13 | P a g e
2. https://www.freedesktop.org/software/systemd/man/systemd.special.html

CIS Controls:

Controls
Control IG 1 IG 2 IG 3
Version

4.1 Establish and Maintain a Secure Configuration Process


Establish and maintain a secure configuration process for enterprise assets (end-
user devices, including portable and mobile, non-computing/IoT devices, and servers)
v8 ● ● ●
and software (operating systems and applications). Review and update documentation
annually, or when significant enterprise changes occur that could impact this
Safeguard.

5.1 Establish Secure Configurations


v7 Maintain documented, standard security configuration standards for all authorized ● ● ●
operating systems and software.

14 | P a g e
1.3 Ensure Data Cluster Initialized Successfully (Automated)
Profile Applicability:

• Level 1 - PostgreSQL on Linux

Description:

First-time installs of PostgreSQL require the instantiation of the database cluster. A


database cluster is a collection of databases that are managed by a single server instance.

Rationale:

For the purposes of security, PostgreSQL enforces ownership and permissions of the data
cluster such that:

• An initialized data cluster is owned by the UNIX account that created it.
• The data cluster cannot be accessed by other UNIX user accounts.
• The data-cluster cannot be created or owned by root
• The PostgreSQL process cannot be invoked by root nor any UNIX user account
other than the owner of the data cluster.

Incorrectly instantiating the data cluster will result in a failed installation.

Audit:

Assuming you are installing the PostgreSQL binary package from the PGDG repository, the
standard method, as root, is to instantiate the cluster thusly:

# whoami
root
# PGSETUP_INITDB_OPTIONS="-k" /usr/pgsql-14/bin/postgresql-14-setup initdb
Initializing database ... OK

A correctly installed data cluster possesses directory permissions similar to the following
example. Otherwise, the service will fail to start:

# whoami
root
# ls -la ~postgres/14
total 8
drwx------. 4 postgres postgres 51 Oct 4 14:01 .
drwx------. 3 postgres postgres 37 Oct 4 13:54 ..
drwx------. 2 postgres postgres 6 Oct 1 06:18 backups
drwx------. 20 postgres postgres 4096 Oct 4 14:01 data
-rw-------. 1 postgres postgres 923 Oct 4 14:01 initdb.log

15 | P a g e
You can verify the PGDATA has sane permissions and attributes by running:

# whoami
postgres
# /usr/pgsql-14/bin/postgresql-14-check-db-dir ~postgres/14/data
# echo $?
0

As long as the return code is zero(0), as shown, everything is fine.

Remediation:

Attempting to instantiate a data cluster to an existing non-empty directory will fail:

# whoami
root
# PGSETUP_INITDB_OPTIONS="-k" /usr/pgsql-14/bin/postgresql-14-setup initdb
Data directory is not empty!

In the case of a cluster instantiation failure, one must delete/remove the entire data cluster
directory and repeat the initdb command:

# whoami
root
# rm -rf ~postgres/14
# PGSETUP_INITDB_OPTIONS="-k" /usr/pgsql-13/bin/postgresql-13-setup initdb
Initializing database ... OK

References:

1. https://www.postgresql.org/docs/current/app-initdb.html

CIS Controls:

Controls
Control IG 1 IG 2 IG 3
Version

3.3 Configure Data Access Control Lists


Configure data access control lists based on a user’s need to know. Apply data
v8 ● ● ●
access control lists, also known as access permissions, to local and remote file systems,
databases, and applications.

14.6 Protect Information through Access Control Lists


Protect all information stored on systems with file system, network share, claims,
v7 application, or database specific access control lists. These controls will enforce the ● ● ●
principle that only authorized individuals should have access to the information based
on their need to access the information as a part of their responsibilities.

16 | P a g e
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office, took my place back of the desk and waited for the procession
to begin.
The name of the planet was MacTavish IV (if you went by the official
Terran listing) or Ghryne (if you called it by what its people were
accustomed to calling it). I thought of it privately as MacTavish IV
and referred to it publicly as Ghryne. I believe in keeping the locals
happy wherever I go.
Through the front window of the office, I could see our big gay
tridim sign plastered to a facing wall: WANTED—
EXTRATERRESTRIALS! We had saturated MacTavish IV with our
promotional poop for a month preceding arrival. Stuff like this:
Want to visit Earth—see the Galaxy's most glittering and
exclusive world? Want to draw good pay, work short
hours, experience the thrills of show business on romantic
Terra? If you are a non-terrestrial, there may be a place
for you in the Corrigan Institute of Morphological Science.
No freaks wanted—normal beings only. J. F. Corrigan will
hold interviews in person on Ghryne from Thirdday to
Fifthday of Tenmonth. His last visit to the Caledonia
Cluster until 2937, so don't miss your chance! Hurry! A life
of wonder and riches can be yours!

Broadsides like that, distributed wholesale in half a thousand


languages, always bring them running. And the Corrigan Institute
really packs in the crowds back on Earth. Why not? It's the best of
its kind, the only really decent place where Earthmen can get a
gander at the other species of the universe.
The office buzzer sounded. Auchinleck said unctuously, "The first
applicant is ready to see you, sir."
"Send him, her or it in."
The door opened and a timid-looking life-form advanced toward me
on nervous little legs. He was a globular creature about the size of a
big basketball, yellowish-green, with two spindly double-kneed legs
and five double-elbowed arms, the latter spaced regularly around his
body. There was a lidless eye at the top of his head and five lidded
ones, one above each arm. Plus a big, gaping, toothless mouth.
His voice was a surprisingly resounding basso. "You are Mr.
Corrigan?"
"That's right." I reached for a data blank. "Before we begin, I'll need
certain information about—"
"I am a being of Regulus II," came the grave, booming reply, even
before I had picked up the blank. "I need no special care and I am
not a fugitive from the law of any world."
"Your name?"
"Lawrence R. Fitzgerald."
I throttled my exclamation of surprise, concealing it behind a quick
cough. "Let me have that again, please?"
"Certainly. My name is Lawrence R. Fitzgerald. The 'R' stands for
Raymond."
"Of course, that's not the name you were born with."
The being closed his eyes and toddled around in a 360-degree
rotation, remaining in place. On his world, that gesture is the
equivalent of an apologetic smile. "My Regulan name no longer
matters. I am now and shall evermore be Lawrence R. Fitzgerald. I
am a Terraphile, you see."

The little Regulan was as good as hired. Only the formalities


remained. "You understand our terms, Mr. Fitzgerald?"
"I'll be placed on exhibition at your Institute on Earth. You'll pay for
my services, transportation and expenses. I'll be required to remain
on exhibit no more than one-third of each Terran sidereal day."
"And the pay will be—ah—$50 Galactic a week, plus expenses and
transportation."
The spherical creature clapped his hands in joy, three hands clapping
on one side, two on the other. "Wonderful! I will see Earth at last! I
accept the terms!"
I buzzed for Ludlow and gave him the fast signal that meant we
were signing this alien up at half the usual pay, and Ludlow took him
into the other office to sign him up.
I grinned, pleased with myself. We needed a green Regulan in our
show; the last one had quit four years ago. But just because we
needed him didn't mean we had to be extravagant in hiring him. A
Terraphile alien who goes to the extent of rechristening himself with
a Terran monicker would work for nothing, or even pay us, just so
long as we let him get to Earth. My conscience won't let me really
exploit a being, but I don't believe in throwing money away, either.
The next applicant was a beefy ursinoid from Aldebaran IX. Our
outfit has all the ursinoids it needs or is likely to need in the next
few decades, and so I got rid of him in a couple of minutes. He was
followed by a roly-poly blue-skinned humanoid from Donovan's
Planet, four feet high and five hundred pounds heavy. We already
had a couple of his species in the show, but they made good crowd-
pleasers, being so plump and cheerful. I passed him along to
Auchinleck to sign at anything short of top rate.
Next came a bedraggled Sirian spider who was more interested in a
handout than a job. If there's any species we have a real over-
supply of, it's those silver-colored spiders, but this seedy specimen
gave it a try anyway. He got the gate in half a minute, and he didn't
even get the handout he was angling for. I don't approve of begging.
The flora of applicants was steady. Ghryne is in the heart of the
Caledonia Cluster, where the interstellar crossroads meet. We had
figured to pick up plenty of new exhibits here and we were right.

It was the isolationism of the late 29th century that turned me into
the successful proprietor of Corrigan's Institute, after some years as
an impoverished carnival man in the Betelgeuse system. Back in
2903, the World Congress declared Terra off-bounds for non-
terrestrial beings, as an offshoot of the Terra for Terrans movement.
Before then, anyone could visit Earth. After the gate clanged down,
a non-terrestrial could only get onto Sol III as a specimen in a
scientific collection—in short, as an exhibit in a zoo.
That's what the Corrigan Institute of Morphological Science really is,
of course. A zoo. But we don't go out and hunt for our specimens;
we advertise and they come flocking to us. Every alien wants to see
Earth once in his lifetime, and there's only one way he can do it.
We don't keep too big an inventory. At last count, we had 690
specimens before this trip, representing 298 different intelligent life-
forms. My goal is at least one member of at least 500 different
races. When I reach that, I'll sit back and let the competition catch
up—if it can.
After an hour of steady work that morning, we had signed eleven
new specimens. At the same time, we had turned away a dozen
ursinoids, fifty of the reptilian natives of Ghryne, seven Sirian
spiders, and no less than nineteen chlorine-breathing Procyonites
wearing gas masks.
It was also my sad duty to nix a Vegan who was negotiating through
a Ghrynian agent. A Vegan would be a top-flight attraction, being
some 400 feet long and appropriately fearsome to the eye, but I
didn't see how we could take one on. They're gentle and likable
beings, but their upkeep runs into literally tons of fresh meat a day,
and not just any old kind of meat either. So we had to do without
the Vegan.
"One more specimen before lunch," I told Stebbins, "to make it an
even dozen."
He looked at me queerly and nodded. A being entered. I took a long
close look at the life-form when it came in, and after that I took
another one. I wondered what kind of stunt was being pulled. So far
as I could tell, the being was quite plainly nothing but an Earthman.
He sat down facing me without being asked and crossed his legs. He
was tall and extremely thin, with pale blue eyes and dirty-blond hair,
and though he was clean and reasonably well dressed, he had a
shabby look about him. He said, in level Terran accents, "I'm looking
for a job with your outfit, Corrigan."
"There's been a mistake. We're interested in non-terrestrials only."
"I'm a non-terrestrial. My name is Ildwar Gorb, of the planet
Wazzenazz XIII."

I don't mind conning the public from time to time, but I draw the
line at getting bilked myself. "Look, friend, I'm busy, and I'm not
known for my sense of humor. Or my generosity."
"I'm not panhandling. I'm looking for a job."
"Then try elsewhere. Suppose you stop wasting my time, bud. You're
as Earthborn as I am."
"I've never been within a dozen parsecs of Earth," he said smoothly.
"I happen to be a representative of the only Earthlike race that
exists anywhere in the Galaxy but on Earth itself. Wazzenazz XIII is a
small and little-known planet in the Crab Nebula. Through an
evolutionary fluke, my race is identical with yours. Now, don't you
want me in your circus?"
"No. And it's not a circus. It's—"
"A scientific institute. I stand corrected."
There was something glib and appealing about this preposterous
phony. I guess I recognized a kindred spirit or I would have tossed
him out on his ear without another word. Instead I played along. "If
you're from such a distant place, how come you speak English so
well?"
"I'm not speaking. I'm a telepath—not the kind that reads minds,
just the kind that projects. I communicate in symbols that you
translate back to colloquial speech."
"Very clever, Mr. Gorb." I grinned at him and shook my head. "You
spin a good yarn—but for my money, you're really Sam Jones or Phil
Smith from Earth, stranded here and out of cash. You want a free
trip back to Earth. No deal. The demand for beings from Wazzenazz
XIII is pretty low these days. Zero, in fact. Good-by, Mr. Gorb."
He pointed a finger squarely at me and said, "You're making a big
mistake. I'm just what your outfit needs. A representative of a
hitherto utterly unknown race identical to humanity in every respect!
Look here, examine my teeth. Absolutely like human teeth! And—"
I pulled away from his yawning mouth. "Good-by, Mr. Gorb," I
repeated.
"All I ask is a contract, Corrigan. It isn't much. I'll be a big attraction.
I'll—"
"Good-by, Mr. Gorb!"
He glowered at me reproachfully for a moment, stood up and
sauntered to the door. "I thought you were a man of acumen,
Corrigan. Well, think it over. Maybe you'll regret your hastiness. I'll
be back to give you another chance."
He slammed the door and I let my grim expression relax into a
smile. This was the best con switch yet—an Earthman posing as an
alien to get a job!
But I wasn't buying it, even if I could appreciate his cleverness
intellectually. There's no such place as Wazzenazz XIII and there's
only one human race in the Galaxy—on Earth. I was going to need
some real good reason before I gave a down-and-out grifter a free
ticket home.
I didn't know it then, but before the day was out, I would have that
reason. And, with it, plenty of trouble on my hands.

The first harbinger of woe turned up after lunch in the person of a


Kallerian. The Kallerian was the sixth applicant that afternoon. I had
turned away three more ursinoids, hired a vegetable from Miazan,
and said no to a scaly pseudo-armadillo from one of the Delta
Worlds. Hardly had the 'dillo scuttled dejectedly out of my office
when the Kallerian came striding in, not even waiting for Stebbins to
admit him officially.
He was big even for his kind—in the neighborhood of nine feet high,
and getting on toward a ton. He planted himself firmly on his three
stocky feet, extended his massive arms in a Kallerian greeting-
gesture, and growled, "I am Vallo Heraal, Freeman of Kaller IV. You
will sign me immediately to a contract."
"Sit down, Freeman Heraal. I like to make my own decisions,
thanks."
"You will grant me a contract!"
"Will you please sit down?"
He said sulkily, "I will remain standing."
"As you prefer." My desk has a few concealed features which are
sometimes useful in dealing with belligerent or disappointed life-
forms. My fingers roamed to the meshgun trigger, just in case of
trouble.
The Kallerian stood motionless before me. They're hairy creatures,
and this one had a coarse, thick mat of blue fur completely covering
his body. Two fierce eyes glimmered out through the otherwise
dense blanket of fur. He was wearing the kilt, girdle and ceremonial
blaster of his warlike race.
I said, "You'll have to understand, Freeman Heraal, that it's not our
policy to maintain more than a few members of each species at our
Institute. And we're not currently in need of any Kallerian males,
because—"
"You will hire me or trouble I will make!"
I opened our inventory chart. I showed him that we were already
carrying four Kallerians, and that was more than plenty.
The beady little eyes flashed like beacons in the fur. "Yes, you have
four representatives—of the Clan Verdrokh! None of the Clan
Gursdrinn! For three years, I have waited for a chance to avenge this
insult to the noble Clan Gursdrinn!"
At the key-word avenge, I readied myself to ensnarl the Kallerian in
a spume of tanglemesh the instant he went for his blaster, but he
didn't move. He bellowed, "I have vowed a vow, Earthman. Take me
to Earth, enroll a Gursdrinn, or the consequences will be terrible!"
I'm a man of principles, like all straightforward double-dealers, and
one of the most important of those principles is that I never let
myself be bullied by anyone. "I deeply regret having unintentionally
insulted your clan, Freeman Heraal. Will you accept my apologies?"
He glared at me in silence.
I went on, "Please be assured that I'll undo the insult at the earliest
possible opportunity. It's not feasible for us to hire another Kallerian
now, but I'll give preference to the Clan Gursdrinn as soon as a
vacancy—"
"No. You will hire me now."
"It can't be done, Freeman Heraal. We have a budget, and we stick
to it."
"You will rue! I will take drastic measures!"
"Threats will get you nowhere, Freeman Heraal. I give you my word
I'll get in touch with you as soon as our organization has room for
another Kallerian. And now, please, there are many applicants
waiting—"
You'd think it would be sort of humiliating to become a specimen in
a zoo, but most of these races take it as an honor. And there's
always the chance that, by picking a given member of a race, we're
insulting all the others.
I nudged the trouble-button on the side of my desk and Auchinleck
and Ludlow appeared simultaneously from the two doors at right
and left. They surrounded the towering Kallerian and sweet-talkingly
led him away. He wasn't minded to quarrel physically, or he could
have knocked them both into the next city with a backhand swipe of
his shaggy paw, but he kept up a growling flow of invective and
threats until he was out in the hall.
I mopped sweat from my forehead and began to buzz Stebbins for
the next applicant. But before my finger touched the button, the
door popped open and a small being came scooting in, followed by
an angry Stebbins.
"Come here, you!"
"Stebbins?" I said gently.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Corrigan. I lost sight of this one for a moment, and he
came running in—"
"Please, please," squeaked the little alien pitifully. "I must see you,
honored sir!"
"It isn't his turn in line," Stebbins protested. "There are at least fifty
ahead of him."
"All right," I said tiredly. "As long as he's in here already, I might as
well see him. Be more careful next time, Stebbins."
Stebbins nodded dolefully and backed out.

The alien was a pathetic sight: a Stortulian, a squirrely-looking


creature about three feet high. His fur, which should have been a
lustrous black, was a dull gray, and his eyes were wet and sad. His
tail drooped. His voice was little more than a faint whimper, even at
full volume.
"Begging your most honored pardon most humbly, important sir. I
am a being of Stortul XII, having sold my last few possessions to
travel to Ghryne for the miserable purpose of obtaining an interview
with yourself."
I said, "I'd better tell you right at the outset that we're already
carrying our full complement of Stortulians. We have both a male
and a female now and—"
"This is known to me. The female—is her name perchance Tiress?"
I glanced down at the inventory chart until I found the Stortulian
entry. "Yes, that's her name."
The little being immediately emitted a soul-shaking gasp. "It is she!
It is she!"
"I'm afraid we don't have room for any more—"
"You are not in full understanding of my plight. The female Tiress,
she is—was—my own Fire-sent spouse, my comfort and my warmth,
my life and my love."
"Funny," I said. "When we signed her three years ago, she said she
was single. It's right here on the chart."
"She lied! She left my burrow because she longed to see the
splendors of Earth. And I am alone, bound by our sacred customs
never to remarry, languishing in sadness and pining for her return.
You must take me to Earth!"
"But—"
"I must see her—her and this disgrace-bringing lover of hers. I must
reason with her. Earthman, can't you see I must appeal to her inner
flame? I must bring her back!"
My face was expressionless. "You don't really intend to join our
organization at all—you just want free passage to Earth?"
"Yes, yes!" wailed the Stortulian. "Find some other member of my
race, if you must! Let me have my wife again, Earthman! Is your
heart a dead lump of stone?"

It isn't, but another of my principles is to refuse to be swayed by


sentiment. I felt sorry for this being's domestic troubles, but I wasn't
going to break up a good act just to make an alien squirrel happy—
not to mention footing the transportation.
I said, "I don't see how we can manage it. The laws are very strict
on the subject of bringing alien life to Earth. It has to be for
scientific purposes only. And if I know in advance that your purpose
in coming isn't scientific, I can't in all conscience lie for you, can I?"
"Well—"
"Of course not." I took advantage of his pathetic upset to steam
right along. "Now if you had come in here and simply asked me to
sign you up, I might conceivably have done it. But no—you had to
go unburden your heart to me."
"I thought the truth would move you."
"It did. But in effect you're now asking me to conspire in a
fraudulent criminal act. Friend, I can't do it. My reputation means
too much to me," I said piously.
"Then you will refuse me?"
"My heart melts to nothingness for you. But I can't take you to
Earth."
"Perhaps you will send my wife to me here?"
There's a clause in every contract that allows me to jettison an
unwanted specimen. All I have to do is declare it no longer of
scientific interest, and the World Government will deport the
undesirable alien back to its home world. But I wouldn't pull a low
trick like that on our female Stortulian.
I said, "I'll ask her about coming home. But I won't ship her back
against her will. And maybe she's happier where she is."
The Stortulian seemed to shrivel. His eyelids closed half-way to mask
his tears. He turned and shambled slowly to the door, walking like a
living dishrag. In a bleak voice, he said, "There is no hope then. All
is lost. I will never see my soulmate again. Good day, Earthman."
He spoke in a drab monotone that almost, but not quite, had me
weeping. I watched him shuffle out. I do have some conscience, and
I had the uneasy feeling I had just been talking to a being who was
about to commit suicide on my account.

About fifty more applicants were processed without a hitch. Then life
started to get complicated again.
Nine of the fifty were okay. The rest were unacceptable for one
reason or another, and they took the bad news quietly enough. The
haul for the day so far was close to two dozen new life-forms under
contract.
I had just about begun to forget about the incidents of the
Kallerian's outraged pride and the Stortulian's flighty wife when the
door opened and the Earthman who called himself Ildwar Gorb of
Wazzenazz XIII stepped in.
"How did you get in here?" I demanded.
"Your man happened to be looking the wrong way," he said cheerily.
"Change your mind about me yet?"
"Get out before I have you thrown out."
Gorb shrugged. "I figured you hadn't changed your mind, so I've
changed my pitch a bit. If you won't believe I'm from Wazzenazz
XIII, suppose I tell you that I am Earthborn, and that I'm looking for
a job on your staff."
"I don't care what your story is! Get out or—"
"—you'll have me thrown out. Okay, okay. Just give me half a
second. Corrigan, you're no fool, and neither am I—but that fellow
of yours outside is. He doesn't know how to handle alien beings.
How many times today has a life-form come in here unexpectedly?"
I scowled at him. "Too damn many."
"You see? He's incompetent. Suppose you fire him, take me on
instead. I've been living in the outworlds half my life; I know all
there is to know about alien life-forms. You can use me, Corrigan."
I took a deep breath and glanced all around the paneled ceiling of
the office before I spoke. "Listen, Gorb, or whatever your name is,
I've had a hard day. There's been a Kallerian in here who just about
threatened murder, and there's been a Stortulian in here who's
about to commit suicide because of me. I have a conscience and it's
troubling me. But get this: I just want to finish off my recruiting,
pack up and go home to Earth. I don't want you hanging around
here bothering me. I'm not looking to hire new staff members, and if
you switch back to claiming you're an unknown life-form from
Wazzenazz XIII, the answer is that I'm not looking for any of those
either. Now will you scram or—"
The office door crashed open at that point and Heraal, the Kallerian,
came thundering in. He was dressed from head to toe in glittering
metalfoil, and instead of his ceremonial blaster, he was wielding a
sword the length of a human being. Stebbins and Auchinleck came
dragging helplessly along in his wake, hanging desperately to his
belt.
"Sorry, Chief," Stebbins gasped. "I tried to keep him out, but—"
Heraal, who had planted himself in front of my desk, drowned him
out with a roar. "Earthman, you have mortally insulted the Clan
Gursdrinn!"

Sitting with my hands poised near the meshgun trigger, I was ready
to let him have it at the first sight of actual violence.
Heraal boomed, "You are responsible for what is to happen now. I
have notified the authorities and you prosecuted will be for causing
the death of a life-form! Suffer, Earthborn ape! Suffer!"
"Watch it, Chief," Stebbins yelled. "He's going to—"
An instant before my numb fingers could tighten on the meshgun
trigger, Heraal swung that huge sword through the air and plunged it
savagely through his body. He toppled forward onto the carpet with
the sword projecting a couple of feet out of his back. A few driblets
of bluish-purple blood spread from beneath him.
Before I could react to the big life-form's hara-kiri, the office door
flew open again and three sleek reptilian beings entered, garbed in
the green sashes of the local police force. Their golden eyes goggled
down at the figure on the floor, then came to rest on me.
"You are J. F. Corrigan?" the leader asked.
"Y-yes."
"We have received word of a complaint against you. Said complaint
being—"
"—that your unethical actions have directly contributed to the
untimely death of an intelligent life-form," filled in the second of the
Ghrynian policemen.
"The evidence lies before us," intoned the leader, "in the cadaver of
the unfortunate Kallerian who filed the complaint with us several
minutes ago."
"And therefore," said the third lizard, "it is our duty to arrest you for
this crime and declare you subject to a fine of no less than $100,000
Galactic or two years in prison."
"Hold on!" I stormed. "You mean that any being from anywhere in
the Universe can come in here and gut himself on my carpet, and
I'm responsible?"
"This is the law. Do you deny that your stubborn refusal to yield to
this late life-form's request lies at the root of his sad demise?"
"Well, no, but—"
"Failure to deny is admission of guilt. You are guilty, Earthman."

Closing my eyes wearily, I tried to wish the whole babbling lot of


them away. If I had to, I could pony up the hundred-grand fine, but
it was going to put an awful dent in this year's take. And I
shuddered when I remembered that any minute that scrawny little
Stortulian was likely to come bursting in here to kill himself too. Was
it a fine of $100,000 per suicide? At that rate, I could be out of
business by nightfall.
I was spared further such morbid thoughts by yet another
unannounced arrival.
The small figure of the Stortulian trudged through the open doorway
and stationed itself limply near the threshold. The three Ghrynian
policemen and my three assistants forgot the dead Kallerian for a
moment and turned to eye the newcomer.
I had visions of unending troubles with the law here on Ghryne. I
resolved never to come here on a recruiting trip again—or, if I did
come, to figure out some more effective way of screening myself
against crackpots.
In heart-rending tones, the Stortulian declared, "Life is no longer
worth living. My last hope is gone. There is only one thing left for
me to do."
I was quivering at the thought of another hundred thousand
smackers going down the drain. "Stop him, somebody! He's going to
kill himself! He's—"
Then somebody sprinted toward me, hit me amidships, and knocked
me flying out from behind my desk before I had a chance to fire the
meshgun. My head walloped the floor, and for five or six seconds, I
guess I wasn't fully aware of what was going on.
Gradually the scene took shape around me. There was a monstrous
hole in the wall behind my desk; a smoking blaster lay on the floor,
and I saw the three Ghrynian policemen sitting on the raving
Stortulian. The man who called himself Ildwar Gorb was getting to
his feet and dusting himself off.
He helped me up. "Sorry to have had to tackle you, Corrigan. But
that Stortulian wasn't here to commit suicide, you see. He was out
to get you."
I weaved dizzily toward my desk and dropped into my chair. A flying
fragment of wall had deflated my pneumatic cushion. The smell of
ashed plaster was everywhere. The police were effectively cocooning
the struggling little alien in an unbreakable tanglemesh.
"Evidently you don't know as much as you think you do about
Stortulian psychology, Corrigan," Gorb said lightly. "Suicide is
completely abhorrent to them. When they're troubled, they kill the
person who caused their trouble. In this case, you."

I began to chuckle—more of a tension-relieving snicker than a full-


bodied laugh.
"Funny," I said.
"What is?" asked the self-styled Wazzenazzian.
"These aliens. Big blustery Heraal came in with murder in his eye
and killed himself, and the pint-sized Stortulian who looked so meek
and pathetic damn near blew my head off." I shuddered. "Thanks for
the tackle job."
"Don't mention it," Gorb said.
I glared at the Ghrynian police. "Well? What are you waiting for?
Take that murderous little beast out of here! Or isn't murder against
the local laws?"
"The Stortulian will be duly punished," replied the leader of the
Ghrynian cops calmly. "But there is the matter of the dead Kallerian
and the fine of—"
"—one hundred thousand dollars. I know." I groaned and turned to
Stebbins. "Get the Terran Consulate on the phone, Stebbins. Have
them send down a legal adviser. Find out if there's any way we can
get out of this mess with our skins intact."
"Right, Chief." Stebbins moved toward the visiphone.
Gorb stepped forward and put a hand on his chest.
"Hold it," the Wazzenazzian said crisply. "The Consulate can't help
you. I can."
"You?" I said.
"I can get you out of this cheap."
"How cheap?"
Gorb grinned rakishly. "Five thousand in cash plus a contract as a
specimen with your outfit. In advance, of course. That's a heck of a
lot better than forking over a hundred grand, isn't it?"
I eyed Gorb uncertainly. The Terran Consulate people probably
wouldn't be much help; they tried to keep out of local squabbles
unless they were really serious, and I knew from past experiences
that no officials ever worried much about the state of my
pocketbook. On the other hand, giving this slyster a contract might
be a risky proposition.
"Tell you what," I said finally. "You've got yourself a deal—but on a
contingency basis. Get me out of this and you'll have five grand and
the contract. Otherwise, nothing."
Gorb shrugged. "What have I to lose?"

Before the police could interfere, Gorb trotted over to the hulking
corpse of the Kallerian and fetched it a mighty kick.
"Wake up, you faker! Stop playing possum and stand up! You aren't
fooling anyone!"
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