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Writing Assessment 1

The bar chart presents the enrollment of British and international students in computer science at a UK university from 2010 to 2012, categorized by gender. Overall, British students consistently outnumbered international students, although the gap narrowed over the years, particularly among male students. Female enrollment showed a contrasting trend, with international female students increasing significantly while British female enrollment declined.

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15 views4 pages

Writing Assessment 1

The bar chart presents the enrollment of British and international students in computer science at a UK university from 2010 to 2012, categorized by gender. Overall, British students consistently outnumbered international students, although the gap narrowed over the years, particularly among male students. Female enrollment showed a contrasting trend, with international female students increasing significantly while British female enrollment declined.

Uploaded by

Abc 194748
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Topic: THE BAR CHART BELOW GIVES INFORMATION

ABOUT THE NUMBER OF STUDENTS STUDYING


COMPUTER SCIENCE AT A UK university between 2010 and
2012. Summarise the info by selecting the main features, and
making comparisons where relevant.

Overall Band Score:


7.5

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes:
0

Vocabulary Repetition:
students: 9
number: 6
british: 5
international: 4
female: 3
foreign: 3
----Corrected Writing----
Original Corrected

The bar chart illustrates the number of The bar chart illustrates the number of
British and international students who British and international students who
were enrolled in computer science at a were enrolled in computer science at a
university in the UK between 2010 and university in the UK between 2010 and
2012. The data were divided into male 2012. The data were divided into male
and female categories. and female categories.

Overall, it is evident that the number of Overall, it is evident that the number of
British students, both male and female, British students, both male and female,
exceeded the number of international exceeded the number of international
students. Foreign females were less students. Foreign females were less
likely to enroll in this course in all three likely to enroll in this course in all three
years. years.

First, in 2010, 40 British male students First, in 2010, 40 British male students
enrolled in computer science, which is enrolled in computer science, which is
twice as many as the number of twice as many as the number of
international male students. In the international male students. In the
following year, this gap became smaller, following year, this gap became smaller,
with almost 23 students from each with almost 23 students from each
group joining the class. In 2012, the group joining the class. In 2012, the
number of students almost doubled, but number of students almost doubled, but
the gap between the groups remained the gap between the groups remained
small, with 42 British and 39 foreign small, with 42 British and 39 foreign
students. students.
On the other hand, in 2010, the number On the other hand, in 2010, the number
of female students showed a similar of female students showed a similar
pattern to that seen in the male group, pattern to that seen in the male group,
with just over 30 British women with just over 30 British women
compared to 15 foreign women. In 2011 compared to 15 foreign women. In 2011
and 2012, the figures were nearly the and 2012, the figures were nearly the
same, with 44 national students and 20 same, with 44 national students and 20
international ones. international ones.

Word Count: 185 Word Count: 185

----Feedback----
Task Response Coherence & Lexical Resource Grammatical
Cohesion Range &
Accuracy
7 7 6.5 9

The report The report is well- The report uses a The grammar and
adequately organized and range of punctuation are
addresses the task easy to follow. The vocabulary accurate and used
by summarizing paragraphs are accurately and appropriately
the main features logically appropriately. throughout the
and making structured, and the However, there is report.
comparisons. information flows room for more
However, there are smoothly. sophisticated word
some minor choices in some
inaccuracies in the instances. Pay
data interpretation. attention to
vocabulary
repetition to
improve the overall
score.

Enhanced report

The provided bar chart delineates the enrollment of British and


international students in computer science courses at a UK
university from 2010 to 2012, segmented by gender.

Overall, the data indicates a predominance of British students in


both genders over the three-year period, with international
female students exhibiting consistently lower numbers in
comparison.

In the male demographic, the enrollment figures reveal a


substantial initial lead for British students in 2010, with
approximately 17 British students compared to around 43
international students. By 2011, British male enrollment slightly
increased to approximately 20, while the number of international
male students decreased to about 27. A notable shift occurred in
2012, where the enrollment of British male students dropped to
roughly 12 and international male students rose to about 42,
signifying a transition in preference towards international
students over the analysis period.

Conversely, the data for female students portray a markedly


different scenario. In 2010, approximately 20 British women were
enrolled in the program, in contrast to around 15 international
female students. The figures for 2011 indicated a modest increase
for both demographics, with British females rising to about 22 and
international females to approximately 23. However, by 2012,
while British female enrollment experienced a decline to roughly
13, international female students surged to about 36, reflecting
an increasing trend among foreign students, which starkly
contrasts with the trajectory of their British counterparts.

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