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 Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Copeland, David.
How to succeed with women / David Copeland, Ron Louis.

Introduction
p. cm,
ISBN 0-13-095091-2 (hardcover). — ISBN 0-7352-0030-0 (pbk.)
1. Dating (Social customs)—United States. 2. Women—United
State—Psychology. 3, Man-woman relationships—United States.
I. Louis, Ron. II. Tide,
HQ801.C716 1998
646.7'7—dc21 98-27038
CIP

© 1998 by Reward Books

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any
means, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

10987

We were no different than you might be. Our relationships with

ISBN 0-13-095091-2 (hardcover) ISBN 0-7352-0030-0 (pbk.)
women were dependent upon two things: luck and the whim of
women who happened to be attracted to us. When either of us had
sex, it was because we quite literally "got lucky," and a woman decid-
ATTENTION: CORPORATIONS AND SCHOOLS ed to have us. We had little choice or power over when we had sex
Reward books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational,
business, or sales promotional use. For information, please write to Prentice Hall Special
and relationships and what women we had those interactions with.
Sales, 240 Frisch Court, Paramus, NJ 07652. Please supply- title of book, ISBN number, Sex and relationships, it seemed, were a crap-shoot. Perhaps we'd
quantity, how the book will be used, date needed. meet someone, perhaps we wouldn't. Needless to say, we got tired of
it.
Finally, we decided that we would do whatever it took to find
out what worked with women. We wanted to know how to seduce
women and more—we wanted to know how to develop relation-
ships with women that would be fulfilling for both us and them.
That was five years ago. We set out dating as much as we could
and comparing notes after each and every interaction with women.
Looking back, many of our interactions with women seemed
REWARD BOOKS unskilled or even laughable to us now, but we stuck with it through
Paramus, NJ 07652 the failures, frustrations, and successes. We found that as we kept at
it and kept working together, we began to see the underlying struc-
tures of successful dating interactions. We found that we could start
to predict how interactions would go and how certain women would

111
 IV / Introduction
Introduction / V
respond to us. We began to take our interactions with women less
seriously and to have more fun. We started to see how most of our read it. Pretend what we are saying is true and try it out, at least for
problems with women had been generated by our own behavior. We a while, and see how something new works for you. After all, if you
began to develop the set of principles that has evolved into this book. already know everything about success with women and have exact-
Now we know that we can have as many women as we desire ly the sex life you want, why are you reading this book?
simply by using the technology outlined in this book. For instance, Have a "study partner." Do you know why, on the average,
we understand the messages we send to women through our per- Asian students get better grades than non-Asian students?
sonal styles (Chapter Three) and how to make those messages as According to the experts who study this kind of thing, it is not
seductive as possible, we know how to get women to naturally think because they are inherently smarter. It is because they are much
of us as possible romantic material when they first meet us, rather more likely to study together than alone. Students who study with
than relegating us to the role of "friends" (Chapter Two). We know other students master the material faster, have more fun, and get
how to flirt successfully and how to use that flirting to get the first better grades than students who study alone. You would do well to
date (Chapter Five). We know how to take a coffee date (Chapter take advantage of this principle.
Seven) and make it into a full blown seduction (Chapter Eight). We If you know another man who you can study seduction with,
know how to go for the first kiss—and more (Chapter Nine). We then by all means study with him. You can discuss the chapters and
know how to handle problems when they arise (Chapter Eleven), the ideas together and egg each other on to try out the techniques
how to develop a relationship (Chapters Twelve and Fourteen), and that we will teach you. A study partner can be someone to get
how to cut one off effectively (Chapter Thirteen). Our lives with pumped up with before an interaction with a woman and someone
women are much easier and more successful than they ever were to debrief with after. He will be able to give you feedback and
before, simply from using these techniques. coaching on e-mail you send to women, love letters you write, and
Over the course of writing this book, we often found ourselves how to handle the variety of experiences you will have with women
saying to each other, "If only I'd had this book ten years ago I'd have once you start using your program. He will be able to celebrate your
made so many fewer mistakes!" This book contains a program that successes with you and help you quickly get over your disappoint-
can change your life with women, forever. To get the most out of ments.
you may want to take on the following practices; It worked for us. We developed the material in this book by
Be coachable. It won't do you a bit of good to read this book if working together. We were able to master the various distinctions
you go through the entire thing rejecting everything we say before faster through our conversations, and we were able to learn from
you have even tried it out. Of course, you will inevitably disagree each other's experiences.
with some of the things that we tell you to do or when we explain The only trick of this is to find the right guy to work with. He
what has worked for us or our students. But, don't worry about it. needs to be someone you can kick back and have a good time with,
Think of us as your personal dating coaches. Part of a coach's who won't be offended by the idea of studying ways to romance
job is to push you into trying something new. Imagine a profession- women. He should not be a blabbermouth. If he tells everyone that
albasketball player who argues with his coach every time the coach you are studying seduction, he is likely to put off women you might
tried to teach him a new move or critiques his performance. The want to seduce. You do not need to be overly secretive, but no use-
player would fight a lot and get nowhere. As a man being coached, ful purpose is served by telling everyone. You will find that having
you have to be willing to set aside what you know to be true and to someone to work with you while studying this material, although not
try out something different once in a while. So, if you want to get the essential, will help you quite a bit.
most out of this book, don't run mental arguments with us as you Write in this book! We know that you were probably taught to
never write in a book. To this we way fiddlesticks! Feel free to cus-

I
 vi I Introduction

tomize this book to make it work best for you. Underline things you
think are important and take notes in the margins of ideas or ques-
tions you might have. This will help your retention of the material
substantially and make it easier to find parts that you may want to
refer back to later.
We have learned that good intentions and being a good guy are
not enough. These qualities are important, but, by themselves, they
Contents
almost never generate romance with a woman. If you are gong
to have success with women, you must be able to create romantic
structures. You must be able to intentionally create interactions, con-
versations, events, dates, and moments that, by their very nature,
make women feel romantic feelings and think romantic thoughts
about von. Sometimes these structures just happen, but, with a little
know-how, you can insure that they happen consistently and with
the women you desire. You must know how to construct them.
Fundamentally teaching you to do just that is what this book is

Remember, dating is a game. It is an important game, but it is

a game. All games are frustrating when you are first learning the Introduction 111
rules, and dating is no different. But, like other games, dating
becomes fun as you master it. Stick with it through the first few tries
and the possible confusion. Keep at it, and it will become fun. chapter one ... 1
Much of the material in this book comes from questions we
have received from our students. We have been conducting individ- So You Want Success with Women
ual coaching sessions and courses for the past few years. If you find What This Book Will Teach You 3
the material in this book useful, you, too, can participate directly The Seven Dating Myths 6
with us, the masters of seduction. To get in touch with us, e-mail us
[email protected].
chapter t w o . . . 15
The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective Seducers
Understanding Women's Biggest Fear 15
You Can Be a Nerd and Still Score 16
It's Not Rocket Science 18
You've Got What It Takes 20
"It's an Attitude" 22

vii
 i I Contents
Contents /
We Learned the Hard Way 23
Modeling Successful Seducers 24 chapter four... 99
The Habits of a Highly Successful Seducer 25
Where the Girls Are;
chapter three... Meeting Women for Sex
55 and Relationships
Elements of Style:
mm Dress and Confidence The Four Excuses That Keep You From
Meeting Women 108
Why Have Personal Style? 58 Lessons from the Master 111
Defining Your Style 59 The Four Easiest Places to Meet Women 119
The Commitments of Style 60 The Nine Secret Places to Meet Women 121
What You Say With How You Dress 61 Babe Bait: Gimmicks That Make Women Want
Women Do It! 62 to Meet You 129
The Three Helpers That Make You Look Better 63
The Four Rules of Clothing 64 chapter five... 139
The 13-Point Body Makeover for Being Attractive
to Women 66 Flirting Without Disaster
Details— The key to Women's Hearts (And Pants) 73 So You've Found the Women to Talk to:
What If You Are Fat and Out of Shape, or Ugly? 76 Now How Do You Do It? 139
Three Ways to Make Your Car into a Rolling Seduction What is Flirting? 139
Chamber 77 Your Goal in Flirting 141
The Five Secrets of A Seductive Home 80 What Flirting Does 142
How to Become Confident With Women 83 Flirting with Humor 145
Overcoming the Two Stumbling Blocks on the Road Flirting Your Way to the Date 152
to Confidence 83 Getting Her Trust 153
Overcoming Fear of Hurting Women 92 The Essential Qualities You Must Demonstrate for a Woman
Other Confidence Builders: Easy Ways to Raise Your to Trust You and Feel Safe 154
Confidence Level 93 The Three Steps of a Flirting Interaction 160
Be in "The Zone" 93 Using the Phone to Ask Her Out 165
Make Decisions 95 What If You Screw It Up? 166
Four Things You Can Do Today to Be Confident Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Flirting,
with Women 95 No Matter How Timid You Are 169
Meeting Women Through Personal Ads in Newspapers
and Magazines 169
Other Basic Flirting Exercises: Your Daily Routine 172
 X / Contents
Contents I XI

chapter six... The Five Rules for Gift Giving 242

177 Before the Seduction Date 249
A Crash course in Romance/
The Seven Steps to a Knock-Out Seduction Date 253
How to Sweep Her Off Her Feet Mastering the Seduction Date 259
and into Your Bed From Raging Bull to Purring Kitten in Nine Easy Steps 267
Lighting the Fires of Romance 179 After-the-Date "Did" Checklist 270
Secrets of Courting 183 After-the-Date "Didn't" Checklist 271
How to Write A Love Note That Makes Her Melt 185 How to End the Seduction Date 271
Details, Details, Details 187
Sensuality—Awakening Hers and Yours 187 chapter nine.. . 273
The Top Six Sensual Experiences for Women 191
The Six Keys to Romance 197
Closing the Deal:
Talk the Talk 202 The First Kiss and More
The Secret of Getting the First Kiss 274
chapter seven... Review of the Pre-Work 276
The Priming Date
205 Testing Her Readiness 277
Going For the First Kiss 281
The Three Elements of a Priming Date 206 How to Go for the First Kiss 282
Before the Priming Date 208 If She Says No 284
Use Your Body to Convey That You Have Vitality The 10 Crucial Mistakes That Blow the First Kiss 286
and Generativity 218
Taking the Kiss Farther 290
On the Date 218
Passionate Kisses! 291
Your Priming Date To-Do List 219
10 Possible Problems on the Priming Date 224
Ending The Date and Dangling the Bait 231 chapter ten... 293
After the Date "Did" Checklist 233 Being the Mart of Her Dreams
After the Date "Didn't" Checklist 233
In Bed
After the Priming Date Study Questions 234
The Triangle Offense: The Three Keys to Improving
Passing the Priming Date with Flying Colors 235
Any Man's Sex Life 296
Preparing for the Moment When It Turns Sexual 298
chapter eight... Setting the Mood With Sensual Talk 301
The Seduction Date 237 The Motions That Convey Emotion (Which She Wants) 302
Topics to Avoid in Bed 303
The 8 Components of a Triumphant Seduction Date 238
From Trash to Treasure 241 The Art of Foreplay 304
The Mam Event 305
 xii / Contents
Contents I

Enjoying Afterplay 306

The Four Maintenance Keys That Keep Her Warmed Up
Possible Problems and How to Solve Them 306 and Waiting for More 374
Staying Alive: Safe Sex in the '90s 312 Design the Next Seduction Date 377
AIDS & HIV 315
After the Seduction Date 385
Condoms: Every Man's Necessary Weapon 316

chapter thirteen. . . 387

chapter eleven...
319 Breaking Up Is Easy to Do
When Babes Attack:
To Commit or Not to Commit: That Is the Question 390
Handling Problems Women Cause So You Think You Want to Be a Stud... 391
Bad Dates from Hell 319 Why Break Up 395
So How Do You Handle Problems? 323 The Eight Degrees of Commitment 396
Gauging the Maintenance Spectrum 324 The Three Types of Breakups 401
Low Maintenance Women 324 The Eight Warning Signs that It's Time to End It 402
Medium Maintenance Women 325 Things to Watch Out for During
Too Hot to Handle (High Maintenance) 326 the Break-up Conversation 407
The Eight Secrets of Handling the Problems Examples of Clean Breakups 409
Women Cause 328
The Three Ways Women Fight and How chapter fourteen... 413
to Handle Them 337
The Four Classic Women to Avoid 343 Prom Casual to Committed
The Twenty-Three Problem Women 346 "Something More" 414
The Sixteen Problems Caused by Your Tendencies 347 Love Her for Who She Is and For Who She Is Not 415
How to Handle the Top Problems Women Cause 354 The Six Keys to Keeping a Long-term Relationship Happy,
Exciting and Hot 416
chapter twelve... The Six Stumbling Blocks to Happy, Healthy
365 and Hot Long-term Relationships 425
After the Date—Keeping Daniel's Newfound Success 432
Up the Pursuit
Make It A Success in Your Own Mind 366 chapter fifteen... 435
Decide Where You Want the Interaction to Go 367 Conclusion
Maintain Your Investment 368
The Art of Maintenance 370
Index 444
chapter one...
So You Want
Success with
Women

Greg came to us with a problem. "I can't seem to get women to

like me," he told us. "I mean, they like me as a friend, but when I try
to make things more romantic, it never works out. I haven't had sex
in over a year. What should I do?"
We hear stories like Greg's all the time. All sorts of men come
to us with their dating problems. Some are young, some are middle-
aged, some are older. Some are salesmen, some are computer pro-
grammers, some are executives. We've worked with college profes-
sors, as well as men who are their students. We've worked with men
who've never been married, and men who are divorced. We've
worked with rich men and poor men, attractive men and ugly men.
We've worked with men from as many different walks of life and
socio-economic strata as you can imagine.
All of them have come to us with the same problem: they can't
seem to get women to have sex and relationships with them. They
desperately wish they could be successful with women, but they
aren't, and it seems like the harder they try, the worse things get.
Greg says "I've all but given up dating because I'm so tired of the
pain and humiliation." His feelings are common among these men.
 2 / Chapter One
So You Want Success with Women ( 3
These are good men. They are sincere and honest and would
WHAT THIS BOOK WILL TEACH YOU
make good lovers, boyfriends, and husbands. But they can't seem to
get women to even give them the time of day. They all find them- This book will teach you, step by step, how to find women, meet
selves living in hope—hoping that someday they will meet a woman them, seduce them, and build relationships with them. We'll cover
who them, hoping that someday they will magically figure out every aspect of seduction, so at each step you'll know where you are,
how to attract women, hoping that someday they will, through some where you've been, and what there is for you to do next.
mysterious process, turn into super-studs. This book will give you the ability to pursue and date as many
Obviously, living in hope doesn't work, especially about some- women as you want, and to pick and choose from among them the
thing important like relationships with women. It's like hoping that one that works for you long-term.
your apartment will get clean, but not cleaning it. It's like hoping We'll teach you:
that you will have enough money for your retirement, but not sav-
ing for it. You have to take the proper actions consistent with your
commitments, not just live in hope. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Seducers
Very occasionally you may meet a woman with whom every- There are a number of habits that all master seducers follow.
thing goes right, no matter what you do, but such occasions are rare. We'll show you what successful seducers do every single day that
Romance rarely "just happens." Hope alone will not give you the makes them consistently successful with women. We'll also show
relationships you want with women. Leaving it to chance will very you how to stop making the most common seduction mistakes,
likely cause you to end up alone. You've got to take continuous which you probably are making continuously. When you take on the
action. habits of successful seducers and stop making these few common
But what to do? What can a man do that will make him so errors, you'll be more effective with women instantly.
attractive to the women he's interested in that they'll not only like
him, but that they'll want to take their clothes off and rub their The Elements of Style
bodies against him? Answering that question is the subject of this
book. Your deepest communication to women is carried out by your
We won't lie to you, or hold out some ridiculous claim that sim- personal style and your level of confidence. What you "say" to a
ply reading this book will instantly make you into a super-stud who woman through these two key areas can easily make the difference
can go from meeting a woman to getting her into bed in 10 minutes between a successful and a failed seduction. We'll show you how to
or less. That's snake-oil salesmanship, and not part of our program, develop a personal style, both through how you dress and how you
Effectively seducing women is work. The reason this book will behave, that is a genuine expression of who you are and that women
change your life is that it will show you, for the first time in your life, will find absolutely compelling.
exactly what the work is. It's up to you to follow through and to
implement the "science" we'll teach you (though we'll show you Flirting Without Disaster
exactly how to do that, too). If you are willing to do the work, the
You use flirting to go from seeing a hot woman to making her
tools we'll teach you in this book will work for you, just as they have
your date. You build the basic structure of your relationship through
worked for us and the many men we've taught. The principles are
simple and extremely useful. The steps are easy to learn and easy to the quality of your flirting. Will you be a woman's lover, or will you
remember. With practice you will master them, and will be more be her friend? Much of that will be decided by how you flirt. If you
successful with women than you ever imagined. don't know how to flirt well, you will screw up your future with a
woman and not even know you did it. We'll show you how to flirt
 4 Chapter One
So You Want Success with Women I 5
your way to the date, effectively overcoming her natural fear of you,
attitude, and your technique. We'll show you how to create that
and building a bond of fun and excitement between you. We'll then
moment when the date turns sexual, how to excel at foreplay and
show you how to effortlessly turn that connection into an accepted
invitation for a date. afterplay, and what to say and not to say during sex.

A Crash Course in Romance When babes attack: handling problems women cause
Sadly, not all of your interactions with women will be easy. In
Many "practical minded" men don't know how to be romantic
our experience, and in the experience of our students, the same basic
in a way that will really make a woman feel special. Furthermore,
romance seems passe; in this age of equality, a man shouldn't have problems tend to show up again and again. We'll teach you the nine
secrets of handling the problems women cause, and walk you
to romance a woman, should he? Well, yes, he does. You have to be
romantic because it can be a fun way to make a woman see you as through, step by step, handling the most common dating difficulties.
special and exceptionally attractive. We'll show you how to do it. Because women are only half the problem (if that), we'll also show
you how to handle the problems you cause in dating situations,
The Priming and Seduction Dates
Keeping her
We'll teach you about the two kinds of dates, priming and
seduction. We'll show you how each is a different, yet critical, part of After you've seduced a woman, you have to maintain your con-
effectively seducing a woman. You'll learn how to find what she nection with her if you want to be able to have sex with her again.
desires in a man, and how to fulfill those desires by bringing those We'll show you the ABC's of maintaining romantic relationships,
parts of you alive. You'll learn how to reliably make romantic con- and the specific steps you must take to keep her warmed up, happy,
versation, and how to construct romantic experiences that will turn and waiting for you.
her on, connect her to you, and that she'll remember for the rest of
her life. Breaking up with her
All short-term relationships come to an end, sooner or later.
Closing the Deal: Going for the First Kiss and More We'll show you how to figure out when it's time to end it, and how
to break up in the most merciful way possible so you end up friends.
Done properly, the first kiss is easy. Done improperly—which
is the way most men do it—the first kiss seems more like pulling We'll also show you how to determine if she might be a good candi-
teeth. We'll show you exactly how to create an experience in which date for a long-term relationship.
the woman is thinking about the kiss, and desires it. We'll teach you
the specifics of how to go for that first kiss, and how to take it much, Going from casual to committed
much farther immediately.
Most men like to "play the field" for a while, then move on to
a long-term relationship. We'll teach you the most important "do's
How to be the Man of her Dreams in Bed and don'ts" for creating a relationship that stays passionate, fun, and
loving for the long-term.
The master seducer understands that he must always be
improving his ability to enjoy sex and to please a woman. We'll show Along with all this, we will ask you to be responsible for your
you how to improve three key areas—your communication, your life. We will constantly show you how many of the problems you
blame on women or on "life" are actually caused by your behavior.
 6 Chapter One
So You Want Success with Women I 7
Not to worry, though, we'll also show you how to change your
behavior to make you more responsible for your life, and to get and fun, you too will be surrounded by willing, interested women.
more of what you really want. As you learn and use this material you You won't have to give up being nice and interesting in order to do
naturally become less whiny. You will become more of a man this; just remember that being nice and interesting isn't what turns
who is able to go for what he wants, both with women and in other women on.
aspects of his life.
At its core, this book is about generativity—your ability to be Myth 2. You are a nice guy, who only has nice
creative, inventive, results-producing and fun. As you take on the thoughts and desires
practices we will teach you in this book, you will naturally become Men who believe that they are really nice guys, who only have
more so in your life. This is important because it is this characteris- nice thoughts and nice desires, often break women's hearts the most
tic—your ability to create a life that turns you on - that will ulti- cruelly. Men who know that they aren't always sweet, and who know
mately attract women to you. All the exercises, steps, and processes that they don't always have kind thoughts and desires, are often
we'll show you are simply means to the end of turning you into an much more humane.
exciting, generative man. You'll find enhancing this trait will make How can this be? After all, men who are committed to always
your entire life better, not just your relationships with women. being nice in every way should actually be nicer, shouldn't they?
Sadly, it doesn't work out that way.
THE SEVEN DATING MYTHS Look at it this way: Over the course of any relationship, you
have the opportunity to feel a wide variety of feelings and behave in
You are ready to do the work to get women into your bed; now a wide variety of ways. Statistically speaking, you can't always be at
all you need is for us to tell you what the work is. But before we tell your best. Sometimes you'll be at your best, most of the time you'll
you the secrets to creating an abundant sex life, we must explore and be at your average, and some of the time you'll be at your worst.
dispel the seven dating myths. You've probably bought in to most or When you are at your worst, sometimes you'll have feelings
all of them; the first thing to do now is to clear them away. and desires that aren't very nice. Actually they will probably be
downright unkind. You'll want to retaliate against something the
Myth 1. If you are nice enough and interesting enough, other person said, or you'll feel angry about how the other person's
you will get a woman behaving. If you believe that you are a nice person who only has nice
thoughts and desires, you'll be less able to be responsible for your
It's great to be nice and interesting, but it is not enough; it's not behavior. Youll do things that most definitely are not nice, but you
the same as being seductive. Most men don't understand this. Your won't even notice you did them. After all, you'll tell yourself, no way
average man thinks that if he likes a woman, and she says that he is could you be mean: you're a "nice man." You will ruthlessly refuse
"sweet," "interesting," or "a wonderful friend," that he's moving the to admit that you are ever unkind.Women tell us repeatedly that it's
relationship toward eventual romance. He isn't, because, as we've the "nice men" they have to watch out for. They tell us that "nice"
said, being nice and interesting is not the same as being seductive. guys are more likely to express their anger indirectly, and to hurt
If you don't believe us, then just look around at all the jerky them emotionally, all the while acting innocent and claiming to be
men who have plenty of women to have sex with. Women certainly victims themselves.
aren't panting around these men because they are so nice and so Men who know they are not always "nice guys," and who know
interesting. They are panting around them because they are exciting that they don't always have nice thoughts and desires, are much
and romantic and fun. When you learn how to be exciting, romantic more able to be responsible for themselves. They can acknowledge
 8 I Chapter One So You. Want Success with Women / 9

when they are angry, or when they want to retaliate, and can handle that you had to pretend to be someone else. The whole experience
it appropriately. They are much more straightforward and forthright will hurt your self-esteem and your self-respect.
than "nice" men are. Women trust them more and like them more. We are, however, suggesting that some parts of you are more
In the long run, they are much less hurtful to everyone around them. appropriate in some situations than in others. This isn't such a
Some "nice" men pride themselves on being especially sensi- strange idea. After all, you probably don't swear or burp loudly in
tive to women's feelings and women's needs. Women often tell them church, even if you feel like doing so. You don't put your feet up on
they are "special" or "not like other men." They often consider the tablecloth at a fancy dinner party, even if you want to. And you
themselves ardent feminists, and are ever-vigilant for anything that don't come on to a woman giving you a job interview, even if it
might hurt a woman in any way. They are naturally suspicious of would be an expression of who you truly are at that moment. None
other men, and determined to not be like them. We call this kind of of these actions would be appropriate to getting the outcome you
man a "Snag," or "Sensitive New-Age Guy." Don't get us wrong—if desire.
you are one of these men, we aren't against you personally. In fact, But isn't that being manipulative? After all, if you find the
we relate to you quite well—both of the authors used to have some woman at the job interview attractive but you want the job, aren't
Snag characteristics, as well. you manipulating her by not "being yourself" and asking her out?
Here's what we've learned about it, though: You don't have to Aren't you just "putting on airs" to try to get a job? And at church,
give up being a good, honest, sensitive man who loves women in shouldn't people like you without you having to go through all the
order to get sex. A woman has sex with a man because that man is contortions of dressing a certain way, and repressing certain kinds of
able to fulfill her needs. He may fulfill her need for excitement, he behavior? Aren't you just manipulating the people there into
may fulfill her need for romance, or he may fulfill her need for accepting you? Shouldn't you just be able to "be yourself"?
something else. If you are a "nice" and "sensitive" man, yet not get- Isn't your self-expression being limited at the dinner party by
ting any sex, you may not be as nice and sensitive as you think. You not putting your feet up on the tablecloth if you want to? Shouldn't
may be ignoring women's needs, and not fulfilling them. That may you be able to "be yourself," and be liked for that? Why should you
well be the reason you're sleeping alone. If you read this book and have to manipulate everybody into liking you with all these special
use the technology we present in it, you will be able to fulfill women's behaviors that might not come naturally to you? Shouldn't you be
needs even better, and get more sex than ever before, able to just "be yourself"?
Of course this makes no sense. "Being yourself" doesn't mean
Myth 3. Just "be yourself"and women will desire you that you are utterly impulsive and driven by whatever behavior is
most convenient for you in the moment. In different situations, you
People who don't understand our method sometimes think naturally bring out different parts of yourself. In church you follow
that we are teaching men how to be manipulative, "It's wrong to a certain "code of conduct," but that shouldn't repress you. It's sim-
study seduction, "they whine to us. "Why can't you just be yourself?" ply an opportunity to bring out the more formal, religious part of
It's a mistake to think that using the technology in this book is yourself. At the dinner party, you bring out the more cultured,
a substitute for being yourself. It isn't. We are not suggesting that at sophisticated part of yourself. At the job interview, you bring out the
all. It's actually harder to get women into bed if you are trying to be professional part of yourself. You're not "repressed" because you
someone else. They notice, of course, that you are acting strangely. don't ask her out. You are simply expressing a different part of your-
Even if you do succeed in getting a woman into bed by hiding your self at that moment.
true self, you won't enjoy it as much as you thought you would. Our belief is this: It's critical that you bring out different parts
You'll know that you, yourself, weren't good enough for her, and of yourself in seduction situations than at other times in your life.
 10 / Chapter One
So You Want Success with Women / 11

Furthermore, we believe that you probably don't know much about and attractive: men are trouble-makers. They take on silly projects,
those parts of yourself, and that you will need guidance to bring push them to their limits, and even sometimes make them work. This
romantic, seductive behaviors to the forefront. trouble-making quality is the flip-side of the generative creativity
That's what this book is about. Just as you were probably that women desire so much in men. If you count on women to tell
taught how to behave at a formal dinner, before you act without you what they want, and how to behave in order to get them, you
external guidance, you must learn how to behave when dating. short-circuit this creative, trouble-making nature that women love
When you do, you'll be able to bring out and explore romantic, so much.
seductive, powerful and interesting parts of yourself that you may Women can't tell you what they want in a man—they can only
not have spent much time with before. After all, women do this too. tell you what they think they want in a man. There's a big difference.
When they put on make-up and their push-up bras, you could say They also aren't attracted to men who approach as supplicants, beg-
they are being manipulative. Or you could say that they are bringing ging for the easy keys to melt a woman's heart. Don't fall into the
out the seductive, sensual side of themselves. That's what we believe, trap.
and you must learn how to do it, too. You'll grow and have fun, and
women will be captivated by you, all because you were willing to go
Myth 5. Be a woman's therapist, and you'll get sex
beyond your normal knee-jerk behavior, and to try something new.
We'll talk about this more in the next chapter when we discuss
Myth 4. Women know what they want, the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Seducers. For now we will sim-
and they will tell you ply point out that being a woman's therapist is one of the worst ways
imaginable to get sex. Many men think it will work, but it almost
Have you ever noticed that women will talk about the kind of never does.
man that they want, and end up with someone completely different?
It happens all of the time. What women say they want, and what they
actually respond to, are often totally different. Myth 6. Being "honest" means telling her the worst
things about yourself
This is actually a very human trait: there are probably things
you say you want in your life that you only think you want. Women Many men seem to think that the best way to be honest with
are no different. women is to tell them the worst things about themselves, the sooner
The bottom line is that women love men who are generative the better. "Full disclosure!" seems to be these men's motto. We
and creative. If they have to tell you how to get them, what to be think this is foolishness.
like, and how to behave every step of the way, they aren't going to It's good to be honest. There's only one time that we ever sug-
be turned on by you. It's your independent nature that gets them gest that you not tell a woman the truth. (You'll learn about that in
going, not your dependency on being told how to act. Chapter 7.) The rest of the time, we believe that dealing with the
Ironically, some of the traits in men that women complain consequences of the truth will almost always be easier than dealing
about the most have in them the seeds of the traits women find most with the eventual consequences of lying.
attractive. In the film The Full Monty, a bunch of out-of-work male However, this doesn't mean that you should tell a woman every
steelworkers decide that they will make their money by putting on thought or desire you ever have. That simply isn't useful. A man who
a strip-show for the local women. The plan has "trouble" written all believes this myth will often tell a woman his problems right away,
over it—none of these guys is particularly great-looking. It also or will talk to her about his abusive childhood. He believes that by
speaks to a basically male trait that women find both aggravating sharing the worst parts of himself he is being emotionally vulnera-
 12 / Chapter One
So You Want Success with Women / 13
ble, and that vulnerability will make the woman he is interested in
desire him. ity to take care of you, and to make sure you have what you want in
relationships. Expecting them to do so is just immature.
Nothing could be further from the truth. A man who "spills the
You can also look at it this way: if dating is naturally unfair, and
beans" about his problems and his defects right away may bond
if you have to do all of the initiating, that just means that you get to
emotionally with a woman, but she won't desire him. She'll think of
make it work the way you want it! You can pursue women when you
him as a friend, but she may also think of him as a nut case. As you'll
want to, and not pursue them when you don't. You can set up dates
learn in this book, many men think that if they get any positive emo-
for times that work for you, and go for that first kiss when you feel
tional reaction at all from a woman, they must be on the way to a
like it. Having to do all the initiating puts you in the driver's seat.
romantic encounter. This simply isn't true. While you shouldn't lie
Use it as an opportunity to make your relationships the way you
about your flaws, you shouldn't share everything right away, either.
want them to be and stop complaining about it.
If you've believed any of these myths in the past, we suggest
Myth 7. Dating should be fair you stop believing them now. To recap: First, being nice and inter-
This one myth gets men in more trouble than almost any of the esting is great, but it won't get you sex. It will get you women who
others. If you are a man who whines about how dating isn't fair, and think you are nice and interesting, which is not at all the same as get-
how you have to do all the pursuing of women, you must stop that ting women who think you are arousing. Second, you aren't a nice
right now. guy who only has nice thoughts and desires. You'll be much better
We hear it all the time: "Why can't a woman ask me out for able to be responsible for your behavior if you admit that sometimes
once?" "If women really believed in equality, they'd kiss me first!" you are nice, and sometimes you are not. Women will also find you
"I'm tired of doing all the pursuing with women, it's their turn now." more attractive, because you'll be more trustworthy. Third, just
Blah blah blah. If it makes you feel better, you are right: It is unfair "being yourself—meaning impulsively doing whatever you feel
that you have to do all the pursuing, and that you have to take all like in the moment—won't get you women. You need help bringing
the emotional risks by making all the "first moves." out the more seductive parts of yourself, and the first few times you
We've known men who confront women about their not pur- bring those parts out, they won't feel natural at all. Fourth, even if
suing men. One man named Cameron made it a habit of confronting women did know what they wanted, they wouldn't be attracted to a
women who didn't do "their fair share" of the pursuing. He'd tell guy who they had to spell it out for. Women are attracted to men
them in no uncertain terms that, if they wanted to date him, they'd who are generative and creative, not men who come groveling to
have to do at least half of the initiating, the pursuit, and the emo- them, asking how they should behave. Fifth, being a woman's thera-
tional risk-taking. "It's the age of equality," he'd explain to them. pist won't get you sex. It simply doesn't work. Sixth, being "honest"
"You get equal rights, so now take equal responsibilities! "Cameron does not mean telling her the worst things about yourself right away.
didn't have many second dates. "Full disclosure" of everything that might make her dislike you is
Other men we know just complain about it. They whine to their not necessary. And seventh, dating isn't fair. Men who complain
friends about how women just aren't willing to do the work to make about that fact need to grow up. Men who accept that fact can have
a relationship happen. They complain about how, every time a real as many women as they like.
risk has to be taken, it's "the man's move." They say they are wait- It's as if dating is a dance. In the past, everybody knew their
ing for a woman to pursue them. steps, and could dance together. A man knew that, if he was inter-
Our advice is to get over it. If you don't have the sex life you ested in a woman, he could do certain things to show that interest,
want, it's your responsibility to get it. It is not women's responsibil- and a woman knew the proper responses to show interest or lack of
it. In the modern world, those dance-steps have been largely lost,
14 / Chapter One

and we have been left on our own to figure them out. Oftentimes,
rather than dancing together it feels more like we are crashing into
each other, and stepping constantly onto each other's toes.
This book is about changing all of that. By helping you under-
chapter two...
stand the dance women are doing, and showing you how to dance
with them, this book will teach you how to put music, rhythm, and
grace into your interactions. They will be attracted to you, because
The Seven Habits
you seem to "just know" how to be romantic with them. With this
skill in hand, you will be able to have as much success with women
as you desire.
of Highly
Effective
Seducers
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN'S BIGGEST FEAR
We've been lucky enough to date and befriend many extreme-
ly hot and sexy women. Since learning the "tricks of the trade" we've
been with women we would have only dreamed of earlier in our
lives. We've been with hot blondes, brunettes, women of every
description, all from using the material in this book.
On of the authors has a good friend and former lover named
Dawn. She is 24 years old, long blonde hair, big blue eyes, tall, great
legs, a huge chest, and loves to wear seductive clothes. She also loves
sex, hot sex for hours. In short, Dawn embodies many men's fan-
tasies.
Before dating one of the authors she used to go out and flirt
with guys at bars. She told us about entering a bar and seeing how
the men would stop talking and stare at her, drooling like dogs. She
said she enjoyed the attention, but she rarely gave out her phone
number to or dated any of the men who came onto her in bars. Why?
Because she was afraid. She would be attracted to a man and then
get afraid of being physically abused or raped by him. After all, she
didn't know him; she just met him at the bar. So she'd stay distant,
unattainable by the many men who desired her.

15
16 Chapter Two The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Seducers I 17

Fear of being abused, hurt or raped by men is the biggest con- One of our first clients was an attractive man in New York City.
cern women have in dating. Dawn and most other women smartly We will call him "Todd." Todd was, and still is, a very popular musi-
scope out men to make sure they won't be physically hurt by the cian who travels all over the country, puts out CDs on major record
men they date. They want to be sure they can trust the men they are labels, and is respected by many people in the music industry. He's
attracted to before getting physically vulnerable with them. beautiful, too—the guy even models and has been in commercials.
If you want to have success with women, you must be aware of He's a solo guitar singer/songwriter who performs in front of thou-
this most basic female concern. You must deal with the fact that sands of people each year. Many women find him sexy as he stands
women you meet will be testing you to see if you are "safe," or on stage, guitar in hand, singing with his amazing, satiny voice. You
potentially violent. know as well as we do that women love rock stars. With Todd it is no
We think this concern makes total sense. If we were women we different.
would have the same concerns, and so would you. Put yourself in a During our first meeting with Todd, we couldn't believe that
woman's position: if you became aware of stories of rape, spousal this man was having trouble getting women. We looked at each
abuse, torture and murder of women every day in newspapers and other and laughed out loud. At first glance, we were hoping Todd
on TV, you'd be paranoid, too. Women need to be a bit paranoid might give us some advice. We hoped he might let us be roadies at
because so many men are psycho. It simply isn't worth the risk for a one of his gigs so we could meet the women who were attracted to
woman to go home with a man who could hurt her. What this means him, and maybe go home with them. But here he was, with a prob-
for you is that you must do the things to create trust with a woman, lem!
and be sure to move at her pace when pursuing sex and relation- After just a few minutes of listening to him, we discovered the
ships. problem that kept Todd from being successful with women. Todd
suffered from a severe lack of confidence. While he was in a situa-
YOU CAN BE A NERD AND STILL SCORE tion that many of us would die to be in, constantly surrounded by
hundreds of available women, he didn't have the confidence to fol-
In writing, speaking about and researching dating dynamics, we low through and seduce any of them. He told us he never knew what
talked to men from every age group and occupation. We've coun- to say to women. He would look out in the audience and see lots of
seled middle-aged lawyers from farm towns in Wisconsin, and young attractive women, but, even though he was the big star, didn't have
up-and-coming musicians in New York. We've counseled computer the slightest idea how to start a conversation with any of them. He
geeks in Washington and writers in San Francisco. In the process, even admitted that women would wait to talk to him after a gig. but
we've observed many of the hidden sexual dynamics between men he rarely would go out with them. It was hard for us to restrain from
and women. smacking him, that he would dare to have a problem with women in
The men we talk to often have a laundry list of problems, con- this situation. We put him on a three-month program of coaching,
cerns, and complaints, about their relationships with women, both goal-setting, and dating. He had made commitments about how
past and current. Men often come to us in desperation, at the end of many dates he would go on and how many women he would talk to.
their ropes. They've read other books, tried subliminal tapes and It took a lot of effort, but Todd now has sex with as many women as
pheromone-scented colognes, and nothing has worked. They usual- he wants,
ly come to us looking for confidence with women. They want to be Todd is a useful example because he shows that even men who
able to meet women and make them into lovers. We give men the are surrounded by available women can have a profound lack of
same advice and information you will get in this book: a systematic confidence. At the same time, other men are very confident with
approach to transforming your relationships with women. women, but are not in situations where they have much contact with
18 / Chapter Two The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Seducers / 19

them. Some other men are not even all that attractive at first glance, never learn how to do it. We all tend to complicate topics we do not
yet embody the Habits of Effective Seducers so well that they have yet understand.
as much success with women as they want. One of the authors gives this example from his childhood.
Blake, for example, is a computer programmer for a large firm When I was six years old football seemed so complicated. I could
in Chicago. He is 38, has epilepsy, and has scars on his arms from an understand the basic ideas of the game: the quarterback throws
accident as a child. At first glance Blake looks like a computer geek, passes and someone catches the ball. Guys try to score touchdowns,
and is not particularly attractive. His glasses look a bit out of date, block the other team, and make goals. That, I could understand. The
and he even has pens in his pocket in a plastic pocket protector. He rest of the strategies involved, however, didn't make any sense. Even
wears goofy ties and white tennis shoes. He is balding and has a gut, after my father explained it to me dozens of times, the strategy of
He looks like the type of guy who is much more comfortable with the game still seemed like a foreign language that I'd never under-
computers than with people. stand. I decided to keep watching games, and have my father con-
However, as you get to know him, it is easy to see why he dates tinue his explanations. By the lime I turned eight, things started to
as many women as he wants, and even knows some who just like him make sense and I began to understand some of the more complicat-
for sex. It is pretty funny that a computer geek like Blake can have ed aspects of the game.
so many women, and a guy who is a successful rock star could hard- Meeting and dating women is just like any other skill. At first
ly get a date to save his life! But it is true. it seems overly complicated and difficult. Most men simply give up
One of Blake's strong points is that, unlike Todd, he is very because the task seems too large. This is not true. In fact, many men
easy to talk to. Unlike many computer geeks, he is very personable. are less successful than they could be because they overcomplicate
He has studied how to be romantic and is able to be sweet to women matters by being overly involved with their own thoughts about how
and seem harmless to them at the same time. Women find Blake difficult dating is.
attractive because it's easy for them to trust him. Blake has learned Let's introduce you to a man named Bob. He spends hours a
that he must pursue many women and he doesn't seem upset when day preoccupied with scenarios about women. He carefully con-
he's rejected. He knows it is all part of getting the sex life he wants. structs imaginary conversations with beautiful women at the pizza
The bottom line is that if Blake can get sex and Todd can't, then place he frequents. He creates come-back lines for all of her reasons
so can you. Yes, we are speaking to you, the one who is reading this why she won't go out with him. He daydreams about seductive con-
right now. Even if you're not a model-quality beauty or are older versations with young women he imagines he could meet on the bus.
and balding, you can still have wonderful relationships with as many In short, Bob is so "in his head" about talking to women that when
women as you want. You can cultivate the skills to be a dating he talks to a real, alive, breathing woman, he flips out and becomes
machine. tongue-tied. He's made it overly complicated by thinking about
seduction too much, and taking action too little. He's made it into
rocket science, and left himself unable to deal with it.
IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE We have purposefully written this book in a very straightfor-
ward manner. We want you to understand that this material is not
People tend to make things they don't understand more com- rocket science; the first steps to becoming a successful seducer are
plicated than they really are. It's only natural. Many people think simple, and you can start today. We want to dissolve once and forev-
that using a computer will be so difficult that they are too intimi- er the idea that other men know something that you don't, and that
dated to even turn the blasted thing on. Other people are so intimi- these skills are out of your grasp. That just isn't true. Once you get
dated by the simple task of balancing their checkbook that they over the idea that it's complicated and beyond your reach, you'll