CHAPTER 3

The Writing Process

After reading this chapter, you will be able to

• Recognize writing as a process.

• Define the purpose of a writing task.
• Choose a writing topic and generate ideas.
• Compose a rough draft.
• Revise, edit, and proofread drafts.

Theme: How Do Writers Write?

What do you picture in your mind’s eye when you hear the word writer? You
may—or may not—be surprised that writers are a diverse group of people. In this
chapter, you will read the advice given to aspiring writers by Black authors of
novels, young adult fiction, and memoirs. You will also read the recommenda-
tions to college student writers given by a college professor who has written many
books and articles.
What do you think writers do to write? Do they sit and think until ideas come
into their heads and flow onto the page? That is unlikely. As discussed in the chapter
“Introduction to College Reading, Writing, and Thinking,” writing requires consider-
able time and effort. Author Suze Orman sums up her approach to writing:

Writing is hard work, not magic. It begins with deciding why you are writing and whom
you are writing for. What is your intent? What do you want the reader to get out of it?
What do you want to get out of it? It’s also about making a serious time commitment
and getting the project done. (Ryan 165)

Orman’s comments are sound advice not only for writing books but for ­writing
in college.
In this chapter, we will consider what it means to be a writer and why writ-
ing is important. We will also examine the process most writers engage in, from
the idea stage to a finished piece of writing.

45
 AN OVERVIEW: UNDERSTANDING WRITING
AS A PROCESS
Recall the reading process described in the chapter “Active Reading.” Strategic
writers go through a similar process as they write a paragraph, an essay, or any
other text. Figure 3.1 illustrates the writing process.
Strategic writers typically think and read before they write. They write more than
one draft, often composing a first draft to get ideas onto paper and then using sub-
sequent drafts to organize and improve those ideas. Writers apply critical reading
skills to evaluate their work carefully. Like the reading process, the writing process
is recursive, which means going over paragraphs or papers multiple times (and some-
times, painfully, back to the start) when writing.

FIGURE 3.1 The Writing Process

Review
Assignment

Final
Prewrite
Version

d
Proofread Draft

Revise
and Edit

DEFINING THE PURPOSE OF A WRITING TASK

Writing can help you in college in many ways. It can help to clarify your
thinking on a topic, understand what you have read, or remember what you
heard in class. For instance, freewriting before reading activates prior knowl-
edge of a topic; annotating a text while reading enables you to identify impor-
tant ideas; and reflecting in writing after reading allows you to assess the
author’s main points.
Sometimes the writing you do in college will be for your own study pur-
poses. For example, taking notes during class to remember important concepts
or rewriting your notes to prepare for an exam might involve writing that only
you will see.

46
 Prewriting 47

Other times, instructors assign writing. Writing assignments may be designed

for students’ learning or to enable an instructor to see what students know or
do not know. It is important to understand the purpose of assigned writing and
therefore how to approach the assignment. We can place assigned writing into
two broad categories:
• Low-stakes writing, which tends to be informal writing for your own learning.
• High-stakes writing, which is more formal writing that will typically be read
and evaluated by an instructor.
In Figure 3.2, we review the features and purposes of these two types of
writing.
Whether you engage in low-stakes or high-stakes writing, take your writing
­seriously and put in your best effort. Low-stakes writing assignments often lay
the groundwork for high-stakes writing assignments, so playing your A game
during low-stakes writing can pay off with a quality piece of high-stakes
writing.

FIGURE 3.2 Low-Stakes versus High-Stakes Writing

Low Stakes High Stakes

Purpose Writing to learn Writing to demonstrate learning

Goal Process information or discover ideas Show mastery of material or original

thinking

What It Looks Like May be messy, disorganized, or contain Is professional, polished, and proofread
errors

Examples • Jot down three things you learned • Record a lab report in a biology class.
in class. • Compose a paragraph answer to a
• Freewrite possible answers to a test ­question on a midterm exam.
question. • Put together a research paper in a
• Explain the process you used to figure ­history class.
out a math problem. • Write an essay in an English class.
• Write a rough draft of a paper.

How It Is Assessed • Typically not graded but may be • Typically graded

­assessed for completeness or for
­fulfilling requirements

PREWRITING
Let’s assume you have a writing assignment for a college class. Whether you are
writing for yourself or for a graded assignment, getting started may feel like the
hardest part. You must have a writing idea in mind; then you must think of
something to say. It can be easy to get stuck trying to come up with the perfect
topic or even just any topic for writing. Strategic college writers know that begin-
ning to write may be hard, and they have several strategies for getting started.
48 3 The Writing Process

Choosing a Topic
Your writing topic may depend on your assignment, your instructor, or your class
goals. Some instructors will provide general suggestions for writing and allow
students to narrow down the topic. For instance, your instructor might ask you
to select a ­common problem for college students and propose a solution. In this
case, you could select any important topic to write about that is relevant to college
life—for example, the problem of maintaining mental and physical health as a
student or the challenges of studying and working while in college. Or the instruc-
tor might encourage you to write about whatever interests you most. With this
type of ­assignment, you can select any topic, usually with instructor approval. See
­“Strategies for Selecting a Writing Topic” for ideas on choosing a compelling topic.

Strategies for Selecting a Writing Topic

• Understand the requirements of the assignment. Can you select your
own topic, or must you choose a topic the instructor has provided?
• Select a topic you are interested in and would enjoy writing about.
• Select a topic about which you have something thoughtful to write.
• Check with the instructor to confirm that your topic is appropriate for
the assignment before writing.

Generating and Organizing Ideas

Once you have a topic, start thinking about that topic and begin preparing to write.
Writers typically do not write straight through their assignment from beginning to
end; instead, many writers start with warm-up exercises—just as you might warm up
before going for a five-mile run. This stage in the writing process is called prewriting
(the prefix pre- means “before”) because the thinking, reading, and writing prepare
you to compose a first draft. Have you ever told a funny story to a friend and real-
ized later that you could have added more details to make the story even better?
Prewriting gives you the chance to think of more good ideas to use when you write
the first draft and can therefore save time later in the writing process.
Let’s imagine that you are taking a psychology course in which you are
studying the effect of sleep on memory and learning. The instructor assigns the
class to write on this topic: Explain the relationship between sleep and learning.
You have to apply the information from class to yourself or to college students
in general. How should you proceed? Here are some strategies you might use to
generate ideas.

Review. Review your assigned readings, lecture notes, or class notes. Look for
ideas, details, and examples related to the topic you are exploring. Take notes on
ideas related to your topic or annotate the readings. Figure 3.3 shows an example
from a ­review of class materials.
 Prewriting 49

FIGURE 3.3 Sample Annotated Text

Text Your Notes

The National Sleep Foundation has found

that 63 percent of college students, on
average, do not get enough sleep. This Good use of statistics
causes 15 percent of students to fall asleep to show lack of sleep
in class semi-regularly and lose 30 percent interferes with learning
of the knowledge they have gained during
the class time when paying attention.

Freewrite. Recall that freewrite means to write quickly and continuously. To help
shape your ideas, write down everything you can think of related to the topic. Do
not worry about grammar or spelling; just get as many thoughts onto the page as
you can. Some writers use a timer to motivate themselves to write for a certain length
of time, such as ten minutes. When you have finished freewriting, review your work
to look for strong ideas you might use to develop your writing, as well as examples
or details to support those ideas. Figure 3.4 shows a partial example of freewriting.

FIGURE 3.4 Sample Freewriting

College students need sleep; that’s because they work hard

studying, and some even work, too—they have jobs. This means
they get home late and stay up late studying, then have to get up
and go to class . . .

List. Listing also involves putting ideas down on the page, but in a list form, such
as a bulleted list. For instance, if you have to compare two subjects, you might
list characteristics or examples of each. Notice in Figure 3.5 how the writer begins
to organize information by lining up contrasting details under each heading.

FIGURE 3.5 Sample Lists

Benefits of getting enough Drawbacks of not getting
sleep enough sleep
• Research shows rested • Sleep deprivation makes
brains think better and retain people forgetful
more information • Increases the chances of
• Can pay attention in class falling asleep during class
and learn more and missing information
• Feel better physically and • Makes people feel cranky,
emotionally irritable
50 3 The Writing Process

Create a Graphic Organizer. A graphic organizer is a visual representation

of the relationships among ideas. An organizer might use shapes or lines to show
these connections. To get started writing, you might prefer a visual approach that
puts ideas in a few words, with the connections shown between or among words
or ideas. You can write the main idea in the middle of a page (take your pick—use
a circle or square or any shape that works for you) and then link to supporting
examples, ­details, and information in connected bubbles. Figure 3.6 shows an
example of a graphic organizer.

FIGURE 3.6 Sample Graphic Organizer

Being well-rested helps

maintain concentration
and focus

Connections between
sleep and learning

Research shows sleep Own experience: not able

helps brain retain to learn well on only
information 6 hours of sleepp

Outline. To begin organizing your ideas before writing, try outlining. An informal
outline indicates in brief what to include in the parts of a paragraph or paper—the
beginning, middle, and end—as in the following example. Outlines show the main
ideas, as well as the supporting information, often by indenting or numbering the
support under main ideas (see Figure 3.7).

FIGURE 3.7 Sample Informal Outline

Main Idea: Sleep is important for college students’ success

• Support: Research shows that well-rested brains function better
• Support: Example of working late and taking early morning
class—not successful strategy
• Support: Example of changing work hours to get enough
sleep and did better in class
Closing: Sleep is critical to being a good student.

Discuss the Topic. To generate ideas, you could discuss the topic with class-
mates, family, or friends. You can suggest ideas and see what other people think
 Drafting 51

about these—if they feel your ideas make sense or are interesting. You can brain-
storm for examples to support your ideas, asking others whether the examples
are effective or asking for further support (see Figure 3.8).

FIGURE 3.8 Sample Discussion

Jenna: I’m writing a paper about how college students need

to get enough sleep to do well academically. So, I’m
thinking of using the time I was working the late shift at
a convenience store as an example in the paper. Do you
think this would work?
Jordan: I like that idea. I remember how you fell asleep in that
8 a.m. class one time! That story will really make the
paper more interesting.

DRAFTING
Once you have chosen a topic, engaged in serious thinking, and dedicated
­prewriting time to that topic, you are ready to compose a draft—an attempt at
creating a complete piece of writing. As in most stages of the writing process,
there are various strategies—and no one “right way”—to compose a draft. Some
writers like to write fluidly and discover their ideas during the process of drafting,
while other writers prefer to think and plan carefully before attempting a draft.
Of course, many writers fall somewhere in between. But we can call these two
basic approaches to drafting either discovery writing or planned writing.
Discovery writing suggests you have a general idea of what you want to say
but use a draft to figure out what you really want to say. For instance, the American
writer Joan Didion explains her drafting process as discovery writing: “I write
entirely to find out what I am thinking, what I am looking at, what I see and
what it means” (Popova). In a draft, you might explore ideas, test out examples,
or experiment with approaches to the writing assignment.
In contrast, a planned writing approach may start with an outline or the key
points to be covered in the draft. The first writing, then, would describe, elaborate
on, or give examples of those ideas. Professor Yetta Goodman, who writes aca-
demic books, explains that she uses “an outline or organizational chart” to plan
her professional writing.
In both approaches, it is important to get the ideas down on paper and to
­explain and support those ideas, but not be overly worried about spelling or
grammar errors or making the writing sound polished. Refining your writing will
come later in the writing process. Remember that drafting is primarily concerned
with developing your ideas. In the following reading, “Advice for Aspiring Black
Writers, from Black Writers,” you will learn about different writers’ approaches
to writing. As you read, consider the strategies that professional writers use that
you might apply to your own ­writing process.
 READING SELECTION
“ADVICE FOR ASPIRING BLACK WRITERS,
FROM BLACK WRITERS”
Before Reading: Preview; Predict
Look at the reading selection title and read the information that immedi-
ately precedes the reading. Then write answers to the following ques-
tions using complete sentences.
1. Based on your preview of the reading selection, what advice do you
think Black writers will give to other aspiring Black writers?
2. Skim the article and note the authors’ names and their works. Are you
familiar with any of these writers? If so, what do you know about them
or their writing? If not, what can you guess are their topics or types of
writing?

During Reading: Annotate; Make Connections

Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.
3. Mark any words, phrases, or sentences in the selection that you find
­interesting or thought-provoking or that you find particularly meaning-
ful. Then explain why you find the text interesting or stimulating.
4. Mark any words, phrases, or sentences that confused you or that you
did not find meaningful. Then explain why you find the lines confusing
or irrelevant.

Advice for Aspiring Black Writers, from Black Writers

By Taylor Bryant
NYLON, Feburary 2017
To celebrate Black History Month, NYLON, a magazine with a focus on pop culture and
contemporary fashion, ran a series of articles celebrating Black culture. In the following piece,
various published Black authors share their advice for other Black writers, ranging from how
to think about the craft and purpose of writing to how to persist when writing gets tough.
Each author’s advice is prefaced with their name and the title of their book.

Natashia Deon, author of Grace 1

“Write magic. Write the story you’d love to read but most of all, write the story you
feel you must write because no one can do it like you can. Even on days you’re sure
that’s a lie. Write as if no one has ever written on the subject before. The same is not
identical. Learn the difference by reading, living, and traveling, even if that’s just to the
town next door. Discover the thing that only you, because of your life and experience,

52
would know. Three people standing in the same room watching the same event will
experience it differently. Show us why God put you in that room. Show us the piece
of the puzzle that only you’re holding. Help humanity to understand itself better. We
need your wisdom. But if you’re writing primarily to make money and not for the art,
the significant responsibility, or the love, forget
everything I’ve just said and simply do what’s been
done well before and build a platform that’ll get
you seen.”

Jesmyn Ward, author of The Fire This Time 2

“Persist. This is a hard business to navigate: Writers
in general, and black writers in particular, will face a
lot of rejection in publishing. You have two tasks as
a writer: the first is to do the work. Hone your craft:
read, write, revise, repeat. Enrich your voice. Become
the best writer you can be. Your second task is to
submit your work. Brave rejection after rejection
after rejection until you find the one person in
publishing who says yes, who understands and
believes in your work and will open the door for
you. You can weather a thousand noes; all you need Gary Gershoff/WireImage/
is one yes.” Getty Images

Mychal Denzel Smith, author of Invisible 3

Man, Got the Whole World Watching: A
Young Black Man’s Education
“I’m asked this question a lot, especially
by younger black writers, and I often
struggle because I still feel like I need
so much advice myself. In response, I’ve
always said ‘keep writing,’ which is the
safest and, upon reflection, most useless
answer. If you’re a writer, you’ll keep
Jesse Dittmar/Redux
writing. Saying that doesn’t require
much thought on my part, and the
person asking gets to walk away feeling like they engaged them. But [. . .] we really
don’t have the luxury of passing on safe and useless advice. So what I’ll say now is
this: Take the power of words seriously. Understand the tradition of using the written
word to fight back, to speak truth to power, to communicate with the oppressed, and
to reassure the marginalized they are not forgotten. This doesn’t mean everything you
write must be targeted at dismantling institutions of oppression—we need levity and
lightheartedness to help survive these times as well—but that you understand and
accept the responsibility that the written word carries, and the particular conditions
that have produced the black literary condition, so that you approach everything you
do with that in mind. Write, not only for the prestige, but because our very lives
depend on it.”

53
 Nicole Dennis-Benn, author of Here Comes the Sun 4
“Be as liberal as possible in the creative process. By liberal, I mean do not edit yourself
in terms of cultural references and/or over explaining. Ask yourself why you’re writing
and who you’re writing for. Know in your heart that there is no such thing as one story,
and therefore there will be room for you at the table. At the end of the day, your
authentic voice and heart will speak to readers. Do not be deterred by rejection. Keep
writing, keep knocking on doors, keep sending out work. Never have only one project
that you’re working on. The minute one story gets published or rejected, there should be
another one waiting in the wings. Be serious about writing. Treat it as you would a job,
not a hobby. Lastly, seek successful mentors who are invested in seeing your growth;
avoid anyone who projects their journey on you and/or attempts to clip your wings once
you begin to soar.”

Cole Lavalais, author of Summer of the Cicadas 5

“God’s will, karma, and fate are all different ways to describe the plot of the human
condition. Moments after our first bedtime stories, we learn life has order. When
unexpected events occur, we look toward our varying belief systems, or develop belief
systems, to connect meaning and impose order on those events. This order, or structure,
functions as a way of mollifying the chaos of human existence, helping us to comprehend
what can often be incomprehensible. Understand your audience is deeply invested in this
relationship between events and meaning (plot), and your audience will both consciously
and unconsciously bring those expectations to the page. As writer and architect of the
worlds you create, you may choose to fulfill, complicate, and challenge the connections
and disconnections between structure and meaning. You may even choose to ignore those
expectations completely, but you must do it knowing that your readers will not.”

Terry McMillan, author of I Almost Forgot about You 6

“Write as if you’re telling a story to a friend. Write as if no one is ever going to read it. Don’t
write to compete with other writers. Don’t edit while writing a draft or you’ll never finish.”

Angie Thomas, author of The Hate 7

U Give
“I didn’t want to write The Hate U Give. The
characters, the setting, and the plot were first
born in a short story I wrote for my senior
project in college back in 2010/2011. I always
knew it would be about a girl, Starr, who was
living in two different worlds a lot like I was at
the time—a mostly white, upper class school, and
a mostly black, poor neighborhood. I also knew
that she would lose her best friend at the hands
of a police officer. The characters and plot were Marla Aufmuth/Getty Images for
so vivid to me that, at times, it was hard to keep Massachusetts Conference for
the short story . . . well, short. One of my Women 2019
professors encouraged me to write it as a novel after graduation. I played around with
the idea, but for years I couldn’t bring myself to write it. I had several reasons, though.
Whether they’re good or not is up for debate, but they were reasons nonetheless.

54
 “Reason one: I had a ‘heart book.’ No, I don’t mean a cardiology book. I mean that 8
one idea that so many of us writers set our hearts on being THE ONE; like a soulmate in
book form. Sometimes, we’ve had the idea for years. Sometimes, it takes us years to write a
single draft. But we just know that it will be the one that will get us in the door.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way. For me, my heart book was a fantasy
series for younger readers. I wrote and rewrote the first book for years. I also received
rejection after rejection for years. The entire time, that short story from senior year kept
coming back to me. But there was no way it would get me in the door of publishing. Why?
“Reason two: I was afraid it was too diverse. Unfortunately, I think a lot of 9
marginalized writers understand this one. I am eternally grateful for We Need Diverse
Books, the grassroots organization that advocates for diversity in children’s literature. It is
kicking down doors and walls that have limited the lenses presented in children’s books.
But the work of We Need Diverse Books is recent; it is also ongoing. As the idea of
turning that short story into a novel bounced around in my head, diversity in Young
Adult novels was rare. Books where black girls were more than sassy sidekicks were rare.
And books about black girls dealing with police brutality? Even rarer.
“That leads to reason three: I was afraid of it. Period. When I first wrote that short 10
story in college, I was pissed. I was also in pain. Oscar Grant had recently lost his life in
Oakland, California, and his death was a headline. It led to me hearing conversations on
my college campus that made me want to scream as Oscar was blamed for his death
more than the officer who pulled the trigger. Instead of screaming, I wrote. It was
cathartic—I allowed all of my anger and sadness to fall into my words. I knew I’d have to
do the same thing if I wrote it as a novel, and that it may make some readers
uncomfortable; especially the mostly-white gatekeepers of publishing.
“I could probably list a million more reasons why I didn’t want to write The Hate 11
U Give, but one thing outweighs them all: I had to write it for myself. I couldn’t focus on
whether it would be the idea that would get me in the door. I couldn’t worry that it was
too diverse. I couldn’t be concerned that it would make someone uncomfortable. I had to
see it come to life on the page. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made.
“So writers, learn from my mistakes: Let your heart explore other stories, let your 12
characters be their unapologetic selves, and write the book that you’re afraid to write.
Above all, write it for yourself. You won’t regret it.”

Kaitlyn Greenidge, author of We Love You, Charlie Freeman 13

“Keep going. Honor your own sadness and frustration, but keep going. Even when your
work is met with blank stares, or misunderstanding. Write about what you wish to write
about, not what people tell you you ought to write about. And most importantly: Don’t
assume you are the first or the one and only. It’s very seductive to believe you’re the only
black person who has ever noticed ‘X.’ If you dig deep enough, though, you know that
there have always been those of us who were off-kilter, who loved Dvorak or understood
the relationship between String Theory and Russian architecture or whatever thing that
gets you going. Don’t give into the seductive myth of being the one and only. Once you
let that go, the work gets less lonely and the company you keep can expand, and when
another black writer comes who wants to geek out over what you want to geek out about,
you know you’ve found a friend and an ally. Not a rival, as the wider world would want
you to believe.”

55
 After Reading: Identify Audience; Identify Purpose
Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.
5. Consider the audience: Who are the intended readers of this text? Do
you think readers other than the intended audience can also benefit
from the ideas in this selection?
6. Think about the purpose: Do the authors want the audience to be
­informed, instructed, or persuaded? Could there be more than one
purpose? Explain.

Engage with the Reading

Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.
1. Review your annotations from exercise 3 under “During Reading,” and
select the writing advice given by professional authors that you can identify
with. In your own words, explain that advice and how or why you feel it
applies to you.
2. Review your annotations from exercise 4 under “During Reading,” and
select the writing advice given by professional authors that you do not find
useful or relevant to you. In your own words, explain that writing advice
and why you do not find it useful or relevant.
3. Look back over your annotations and your answers to exercises 1 and 2
above. Then describe your own writing process and purposes, how they
are similar to or different from those of professional writers, and how you
might change your writing routine to improve them.

Academic Style: Attribution

When you summarize or quote, you should identify the source of that information and convey

why that source is reputable. In such cases, you can reference the person or organization by

providing attribution. That is, along with the quote or summary, you identify the source of the

information. You may also want to state the credentials of the source—that is, what makes the

source qualified to address the topic.

Examples of Sentences Using Attribution

• The author of ten best-selling books on personal finance, Suze Orman explains that
attribution
“writing is hard work, not magic.”

• Research published in a peer-reviewed academic journal, the Journal of Adolescent

attribution
Adult Literacy, shows that most professional writers create multiple drafts.

56
 Revising, Editing, and Proofreading 57

REVISING, EDITING, AND PROOFREADING

Writers go through multiple drafts before completing a finished work. For
instance, in her book Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, author
Anne ­Lamott describes the process of writing a terrible first draft to get her ideas
down on paper. She then improves her first draft to create a better second draft
and ­f inally a third draft that is publishable. When Lamott writes her first draft,
she hopes no one will read it. When she develops her subsequent drafts, she
reads her writing carefully. She thinks about how someone else might read her
writing. In other words, she starts shaping her writing for a reader. We call this
“writing with a reader in mind.” In this way, Lamott is continuing the writing
process by revising, then editing and proofreading her writing.

Revising for Content and Organization

Revising involves focusing on the content of the writing—the ideas, examples, or
details; the organization; and the logical flow. When revising, writers think about
the “big picture” of their writing, such as whether their writing has a clear focus,
their ideas are supported by evidence or examples, and their organization makes
sense. Revising often means making big changes in the first draft. For instance,
a writer might take out a paragraph or move it to another part of the writing.
The writer might add—or remove—details or examples or even completely rewrite
the ­introduction or conclusion. As you reread and revise your paper, ask yourself
­questions like those shown in “Strategies for Revising.”

Strategies for Revising

1. Does the writing respond to the assignment? If not, can you change it
to respond to the topic, or do you need to start all over again?
2. Does the writing have a clear focus or point to make? Can you
underline a sentence or two in the paper that sums up your main idea?
3. Can you develop the ideas with more examples, details, or information
from the readings? If so, add more support to the writing.
4. Do ideas progress logically from one section to the next and from one
sentence to the next? If not, can sections or sentences be logically
connected with transitions?
5. Are there any parts of the paper that seem out of place or not relevant?
Can you move these to other places in the paper, or should you take
them out?
6. Is there more you can say on the topic? If so, add more sentences or
paragraphs.

The following reading selection, an interview with writer Mike Rose, explores
ideas about the writing process and, in particular, how he feels about writing and
strategies for drafting. Pay close attention to Rose’s suggestions for revising his
writing and how reading plays a key role in his writing process.
 READING SELECTION
“WRITING AS A PROCESS: AN INTERVIEW
WITH MIKE ROSE”
Newspaper and magazine articles such as the following reading selection
sometimes include interviews with experts, authors, or other knowledge-
able people. If an interview is recorded verbatim—that is, word for word—
the ­reporter will indicate who is speaking before the words. Often
quotation marks are not used; instead, the speaker’s name or initials are
included before their words.

Before Reading: Recognize Prior Knowledge

Look at the reading selection title and read the information that immedi-
ately precedes the reading. Then write responses to the following using
complete sentences.
1. Do you think that writing is hard work? That it is fun? Or is it sometimes
both or neither? Explain your answer.
2. What role do you think reading plays in the writing process? For
­instance, do writers have others read their writing? Do writers read to
improve their own writing? Explain.

During Reading: Annotate; Make Connections

Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.
3. Mark any text you find interesting or thought-provoking or that you
find particularly agreeable. Then explain why you agree with the text
or find it interesting or stimulating.
4. Mark any text that confuses you or you find disagreeable. Then explain
why you find the text confusing or disagree with it.

Writing as a Process: An Interview with Mike Rose

By Tina Arora
InterActions: UCLA Journal of Education and Information Studies, 2010
Mike Rose began his academic career as a working-class student, the son of Italian
immigrants, but eventually became a professor at the University of California at Los
Angeles. He has written many articles and books about college students, especially about
the challenges new college students face and their potential to be successful.

58
TA: You enjoy writing and publishing and you did say that you ask your students to look 1
at the jewels that are present at their feet and write about what they’re involved in.
Where does this enthusiasm come from or what motivates you?

MR: That’s a really good question. You know, there’s times when the writing is a joy, 2
but, more often, it’s not. It’s, it’s difficult, taxing, work that seems to slam me constantly
up against my limitations. My limitations as a thinker, the limitations of my knowledge,
the limitations of what I can do with language, all of my own insecurities. But writing for
me is driven, in a way, because it’s a means that I have to try to explore and express, a
means to explore something that bothers me, or something that I think is not right or
wrong-headed. Writing is my toolkit to pursue those issues. If I were a lawyer, I would
have the law and the courts. If I were a physician, I would probably be doing certain
kinds of medicine in certain kinds of communities. But the toolkit that I have at my
disposal is this ability to write, something I have developed over many, many, many years
of practice.
When I was a young man, I wrote poetry, I had these fantasies of becoming a poet. 3
Now, I was never a very good poet, but I think I learned a lot about the craft of writing
by doing it, and then I carried that skill into my professional and academic writing.
Caring about style, worrying about the sound of the language as well as what ideas the
language is trying to convey. In fact, there’s not a separation between the sound of the
language and the ideas it conveys. If I can hit the right pitch with the language, then that
advances the idea all the more. And conversely, if the ideas are shoddy, the idea isn’t
carefully wrought, then the language is going to fall apart, for me, anyway.
I wish I could tell you that writing is pure pleasure, that I sit down at the desk at 4
8 in the morning, and the next thing I know it’s 5 in the evening, and I’ve had this
blissful day lost in thought. But, no, it’s not at all like that. If somebody had a little
camera on me, and they traced out the patterns of my writing day, there would be
dozens upon dozens of times when I’m getting up from the chair and going to the
refrigerator, and getting up from the chair and going for a walk, and getting up from the
chair and trying desperately to think of anybody I can call.

TA: So, it is similar to what other people go through . . . 5

MR: It is . . . it is what many students who I’ve worked with go through. There’s no 6
difference. I guess I’m just committed to it. I know that if I stick at it long enough,
something will come out of it. Plus, I have to say, over the years, I’ve been blessed
enough to cultivate a large number of people who I can trust to give me honest feedback.
I purposefully make sure I have a diversity of readers, people who come at the world in
a different way from the way I do so that I can get all the feedback I can. If I’m writing
about particular people like in the book Possible Lives: The Promise of Public Education in
America, then, of course, they became part of the critical loop as well. I would send
them the stuff I wrote and we would begin this exchange about the material, which then
would lead to further discussion.
So that’s my writing process. It’s probably similar to a whole lot who are gonna be 7
reading this interview. It has its moments of pleasure and moments where the words do
seem to come, but it has many more moments of just being stymied and going back to
your books and trying to find the right train of thought, and getting up to get a snack,

59
 and waking up in the middle of the night with an idea and scribbling on a notepad only
to look at it in the morning and realize it’s not such a great idea after all. That’s just the
way it is.

TA: What do you believe is the efficient way to train research apprentices/student 8
researchers in understanding writing and becoming effective and prolific writers?

MR: We’ve created here in the department of Social Research Methodology these two 9
writing classes, one for professional writing and one for people who want to write for
broader audiences. So, I’m a firm believer that you really can learn a lot about how to
do this work, do it better and do it with more grace. But, as I was just saying a moment
ago, that doesn’t guarantee that it’s going to be easy or effortless, I mean I don’t think
any good performance is. There’s no good performance in any domain that doesn’t come
without its cost, its pain and difficulty.
I think that young researchers, first of all, can put themselves in situations where 10
they can learn more about the craft involved both in framing their research projects and
writing about them. They can do that through courses. And they can do that through
aligning themselves with a very good editor who’s not just going to edit for them but
teach them as well. They also can go out of their way to find those other people, their
peers or mentors, who respond well to their writing and form relationships with them
where they read each other’s writing.
I’m also a firm believer in reading good stuff. When you find authors who write 11
well in your discipline or people who just write well, a favorite novelist, read them and
read them like a writer, rather than reading them like a reader. In other words, read
them with an eye to figuring out what it is they do that makes their writing work so
well. You read them analytically, you read them with an eye to stealing a trick or two.
So I think there are a lot of things that students can do to help themselves become
better writers.
And also, as I was talking about earlier, remember that writing is hard for everybody, 12
I do think sometimes that students carry in their minds the assumption that for other
people composing is an effortless enterprise, this effortless activity, when, in fact, it is
difficult for everybody. I think just even understanding that up front keeps you at the
keyboard rather than allowing yourself to give into the feeling of inadequacy, thinking that
it’s only you who are going through this awful stuff. It’s more the norm than you think.

After Reading: Find Supporting Details

Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.
5. Rose says that although sometimes “writing is a joy . . . more often . . .
it’s difficult, taxing, work.” What details in the text show that writing is
a joy? What details in the text show that writing is hard work?
6. Rose states that students can “learn a lot” about how to write well.
What details in the reading describe what students should learn about
writing?

60
 Engage with the Reading
Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.
1. Rose mentions that he appreciates having a “diversity of readers” who can
give him “honest feedback” on his writing. Why do you think having
different kinds of people read and respond to a writer’s work is helpful?
2. Review your annotations and select a sentence or two that you find
thought-provoking—either because you agree with Rose or because you
disagree. Explain why you agree or disagree.
3. Compare your process for writing to Rose’s. For instance, do you feel
writing is hard work or that it is a joy, or both? Do you like to get feedback
from lots of different people? Do you read to get ideas? Explain.

Editing Sentences and Proofreading for Errors

Editing writing involves focusing on the “little details,” such as sentences and
words, checking that these are clear and that they make sense. Proofreading
means reading writing carefully, looking for errors, such as grammar or punctua-
tion mistakes, and correcting these. Examples of what you might do to edit your
writing include the following:
• Rewriting sentences to be clear or correct.
• Combining sentences to make the writing more concise.
• Selecting new words to make ideas more clear or vivid.
In Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, the writer Anne
Lamott explains this stage as “the dental draft, where you check every tooth”
(25–26), or rather, when you check every word and sentence to be sure it is clear
and correct and effectively expresses your ideas.
Editing and proofreading come in the final stages of the writing process.
­Review “Strategies for Editing and Proofreading” for suggestions about how to
edit and proofread your paper.

Strategies for Editing and Proofreading

• Read your paper slowly and aloud. Be sure you are reading what is on
the page and not what is in your head. Put your finger under each word
as you read. You might notice that you accidentally left out a word
or maybe typed the same word twice.
• Read your paper several times. It is not possible to catch everything with
one reading. Read through your paper first for clarity of sentences, then
again for word choice, and a third time to check grammar, spelling, and
­punctuation.
First reading: Read each sentence carefully and think about whether it is
clearly and correctly written. Will a reader understand what you mean in
that sentence? Are there vague words that can be replaced? Know that
readers will encounter your writing one sentence at a time, so each

continued

61
62 3 The Writing Process

sentence must make sense and advance your ideas. If a sentence does
not “sound right,” then stop, mark it, and try to fix it. Try rewriting the
sentence several different ways. Also consider whether the sentence
needs to be moved to another part of the essay or maybe taken out.
Second reading: Read your writing thinking about the words. Ask yourself
whether words are well chosen to say exactly what you mean. Avoid
vague words (really, sort of, very, many); use specific, precise, and vivid
words or details. Look particularly at the nouns and verbs in the sen-
tences. Most ­often, strong writing uses specific nouns and active verbs.
For instance, rather than write that Naomi’s childhood was traumatic
(traumatic is a vague word), you could be more specific about why her
childhood was traumatic: Naomi was eleven years old when she dived
into a lake and hit her head on a rock. (Traumatic was replaced with
more specific nouns and description.)
Third reading: Check the grammar, punctuation, and formatting. For
­instance, you might circle each piece of punctuation to check that it is
­appropriate. Be sure you have followed your instructor’s guidelines for
setting up the writing, including heading or formatting.
Finally, after correcting sentences, words, or other errors, give your
­essay one last read through to be sure the writing makes sense and
is ­correct.

Activity 3.1 Evaluate Topics

To plan a piece of writing, review and evaluate the writing topics that follow by
marking how interesting you find each one. Check “Interesting topic,” “Maybe I
could write on this topic,” or “Can’t relate to this topic” for each topic.
1. Some people love to write; others hate it. Some people enjoy creative
writing, such as poems, songs, and blogs; others prefer informational
writing, such as reports and research. Describe your feelings about writing.
In your response, consider the following:
• When do you like to write? Describe a situation when writing was enjoy-
able for you.
• When is writing challenging for you? Are there times when you hate to
write? Describe a situation when writing was difficult for you.

☐ Interesting topic
☐ Maybe I could write on this topic
☐ Can’t relate to this topic

2. Describe your past experiences with writing in school. In your response,

consider the following:
• Describe one particularly good experience you had with writing in your
past education (this could be in an English class or in another subject).
Explain why it was positive.
 Revising, Editing, and Proofreading 63

• Describe one particularly bad experience you had with writing in your
past education and explain why it was unpleasant.

☐ Interesting topic
☐ Maybe I could write on this topic
☐ Can’t relate to this topic

3. Describe your experiences with low-stakes and high-stakes writing

assignments in school and what you learned from these assignments. In
your response, consider the following:
• Give an example of a low-stakes writing assignment you engaged in.
­Describe the assignment and to what degree it helped you to learn.
• Give an example of a high-stakes writing assignment in school. Describe
the assignment and to what degree it helped you to learn.

☐ Interesting topic
☐ Maybe I could write on this topic
☐ Can’t relate to this topic

4. Describe your earliest memories with reading and writing, or your

experiences with reading and writing growing up as a child. In your
response, consider the following:
• How did you learn to read or write? Describe what you remember about
learning to read or write at home or at school and the feelings you
­associate with these processes.
• What were reading and writing like in your family? Did family members
read to you as a child or encourage you to write?

☐ Interesting topic
☐ Maybe I could write on this topic
☐ Can’t relate to this topic

Activity 3.2 Choose a Topic and Generate Ideas

Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.
1. Review your responses to Activity 3.1. Choose a topic to write about. What
topic did you select, and why?
2. Based on what you have read in this chapter, select one strategy for
generating and organizing ideas. Use that method to generate ideas for
the topic you chose.

Pair and Share

• With a classmate, discuss the topics you each selected in Activity 3.2.
Explain why you each chose the topic you did.
• With a classmate, compare the strategies you used to generate ideas for
the topics in Activity 3.2. Explain which methods you found most helpful
for producing good ideas.
64 3 The Writing Process

Activity 3.3 Write a First Draft

Follow the directions for both of the following exercises.
1. When you are writing a first draft, do you generally feel more comfortable
engaging in discovery writing or planning before writing? Explain.
2. Review your writing topic and prewriting (from Activity 3.2). Build on your
prewriting by writing a first draft. Give yourself permission to write without
worrying about grammar or spelling or correctness; know that you can
revise and improve your writing later.

Activity 3.4 Revise a First Draft

Follow the directions for each exercise below.
1. Study the sample first and second drafts in the chapter “Spotlight on Student
Writing Process: Literacy Narrative,” and notice the changes between the
drafts. Writing that was removed is crossed out, while writing that was added
is in purple. Why do you think the writer made the changes? How do the
changes improve the draft? Do you agree with the changes that the writer
made? Are there parts of the writing you would have kept in or taken out that
the writer did not? Explain your answer.
2. Review your first draft from Activity 3.3. Revise your first draft, paying close
attention to content and organization.

Pair and Share

• With a classmate, compare your answers to exercise 1 in Activity 3.4.
Discuss what changes—changes that were made or should have been
made—would most improve the first draft.
• Exchange your second draft with a classmate. Make suggestions to each
other about which parts of the writing to keep and which parts to take out,
as well as where to add information or where it is not needed. Also, make
suggestions about the organization: how to reorganize or make the
organization clearer.

Activity 3.5 Edit and Proofread a Second Draft

Follow the directions for each assignment.
1. Turn again to the sample third draft. The additions in the second draft are
in purple, and the additions in the edited and proofread third draft are in
blue. Writing that was removed is crossed out. What changes were made
in the third draft (blue)? Why do you think the writer made the changes?
How do the changes improve the draft? Do you agree with the revisions
the writer made? Explain your answer.
2. Review your second draft. Revise your second draft, paying close attention
to the sentences and words.
 Chapter Review 65

Pair and Share

• With a classmate, compare your answers to exercise 1 in Activity 3.4.
Discuss which changes—changes that were made or should have been
made—most improve the second draft.
• Exchange your third draft with a classmate. Make suggestions to each
other about which parts of the writing to edit or revise or correct. Also
make suggestions about the sentences and the words.

CHAPTER REVIEW

Key Terms
discovery writing Drafting by starting with a general idea and then writing
to figure out what to say.
editing A final stage in the writing process in which writers focus on
­improving the clarity and logic of sentences and words.
graphic organizer A visual representation of the relationships among
ideas.
high-stakes writing Formal writing that will typically be read and evalu-
ated by others.
low-stakes writing Informal writing for study or learning purposes.
planned writing Drafting by starting with an outline or key points and
then writing to describe, elaborate on, or give examples of those ideas.
prewriting Thinking, reading, and writing as preparation to compose a first
draft.
proofreading Reading writing carefully to correct errors in grammar, spell-
ing, or punctuation.
revising A stage in the writing process in which writers focus on improv-
ing the ideas and organization of the writing.

Chapter Summary
• Strategic college writers use a recursive writing process—circling back
through writing process steps as necessary.
• Assigned writing in college falls into two broad categories: (a) low-
stakes writing, which tends to be informal writing for your own learning,
and (b) high-stakes writing, which means more formal writing that will
typically be read and evaluated by an instructor.
66 3 The Writing Process

• After evaluating and choosing a topic that is appropriate to the

­assignment, the writer can employ various prewriting strategies—
reviewing class materials, freewriting, listing, creating a graphic orga-
nizer, outlining, and discussing—to generate ideas and launch the
writing process.
• A draft is an attempt to create a complete piece of writing, when the
writer is most concerned about getting ideas down onto paper, whether
by discovering ideas while writing or planning and then writing.
• Revising a draft involves focusing on the content, such as the ideas,
examples, or details, and the organization, including the logical flow of
the writing.
• Editing a draft requires focusing on sentences and words, checking
that these are clear and that they make sense.
• Proofreading means reading the writing carefully, looking for errors
such as grammar or punctuation mistakes, and correcting these.

Chapter Activities
Follow the instructions in each of the following exercises, using complete
sentences for your responses.
1. Create an illustration that shows Mike Rose’s writing process or that
shows your writing process.
2. What have you learned about the writing process from reading the
­articles in this chapter or from reading the chapter itself? How might
you apply that knowledge to your own writing? Give examples from
the readings, from your own experience, or from both to explain.
3. How does reading help someone become a better writer? For instance,
when should writers read, or how should they read, during the writing
process? Give examples from this chapter or from your own experi-
ence, or from both.

Works Cited
Lamott, Anne. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.
Anchor, 1995.
Popova, Maria. “‘It’s an Aggressive, Hostile Act’: Joan Didion’s
Thoughts on Writing.” The Atlantic, 17 Oct. 2012, www.theatlantic.com/
entertainment/archive/2012/10/its-an-aggressive-hostile-act-joan-didions-
thoughts-on-writing/263679/.
Ryan, Kevin. Write Up the Corporate Ladder: Successful Writers Reveal
the Techniques That Help You Write with Ease and Get Ahead.
AMACOM, 2006.
 Chapter Review 67

Credits
p. 45: Quoted in Ryan, Kevin. Write Up the Corporate Ladder: Succesful Writers Reveal the
Techniques That Help You Write with Ease and Get Ahead. AMACOM, 2006; p. 51: Quoted
in Popova, Maria. “ ‘It’s an Aggressive, Hostile Act’: Joan Didion’s Thoughts on Writing.”
The Atlantic, 17 Oct. 2012; pp. 52–55: Bryant, Taylor. “Advice for Aspiring Black Writers,
from Black Writers.” NYLON, February 2017. Copyrighted 2020. Bustle Digital Group.
2182305:1220MB. Used with permission; pp. 58–60: Arora, Tina. “Writing as a Process: An
Interview with Mike Rose.” InterActions: UCLA Journal of Education and Information
Studies 6, no. 2 (2010). Used with permission of Mike Rose.
 SPOTLIGHT ON
STUDENT WRITING
PROCESS
Literacy Narrative
As you have learned, reading and writing require time, effort, and practice.
Successful writers, including student writers, engage in a process as they
develop and shape their ideas, draft, revise, edit, and polish their writing.
While writing may seem to progress in a linear fashion, that is not always
the case, as writers often need to rethink, reread, and rewrite to create
a strong piece of prose.
In this Spotlight chapter, you will follow one student’s writing process, Jane
Nguyen, as she selects a topic, prewrites, drafts, edits, and revises her writing
before completing a finished piece. Although this writing was a low-stakes
assignment, the student took this writing project seriously: as an opportunity
to write as well and as clearly as she could about herself as a writer.

DEFINING THE PURPOSE OF THE WRITING TASK

AND PICKING A TOPIC
English and composition instructors sometimes ask students to reflect on
themselves as writers. An assignment such as this may be a low-stakes,
first-day, in-class writing or a high-stakes, take-home, graded paper.
In this case, students were asked to select from one of four topics for
their writing. The instructor assigned and explained the writing task on
the first day of class, then allowed students to work on their responses
at home and turn them in the following class session. The purpose of the
assignment was to help them reflect on themselves as writers and to pro-
vide the instructor with information about how students feel about writing.
The response would be awarded points for completion, but it would not
be graded and was therefore a low-stakes writing assignment.

First-Day Writing Assignment

Prompt: This first writing assignment is designed to help me learn a
little about who you are, as a reader or as a writer. Write a short
essay (about 250 words) in response to one of the following prompts.
Please write honestly and provide specific details and examples. You
will earn 20 points for completing this assignment. Write your essay
at home and bring it our next class meeting.
1. Some people love to write; others hate it. Some people enjoy cre-
ative writing, such as poems, songs, and blogs; others prefer

68
 informational writing, such as reports and research. Describe your
feelings about writing. In your response, consider the following:
When do you like to write? Describe a situation when writing was
enjoyable for you.
When is writing challenging for you? Are there times when you hate
to write? Describe a situation when writing was difficult for you.
2. Describe your past experiences with writing in school. In your
response, consider the following:
Describe one particularly good experience you had with writing in
your past education (this could be in an English class or in another
subject). Explain why it was positive.
Describe one particularly bad experience you had with writing in
your past education and explain why it was unpleasant.
3. Describe your experiences with low-stakes and high-stakes writing
assignments in school and what you learned from these assignments.
In your response, consider the following:
Give an example of a low-stakes writing assignment of yours. Describe
the assignment and to what degree it helped you to learn.
Give an example of a high-stakes writing assignment in school.
Describe the assignment and to what degree it helped you to learn.
4. Describe your earliest memories with reading and writing, or your
experiences with reading and writing growing up as a child. In your
response, consider the following:
How did you learn to read or write? Describe what you remember
about learning to read or write at home or at school and the feelings
you associate with these processes.
What were reading and writing like in your family? Did family mem-
bers read to you as a child or encourage you to write?
The student’s process for picking a topic:
• The student read and thought about each topic, not only how inter-
esting it would be to write about the topic but also how much she
would have to say on the topic.
• The student thought it would be interesting to write about past experi-
ences writing in school. Since she attended high school in Vietnam
and college in America, the student worried that the paper may not
be coherent or focused so rejected topic 2.
• The student was not sure if she understood the terms low-stakes and
high-stakes writing so decided to avoid topic 3.
• The student was not sure she could recall early memories of reading
and writing so did not select prompt 4.
• The student determined that she had the most to say about
prompt 1, since she sometimes enjoyed writing and sometimes felt
writing was a struggle. The student knew she could use examples
of current experiences with writing in the paper.

69
 PREWRITING
When the student had time to review the topic and begin writing, she
thought about how best to get started. Since the prompt did not require
any reading, just a reflection on one’s own life, the student decided to
sketch out ideas. This student enjoyed seeing ideas visually so developed
a graphic organizer that used not only words to answer the prompt but
also images.
The student started by focusing on key words in the prompt: “Describe
your feelings about writing.” These feelings became the starting point, or
center, for the graphic. She then thought about other parts of the prompt,
such as “When do you like to write?” and “When is writing challenging
for you?” The student tried to answer these questions in the graphic
organizer. Since the writing assignment asked for specific details and
examples, and since the prompt suggested thinking of “specific situa-
tions,” she added details to the graphic to show the particular incidents
when she enjoyed or did not enjoy writing. The student’s graphic orga-
nizer appears in Figure 1.

FIGURE 1 One Student’s Graphic Organizer

Jane Nguyen. Used with permission.

TO DO LIST

When I read Assignment 3

Book Assignment 2
I
Assignment 1

When I travel
When I have
to turn in Write to organize Last night,
a paper I dreamt of . . .
thoughts
Personal
journal
When do I write?

How I feel
about writing

Songs,
lyrics . . .

Outline
1.
2.
3. It’s so hard Topic
??
to write when . . .
Unfamiliar
Write a paper
topic
without a plan

Deadline

Wait until the

deadline to start

70
DRAFTING
With ideas on paper in the form of a graphic organizer, the student felt
confident she could begin drafting a response to the assignment. The
student wrote a first draft quickly, trying to get down as many ideas as
possible related to the topic. When she got stuck in the writing and could
not think of what to say, the student looked at her organizer to find new
ideas or examples to include. She did not worry about organization or cor-
rectness in the writing; instead, the student wanted to be sure to develop
the ideas and write at least 250 words. She knew she could reread and
revise the writing later. The student’s first draft appears in Figure 2.

FIGURE 2 One Student’s First Draft

Writing is a Tool (Drafting version), by Jane Nguyen. Used with permission.

To be honest, writing has never been interesting to me. I always catch my-

self talking more than putting things down on the paper. However, after my last

year in middle school, I realized I should find a better way to keep my thinking

together. Since then, I started to write a lot. Of course, at first, it was just for

fun purposes. I wrote songs when I feel like my crush turned his head and looked

at my direction. I wrote down some crazy dreams in the morning after I woke up,

because I thought that one day I can publish them; but turned out, those dreams

were from a movie I saw before bed last night. I wrote down my mom’s grocery list

and put it in her purse before she went out to the store; and of course, those

things on the list are my favorite treats. When I made my way to high school, I

realized I could write to improve my grades at school. I began to put more efforts

into turning my dreams journal into a personal journal. I began to create to-do

list for myself, so I will not forget any important things I have to get done.

I began to write longer songs with more meaningful lyrics, mostly about posi-

tivities because we can never get enough of those. After maintaining my writing

habit throughout high school, I moved to college and started to be familiar with

“assignments”. That is when I realized I have to write in some cases, no matter if

I want to or not. I wrote more and more after I purchased a smartphone. I wrote

on the bus, in the car, on an airplane; whenever something comes up to my mind,

I wrote it down on my phone. In addition, I like to highlight and mark my books

with a lot of colors and margins notes. A colorful book will help me more when I

need to find a piece of evidence I will need in my paper. However, writing has its

own challenges when it comes to college writing. It is hard to look at a blank

page on a computer knowing that the words count for this paper is two thousand

continued

71
FIGURE 2 One Student’s First Draft (continued)

words. Writing is impossible without a plan. To me, the word “deadline” always

has one meaning: I’m dead if I waited till the due day to start writing my paper.

Last but not least, being unfamiliar with the topic that I was assigned for is

also a difficulty for me. In order to write about something I have never heard

before, I should do some researches before thinking about the topic. The thinking

process is only fun, when I make up questions and ask myself to answer them.

REVISING
Since the student created a graphic organizer and immediately after com-
posed a first draft, she decided to put this writing away for some time.
She felt by taking a break, she could return to the first draft, then to read
it with fresh eyes and renewed energy.
When the student returned to working on the first draft, she read it
focusing on making the ideas clearer and better organized. She crossed
out unnecessary information and added specific examples and details
(marked in red ink). She also clarified the organization by changing the
order of information and by adding transitions (also in red). The student’s
second draft appears in Figure 3.

FIGURE 3 One Student’s Second Draft

Writing is a Tool (Revising version), by Jane Nguyen. Used with permission.

To be honest, writing has never been interesting to me; when I was young, 1
caught words
I always catch myself talking more than putting things down on the paper.

I had energy to ran around, but had none to sit down and write. Later on in

life, I figured that writing had a lot of benefits. I was able to organize my

thoughts, think more careful before making something happen, and most impor-

tantly, I was able to express myself.

After my last year in middle school, I realized I should find a better 2

ideas
way to keep my thinking together. Since then, I started to write, a lot.

Of course, At first, it was just for fun purposes. I wrote songs when I feel
my
like my crush turned his head and looked at my direction. I wrote down some

crazy dreams in the morning after I woke up, because I thought that one day
could
I can publish them; but turned out, those dreams were from a movie I saw

before bed last night. I wrote down my mom’s grocery list and put it in her purse

continued

72
FIGURE 3 One Student’s Second Draft (continued)

before she went out to the store; and of course, those things on the list are my

favorite treats. When I made my way to high school, I realized I could write to

improve my grades at school. I began to put more efforts into turning my dreams

journal into a personal journal. I began to create to-do lists for myself, so I
would
will not forget any important things I have to get done. I began to write longer
positivity
songs with more meaningful lyrics, mostly about positivities because we can
it
never get enough of those. After maintaining my writing habit throughout high
was
school, I moved to college and started to be familiar with “assignments”. That is
had
when I realized I have to write in some cases, no matter if I wanted to or not.

I wrote more and more after I purchased a smartphone. I wrote on the bus, in

the car, even on an airplane; whenever something comes up to my mind, I wrote

it down on my phone. In addition, I liked to highlight and mark my books with

a lot of colors and margins notes. A colorful book will be more helpful to me
for
more when I need to find a piece of evidence I will needed in my paper. However,

writing has its own ­

challenges when it comes to college writing. Being unfa-
was
miliar with the topic that I was assigned for is also a difficulty for me. In

order to write about something that I have never heard before, I should do some

researches before thinking about the topic. It is hard to write when you look at

a blank page on a computer knowing that the words count for this paper is two

thousand words and you have nothing in mind. Writing is impossible without a

plan or an outline. It is just like the 80/20 rule. If you put 80% of your effort

to do the thinking process, then you would only need 20% of your effort to start

writing. On the other hand, To me, the word “deadline” always has one meaning to

me: I’m dead if I waited untill the due day to start writing my paper. We cannot

wait till time runs out, and hope for some miracle. As writing requires some

thoughtful thinking, it also requires some time, too. The thinking process is

only fun, when I make up questions and ask myself to answer them.

Writing is not as hard as some people think it is. Only when you have no 3
ideas of what you are writing about, or you do not give yourself enough time

to write, that’s when everything gets harder. At the end of the day, writing

is not only about getting that good grade at school, but it is also a tool to

sharpen our thoughts.

73
 EDITING AND PROOFREADING
The student felt confident that the second draft was an improvement over
the first draft. She also felt confident that the writing was on topic and an
appropriate length for the assignment. However, since this was the first
writing in a college English class, the student wanted to make her best
effort. She decided to put the second draft away for a while, then reread
it to ensure it was as effective as possible and expressed the ideas well.
The student read the second draft thinking carefully about language.
She read the draft slowly, sentence by sentence, looking for ways to
improve the words and sentences. Then she read it yet again to check
for errors and correct these. The student’s third draft, with changes high-
lighted in blue, appears in Figure 4.

FIGURE 4 One Student’s Third Draft

Writing is a Tool (Editing and Proofreading version), by Jane Nguyen. Used with permission.

When I was young, writing was never interesting to me. To be honest, writing 1
caught
has never been interesting to me; when I was young, I always catch myself
words run
talking more than putting things down on the paper. I had energy to ran around,

but had none to sit down and write. Later on in life, I figured that writing had

a lot of benefits. I was able to organize my thoughts, think more carefully

before making a decision something happen, and most importantly, I was able to

express myself.
that
After my last year in middle school, I realized I should find a better way to 2
ideas
keep my thinking together. Since then, I have started to write a lot since then.
only
Of course, At first, it was just for fun purposes. I wrote songs about what I
around in
felt like when my crush turned his head and looked at my direction. I wrote
my
down some crazy dreams in the morning after I woke up, because I thought
could Ironically,
that one day I can publish them; but turned out, those dreams were from a
.
movie I saw the night before before bed last night. I wrote down my mom’s

grocery list, and put it in her purse before she went out to the store; of
were
course, those things on the list are my favorite treats. When I made my way
should
to high school, I realized I could write to improve my grades at school. I

began to put more effort into turning my dreams journal into a personal
would
journal. I began to create to-do lists for myself, so I will not forget any
had
important things I have to get done. I began to write longer songs with more
positivity could
meaningful lyrics, mostly about positivities because we can never get enough
it
of those. After maintaining my writing habit throughout high school, I moved

continued

74
FIGURE 4 One Student’s Third Draft (continued)

was
to college and started to be familiar with “assignments”. That is when I

realized I have had to write in some cases, no matter if I wanted to or not.

purchasing
I wrote more and more after I purchased a smartphone. I wrote on the bus,
the came m
in the car, and even on an airplane; whenever something comes to ind, I

wrote it down on my phone. In addition, I liked to highlight and mark my

books with a lot of colors and margin notes. A colorful book will be more
for
helpful to me more when I need to find a piece of evidence I will neededin

my paper. However, writing has its own challenges when it comes to college
was
writing. Being unfamiliar with the topic that I was assigned for is also a
To of
difficulty for me. In order to write about something that I have never heard
analyzing
before, I should do some researches before thinking about the topic. It is

hard to write when you look at a blank page on a computer knowing that the

words count for this paper is two thousand words and you have nothing in
similar to
mind. Writing is impossible without a plan or an outline. It is just like the

80/20 rule. If you put 80% of your effort into doing the thinking process,

then you would only need 20% of your effort to start writing. On the other

hand, To me, the word “deadline” always has one meaning to me: I’m ruining
it
the paper if I wait untill the due day to start writing my paper. We cannot

wait till time runs out, and hope for some last-minute miracle. As writing

requires some thoughtful thinking, it also requires some time, too. The

thinking process is only fun, when I make up questions and ask myself to

answer them.

Writing is not as hard as some people think it is. Only when you have no 3
are giving
ideas of what you are writing about, or you do not give yourself enough time

to write, that’s when everything gets harder. At the end of the day, writing is

not only about getting that good grade at school, but it is also a tool to

sharpen our thoughts.

FORMATTING THE PAPER

Even though this writing was a low-stakes assignment, the instructor
wanted students to format their papers a certain way: in MLA (Modern
Language Association) style. The student reviewed the guidelines for MLA
style, including how to set up a heading, how to title a paper, how to

75
 format the body paragraphs, and how to number the pages. She added
these elements to the third draft, shown in Figure 5.
The student felt she had worked hard, put in her best effort, and
prepared a polished, professional-looking paper. The final copy was ready
for submission.

FIGURE 5 Final Copy

Jane Nguyen, Writing is a Tool, 2018. Used with permission.

Nguyen 1

Jane Nguyen
Professor Kuehner
English 151RW
1 September 2018
Writing Is a Tool
When I was young, writing was never interesting to me. I always
caught myself talking more than putting words down on the paper. I had
energy to run around, but had none to sit down and write. Later on, I
figured that writing had a lot of benefits. I was able to organize my
thoughts, think more carefully before making a decision, and most
importantly, express myself.
After my last year in middle school, I realized that I should find a
better way to keep my ideas together. I have started to write a lot since
then. At first, it was only for fun purposes. I wrote songs about what I felt
like when my crush turned his head around and looked in my direction. I
wrote down my crazy dreams after I woke up, because I thought that
one day I could publish them. Ironically, those dreams were from a
movie I saw the night before. I wrote down my mom’s grocery list and
put it in her purse before she went to the store; of course, those things
on the list were my favorite treats. When I made my way to high school, I
realized I should write to improve my grades at school. I began to put
more effort into turning my dreams journal into a personal journal. I
began to create to-do lists for myself, so I would not forget any important
things I had to get done. I began to write longer songs with more
meaningful lyrics, mostly about positivity because we could never get
enough of it.

76
 Nguyen 2
After maintaining my writing habit throughout high school, I moved
to college and started to be familiar with “assignments.” That was when I
realized I had to write, no matter if I wanted to or not. I wrote more and
more after purchasing a smartphone. I wrote on the bus, in the car, and
even on the airplane; whenever something came to mind, I wrote it
down on my phone. In addition, I liked to highlight and mark my books
with a lot of colors and margin notes. A colorful book will be more
helpful to me when I need to find a piece of evidence for my paper.
However, writing has its own challenges when it comes to college
writing. Being unfamiliar with the topic that I was assigned was also a
difficulty for me. To write about something that I have never heard of
before, I should do some research before analyzing the topic. It is hard
to write when you look at a blank page on a computer knowing that the
word count for this paper is two thousand words and you have nothing
in mind. Writing is impossible without a plan or an outline. It is similar to
the 80/20 rule. If you put 80% of your effort into doing the thinking
process, then you would only need 20% of your effort to start writing. On
the other hand, the word “deadline” always has one meaning to me. I’m
ruining the paper if I wait until the due day to start writing it. We cannot
wait till time runs out, and hope for some last-minute miracle. As writing
requires some thoughtful thinking, it also requires some time.
Writing is not as hard as some people think it is. Only when you
have no ideas of what you are writing about or you are not giving
yourself enough time to write, that’s when everything gets harder. At the
end of the day, writing is not only about getting that good grade at
school, but it is also a tool to sharpen our thoughts.

Chapter Activities
1. Study Figure 2 (“One Student’s First Draft”) and Figure 3 (“One Stu-
dent’s Second Draft”) and notice the changes between the drafts. The
additions in the second draft are in red, and writing that was removed
is crossed out. Why do you think the writer made the changes? How
do the changes improve the draft? Do you agree with the changes that
the writer made? Are there parts of the writing you would have kept in
or taken out that the writer did not? Explain your answer.

77
 2. Study Figure 3 (“One Student’s Second Draft”) and Figure 4 (“One
Student’s Third Draft”). The additions in the edited and proofread third
draft are in blue. Writing that was removed is crossed out. What
changes were made in the third draft (blue)? Why do you think the
writer made the changes? How do the changes improve the draft? Do
you agree with the revisions the writer made? Explain your answer.

78
CHAPTER 4
The Writing Product:
Academic Essay Fundamentals

After reading this chapter, you will be able to

• Recognize essay structure.

• Analyze a writing prompt.
• Draft a tentative thesis and essay plan.
• Write an effective essay introduction.
• Compose essay body paragraphs
• Write a strong concluding paragraph.
• Revise and edit to improve an essay draft.

Theme: Why Is Sleep So Important?

Statistics show that many college students do not get the recommended eight
hours of sleep each night. For instance, one published research study, titled
“Sleep Problems in University Students,” found that 60% of college students
suffer from “poor sleep quality” and close to 8% have insomnia (Schlarb et al.,
2017). Are you surprised by these statistics? What might account for students’
lack of sleep?
In this chapter you will read about sleep—in particular, why it is important
to get a good night’s rest. You will read two essays about sleep: one essay com-
posed by an undergraduate student and another written by a PhD candidate and
researcher. As you work through the chapter, you will learn what an essay is and
what are some fundamentals of academic writing.

79
 ANALYZING ESSAY STRUCTURE
In this chapter, we focus on essays: often the product of the writing process. An
essay is a piece of ­writing that expresses an author’s point of view on a topic.
Essays are the most typical and fundamental type of student writing. You will learn
the basic essay structure by reading about and examining essays.

Essay Parts and Their Purpose

Essays usually have three basic parts: an introduction (beginning), a body (middle),
and a conclusion (end). Each part serves a particular purpose. Each part of an
essay and its purpose are described here:
1. The introduction
• Draws readers in and makes them want to read the essay.
• Clearly establishes the topic, or subject, of the essay.
• Presents the writer’s thesis statement, a sentence that sums up the main
idea of the essay and states the writer’s opinion on the essay topic.
2. The body explains, supports, and develops the thesis. Each body paragraph
• Has a clear main idea, stated in a topic sentence.
• Includes supporting sentences that provide personal examples, quotations
from readings, or researched information.
• Ends with a closing sentence that sums up the paragraph’s main idea.
3. The conclusion
• Briefly summarizes or synthesizes the information presented in the body
of the essay.
• Ends with a final thought for readers and gives a sense of closure.

A Published Student Essay

Figure 4.1 shows a sample essay (with annotations) entitled “To Sleep or Not to
Sleep: That Is the College Student’s Eternal Question,” written by an undergradu-
ate student. The essay, published in the online journal Grey Matters at the
­University of Washington, illustrates the different parts of an essay.
As you read the essay in Figure 4.1, you will notice parentheses follow
some sentences. In the parentheses are the names of authors whose ideas or
words are used in that sentence in the essay. Typically, a page number would
also appear in the parenthetical citation after the author’s name; ­however,
since the sources are found online, no page numbers are needed. At the end
of the essay is a works cited page that provides more information about the
author’s work. This citation style is called MLA (Modern Language ­Association)
style and is often used in English classes. However, because the essay is a
published paper, it does not have the full MLA heading it would have if it
were submitted to an instructor for a class assignment. Know that different
disciplines use different citation styles to fulfill the important requirement that
writers give credit to the sources of ­information they use in their papers.

80
 FIGURE 4.1 Published Student Essay
Source: Roberts, Courtney. “To Sleep or Not to Sleep: That Is the College Student’s Eternal Question.” Grey Matters, 23
Nov. 2013. Copyright © 2013 Grey Matters Inc. Used with permission.

Annotations for Annotations for

Evaluation Comprehension

How Effective Is the Identify the Thesis,

Writing? Main Ideas, and
Roberts 1 Support.

Courtney Roberts

Professor Kuehner ENG 102 The heading

identifies the
23 November 2013 ­author and
the date of
To Sleep or Not to Sleep: That Is the College Student’s Eternal Question the paper.
Ironically, I am currently in Odegaard, the University of Washington’s
A catchy title 24-hour library, writing an article about sleep deprivation at one in the
identifies the
­paper’s topic morning. As I am writing, I am wondering how many of my classmates are
and draws in
the reader. planning to take advantage of the library’s hours to pull an all-nighter to cram

for their midterms tomorrow. College students have been identified as a

population group especially affected by sleep loss (an estimated 73% of

The introduc-
tory paragraph students) (Buboltz et al.), which I am quite confident any college student
sets the essay
or graduate would agree with. Sometimes, particularly around final
topic (sleep),
gets the read- examinations, it seems that sacrificing a couple hours of sleep is the only
er’s attention
The first body
(with personal way to earn the “A.” However, many years of research have shown that sleep paragraph
details), and
includes a
states the deprivation is detrimental to cognitive ability (Buboltz et al.). topic sentence
thesis.
(highlighted),
Sleep improves your cognitive ability by facilitating learning and provides sup-
porting infor-
memorizing new information in two ways. First, sleep aids restorative
mation (from
processes in the brain. When we are sleep deprived, we are not able to research), and
ends with a
focus our attention as well—which we all know from personal experiences closing sen-
tence (how
like trying to sit through a lecture the day after a long night (Smith and Lapp). sleep rejuve-
nates the
Last month, the Nedergaard lab at the University of Rochester Medical brain).

Center published a groundbreaking paper in Science regarding the

mechanism behind the restorative function of sleep. Their research shows

that the restorative function of sleep is a result of a heightened ability to

clear out the day’s built-up, potentially neurotoxic waste from the interstitial

space in the central nervous system (Xie et al.). During sleep there is a 60%

81
 Roberts 2

increase in the interstitial space, causing a significant increase in the rate of

convective exchange of cerebrospinal fluid with interstitial fluid (Xie et al.).

This then leads to an increase in the clearance of ß-amyloid, a protein that is

the main component of amyloid plaques and associated with diseases such The second
body para-
as Alzheimer’s (Xie et al.). Clearing out these potentially toxic waste products graph in-
cludes a topic
thus allows our brains to be rejuvenated in the morning (Xie et al.). sentence,
supporting
Second, sleep is thought to help with memory consolidation (“Sleep”). sentences (to
explain how
There are three different steps in memory processing: acquisition, memory
works), and a
consolidation, and recall (“Sleep”). During acquisition, new information is closing sen-
tence (linking
introduced into the brain (“Sleep”). Consolidation refers to the stabilization of memory con-
solidation to
the memory and recall to the ability to access the information after it has sleep).
been stored (“Sleep”). Both acquisition and recall only occur while we’re

awake; however, research has suggested that memory consolidation takes

place during sleep (“Sleep”). The third body

paragraph in-
There is no known mechanism of memory consolidation during sleep cludes a topic
sentence,
currently; however, many researchers think that specific characteristics of supporting
sentences
brainwaves, such as slow wave and rapid eye movement sleep, are (from research
studies), and
associated with the formation of different types of memory (“Sleep”). One a closing
sentence (to
example comes from a study performed by Smith and Lapp. Smith and explain the
theory).
Lapp monitored honors psychology students during summer break and

the consecutive weeks following final examinations during winter break.

After final examinations, there was an increase in the number of rapid eye

movements during the fifth REM period of sleep from the number made

during summer break. These results suggest that an increase in the

number of rapid eye movements during 5th period REM sleep—not the

length of time spent in REM—accompanies extensive learning (Smith and

Lapp). Other such correspondences between different sleep brainwave

characteristics and types of learning have also been demonstrated (Smith

and Lapp). It is quite likely that different types of learning and memorizing

are accompanied with different changes in brainwave characteristics

(“Sleep”).

82
 Roberts 3

In addition, the study by Smith and Lapp also reported another

interesting finding. When asked how well they thought they performed on The fourth
body para-
the study’s test, the sleep deprived students rated their performance graph provides
supporting
significantly higher than non–sleep deprived students. Yet, the sleep sentences
(from a study)
deprived students still performed significantly worse than their counterparts and a topic
(Smith and Lapp). A proposed explanation is that since the students were sentence (that
sleep depriva-
sleep deprived, they had to expend more effort to complete the task, tion harms per-
formance and
which caused the students to think that they had performed better since judgment).

they had tried harder. From this, the researchers proposed that many

students are unknowingly sabotaging their own performance by choosing

to sleep-deprive themselves before a complex cognitive task (Smith

The conclud- and Lapp).
ing paragraph
briefly synthe- All the research so far points to sleep being necessary for optimal
sizes informa-
tion in the cognitive ability. But, so what? We’re still college students, and we’re still
essay (sleep is
necessary) going to have the same incredible amount of work and activities as
and cleverly
ends with a always. It’s the eternal problem of the college student. Yet, when students
final thought
to provide clo- contemplate the question of “to sleep or not to sleep?” the research
sure (students
should get shows that sleep should be chosen over the extra couple of hours of
more sleep).
studying.

83
 Roberts 4

Works Cited

A works cited Buboltz, Walter C., Jr., et al. “Sleep Habits and Patterns of College Students:
page at the A Preliminary Study.” Journal of American College Health, vol. 50,
end of the
essay gives no. 3, 2001, pp. 131–35, https://doi.org/10.1080/07448480109596017.
sources used
in the essay in “Sleep, Learning, and Memory.” Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical
MLA style. School, 2007, healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/matters/benefits-
of-sleep/learning-memory.
Smith, C., and L. Lapp. “Increases in Number of REMS and REM Density in
Humans Following an Intense Learning Period.” Sleep, vol. 4, no. 14,
1991, pp. 325–30, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1947596.
Xie, Lulu, et al. “Sleep Drives Metabolite Clearance from the Adult Brain.”
Science, vol. 342, no. 6156, 18 Oct. 2013, pp. 373–77, https://doi
.org/10.1126/science.1241224.

ANALYZE A WRITING PROMPT

Sometimes you will be given a choice of topics for a writing assignment; other
times you will be assigned a specific topic. In either situation, understanding the
essay assignment is important to successfully complete the task.
Recall that prompts are the directions for writing assignments giving the
topic and specific directions for how to write about the topic. An essay prompt
may consist of more than one sentence. Some statements or questions in a
prompt may help you think about the topic; some may give examples of what
you might write about; others may be the specific directions or your purpose for
writing. It is important to read the prompt carefully and annotate its main points
so that you fully understand what is required. Consider the following prompt.

Prompt: College faculty are considering the question, “When should classes start
in the morning?” Write an essay to present at a faculty meeting that explains when
classes should begin in the morning and why this start time would be beneficial for
students.

The question in the prompt—“When should classes start in the morning?”—

asks you to think about the topic. The second statement—“explains when . . . and
why”—gives the purpose for writing. As you carefully read a prompt, look for key
words that
• Identify the purpose for writing (to inform, to instruct, to argue, or to ­persuade).
• Indicate the audience.
• Describe the subject of the essay.

84
 Analyze a Writing Prompt 85

You can remember these key features with this memory device:
PAS = Purpose, Audience, Subject
Think about making a “pass” over the prompt, and underline or highlight
the important words that help you understand the assignment. An annotated
version of the sample prompt might look like Figure 4.2.

FIGURE 4.2 Sample Annotated Prompt

Essay Prompt Annotations

Prompt: College faculty members are Purpose = Explain when

considering the question, “When should classes should begin
classes start in the morning?” Write an essay and give reasons why;
to present at a faculty meeting that explains to persuade
when classes should begin in the morning and Audience = College
why this start time would be beneficial for faculty
students. Subject = College
classes and start time

Next you will read an essay written by a graduate student and researcher
that starts by asking why people need to sleep and presenting various theo-
ries as explanations. This article begins with an imagined dialogue between
the author and an alien from another planet. It also uses APA (American
Psychological Association) style to cite sources with the author and date of
publication.

READING SELECTION
“WHY DO WE SLEEP? THERE ARE PLENTY
OF THEORIES, BUT NOBODY REALLY
KNOWS FOR SURE”

Before Reading: Predict; Identify Audience

Write the answers to the following questions using complete sentences.
1. Read the title of the reading selection and the italicized information
preceding the essay. What do you think is the essay’s topic?
86 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

2. Consider the author and the work in which the essay was published.
Who do you think might be the intended audience?
3. Freewrite on the question, “Why do we sleep?” using your own experi-
ences or what you know, have learned, or have read.

During Reading: Find Main Ideas; Find Support

Practice annotating by completing the following activity.
4. As you read, mark the thesis. If the thesis is not directly stated, write
it in your own words.
5. As you read, identify the main ideas.

Why Do We Sleep?
There are plenty of theories, but nobody really knows for sure
By Teodora Stoica
Scientific American, 25 January 2019
The author, Teodora Stoica, is a PhD candidate in the Translational Neuroscience
Department at the University of Louisville, and writes about science on her personal blog
CuriousCortex. In the following article, published on the Scientific American website
(a magazine focused on science topics), Stoica explains what researchers know and do not
know about the reasons why people need to sleep.

Try to explain to an alien why we sleep. Give it your best shot. 1

“Well, we get tired. And our brain needs to rest.”
“I see. So, you find another way to defend yourself during rest?”
“Well . . . no. Our body is paralyzed, and we lose consciousness.”
There is an awkward pause. The alien tilts its head, feigning understanding.
“But! We sometimes dream!”
“Dream?”

Blindly, unaware of how ridiculous you sound, you continue with unprecedented 2
speed and cadence: “Yes! Dreams are fantastical stories projected from the mind into the
mind, sometimes mixed with things that have already happened!”
You catch your breath, and smile idiotically. 3

“And . . . this helps with survival?”

“Well . . . no. Sometimes the content confuses us in waking life,” you suddenly realize.
The alien blinks silently a few times, furrowing his non-eyebrows:
“Let me see if I understand. Your species spends one third of their lives paralyzed
watching fantasy movies?”
 It is reasonable to assume the human race is doomed at this uncomfortable juncture 4
in the conversation, and aliens will plan their stealthy attack during this incapacitated,
seemingly futile stage of our existence.
But sleep isn’t futile. In fact, theories on sleep assert its role in reenergizing the 5
body’s cells, clearing waste from the brain, and supporting learning and memory. It can
even regulate mood, appetite and libido. Yet what precisely happens in our head when it
hits the pillow? E.T., you got some learnin’ to do.
Reflections on why we sleep have existed since the beginning of recorded history. 6
Some 2,000 years ago, Leucippus, the first “atomist,” described sleep as something that
happened to the body when “the excretion of fine-textured atoms exceeds the accretion
of psychic warmth.” Fanciful.
Another famed ancient, Lucretius, thought sleep is caused by the spirit being 7
attacked and weakened into a state of senescence by mysterious air particles.
Absurd. Lastly, Aristotle distinguished sleep and waking as diametrically opposed
phenomena characterized by the absence or presence of perception. On the money.
He stated: “Sleep is induced by the exhalations of ingested foods which thicken
and heat the blood, rising to the brain where they are cooled before coalescing in
the heart.”
Well at least he had the brain part right. Indeed, electroencephalographic (EEG) 8
data measuring brain waves have categorized sleep into two states: non-REM (or NREM,
further divided into stages S1, S2, S3 and S4) and REM, which repeat every 90 minutes
several times during the night.
When overcome by drowsiness but still awake, brain waves become slower, 9
increase in height (amplitude) and become more synchronous (alpha waves). The
first official stage of sleep serves as transition between awake and sleep, and is
characterized by theta waves, which are even slower in number (frequency) and
greater in amplitude than alpha waves. Many sleep-deprived individuals experience
microsleeps (frighteningly, while driving!), which are second-long temporary sleep
episodes where theta waves replace alpha wave activity. Most people are not even
aware they were asleep.
During stage 2 sleep, theta wave activity continues, interspersed with oscillations 10
between the thalamus, a region of the brain regulating sleep, and the rest of the cortex.
Stages 1 and 2 are relatively “light” stages of sleep, where waking up is easy and the
sleeper might not recognize they were asleep at all.
Onto stage 3 and 4, characterized by delta waves, the slowest and highest amplitude 11
brain waves, the most unlike waking brain waves. Since delta sleep is the deepest sleep, it
is the most difficult stage in which to wake sleepers, and when they are awakened, they
are usually sleepy and disoriented. Interestingly, delta sleep is when sleep walking and
sleep talking is most likely to occur.
During NREM sleep, sensory information continues to be transferred and 12
encoded in a similar way to the brain when awake—especially at the level of
sensory cortices. As sleep progresses, reactivity and awareness decrease.
Perceptual activity becomes progressively autonomous. The mind becomes
focused inwards and becomes less constrained by input from the external
environment.

87
 This pattern is visualized in analyses examining resting-state networks, networks 13
of brain regions activated synchronously. The data show that two networks remain
active similarly to when awake: the default mode network and sensory motor network.
The default mode network is activated during self-generated thought (daydreaming),
while the sensory network is activated during stimulus perception. Connectivity to the
central executive network, a network active during higher-order processing such as
inhibition, is reduced (Figure 1), letting thoughts roam fancy free and creating
illogical scenarios where dragons mothered by a platinum beauty queen roam the
planet—for example.

FIGURE 1. The resting state networks (RSNs) involved in sleep.

Teodora Stoica. Used with permission.

Finally, the one Freud was all excited about: REM. This stage gets its name from 14
the darting eye movements that accompany it (Rapid Eye Movement). Interestingly, it
is also characterized by a sudden and dramatic loss of muscle tone—effectively paralysis.
Importantly, it is neurologically identical to waking (dyssynchronous brain waves) and
further characterized by variable changes in blood pressure, heart rate and overall
breathing rate. And of course, dreams.
Plato was the first to muse psychologically about dreams, stating: “In all of us, even 15
the most highly respectable, there is a lawless wild beast nature, which peers out in sleep.”
This presages Freud’s wish-fulfillment theory of dreaming yet doesn’t neurologically
explain that thing Martin Luther King, Jr., had in 1963.
Firstly, dreams are not hallucinations. While they share some characteristics 16
in common with clinical disorders such as schizophrenia, hallucinations are defined
by whole-brain activation. They are veridical movies projected onto reality that the
individual remembers well. Dreams, in contrast, are characterized by primary and
secondary sensory cortices activation, coupled with disrupted recruitment of the
frontal cortex, gate keeper of important higher-order functions like inhibition.
If the dream is imbibed in high emotional content, the limbic system is also
implicated.

88
 Critically, lack of frontal function opens the floodgates to reduced self-awareness and 17
bizarre dream contents, while restricting any incoming information and creating a tight
self-contained dream loop. This is perhaps most poetically described by Heraclitus, who
commented on the subjective nature of dreams in his memorable phrase, “for those who
are awake there is a single, common universe, whereas in sleep each person turns away
into his own private universe.”
A note on lucid dreaming—being aware that you’re in a dream. A few studies have 18
found evidence for increased activation of the prefrontal cortex during lucid dreaming,
compared to normal REM sleep. The area’s typical deactivation is responsible for the
socially inappropriate behaviors and inability to reason logically that is sometimes
experienced during dreams, if they are remembered upon waking.
In case you don’t remember your dreams, you can always Google them. Seriously. 19
The Google artificial neural network is like a computer brain, inspired by the central
nervous system of animals. When given free rein to create images out of white noise, it
outputs beautiful, intricate, Escher-esque images, what Google engineers are terming “AI
Dreams.” The neural network’s dreams are being used to understand how a computer can
make sense out of nonsense—or learn.
We’ve arrived at E.T.’s original inquiry: “But why do we sleep?” The easiest answer 20
is, we don’t yet know, but theories abound. One theory has to do with sleep playing an
important role in memory consolidation, that is, a memory’s ability to stick. Research
suggests REM sleep strengthens weakened neural circuits holding past memories to
prepare them for future cognitive processing, in addition to filtering out unnecessary
memories. A study by Poe, et al. (2014) articulates this: “The evidence points to an
overall function of embossing of synaptic circuits to add definition to and integrate
memories, distinguishing them from the noise introduced to synaptic weights throughout
wakefulness.”
Termed the “synaptic homeostasis hypothesis,” it suggests that during sleep 21
there is widespread weakening of connections (synapses) throughout the brain. This
is thought to counterbalance the overall strengthening of connections that occurs
during learning when we are awake. By pruning away excess connections, sleep
effectively “cleans the slate” so we can learn again the next day. Interfering with
this scaling down process can, in some cases, lead to more intense (and perhaps
unwanted) memories.
Another theory, since E.T. doesn’t seem impressed, is that sleep is restorative: it 22
flushes out toxins. During sleep, the space between brain cells increases, allowing toxic
proteins to be flushed out. It’s possible that by removing these toxins from the brain,
sleep may stave off neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s. Indeed, in an October
2013 issue of the journal Science, researchers published the results of a study indicating
that the brain utilizes sleep to flush out toxins. This waste removal system, they suggest,
is one of the major reasons why we sleep.
While we don’t have a precise overarching definition of sleep’s function, it impacts 23
different physiological and psychological purposes including cleaning up brain toxins and
consolidating information into memory, so it is possible that each of these theories can
be used to explain why we sleep; we just haven’t worked it out. Give us a break, E.T.,
we’re asleep most of the time.

89
 After Reading: Map the Text
Refer to the reading selection as you answer the following questions
using complete sentences.
6. Review your annotations to determine which paragraph or paragraphs
make up the introduction to this essay. How does the writer use the
introduction to get your interest? Does she succeed in making you
want to read the essay? Why or why not?
7. Review your annotations to determine which paragraph or paragraphs
make up the body of this essay. Do the body paragraphs provide
enough information to convince you of the thesis? Which pieces of
support do you find most convincing?
8. Which paragraph or paragraphs make up the conclusion to this essay?
Does the conclusion give the writer’s opinion on the topic and end
thoughtfully? Explain.

Engage with the Reading

Write responses to the following exercises using complete sentences.

1. Why does the author mention Leucippus, Lucretius, and Aristotle’s theories
about sleep? Do you think reviewing these ancient ideas helps or distracts
from current explanations of what scientists know about sleep?

2. Did you find this reading challenging? Which parts were hardest to understand
and which parts were easier? Explain.

3. Compare your ideas about why people need to sleep from before reading
this article to after reading. Did your thinking change or develop? Explain.

Academic Style: Appositives

One special type of attribution is an appositive, which is a noun or noun phrase that

gives descriptive information about a noun. The appositive usually appears immediately

after the noun, although it can appear right before the noun. An appositive that comes

after a noun is typically followed by a comma or enclosed within commas. An appositive

can give more information about a person, an organization, a publication, or any

other noun.
continued

90
 Examples of Sentences Using Appositives
• Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford University, believes that a student’s
appositive
mindset can powerfully affect learning and academic achievement.

• Education Week, a nonprofit news organization that focuses on K–12 education,

appositive
surveyed teachers about the effect of a growth mindset on students’ learning.

DRAFTING A TENTATIVE THESIS AND

AN ESSAY PLAN
You have chosen an essay topic, carefully read and annotated the prompt, and
done some prewriting and reading on the topic. You feel ready to begin writing.
Where do you start?

Tentative Thesis
Writers often produce many drafts (attempts at writing) before completing a final
essay. To get started on your first draft, try writing a tentative thesis (or ­working
thesis), your first effort at a thesis statement that will guide the initial draft. Your
thesis will most likely change as you write the paper, but a working thesis will
provide a focus to get started. It may be a general statement of the topic and your
approach to the topic, as the following sample tentative thesis shows:
Sample tentative thesis: College students do not get enough sleep.
In this tentative thesis, the subject is college students and sleep; the words do not
get enough express the writer’s attitude. However, the thesis is general. It does
not state why college students do not get enough sleep, why this might be a
problem, or even if there is a particular group of students who suffer more than
others from lack of sleep.
Keep your purpose and audience in mind as you develop your thesis. For
instance, Courtney Roberts, in her essay “To Sleep or Not to Sleep,” uses
research to inform readers that sleep deprivation leads to impaired cognitive
ability. If you are writing about what ­colleges can do to encourage students to
get enough sleep, you might persuade college administrators to take specific
actions to improve students’ quantity of sleep. Also consider your audience: for
whom are you writing? Further refine your tentative thesis with your audience
and purpose in mind. Here’s an example.
Revised Tentative Thesis Statement—Informative: Many years of ­research have
shown that sleep deprivation is detrimental to cognitive ability.

91
92 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

This tentative thesis is informative because it explains why lack of sleep harms
people’s ability to think clearly; the explanations are supported by research and
evidence.
Revised Tentative Thesis Statement—Persuasive: The campus student health
center should inform students about the benefits of getting sufficient sleep.
This tentative thesis is persuasive because it urges the campus student health
center to take action to ensure students are better educated about sleep.

Essay Plan
After you have selected a topic and written a tentative thesis, the next step is to
generate ideas for your essay. Then you can review those ideas with an eye to iden-
tifying the ones you can use. In particular, give attention to which ideas relate to
the purpose of the essay and what support will appeal to your audience. For instance,
college administrators who are interested in the experiences of many students might
be persuaded by research or statistics, while students who are interested in their
own behaviors and health might respond better to personal examples.
You can choose one or more of the following prewriting strategies: reviewing
assigned readings, lecture notes, or class notes; freewriting; listing; creating a
graphic organizer; outlining; or discussing. Often it is useful to use several ­prewriting
strategies to generate more ideas. For instance, Figure 4.3 shows a graphic orga-
nizer that includes details from the reading selection (“Why Do We Sleep? There
are plenty of theories, but nobody really knows for sure”), details from the “Pub-
lished ­Student Essay” (Figure 4.1), and ideas from freewriting about the essay topic.
For a first draft, you might want to plan a three-part organization featuring
the following elements.
• Introduction (a beginning), in which you first present the topic and state your
main idea (the thesis)
• Body (a middle), in which you provide support for your thesis
• Conclusion (end), in which you conclude the main points of the essay

FIGURE 4.3 Graphic Organizer: College Students and Their Sleep Habits

Teodora Stoica states that

sleep plays “an important role
in memory consolidation” g

JJobs,
obs, family obligations, Whether
College As stated in the essay
and studying make it students “To Sleep or Not to
hard for college students and sleep Sleep,” 73% of college
to get enough sleep. students are sleep-deprived.
 Writing an Effective Essay Introduction 93

Next, think about how you will flesh out each part of the essay. At this stage
in the writing process, you might take your prewriting and your notes from
annotated readings and create an essay plan, a rough outline to organize your
thinking. A plan, such as the one shown in Figure 4.4, will change as you write
and develop the essay but should provide a launching point for your first draft.

FIGURE 4.4 Sample Essay Plan

Tentative Thesis: College students, especially those at community

colleges, do not get enough sleep because many are juggling
work, school, and a family life. Foregoing sleep, however, is
counterproductive to learning.
Body Paragraph 1: Sleep deprivation is a serious issue for college
students.
Body Paragraph 2: Working students have a hard time getting
enough sleep.
Body Paragraph 3: Studying can interfere with getting a good
night’s sleep.
Body Paragraph 4: Family life can keep some students up late.
Body Paragraph 5: Social activities can also keep some students
up late.
Body Paragraph 6: Students need to figure out how to get enough
sleep or they won’t learn.
Conclusion: While many demands—academic, career, family,
and social—keep students from getting the sleep they need,
college students must find ways to balance those demands to
successfully achieve their academic goals.

WRITING AN EFFECTIVE ESSAY INTRODUCTION

When readers pick up an essay, they do not necessarily know what the essay will
be about. It is the job of the essay’s introduction to ease readers into the paper—to
help them move from the world around them into the world of the essay. Writers
have various strategies for starting essays. Not all strategies work well in all situ-
ations, but knowing the different options can lead to a successful approach.

Sensible Strategies for Introductions

Writers know that they have only one chance to make a good first impression
on their audience. So the very beginning of the essay must demonstrate that the
94 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

work has valuable content and must engage readers’ interest. The following
examples show the opening sentences in possible introductions. (The writer
would need to follow these opening lines with additional sentences to fully
develop the paragraph.) These time-honored strategies for crafting strong intro-
ductions include
• Introduce and summarize source text(s). Academic writing often requires analy-
sis of texts read in class or located through research. In this case, it is a good
move to name the sources in the introduction. Give the title of the text, state
the author’s full name, and briefly summarize the text. Note that after stating
the full name, you should refer to the author only by the last name.
Example: According to Mary A. Carskadon, a professor at Brown ­University
and author of the article “Forget A’s, B’s, and C’s—What ­Students Need Is
More Zzzz’s,” most college students do not get enough sleep. Carskadon
explains that the average college student sleeps seven and a half hours each
night, when students should be getting eight and a half hours to be fully
rested.
• Give background information. Imagine that your readers are educated but not
necessarily familiar with the topic. In the introduction, briefly tell them what
they need to know about the topic to understand the essay. For ­instance, you
might explain key terms or important ideas, state ­authoritative opinions or
findings about the topic, or provide factual information.
Example: Scientists who have studied sleep have developed different theories
to explain why sleep is necessary for human beings. Researchers believe that
sleep may serve various purposes, such as recharging the brain, releasing
important hormones, consolidating learning, and repairing cells.
• State an interesting fact or statistic. While reading about the topic in preparation
for writing, you perhaps came across a fact or statistic that sparked your interest.
You might use this detail to get your readers interested in the topic, too.

Example: A recent study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health shows

that 70% of college students receive less than the recommended eight hours
of sleep per night.
• Ask a provocative question. Questions can make readers think. Asking a
thought-provoking question, one that does not necessarily have an easy ­answer,
can be a good way to pique your readers’ interest in the topic and encourage
them to read on to find the answer.
Example: Sleep takes up almost one-third of a person’s life. When people
sleep, they are not apparently doing anything productive—not eating or
­drinking, not working or playing. So why do people sleep? What purpose does
sleep serve in people’s lives?
• Tell a story. Describing your own experience can help readers personally con-
nect with the topic. You can tell a story about something that happened to
 Writing an Effective Essay Introduction 95

you or to someone you know, or you might describe what happened to a

person you read or heard about in relation to the topic.

Example: My first semester in college, I had a brilliant plan. I would take all
my classes in the morning and therefore have afternoons free to study and
evenings to hang out with friends. The only problem with this plan was my
friends liked to stay up late, and I had to get up early for a math class that
met at 8:00 a.m. Halfway through math, I would find my eyelids closing and
my head drifting toward the desk. It was embarrassing to be caught by the
­professor napping, and worse news for my grade point average.

• Begin with a quotation. A quotation can be from a world-famous person, from

a campus figure, or in some cases even from your grandmother, as long as it
clearly relates to the topic. Quotations pull readers in and help them think
concretely about the topic.

Example: The American novelist and journalist E. W. Howe once said, “There
is only one thing people like that is good for them; a good night’s sleep.” Yet
most Americans do not get a good night’s sleep.

Introductions to Avoid
Just as there are many effective strategies for writing introductions, there are also
strategies that do not capture readers’ interest and are therefore best avoided.
The beginning of a possible introduction is shown in the following examples.
• Providing unnecessary dictionary definitions. Although you will inevitably need
to define or explain some important terms in an essay, avoid defining terms
that readers know. Also resist giving dictionary definitions that do not help
readers understand the essay’s thesis, as in the following example.

Avoid: According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, sleep means “the natural

state of rest during which your eyes are closed and you become unconscious.”
College students are often sleep deprived.
• Making sweeping generalizations. Sometimes students are taught to start
with a general idea and work down to a specific idea (their thesis) in the
first paragraph. Although this can be a reasonable strategy, beginning with
a statement that is too broad may not provide a sufficiently clear connection
to the topic.

Avoid: Sleep is a big problem in the world today. Every day there are many
people who do not get enough sleep.

• Stating the obvious. Assume that your readers are an educated audience. If
you start out by stating what readers should already know, readers will not be
excited about reading the rest of the essay.

Avoid: Sleep is very important in a college student’s life. If students do not

get enough sleep, they will feel tired.
96 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

WRITING BODY PARAGRAPHS

Body paragraphs are the heart of any essay. As a reader, you will examine body
paragraphs carefully, looking for supporting information. As a writer, you will
use body paragraphs to support your thesis and convince readers that what you
say is true. You can use the basic paragraph structure—topic sentence, supporting
­sentences, and closing sentence—to develop body paragraphs in an essay. You
can also use the various paragraph patterns—analogy, cause-effect, classification,
­comparison-contrast, definition, description, example (or illustration), narration,
and process—to organize information.
Academic writing often follows a pattern that represents a particular way of
thinking about main ideas and support. Academic essay writers accordingly aim
to do several things in a body paragraph, such as
• Present the main point, often in a topic sentence.
• Give support for the main idea, such as examples, details, quotations, facts,
and statistics.
• Provide an explanation for how the support illustrates the main idea.
• Provide a closing sentence that sums up the main idea.
Study the example in Figure 4.5 to understand how a paragraph can use
different kinds of support for its topic sentence.

FIGURE 4.5 Sample Body Paragraph

Body Paragraph Annotations

One reason for not getting sufficient sleep is work. College costs Topic Sentence
money, so students need to work to pay tuition or buy books. A 2019
report by the Association of Community College Trustees found that
68% of community college students hold down a job while taking Support: Statistics
classes. Moreover, the same study showed that 60% of community Support: Statistics
college students work 16 or more hours per week. My best friend, Support: Example
Alex, who works at a shop in the mall, exemplifies those students.
Alex works from six o’clock until closing time, which can be ten on
weekdays or eleven on weekends. Then Alex has to stay after the
store closes to straighten up the shelves, do inventory, and lock up.
Alex often does not get home until after midnight. Other students I know Support: Example
take on extra hours at work during the holiday season in November and
December, which is also when term papers and final exams are
coming up. Extra hours at work and extra work at school mean less Support: Explanation
time to sleep. It’s a dilemma for many students who work to pay for Closing Sentence
college, but who then lose the sleep they need to do well in college
because they are working.
 Writing a Strong Conclusion 97

WRITING A STRONG CONCLUSION

The last paragraph of the essay should help readers arrive at a satisfying conclu-
sion. It should communicate a reason why the information in the essay is impor-
tant. As a reader, look to the conclusion to pull together the essay’s main ideas.
As a writer, use your conclusion to help readers see the value of the information
in the essay.

Sensible Strategies for Writing a Conclusion

The conclusion is the writer’s opportunity to have the final say on the essay
topic. A strong conclusion leaves the reader feeling satisfied that the topic has
been explained well and that it was worthwhile to have read the paper. Choose
from the following ­strategies for creating a conclusion that hits the mark.
• Ask yourself, “So what?” A good way to end your essay is to consider the
question “So what?” In other words, why is your topic important? Why does
it matter? Answer questions like these in the last paragraph.
• Come full circle. Look back at your introduction to get inspiration for the ­conclusion.
For instance, if you began with a story, you might end with the resolution of that
story. If you started with a question, you might end with the answer.
• Synthesize. Often a conclusion can be more specific about the main idea of
the essay than the introduction can be. After presenting information and sup-
port in the body paragraphs, you can pull these details together—­synthesize
them—in the final section, explaining clearly and concisely how the support
reinforces the main idea.
• Go beyond. Although your conclusion should not introduce completely new
ideas into the essay, you can suggest that readers think about the logical
consequences of the ideas you presented. For instance, if the essay analyzed
a problem, the conclusion may suggest a solution. If the essay looked at an
issue, the conclusion might help readers come to a new understanding of that
issue. A thoughtful conclusion might even help readers connect the important
ideas in the essay to their own lives.

Conclusions to Avoid
Some strategies for ending essays should be avoided because they are not interest-
ing or effective. Some are listed here.
• Summarizing by unnecessarily repeating information. Often students are
instructed to summarize the essay or to repeat the thesis in the conclusion.
Although it is possible to do so effectively, simply repeating what you have
already stated can seem tedious or unnecessary.
• Being vague or indecisive. You might weaken your main idea if you undercut
your argument by making an unhelpful qualifying statement such as “Everyone
can have a different opinion on this topic.” If you have asserted a thesis and
supported that thesis, then stick by it to the end.
98 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

• Introducing new ideas or new support. Important ideas and support belong in
the body paragraphs, not in the conclusion. If you find yourself developing a
new idea with supporting evidence, consider writing another body paragraph
before composing the conclusion.

REVISING AND EDITING TO IMPROVE

AN ESSAY DRAFT
The first draft is usually the beginning of an essay writing assignment. Experienced
writers know that they must reread and rewrite their first draft several times until
their paper meets the expectations of the assignment and of their readers, as well
as of themselves as writers. After composing a first draft, writers should take a
break—for an hour or even a day—and then reread the draft with fresh eyes.
Revising a draft involves looking at its organization and support to resolve
problems in these areas. When reading an essay to revise, be sure the various
sections do what they are supposed to do.
• First, determine whether the essay has a clear thesis and the draft stays
­focused on the thesis.
• Next, look at the body paragraphs to determine whether they have topic
sentences and closing sentences related to the thesis. In addition, information
in each body paragraph should relate closely to the topic sentence and thereby
support it in a compelling way.
• Finally, check that the essay has an introduction that establishes the topic and
captures the reader’s interest and that the draft ends with a satisfying
conclusion.
Use the checklist in “Strategies for an Effective Essay” to focus on the vari-
ous parts of the draft, ask critical questions, and resolve any problems.

Strategies for an Effective Essay

1. Does the essay have a clear thesis?
Yes.
Could be improved. (Describe how the thesis could be clearer.)
2. Does the essay have an introduction that sets the topic for the paper and
attracts the reader’s interest?
Yes.
 Could be improved. (Describe how the introduction could be
improved.)
3. Do the body paragraphs have clear topic sentences and closing
sentences?
Yes.
 Could be improved. (Identify where the topic sentences or closing
sentences could be clearer.)

continued
 Revising and Editing to Improve an Essay Draft 99

4. Do the body paragraphs include compelling supporting information?

Yes.
Could be improved. (Explain how.)
5. Does the essay have a satisfying conclusion?
Yes.
Could be improved. (Explain how.)

Another strategy for revising is to read your draft and write comments in
the margins. Alternatively, you can ask a trusted individual, such as a tutor or a
knowledgeable classmate, to do so. During the first reading of a first draft, take
care to examine the thesis, the body paragraphs and supporting evidence, and
the introduction and conclusion for effectiveness. Focus on positive aspects of
the essay, unclear parts, and specific areas needing improvement. The essay draft
in ­Figure 4.6 has been annotated with comments to help with revision.

FIGURE 4.6 Draft of an Essay, with Comments

Essay Draft Comments on Draft

Sleep deprivation is a serious problem for college students. According Good to include a quotation
to Mary A. Carskadon, a professor of psychiatry and human behavior in the beginning to show
at Brown University, college students who do not get enough sleep importance of sleep.
“report lower grades and more trouble with coursework.” There are Thesis: Be more specific:
many reasons why college students do not get enough sleep. identify reasons.
Ironically, students who do not get enough sleep report lower Make this the topic
grades, but that might be because students have to study. Often sentence?
they study late into the night, and that keeps them from getting a Include more evidence
good night’s sleep. Although it’s not the best thing to do, some or details in paragraph
students stay up the night before a test cramming or stay up the to show how poor study
night before a paper is due writing their essay. Staying up until the habits interfere with sleep.
wee hours of the morning means that they lose sleep. Students may
This detail seems out
also drink coffee or energy drinks to keep themselves awake. So in
of place.
an attempt to get good grades, students may actually be getting
poorer grades because they are depriving themselves of sleep. Nice concluding sentence
that sums up the dilemma
When they are not studying, students like to spend time with
for students.
their friends and socialize. No longer in high school, college students
can stay up as late as they like. And the temptation when everyone Make topic sentence more
else is talking, partying, having a good time is to join in the fun. clearly related to sleep?
There’s no parent to tell the student when to be home or go to Maybe write a separate
bed. So students often lose track of time in the quest to have fun. paragraph about how
Plus some students work. Not all students can party. They have to work makes students
work to support themselves and help pay for school and this adds sleep-deprived?
stress to their lives and makes them lose sleep.
100 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

FIGURE 4.6 Draft of an Essay, with Comments (continued)

Essay Draft Comments on Draft

College students face many demands, but they still need adequate Good idea to reference
sleep. Sleep researcher Teodora Stoica tells us that sleep is necessary the reading and explain
for “strengthening of connections that occur during learning when we why sleep is important.
are awake” and that sleep clears our brains “so we can learn again the
next day” (qtd. in Kuehner 127). Roberts, in her paper “To Sleep or Not Explain Roberts’s ideas
to Sleep,” explains how sleep improves our thinking and ability to in more detail.
retain information. This means that sleep is necessary for college
students to process their learning.
One solution to the problem of students not sleeping enough was Conclusion could be
pointed out in the article “Forget A’s, B’s, and C’s—What Students stronger, more definite
Need Is More Zzzz’s.” The article stated that at the University of statement about sleep
Arizona an advertising campaign helped students understand the and more realistic
need for sleep. A little bit of sleep can go a long way toward making solutions.
students feel better and get better grades. Maybe more schools
should help educate students about good sleep habits.

If you read and assessed your own draft, you should review the comments
and make changes to improve the writing. If someone else read and commented
on your draft, evaluate the comments thoughtfully before acting. You might
have received some helpful suggestions for improving the essay. However, you
might also have received feedback that is unclear or does not serve the purpose
of your paper. As the author, you need to decide how best to revise your writ-
ing. Take the comments that make sense and will improve the draft, and revise
accordingly. Finally, read your draft carefully to edit the sentences and words,
and to proofread for correctness. After revising, continue the writing process
to polish your paper.
Figure 4.7 shows a revision of the draft essay in Figure 4.6 that takes into
account the comments in Figure 4.6.

FIGURE 4.7 Revised Draft of an Essay

Sleep deprivation is a serious problem for college students. One

statistic, cited in the article “To Sleep or Not to Sleep” estimates that 73% of
college students do not get enough sleep (Roberts 121), while more recent
research finds that 60% of college students suffer from “poor sleep
quality” and almost 8% of college students experience insomnia
 Revising and Editing to Improve an Essay Draft 101

FIGURE 4.7 Revised Draft of an Essay (continued)

(qtd. in Schlarb et al.). These statistics indicate that a substantial number

of college students are not getting the recommended amount of sleep
that they need to do well in their classes. In fact, sleep deprivation has
been linked to poorer grades and a lower quality of life (Schlarb et al.),
even to depression and suicidal thoughts (Becker et al.). Given these
issues, why don’t college students get enough sleep? The answer is that
for many students who are juggling work, school, and a social life, a
good night’s sleep is the last priority. Foregoing sleep, however, is
counterproductive to being a successful student.
One reason for not getting sufficient sleep is work. College costs
money, so students need to work to pay tuition or buy books. A 2019
report by the ­Association of Community College Trustees found that
68% of community college students hold down a job while taking
classes. Moreover, the same study showed that 60% of community
college students work 16 or more hours per week. My best friend, Alex,
who works at a shop in the mall, exemplifies those students. Alex works
from six o’clock until closing time, which can be ten on weekdays or
eleven on weekends. Then Alex has to stay after the store closes to
straighten up the shelves, do inventory, and lock up. Alex often does not
get home until after midnight. Other students I know take on extra hours
at work during the holiday season in November and December, which is
also when term papers and final exams are coming up. Extra hours at
work and extra work at school mean less time to sleep. It’s a dilemma for
many students who work to pay for college, but who then lose the sleep
they need to do well in college because they are working.
When they are not working, students like to spend time with their
friends or family. No doubt it’s important for a student’s mental health to
have downtime and connect with others. Indeed, “late-night socializing”
is noted as a challenge to good sleep in the research study on “Causes
and ­Consequences of Sleepiness among College Students” (Hershner
and Chervin). This makes sense given that younger students right out of
high school can stay up as late as they like. These students may be
tempted to hang out and party, to have a good time. After all, part of the
102 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

FIGURE 4.7 Revised Draft of an Essay (continued)

college experience is late-night bull sessions and freedom from parents

who set the rules for getting home and going to bed. These students
often lose sleep in the quest to have fun.
Not all students can party, though. Some students have a family
they are responsible for. The same research study cited previously notes
that “early or late obligations” are factors that cut into sleep (Hershner
and Chervin). Students who are parents might have to get up early to
prepare children for school. Then, in the evenings, student parents
might need to pick up their kids, feed them dinner, help them with
homework, and put them to bed before they can hit the books
themselves. Whether having fun with friends or being a good parent,
students are people with personal lives that can sometimes make them
choose that over sleep.
Ironically, often students do not get enough sleep because they
have to study. Although it’s not the best strategy, some students stay up
the night before a test cramming or stay up the night before a paper is
due writing their essay. Other more responsible students, like my friend
who works at the mall, may be able to study only after they come home
from work. That means staying up until two or three in the morning to
complete their reading and assignments. To keep themselves awake,
these students may drink coffee or energy drinks, which then make it
hard to go to sleep. Indeed, the Hershner and Chervin research study
cites “caffeine and energy drinks,” as well as “stimulant use,” as factors
that prevent college students from having a good night’s sleep. In an
attempt to achieve good grades, students may actually be getting
poorer grades because they are depriving themselves of sleep.
College students face many demands, but if they truly want to
succeed as college students, they need adequate sleep. Sleep
researcher Teodora Stoica tells us that sleep is necessary for
“strengthening of connections that ­occur during learning when we are
awake” and that sleep clears our brains “so we can learn again the next
day” (qtd. in Kuehner 127). Roberts, in her paper “To Sleep or Not to
Sleep,” explains how sleep improves our thinking and ability to retain
 Revising and Editing to Improve an Essay Draft 103

FIGURE 4.7 Revised Draft of an Essay (continued)

information. She points to research ­published in ­Science suggesting that

sleep clears out toxic waste when we sleep, allowing our brains to
function more effectively. Moreover, even though we can learn new
information while we are awake, our brains consolidate or store
information we have learned during the day when we sleep at night
­(Roberts). This means that sleep is necessary for college students to
process their learning.
It’s hard being a college student: studying and working, maintaining
a social life and meeting family obligations, often keep students from
getting their much-needed sleep. Students must try to prioritize their
lives and recognize they can’t do everything well if they are sleep
deprived. Solutions might include cutting back on the number of classes
in a term or the number of hours at work, foregoing some social events
during midterm and final exam times. One thing that should not be
sacrificed, however, is getting a good night’s sleep.

Works Cited
Association of Community College Trustees. The College—Work
Balancing Act, 2019. acct.org/files/Working%20Students%20
Supports%20Report.pdf.
Becker, Stephen, et al. “Sleep in a Large, Multi-university Sample of
College Students: Sleep Problem Prevalence, Sex Differences,
and Mental Health Correlates.” Sleep Health, vol. 4, no. 2, 2008,
pp. 174–81, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleh.2018.01.001.
Hershner, Shelley D., and Ronald D. Chervin. “Causes and
Consequences of Sleepiness among College Students.” Nature
and Science of Sleep, vol. 6, 2014, pp. 73–84, https://doi
.org/10.2147/NSS.S62907.
Roberts, Courtney. “To Sleep or Not to Sleep: That Is the College
Student’s Eternal Question.” Grey Matters, 23 Nov. 2013.
Schlarb, Anita A., Anja Friedrich, and Merle Claßen. “Sleep Problems in
University Students—An Intervention.” Neuropsychiatric Disease
and Treatment, vol. 13, 2017, pp. 1989–2001.
Stoica, Teodora. “Why Do We Sleep?” Scientific American, 25 Jan. 2019.
104 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

Activity 4.1 Choose a Prompt for an Essay on

Students and Sleep
Select one of the prompts that follow to help you focus your reading and plan
an essay about sleep as you navigate through this chapter.
1. What happens when people, especially college students, do not get
enough sleep? Describe the effects of lack of sleep on a student’s
study, work, or personal life. Write your essay directed at your fellow
students.
2. The college staff wants to know, “What can colleges do to encourage
students to get enough sleep?” Write an essay to present to faculty, staff,
and administrators at your college’s health center explaining your
perspective on this question.
3. Write an essay for your college newspaper giving advice to your fellow
students about what college students can do to be sure they get enough
sleep. In your essay, identify some activities that might be keeping
students from getting enough sleep, such as working, using social media,
or studying late at night, and suggest solutions for dealing with these
obstacles.
4. Write an essay to be published in the Chronicle of Higher Education, a
publication for college faculty and administrators, explaining the main
reasons why college students do not get enough sleep. Write the essay
from a student’s point of view.
5. As a project for your health class, write an essay persuading students that
getting a good night’s sleep is in their best interest and describing ways to
get enough sleep. Imagine this essay will be e-mailed to every student on
campus as part of a back-to-school health campaign in the beginning of
the fall semester.
6. The published student essay (Figure 4.1) concludes that when college
students consider whether or not to sleep, “Sleep should be chosen over
the extra couple of hours of studying.” Write an essay aimed at fellow
college students in which you explain when it might be acceptable or
necessary for students to choose not to sleep so they can engage in some
other activity. Be specific about when, why, and what students might do
instead of sleeping, and justify those choices.

Activity 4.2 Annotate an Essay Prompt

Complete the following exercise.
Review the essay prompt you selected in Activity 4.1. Annotate the prompt,
identifying the essay’s PAS—purpose, audience, and subject.
 Revising and Editing to Improve an Essay Draft 105

Activity 4.3 Prewrite

Complete the following exercises.
1. Using the topic you selected for Activity 4.1, do some freewriting,
brainstorming, or listing about that topic by jotting down ideas.
2. Using the topic you selected for Activity 4.1, review the reading selections
in this chapter, looking for ideas related to your essay purpose and
information that would appeal to your audience.

Activity 4.4 Write a Tentative Thesis

and an Essay Plan
Complete the following exercises.
1. Create a graphic organizer that includes details from the reading selection
and any ideas from brainstorming, freewriting, or listing related to your
essay topic. Put your main idea in a center circle, and add links to
connecting circles that have supporting examples, details, and information.
2. Using your graphic organizer, write a tentative thesis statement.
3. Create a plan for your essay using your tentative thesis and the information
in your graphic organizer. Include notes for each part of the essay:
introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Activity 4.5 Read and Write Introductions

1. Review the first paragraph of the essay “To Sleep or Not to Sleep” in
Figure 4.1. What strategy does the writer use in the introduction? Might you
use a similar strategy to begin your essay? Explain.
2. Review the first paragraph of “Why Do We Sleep?” and your response to
exercise 6 from the reading selection’s “After Reading” activity. What
strategy does the writer, Teodora Stoica, use to begin her essay? Might you
use a similar strategy to begin your essay? Explain.
3. Review your notes from Activities 4.2, 4.3, and 4.4. Select one of the
sensible strategies for writing an introduction and compose an introduction
for your own essay.
4. Review your notes from Activities 4.2, 4.3, and 4.4. Select one of the
sensible strategies for writing an introduction—a different one from what you
used in exercise 3—and compose another introduction for your essay.
106 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

Pair and Share

With a classmate, exchange and read your two introductions (from exer-
cises 3 and 4 in Activity 4.5). Explain which introduction you find more
effective and why.

Activity 4.6 Read and Write Body Paragraphs

1. Review the body paragraphs of the essay “To Sleep or Not to Sleep” in
Figure 4.1. Might you use similar paragraph structures in your essay?
Explain.
2. Review the body paragraphs in the reading selection (“Why Do We Sleep?”)
and your answer to question 7 in the “After Reading” activity for the
reading. Might you use similar paragraph structures in your essay? Explain.
3. Review your notes from Activities 4.2, 4.3, and 4.4. Try writing a body
paragraph for your essay. Begin with a topic sentence, provide support and
explanation for that topic sentence, and include a closing sentence.
4. Review your notes from Activities 4.2, 4.3, and 4.4. Write as many more
body paragraphs as you need to develop the ideas for your essay.

Pair and Share

With a classmate, exchange your body paragraphs (from exercises 3 and
4 in Activity 4.6). Suggest more strategies to develop the main ideas in
each body paragraph, such as with information from r­eadings or with
more examples or details.

Activity 4.7 Read and Write Conclusions

Complete the following exercises.
1. Review the conclusion of the essay “To Sleep or Not to Sleep” in
Figure 4.1. What strategy did the writer use? Might you use a similar
strategy to end your essay? Explain.
2. Review the conclusion of the reading selection “Why Do We Sleep?” and
your response to exercise 8 in the “After Reading” activity for the reading.
Might you use a similar strategy to end your essay? Explain.
3. Review your notes from Activities 4.2, 4.3, and 4.4. Select one of the
sensible strategies for writing a conclusion and compose a conclusion for
your own essay.
4. Select one of the sensible strategies for writing a conclusion—a different
one from what you used in exercise 3—and compose another conclusion
for your essay.
 Chapter Review 107

Pair and Share

With a classmate, exchange your two conclusions (from exercises 3 and 4
in Activity 4.7). Explain which conclusion you find more effective and why.

Activity 4.8 Read to Revise a Draft

Use the essay you wrote for the activities in this chapter to complete the fol-
lowing exercises.
1. Study Figures 4.3 and 4.4 and notice the changes between the first draft
and the revised draft. Why do you think the writer made the changes? How
do the changes improve the draft? Do you agree with the changes that the
writer made? Are there parts of the writing you would have kept in or
taken out that the writer did not? Explain your answer.
2. Use “Strategies for an Effective Essay” to revise your essay by reading
your draft and completing the checklist.
3. Read your essay and your comments on it. Mark parts of the draft that are
effective or ineffective. Focus on concerns such as organization, coherence
and unity of body paragraphs, and effectiveness of the introduction and
conclusion, but not on grammar and spelling.
4. Read your essay again, focusing on the sentences, word choice, and
correctness. Make any changes needed to improve the writing.

Pair and Share

• Give your essay draft to a classmate or someone else you trust and ask
that person to complete the checklist in “Strategies for an Effective Essay.”
• Give your draft to a classmate or someone else you trust and ask that
person to write comments on it, looking at what is effective or not and
making suggestions for improvement. Have your reader focus on the
thesis, organization, and support, not on grammar and spelling.

CHAPTER REVIEW

Key Terms
body The middle section of an essay, which explains, supports, and
­develops the thesis.
body paragraph A paragraph in the middle of the essay that provides
support for the essay’s thesis.
conclusion The end of an essay, in which the writer summarizes the
­information presented in the body of the essay or gives final thoughts.
108 4 The Writing Product: Academic Essay Fundamentals

essay A piece of writing consisting of several paragraphs that expresses

an author’s point of view on a particular topic.
introduction The beginning of an essay, which establishes what the
essay is about, sets the tone, gets the reader’s interest, and introduces
the thesis statement.
prompt Directions for a writing assignment including the topic and spe-
cific instructions for writing about the topic.
tentative (working) thesis An initial thesis statement that guides a writer
during drafting.
thesis statement A sentence that gives the topic of the essay and the
­writer’s opinion on the essay topic.

Chapter Summary
• Essays, which are the most typical type of student writing, consist of
an introduction, a body, and a conclusion.
• Before writing an essay, it is a good practice to carefully read and
annotate the prompt to ensure you understand the subject, audience,
and ­purpose of the assignment.
• To get started writing a first draft, you may find it helpful to compose
a tentative thesis and create an essay plan.
• An effective introduction sets the essay topic, gets the reader’s atten-
tion, and states the thesis.
• Each body paragraph includes a topic sentence and closing sentence
and provides essential supporting information.
• The essay’s conclusion should communicate why the information in the
essay is important and help readers feel satisfied about the ideas and
their value.
• Revising a draft involves rereading and rewriting with the goal of
improving the writing.

Chapter Activities
Follow the instructions in each exercise.
1. Locate an essay about sleep in your college library. Identify the essay’s
introduction, body, and conclusion by annotating the work. If it is not
feasible to annotate the essay, determine which paragraphs compose
the different parts of the essay by referring to them by paragraph
numbers.
2. Evaluate the essay about sleep that you found in the library (from
­exercise 1). Using complete sentences, comment on the effectiveness
of the essay’s introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Explain
your evaluations.
 Chapter Review 109

3. Now that you know the importance of sleep, what, if anything, will you
do to change your sleep routine? Explain using information from the
readings in the chapter, as well as your own experiences.

Work Cited
Schlarb, Anita A., Anja Friedrich, and Merle Claßen. “Sleep Problems
in University Students—An Intervention.” Neuropsychiatric Disease
and Treatment, vol. 13, 2017, pp. 1989–2001.

Credits
pp. 86–89: Stoica, Teodora. “Why Do We Sleep?” Scientific American, January 25, 2019.
Used with permission.
 SPOTLIGHT ON
­STUDENT WRITING
Response Essay
In this Spotlight chapter, you will practice reading and writing skills to
evaluate any piece of writing, including your own writing and the writing
of other students. You will apply ­annotation skills to student writing, with
an eye toward revising and editing. ­

ANNOTATING TO EVALUATE STUDENT WRITING

Annotating your own writing can help you to better understand its struc-
ture and effectiveness. You might also read and annotate a classmate’s
writing to provide feedback to improve the paper. An effective strategy
when reading to annotate is to read the paper at least two times.
• During a first reading, focus on understanding the main ideas and
examples to ensure that the purpose and organization of the writing
are clear.
• On a second reading, focus on evaluating the paper by ­assessing the
strengths of the writing or considering what could be improved. Note
what is effective about the writing so that the writer will retain those
parts, but also point out where the writing is weak so the writer can
revise and improve those parts.
After each reading, make annotations. Here are some strategies for
successful annotations:

First Reading: Annotations for Comprehension

• Note the title to identify the topic.
• Underline main ideas, such as the thesis or concluding statements,
to discover the paper’s organization.
• Mark examples to determine the support for the main ideas.
• Write brief summaries of main ideas and examples in the margin to
­reinforce your comprehension of the writing.

Second Reading: Annotations for Evaluation

• Look for places in the paper where the writing is effective and label
those places with words such as “Good” or “Strong.”
• Be specific about what is effective. For instance, rather than writing
“Good example,” you can write “Good example of how you worked
hard in school to be successful.”

110
• Look for places in the paper where the writing could be improved
and label those places using words such as “Unclear” or “Confusing.”
Avoid judgmental terms like “Bad” or “Boring.”
• Be specific about what is not effective. For instance, rather than writ-
ing, “Confusing sentence,” you can write, “I don’t understand why
you mention your dog eating your homework or how that relates to
failing math.”
• Ask questions if you are not sure whether the writing is effective. For
instance, you might ask a question about how the paper is formatted
or whether the writer needs to use examples from the reading.

SAMPLE STUDENT PAPERS

This Spotlight chapter includes two sample student papers to read and
consider. The first student paper is marked to demonstrate effective anno-
tations. The second paper is not marked; you can use it to practice
annotating.
The students responded to a specific writing prompt. After reading
Carol Dweck’s article “Brainology,” students had a choice of prompts to
write about, including the following.
Writing Prompt: Carol Dweck’s research indicates that students with
growth mindsets are more successful academically than students with
fixed mindsets. Based on your experience and observations, do you
agree that a growth mindset leads to greater academic success than
a fixed mindset?
The two student papers—Alejandra Jimenez’s “The Good, the Bad, and
the Math” and Veronica Alvarez’s “Involuntary Resignation”—were written
in response to this prompt. For this assignment, which was the first paper
due in the course, students were encouraged to explain Dweck’s ideas
about fixed and growth mindset and to use their own experiences or
observations to reflect on Dweck’s ideas. As you read, notice how the
students ­respond very differently to Dweck’s ideas and how each uses
her own ­experiences to support her response.
The first paper, by Jimenez, is annotated by a reviewer. First, the
­reviewer read the paper to understand the writer’s thesis, main ideas, and
examples. Then the reviewer reread the paper to evaluate the strengths
and weaknesses of the writing. Notice there are annotations on the paper
itself, in the right margin, and in the left margin. Here is an explanation
of these annotations:
• Annotations in the right margin. The title, thesis, and main ideas are
summarized in the right-hand column to check comprehension and
are highlighted in blue on the paper. E ­ xamples are indicated with the
abbreviation “EX” and briefly ­summarized.
• Annotations in the left margin. Responses to the paper, such as what
is effective, what is not clear, or questions the reader had, appear in
the left column and are highlighted in orange on the paper.

111
 Notice the paper is not overly marked up. Writing too many com-
ments can be overwhelming and counterproductive for the reviewer and
for the writer. Instead, most reviewers strive to highlight the main ideas
and examples and to include a few well-chosen comments that focus
on the most important aspects of the writing. Review this annotation
strategy by studying Jimenez’s paper. Then practice reading and anno-
tating by applying these strategies to the second student paper, which
is not annotated.

Annotations for Annotations for

Evaluation Comprehension

Jimenez 1

Alejandra Jimenez

Professor Kuehner

English 151RW

20 September 2015

Title suggests
topic: math
Fun title! The Good, the Bad, and the Math and growth
and fixed
In Carol Dweck’s article, “Brainology: Transforming Student’s Motivation to mindsets
Learn,” she states that people have different types of learning mindsets; “fixed”
Good explana-
tions of fixed or “growth” mindset. With her research, she has found that many students have
and growth
a “fixed” mindset, which is when the student believes that he or she cannot
mindsets
change or enhance their intelligence. They think that they either have an innate

intelligence or they do not. In contrast to a “fixed mindset,” people with a

“growth” mindset believe that they can improve their intelligence through hard

work and perseverance. Dweck claims that having a growth mindset can make

a person do better academically than someone with a fixed mindset. I agree Thesis
responds to
that people with a growth mindset do better academically than those with a the prompt—
Is it OK to
agrees with
use “I” in the
paper or in fixed mindset because a person with a growth mindset wants to learn and Dweck
the thesis?
improve, while a person with a fixed mindset gets held back. The amount of

112
 Jimenez 2
Clearly sets up times I have heard students say that they are “bad at math” is a grand one. EX: how she
focus on math changed from
in rest of Unfortunately, I was one of them. I had a fixed mindset in math. I for one fixed to growth
paper mindset; con-
thought I would never improve in math but with enough effort and a growth
nects fixed
Be more mindset, I did. mindset to
specific about herself in math
“people”— Dweck states that people with a fixed mindset “worry about how
maybe say
EX: quote
“students” much . . . intelligence they possess.” They think that the amount of
from Dweck
intelligence they have cannot be altered. They believe that what they have is
Strong quotes
in this all they are going to get. They do not seem to believe that they can reach
paragraph Main idea: has
their full potential. They give up right away without even trying. This is exactly a fixed mind-
set in math
what I thought when it came to math. Every year I dreaded my math class

because it was the only class I felt behind in. Everyone else seemed to fully

understand the material except for me. All I could think was, “They get it, EX: quote to
show a fixed
you do not, and there is nothing you can do about it.” I felt embarrassed. mindset

I decided not to try in math at all so people would think that the only reason EX: not trying,
not doing
I was failing was because I would not do my work and not because I did not work
understand the material. Little did I know that with a growth mindset and

perseverance I could change all of that.

Dweck also states that people with a growth mindset “understand that EX: quote
Clear from Dweck
explanation even Einstein wasn’t Einstein until he put in years of focused hard work.”
of Dweck’s
growth People with a growth mindset know they will not be as smart as, say, Einstein
mindset
right away, but they know that they do have the potential to become very

intelligent. They are motivated by this; they want to have the feeling of
accomplishing something. They do not mind all the hard work they have to

put in because they want to reach their full potential, and in the end, that is
EX: quote
Is it necessary the main goal. It is as Jane Austen once wrote, “The distance is nothing from Austen
to write “I
think”? when one has a motive. . . .” What I think this quote means is that no matter

how long it takes people to accomplish something, it should not matter

because they have this strong motivation to get to their destination. I feel Main idea:
switches
that they do better academically because they do not believe that they are from fixed
to growth
bad at something, they just feel that they need to improve. This was a mindset
turning point for me.

113
 Jimenez 3

Very good In my math class I began to realize that many of the students were not
point! Hard
work is neces- “good” at math because they were born with that natural ability; it was due
sary to learn
to the fact that they put all the effort they had into getting a better grade.
math EX: working
This made me want to try my hardest the rest of the year. Every day in my class, hard and ask-
ing questions
I would ask questions and ask for help. Whenever there was a chance for
Effective
details about
extra credit, I would take it. I would constantly do practice tests every day.
what a growth By the end of the year, I had received a B in the class and I was proud of
mindset looks
like myself. It felt great to finally have a high grade in math. I did not stop there
EX: getting a
however. Knowing that I was capable of getting a B, I decided to aim for a good grade

higher grade. To this day I am working on getting an A in my math class.

Main idea:
Strong Even if I do not get a high grade right away, I know that I am able to achieve with a growth
sentence mindset, did
it as long as I put effort into it. well in math

In the end, my experience has led me to the conclusion that a growth Main idea:
growth
mindset can definitely lead to academic success. With a fixed mindset, I did mindset and
improvement
not achieve anything. On the other hand, with a growth mindset, I became in math
“good” at math. Dweck demonstrates that a fixed mindset should not be a reinforces
the thesis
limitation but rather be motivation to develop a growth mindset. Having a

fixed mindset can negatively affect academic achievements if one feels

incapable of reaching his or her goal, but with enough willpower, it can

change from a weakness to a strength.

114
 Jimenez 4
Work Cited
Dweck, Carol. “Brainology. Transforming Students’ Motivation to Learn.”
Independent School Magazine, National Association of Independent
Schools, winter 2008, https://www.nais.org/magazine/independent-
school/winter-2008/brainology/.

STUDENT PAPER
Now it is your turn to read and annotate a student paper. Use the annota-
tion strategies and the examples of annotations on Jimenez’s paper to
guide you as you review Alvarez’s paper.

Before Reading: Predict

Respond to the following using complete sentences.
1. Consider the title of the paper. How do you think the student will
­respond to Dweck’s ideas? For instance, do you think she will agree
or disagree with Dweck?

During Reading: Annotate; Evaluate

Complete the following exercises.
2. As you read, underline the writer’s thesis and main ideas. Then briefly
summarize these in the margins. Identify the examples.
3. What do you think are the most effective aspects of Alvarez’s
paper? Be specific by referencing words or sentences, exam-
ples, or paragraphs that you feel are especially strong and jotting
down why.
4. Are there any parts of the paper you feel could be improved?
If so, identify these specifically by referencing words or sen-
tences, examples, or paragraphs and noting how these could be
stronger.

115
 Alvarez 1

Veronica Alvarez
Professor Kuehner
English 151RW
15 February 2016
Involuntary Resignation
In the article “Brainology,” author Carol S. Dweck states that by
having a fixed mindset we have less probabilities of being successful
rather than the ones with a growth mindset. But . . . is this true? Can we
guarantee that we will be successful by having a growth mindset? I
admit I do agree with Dweck’s observations of both mindsets: putting in
effort and challenging ourselves with new things to increase our
intelligence (growth mindset) is indeed more beneficial for us compared
to convincing our mind that intelligence is a talent that we either have or
not (fixed mindset). However, throughout my life, I have observed and
known many people that started with a growth mindset and ended up
converting into a fixed mindset. How is this possible? After experiencing
high school in two different countries—Mexico and United States—I was
able to notice that those who switched into a fixed mindset did not do it
because they wanted to, but because they realized that they had no
other option and gave up. In some places, putting effort into learning
and being academically successful is still not enough. In Mexico, for
example, if students do not have enough money to attend and actually
graduate from a prestigious school, even if they have a growth mindset,
there is a very low possibility that they will achieve their dream job . . . or
any job. Having a growth mindset does not guarantee our success.
When I read the article “Brainology” for the first time, I was amazed
by the author’s splendid explanation about fixed and growth mindsets. I
enjoyed reading it so much that I decided to read it a second time, but
this time there was a specific sentence that caught my attention in which

116
 Alvarez 2
author Dweck described the fixed mindset in a student: “They don’t want
to make mistakes and feel dumb—and, most of all, they don’t want to
work hard and feel dumb. So they simply retire.” After reading this, it
made me think for a moment. Do students really retire because they
have a fixed mindset and don’t want to feel “dumb,” or because they lost
the motivation to keep studying? But really, both mindsets can drop out
of school because of lack of motivation—not only fixed mindsets. After
studying the first two years of high school in Mexico, I realized that there
are many bright minds that are being wasted there; so many students
with a growth mindset that, because of life circumstances, do not get to
be as successful as they could. In order to obtain success, in whatever
place that we happen to live in, we need money to attend a college or
university. Of course, there are many financial aids and scholarships that
can help students to not drop out because of their economic problems.
However, being a student without enough resources to attend a
distinguished school becomes quite more complex when they live in
Mexico; if they do not come from a wealthy family, it is almost impossible
to even think of getting a degree in whatever major that it is that they
want to study. It is at this point that growth mindset students start to
assimilate the crude reality of not being able to keep studying, and,
therefore, not obtaining the job they aspire to. Their motivation to study
and keep putting effort into school soon comes to an end, and
everything related to school seems simply pointless since they know
they will be unable to accomplish their dreams. These students did not
retire because they did not want to make mistakes or feel “dumb,”
neither because they did not work hard enough . . . but because their
opportunities of becoming successful were too low to come true. They
were forced to have a fixed mindset.
After reading “Brainology” for a third time, I was able to notice that
Dweck briefly talks about changing fixed mindsets into growth
mindsets, but does not talk about growth mindsets turning into fixed
mindsets. Does it seem too impossible for that to happen? To change a
positive mind into a negative one? Believe me it is possible. Those
students in Mexico with growth mindsets and shallow economic
income became an involuntary fixed mindset; they once had motivation

117
 Alvarez 3

and wanted to learn; they wanted to succeed and not give up, but were
never given the opportunity to prove so. Living in Mexico was a great
experience, but unfortunately it is very easy to change a student’s
mentality into a fixed mindset over there. I remember having a growth
mindset before moving from California to Mexico. Attending school was
an adventure full of new and fresh experiences for me, I enjoyed
learning new things everyday, and the fact that I was getting good
grades out of it was just a bonus. As I began my sophomore year in high
school, I started to realize how my life would be if I stayed in Mexico. At
that point all I knew was that I had to graduate high school there and
that I had to find a way to be successful without worrying my parents
economically. Thinking about my future gave me anxiety and made me
cry for days; I did not know what was going to happen after graduating
high school. The only way I could keep studying was if I attended a
college that was two hours away from my house; nonetheless, it was
almost impossible to get accepted, and acceptance still did not
guarantee students they would get a decent job after. The stress was
unreal; it got to the point in which I did not care anymore. No matter
how much effort I put into school, money always came in first. I realize
now that I started having a fixed mindset; I had no motivation at all and
school started to be more of a load than an enjoyment. This should
have not been an exception for me to stop having a growth mindset,
but again, the possibilities of being successful in these circumstances
are almost nonexistent—it can make a student lose interest in school
very easily. Moving back to the U.S. was truly a blessing; once again I
have a growth mindset and all the intentions of putting as much effort
as I can on my studies and future.
In conclusion, we cannot base our success on whatever our
mentality is; situations and issues in our life can make our mindset
change even if we do not expect it to. A growth mindset student can
lose motivation for school in any moment just like a fixed mindset: they
both face the same risks of giving up. As I said in the beginning, I agree
with Dweck that growth mindsets have more possibilities of succeeding
than a fixed mindset, but it does not guarantee that they will indeed
accomplish their academic dreams or get the job they aspire to. Growth

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 Alvarez 4
mindset students can face major complications that can be more than
they can handle, forcing them to give up and change into a fixed
mindset. They did not stop trying because they were lazy or afraid of
challenges, but because they lost the motivation that made them want to
learn. The truth is, we can change our mentality and change it again and
therefore cannot expect all growth mindsets to succeed and think
always the same, nor does it mean that all fixed mindsets retire because
they are afraid and think their intelligence is limited. Our life and
mentalities have a background that is too complex to be defined by
whether we succeed because we are smart or we do not succeed
because we are not.

Alvarez 5

Work Cited
Dweck, Carol. “Brainology. Transforming Students’ Motivation to
Learn.” Independent School Magazine, National Association
of Independent Schools, winter 2008, https://www.nais.org/
magazine/independent-school/winter-2008/brainology/.

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 After Reading: Summarize; Evaluate
Complete the following exercises.
5. Review your annotations and write down what you feel are the two or
three main strengths of the essay, as well as any areas that need
improvement.
6. Did you have any questions about the writing? If so, write these down.
7. Do you feel Alvarez demonstrates a good understanding of Carol
Dweck’s ideas? Why or why not?
8. Do you feel Alvarez responds with her own original ideas and critical
thinking to Dweck’s ideas? Why or why not?

PEER REVIEW
An important strategy for becoming a strong reader, a skillful writer, and
a critical thinker is to test your ideas by getting feedback from others.
Writers often ask readers they trust to give them advice, such as what is
working well, what is not clear, or what could be improved in the writing.
For ­instance, in the chapter “The Writing Process,” Mike Rose explains
how he relies on “a diversity of readers” to give him “honest feedback”
on his writing. “The College Reading and Writing and Learning Survey” in
the chapter “Introduction to College Reading, Writing, and Thinking”
includes “ask the instructor or a tutor to read my draft and give me feed-
back” as a strategy choice. This valuable feedback can be considered
and then used to revise or edit the paper.
The process in which writers share their work with classmates and
provide constructive criticism is called peer review. (A peer is someone of
equal standing, so your fellow classmates are your peers.) A valuable part
of the writing process, peer review requires careful reading, thoughtful
writing, and critical thinking to provide the most effective, useful feedback.
You can use the same annotation strategies discussed in this chapter to
review your classmates’ writing. That is, you can read to understand the
writer’s main ideas and examples and then read again to indicate strengths
of the paper and where the ­writing could be improved.
Peer review involves at least two people: the writer of the paper that
is being reviewed and the reader of the paper whose job it is to provide
feedback. Each person must perform their role as best as possible by
using the following strategies.

Strategies for Readers Giving Feedback

• Stay focused. Consider the assignment and whether the writing
achieves the goal of the assignment.

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• Understand the writing. Identify the writer’s thesis and main ideas,
as well as the examples.
• Provide positive feedback. Focus on strong aspects of the writing—
anything you think the writer does well, such as clearly stating a main
idea, giving support for ideas, writing strong sentences, or using origi-
nal thinking.
• Offer constructive criticism. Reflect on how the writing could be
improved—anyplace the writing is not strong, such as where the writer
does not respond to the topic, strays from the main point, does not
clearly explain the ideas from the reading, or writes unclear sentences.

Strategies for Writers Receiving Feedback

• Read and reflect. Consider the reader’s comments and be sure you
understand what these mean; ask for clarification if need be.
• Own your paper. Focus on feedback you believe reflects valid
strengths or weaknesses of your writing. You do not need to accept
all criticisms as valid; use your own good judgment and remember
this is your paper.
• Apply feedback. Use feedback to improve your writing. If you can
build on your strengths, then do so. If you can revise weak parts, then
make changes.

Spotlight Activities
1. If you are currently working on a piece of writing for your English class
or for any other subject, annotate the writing. Identify the main ideas
and examples; then review the writing, looking for areas of strength
and places where the writing could be improved. Use your annota-
tions to help you improve the writing.
2. If you completed a writing assignment for your class, exchange your
writing with a classmate. Read and annotate each other’s papers to
understand and evaluate the writing.
Credits
pp. 112–115: Alejandra Jimenez, The Good, the Bad, and the Math, 2015. Used with
permission; pp. 116–119: Veronica Alvarez, Involuntary Resignation, 2016. Used with
permission.

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