BROADWAY

DANNY ROSE
The star-studded sky of the Orion logo appears on the screen followed
,

by the words An Orion Pictures Release. The screen next goes

black; white credits pop on and off. At the same time, singer Lou
Canova's voice is heard, accompanied by applause and laughter from
an unseen audience.

A Jack Rollins and Charles H. Joffe Production

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Starring
WOODY ALLEN
MIA FARROW
NICK APOLLO FORTE

Casting
JULIET TAYLOR

Associate Producer

MICHAEL PEYSER

Editor
SUSAN E. MORSE

Costume Designer
JEFFREY KURLAND

Production Designer
MEL BOURNE

Director of Photography
GORDON WILLIS, A.S.C.

Executive Producer
CHARLES H. JOFFE

H5
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

Produced by
ROBERT GREENHUT

Written and Directed by

WOODY ALLEN

lou's voice-over Thank you, thank you. Oh, if you overate

too much tonight I got a great song that the paesans would
understand. It's "Agita." Una-two!
As Lou sings to the sound of an accordion band, the credits fade off the

screen, replaced by the front of the Carnegie Delicatessen at night, lit

up with a long, bright sign flashing Carnegie, then delicatessen/

restaurant. People walk on the busy sidewalk; cars drive by on the

street. The camera moves in, closer and closer, to the deli's front
window, its inside lights glowing out onto the street.

Lou is still singing as the front of the deli slowly dissolves to its

interior. For a brief moment the window, the reflected cars, and the

deli's busy kitchen area counter are one — until only the counter is seen,

stacked with dishes on its top. Its mirrored front reflects some diners
eating offscreen. A waiter picks up some dishes and scurries past the
camera as another waiter walks down the length of the counter, his

torso reflected in the mirror. The camera follows him, his back to the
screen, into the dining area. Lou continues his song as the waiter stops
at a table, putting down a plate of food, and walks offscreen. The
dining room is hopping, the tables filled with diners; an elderly waiter
takes an order and walks towards the camera and offscreen. A seasoned
waitress walks through a swinging door in the background near sev-
eral coats hanging on pegs; she carries a plate. Another waiter walks
down the aisle; the owner gives another group their check. A man gets
up from his table, his meal finished. He puts on his coat and, check in
hand, walks towards the camera, offscreen.

The camera moves down the aisle, in the midst of all this activity,

stopping at a table where a group of men are getting up, coats in

hand, saying their farewells. Revealed when they leave is the table
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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

behind them, where comedians Corbett Monica and Morty Gunty are
sitting and eating. Lou's singing trails off, filled in with the chatter
of diners, waiters, and cutlery. The two mens voices are heard over

the indistinct deli noise as the camera moves closer and closer to their

table. Corbett faces the camera. Morty sits opposite him, his back to
the screen.

corbett I spent two nights in Florida.

morty You have to do the Miami jokes. If you're in Florida,

you do Miami jokes, in Atlantic City you do

corbett (Interrupting, gesturing) Morty, I tried Miami jokes. I

don't know what works anymore.

morty Well, tr — Why? What happened?

corbett Well, you know I got that big Miami joke that I do.

morty (Overlapping) Yeah, okay.

 THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

corbett You know, about the hotels being expensive, and,

uh . . .

morty (Sipping his coffee, interrupting) Right.

corbett (Continuing, gesturing) . . . how much it costs to stay,

like a hundred and fifty dollars a day for a sleeping room. I

said to the clerk, "What's cheaper?" He said, "I got a room for
ten dollars, but you gotta make your own bed." I said, "I'll
take So he gave me a hammer and
it." a board and some nails.

And that's the joke, you know.

morty (Gesturing) Yeah, it's a good joke. It works.

corbett Good joke? It's been working for years. Last night it

died.

morty Really?

corbett Died. I tell you, Morty, (Chuckling) that audience sat

there like they were an oil painting.

morty (Shrugging) I don't know why. It always works when I

doit.

corbett (Pointing to Morty) You do that joke?

morty Sure, all the time.

corbett (Pointing to himself) Maybe that's where I got it from.

Corbett and Morty *s faces dissolve to a different view of the same
table. Morty 's face is now seen. It's later that night. Three other
comics, Sandy Baron, Jackie Gayle, and Howard Storm, are also

gathered around the table, which is covered with bottles, napkins, and
cups of coffee. A mirror hangs in the background; a waiter is first seen

in the mirror; he then passes in front of the camera. Other diners and
waiters are partially seen. The comedians talk among themselves,

sometimes all at the same time.

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

morty Do you know that when I broke into this business in

New York, that I-I could play at least twelve to twenty weeks
a year without leaving the city. There was the Copa . . .

sandy (Interrupting) Where?

morty (Continuing) . . . the Latin Quarter.

jackie The China Doll?

morty (Overlapping) I played the, uh . . . China Doll,

Elegante, in Brooklyn.

jackie (Overlapping) Queen's Terrace?

morty I played the Boulevard. . . .

Howard (Overlapping Morty) Suburban.

sandy (Overlapping Howard) San Su San.

morty (Overlapping Sandy) The Suburban out in Long Island,

the San Su San.

Howard (Overlapping Morty) Well, what about Jersey? The

Stagecoach. (Mumbling) A lot of clubs in Jersey.
sandy (Overlapping) They never left. They never left at all.

jackie (Overlapping) Lamplighters, Bill Miller's, a million

places.

morty (Gesturing) The Riviera, Bill Miller's, right?

jackie (Overlapping, gesturing) Look how far you have to go.

You went to Washington last week. I went to Baltimore.

Howard Yeah.

jackie You gotta have good tires to work today. You know
what's happening.
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

morty (Laughing) Or a good car.

jackie (Chuckling) Or a good car.

As all the comedians laugh, they dissolve to another scene around the
table, as seen from a different angle, a bit farther away. It's even
later that same night. Corbett, Morty, Sandy, and Howard have
been joined by comedians Jack Rollins and Will Jordan. The swinging
doors and the coats on pegs are seen in the background. An empty table
is seen in the foreground.

will (Gesturing) The first impression I ever did, went to see a

I

film called The Seventh Veil, and I didn't even want to become
an impressionist. (Taking off his glasses as he inhales and begins a

James Mason impersonation) What I was trying to do was develop

an English accent.

Howard (Overlapping) Yeah.

will (Impersonating James Mason) The idea of impersonating

James Mason (Snorting, primly) was the furthest thing from
my mind.
The other comics, listening and watching Will, begin to laugh appre-
ciatively. Sandy makes an indistinct comment to Morty under the

laughter.

will (Overlapping the laughter, still impersonating James

Mason) And out came this impression and I've been doing
impressions ever since. (Snorts with laughter)

Howard (Sitting with his back to the camera) But this thing is all

in like the mask, right?

will (Putting his glasses back on —askew) And then I did Picasso
for a few weeks.
The comics laugh anew. Will straightens his glasses and turns to

Sandy, who now has center stage.

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

sandy arm resting on the back of his chair) You

(Gesturing, his
know the first time I saw you do Mason? It was backstage at
the Sullivan show, and you, you were brilliant. And I was
Danny
there with Rose. (Looking around the table) Remember
Danny Rose?
Howard Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The other comics all nod enthusiastically, chattering indistinctly, all

at once. An elderly male diner walks in front of the camera, putting

on his coat as he walks offscreen.

sandy Yeah. He was handling an act then, a manager, (Gestur-

ing) he was handling an act then, a one-legged tap dancer,

which was his normal handling. (Overlapping an indistinct com-

ment from Howard) It was his normal handling. Danny Rose.
Yeah. Oh, he's the best.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. PHIL CHOMSKY'S OFFICE— DAY.

Danny Rose — in checkered sports jacket, clashing shirt, and Jewish

chai dangling on his neck—fills the screen. Behind him are windows
 52

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

revealing neon signs and another building outside. A lamp and a

typewriter are on a desk under the windows. File cabinets are seen in
the background; a framed photograph is partially seen on an offscreen

desk, where Phil Chomsky is sitting. Danny, gesturing wildly, is in

the midst of a conversation with the offscreen Phil.

danny (Gesturing) May I say one word? Mi-, ca-, mi-, might I

just interject one concept at this juncture? You're looking for

somebody for Memorial Day weekend. (Clears throat) My
blind xylophone player, okay? The man would be perfect for
your room.

phil (Offscreen) Ah, forget it.

danny (Gesturing wildly) What? Philly, we-, p-, hear me out,

will you please hear me out? The man is a beautiful man. He's
a, he's a fantastic individual.
Danny starts to walk around the desk as the film cuts to his point of

view: a bald Phil Chomsky, sitting behind his large desk, the window

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

behind him. On its sill are stacks of paper, a large fan. A desk lamp
sits in the foreground, on Phil's cluttered desk.

phil (Offscreen) My (Onscreen as the film cuts to him behind his desk)
hotel gets old Jewish people.

danny (Overlapping, walking over to Phil behind the desk) Really.

phil (Gesturing) They're blind! They ain't gonna pay to see a

blind guy. (Turns away from Danny, reacting with disgust)

danny (Standing next to Phil, gesturing) All right, all right,

(Clears throat) so forget that then. Phil, how 'bout, how 'bout
Herbie Jay son's birds?

phil (Overlapping, reacting, waving Danny away) Awww, come

on.

danny Herbie Jay son's birds.

phil (Shaking his head) Nah.

danny (Gesturing) They're little birds, they peck tunes out on

a piano. It's a beautiful thing.
Phil sighs, still shaking his head, still turned away from the persistent

Danny.

danny (Under his breath, turning briefly away) Aw, Je — . . .

(Turning back to Phil, gesturing) All right, what about my one-

legged tap dancer?
Phil groans. He continues to shake his head.

danny Take, take him for a weekend. My one-legged — All

right, my one-armed juggler. My one-armed juggler!

phil (Gesturing) Not for my hotel!

A disgusted Phil gets up from his desk. The camera follows him as he
walks over to some cardboard file boxes stacked on a table in another
 154

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

area of the office. A different set of windows offers a partial view of a

billboard.

danny (Sighing) All right, what about Lou Canova, my-my

Ita-, Lou Canova, my Italian singer, he'd be (Offscreen) great.

phil (Gesturing, looking briefly back at the now offscreen Danny) Lou
Canova's a dumb, fat, temperamental has-been . . . (Pauses)
with a drinkin' problem.
The film moves back to Danny, still trying, still gesturing, as he

walks back around the desk.

danny Shh, geez, what about, what about Eddie Clark's

I . . .

penguin? That's a perfect Eddie Clark and his penguin.

. . .

(Gesturing, looking out at the now offscreen Phil) Then the pen-
guin skates on the stage dressed as a rabbi. It's hilarious. (Ges-
turing) The penguin's got a beard like a
The film cuts to Phil as he interrupts Danny; he is standing by the file
cabinets holding some publicity photos. A coffee percolator sits on a
stack ofpapers.

phil (Looking offscreen at Danny) I'll tell ya what, Danny. Give

me Sonny Chase. He's the best act you got. He's fast, he's

funny.

danny (Offscreen) I don't handle Sonny anymore.

phil (Gesturing, the glossies in hand) Since when?

The film moves back to Danny near the desk, still gesturing wildly as

he looks at the offscreen Phil.

danny D — Oh, it's a long story, Philly, really. I f-, I found,

I discovered the kid, he slept on my sofa. I supported him.
Eh-eh, I want to badmouth the kid, but
don't he's a horrible,
dishonest, immoral louse. (Clears throat) And I say that with
all due respect.

The film cuts back to Phil as he talks to Danny; he puts down the
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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

glossies he's been looking at and walks over to a makeshift bar in the
corner of the room. Photographs hang on the wall behind the bar.

phil (Gesturing) I know, Danny. They get a little success, and

then they leave you. (Pours himself a drink, his back to the camera)

danny (Offscreen) That's wha-, that's my point! Believe me,

Philly, if I had all the acts in this business that I started that
made it, I'd be a rich man today. (Briefly passes Phil as he walks
on, then offscreen)

phil (Facing the bar, his back still to the camera) I'd like to help
you, Danny. But Weinstein's Majestic Bungalow Colony is a
classy place, and I need a classy act.

danny (Walking backwards past Phil again, briefly on, then offscreen

again) Well, that's why I want to (Offscreen) show you this

lady. She is the Jascha Heifetz of this instrument. She is really

something.
As Danny continues to talk, a blonde beehived woman briefly appears
onscreen, walking past Phil as he turns, glass in hand, and looks

offscreen.

danny (Continuing, offscreen) You gotta see this, Philly, it's ab-
solutely incredible. She
The film cuts to Phil's point of view: Danny and the blonde woman,
u
the water glass virtuoso," standing behind a parson's table that is

covered with half-full water glasses . The table sits by the windows —
having been carried by Danny and the woman when they'd quickly
passed Phil, the table out of view. As Danny talks, the woman begins
to play the glasses. She smiles at the offscreen Phil.

danny (Continuing, over the tinkling glass-playing sounds) Never

took a lesson. (Pointing to the woman, swaying to the music) Ne-,
self-taught. Next year, Philly, my hand to God, she's gonna
be at Carnegie Hall. (Gesturing to the offscreen Phil) But you, I'll
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

let you have her now at the old price, okay? Which i-, which
is anything you want to give me. Anything at all, Philly.

The film abruptly cuts back to the Carnegie Deli, to the table of

comics, laughing, gesturing, and reminiscing about Danny Rose. The

camera focuses first on Corbet fs face, sitting near Morty, then moves
across the table to Howard, Jack sitting to his right, cigarette in

hand, and Jackie, to his left, his back to the camera.

corbett (Laughing) I remember that woman that played the

glasses.

Howard You have never seen acts like this in your life. I mean,
this guy would work his tail off for these acts. I mean, if he
believed in an act, he would go all out.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. REHEARSAL ROOM— DAY.
A middle-aged man in a two-toned tux and a woman in a long gown
are surrounded by balloon animals on small tables; one of the tables is

covered in velvet. There are several elephants; the woman holds a

swan. Behind them is a door printed with an exit sign, and a partially
seen window.

male balloon folder (Folding a balloon into an animal, talking

over its Danny, my partner wants me to open
squeaky sounds)
up with the dachshund. But I think I should open up with
the, ah, swan or the giraffe.
As the man continues to create his animal, as he continues to speak,
the film cuts to Danny, sitting in an aluminum folding chair in the

sparse rehearsal room, his legs crossed, watching them. The man's back
is partially seen. A soda can sits on the floor near his chair.

male balloon folder The swan is pretty, and it fascinates the

people.
The film moves back to the animal balloon folders The man has just
.

finished making a poodle.

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

male balloon folder (Holding up his balloon poodle) Or . . .

have an animal of this type.

The camera cuts back to Danny as he talks to the balloon act. The
man's back and his balloon poodle are partially seen. As Danny dis-

cusses his plans, the film cuts back and forth between him, sitting in
his chair, and the balloon animal couple, standing stiffly among their

creations, still holding their balloon animals, listening and looking at

the offscreen Danny.

danny Ah, (Clears

(Pointing towards the offscreen balloon creations)
his throat) I think your partner's right. You should open up

with the dachshund, and then you should move on and build
to the giraffe. (Gesturing) I think you should close with the
giraffe 'cause it's got more impact.

male balloon folder (Holding his poodle, the camera back on him
and the woman) Really?

danny (Offscreen) If you take my advice, (Onscreen, as the film

moves back to him) I think you're gonna become one of the great
balloon-folding acts of all time. (Gesturing and pointing) Really.
Eh, 'cause I you
don't see just folding these balloons in joints,

you know. You're gonna . . . you listen to me, you're gonna

fold these balloons at universities and colleges. You're gonna,
you're gonna make your, your snail and your elephant at, at,

at, on Broadway. (Offscreen as the camera moves back to the balloon

act couple, standing stiffly as before) You know what I mean? But
the thing to remember is before you go out onstage, (Onscreen,
the camera back on him in his chair) you gotta look in the mirror,
you gotta say your three S's. (Counting on his fingers) Star,
smile, strong. (Nods towards the offscreen couple)

male and female balloon folders (Onscreen, the camera back on

them and their creations, slowly) Star, smile, strong.
The comics' laughter is heard as the film cuts back to the Carnegie
Deli, to the comics at their table. They're talking and laughing all at
 58
THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

once. The camera is first focused on Morty, Jackie, Corbett, and

Sandy. It moves across the table as the comics continue to talk, reveal-

ing Will, Jack, and Howard at the other end.

morty (Overlapping the laughter, cigarette in hand) You know

Danny used to be a performer himself.

sandy (Overlapping Morty) Yeah. Oh, yeah.

corbett (Overlapping the others) He was a comic.

Howard (Offscreen, overlapping Corbett) That's right. Sure. I

mea-, well, he worked the Catskills. (Onscreen as the camera

moves down the table) Yeah, he did all the old jokes . . . and
stole from everybody. (Gesturing) He was exactly the kind of
comic you'd think he'd be.
As Howard speaks, the film cuts to the inside of a large nightclub. Its

packed with people squeezed around small white cloth-covered tables.

Amidst the slated crowd is Danny, standing, wearing a tux, and

holding a microphone. Everyone is watching him, laughing and ap-
plauding; he's seen past the heads of most of the patrons; he stands near
a platform where a band is waiting, enjoying his show. The walls are
decorated with mirrors. Howard's voice trails off as the sound of the
laughing audience is heard.Danny is leaning down, talking to a
partially seen elderly woman, her back to the camera, sitting at one

of the tables.

danny (Overlapping the laughter, to the elderly woman, into the mi-

crophone) Tell me, God bless you, darling. L-, let me, let me
ask you a question, sweetheart. How old are you? (Holding the
microphone out to her) Just, just, just tell me how old you are.

elderly woman (Into the microphone, her back to the camera)

Eighty-one.
The film cuts closer to Danny, standing among the nightclub patrons,

working the room, his microphone up to his mouth. The people around
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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

him are smiling at him, laughing, and interspersing his monologue

with applause.

danny Eighty-one years old, isn't that fantastic? No, really.

(Speaking over the appreciative applause of the crowd) She's eighty-

one. This is fantastic. (Turning around, looking around the room
and nodding) I mean that. Just . . . Unbelievable. (To the elderly

woman, into the microphone) You don't look a day over eighty.
(Overlapping the laughter of the crowd) No, I mean it. I'm just
kidding, darling, really. I love you, sweetheart. You're really,
really beautiful. What sign are you, darling? You know what
sign you are? (Holds out his microphone to the elderly woman)

elderly woman (Into the microphone, her back to the camera)

What?

danny (Into the microphone, looking out at the crowd and nod-
ding) "What"?! She says, "What." She's great.
The audience is laughing. After a beat, Danny begins his monologue

anew and the film cuts to the audience, to the crowds watching and
reacting to the now offscreen Danny. First, a table of elderly, well-
dressed people is seen. A woman with white curled hair and skinny
eyebrows, in a lowcut evening dress, is laughing; a man nearby, in a
suit and glasses, is listening, his lips pursed, looking somewhat dazed.
They are surrounded by other elderly people at different tables, all

watching the offscreen Danny and grinning. The film quickly cuts to
another section of the audience, where a younger man in a Nehru
jacket, wearing a huge medallion around his neck, is laughing. Next
to him, an elderly woman in a suit drops an Alka-Seltzer into a glass
of water. As it plops in, she looks up and smiles. A woman near the
Nehru jacket man laughs and nods at the offscreen Danny. Behind
their table, near a wall decorated with latticework, are two seated
elderly men in suits; one sips his drink, his eyes wandering.

danny (Offscreen, over the laughter of the crowd) But I drove up

here today. I love driving. You know, you, you run across so
many interesting people. And I saw a terrible accident.
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

The film cuts back to Danny, in the middle of his joke, standing among
the crowded tables. Cigarette smoke spirals up from the table; the

heads of the surrounding patrons are seen, as well as the partially seen
band members on the nightclub platform.

danny (Into his microphone, gesturing) Two taxicabs collided.

Thirty Scotchmen were killed.

The audience starts to laugh, Danny looks around the room, gestur-

ing, and the film cuts back to the Carnegie Deli, to the comics laughing

and reminiscing at their table. Corbetfs back is to the camera; Sandy,

Will, and Jack are to his left; Howard faces the camera. To his left

are the partially seen Jackie and Morty.

jackie (Overlapping the comic's laughter) That's something, I'll

tell you.

Howard (Overlapping Jackie, gesturing) And I'll tell you some-

thing. The reason he stopped doing his act was because he
was working the Catskill Mountains. All right?

sandy (Overlapping Howard, nodding) Yeah.

howard (Continuing, gesturing) Now, he's c — Nobody in the

audience is under eighty years old.

sandy (Nodding, listening) Yeah.

howard (Gesturing, looking at each comic) Okay, he's onstage

doing his act. Two people get heart attacks. Yeah.

They all start to laugh. Jackie comments indistinctly. The comics all

start talking at once.

corbett (Overlapping the laughter and chatter) Oh, yeah.

will (Overlapping the laughter and chatter) So naturally he be-

came a personal manager.
The comics all agree, nodding their heads and commenting indis-

tinctly.
 i6i

broadway danny rose

Howard (Overlapping the others) What else? Yeah, that's right.

If you can't do a good act, you become a personal manager,

right?

will But his acts were so devoted.

Howard Yeah.

will They loved him.

Howard Yeah, they did that.

will (Overlapping Howard) I mean, where you gonna find that

kind of devotion today?
The comics all agree. Once again, they all talk at once, commenting
indistinctly. Jackie takes a sip of water.

morty (Overlapping the others, only his hand seen, gesturing with a
cigar) Nice kid.

Howard (Overlapping the others) I gotta tell you something,

though. The funniest Danny Rose story is the time he's han-
dling a hypnotist. Okay? He's got the guy

jack (Overlapping Howard, interrupting) Oh, right. Yeah.

Howard (Overlapping Jack, continuing) The hypnotist. (Gestur-

ing) And he's got the guy working the Catskill Mountains.

jack (Overlapping Howard, nodding) I remember that. Uh-huh.

Howard (Overlapping Jack, continuing, looking at the comics) And

the guy brings, the hypnotist brings up (Gesturing) this little
old Jewish lady and he . . .

sandy (Overlapping Howard, nodding) Yeah.

Howard (Continuing, gesturing) . . . put the, hypn-, hypno-

tizes her.

Howard snaps his fingers and the film cuts to:

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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

INTERIOR. BACKSTAGE AREA—NIGHT.

The little old Jewish lady fills the screen. She is in a trance, her eyes
closed and her head down. Her arm is outstretched partially offscreen.
',

There are gesturing and pointing hands around her head; spotlights
are seen in the background.

husband (His face offscreen, his hands gesturing wildly) Tessie,

Tessie. Vay iz mir. What is this you're doing to my wife?
The film moves hack as Danny begins to talk, revealing the woman
sitting in a chair, her arm outstretched. Danny stands in front of her,
pointing and gesturing. Her frantic husband stands next to her, on
the right. To her left is the hypnotist, in turban and satin, muttering
incantations. Everyone gestures and talks at once — except for the

woman, who remains frozen in her chair. Backstage workers walk

back and forth in front of the camera, momentarily obscuring the
group each time. A man in a loud suit stands in front of a nearby
ladder, his back to the camera. Other workers stand in the back-
ground, watching the group, fascinated.

danny (Pointing and gesturing) The b-b-b- . . . the body is

warm. You see, it's a good sign. The body is still warm.

husband (Overlapping Danny, talking first indistinctly in Yid-

dish) Tessie, Tessie!

danny (Overlapping Tessie V husband and the gesturing hypnotist, who

is muttering indistinctly, to the hypnotist) Okay, let's go, huh?
(To Tessie's husband, gesturing) I-I promise you if your wife
never wakes up again, I promise you I will take you to any
restaurant of your choice, okay?

husband (Overlapping Danny, excited, gesticulating) He's taking

me to a restaurant after he kills my wife.

danny (Overlapping Tessie's husband) I . . . (Stutters indistinctly)

 63
BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

hypnotist (Overlapping the group, gesturing in a magic trick manner,

to Tessie) Come on, come on, come on, wake up, please!

danny (Overlapping the hypnotist, talking to Tessie's husband) Do

you like Chinese food? Do you like Chinese food?
Tessie's husband mutters indistinctly, upset and gesturing frantically
The hypnotist sprinkles water from a glass onto Tessie's face. The
comics begin to laugh as the movie cuts back to their table in the
Carnegie Deli. This time the table is seen in its entirety. Sandy, Will,

and Jack face the camera; Corbett and Howard sit at either end of the
table. Jackie and Morty's backs are to the camera. Everyone is laugh-
ing and talking at once. The table is littered with plates, cups and
saucers, napkins, and ketchup bottles.

morty (Overlapping the laughter and chatter) He was such a fail-

ure.

sandy (Overlapping the group, motioning for quiet) All right, you
finished? Excuse me. Hold it, hold it. Are you finished?

morty (Ignoring Sandy) I would've paid to see him.

sandy (Overlapping Morty) Are you finished?

morty (Gesturing) Yeah, yeah.

Howard (Overlapping Morty, gesturing) Yeah, yeah. What do

you want?

sandy (Overlapping the others, continuing and gesturing) Because I

have the greatest Danny Rose story.

morty (Overlapping Sandy) Uh-huh.

Howard (Overlapping Sandy, looking at the others) He's always

got the greatest story.

corbett (Overlapping Howard, agreeing with him) He's got the

greatest Danny Rose story.
 164

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

jackie (Overlapping the others) Oh, oh that's great . . . (Mutters

indistinctly)

sandy (Overlapping, looking at the others) Hold it, now. (Gestur-

ing) Are you finished?

corbett (Nodding) Yeah.

Howard (Overlapping Corbett) Yeah.

sandy (Overlapping the others) I have the greatest . . .

Howard (Interrupting, gesturing) Why don't you tell us?

jackie (Overlapping Howard) Okay, tell us.

sandy (Continuing) Danny Rose story, all right? (Overlap-

. . .

ping the others, who are nodding and making sounds of assent) You
got a couple of moments? (Gesturing) You wanna do anything?
'Cause this is gonna take some time.

jackie (Overlapping, gesturing) Can I go to the washroom?

sandy (To Jackie) Go ahead.

morty (Overlapping Sandy, to Corbett) Corbett, order.

corbett (Gesturing to an offscreen waiter) Order. Coffee.

Howard (Overlapping Corbett, gesturing to himself) I'd like to go

change my suit.

sandy (Overlapping the others, gesturing, to Howard) Change your

suit. (To Corbett) Okay, order. (To the group at large) Are you

ready? We're gonna be here a while. Okay?

jackie (Overlapping, nodding) All right.

 '6 5

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

morty You're sure this is the greatest?

sandy (Overlapping, to Morty) This is the, this is the greatest

Danny Rose story.
Will, sitting next to Sandy, nods and takes a bite offood and a sip of
water; he looks at Sandy.

sandy (Pointing and gesturing, overlapping Morty, who is still com-

menting indistinctly) This is the one with Lou Canova.

corbett Oh, yeah.

morty (Overlapping Corbett) Oh, yeah.

Howard (Overlapping the others, pointing) Canova, that's the tall

guy, the singer? The Italian kid?

sandy (Overlapping the others, nodding and pointing dramati-

cally) Ah.

corbett (Overlapping Sandy) Right.

morty (Overlapping Corbett) Was he the, he was the kid that

had those semi-hit records in the fifties, right?

sandy (Nodding and gesturing) That's right.

corbett Yeah, he had a record I think called "Agita." (Chuck-

ling, overlapping the others, who are laughing and chuckling in re-

membrance) It was on the charts for about fifteen minutes.

sandy (Overlapping Howard and Jackie's guffaws) This is not dur-

ing those fifteen minutes. This is . . . twenty-five years later.

corbett (Listening) Ah.

The camera begins to move closer and closer to the table. As Sandy
begins his tale, the camera continues to move closer, past Jackie and
Morty"s backs, past Corbett and Howard's profiles, moving closer and
 1 66

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

closer to Sandy's face, until only he is seen onscreen, the coats on wall
pegs behind him. Smoke from Sandy's cigarette swirls up in the corner

of the screen.

sandy (Gesturing) And Lou cannot get anybody to handle him.

I mean, the man is in trouble. And the only one who believes

in him is Danny Rose.

Howard (Offscreen) Right.

sandy (Looking offscreen at the group) And by now, you gotta

remember, Lou is a has-been. He's got a big ego, a tempera-
ment, and a slight drinking problem. (Gesturing) And Danny
. . . has faith.

Band music begins playing a crooning standard as the film cuts to a

crowded, dark nightclub. The portly Lou Canova, in a tux, is sing-

ing, a microphone in front of him, the band in back. He is lit by a

spotlight, seen across the heads of the seated nightclub patrons , who are

packed together at individual small tables. Scantily dressed cocktail

waitresses scurry back and forth with their trays, taking orders and
 167

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

putting down drinks. The low din of conversation is heard over Lou's
singing; cigarette smoke wafts up through the crowd.

lou (Into his microphone, singing) "I like the looks of you ..."
As Lou sings, the film cuts to various people in the audience: to a

young woman in profile, looking dreamily at the offscreen Lou. She

looks off and takes a puff of her cigarette . . .

lou (Offscreen, singing) ". . . The lure of you ..."

. . . to Lou again, as seen past the crowded club . . .

lou (Into his microphone, continuing his song) "The sweet of you, /

The pure of you, / (Gesturing to the band, which begins to play in

a faster tempo) The eyes, the nose, the mouth ..."

. . . to a table where a partially seen man is sitting with two women

who are dressed up, their hair and makeup perfect. Bouncing to the

music, they smile at the offscreen Lou. One of the women snaps her

fingers in tempo. Behind them are other patrons drinking and enjoy- ,

ing the song . . .

lou (Offscreen, continuing his song) ". . . of you, / The east,

west, north, and ..."

. . . then back to Lou, seen closer up now, in front of his band. He

walks off the bandstand into the audience, his microphone in hand.
Smiling patrons are seen in the background . . .

lou (Into the microphone, continuing his song, gesturing) ". . . the
south of you. / I'd like to gain complete control of you /

And . .
."

. . . to a well-dressed man in a suit and glasses. He has a mustache.

He listens intently, holding out a cigarette, as he watches the offscreen
Lou. An enraptured woman at another table is seen in the back-

ground . . .
 1 68

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

lou (Offscreen, continuing his song) ". . . handle even the heart
and . .
."

. . . then back to Lou, standing in the audience, singing his heart

out. A waitress passes in the crowd behind him.

lou (Into his microphone, singing as he tosses the microphone from hand
to hand) ". . . soul of you. / So love at least / a small percent
of me, do. / I do, I do, I do, I do. / 'Cause I love all of you. /

I do, I do, I do, I do. / Yeah."

Lou finishes his song with a flourish. The enthusiastic applause begins
as the film cuts to two young women, one plump, one thin, grinning
and applauding wildly at their table. They are heavily made up with
elaborate hairdos and earrings. The thin woman chews gum. Around
them are other enthusiastic patrons, applauding and smiling at the

offscreen Lou.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. BACKSTAGE DRESSING ROOM— NIGHT.

Lou is leaning against the wall, his tie and collar open and askew.
Behind him is a corkboard, busy with pinned clippings, photos, and a
painting. The door is open; backstage workers are seen in the back-
ground, milling about and walking to and fro. Lou is looking out at
the camera, at the offscreen Danny. There is no music.

lou (Gesturing) There's a third show? I thought there's only

two.

danny (Offscreen) No, there's, there's three on weekdays, and

there's four on weekends.

lou Four?! Tell 'em I'll walk! Four shows. (Gesturing angrily,
taking off his jacket) Crazy.

danny (Offscreen) What do you mean? You (Onscreen, walking

over to Lou) can't wa —
Lou, we're not in a position yet to
 69

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

walk, you know. And I, and I say "yet," I used the word
"yet." (Takes Lou's jacket, trailing off)

lou (Overlapping Danny , nodding, reacting) My hair's all screwed

up and everything. My tux, my pants. Everything is f

Piano music begins offscreen. Lou fusses with his cuffs, still upset. A
woman musician walks in front of the camera, past Lou and out the
dressing room door.

danny (Interrupting Lou, walking offscreen with Lou's jacket) Your

hair is fine. Your tux is fine. Did you do the three S's?

lou (Nodding) Yeah, strong, smile, star. I know, I know. (Ges-

turing) Every time you tell me. Every time you say the same
thing.

female musician (Walking out of the room, her back to the cam-
era) See you later, Lou.

lou (Continuing, ignoring the musician) I got a platform

 1
7o

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Overlapping Lou, walking onscreen, carrying a robe to

Lou) Right. Here. (Helping Lou on with the robe) An-and what
you should do is "My Funny Valentine" after you do great
crooners from the past who are deceased.
Lou continues to nod, adjusting his robe, as a female fan wearing
dangling earrings sticks her head into the dressing room.

fan (Smiling) Hi, Lou, I wanted to meet you.

lou (Overlapping his fan, ignoring her, to Danny) I'm discouraged.

I'm down. Just down.

danny (Overlapping, to Lou) You're fine. (To the fan, pushing her
out the door) Darling, darling, come back later. Really. God
bless you, darling.
Danny pushes the fan out of the dressing room, closing the door behind

her, as Lou sits down at his makeup table, which holds a cup and
saucer, some food, and some liquor bottles.

lou (To himself, sitting at his makeup table) All the trouble in the
world. (Shaking his head) Shhh . . .

danny (To Lou, leaning down to him and gesturing) What are you
discouraged about? Lou, you were magnificent.

lou (Nibbling at his food, shaking his head) I can't pay my ali-

mony.

danny (Gesturing) But, so, I'm telling you I'll waive my com-
missions till we get rolling, that's all.

lou (Pouring some tea into his cup, nodding) How you gonna live?
You gotta eat.

danny Don't worry about me so much, will ya? For God

sakes. I, you know . . .

Danny, still gesturing, walks offscreen, into another area of the room.
The camera stays focused on Lou, who looks offscreen at Danny,
 BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

reacting. The camera moves closer and closer to his face as he listens,

as he nods, as he begins to smile, his teacup frozen in his hand.

danny (Continuing, offscreen) ... I got other acts. And, you

know, I think about you in the long run. That's what I'm
saying. Y-you're the kind of guythat will always make a
beautiful dollar in this business. You know what I mean? You,
you're what I call a perennial. You, you get better looking as
you get older.

lou (Nodding and smiling) That's true. I mean, when I'm out
there singing, I can feel the women mentally undressing me.
It's true.

Lou raises his teacup as the film cuts to the outside of a tuxedo clothing
store. Danny is seen through the storefront window as he passes behind

a tuxedoed mannequin, past racks of tuxedos, as he hurries through

the store to Lou, who is examining some shoes in another of the store-

front's windows. Danny holds a white tux trimmed in black on a

hanger. He motions to Lou, holding out the tux. Lou gestures; he
holds some patent leather shoes. A salesclerk is seen in the background,
by a double rack of suits. A white jacket hangs in the window. A
pedestrian is seen passing on the street, reflected in the storefront

window. As Sandy's voice is heard over the scene, Lou puts down the

shoes. He touches the tux on the hanger, gesturing. He starts to take

off his jacket to try on the tux.

sandy's voice-over Okay, so Danny is everything to Lou. He

picks his songs, his arrangements. He picks his shirts, his
clothes. He eats with him. They're inseparable.
As Sandy finishes his voice-over narrative, the film cuts to the outside

of the Carnegie Delicatessen and its surrounding buildings and side-

walks. It's daytime. The streets are crowded with cars and pedestrians
A man walks his dog on the sidewalk. Several taxis pass. Danny and
Lou are seen from far away, walking out of the deli, underneath its

awning. They are talking. They start to walk up the street, past the

B.J.J. Market, next to the deli on the corner. The camera follows
 172

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

them as they walk, past the crowds ofpeople walking, past the moving
cars, past two pay phones on the corner. They talk, walking together
and gesturing, as they wait for the light and cross the street. The New
York Sheraton is seen as they cross over, as are the buildings on either

side of the street. They maneuver past some turning cars. A truck
passes in the background, down the cross street. People are everywhere;

cars are lined up on the avenue, waiting for the light to change. A
man jaywalks The sounds of traffic are heard
across the street. in the

background as Lou and Danny walk and talk, Danny slightly in the

lead.

sandy's voice-over Danny's his manager, his friend, his

father-confessor.

lou (Overlapping Sandy, indistinct at first) Do me a favor. I

wanna go across the street and get one white rose.

danny You want to get a white rose?

lou (Overlapping, gesturing) One white rose.

danny Why do you want a white rose? (Trails off indistinctly)

lou (Overlapping Danny) Danny, I met this chick. Yeah.

danny Ah, Lou. Lou, don't tell me about it because you, . . .

you know you're gonna get caught in a hotel room, you're

gonna wind up paying three alimonies, not two.

lou (Crossing the street) No, no, no. This is a classy chick.

danny (Crossing the street) I-I can imagine.

lou Classy, I mean, you know, sh-she's one of these decora-

tors.

danny Yeah. With all due respect, Lou, you got a sweet wife.

lou This is different. I mean, I'm in love.

danny Ah, great.

 73

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

The movie cuts to the inside of a florist shop. A bouquet of white roses
surrounded by other flowers fills the screen. The florist's hand is seen,

plucking out a single rose.

florist (Only her hand onscreen) The usual single white (On-
screen , the camera moving up to reveal her face) rose for Tina
Vitale.
The camera moves with the florist and the rose, as she walks over to

her counter— where Lou and Danny are standing. A cash register sits

in the background; iron grillwork covers the store's glass door, through

which people are seen passing up and down the sidewalk. Plants and
flowers are everywhere.

lou (To florist, leaning down, softly hitting the counter for empha-
sis) And, and just the words (Pointing) "I love you, my bam-
bina."

danny (Clears his throat) Come here a minute. (Gesturing to Lou)

Lou, Lou, come here. (Walking away) Lou, jus-, just step into

my office for a minute.

Danny walks away from the florist, to the window. Lou follows him.
 *74

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

They have a "conference ," surrounded by plants; people are seen

through the window, walking on the sidewalk.

danny (Gesturing) Lou, Lou, what do you mean the usual single
white rose? How long has this been going on?

lou (Gesturing) For a while. I can keep a secret, you know.

danny (Gesturing) You're keeping a secret from me?

lou (Gesturing)Hey, look, I knew you'd get miffed about it. I

knew the whole thing, you'd get bugged because of my wife
and everything. But, Danny, (Sighing) Danny, Tina, sh-she's
beautiful. She's like, she's like a Madonna.

danny (Gesturing) I believe you, but d-, she knows you're mar-
ried?

lou Hey, I leveled with her.

danny Gesturing) Yeah, so what kind of woman is she if she

knows you're married?

lou (Gesturing, shaking his head) You know, I tried to introduce

you to her for a long time. But I knew (Sighing) you wouldn't
have it. Forget it.

danny (Gesturing) Ah, b-, look, have, I always tried to teach

you, Lou, I've always tried to show you that sooner or later
(Pointing to Lou, then pointing towards heaven) you're gonna have
to square yourself with the big guy? Is that true? You're gonna
square yourself with the bi

lou (Overlapping, nodding with a sheepish grin) Uh-huh.

danny (Overlapping Lou) You're gonna pay your dues someday.

You know, you-you-you're a married man. (Gesturing) My
Aunt Rose, take my Aunt Rose. Not, not a, a beautiful
woman at all. She looked like something you'd buy in a live
bait store. But why? She had wisdom. And she used to say,
 J
75

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

you can't ride two horses with one behind. (Gesturing) So you
see what I'm saying? You see, that's my point.
Lou gestures and shrugs, reacting, as the film cuts to a city street.

Sandy's voice is heard as Danny walks down the busy street, his hands

in his pockets. He looks down, then straight ahead, deep in thought.

He walks quickly, passing some men standing by a building, passing

several pedestrians; he carries a copy of Billboard under his arm. He
walks past some storefronts, an antique store displaying some Ming
vases, a piano store. As Sandy continues to talk over the scene, Danny
walks closer and closer to the camera; he resettles the Billboard under
his arm. He walks faster, looking excited, as he passes the camera. His
back now to the screen, he hurries over to a hot -dog vendor on the
corner, past some pedestrians, past a building's brick wall. He motions
for a hot dog, his Billboard in hand. A mother and child pass the
vendor on his other side.

sandy's voice-over Okay, now a little times passes. Danny's

still struggling with the various bird acts and the blind xylo-
phone player. Suddenly, the nostalgia craze is starting to
build. And Danny finds he can book Lou a little easier.

CUT TO:
INTEROR. SHIPS STAGE— NIGHT.

Lou, in tux andfrilled dress shirt stands in front of the stage curtain,
,

in a circle of light. He holds a microphone and sways to the music

coming from an offscreen band; the drummer is partially seen behind

him.

lou (Into his microphone, singing) "You may be king, you may
possess / The world and all of itsgold. / Oh, but gold won't
bring you happiness / When you're growing old."
As Lou continues to sing, the movie cuts to an overhead view of a
luxury ocean liner cruising through the water. The camera slowly
moves around the ship until its bow faces the screen. As Sandy's voice
is heard over Lou's singing, the camera continues to move around, to
 176

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

the ship's other side, slowly moving closer to the liner, which glides
through the waves.

lou's voice-over (Singing) "Oh, the world, it's still the

same ..."

sandy's voice-over (Over Lou's now indistinctly heard sing-

ing) He's working these nostalgia cruises, and the audience
is eating it up, eating it up. Suddenly, an over-the-hill boy
singer is starting to get some attention.

lou's voice-over (Singing, now clearly heard again) "... stars

that shine high above."

The film abruptly cuts to The Joe Franklin Show, in progress. Lou
u
is in the hot seat" sitting in the armchair next to Joe, who is

partially seen behind his desk. A woman guest in an evening dress sits

next to Lou on a sofa, looking towards the two men. On the stage set

is a bookshelf in the background; a photo ofJoe Franklin hangs on the

background wall, another picture hangs alongside it. A microphone
sits on Joe's desk; low coffee tables sit in front of Lou and in front of
the sofa.

joe franklin And I am very, very honored to announce that

one of America's, uh, great singing legends, a cherished mu-
sical legend, making part of his, uh, comeback on the Joe
is

Franklin TV show.
And, uh, I-I hope my, uh, enthusiasm is
generating, because I love this man. I really, I mean if you
can love a man, I love Lou Canova. Lou Canova. Lou.
Joe extends his hand. As Lou reaches for it, shaking his head somewhat
selfconsciously, the film cuts to a close-up of his face.

lou (Shaking Joe's hand) Thank you, Joe, thank you. (Settling
back in his chair) You're very kind.

joe franklin (Offscreen now) I mean that. Are you, are you sort
of, uh . . .

lou (Gesturing) Well, I've been on the show three, four times,
 i
77

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

and it's, ah, it just helps. I mean, it helps everybody. Ah,

you're, you're New York. What can I tell you?
The camera moves back, showing Lou in his chair looking at Joe
Franklin, partially seen behind his desk. A plant is seen in a long
planter underneath the hanging photo ofJoe. The interview continues
without missing a beat.

joe franklin I, I always had the feeling, I don't know how I

can express this, that you, y-y-y-you were never obsessed to

be a superstar. (Gesturing) You were never driven to be a su-
perstar. You didn't, you just let it drift and take its own
course, right?

lou (Gesturing, sitting back in his chair) Well, when I had a rec-
ord out in the fifties, you know, it made, made some noise
and everything like that. And you start to get to feel as

though, hey, maybe you wanna be a bigger star, you wanna

be this, you wanna be that. It-it-it didn't really bother me.
B-but now I'm doing cruise ships, I'm doing bigger shows,
everything like such. (Nodding his head) It, I-I feel, I feel great.

I mean, it's a good time in life to do it.

The movie cuts to a busy Manhattan street corner. Among the crowds
ofpassing pedestrians and the moving traffic in the streets is a gestur-
ing Danny, deep in an indistinctly heard conversation with Milton
Berle. As Sandy begins his voice-over narration anew, the camera

slowly moves closer to the two men. Milton Berle smokes a cigar; a
pedestrian light starts flashing don't walk. People continue to walk
by obliviously; a bus waits for the light to change.

Sandy's voice-over (Overlapping Danny and Milton's barely heard

dialogue) Okay, now, two days later, Danny runs into Mil-
ton Berle on Broadway. Milton is doing an NBC special, a

nostalgia show. Plus, he needs a singing act to open for him at

Caesar's Palace. Now Danny convinces him to come and see
Lou on a club date at the Waldorf, and if Milton likes Lou, he
gets the TV shot and Caesar's.
 i78

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. LOU'S DINING ROOM— NIGHT.

Lou walks through the dining room's elaborately designed door from

the equally elaborate, partially seen kitchen. He wears a ve lour sweat-

suit and a medallion around his neck. He holds a drink as he walks

towards the table. The camera moves with him, revealing Danny,
eating fettuccine at the table; he sits next to Lou's young daughter.

lou (Gesturing as he walks) I mean, I love Milton. I mean, he's a

beautiful man. (Chuckling as he puts the drink in front of Danny)

What do you want me to say? (Walks away offscreen)

danny (Talking with his mouth full, gesturing up at the offscreen

Lou) This is two years out of our guts.
The camera moves down the table, past Danny and the daughter, to

reveal Teresa, Lou's blonde wife, at the table's head. As she talks, her

fork in her hand, her young son, seated at her right, gets up with his
plate and marches offscreen into the kitchen. Her daughter's hand is

seen on her right picking up a water glass to drink. The table is

cluttered with cutlery and soda bottles. Shimmery drapes hang behind
Teresa's head.

teresa (Offscreen as the camera moves down the table to her) Don't
be so nervous, Lou. (Onscreen now, to the offscreen Danny) You
know, you gotta take him out Sunday and let him relax a little

bit. He's got, he's gonna be all wound up.

The film cuts to Lou, pacing in the busily decorated living room,

talking to the group at large at the offscreen dining room table. He

walks past an upright piano, past a decorative screen on the wall, past
a few table lamps; his arms are crossed.

lou (Pointing with one crossed arm) I'll open with "Volare" or
u
You Make Me Feel So Young."
As Lou trails off, thinking out loud, the film cuts back to the table, to
Danny and Lou's daughter. Danny nods at the offscreen Lou; his
mouth is full.
 i
79

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Overlapping Lou, turning and gesturing to Lou's daughter,

putting his arm briefly on her shoulder) How are you, darling?

lou's daughter (Nodding, looking at Danny) Good.

danny (Gesturing) Is everything okay? How are, how old are

you, sweetheart?

lou's daughter Twelve.

danny Twelve? (Winking at the offscreen Lou and chuckling) Are

you married?

lou's daughter (Laughing) No. (Takes a sip from her glass, looking
at Danny)

lou (Offscreen) What's the matter with this guy?

danny (To the offscreen Teresa, gesturing and grinning) Fantastic

fettuccine. (To the offscreen Lou as he wipes his lips, his mouth full)
u
Don't forget to do My Funny Valentine" with the special
lyrics about the moon landing.
The film cuts quickly to Lou, still pacing in the living room area.

lou (Gesturing) Maybe we ought to put on a press agent for

that week, though.
As Lou bends down to a table, reaching for a whiskey decanter near a
vase full offlowers, the movie cuts back to the dining room table, as
seen from Lou s point of view: Teresa is at its head; her daughter and
Danny sit to her left. A chandelier hangs down from the ceiling. The
group is busy eating and talking. Lou's daughter reaches over Danny
to get some sugar. Lous son returns from the kitchen carrying a full
plate. He takes his seat on Teresa's right.

danny (Gesturing, looking out at the offscreen Lou) Um, I, I've

been getting your name in the columns pretty good and it's

not costing us any fee.

 i8o

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

lou (Offscreen) Not like having a steady press agent. I mean,

you know, steady. Listen

teresa (Interrupting, gesturing) You know, you better take him

to a movie or he's gonna be a wreck by show time.
The film is back on Lou, pacing in the living room. He holds a glass

in one hand, the whiskey decanter in the other. He walks towards an

armchair, then paces back again

lou Great idea for a TV show. Mr. Television looks at the

stars of the fifties. (Shaking his head) Beautiful.

The movie cuts to the outside of a Broadway record store, The Colony,
as seen from across the street. A man quickly walks past the camera.

The sidewalks are mobbed with people; cars and taxis pass by on the

street. It's daytime and the city is crowded. Danny and Lou are seen
walking out of the store as Sandy starts his narration anew. People
wait for the traffic light to change; the pedestrian light says don't
walk. The camera moves with Danny and Lou as they walk across

the street with other pedestrians, as Danny takes out some just pur-
chased sheet music from a brown bag, as they walk in front of a line

of cars and trucks, waiting for the light to change, as some cars move
down the cross street in front of them. They gesture and talk as they
reach the other side, where a Broadway theater is seen next to a
Howard Johnson's on the corner. Lou takes some of the sheet music
from Danny and looks at it. Lou is walking slightly in the lead.

sandy's voice-over That week, Danny devotes to Lou exclu-

sively. They go over the running order of his act fifteen times.
What color shirts to wear, his weight, you know, he wants
Lou to lose some pounds. I don't know who's more nervous,
Lou or Danny. Meanwhile, his other clients by now are start-
ing to complain about their own problems.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. NIGHTCLUB— DAY.
 iSl

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

An empty bird cage sitting on a chair fills the screen; its door is open.

As Herbie Jayson, one of Danny's other clients, speaks, the bird cage
is lifted up. The camera moves up with it — revealing an agitated
Herbie holding and looking at the empty cage. The swing inside

dangles in the empty air.

herbie (Offscreen) I couldn't get your service, I had a (Onscreen,

looking at the cage and Danny and
reacting, looking at the offscreen

gesturing) crisis! A cat ate one of my birds! (Putting down the

cage) I had to cancel the show, and now Ralph doesn't want to

pay.
The camera moves back, and a frantic Danny walks onscreen; he
stands next to Herbie, gesturing and talking to the offscreen Ralph.
Behind him, some birds are seen in their cages on a background table.

danny (Offscreen) What are you talking (Onscreen) about, he

doesn'twant to pay? (To the offscreen Ralph) What do you mean,
you don't want to pay? (Gesturing) A cat ate his bird! That
comes under the "act of God" clause.

ralph (Offscreen) He gets paid if he does his show only. That's

all.

herbie (To Danny, tapping him on the shoulder) Look, it was the
lead bird. Remember Pee Wee, the one who used to peck
"September Song"? I couldn't reach you.

danny (Reacting in shock) Pee Wee's gone? (Picking up the cage

and walking towards the offscreen Ralph, to Ralph) P-, Pee-, Ralph,
what are —
you do ? Pee Wee is now be-, been eaten by a
feline. Re-remember Pee Wee gave us many a laugh and tear.

The camera follows Danny as he walks over to Ralph, who is sitting

at a table against a brick wall in the dim light. In the foreground are
stacks of upturned chairs. Danny holds the cage, top and bottom; his

back is to the camera.

ralph Danny, I don't pay no birds that don't work.

 182

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Overlapping) Yeah, b-b-b-b

ralph (Gesturing) Where were you when I needed a replace-

ment? !

danny But Pee Wee

herbie (Offscreen, overlapping Danny) Yeah, where were you,

Danny?!

danny (Looking out at the offscreen Herbie, gesturing) All right, I

admit it's my fault. I've been remiss lately. (Walking back to

Herbie, still holding the empty cage, the camera moving with him off
Ralph) You know, so, I've been very busy with another client.

(Gesturing as he plunks the cage down in front of Herbie) After

Sunday night, my God, you have me, I'll be yours
hand to
exclusively. I know how you feel. (Looking out at the offscreen
Ralph as Herbie looks down at the cage, his face sad, to Ralph) Pee
Wee, Pee Wee was the son he never had, so it's, you know.
(To the downcast Herbie, patting him on the shoulder) Ah, I-I
promise after Sunday night, really, I'm with you. (Raising his
hand in a pledge) It's the emess.
The film cuts to a gym, where Lou's sneakered feet are seen walking

on a treadmill.

lou (Only his feet seen) One, two. One, two. One, two. One,
two. One, two.

danny (Offscreen, overlapping Lous counting) All right. Tomor-

row night I want you to open with u You're Nobody Till
Somebody Loves You" . . .

As Danny continues talking, the film cuts to a wider view of the

scene. Lou walks on the treadmill, his hands grasping the rails, his

head down. Danny stands nearby, looking at Lou. A poster of a

woman on a beach hangs on the background wall.

danny (Continuing, gesturing) . . . and then go into, uh, "My

 i«3

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Bambina." And after that do great crooners from the past who
are now deceased, okay? And then "Agita," if you want.

lou (Overlapping Danny, nodding as he turns off the treadmill)

Danny, would you do me a favor tomorrow night?

danny (Gesturing, his hands outstretched) Whatev — You name it,

you got it.

lou (Stepping off the treadmill, walking over to Danny) I want you
to bring Tina.

danny Who's Tina?

lou (Gesturing) Come on, I told you about Tina. I mean, I'm
really crazy about her.
Danny and Lou hegin to walk through the gym; the camera moves
with them. A man is seen working out on a rowing machine, another
is doing sit-ups on a Nautilus mat. A mirror hangs on the wall,
reflecting the varied exercise apparatus in the gym. A television sits

on a high wall shelf; posters line the wall. Danny and Lou talk as

they amble, their backs to the camera. The sounds of the men at their
machines are faintly heard in the background. Through an open door-
way is the Nautilus weight room. Some equipment is partially seen;

someone passes across the doorway. A poster is faintly seen on the

weight room wall.

danny (Gesturing, surprised) Tha — ? I thought I talked you out

of that.

lou It's no use. (Gesturing) I'm like a little kid. I'm still sending
her a white rose every day.

danny (Gesturing) What're you — ? You're nuts. Don't we have

enough on our minds? What are you doing?

lou (Walking through the open doorway) She's been lucky for me
from the first day I met her. I mean, good things started
happening.
 i8 4

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

Lou walks offscreen, towards a weight machine. Danny stands in the

doorway, framed by the door. He talks to the offscreen Lou; he looks
offscreen.

danny (Gesturing) Yeah, but Teresa's gonna be there. For

God's sake, you're gonna get in a lot of trouble.

The film cuts to the weight room; a Nautilus apparatus fills the screen

for a beat — before Lou walks in front of the machine. Lie looks at the

offscreen Danny. A man in sweatpants is busy examining some weights

in the background.

lou (Offscreen) That's why (Onscreen) you gotta bring her. You
be the beard.

danny (Offscreen) What are you (Onscreen, walking over to Lou,

also standing in front of the Nautilus) talking about, I should be

the beard? I don't want to be a beard.

lou (Overlapping Danny, gesturing) Hey, come on. I'm telling

ya, I'll do a great job if she's there. Without her, I'm gonna be
lost.

danny Since when? Lou, this is business.

A man in exercise shorts, a towel draped over his neck, walks past,
behind the Nautilus machine.

lou Why are you making such a big deal of this thing?
danny (Overlapping Lou, gesturing) I'm not making a big deal.

lou I mean, Terry goes home right after the show, then I'll

take her off your hands. But when there's any people around,
she's with you.

danny (Gesturing) No, it's not nice. You know, you're going to
wind up in alimony jail. Uh
lou (Interrupting) I can't function without her. (Sighing) I-I-I'm
lost.
 85
BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Overlapping Lou, gesturing) Since when? Since when?

Who- who is this woman? Why does she have such a hold on
you?

lou (Shaking his head) I don't know what it is about this woman.

danny (Overlapping Lou, reacting) Jeez.

lou (Overlapping Danny) I love her. Maybe it's a whole mother

thing.

danny (Gesturing) A whole mother thing? Your mother's alive.

Let me take her.

The film cuts to a close-up of Lou's face, looking at the offscreen

Danny . . .

lou She gives me confidence. I love her. What do you want

me to say? (Shaking his head) I'm scared enough as it is.

. . . then cuts to a close-up of Danny, reacting. Behind him, two men

in exercise garb are seen walking past, deep in conversation. Lou's

shoulder and profile are partially seen.

danny (After a beat) Jesus, Lou, is this more serious than I

thought?

lou You don't listen to me when I talk.

The camera moves back to Lou's face . . .

lou (Continuing, shaking his head) I haven't had a night's sleep

trying to figure out what to do with my life, okay?

. . . then back to Danny's face . . .

danny (Nodding and gesturing) So, so . . . all of a sudden I gotta

be the beard?

. . . then back to a close-up of Lou.

 1 86

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

lou I want her there. I gotta know she's there and I gotta know
she loves me.
Lou s face fills the screen. Danny is quiet for a beat, then walks over

to Lou, onscreen. They start to walk again, their backs to the camera,

behind the Nautilus machine. A mirror hangs on the wall.

danny (Offscreen, after a beat) I can only say as your friend

(Onscreen) and your manager, you know, you're a sick individ-
ual. But, if that's what you want, you know, all right, we'll

doit.
They continue to walk behind the machinery, across the weight room,

as a drum beat intro begins to play, as the film cuts to:

EXTERIOR. DANNY'S APARTMENT BUILDING—DAY.

Danny hurries out of his apartment building, which has a stone facade

with an elaborately carved frame around its glass doors. A sign ad-

vertising pecan pies is hung in one of the large lobby windows. Cars
are parked along the sidewalk. A few pedestrians pass as Danny
bounds out into the street. The drum beat intro has become a bouncy
u
version of Agita.

Twirling his keys in his hand, looking briefly down the street, Danny
walks over to his car, one of a line of cars parked on the other side of
the street. A young woman in a miniskirt walks past as Danny leans

over and reaches through the partially open window on the driver's

side. He pulls up the lock button, opens the door, and gets in. Danny
looks in the rearview mirror and wipes his face — as seen through the

sun-obscured windshield —as the scene dissolves to a faraway view of

Danny's car zooming across the George Washington Bridge. He passes
a huge Mack truck and several other cars as the camera moves farther

and farther away, revealing a breathtaking panoramic view of the

bridge in the water, with the New York skyline in the distance.

Danny's car is now a mere speck.

The music stops as the movie cuts to a closed door in a dark hallway.
 .8 7

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

The door is opened almost immediately by Tina, a bleached-blonde

Italian woman in dark glasses, framed by the light from her apart-
ment beyond the doorway. She looks out at the offscreen Danny.

danny (Offscreen) Tina? You're Tina? Danny Rose. Had no

trouble getting here at all. None at all. Y-are you ready?
'Cause, you know, I'm, I'm double-parked downstairs.

«;,

4UM
 1 88

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Without missing a beat, into a telephone that was previously in

her offscreen hand) Listen, Lou, you can drop dead. That's
what you've been saying for months.
The film cuts to Tina's apartment at the same time she walks away
from the door, still talking in the phone. She walks offscreen into the

living room, her voice still heard. As she screams on the phone, Danny
peeks his head into the apartment from the doorway; he cautiously
enters, closing the door behind him. His eyes never leave the offscreen
Tina — who passes briefly in a blur in front of the camera as she walks
and talks offscreen on the phone. Danny stands in the living room,
watching and listening; he wrings his hands. Pictures are scattered on
the wall. A lamp sits on a corner table, along with several knick-
knacks and a plant.

tina (Continuing, into the phone, walking into the living room)
Yeah, well, I don't buy it, and I'm damned (Offscreen, scream-

ing) sick and tired of all your stories . . . Don't tell me that,

Lou. Being married's one thing, but two-timing's something

else! . . . Yes, yeah, well, that's just a bunch of garbage, be-
cause I don't buy it, and you'd better watch yourself! ... I

don't care how important it is! . . . It's too damned bad if

you're upset. The way you treat me, you're lucky I don't stick
an ice pick in your goddamn chest! . . . Like hell, I'll be
there! You know what you can do! (Slamming down the phone)

(Offscreen) Goddamn phoney!

danny (Pointing to the offscreen Tina, smiling) Lou tells me you're

an interior decorator.
As Tina begins to speak, the film cuts to her, putting the phone down
on the dining room table across the room. The table is covered with
condiment holders and a vase; a lamp globe hangs down. Tina is livid.

The camera follows her as she stomps past her living room window,
its ledge dotted with bric-a-brac, as she throws things around and
walks over to a desk, a picture hanging above it on the wall.
 1
89

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Offscreen) I don't want to (Onscreen, storming across the

room) hear Lou's name. I don't want a runaround. I don't want

any crap, goddamnit!

danny (Walking over to Tina, who's leaning over the desk, rummaging
through the drawer) Uh, uh, darling, sweetheart, darling,
may I, might I interject one notion at this juncture? (Gesturing,

watching Tina search through the drawer) Sweetheart, how old

are you?

tina (Flinging aside papers and notions from the drawer) None of
your goddamn business!

danny (Looking back and forth from the papers Tina is flinging on the
floor to Tina)No, no, I'm serious, darling. Look, 1-look,

you're upset. Wha-, wha-, wha-, what sign are you? Gemini?
Are you Gemini? 'Cause I . . .

tina (Overlapping Danny, finding the object of her search: a pack of

cigarettes) Shut up! Will you just shut up?! (Walks away from
Danny, offscreen)

danny (Following the offscreen Tina into the kitchen) M-may I

make one statement? Can I just say one thing, sweetheart?

The phone starts to ring. Danny and Tina are now in the small

apartment kitchen. As Danny continues to talk, trying to rectify the

situation, Tina is trying to light a cigarette, her back to Danny.

danny My father, may he rest in peace, the man would say

maturity, (Gesturing) tha — a little tolerance, a willingness to
give, that's all.

Tina mutters indistinctly as she opens a kitchen cabinet, distracted,

looking for matches to light her cigarette. The phone continues to ring.
Tina continues to ignore it —and the gesturing Danny.

danny (Continuing, gesturing to Tina's back) That's all. L-l-1-1-

look, this is a big night for Lou. Don't ruin it for him.
 190

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Yelling, walking out of the kitchen to her dining room table) I

don't want to talk to that creep.

danny (Following Tina to the kitchen doorway, gesturing to her

back) Wha-what happened? I don't understand.

tina (Picking up the phone, into the receiver) Go to hell!

Tina hangs up the phone and stomps back into the kitchen, past the

agitated Danny in the doorway. He turns and follows her, once again
talking to her back, as Tina begins rummaging through the kitchen

cabinet anew.

danny (Gesturing, to Tina's back) Sweetheart, may I make one

statement here? And I don't mean to be didactic, nor facetious
in any manner.

tina (Overlapping, noisily rummaging through the cabinet) What

the hell are you talking about?

danny (Gesturing) But, the man's crazy about you. He's nuts
for you. Why don't you
tina (Interrupting, turning around to Danny) Yeah, I got friends
who told me he was out last night with a cheap blonde.

danny (Reacting, gesturing and shaking his head) A cheap blonde?

Lou? A cheap blonde? (Looks away for a beat as Tina turns back

to her cabinet search) It doesn't — Would he fall for a cheap

blonde? Uh, you know, the man has class. He's got — He's
got—
tina (Interrupting as she walks across the narrow kitchen past Danny
and starts to search another cabinet on the opposite wall, her unlit

cigarette still in hand) Yeah? I thought so, too.

danny (Turning around and walking over to Tina, once again talking
to her back) Yes, of course. (Gesturing) Sweetheart, I promise
you, he's cheating with you. (Shaking his head as Tina, searching
 BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

noisily, throws a box down on the floor) He's got integrity. He

cheats with one person at a time, only. That's his style.
He's—

tina (Stopping her search for a heat as she looks at Danny) Yeah.
My friends told me he was at the track last night with his arm
around a cheap blonde. (Turns her back as she begins to search

another cabinet, throwing down box after box onto the floor)

danny (To Tina's back, more and more agitated) Bu-but, you
know, because they bother him you know,
'cause he's cute,
(Looking off as he makes a grabbing motion) so they try and grab.
So he pushes them away. (Gesturing a push, his palm up) So
maybe when he pushes them away, (Gesturing) his arm goes
around

tina (Interrupting, turning to Danny, shaking her head) Aw, knock

it off. You think I buy that? (Turns back to her cabinet search)
The phone on the dining room table in the background rings again.
Once more, it is ignored.

danny (Gesturing, to Tina's back) Wha-wha-, you know, uh

(Snapping his fingers) his wife is a blonde. His wife, eh, she's

not cheap. A lovely woman. Educated. (Pushing back his hair)

She's a cocktail waitress, you know what I mean? (Turning as
Tina stomps through the doorway to answer the phone, gesturing to

And, and they don't all hustle. They

Tina's back) don't. No
matter what you say, they're not hustlers.

tina (Picking up the phone, into the receiver) What the hell do you
want?

danny (Walking over to the dining room table, standing on the side
opposite Tina and gesturing) Look, please don't upset him.

tina (Into the phone, overlapping Danny) Yeah? Yeah, well, I'm
not coming, you got that?
 IQ2

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Overlapping Tina, gesturing) No, no, no, I want to speak

to him.

tina (Loudly, into the phone) Drop dead!

Tina throws the receiver on the table and walks back into the kitchen

offscreen.

danny (Reacting, scrambling and reaching over the table for the
phone) Ooh. Ooh. (Into the phone) Hello? (Fixing his glasses and
catching his breath) Lou? Lou? Yes. Lou? I-it's me. I got here
okay, Lou. (Gesturing, trying to sound calm as he rubs the back of a
dining room chair) The directions were good. They were good.
It was a Gulf station.

As Danny talks on the phone, his tone slow and methodical, glass is

heard breaking offscreen.

danny (Continuing to talk on the phone, ignoring the noise from the
breaking glass) Lou, she seems to be a little upset. (Looking up

for a beat as Tina scurries past the camera, on, then immediately

offscreen, in the kitchen) Mm-hmm.

Danny stays on the phone, his ear to the receiver, as the door is heard
slamming offscreen. He looks out offscreen, reacting, as the film cuts

outside to Tina's apartment building.

Tina, her coat in hand, is stridently walking away from the building

down the sidewalk. It is a sunny day; a wind blows the trees and
Tina's beehive hair. A few cars drive by.
danny (Offscreen) Tina! Tina! (Onscreen, rushing out of the build-
ing towards Tina) Hey, Tina! Ti

tina (Overlapping, turning her head towards Danny as she starts to

walk across the street) Will you get lost?

danny (Running up to Tina, looking out for cars as he crosses the

street) Where're you going?
 i93

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Not missing a beat as she continues to cross the wide two-way
street) I got other things on my mind besides two-timers.

danny (Gesturing, just behind Tina, stepping out of the way of some
passing cars) Wait. No, the man adores you. The man is crazy
about you. You're the one that he wants ringside.

tina (Looking straight ahead as she walks) What the hell you come
to get me so early for?

danny (Gesturing) I come every place early. I don't want to cut

it close.

They cross the street, past some other buildings, past a gas station
situated at a fork in the street, past a group of row houses. Cars
continue to drive by as they now walk on a sidewalk dotted with
telephone poles street signs,
, and the row houses' street -level garages.

tina (Walking briskly) You're hours early.

danny (Gesturing, running next to Tina) Yeah, I know, 'cause

tonight's a big night. Milton is coming tonight. Remember
when you were a little girl? Milton, Tuesday nights? He'd
come out in a woman's dress. Remember? Look, he's an im-
mortal.
Tina disappears into a stairway that leads up to one of the row houses,

offscreen. Danny follows her offscreen. The camera stays focused on the

row house with its street-level garage, it stairs leading up to a porch

and front door, and the porch itself, situated on top of the garage.
They continue to talk; their footsteps are heard on the stairs.

tina If I'm so (Offscreen) important to him, why does he two-

time me?
Tina appears onscreen as she walks onto the porch at the top of the

stairs, followed by Danny.

danny No. No. You got it wrong. You got

(Offscreen) it wrong,
sweetheart. Women, women annoy him. (Onscreen) He sings
and they mentally undress him, is . . . (Trails off)
 i
94

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

Tina opens the front door and walks inside — leaving a spluttering
Danny alone on the porch.

Gypsy violins begin to play in the background as the film cuts inside
the row house, to the bedroom where Angelina the fortune-teller is

sitting up in her bed; light filters in from a bamboo shade on a nearby

window, which is bordered with an open print curtain. A portion of
a wooden icon is seen above the bed's wooden headboard; a small
drawing hangs nearby. Angelina's wide blanket is shared with her
dog, a small Pekingese who walks around the blanket near her. An-
gelina wears glasses and a demure nightdress. She wears a cross around
her neck. She looks out offscreen, her hands to her forehead in concen-
tration.

Angelina (Rubbing her forehead) I see an adventure. (Pointing,

sitting farther up) Yes, a trip. A man in a gray suit who owns a
dog will come to see you.
As Angelina begins to pet her dog, the film cuts to her point of view:

two clients, Tommy's brother and his mother, at the foot of her bed.
Behind them are other clients, including Tina; they overflow out
through the doorway; they all look offscreen at Angelina. A female
client walks past the group; she smokes a cigarette. Tommy's brother
wears a polyester suit; his ample mother wears a plain light dress.

tommy's brother (Turning to his mother) Ah. See, that's

Tommy.
tommy's mother (Nodding, to her son) Tommy?
tommy's brother (Nodding) Yeah.
Tommy's mother asks him a question in Italian. Danny appears in the
background, dimly seen walking over to Tina and standing next to

her.

tommy's brother (To the offscreen Angelina) When is he coming?

Angelina (Offscreen) Soon. Very soon. When you least expect
it, he'll be at your house.
 195

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tommy's brother (Overlapping Angelina) How soon?

danny (To Tina, loudly, overlapping Tommy's mother, who is asking
Angelina a question in Italian) What are you doing here?

tommy's brother (Overlapping indistinctly, distracted by Danny)

Shhh!

tina (To Danny) Shhh!

danny No, I'm ser-, uh . . .

Tommy's mother, distracted, mutters in Italian; both she and Tom-

my's brother turn around to the source of the interruption: Danny.
As he continues to talk to Tina, the film cuts to Angelina's young
assistant, counting money by the bedroom window. She too is dis-

tracted; she too looks up and out towards the offscreen Danny, react-

ing.

danny (Offscreen) At least call Lou. Call Lou.

tina (Offscreen) No.

Danny mutters indistinctly as the screen shifts to a different angle of
the scene, to Danny and Tina standing by the bedroom's double door,
their backs to the camera. Only one of its doors is open. Tina stands
in front of the open doorway; Danny stands in front of the closed glass-

paned portion. Clients stand in front of them, in the bedroom, and

behind them, in the hallway. Angelina is seen through the glass panes

of the closed door; she is in the background, lying in bed andforetelling

the future. The line moves forward as the clients up ahead get their
turn to speak to Angelina.

tina (To Danny) Will you just get out of here?!

danny (Gesturing, to Tina's back) The man is nervous. Yeah, I

know he doesn't seem so, but he, you know he's h (Indis- —
tinct)

Danny is interrupted as a short elderly woman in a cardigan sweater

u
(the tropical fish lady") and her taller, round husband walk between
him and Tina.
 196

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tropical fish lady (To Tina and Danny) Can I get ahead?

danny (Turning around to the tropical fish lady) Oh, she wants to
get ahead. (Moving back to let her pass) She wants . . . Let . . .

let her . . .

tina (To the tropical fish lady) Well, you know, I, I've been
waiting.

tropical fish lady (Walking ahead of Tina and Danny, turning

around to face them and the camera) Umm, my nephew's ill.

danny Oh, he's ill? (Pointing towards the nephew) Look, he's ill.

tropical fish lady (Overlapping Danny) Yeah, yeah, (Nodding

along with her husband, standing next to her) and he has a, a
lump on his neck.

danny A lump on his neck. Aw, that's terrible. (Gesturing)

God bless you, sweetheart. God bless you. How old are you,
darling?

tropical fish lady Seventy-eight.

danny (Gesturing) You're seventy-eight years old? That's won-

derful. Wh-wh-what are your hobbies?

TROPICAL FISH LADY Fish.

danny Fish? Tropical fish?

tropical fish lady (Nodding) Tropical fish.

danny (Laughing) That's incredible. My Uncle Menachem,

(Clapping his hands) may he rest in peace, the man, (Gesturing)
wonderful man, raised hamsters. You know what I
2L-2L-2L

mean? Hamsters. And I personally found 'em disgusting. But,

uh, he, the man adored them, like you probably feel about
your, you know, your-your, whatever, your guppies. You
know, it's (To Tina, gesturing) These are wonderful
. . .

people.
 i
97

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

As Danny continues to speak, the film cuts to a female client in the

bedroom, reacting and looking at him offscreen. She takes a drag of a

cigarette, then lights another with its tip. She sits on a chair; behind
her is a bureau with some knick knacks on its top. A portion of a

framed picture is seen on the wall.

danny (Offscreen, continuing) And they're of your persuasion.

And Lou is of your persuasion.

tina (Offscreen, overlapping) Lou's a liar.

The film cuts back to Danny and Tina, with the small tropical fish
lady standing between them. Angelina's assistant walks over to them,
interrupting.

danny (To Tina) No. He loves you like a mother.

Angelina's assistant (Overlapping Danny, to the tropical fish lady

and her husband) Excuse me. (Motioning to Tina) Okay, miss,

you're next. (To a client in front of them) Excuse me, sir. (To
Tina) Come on in.

tina (Following the assistant into the bedroom, to Danny) All that
crap about his bad marriage, and then he lies.

danny (Tagging along, to the tropical fish lady as he passes her) But-
but-but the man loves her like a mother. He adores her. Wor-
ships the ground she walks on.
Another customer, a woman, walks onscreen to the end of the line at

the bedroom door. Tina begins to talk to Angelina as the film cuts to

the bedroom proper. Tina stands at the foot of the bed, looking down
at the offscreen Angelina. She still wears her sunglasses. The chain-
smoking woman sits in the background, in the corner of the room,

watching. Danny walks onscreen, next to Tina.

tina Angelina, I have a lover but I think he's unfaithful.

danny (Gesturing, looking down at the offscreen Angelina) Excuse

me, Angelina, might I interject one concept at this point?
 198

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

The film cuts to Angelina, sitting on her bed, stroking her dog.

Angelina (Pointing with her free hand) He is unfaithful. And yet

he cares for you.
The camera moves back to Tina and Danny at the foot of the bed. The
chain-smoker is still watching the scene. An assistant walks past the
camera, carrying a tray offood over to the offscreen Angelina.

danny (Relieved) Aha! (Moving around Tina to her other side and
gesturing) See? He cares for you. He cares for . . . (To the
offscreen Angelina, gesturing) God bless you, da — God bless
you.

Angelina (Offscreen) Don't go to him.

tina (Shaking her head) I won't.

danny (Dismayed) Wait a minute. (Looking from Tina to the off-

screen Angelina) Time out.

The camera is back on Angelina in her bed, the dog at her side under
her arm . . .

Angelina (Gesturing melodramatically) See friends. Resolve all

situations, even if it means traveling long distances.

. . . then back on Tina and Danny at the foot of the bed. Angelina's

money -counting assistant walks over to them; Tina hands her some
bills, then leaves. The assistant bows to the offscreen Tina, her hands
clasped in prayer. Danny turns around and looks out at the offscreen

Tina.

Angelina (Offscreen) But be careful.

danny (To the offscreen Tina) Hey, where you going? Wait.
Tina!

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. TEXACO GAS STATION-DAY.

Tina and a gas station attendant stand by the open door of her large
 i
99

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

four-door sedan. She hands him some money from her pocket book; he
hands her the car keys. Behind them is the garage. In the foreground

is a gas pump island. Danny's voice is heard as the camera moves past
Tina and her car, past the gas station's glass-enclosed office, past a
row of houses on a tree-lined street, past a row of cars parked along
the sidewalk, and across the busy street where cars are seen in the

distance. The camera continues to move while Danny speaks, moving

past a brick apartment house on the opposite side of the street, past a
double-parked car and several other parked cars, to Danny, in a phone
booth, talking into the receiver. Some trees, a few parked cars, and
an apartment house are seen in the background behind the booth. A
barking dog is faintly heard.

danny (Offscreen) Lou, we're into a definite type of situation

here . . . (Clears his throat) No, L — . . . Definitely, Lou . . .

Lou, definitely. We're . . . We're . . . we're into (Onscreen,

into the phone) a complete type of situation. I'm telling you, it's

a complete, definite type of situation.

The film cuts to Lou, talking on the phone in his house. Behind him is

a partially seen shelf, a wall lamp, a stereo, and a corner of a framed

picture. The wall is papered in a faint checkered design.

lou Why's she so mad at me? What, what'd I

(Into the phone)

do? Won't she even speak to me? I need a drink.

The film moves back to Danny in the phone booth. Some cars and a
truck pass by in the background street.

danny (Into the telephone) Lou. Lou. Lou, don't get the jitters,

because if you get nervous, your whole performance goes

right into the toilet. (Gesturing) You start drink — Lou. (Lis-

tens, nodding his head) Lou, I'll get her there, I promise. I, just
let me work out the logistics
Screeching tires are heard. Danny immediately reacts, throwing down
the receiver and running into the street, his back to the camera. Tina's

car squeals and swerves into view, speeding past Danny, who runs
after it, out on the street.
 200

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Shouting) Tina! Tina! Tina!

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. CARNEGIE DELI— NIGHT.

The comedians are at their table, listening to Sandy tell his Danny
Rose story. His face almost fills the screen in profile; next to him on
his left are Will, eating some food and then wiping his mouth with a
napkin, and Jack, looking at Sandy with rapt attention. Corbett's

face is barely seen on Sandy's right.

sandy (Gesturing) And now, it's the big day, and things are
starting to go wrong. Lou is boozing a little bit.

Howard (Offscreen) Yeah, I remember him with the Cutty

Sark.

sandy (Looking out at the offscreen Howie) Uh-huh. Okay. (Point-

ing) Now, she splits. She splits.

corbett The girlfriend.

sandy (Nodding, turning to Corbett and scratching his head) Yeah.

As Sandy continues to talk, the film cuts to a country road. Danny's
car is seen in the distance, moving closer and closer to the camera. No
other cars are seen. Telephone poles dot the side of the road. A few
billboards and some sparse trees are seen as Danny drives by. He passes
the camera — which follows him now as he drives past a modern office

complex, along the curving highway.

sandy's voice-over And Danny follows. She drives, and she

drives way the hell out somewhere. Danny's right on her
heels, but you know how Danny drives.
The comedians' laughter is heard as the film cuts to the outside of a
country estate. Tina's car is seen moving down a circular driveway

surrounded by pine trees. Parked cars line the drive. Tina parks her
car between two others; two nearby men in dark suits walk over to

her car. They are "party greeters, " checking each car. "Funiculi,
Funicula" plays in the background.
 201

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

sandy's voice-over All right. So she winds up, an hour later,

God knows where. She's taking Angelina the fortune-teller's

advice. She's winding up some business with old friends.

party greeter # i Hiya, Tina. We didn't think you were com-

ing.

tina (Overlapping him, getting out of her car) Hiya, guys.

party greeter #2 Oh, you look really nice.

tina (Overlapping him) You look handsome. (Kissing both men)

Yeah, well, I had a change in plans.

party greeter #i (To Tina) Thank you. Take care.

tina (Walking away towards the house) Okay, the party can
begin.
The two men watch Tina walk away, their backs to the camera, as

the film cuts back up the circular driveway. Through the branches of

the surrounding trees, Danny's car is seen slowly driving towards the

house. He moves closer and closer to the camera, past the lined-up
cars, past the two party greeters standing by Tina's car. He drives

over the driveway's inside curb, rights himself, then screeches offscreen.
The party greeters follow him, looking offscreen at his car. They walk
close to the camera. One of them smokes a cigar. Danny's car door
slams offscreen; Danny rushes onscreen, about to pass the two men.
They turn around to face him, their backs to the camera.

party greeter #i (Stopping Danny) Can we help you, sir?

danny (Facing the camera, gesturing, to the two men) Oh, yeah,
I'm I'm-I'm I'm with Tina. I'm a friend of Tina's. Yeah. Yeah.
God bless you, fellas. Stay where you are. You're doing an
aces job. (Walking off towards the house, pointing back at the men)
I'll check back with you on my way out. (Turning back for a
moment, to the two men) I'll leave something nice for you.
 202

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

PARTY GREETER #2 All right.

The film cuts to the party in progress, on the expansive back lawn of
the country estate. Crowds of people mingle around a pool. Umbrel-
laed tables are scattered throughout the horde. A statue and some
shrubbery are seen in the foreground. The back of the house, a grand
building with many windows, is seen; an awning is set up on the

patio. The sounds of conversation are heard as the film cuts to a close-

up view ofRocco, Tina's uncle; he wears a medallion around his neck

and holds a drink in his hand. Trees and some milling guests are seen

behind him.

rocco Who are you?

danny (Walking onscreen next to Rocco, gesturing) Oh, I'm here
with Tina.

rocco (Shaking Danny's hand) Oh, I'm her Uncle Rocco.

danny (Shaking Rocco's hand) Oh. Lookit, Danny Rose.

Danny

rocco (Interrupting, putting his arm around Danny) Yeah. What

do you do?
They start to walk, continuing their conversation, past some milling
guests, past some lush trees in the background. Several guests walk by
in front of them.

danny (Looking over his shoulder) Theatrical management.

rocco What are you looking for?

danny Well, I'm looking for Tina. I lost her.

rocco Relax. You gotta be around her every second?

danny No. (Looking over his shoulder again, almost bumping into a
cluster ofguests) Well, what do you do, Rocco?

rocco Ah, cement.

danny Cement?
 20 3

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

rocco I own a fleet of cement mixers.

danny Oh, no kidding? Well-well is-isn't that a

(Ingenuously)
very big organized c —
(Stops, catching himself) Cement. That's

fantastic, cement.
As Danny continues to talk, they stop walking. They now stand near
Annie, Tina's aunt. She's in conversation with a gesturing man, her
back to the camera. She has a blonde beehived hairstyle; she wears a

ruffled dress.

danny (Continuing, putting his hand on Rocco's shoulder as a waiter

passes by in front of him) Because, cement, you always, you
always need cement. That's what's great about cement. (Ges-

turing, looking off for a moment) It's not like tape recorders,
which is a luxury item. Cement you use . . .

rocco (Overlapping, tapping his wife on her shoulder) Annie,

Annie. Annie. This is Tina's new boyfriend.

annie (Turning to face Danny) Oh, hello. (Shaking Danny's hand)

How long you been going out with my niece?

danny (Gesturing) Oh, no, we don't go out, I'm — We're just

friends. We're just friends, that's all.

annie (Overlapping Danny, nodding and smiling) Yeah, well, I

know Tina.

rocco (Overlapping Annie and waving offscreen) Vinnie! Vinnie!

As the group continues to talk, the camera leaves them, moving past
several milling partygoers to Vincent, who is walking towards them
with his wife. Vincent wears a leisure suit; his hand is on his wife's
arm. They join the others; Vincent moves away from his wife. Guests

mill about around them, talking and drinking. The accordion music
continues. The group now includes Rocco, Annie, Vincent, and his

wife. They stand in a subtle line, facing Danny and the camera.

danny (Overlapping, offscreen to Annie) No, it's true, darling.

 204

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

rocco (Offscreen) Danny's in show business.

danny (Offscreen) I'm just a friend.

rocco (Offscreen) He's a manager.

vincent (To Danny, joining the group) Oh, yeah? You know
Jackie Whalen?

danny (Onscreen now, his face in profile) Oh yeah, he's a come-

dian. He's very funny.

Vincent's wife (Shaking her head) I don't think he's funny. I

think he's dirty.

danny (Gesturing) Oh, yeah, well, today everything is. You

know, with the pornography, am I right? All the four-letter
words. You know, it's all filthy. I mean

vincent (Nodding, walking towards Danny and interrupting him)

You know, I saw this guy in Atlantic City . . .

Vincent moves Danny away from the group. They talk as they walk
a few steps; a guest passes in front of them. Other guests mill about in
the background; one male guest, wearing a dark shirt, is chewing
gum.

danny (Nodding, looking down) Yeah?

vincent (Taking Danny's arm) He had a cigar box.

danny Uh-huh.

vincent (Gesturing) And he cuts a hole in it, and then he goes

backstage, he opens up his fly, and he sticks his thing in it.

danny (Looking at his watch, then over his shoulder) Uh-huh.

vincent Then he goes outside, down to ringside, to some old

lady's table, opens up the box. I mean, that's humor?
 205

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Gesturing, to Vincent as more guests pass in front of

them) Well, you know, they call me old-fashioned, but, but,
if it's old-fashioned to like Mr. Danny Kaye, (Counting on his

fingers, then pointing to Vincent's shoulder for emphasis) Mr. Bob

Hope, Mr. Milton Berle, you know what I mean, then, all

right, then I'm old-fashioned. (Putting his hand on Vincent's

shoulder) You know what I'm saying?

vincent (Overlapping Danny, nodding) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The accordion music stops as the film cuts inside the house, to the

darkened living room. In the foreground is a dimly seen table, its top

cluttered, and other barely seen chairs and lamps. The den is visible

through a doorway in the background; sun pours through its large

windows and French doors. A print sofa sits in front of the French
doors. The room is busy with lamps, a glass coffee table, and objets

a"art. Johnny's voice is heard as he walks onscreen in the den; he is

framed by the back lit doorway.

johnny (Offscreen) Tina, can't we (Onscreen, looking off to the

right) discuss it?

tina (Offscreen) No, we discussed it a hundred times.

johnny (Gesturing, his arms outstretched) Then why did you

come here today? (Turns and walks offscreen again)

tina (Offscreen) I don't know. I don't know. I guess I shouldn't

have.

johnny (Walking back onscreen, once again framed by the doorway as

he looks offscreen to the right, his arms outstretched) Tina, I love
you.
The film cuts to the den proper, to Tina, standing in front of a
window, her sunglasses still in place. Framed pictures and a mirror
line the wall; a large plant stands nearby.
 206

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Gesturing, her arms outstretched) No. No, it's over.

Tina walks over to the long bar, its top holding some filled large

decanters, a plant, and a piece of sculpture. Windows line the wall

behind it. Tina starts to make herself a drink; Johnny stands on the
other side of the bar. An ice bucket and several bottles of liquor sit

nearby on the corner of the bar; pictures hang on the wall above it.

The faint sound of accordion music is heard from the party outside.

johnny (Offscreen) If I thought that, I'd kill myself.

tina (Gesturing, looking under the bar for a glass) Johnny, don't
talk like that.

johnny (Leaning over the bar) And you know I'd do it, too.

tina (Holding a glass, taking off the top of the ice bucket) You know,
y-y-y-you're too emotional. That's your problem.

johnny (Taking a piece ofpaper out of his pocket, then turning around,
his back to Tina) I wrote you a poem.

tina (Overlapping Johnny) Oh, Jesus. I shouldn't have come.

I'm too mixed up myself.

johnny (Standing near the light from the window) It's about our
month in Sicily.

tina (Pouring some liquor into her glass) Can't you forget it?

johnny (Reading, pouring out his words as Tina, drink in hand, turns
away, looking out a window behind the bar and waving) "We
strolledon cliffs of stone / Like Greeks of ancient times. /

Your hair blew this way and that / Mixed with bits of sand. /

Our eyes ..."

As Johnny continues his poem and Tina continues to look out the

window, the film cuts to another doorway — where Danny appears,

walking from the foyer into the den. He stands in the doorway,
looking at the offscreen couple. Behind him are a staircase, a chande-
lier, and a small glass table with a flower arrangement on its top.
 20 7

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

johnny (Offscreen, continuing) "... met and then looked out /

Toward the sea, the blue Aegean."

danny (Gesturing, looking out at the camera) Uh, Tina?

The film cuts back to the bar, where Johnny is still emoting; a shocked
Tina turns from the window and looks at the offscreen Danny.

johnny "We laughed and ran and whispered ..."

tina (Overlapping Johnny , to Danny) What are you doing here?!

The camera is back on Danny in the doorway . . .

johnny (Offscreen) "... vows of love undying."

danny (Gesturing, to the offscreen Tina) I know what you're

thinking. Pushy, right? Pushy . . .

. . . then back on the bar. Tina stares open-mouthed.

johnny (Gesturing, to the offscreen Danny) I'm reading a poem.

danny (Offscreen) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I came to get you be-
cause it's so important . . . (Trails off indistinctly)

johnny (Overlapping Danny's mumbling) "The sun caressed your

skin ..."

tina (Overlapping Johnny and Danny, to the offscreen Danny) I

want to know what you're doing here.

johnny (Overlapping Tina, reading his poem) "... so fair, so

gleaming white ..."

danny (Offscreen) I want you to come with me.

johnny (Stopping his poem, to Danny) Who are you?

The camera moves back to Danny in the doorway.

danny (Gesturing, not missing a beat) Danny Rose, theatrical

management. Cou-, mi-might I just get five minutes with the
young lady alone, please?
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Offscreen) Now listen, Danny, you know I'm dying to

come to the Waldorf Danny in the
(Onscreen, walking over to

doorway, her drink in hand) but it's just that I fe-, I've been hurt,
that's all.

The film cuts back to Johnny at the bar as he talks. He begins to walk
towards the offscreen doorway, towards the camera. He still holds the
piece ofpaper containing his poem.

johnny (Offscreen) So, this is who's (Onscreen) been sending the

single white rose every day — Danny Rose.
The film cuts back to the doorway, where Danny and Tina are looking
at the offscreen Johnny.

tina (Indignant) How do you know about the white roses?

johnny (Offscreen) I know. Believe me, I know more about you
than you think I know.

danny (Gesturing, to Tina) Might I interject something here?

tina (Ignoring Danny, looking at the offscreen Johnny) You know

because you spy on me!

danny (To Tina, trying to get her attention) Might I interject

something . . .

johnny (Offscreen, overlapping Danny) It's (Onscreen as the film cuts

back to him at the bar) not spying when you care about some-
one. How they live. What's happening to them.

tina (Offscreen) Yeah. (Onscreen as the camera moves back to the

doorway) You, you check my mailbox in my apartment when

I'm not there. Admit it!

danny (Trying to interrupt, gesturing) Tina, please.

The camera is back on Johnny. He's walking closer to the doorway,
closer to the camera. His voice is starting to rise.

johnny So you prefer him with his white roses to me and all

we were to each other? '

 209

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Offscreen) Please, it's getting late.

The film cuts back to an irate Tina and a disconcerted Danny in the

doorway . . .

tina (Pointing to herself) I-I prefer someone that has respect for
me and doesn't spy!

. . . then back to Johnny, his eyes soulful . . .

johnny (Looking out at the offscreen Tina) Are you going with
him?

. . . then back to the doorway, where Tina, muttering under her

breath, turns and storms out into the foyer, making a left offscreen.

danny (Turning and following Tina) Tina, w— Can I get one

. . . Tina, talk . . .

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. BACKYARD OF COUNTRY ESTATE—DAY

The film is back at the party. An accordion player is strolling through

the crowd of mingling, chattering guests; he nods and smiles. As he

passes, the camera following, two fat teenage boys, identical twins,

are revealed — eating from plates heaped with food. The accordion
player strolls offscreen as the film moves to a chubby Mike, Mrs.
Rosotti, wearing sunglasses and a hairspray -frozen do, and Angelo,
with a wad of money in his hands. Behind them, a bartender is busy
at an outside bar. Angelo proceeds to tear some bills in half.

mrs. rosotti What are you doing with money?

mike (Pulling out a wad of bills from his pocket) What are you, a
big shot, tearing up your money?

angelo (Overlapping, mumbling) It's only paper.

mrs. rosotti (Gesturing to a woman nearby) You see what

they're doing? Look at what they're doing.
 2IO

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

mike (Overlapping Mrs. Rosotti) I been tearing up money since

my first Holy Communion. See this? (Ripping some of his bills

in half) Ten dollars. I don't care. (Flinging it into the air) Here.
What does it mean?

mrs. rosotti (Overlapping Mike) Wait a minute. You're abso-

lutely crazy.

angelo (Overlapping Mrs. Rosotti, ripping more of his money in half)

Twenty. Twenty. Here. (Flinging the pieces in the air) I don't

care.

mike (Overlapping Angelo, counting off some more bills from his

wad) Twenty? Twenty? A twenty, forty, sixty dollars. (Rip-

ping the bills in half and flinging them into the air) What does it

mean, you know?

mrs. rosotti (Overlapping the men) Wait. They're crazy.

angelo (Holding up a wad of bills) Fifty.

mike (Looking at Angelo) It means nothing.

mrs. rosotti (Looking at Angelo) Why don't you stop him?

angelo (Ripping more bills and flinging them in the air, looking at

Mike) I'll tell you what it means. It means fascination, that's

all it is.

The film cuts to the grounds of the estate, with its sprawling green
lawn and lush trees. No one is in sight. The accordion music at the

party can be heard in the distance as Tina first speaks over the idyllic

scene. She and Danny then appear on the screen, strolling through the
grounds, deep in conversation, far from the camera. Tina is holding a
drink in her hand.

tina (Offscreen) Yeah, I want to see Lou, but he treats me

lousy.
 21 I

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Onscreen, gesturing) W-w-, you know, Lou's crazy

about you, I'm telling you. You know, tonight's a big shot for
him, really. Y-you know, with all due respect for Lou, he's
not a kid. He's trying to make a comeback.

tina (Onscreen) When, when he sings "That's Amore," that for

me is, is the end.
The camera shifts to a different angle, to a closer view of Danny and
Tina from behind. They are still strolling and talking. In front of

them is the expansive back lawn of the house, with its party still going

strong. Guests are mingling; one of them runs across the lawn. Danny
and Tina pass some tree trunks as they walk, momentarily obscuring
the view of the party. Statues are seen in the background; the sounds

of the accordion and the party conversations can be faintly heard over
the scene.

danny (Nodding and gesturing) Is it unbelievable, what he does

with that song?

tina (Overlapping Danny) Oh.

danny (Shaking his head) Isn't that fantastic? (Pushing back his

hair) Let, let me, (Gesturing) can, may, may

you with I hit

one, can, I'm gonna hit you with one word now. I'm gonna
say just one word that

tina (Interrupting) Yeah?

danny (Gesturing) Sorrento. Okay?

tina Yeah.

danny Sorrento. (Nodding and gesturing to himself) Am I lying?

tina (Overlapping Danny) Oh, yeah. I like it when he takes the

microphone off the stand and he walks around a little bit and
sort of, sort of throws the microphone from hand to hand.

danny (Pointing to himself) That's my gesture. That's my

touch. I gave him that.
 212

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

TINA No.

danny (Shaking his head) No. Yes.

tina I saw him years ago. He took the microphone off the
stand.

danny Right. (Pantomining a microphone moving from hand to

hand) But he didn't throw it from hand to hand.

tina Ohhh.

danny (Gesturing) I gave him that touch. I used to do that

when I was a nightclub act.
tina So, you taught him to throw the microphone from hand
to hand . . .

danny Yeah, I taught him everything he knows.

tina (Overlapping Danny) Very good . . .

danny (Hitting one hand into the palm of the other, interrupting) I

gave him his gestures. I, I handle his budget. I pick his

clothes, his songs, you know

tina (Crossing in front of Danny, looking back at him, smiling, still

holding her drink) And you manage his love life?

danny Well, you know

tina Hmm?
danny Look, you know, my father, (Gesturing) may he rest in
peace, said, "In business, friendly but not familiar." But what
am I gonna do? This is personal management I'm in. You
know, it's the key word, it's personal.

tina (Looking at Danny) Ooh.

danny So, you know I gotta get involved. Like, like my . . .

Herbie Jayson, my bird act. The cat ate the, the lead bird.
 213

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

(Gesturing, momentarily obscured by a tree trunk) So, I gotta leap

right into the breach, you know. Or my Puerto Rican ventril-
oquist. The kid's a wonder, he's got everything you need to
make it big, but he's a dope addict. So I, you know, I gotta
get in there and help.

tina (Shaking her head) What can I say?

danny (Pausing, fumbling with his fingers) You know, its funny,
now that I see you, I'm the wrong guy to be the beard, be-

cause who'd believe (Gesturing) that, that such a beautiful girl

would, would date me?

tina (Smiling) Come on.

danny (Shaking his head and gesturing) No. I'm telling the truth.

That's, it's the emess. (Putting his palm up) My hand to God.
tina (Overlapping Danny) No, I'm not beautiful.

danny (Overlapping Tina) No, sweetheart. I'm telling you.

(Gesturing) And I see a lot of singers and actresses. You are.

tina (Looking at Danny for a moment) Well, you're not so terri-

ble.

danny (Gesturing) Yeah. I-I know one thing, honey, I'm never
going to be Cary Grant. I don't care what anybody says.
(Stopping with Tina as she sips her drink, and pointing to her glass)
Can I, can I get a sip of that?

tina (Nodding and handing Danny her glass) Sure. All right, can
I tell you a secret? (Putting her hands in her pockets as Danny sips)
And I'm, I'm not (Gesturing) just trying to make you feel good
or anything.

danny (Handing the glass back, reacting to the strong drink) Yeah?

tina (Taking her glass, shaking her head) Handsome men never
did anything for me.
 2IJ.

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Touching his glasses, still reacting to the drink) No?

tina You know what turns me on?

DANNY No.

tina (Nodding) Intellectual.

danny (Shaking his head, fumbling with his fingers) Teh. Really?

tina And I'm not, I'm not just saying this to make you feel

good, or anything (Nodding, her drink in hand) . . . Y-y-you're

a smooth talker.

danny Yeah? (Looks away briefly, raising his eyebrows, and touches

his glasses)

tina Angelina once even predicted I would marry a Jew.

danny (Gesturing) Did she, did she happen to say which Jew?

tina No. A, a Jew or someone musical. Yeah, isn't that inter-

esting? (Nodding) Kind of?

danny (Overlapping Tina, gesturing) Yeah. Well, listen, sweet-

heart . . . now that we're talking about something musical,
could you go call Lou? Really. 'Cause the guy needs you. Go,
give him a call, (Glancing at his watch) 'cause it's late and we'll
get right out of here. Please. (Touching Tina's shoulder) Please,
darling.
Tina nods slightly and walks off. Danny watches her move across the

lawn as the film cuts inside, to the dining room, seen through the

doorway of the foyer. The table is groaning with food. Two men stand
near its long side, facing the camera, picking and nibbling at the
platters. Two young boys chase each other around the table as Tina's
voice is heard over the scene, as she walks onscreen in the foyer, pacing
and talking on the phone. Another man walks into the dining room,

taking food from the buffet, his back to the camera. A woman is seen

in the kitchen in the background, through another doorway. The

 215

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

dining room walls are cluttered with a hanging mirror, a clown

painting, and busy wallpaper. As Tina talks, standing near the foyer
doorframe, the woman in the kitchen walks through the dining room,
around the table, and into the foyer, squeezing past Tina as she walks
offscreen towards the camera. She carries two large loaves of bread. A
waiter carrying a tray ofhors a"oeuvres follows directly behind her.

tina (Offscreen) No, Lou, no, it's not that I hate you. It's just

(Onscreen, into the phone, pacing) that, you know, you get me
angry sometimes . . . (Standing by the foyer door frame) Yeah.
I-I-I'm a, I'm gonna, I'll, I was always going to be there.
(Nodding, a cigarette in her hand) I'll be there. Will you listen to

me? I'm coming, okay? It's just that s-sometimes you get me
crazy .(Laughing) Yeah
. . . . . Yeah.

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. ESTATE BACKYARD— DAY.

Camille, a chubby dark-haired woman wearing white sunglasses, fills

the screen. She is sipping her drink at the back lawn party. Around
her are other guests, chattering and mingling. The accordion music
plays in the background. Camille suddenly stops drinking and looks
up.

camille (Pointing upward) Oh, my God! Look!

The surrounding party guests look up as the film cuts to another group

at the back lawn party, including an older, matronly woman with

teased dark hair, and two men in suits. They too stop their conversa-

tion and look up, reacting as the screen next shows their point of view:

Johnny stumbling to the edge of a curved, railed balcony, his hand to

his throat.

johnny It's him. (Pointing down, offscreen) She betrayed me

with him.
The film cuts to Johnny's point of view: Danny on the back lawn,
surrounded by other guests. He looks up, stunned. The accordion music
stops abruptly.
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

johnny (Offscreen) Danny Rose!

male party guest (Offscreen) Johnny! Hey!

The screen next shows the scene in a panoramic view, past the pool,

past the backs of lined- up guests, all looking up. Johnny is seen on the

top-floor balcony. He collapses as Joan, in a flowing gown, runs onto

the balcony next to him. There is a slight murmur of hushed conver-
sation. The striped umbrellas blow in the breeze. The party joie de
vivre has been interrupted.

joan (Dramatically) Oh, my God. He, he drank iodine! (Kneels

down next to Johnny)

crowd (Almost as one) Oh!

johnny He seduced her away from me!

Joan turns and rushes back inside as the film cuts to the party guests

on the ground, as seen from the balcony. Danny is standing alone

among the others; the tops of the umbrellas flutter in the breeze, their

connected tables holding plates offood. Everyone is looking up — until

Carmine, standing near Danny, turns and confronts him.

carmine Were you seeing Tina while she was going with
Johnny?
The surrounding guests turn as well. All eyes are on Danny.

danny (Panicky, gesturing) No. W-why would- would I do

something like that? Would I? No.
Johnny begins to speak as the camera moves back to him, sprawled out
on his balcony. He grasps one of the railings as he speaks. An umbrella
top is partially seen below the balcony. A nearby upstairs window is

seen.

johnny (Offscreen) Then (Onscreen) who sent the white roses?

One every day.
Johnny's white-haired mother rushes through the balcony doors and
leans over her son.
 2I 7

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

johnny's mother (Pulling at his arm) Johnny! Johnny, what

happened? (Murmurs in Italian) What happened? Tell
Mommy. (Helping Johnny up to a sitting position as he groans
loudly, to the crowd) My son is sensitive. He's a poet. (Kisses

him, continuing in Italian)

The camera is back on Danny standing alone, surrounded by the
others, as seen from the high balcony . . .

danny (Looking up at the offscreen Johnny, pointing) He's fantas-

tic. H-how old are you, Johnny?

. . . then back to the balcony, where Johnny is draped over the rail-

ing, his mother propping him up . . .

johnny's mother (Shouting) He's forty!

. . . then back to Danny on the ground.

danny (Gesturing, looking up, his drink in hand) That's really

unbelievable. Wha — Are you an Aries? Just, just tell me. Are
you an Aries?

carmine (Addressing the surrounding crowd at large) Johnny's

been made a fool out of.

danny (Turning around, to Carmine, then up towards the balcony,

reacting) No. I, I, I . . .

Danny is interrupted by Johnny's mother, who begins to shout dra-

matically as the film cuts back to the balcony.

johnny's mother (Offscreen) No! (Onscreen, looking down towards

Danny) No! They forced him to wear the horns. (Makes the

Italian sign for horns as she continues in Italian)

The camera moves to three party guests —a fat woman wearing sun-
glasses, a young woman smoking a cigarette, and a little boy in glasses
— sitting at an umbrellaed table, listening and watching the offscreen

spectacle. An elderly man in a three-piece suit stands near them,

 218

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

munching on a sandwich as he listens. Others stand in the background,

their heads hidden by the umbrella. All are immobile, watching.

johnny (Offscreen) We were engaged until he put a spell on her.

Then it's back to the highly agitated Danny, standing alone amidst
the others, as seen from the high balcony.

danny (Looking up at the offscreen Johnny, gesturing and reacting) I,

would, I, I, you know. This man's a beautiful man. (Turning

around to the others as they begin to close in on him) He is a
fantastic individual. I,you know
The guests, closer now, stare at Danny as the film cuts to Johnny and
his mother on the balcony.

johnny's mother (Interrupting Danny) Vendetta! Vendetta . . .

(Continues in Italian, gesturing)

As Johnny's mother continues to rant in Italian, the film cuts to a

close view of two party guests —a young man, mouth open, and a
his

fat woman, her hair in a tight topknot — looking up at the offscreen

balcony. They are immobile, mezmerized as Johnny's mother's voice

trails off. The trees in the back lawn frame their faces. After a beat,
the film cuts to:

EXTERIOR. TREE-LINED STREET— DAY.

Danny's car is seen driving down the empty, tree-lined street , rattling

noisily as it zooms towards the camera. As the car passes the camera,

moving offscreen, the film cuts inside. Tina sits in the passenger seat,
closer to the camera, chewing gum and looking out the window.
Danny drives, looking straight ahead. As they drive along, trees,

street lamps, and an occasional house are seen through the window.
The car's rattling is heard over their conversation.

danny Boy, that guy Johnny must have really been crazy
about you.
 2I 9

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Shrugging) Ah, you know, I, uh, I just, I-I-I like to flirt,
you know? Sometimes people take it too seriously. Johnny's
all right. He, he was really nice to me when my marriage fell

apart.

danny (Looking briefly at Tina, touching his glasses) Yes, and what
did your husband do?

tina Oh, a little bookmaking, some loansharking, extortion,

like that.

danny (Looking briefly at Tina) So, he's a professional man.

What did you do, y-you divorced him or you got a separation

or what?

tina Ah, some guys shot him in the eyes.

danny (Shocked) Really? He's blind?

tina Dead.

danny He's dead, of course, (Pointing to his eye) 'cause the

bullets go right through. Oh, my God, you poor thing. Were
you sh-, were you sh-, you must have been in shock.

tina (Rubbing her nose) Ah, he had it comin'.

danny Oh, I see, it was one of those. A close marriage.

tina was exciting for a while, though. You
It n-, you never
knew what was gonna happen next.

danny (Nodding, looking briefly at Tina) Well, that kind of ex-

citement I can live without.

tina He was really, uh, he was tough, good-lookin'.

danny Yeah? And what'd he tell you he did when-when you

married him?

tina A juice man for the mob.

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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Incredulous) He made juice for the mob?

tina Teh. Juice man. No, he collected for the loan sharks.

Soulful Italian music starts to play as the film cuts back outside, to
the car driving down the country street , farther and farther away
from the camera. Sandy begins his narration anew.

sandy's voice-over Okay, so now Danny is driving along with

Tina. They're talking. What they don't know is two minutes
after they left the party . . .

As Sandy speaks, the scene shifts to the country estate's porch. As a

man in a suit walks away offscreen, a tall, elaborate flower arrange-
ment is revealed, filling the foreground. In the background, past the

flowers, are Johnny and his mother. They are in the midst of a heavy
conversation at an umbrellaed table with wrought-iron chairs. Stand-
ing near them are johnny's tough-looking brothers Joe and Vito. As
Sandy continues his tale, the camera moves closer and closer towards
the group. A waiter, carrying a tray, passes in front of them. Johnny
sips some coffee. He kisses his mother's hand.

sandy's voice-over (Continuing) . . . there was this little scene

with Johnny Rispoli's brothers, Joe and Vito, who are both
hit men for the mob. Their mother is outraged and humiliated

over what's been going on with Danny Rose, who they call

Danny White Roses.

The film cuts to a closer view of Joe, standing by the table, near a
sunlit French door, a portion offringed umbrella near his head . . .

joe (Looking at his offscreen mother) Don't worry, Mama. You

just leave him to us.

. . . then moves to Johnny's mother, sitting at the umbrellaed table.

She is framed by a potted palm and a window in the background.

johnny's mother Your brother is soft. He's sensitive.

As she speaks, the film cuts to Johnny, sitting at the table, his face

down, embarrassed . . .
 221

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

vito (Offscreen) Yeah, her husband had no respect for us either.

. . . then moves to Vito, standing by the table, partially obscured by

the fringed umbrella. Behind him is a large plant.

vito (Continuing, gesturing) Carmine Vitale, he was no damn

good. He cheated us. And she's no better.
The camera moves back to Johnny at the table, then cuts back and
forth between the family members as they talk. The scene has an almost
claustrophobic feel as they talk tightly and intensely, a close-knit
family ready for revenge. The Italian music plays on.

johnny (Gesturing) She said one thing to my face and she be-
trayed me.

johnny's mother (Looking offscreen towards Johnny, gesturing) It's

the lover. He's got her under his spell, Johnny.

joe (Looking at the offscreen Johnny, nodding) We'll fix him.

vito (Offscreen) We'll chop his legs off.

joe (Turning to look at the offscreen Vito) No. We'll kill him. I

don't trust him.

johnny (Pointing at the offscreen Joe) But not Tina. (Making a fist,
with intensity) Please, not Tina.

johnny's mother (Looking at the offscreen Johnny, pointing) Get

rid of the lover. Get rid of the lover and you get her back. (To
the offscreen Joe) He's got the evil eye. Chi malocchio. You under-
stand? (With intense feeling) Figlio mio e malocchio.

joe (Looking at his mother, calmly) Mama, he's a dead man.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. ROADSIDE RESTAURANT— DAY.

Elaborately decorated layer cakes in a revolving display case fill the

screen. As they turn, one after another, the sounds of the restaurant

are faintly heard. Tina and Danny speak offscreen as the film cuts to
 222

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

them, dimly seen in the background of the diner. A uniformed waitress

is taking their order. The display case, lit up and revolving, is seen in

the foreground, near some empty tables. Some sunlight filters through
heavily curtained drapes on the far wall behind Danny and Tina's
table. A customer, his check in hand, walks by. Other customers sit at
tables scattered around the room.

tina (Offscreen) I'll just have an iced coffee.

danny (Offscreen) Yeah, and I'm gonna have a glass (Onscreen to

the waitress) of milk, please. A large glass of milk, sweetheart.

(To Tina as the waitress walks away) I got an ulcer. I can't help
it. I shouldn'ta drank at the party, you know?

tina (Overlapping Danny) Hmm.

danny That's my mistake.

tina Yeah, my ex-husband had an ulcer.

The film cuts to Danny sitting opposite Tina at their table. Behind
him is a coatrack.

danny (Looking offscreen at Tina) Teh. They say it's stress, you
know. (Pointing to his head) It's an entire mental syndrome.
Tina speaks as the film cuts to her at the table, sitting opposite Danny.
The diner's drapes frame her head. She smokes a cigarette. The film
cuts back andforth between her and Danny as each one speaks in turn,

always looking offscreen at the other.

tina (Smoking her cigarette) Yep. Carmine was always afraid

they were gonna shoot him in the back.

danny (Inhales, shrugging, then gestures) He was wrong, so . . .

tina (Offscreen) So (Onscreen as the camera moves back to her) who

else you handle besides Lou?

danny (Pointing to himself) Me? I, you know, I got, I got,

(Clasping his hands) oh, I got various (Clears his throat) interest-
 223

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

ing artists. (Putting his hands down on the table) I got a, I got a
very wonderful blind xylophone player, you know, that's uh
... I got a . . . currently working with a parrot (Adjusting his

glasses) that sings "I Gotta Be Me." And, uh (Offscreen as the

film cuts to Tina, listening, deadpan) ... I got some very nice
balloon folders, you know? It's interesting.

tina No big shots, right?

danny (Onscreen, the camera back on his face, gesturing) I don't

know. I've, I've I've discovered certain artists that have gone
on to, uh, to better things, you know.

tina (Shaking her head) Yeah, but they all leave you, right?
How come?
The film moves back to Danny as the waitress's hands and torso appear
on the screen, placing a glass of milk in front of Danny, iced coffee

near the offscreen Tina. She puts the check down and walks off as he
speaks.

danny I got a theory about that, you know. (To the waitress)

Thank you. (To the offscreen Tina) I-I-I think what happens is
they get a swell head. You know what I mean? (Gesturing)
And they, they, they, people like to forget their beginnings,
you know, and they, they just split.

tina Yeah, believe me, you must be doing something wrong if

everybody leaves you.

danny (Gesturing) How? What am I doin' wrong? I, you know,

I-I find 'em, I discover 'em, I breathe life into 'em, and then
they, they go, you know. And then, then, no guilt. (Shaking

his head) I mean, they don't feel guilty or anything. (Snapping

his fingers) They just . . . split.

tina (Offscreen) Guilty? What the hell is that? (Onscreen as the

film cuts to her) You know, (Shrugging) they, they see some-
thing better and they grab it. Who's got time for guilt?
 22 4

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Gesturing) What are you talking about? Guilt is impor-

tant. It's important to feel guilty. Otherwise, you, you know,
you're capable of terrible things. (Scratching his nose, pushing his

glasses farther up on his nose) You know. It's very important to

be guilty. I-I'm guilty all the time and I-I never did anything.
(Offscreen as the camera cuts to Tina's side of the table) You know?
My, my, my rabbi, Rabbi Perlstein, used to say we're all

guilty in the eyes of God.

tina (Taking a puff from her cigarette, nodding) You believe in

God?

danny (Adjusting his glasses, gesturing) No, no. But uh, I'm
guilty over it.

tina (Shaking her head) Yeah, I never feel guilty. I-I-I-I just

think, you gotta do what you gotta do, you know? Life is

short. You don't get any medals for being a Boy Scout.
 225

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Offscreen, the camera staying on Tina) Well, do me a

favor, darling. Don't give this information to, uh, to, uh, Lou,
because, uh, you know, I got enough problems.
Tina sits up straighter as she looks out the offscreen window.

tina (Overlapping Danny, suddenly serious) Danny, don't move.

The film cuts to her point of view: Joe and Vito are getting out of
their car in the diner parking lot. They are gesturing to each other,

in heated discussion. Joe stands on the driver's side; Vito stands on the
passenger side of the car; they talk to each other over the hood. They
slam their car doors and start walking towards the diner entrance,
Joe in the lead. Cars go by in the drab semirural background beyond
the parking lot. The railing of the diner entrance as well as other

empty parked cars can also be seen through the window.

danny (Offscreen) What's the matter?

tina (Offscreen) Let's just get up slowly and get out of here.
Out the back door.
The film cuts back inside the diner, to Danny, sitting at his side of the

table.

danny (Turning and looking out the offscreen window) What? I

don't understand. What-what-what's out there?

The camera cuts to Tina, still reacting, still looking out the offscreen

window . . .

tina Johnny's brothers.

. . . then back outside, in the parking lot, as seen through the diner

window. Joe walks back to the car, as if remembering something. Vito

is still near the passenger side. Once again, they gesture and talk over
the car's hood as Danny and Tina speak over the scene.

danny (Offscreen) Johnny . . . y-you mean the, the guy with

the iodine?
 226

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Offscreen) They're crazy. That whole family.

The film is back at the table, on Danny, looking out the offscreen
window, then back at the offscreen Tina.

danny {Gesturing, smiling slightly , incredulous) W- . . . why, be-

cause they think I'm your lover?
Tina is now on the screen, on her side of the table. She fumbles with
her offscreen purse.

tina (Looking at the offscreen Danny, then down at her purse)

They'll tear the tongue right out of your head.
The film moves back to Danny, reacting to Tinas words.

danny (Gesturing) What are you talking about? I'm just a

beard. They'll tear the tongue out of the beard?
Tina starts to get up as the camera moves back, revealing both her
and Danny at their table, and the diner's counter and row of windows
beyond. A man works behind the counter; a shelf of magazines stands
nearby. "Agita" begins to play in the background.

tina Come on, (Getting up from her chair, her back to the camera)
throw some money down. Let's get out of here.
Tina walks around the table, her coat in hand; she stands next to

Danny, trying to hurry him along.

danny Hmm, what do you mean? (Pulling some money out of his
pocket, and looking at his check) I-I only got ten bucks.

tina (Gesturing) Leave it.

danny (Looking up from Tina to the table, gesturing) But . . .

leave it? The tip's a dollar and . . .

tina (Overlapping Danny gesturing) ,

Well, just leave it. (Grabbing
Danny's arm) Come on, will ya?

danny (Overlapping Tina, still looking back and forth from her to the

table) . . . the che-, the check is a dollar and a half.

 22 7

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Overlapping Danny, pulling him away) Hurry up.

danny (Putting the check and the money down on the table as Tina
pulls him away) We're gonna leave an eight-and-a-half-dollar
tip.

tina (Overlapping Danny, walking away with him in tow) Come

on. There ought to be a delivery entrance out here some-
where.
They start to walk up the aisle, their backs to the camera. They turn
right at the corner and walk towards the kitchen door, past several

other patrons at their table, past a waitress near a coffee and glassware
area who is carrying a cup of coffee. A hostess shows a couple to a
booth in the foreground.

danny (Following Tina down the aisle towards the kitchen) That's
eight and a half bucks. For that kind of dough I could get the
waitress to sleep with me.
Danny and Tina run through the kitchen's swinging doors, talking,
as the film cuts to the kitchen proper In front of them are open shelves,
.

holding utensils and equipment, above an aluminum sink. A refrig-

erator and cabinets are scattered in the room, forming aisles.

tina (Looking around the kitchen for the exit) Oh, God, where's
the, the . . . There it is!

Tina and Danny dash around the shelves and appliances, maneuvering
as they talk. Tina is in the lead. They pass two chefs in aprons,

working at the stove area; they run offscreen as the chefs watch them
go, reacting. The music plays on.

danny (Turning to the two chefs, gesturing) Oh, don't, don't get
up, fellas. Just keep turnin' out the junk food.
The film cuts to the back of the diner, with its small platform and
metal stairs leading from the delivery entrance to the asphalt. A truck
is parked near the door, forming an alleyway. A sign printed on the

building is partially seen in the foreground; a railing sits in front of

 228

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

it. The music continues as Danny and Tina dash out the entrance's

screen door and down the stairs. Tina is still in the lead. As they talk,

they run down the alleyway towards the camera, turning a corner to

the side of the diner. They pass the building's sign, which now can be
partially read: Restaurant —Jersey City — 14B.

tina (Running down the alley, breathlessly) Come on, this way!

danny (Following Tina, gesturing) You know, I don't like this.

Darling, darling, may I interject one statement? I don't like
what's going on. I would
Tina pauses near the diner, looking out at a scrubby field and the
parking lot beyond — where Vito is walking towards the diner's front
entrance.

tina (Interrupting Danny, reacting to Vito's distant figure) Oh,

Christ! (Looking around) Better go down there.
Tina runs into the scrubby field near the diner. A highway trestle is

seen in the background.

danny (Hesitating, then scurrying after Tina into the field) Hey,
I'm not going down there. What the hell did you get me into?

tina (Overlapping Danny, turning around and yelling at him)

Danny, do what I'm telling you. You'll wind up on a meat
hook!

danny (Looking around nervously) A meat hook? A meat hook?

Okay, I'll go first. (Grunting as he starts to climb down a small

ravine, holding Tina's waist) Uh. Teh. I'm angry, Tina.

tina (Yelling, looking behind her) Come on!

Danny gingerly climbs backwards down the ravine, holding Tina's

waist as she starts to move down backwards, guiding her.

danny (Overlapping Tina) I'm tellin' ya, I'm angry.

tina (Yelling, looking behind her) Hurry up and get down there!
 22 9

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Overlapping Tina) I'm, I'm really fuming. Just . . . oh!

Just feel free to dig your heel into my groin like that.

tina (Yelling) Come on!

danny (Grunting) Just . . .oh! Oh!

They start to disappear over the edge of the shallow ravine as the film
cuts to the sidewalk in front of the diner — where Vito and Joe, both
carrying baseball bats, branch out in different directions, in search of
their prey. Cars are parked in the lot next to the sidewalk; a portion

of the diner's front fagade, dotted with shrubs, is seen on the sidewalk's

other side. Trucks and cars pass on a road in the background. Farther
u
back is a boxcar sitting on some railroad tracks. As Agita" continues

to play, Vito, his back to the camera, walks offscreen to check Danny's
car in the lot. Joe walks down the sidewalk, closer and closer to the

camera, turning a corner to walk up the few stairs to the diner's

entrance. A pay phone is on the brick wall next to the diner's glass

doors.

As Joe walks up the diner's steps, the film cuts back to a panoramic
view of the nearby field. Danny and Tina are seen scrambling through
the narrow ravine, with the shrub-brush cliffs surrounding them, and
the highway trestle, telephone poles, and highway signs in the back-

ground. As they run, the camera moves past the field, past the scat-
tered telephone poles past a faint
,
Manhattan skyline; past the crowded
parking lot, past a sign, to the corner of the diner's front facade, an
outside lamp jutting out on the brick facade. In the glare of a large
window, a beer sign hanging down near its top, is Joe, standing
u
inside, looking out, the baseball bat in hand. As Agita" reaches a

feverish end, he reacts, noticing the offscreen Tina and Danny in the

distance. He leans over for a closer view through the window and the

film cuts to:

INTERIOR. CARNEGIE DELI— NIGHT.

The comedians are still gathered around their table, listening to Sandy
tell his tale. His face is in profile; he smokes a cigarette. Howard,
 2 3

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

sitting across from him, has his back to the camera. He smokes a cigar.
Next to Sandy is Will, eating some food, then Jack. The others are
sitting offscreen.

sandy (Gesturing) Okay, so Danny and Tina, they run.

jackie (Offscreen) That's the worst thing they can do, though.
The other comics start talking all at once, indistinctly commenting on
the tale thus far.

sandy (Over the others' voices) Wha-what's he gonna do?

Howard (Over the others' voices) What else is he gonna do? He

has no choice.

sandy (Overlapping the others, pointing a finger up for empha-

sis) Now, now, he is not only scared. (Gesturing) The man is
pissed off.

jack (Gesturing) Well, sure, because he didn't do anything.

sandy (Nodding, looking over at Jack briefly) He didn't do any-

thing. You got it. (Gesturing) Right.

jack (Overlapping Sandy) No.

Howard (Overlapping Jack) That's right.

the other comics (Overlapping Howard and Jack, on- and off-

screen) That's right.

sandy (Overlapping the others, putting his hands up in the air as he

looks around the table) Wait, wait, wait. Cut to a half hour
later.

jackie (Offscreen) All right.

sandy (Overlapping Jackie) It's a half hour later.

jackie (Offscreen) Yeah.

 23 l

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

sandy (Looking around the table, one finger up for emphasis) Now,
they're lost. They're lost.
A short laugh is heard from one of the offscreen comics. He mumbles
indistinctly.

sandy (Overlapping the offscreen comic, gesturing, drawing out the

words) And he's furious. He's getting on her nerves. She's

getting on his nerves.

Howard What else?

One of the offscreen comics groans, then laughs, as the film cuts back
to Sandy's story, to a jungle of tall reeds and grass. The leaves flutter
as Tina, clutching her bag and coat, and Danny come into view,

stumbling their way through the foliage. The cawing of birds and the
buzzing of insects are faintly heard.

danny (Offscreen) Aw. Jesus, where the hell are we? We- we're
in the middle . . . Look out!

tina (Overlapping Danny, stumbling into view) All right. Take it

easy.

danny (Onscreen following Tina through the grass)

,
And don't tell

me to take it easy, sweetheart, because I've had enough al-

ready today. You know, I'm a personal manager. I-I got a big
night ahead of me. I . . . meanwhile, I'm wandering around
here in North Vietnam.

tina (Turning her head towards Danny) We got away, didn't we?

danny (Stopping momentarily , the camera moving with Tina as she

stumbles through the grass) What do you mean, we got away?
I got nothing to get away from. (Offscreen, the camera following
Tina) I didn't do anything. Jeez, I-I-I'm ru-, (Running onscreen
behind Tina, looking behind him) running all of a sudden with,
with fortune-tellers and meat hooks and . . . (Groans and pants,
looking below him)
 232

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Interrupting, pushing away the grass as she walks) I'll take
care of it when we hit a phone.

danny (Overlapping Tina, groaning) Where — ? A phone? We're

in a swamp, darling. Where we where is there gonna be
. . .

a phone here? She shacks up with Lou and they want to break
my legs. (Grunts)

tina (Overlapping Danny, turning her head and getting an-

noyed) Listen, I don't have to go tonight.

danny Well, that's fine with me. (Offscreen as the camera focuses
on Tina stumbling through the underbrush) Then don't, because
I'm too scared already anyhow.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. LOU'S HOUSE—DAY.

The screen shows a framed painting of the Manhattan skyline hanging

on an otherwise empty living room wall as Teresa, Lou's wife, walks
onscreen. The camera moves with her as she makes her way into the

adjoining dining room, talking to an at first offscreen Lou, revealing

a sofa under the painting, an end table holding a lamp, and a wall
hanging. She walks over to Lou, who is holding a drink and peering
at himself in a hanging mirror above a buffet. A large breakfront fills

the opposite wall; in the middle of the room sit the dining room table,
a floral arrangement in its center, and chairs. In the background, by
the curtained window, Lous son is knocking on the glass pane making ,

faces at Lou's daughter, who is outside making faces back at him. A

chandelier hangs from the ceiling. A background open door near the
buffet leads into the kitchen.

teresa (Walking over to Lou in the dining room; holding a pen-

cil) Lou, honey, I wish you wouldn't drink like that. You've
got an important show tonight. (Soothingly) Come on.
 2 33

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

lou (Overlapping Teresa, peering in the mirror) I got an . . .

(Grunting) cold sore. (Pointing to his chin) I got a cold sore

tonight. I mean, look at this thing over here.

teresa (Putting her hands on Lou's shoulders, playing with his hair,
trying to comfort him) Oh, it's nothing.

lou (Overlapping Teresa, walking towards the open door to the

kitchen) Yeah, it's gotta be tonight. (Turning back to Teresa,

gesturing) It's gotta be tonight, believe you me.

teresa (Overlapping Lou, trying to comfort him) Come on.

lou (Gesturing) And those Vegas people, TV people, they no-

tice everything. (Offscreen as he enters the kitchen) They're pros.
They got it down to a science.
As Lou continues to rant offscreen in the kitchen, Teresa turns away
and opens a drawer in the buffet. She takes out some silverware and a
napkin and, still holding the pencils, walks towards the camera. In
the background, Lou's daughter leaves the window and, running in-

side, noisily enters the dining room through the kitchen door. She races
towards her brother, still at the window, as Teresa turns the corner.

She talks to Lou as she passes another kitchen doorway — revealing Lou

at the counter, pouring himself another drink. His kids enter the room,
giggling and laughing, as Teresa walks offscreen up some partially
seen stairs. The spotless kitchen, as seen through this doorway, is

covered with busy patterned wallpaper.

teresa (Turning the corner out of the dining room) Turn on the
ball game.

lou (Gesturing, making himself a drink on the kitchen counter)

"Turn on the ball game." I can't even decide whether to go
with "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" or "Three Coins in the
Fountain" as an encore. I don't know what to do — (Looking
with amusement at his children playing tag in the kitchen) The
kids are driving me nuts over here. (To his kids, playfully

motioning them out of his way) Wooo! Give me a break

 2 34

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

over here. (To the offscreen Teresa) I wonder where Danny is?

I'm waiting for his call. (Walking towards the doorway, gesturing)
I got a million questions for him. (Walking out of the kitchen,
near the stairs) I don't know that, what's happening. (Shakes his

head)
The kids dash out of the kitchen behind Lou, making a bee line for the
offscreen dining room. Lou walks farther into the hallway, the camera

moving closer and closer to his face.

teresa (Offscreen) Where is Danny?

lou (Gesturing, sipping his drink) Went to pick up his date in

Jersey. I guess they probably got tied up in t-traffic. What do

I know?

teresa (Offscreen) Who is his date?

lou (Looking off, gesturing) How do I know? Some broad.

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. A ROAD NEAR THE TALL GRASS—DAY.
Tina stands by the side of a desolate dirt road, the tall grass behind
her blowing in the breeze. She brushes off her pants, then adjusts her
shoe. The buzz of insects is faintly heard.

tina Jesus, we're in the middle of nowhere.

Danny walks onscreen, talking and gesturing. They begin to walk
along the edge of the road, the camera following.

danny (Gesturing) Oh, God, I never saw so many reeds in my

life. I feel like Moses.

tina Poor Lou's probably worried sick.

danny Darling, Lou is probably drinking out of the promo-

tional-size whiskey bottle by now.
The tall grass abruptly ends — revealing a wide expanse of open muddy
flatlands.
 235

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Putting her hand on Danny's shoulder, pausing) Hey, wait a

minute. I know where we are. (Looking around the flat lands)
These are the flatlands. My husband's friends used to dump
bodies here.

danny (Gesturing) Great. I'm sure you can show me all the
points of cultural interest.

ray (Offscreen) Hey, who are you?

Tina and Danny both turn around, almost in unison, at the sound of
Ray's voice, and the film cuts to their point of view: Ray Webb, an
actor, in a superhero costume complete with cape and mask. He stands
on the flat landscape, his cape blowing in the breeze, looking at the
offscreen Danny and Tina. Birds caw in the background; one sits in a
small pool. A lighthouse juts out into the sky in the far distance.

danny (Offscreen) Who are you?

ray Who are you?
The camera moves back to a stunned Tina and Danny. They haven't
moved an inch.

tina (Looking towards the offscreen Ray) We're lost.

The film quickly cuts back to Ray, who begins walking towards Tina
and Danny . . .

ray (Pointing behind him as he walks towards the camera) We're

shooting a commercial down by the river.

tina (Offscreen, with relief) Huh! Oh.

danny (Offscreen, overlapping Tina) Fantastic!

. . . then back to the couple, walking towards Ray.

tina (Her back to the camera) Oh!

danny (Overlapping, his arm on Tina's back) Unbelievable! What

a break! I'm-I'm-I'm Danny Rose, theatrical management.
(Puts out his hand)
 *3*

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

The trio meets on the screen, the flatlands all around them. Tina
makes noises of relief. Danny and Ray shake hands.

ray (Putting his arm on Danny's back) Hey, how you doin'?

danny (Overlapping Ray) God bless you. (Gesturing to Tina) This

is Tina . . . Tina . . .

tina (Overlapping Danny, nodding) Vitale.

danny (Nodding) Vi — Right, right, Vitale.

ray (Overlapping Danny , taking off his mask) Hi, I'm uh . . . Ray
Webb, the actor.
Danny laughs.

ray (To Tina) How you doin', baby? (Laughs)

Tina nods to Ray; Danny laughs with joy and relief.

danny (Gesturing) Listen, listen, we got to get a car. Is it pos-

sible? Very important.

ray We, we, there are no cars out here till tonight.

tina Oh.

danny (Overlapping Tina, gesturing) No, but we need one now

'cause it's an emergency. I,you know, I'm a theatrical man-
ager, so (Clears his throat) I gotta see Berle at the Waldorf later.
Milton Berle.

ray (Overlapping Danny) Yeah?

danny Yeah.

ray (Pausing, then looking out and pointing, his mask clutched in his
hand) Uh you kn-, you know what your best bet is?
. . .

There's a, a guy there with a boat. Gi-give him a couple of

bucks, he'll take you across.
 237

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Overlapping Ray, gesturing and shaking his head no) Yeah.
No. No, no, I, I . . .

tina (Overlapping Danny, ignoring his protestations) Oh, great.

(Gesturing) Great.

danny (Overlapping Tina, gesturing) I ... I ... I don't travel

by water. It's against my religion. (Looking from one to the other,

Tina reacting with annoyance) I'm a landlocked Hebrew. I don't

go by water.

ray (Overlapping Danny, to Hey, Tina, y-you ever seen

Tina)
me on television? I play the shaving cream man from outer
space? Want to feel my cheeks, huh? (Laughs and motions to his
cheek)

Danny laughs, pointing at Ray. Tina chuckles, then turns to Danny.

tina Come on, Danny. We-we've gotta take this boat. Lou's
waitin'. Come on.

danny (Overlapping Tina) Funny. This guy's, this . . . No, I-I

... I don't want . . .

ray (Overlapping Danny) It'll take five minutes to cross the

Hudson . . . (Mumbling) It's nothing.

danny (Overlapping Ray, growing more and more agitated) You

want me, you want me to go on the Hudson River? That's
crazy.

ray (Gesturing, looking at Danny and Tina) H-h-how-how did

you two people get out here without a car?

tina (Overlapping Ray) Oh.

danny (To Tina, losing patience) Yeah, what about that, you
know? With tha —
I've been through thick and thin with that

car. Now I gotta leave it at the diner overnight?

 »3«

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Overlapping Danny, talking at the same time, at first indis-

tinctly, to Danny) You'll be able to pick it up tomorrow. It'll

be fine.

danny (Gesturing) Well, if anything happens to that car, I'll be

furious, Tina. (Pointing his finger at Tina) I will be furious.

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. ROADSIDE RESTAURANT— DAY.

Joe and Vito are noisily smashing Danny's car windows with their
u
baseball bats, accompanied by the sounds of Agita" in the back-

ground. The front brick faqade of the diner is seen, along with its

name printed on its quaint rooftopped entrance: Liberty View. A

customer stands on the sidewalk, watching Joe and Vito destroy Dan-
ny's car. Others stand at the entrance doorway and at the diner's
windows, looking on.

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. FLATLANDS—DAY.

Tina and Danny are running along the edge of the Hudson River, the

fiat lands behind him. As Sandy begins his tale anew, they make their

way to a makeshift wharf where an old dinghy is moored; Freddy K

is written on the boat's side. A crewman comes out of the cabin and
greets them. He moves to the stern, where a smokestack has the letter

K imprinted on it. They get aboard, rocking the boat, and make their

way to the bow. The Freddy K is an old-fashioned fishing boat and

its railing is simply secured rope. Tina sits down on a box near the

front of the cabin and crosses her legs. Danny stands, holding out his

hands, trying to steady himself. He rubs his face nervously. The boat
continues its rocking. Danny grabs on to the boat near Tina; he grabs
on to her leg; he grabs on to thin air. An oil tank, some low factories

and a lighthouse are seen in the near distance across the river. A
u
portion of the Manhattan skyline is seen far away. Agita" continues
in the background as Sandy speaks over the scene.
 2 39

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

sandy's voice-over Okay. Now, they're gonna go back to

Manhattan by boat. A
mind you. Can you picture
boat,

Danny Rose on a boat? this guy is strictly pavement.

I mean,
He needs the smell of carbon monoxide and litter to feel good.
Danny is not meant for water. So naturally, the minute he
steps on the boat, he's gone. A lunch he ate in nineteen-fifty-
six is beginning to come up on him. He's green, he's dizzy.
Tina's fine. She's made of steel. I'll tell you what's going
through her mind. She's thinking of a conversation that she

and Lou had a week before.

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. MINIATURE GOLF COURSE- DAY.

A miniature castle, complete with windows, ramp, and surrounding

green, fills the screen. A golf ball jumps into the ramp's door.

lou (Offscreen, laughing) Hey-hey! All right!

A golf club swings up as the backs of Lou and Tina's legs appear
onscreen, their golf clubs trailing down. As they talk, they walk past
 240

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

the castle prop, Tina on its right, Lou on its left side. They stand at
the green behind the castle, their whole bodies now in view. They take
turns hitting their balls into the hole, partially obscured by the castle,

deep in conversation. In the background, other people play miniature

golf at other holes; an employee sweeps the sidewalk near the entrance.

Trees line the sky in the distance.

tina (Overlapping Lou, her face offscreen) Hey, Lou. Listen, Lou.
I ... I want you, want you to break up (On-
don't, I don't
screen, walking to the green and shaking her head) with your wife

because of me. Uh, I don't

lou (Interrupting) Tina, it's not you. (Getting ready to putt his

ball) I mean, this has been on my mind.

tina Yeah, but you know, I . . . I-I-I'd, I'd feel like a home-
wrecker.

lou (Hitting his ball with his club) Look, I'm telling you,
baby . . .

tina (Overlapping Lou) That's what I feel like.

lou (Continuing) . . . what I gotta do is I gotta change my

whole lifestyle. I ... I got

tina (Interrupting) Yeah, you ask me, the thing y-, the thing
if

you gotta change is your management. (Picking up her ball)

That's what you gotta change.

lou (Looking up at Tina, the club in his hand in putt position) Hey,
listen, Danny's all right. I mean, s-so he's no world-beater or
something like that. I mean he's, he's all right, you know?
(Picks up his ball)

Tina and Lou walk off the castle green as they continue their conver-
sation. The camera moves in a circle around them as they stroll to the

next hole, and we see the miniature golf course on a different angle.
Trees still frame the background; golfers play at other holes. Identify-
 24 I

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

ing flags stand on poles by each hole. A decorative cage stands on a

pole in the center of the course. A portion of the parking lot, with its

parked cars, is seen. A golfer walks in front of the camera, momentar-

ily obscuring Tina and Lou as they talk and start to play the next hole
on a plain flat green. Tina hits her ball first. Another golfer runs in
front of the camera, club in hand.

tina (Sighing, walking to the next hole) Okay. I-I don't know
anything about show business, and I got nothing against the
guy, 'cause I, I d-, I don't even know him. (Shaking her head)
But I see the jointsyou work, you know, an-and the way
things are going. (Putting down her ball at the starting square)
Y-you're, you're better than all these new guys.

lou (Putting his ball down on the square, chuckling) You're preju-
diced 'cause you like me.

tina (Hitting her ball) Yeah, sure I am.

lou (Aiming his club) Listen, Danny 'd be lost without me.

tina Okay.

lou (Overlapping Tina) I'm telling you, he's counting on me.

tina Yeah, okay. (Gesturing as Lou hits his ball, bending his legs)

You know what you're doing. Why don-, why don't you let

me introduce you to Sid Bacharach?

The camera starts to circle them again, moving past the shrubbery, as
they walk to the hole, holding their clubs, still talking. As they finish

playing their ball, a young male golfer bends down in front of the
camera, starting to play a nearby hole.

lou How do you know Sid Bacharach?

Tina grunts, shrugging.

lou (Playing his ball at the hole) Why would he give me five

minutes of his time?

 242

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Playing her ball at the hole) Because he was very good
friends with my husband. They were both very tight in At-
lantic City.

As Lou and Tina continue their conversation, the film cuts to a close-

up of the green. A ball rolls on to the screen, inches from the cup. It

curves off, missing it. Another ball rolls on the green, misses the cup,
and rolls offscreen. Lou's shadow and his club's shadow are seen in the

corner.

lou (Offscreen) Sid Bacharach, huh?

tina (Offscreen) Yeah. He's a big guy, right?

lou (Offscreen) Big gun, big gun, no two ways about it.

Soulful Italian music begins to play as the film cuts to the Freddy K,
slowly and forlornly making its way across the water. Ifs shrouded in

fog. Nothing can be seen but the boat, the water, the fog — and the

dim figures of Tina and Danny on the stern. Sandy continues his tale.

sandy's voice-over Okay. Now, they're in the middle of the

Hudson River. The fog has come in. Danny's face is, what
color should I say? It's khaki. The man has a khaki face.

Jackie's voice-over And so, so what are you saying? Tina

wanted Lou to leave Danny and go with Sid Bacharach?

sandy's voice-over (Overlapping the other comedian) That's ex-

actly what I'm saying. See, three days earlier, Tina had set

up a secret lunch meeting at some steak joint in Manhattan.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. STEAK RESTAURANT— DAY.

Tina's face, with her ever-present sunglasses, fills the screen. The
background is blurry. The noise of other patrons, their cutlery and
conversation, can be faintly heard.
 243

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina Well, guys, we finally made it. (Looking from one to the
other, gesturing) Uh, Lou Canova, Sid Bacharach. Sid, this
is Lou.
As Tina talks, the camera moves back, revealing her at a table with
Lou and Sid, a balding, suited man. Their places are set ; water goblets
sit in front of them on a white tablecloth. Other patrons are seen
sitting at other tables, conversing and eating. The blurry background
turns out to be apart of the bar against the wall. A simple chandelier
is partially seen. The wall behind the bar is mirrored. It's a busy
place. A waiter walks past their table in front of the camera.

lou (His face offscreen) A pleasure, Mr. Bacharach. (Onscreen,

shaking Sid's hand, as the camera moves back) Truly a pleasure.

sid (Patting Tina's arm) Nah, I've only heard wonderful things
about you from my girl Tina.

tina (Overlapping Sid) Yeah, well, Lou's terrific.

lou (Gesturing, laughing self-consciously) She says that all the

time.

tina No. (Gesturing, to Sid) You remember Lou from the fif-

ties. He's . . . he's got it.

Tina looks at Lou for a beat, smiling. He's nodding, his finger on his

mouth, concentrating on Sid. A waiter puts a menu down by Tina's

place; he crosses in front of the camera to put menus by Lou and Sid,

his body momentarily obscuring Lou. The three put their menus to the

side, resting their elbows on them.

sid (Nodding) I remember "Tossin' and Turnin'."

lou (Gesturing) You do? Really? Th-that thing on "Perfidia,"

too, you know.

sid Yes. Now, I understand you already have representation.

lou (Offscreen, as the waiter places a menu in front of him) Yeah,

I do.
 244

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina Yeah, oh, he's loyal to a guy who means well, but he
can't seem to move him. (Opens her pocketbook and takes out a
pack of cigarettes)

lou (Overlapping Tina onscreen as a waiter exits) Hey.

sid Well, you know, Lou, I-I know all about those things, and,
uh, you know, sometimes it just doesn't work out, and (Ges-

turing) he can't, uh, he can't help you.

Tina lights a cigarette.

lou It's my career. (Gesturing) I mean, it's my life. (Looking

down at the table) I gotta ... do what's right for it.

sid (Gesturing) I really want to catch your act. I know that this
whole nostalgia thing is really coming on strong.

tina (Overlapping Sid, smoking and gesturing towards Lou) Oh,

yeah. You . . . he's hot now.

lou (Overlapping Tina, pointing a finger for emphasis) Well, I'm

. . . I'm gonna be at the Waldorf on the twenty-fifth.

tina (Interjecting, overlapping Lou) Twenty -fifth. Be great if you

could come, Sid.

lou (Continuing, overlapping Tina) Right? Sunday night. Sun-

day night.

tina you know. He's ready. (Gesturing) All he needs

Really, is

somebody with a little clout to open some doors.

sid (To Lou, nodding) I'll do my best to make it on Sunday

night.

lou Hey, that'll be great.

sid (Overlapping Lou, nodding) I really will.

tina (Overlapping Sid) You're great. (Touching Sid's arm and smil-
ing) Thanks, Sid. Great.
 2 45

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

lou (Overlapping Tina, gesturing, in a lower voice) Don't worry

about . . . Listen, I'll get you in ... in the back. I'll

tina (Picking up her menu, interrupting) You won't regret it.

lou (Gesturing, in a lower voice, looking at Sid) No problem get-

tin' in.

sid (Nodding, looking at Lou) Okay.

lou (Gesturing, looking at Sid) Okay?

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. NEW YORK STREET— DAY.
Vito Rispoli is walking out of a pizza parlor; its interior, including a
Coca-Cola machine, is dimly seen in its glass front fagade: A minia-
ture windmill and several beer bottles line the inside windowsill. He
holds two slices of pizza. He glances about him as he walks up and
across the busy sidewalk to Joe, who is leaning on the side of their car.
An el is in the background; people walk underneath it. Vito hands Joe

a slice ofpizza. They eat and talk; one of the platform's pillars stands

in front ofJoe, partially obscuring him. Their voices are indistinctly

heard as Sandy begins his tale anew.

sandy's voice-over Okay. So Tina's thinking about all this

stuff while they're sailing back across the Hudson.

Howard's voice-over Hm-mm.

sandy's voice-over Meanwhile, the two crazy brothers are in
New York, lookin' to kill Danny.

Howard's voice-over Hmm. I don't get it.

As Howard continues to speak, the film cuts to a phone booth at the

pier. Tina is on the phone, seen through a broken window of the booth.

Howard's voice-over (Continuing) Wasn't Tina gonna make a

phone call and have 'em called off?
 246

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

sandy's voice-over She did. The minute they got ashore. But
it didn't work.
Tina hangs up the phone and walks out of the booth towards Danny,
who is waiting in the background at the edge of the wharf, looking
out at the river. Several seagulls fly by, their cawing heard over the
screen. A partially seen pier sits in the water in the distance. Danny
turns as Tina approaches.

danny (Turning to face Tina) So what's happening?

tina (Walking towards Danny, her back to the camera) You're

gonna have to lay low for a while.

danny What do you mean?!

tina You-you got any friends out of town?

danny (Reacting) Out of town? Like where? What are you,

nuts?

tina (Standing by Danny) Then you better check into a hotel.

danny (Gesturing) What do you mean, check into a hotel? You

said you were going to settle this with one phone call.

tina It will be, but it's gonna take a few days. Meanwhile,
they're looking for you.

danny (Gesturing) Darling, may — Can I say one thing right

now? I'm going to the police.

tina (Shaking her head) No. No, that's a mistake. No. You gotta
lay low.
They start to move along the edge of the wharf, the long pier in the

water revealed as they walk. They pass some straggly bushes in the

foreground.

danny What are you talking about, lay low? I didn't do any-
thing. My, I, uh, my whole life I never got involved in any
 2 47

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

trouble. I-I eat the right foods. Now I gotta lay low? (Gesturing
while Tina exhales) Jesus! You-you said one phone call.

tina Yeah, I know. It's gonna, it's gonna be taken care of. I

got someone onto it. My advice is to check into a hotel.

danny I'm, uh, why? I've got an apartment. Why do I need a
hotel?

tina (Overlapping Danny) No, you can't go back there for a few
days.

danny I'm, I'm gonna spend for a hotel while I'm carrying an
apartment? Are you nuts?

tina Yeah, all right. It's just, it's a mix-up. Just don't go home,
that's all.

danny (Gesturing) What? I've g-got to go home. Y-You know,

you-you're bad news, honey. I knew that when you, I came
in you were starting with the ice pick on Lou. Nice girls don't
screw around with ice picks. They got, they got ribbons and
stuff.

tina Just don't go home.

They walk offscreen, their voices still heard over the empty scene; the
wharf, the water, and the long pier in the distance are all that is seen.

danny (Offscreen) But, what's g — ? I gotta go home. I gotta get

my pills and my shorts and, and Lou, the poor guy, he's
probably a wreck.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. LOU'S DINING ROOM— DAY.

The dining room set, with its spotless table topped with a floral
centerpiece, fills the screen. A portion of the breakfront is seen, as well

as the background drapes and hanging chandelier. The room is empty.

 248

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

It is silent for a beat, then the clinking of ice is heard, and Lous hand
places a glass on the corner of the table as his voice is heard. While he

speaks, the camera slowly moves across the table — to reveal Lou,
sitting on the floor and talking on the phone. He is drunk. Outside
noises are faintly heard in the background as he talks.

lou (Offscreen) I'm not drunk . . . I'm not drunk. I mean . . .

I'm okay . . . I'm gonna be all (Onscreen, into the telephone)

right. Now where you been? I'm goin' crazy. I mean, where's
Tina?
The film cuts to Danny, who is talking on his phone, standing near
his sofa in his shabby apartment. A window, with chintzy curtains,

is partially seen in the background, above an old-fashioned radiator.

The wall behind him is filled with framed photographs; a desk sits

below them.

danny (Into the phone) Lou, Lou, would you ha — (Gesturing)

Lou, take some black coffee and get over to the Waldorf.
(Gesturing to Tina, offscreen) R— She's here. Lou. (To Tina,
who walks onscreen to the phone, putting his arm on her shoulder)
W-would you speak to him, 'cause, 'cause he's lost. He's, he's
gone already.

tina (Into the phone, overlapping Danny, who walks away, off-

screen) Lou? . . . Lou, I'll be there, honey . . . Yeah-ye

(Nodding) Just do what Danny says. We'll meet you at the

place.

danny (Offscreen, overlapping Tina) Be nice to him.

tina (Into the phone, ignoring Danny) All ri — ? . . Of course I

.

miss you. But will you lay off the sauce? . . . Ch All — . . .

right.

Tina hangs up the phone. Flailing her arms in frustration, she walks
to the photograph-lined wall, her back to the camera, as Danny speaks

offscreen.
 249

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Offscreen) I don't know what I'm gonna

He's drunk.
do. I-I knew was gonna
this happen. And where are my pills?
I need a-a Valium the size of a hockey puck. It's the only thing

that works for me.

tina (Interrupting Danny, looking at a photograph on the wall)

Who is this? Who is this here?

danny (Offscreen) What do you mean, who's that? That's

Frank. That's Frank. (Walking onscreen to Tina) That's Frank,
Tony Bennett, and me. (Pointing at the photo) This was a big
night. See me up there? A little tiny smudge right there with
the (Indistinct as Tina speaks) like a fingerprint?

tina (Overlapping Danny) Oh, yeah.

danny (Pointing) That's my, that's my head . . .

tina Hm-mm.
danny (Continuing, pointing to another photo) . . . over there.
And there I am with Miss Judy Garland. Never a dearer

woman existed and, my hand to God, she's

tina (Overlapping Danny, looking at the photo) Where are you?

danny Well, I'm uh-uh, you know, I'm right outside the
frame. (Pointing to the photo) 'Cause if, uh, the picture went on
another inch, I would be, I was back on the, on the, behind
the dais and everything.

tina (Overlapping Danny) Hm-mm.

Tina turns away from the wall. Danny, oblivious, continues to point

out various photographs as she glances around the room. She's chewing
gum.

danny (Still pointing out the photos) And then here's Mr. Myron
Cohen, and . . . (Opening up a desk drawer, distracted) Jesus,
where is my bottle of pills?
 25

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Looking around as she walks offscreen) How long have you
had this joint?

danny (Turning his head in Tina's direction, gesturing) What do

you mean, "joint"? This is rent-controlled. It's, this is fine.

(Turns back to the desk and rummages through the drawers)

tina (Offscreen) You ought to fix it up. You're livin' like a loser.

danny (Opening a bottom drawer) Well, wha-what am I gonna,

you know, nobody ever comes over here. (Retrieving his pill
bottle and turning towards the offscreen Tina) I live alone, so what
do I care?

tina (Offscreen) Nobody comes over?

danny (Shaking the pill bottle to get some pills and coming up empty)
No.

tina (Offscreen) You ever been married?

danny No. (Examining the bottle for a stray pill, turning it upside
down) I was engaged once to a dancer, you know, but, uh . . .

(Throwing the bottle on his desk and walking away) she ran away
with a piano player and I broke off with her.
The camera follows Danny across the room until he passes Tina and
walks offscreen. It stays on Tina as she begins to talk.

tina (Taking off her sunglasses and looking around the room) You
know what I'd do with this room?

danny (Offscreen) What?

tina Liven it up. Do it all in, in . . .

danny (Offscreen) Hm.

tina (Continuing, gesturing) . . . something up, you know.
Pink, maybe.
 25 1

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Offscreen) Pink?

tina (Gesturing) You know, y-y-y-you got to lighten it

Yeah.
up. Pink, wi-wi-wi-with-with maybe some gold wallpaper
and then . . . (Turning around, touching a nearby lamp and shade)
y-you need fabric, you know? Big, like big purple pillows or
somethin'. (Gesturing) Maybe some incense.

danny (Offscreen) What is this? A Turkish whorehouse? I live

here, darling. (Onscreen as he walks over to Tina, a glass of water

and a pill bottle in hand) What do you (Indistinct as Tina's voice

overlaps, as he swallows some pills and takes a drink of water) think

for . . .

tina (Overlapping Danny) No, I'm, I'm serious. Y-y-you gotta

lighten it up. Maybe some, maybe some bamboo furniture.
(Gesturing, looking at the room) Bamboo. I always wanted to do
a room in bamboo wi-with, like, zebra skins.

danny (Looking around) Really? Are you serious?

tina Why not? It's exciting.

danny (Walking to his desk, the camera leaving Tina and following
him) Yeah, you mean, like y — (Putting the glass on the desk and
placing the pill bottle in a drawer) what you're talkin' about is

like a tropical motif or something, right?

tina (Offscreen, overlapping) Yeah, yeah.

danny (Pointing to himself, looking towards the offscreen Tina)

Yeah, well, you know, it's funny, 'cause, hmm . . . actually,
I like bamboo.

tina (Offscreen) Really?

danny (Pushing his glasses up on his nose, walking over to Tina, passing
the window and a television set) Yeah, I can
 252

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Offscreen, interrupting) Picture, picture like . . . (Onscreen,

as Danny joins her in the middle of the room, gesturing in the air)
hanging plants, maybe . . .

danny (Overlapping Tina, nodding) Hm-mm.

tina (Continuing, gesturing towards the floor) . . . and a really nice
tile floor.

danny (Overlapping Tina, nodding and gesturing) Right, I can see

it. Bamboo furniture. It's very, it's very beautiful . . .

tina (Overlapping Danny, nodding) Yeah.

danny (Continuing, walking in front of Tina, gesturing as he moves

offscreen) . . . and very dramatic. You know, you got an eye
for drama.

tina (Looking after him) Really? You really think so?

danny (Offscreen) I do, yeah. You sound surprised.

Tina walks towards Danny, continuing their conversation as she

passes a few pictures hanging on the wall, a floor lamp, and a wall
fixture, stopping in the bedroom doorway and talking to Danny, who
is in the other room, offscreen.

tina (Walking towards the offscreen Danny and the doorway) Well,
you now, I'd, I-I . . . nobody ever liked my African jungle
idea before.

danny (Offscreen) It's great.

tina (Overlapping Danny) Uh, I, eh, I, eh, I'd always had this

as a dream. (Shaking her head and gesturing) You're the first

person who ever liked it.

danny (Offscreen) Well, sure. You, I-I'm, you know, I'm will-
ing to bet that you're full of good ideas, but wha — You know
what you lack? You lack confidence.
 253

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Nodding) Yeah.

danny (Offscreen) You don't have any confidence. You know

what I mean?

tina (Nodding and gesturing) I know. It's, it's my big problem

as a, as a decorator. I g-, I got no confidence.
As Danny begins to speak, he walks out of the offscreen bedroom, past

Tina in the doorway, to his nearby bathroom. He carries some boxer

shorts in his hand. Tina turns around and follows him, standing in

the bathroom doorway as he switches on the light and grabs some socks

hanging on the shower rod.

danny (Offscreen) Sure, it's like the (Onscreen, walking into the
bathroom) acts I handle. You know, if I was handling you, I
could straighten you out in no time at all. (Pulling down the
socks) You know, I d-, 'cause I don't see you, honey, just
decorating little joints. (Turning around to Tina, gesturing) You
know what mean? And little, little, little apartments in the
I

suburbs. I you know, doing your-your gold walls

see you,
and your Turkish pillows, and then y-y-y-you know, all that
garbage in, in hotels and embassies and stuff. (Walks offscreen

to the bathroom sink area)

tina (Standing in the doorway, her back to the camera) Really?

danny (Offscreen) Yeah, naturally.

tina No.

danny (Offscreen) No, you could, I can smell it.

tina (Turning away from the offscreen Danny, leaning against the

doorway) No, I don't think so. No, no. The boat sailed for
me. (Looking down, fingering her sunglasses) I shoulda, I shoulda
been more serious when I was younger.
 2 54

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Offscreen) What are you talking (Onscreen as he walks to

the doorway, his boxer shorts and a toothbrush in hand) about,
younger? Y-you got your whole life ahead of you.

tina Nah. (Putting her sunglasses back on, sighing) You know the
trouble is, y — (Gesturing) I look at my work and I think it's

ugly.

danny (Gesturing, standing in the doorway opposite Tina) Teh.

Well, you know, m-m-m-my Uncle Morris, the famous dia-
betic from Brooklyn, used to say, "If you hate yourself, then
you hate your work."

tina (Pointing to herself) I sleep at night. It-it's-it-it's, it's you

that's got the ulcer.

danny (Gesturing) Yeah, I got an ulcer, but you know, it may

be, it may be a good thing there. You know, you know what
my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some
laughs, no question about it, but you got to suffer a little, too.

Because otherwise, you miss the whole point of life. And

that's how I feel. (Walks away from the doorway into the offscreen

living room)

tina (Looking at the offscreen Danny) Yeah. You know what my

philosophy of life is?

danny (Offscreen) Ach, I can imagine.

tina It's over quick, so have a good time. (Gesturing) You see

what you want, go for it. (Pointing for emphasis) Don't pay any
attention to anybody else. And do it to the other guy first,
'cause if you don't, he'll do it to you.

danny (Offscreen) This is a philosophy of life? (Onscreen as he

walks over to Tina, carrying his shorts and a paper bag) This s-this-

s-this sounds like the, the screenplay to Murder Incorporated.

(Handing Tina the paper bag) Here, hold this for a second.
That's ridiculous. No wonder you don't like yourself.
 255

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Looking into the bag, holding it open) Now, what — ? Stop
saying that. I like myself fine.

danny (Putting his shorts, toothbrush, and toothpaste into the bag)
Well, you know, I'm just saying down deep, I-I sense that
you don't.

tina (Overlapping Danny, reacting) You're the one that's living

like a loser. (Lets go of the bag)

danny (Gesturing, taking the bag) Why? 'Cause I haven't made

it? You see, that's the beauty of this business. That's the

beauty of it. (Snapping his fingers) Overnight, you can go from

a b-bum to a hero. (Gesturing) Like I-I think I'm, it's gonna
happen now with Lou, and then I'm gonna

tina (Overlapping Danny, nodding) We'd better get going.

Hurry up.

danny (Gesturing) me say one thing. My Uncle

Well, just let

Sidney, man, you know, hmm, lovely uncle dead, com- —

pletely — used to say three things. Used to say, "Acceptance,
forgiveness, and love."

tina (Nodding as she walks away, offscreen) Yeah.

danny (Overlapping Tina, gesturing and turning towards her) And

that is a philosophy of life. Acceptance, forgiveness, and love.
(Reaching behind him in the doorway and turning off the bathroom
light) So, there, there's where it is. (Nodding) So tell me more
about the bamboo (Offscreen, walking towards Tina) room. I

love it.

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. NEW YORK CITY STREET—DAY.
A cab drives down a city street, pulling up to the curb in the fore-
ground. Danny, carrying his paper bag, gets out, followed by Tina.
 2 56

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

He walks to the driver's window and hands him some money. They
walk a few steps as Danny stops, reacting, to the offscreen hotel.

"Agita" plays in the background, above the city sounds of traffic. Cars
line both sides of the street. A building with a stone fagade is seen on

the opposite side. People walk to and fro in the background.

danny (Looking up offscreen, gesturing) Oh, Jesus. I'm gonna stay

one night, one night, 'cause I don't want to incur expense.

tina (Overlapping Danny, nodding and gesturing as she looks away,

down the street) All right. Listen, I-Fm gonna make a phone
call. I got another idea.
Tina, fumbling in her pocketbook, and Danny walk towards the hotel

entrance. The camera follows them as they walk through its open doors
and down a corridor to the reception desk, their backs to the screen.

Tina stops at a row ofpay phones; she gestures to Danny as, nodding,
he continues towards the lobby. She puts some coins in the phone and
starts to dial as the film cuts to:
 2 57

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

INTERIOR. HOTEL LOBBY— DAY.

Danny approaches the reception desk; he alone is seen on the screen. A
nearby small sign reads No Vacancies. Mail slots hang on the wall
behind the partitioned desk.

danny (Gesturing to an offscreen clerk) Uh, how much is a single

room?

desk clerk (Offscreen) Sorry, all filled up.

Danny snaps his fingers in annoyance and walks away. "Agita" con-
tinues to play as the film cuts back to the hotel corridor, as seen through

the hotel entrance. Danny walks towards the entrance, past the row
of phones. Tina is no longer there. He walks outside, looking both

ways. No Tina.

danny (Walking up the sidewalk, looking around) Tina? Tina?

Danny walks back down the sidewalk. A church is seen next to the

hotel; the hotel's ground-floor windows are enclosed in iron bars. He

walks back to the hotel entrance; he peers in, then walks farther down
the pavement.

danny Tina, darling?

Still no Tina. Danny turns around and walks backwards a few steps,

moving past the hotel, near a row of old brownstones. He looks wor-
ried; he clutches his paper bag. He turns to the front again and
continues his search, glancing about him. People walk by in the back-

ground; parking signs dot the street. A theater marquee is seen on the

opposite side. Suddenly, there's a screech of tires. As Danny walks over

to the curb to check it out, a car pulls up. Joe, in the driver's seat,

opens the door as the car stops.

joe Hello, Danny. (Jumps out of the car and grabs Danny)

vito (Coming around the car from the passenger side) Come on,
Danny.

joe Come here, Danny. Come on. Come on. Get in the car!
 *58

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

Vito grabs Danny, too. Joe hurls Danny's paper bag to the street.

vito Come on, get in the car.

joe Get in the car. (Grunts and mumbles, his arms around the

struggling Danny)

vito Get in the car. Get in the (Grunting, mumbling as he

. . .

pushesDanny into the car) Get in the car! Marone!

The Rispoli brothers push Danny into the backseat. They get in them-
selves and slam the doors, screeching off up the street. A woman's
sweater hangs out of the trunk, flapping in the air.

The car squeals offscreen as the film cuts to its interior, to a close view
of Vito, sitting in the backseat, glancing briefly at an offscreen Danny.
The music has stopped; the passing cityscape is seen in the rear window.

danny (Offscreen, grunting) F-fellas, fellas. Fellas, fellas, may-

may, can-can I, may I just interject one thing at this particular

point in time?

vito (Ignoring Danny, looking straight ahead at the offscreen Joe in the

front seat) Keep going straight.

danny (His face offscreen, only his hands seen next to Vito, who clears
his throat) Look, uh, I like Johnny. This is what you don't
underst — I like (Onscreen as the camera moves past Vito to his face)

your brother. I got nothing against him. And I-I just met him
today. He's swee — I liked his poem. (Looking back and forth at

the offscreen brother) What's under discussion here is the girl's

feelings. That's wha — The — gir Incidentally, where is the

girl?

The film cuts quickly to Joe, driving the car, as seen from the backseat.

An outside building fills the windshield.

joe (Turning his head slightly towards the offscreen Danny) Oh,
we're gonna take real good care of you, pal.
The camera cuts to Danny's anxious face.

danny (Gesturing) Wait, I want to say one thing. And I, I don't

 259

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

mean to be didactic or facetious in any manner. She doesn't

love him. That's it, she doesn't love him anymore. What can
I,you know? I know, it's hard to take. I-it, you know, because

we all want what we can't have in life. This is, it's a natural
thing. (Offscreen as the film cuts to Vito, bis mouth open, looking
towards Danny) But, uh, you know, take-take my cousin Ceil.
(Onscreen again, as the film cuts back to his face) Not, not pretty
like Tina at all. She looks like something in the reptile house
in a zoo. So — you'll like this story — she meets this accoun-
tant.

vito (Offscreen, yelling) Will you shut up?!

Danny reacts and the film cuts to a warehouse pier; a large building
looms in the background. The Rispoli car careens onscreen from behind
the building, its squealing tires heard over the strains of "Agita,"

which begins anew. The car moves closer to the camera, then veers to
the left, zooming past the metal-columned base of a high bridge, past

a low, smokestacked factory, past the background's low brick fence

that separates the warehouse area from a row of trees. The car zooms
into a huge warehouse, the number 2 painted on the side of the garage.

A waiting Pete, a henchman, hurries into the warehouse behind the

car.

The film cuts inside. The warehouse is dim, its only light coming from
a few windows. The Rispoli car, stopped, viewed from behind, fills

the screen. Joe hops out of the car; he goes to the trunk, where the
woman's sweater is still dangling out. He unlocks and opens it as

Vito, pulling Danny with him, scrambles out of the car on the other
side. They all talk at once, shouting and struggling.

danny (Refusing to leave the backseat of the car) W-wai-wai-wait,

no . . . (Indistinct as Vito overlaps his speech) You misunderstand
me.

vito (Overlapping Danny, struggling in the backseat) Open the

door, would ya? (Continues indistinctly)
Joe drags a cramped Tina out of the trunk.
 260

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina Goddamn you!

joe (To Tina, overlapping her as he pulls her out) Come on.

danny (Struggling with Vito, getting out of the car) I'm trying to
make a point.

vito (Overlapping Danny, muttering as he pulls Danny away from the

car) Come on, let's go.

danny (Struggling in Vito's grip) You know what, you're just

jealous. Fellas, I'm a veteran. I'm a veteran.
The struggling group make their way across the garage to an open
stairwell. Tina and Danny are pulled and pushed up the stairs, their

backs to the camera. They all talk at once, shouting and grunting
indistinctly. The heavyset Pete follows them a few paces behind.

vito (Overlapping Danny) Come on, you, come on . . . (Mut-

ters)

joe (Overlapping Tina's grunts ofprotest, turning his head to Pete and
pointing) Get the axe.

danny (Struggling in Vitos grip) There's an axe?! Hey, uh, fel-

las, I'm the beard.

Joe and Vito mutter threateningly. Pete, holding the axe, follows the
group up the stairs. They stumble to the top, turning offscreen, as the
camera cuts from their backs, following them up the stairs, to their

fronts, at the top of the stairwell. Tina and Danny are pushed through
a doorway; they are pulled down a corridor, past a window, and,
still struggling, they are shoved into a run-down office area. Tina and
Joe are in the lead; Vito and the squirming Danny are right behind.

The silent Pete lumbers in the rear. Everyone shouts and grunts at
once. The music stops.

danny (Overlapping Joe's and Vito's mutterings) I'm just a beard.

You don't understand.

tina (Struggling in Joe's hold) He's tellin' the truth. He has

nothin' to do with this.
 26l

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

joe (Overlapping Tina, muttering) Come on.

vito (Pulling Danny) Come on, let's go.

joe Who's he talking to, huh?

danny (Overlapping Joe, indistinctly, then clearly) You don't be-

lieve me, right? You see, you don't believe me . . . (Trails off)

joe (Overlapping Danny, reacting behind him and pulling Danny for-
ward) We're gonna chop your legs off.

The group is dimly seen in the office area; light filters through some
background windows. Joe and Vito shove Danny on one side of a large
desk; Pete drags Tina to the other side , facing the others.

danny (Struggling in the thugs' arms) Fellas, it's the emess. I'm-
I'm only the beard.
The film cuts to Tina, struggling, as Pete locks his axe free arm
around her neck, looking offscreen at the others across the room . . .

danny (Offscreen) My hand to God, I'm just the beard.

tina (Overlapping Danny, gesturing) Would I, would I waste my

time with a guy like this?

joe (Offscreen, overlapping Tina) Oh, yeah?

. . . then moves to the other side of the room, to Joe, Vito, and
Danny. Joe's back is to the camera; his arms are holding the squirming
Danny. Vito holds a gun to Danny's head.

vito (Looking offscreen at Tina) Okay then, who?

joe (Overlapping Vito, to Danny) Shut up.

vito Look, you want him to walk out of here, you're gonna
have to give us a name.
As Joe mutters indistinctly, struggling with Danny, the film cuts
back to Tina and Pete . . .
 262

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina I'm not talking.

. . . then back to Vito, Joe, and the cringing Danny

joe (To Danny, grabbing his lapels) No, no, you tell us, you
punk.

danny No . . . (Nervously) I, you don't want me to rat on a

(Suddenly more fearful as Vito brings the gun closer to Danny's face)
f-friend, do you? I, look, (Clears his throat, gesturing) let me, let

me quote Rabbi Hirschhorn, an extremely learned man, per-

haps not of your persuasion, (Looking from one hood to the other)

but

joe (Interrupting, shaking Danny) Who are you bearding for ?

danny (His voice shaking) No, what the, not, I'm not the guy.

Isn't that enough?

Tina begins to speak as the film cuts to her — with her head in Pete's

grip.

tina (Offscreen) Whatever (Onscreen) happens to him, you two

are dead men.

pete (Overlapping Tina, his grip tight) Shut up.

Then it's back to a closer view of Danny's terrified face , as seen over
Joe's back. Joe still holds his lapels, shaking him; Vito's gun is pointed
at his nose.

joe (To Danny, shaking him) Oh, yeah? Come on, tell us. Who
you bearding for, you little cheese-eater?

danny (Laughing nervously and gesturing) Cheese — He said . . .

cheese, I d — d— I I don't know exactly what it means, but I

(Slapping Joe's arm as the latter grabs him tighter) know it's not
good.

vito (Pointing the gun at the offscreen Tina) Who-who are you
bearding for? I'll p-, I'll put a bullet right between her eyes.
 36 3

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Danny tries to grab the gun, grunting and struggling, as the film

cuts to a close view of Tina's terrified face: She is struggling in Pete's

hold.

danny (Overlapping Vito, grunting) Wait, wait, don't, don't

(Offscreen) do that! That — I'll talk!

tina (Terrified) Danny, don't. They'll kill him!

Then it's back to Danny's face —partially obscured by Joe's back and
Vito's gun, which is still aimed at the offscreen Tina.

danny (Gesturing) Uh, I-I don't want to get my legs chopped

off 'cause I do a guy a favor.

joe Come on, let's go! Who is this?!

danny (Grunting) All right, all right, you want to know who it

is? (Looking from one thug to the other as Vitoputs his gun down and
turns to Danny) Should I, you wan — Should I tell you who it

is? Should I say? It's . . . (Pointing emphatically with both hands)

Barney Dunn.

vito (Grabbing Danny, looking into his eyes) Who's Barney

Dunn?!
The film cut back to Tina's stunned face. Pete still holds her in place.

vito (Offscreen) Come on, who is it?

tina (Playing along) Danny, you rat!

pete (His face offscreen, shoving Tina) Shut up!

danny (To Tina) Listen, listen, I don't owe you anything over
this. (To Vito and Joe) Fellas, I swear on my, I swear on my
life, it's Barney Dunn and, and, (Gesturing heavenward) Bar-
ney, may God forgive me.
The film shifts to the far view of the group seen earlier. Joe and Vito
hold Danny on one side of the room; Pete holds Tina on the other.
 264

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. CARNEGIE DELI— NIGHT.

The camera is on Will's face.

will (Looking offscreen at Sandy, puzzled) Who?!

The film cuts to Sandy, looking at the offscreen Will. A waiter passes
in the background.

sandy Barney Dunn.

jackie (Offscreen) I remember Barney Dunn.

sandy (Overlapping Jackie , looking at the other offscreen comics) You

know Barney Dunn.

morty (Offscreen) Yeah.

sandy (Nodding) Barney Dunn.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. APARTMENT—DAY.
A child's birthday party is in progress. Children in party hats are
playing in a background room, laughing and chattering among the
streamers, balloons, and party-decorated table and chairs. Others are

sitting on the floor in an adjoining room, their backs and pointy party
hatted heads to the camera. They are watching Barney Dunn, a
round, middle-aged ventriloquist, performing with Herman, his

dummy, in the wide doorway between the adjoining rooms. A mother

holding a little girl stands nearby. A young boy, in party hat and
suit, stops playing with a balloon and stands next to Herman and
Barney, watching, his balloon in hand. Sandy's voice is heard over
Barney's act, over the screaming, laughing kids.

barney (As Herman) I can't hear you.

sandy's voice-over Barney Dunn was the world's worst ven-

triloquist.
 ^5
BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

barney (Overlapping Sandy's voice, to Herman) Well, any-

how . . .

sandy's voice-over (Talking over Hermans mutterings) If they

couldn't get an animal act, they would call Barney Dunn.

barney (Overlapping Sandy's voice, turning to the back room) Let's

go back there. (As Herman) Yeah.
The film cuts to a closer view of Barney and his smiling dummy.
Barney wears a bow tie; he moves his lips. His dummy wears a party
hat. Their voices are low and indistinct as Sandy continues to speak
over their act.

sandy's voice-over Barney would work children's parties.

Five-year-old kids would boo him.

CUT TO:
EXTERIOR. COLUMBUS CIRCLE— DAY.

Danny is strolling across the street, a newspaper in hand. The entrance

to Central Park is seen in the background, along with various build-
ings. Cars are stopped, waiting for the light to change. People pass

by. It's a crowded, bright New York City day.

Sandy continues his tale as Danny jauntily hops up the opposite curb

and walks over to Barney Dunn, who is standing on the corner, a

pipe in hand, talking to a tall young woman with a headband who is

carrying a huge shoulder bag. Cars drive by in the noisy background.

sandy's voice-over Now two weeks ago, Danny, who doesn't

handle Barney — I mean, that'll tell you something about Bar-
ney's act, Danny didn't want to handle —
him Danny meets
Barney on the street.

danny (Patting Barney on the back) Hey. How you doin', Bar-
ney?

barney (Turning to Danny; he speaks with a pronounced stut-

ter) Oh, hi, D-Danny.
 266

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Overlapping Barney) Hi, how's it goin'?

barney I'm 1-, Fm-I'm leaving on a c-cruise tomorrow.

danny Oh, you're kidding. Where for?

barney Well, I'm working a sh-ship to the B-B-Bahamas.

danny (Touching Barney's shoulder, gesturing) Oh, fantastic. An-

and then back here?

barney N-n-no. And here's the b-b-beauty part. Uh, from the
B-B-Bahamas to P-P-Puerto Rico for th-three weeks.

danny (Touching Barney's shoulder) Oh, fantastic. (Gesturing to-

wards the woman) Who's your friend?

Barney introduces Danny to the young woman. They continue their

indistinctly heard conversation as Sandy and Will speak over the scene.

Pedestrians walk past the camera, momentarily obscuring the trio.

sandy's voice-over (Overlapping the murmurs of conversation) So

Danny names Barney Dunn.

will's voice-over But can't they check that?

sandy's voice-over They do check it. They tie up Danny and

Tina and they go to check it.

The film cuts back to inside the warehouse; its office windows fill the

screen. A wire apparatus hangs down in front of them. As Danny's

voice is heard, the camera slowly moves down and across a portion of
the room — to reveal Danny on top of Tina. They are tied together,

face to face, lying prone and immobile on the desk. Light filters in

from the windows in the background.

danny (Offscreen) What am I doing here? How did I get into

this? What, what, (Onscreen) why me? Why, what did I do to
deserve this that I'm here now? Wh
 267

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Interrupting) You were really quick on your feet to come

up with that name so fast.

danny (Sarcastically) Oh, great. That's wonderful. Let me tell

you something, darling. I was traumatized. I-I, well, my body

went into shock when they, when they stuck that gun in you,
and I —All I thought was they're gonna kill us, they're go-,
I'm gonna be dead, and-and, Milton is coming to the Waldorf
soon. You know what I'm saying?
The film cuts to a closer view of the couple. Danny and Tina's faces
fill the screen. Their noses are almost touching; their lips almost meet.

tina Listen, Danny. Listen.

danny (Continuing) And I'm . . . uh . . .

tina (Overlapping Danny) Listen, they're gonna be back in a

minute. We gotta do something.

danny So what do you . . . What? (Looking out, trying to move)
I can't move a finger. I'm t-, I'm tied up here like a pig.
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina (Overlapping Danny, struggling with the ropes that bind

them) Maybe, if we just get out of these ropes.

danny I can't!

tina (Overlapping Danny, her voice at first indistinct, muttering)

. . . they just left one guy out there. There's two of us against
him.

danny Yeah, but let me remind you, he's got an axe. The man
has an axe. So there's, there's two of us. There'll be four of us
in no time.

tina (Overlapping Danny) Well, maybe we could sneak away.

danny No, I . . . (Pauses) You know, you know what I'm

thinking, though? I used to handle ... I used to handle an
escape artist named Shandar . . . who could get out of ropes.
But . . . (Grunting, looking down at the offscreen ropes) the prob-
lem is you gotta be standing up to . . . Even then, I'm not
surewe could do it. (Turning his head briefly) Let me, let me
askyou something. Do you think it's possible that we could
... we could work our way off this table?

tina Ah, I-I can hardly move.

danny (Overlapping Tina, grunting) Wait. Let's, try, try it with

me. Try . . . (Mumbles as they start to squirm) I'm, I'm serious.
Tr-try a little bit. Come on, come on. Give it a try.

tina (Squirming) You're so heavy.

danny (Grunting and squirming) All right, all right. Just try.

Just do what I'm telling you. Come on, come on! It'll happen.
Move. Move! Okay, you all right?

tina (Grunting and squirming) Yeah.

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Squirming, his body and Tinas starting to slide off the
desk) Come on, try and pull. That's it. See? It's not so tough.
Uh-huh, very good. Start, that's it. Try and slide down.
That's it. (Grunting as they begin to slide offscreen, as Tina grunts
and squirms as well) That's it. Very good. (Offscreen, sliding off

the table) Slowly, that's it.

Tina, under Danny, slides offscreen as well. The desk is now empty,
its top holding only a few pieces of office paraphernalia; cartons are

piled up in the background under the windows. Danny's voice is heard

as the film cuts to the couple bound together, sliding off the end of the
desk into a standing position. Their hands are tied behind their backs.

danny (Offscreen) Slowly, that's it. Come on, now pull. Come
on, hard. That's it, that's it. A little more. I think we got it.

Thatta girl. (Onscreen, standing with Tina at the edge of the desk)
That's right. Okay. (Grunts) You got it?

tina Yeah.

danny Okay. All right. (Panting) All right, very good. Now
. . . (Panting) I'm out of breath. All right, now, here's what
Shandar, when Shandar was, was like this, what he would do
is . . . (Clears his throat) he would wriggle.

tina Wriggle?

danny Yeah. He would wriggle and what happens is the ropes

gradually, eh, start to get some play in them. They start to

get loose. That's what he, take my word for it. He would
wriggle.

tina (Overlapping Danny) Hmm?

danny (Nodding) Yeah.

tina You sure?

danny Yeah, yeah. You jus — So, so you ready? Ready?

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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina Yeah.

danny (Starting to wriggle along with Tina) All right, now, now,
all right, now start to wriggle. That's right. Wriggle. Yeah,
see what I mean? That's it, that's a girl. Thrust, wriggle.
That's it.

The film cuts to Tina's face, looking straight at Danny, whose back is

to the camera. They both wriggle.

danny That's it.

tina Hey, I'm wriggling.

danny That's it. Keep wrig — Oh, keep wriggling. That's

very important. Are you wriggling?

tina Uh-huh.
The film moves to Danny's face, looking past Tina, whose back is to

the camera. He's wriggling his body, a halfsmile on his face.

DANNY Oh, whoOO.

tina I'm wriggling.

danny (Overlapping Tina) That's good. That's good wriggling.

Tina pants.

DANNY Yes.

tina (Panting) I don't want to . . . overwriggle.

danny (Overlapping Tina) No . . . no, but it's nice wriggling.

They move together, caught up in the now sensuous wriggling, as the

film moves back to Tina's face. Her sunglasses fall off; her eyes are

closed.

danny (His back to the camera) That's it. (Grunting) The ropes
are starting to get loose.
They are now seen together, in profile, as they try to wriggle out of

their ropes at the desk's edge. Danny's head is on Tina's shoulder.

 27 I

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Grunting murmuring , in concentration, then more distinctly)

Come on, it's happening. It's, come on, my han-, my hand's

getting free. Keep wriggling. Don't stop now. Oh, I got it, I

got it.

tina Yeah?

danny (Overlapping Tina) I got it, yeah, yeah. Hold on. I got
it. I got it.

tina Yes?

danny (Holding up his freed hands, grunting) Yeah, yeah.

tina Oh . . . (Panting) Great.

danny (Struggling with the ropes that bind their torsos, wrig-
gling) Now, come on, keep wriggling, keep wriggling, dar-
ling. (Grunting, pulling the ropes up over Tina's chest) Don't . . .

Danny pulls the ropes over his head. He turns Tina around and starts
to untie her hands.

tina (Panting) Oh. Great.

danny (Overlapping Tina's panting) I told you, that's what

Shandar did. He would wriggle and then the, then he'd get
the, whole thing to happen. I saw it a million times.

The film cuts to the top of the warehouse stairwell. Tina and Danny
peer around the doorway, then make their way cautiously down the

stairs; Danny is in the lead. A slow Italian song begins playing in the

background. The warehouse is dark.

They reach the bottom of the stairs; light filters through a background
window. Danny points to the right and they turn offscreen in that

direction—just as Pete is seen in the background, in silhouette, looking

in from the outside through the window.

pete (Pounding on the window) Hey, hey, hold it!

The slow, sensuous song becomes a fast "Agita" as the camera moves
 272

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

right, in the direction Tina and Danny choose, past a doorway leading
outside — where the couple, their backs to the camera, are hightailing

it across the pier. Tina looks briefly behind her as they run. A large
warehouse looms in the background.

The film cuts to Pete, in fast pursuit. He dashes around a truck,

parked underneath a viaduct, towards the fleeing couple. A tree stands
in the background.

Then it's back to Tina and Danny, running towards the camera under
a series of covered viaducts. Pete follows them in the distance as they
turn and race up some steps to a different warehouse. Parked trucks
line the viaduct's walls; a sign is posted on one of the walls.

The film cuts to Pete, racing closer and closer to the camera. He holds

a gun; he stops directly in front of the camera. He looks off in the

direction they've gone and the film cuts inside the new warehouse.
Light filters through an offscreen window, revealing a nearby stair-
way. Danny and Tina race noisily down the stairs, their feet seen

from underneath the stairs, then, turning, they appear onscreen, rac-

ing down the stairs towards the camera, their shadows playing on the
stairwell wall. They stop at the bottom, looking around. The music
stops; the warehouse is dark.

danny (Racing down the stairs) Let's go. (Looking around at the
bottom) Jesus, where the hell are we?

tina (Taking off her sunglasses, looking around) God.

danny (Walking farther into the warehouse, towards the cam-

era) What is this? This looks like some kind of a factory or
something.

tina (Walking with Danny, farther into the gloom) It looks like a
warehouse.

danny Yeah. (Turning around, panting) Oh, you, you hear him?
Is he, I think he's right behind us.
 273

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Overlapping Danny, turning around) I don't know. Yeah,

he is.

danny Let's get out of here.

The film cuts to a different view of the warehouse, high up near the

ceiling looking down at the expansive gloom. Parts of parade floats

can be seen in the dark. Tina and Danny, far below, walk onscreen,
talking; they stop near the looming floats. Their voices echo in the
large room.

tina (Offscreen) Jeez, it's so (Onscreen) dark.

danny All right, don't panic.

tina (Whispering) Looks like a lot of parade floats and stuff.

danny Oh, perfect. There's a guy with a pistol running after

us, we're stuck in the middle of the Macy's Day Parade. What
the hell's—?
With a loud booming sound, the cavernous room is suddenly awash
with bright light. It looks like an airplane hangar. A huge sailor head
sits in the foreground; the Underdog balloon glares out in the back.

Other pieces of parade-float paraphernalia are scattered around the

warehouse among several helium trucks. Tina and Danny look very

small.

tina (Overlapping Danny) Do you see anyone?

danny No. What's going on here? Wh- where the . . .

tina (Interrupting Danny, looking around) I don't know.

danny (Continuing) . . . hell are we?!

The film quickly cuts to the ground, to Pete running out between two

floats, his pistol cocked. He fires — and the film cuts back to Danny
and Tina, seen far away like sitting ducks, past a helium truck and
some scaffolding. They start to run, their backs to the camera.

DANNY JeSUs!
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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

The film moves closer to the fleeing couple; they huddle behind a truck,
its back reading: Helium/Compressed Gas-Non-Flammable.
Pete fires off another shot; it hits the side of the truck. Helium gas
starts spraying out with a loud hiss. Pete is seen in the background,

running towards them; he is partially obscured by the escaping gas.

The film cuts to a closer view of the running Pete; he stops, looking

offscreen at Tina and Danny as the film moves to his point of view:
the fleeing Danny and Tina, racing behind a partially assembled
Doodlebug float then out, in the open again as another bullet hits the

Doodlebug head and they race behind the safety of another helium
truck.

Then it's back to Pete, a determined look on his face, a float in the
background behind him. He raises his gun and fires off another shot.

The film cuts to the shot's destination: a pipe on the helium truck
where the offscreen Tina and Danny are hiding. Gas spews out into
the air with a loud hissing sound.

The scene shifts to a different view of the escaping gas, at the end of
the damaged truck, and the clouds ofgas billowing around the nearby

floats. Pete rushes toward the damaged truck, partially obscured by

the clouds of gas. He aims his gun at the offscreen Danny and Tina,

fire in his eyes.

pete (His voice comically high-pitched from inhaling the helium)

Don't move or I'll blow your goddamned brains out!
The film moves to Danny and Tina, seen behind the truck's rigging.

They look at the offscreen Pete through a cloud of helium.

danny (Also in a silly, high-pitched voice) Don't shoot. (Gesturing)

Don't shoot. I'm just a beard, really. I'm just a b

tina (Also in a high-pitched voice, interrupting and gesturing)

You're making a mistake. He's just a beard!
The film cuts back to Pete. He hasn't budged. He holds out his gun
 275

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

and aims it at the offscreen couple. A giant hand and other partially
seen floats are in the background.

pete (In his helium voice, looking at the offscreen Danny) Don't tell

me you're the beard, you goddamn little rat, you!

Pete pulls the trigger, but there are no more bullets. Grimacing, he
starts to fill the barrel.

danny (Offscreen, in his helium voice) Run, Tina, run!

The film moves back to Danny and Tina. Danny grabs Tina's arm;
they run past the rigging, then behind the truck, which is partially

obscured by the billowing, hissing gas. They run behind the truck as
they talk in their high-pitched munchkin voices. Their legs can be seen
beneath the vehicle.

danny (In his helium voice, his face offscreen) He's out of bullets!
(Running behind the truck) It's our chance. Tina, it's our chance!
He's out of bullets!

tina (In her helium voice, her face offscreen, following Danny's
lead) All right, all right, I'm coming!

danny (In his helium voice) Come on!

Tina and Danny run out from behind the truck and race towards the

warehouse wall, where there is a power switch near a ladder and some
Dutch children floats. Tina turns around, looking at the offscreen Pete

and muttering indistinctly in her high-pitched voice, as Danny reaches

the switch, as another gunshot is heard, as the room is flooded in

darkness. Only the spewing gas and parts of some floats can be seen.

pete (Offscreen, in his helium voice) Goddamn, you little rat,

you're never gonna get out of here! I'll find ya!

Pete fires a round of shots; they flash brightly in the darkness as the
warehouse scene dissolves to a taxi, driving along at night. Danny sits
wearily in the backseat; light reflected on his face rhythmically
brightens and dims as the taxi moves along. Slow Italian music begins
 276

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

to play as he turns his head to the right. The camera moves across the

backseat to reveal his point of view: a dimly seen, then brightly seen,

Tina, looking out the window, back lit by flickering headlights. She
turns to her left and smiles at the offscreen Danny, then turns back to

the window, reflective, her hand to her mouth.

The rhythmic light flickers on Tina's face as the film cuts to upper

Park Avenue at night. Rows of cars drive down the dark street, their

headlights glowing; the street lamps are round, hazy orbs of light.

Tina and Danny's taxi is among the cars. The slow, sensuous music
continues; the taxi moves past the camera, driving towards its Wal-
dorf-Astoria destination offscreen.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. WALDORF-ASTORIA DRESSING ROOM-
NIGHT.

The Waldorf nightclub manager, in tux and frilly shirt, is standing

in the doorway of the bathroom, facing out into the dressing room. A
bathroom mirror is partially seen behind him. He is framed by the
open slatted door on one side, an open shower on the other.

manager (Gesturing and shouting, looking out at the offscreen dressing

room) I don't believe this! He's drunk. I've got a show in a
half hour. I got a packed house, Danny! I need it right.

Lou is seen in the background, walking on, then offscreen, in the

bathroom; he holds a cloth to his face. The camera moves away from
the manager, past a friend who is with him, past a mirror reflecting

the manager and his friend — to reveal Danny and Tina standing in
the dressing room. Another mirror hangs on a wall above a dresser in

the background. It reflects the gesturing manager and his friend.

manager's friend (Overlapping the manager) He came in drunk.

danny (Offscreen) Don't panic. (Onscreen as the camera moves over

to him in the dressing room, stammering) Don't panic. Let me, I'll

deal with him.

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Danny walks towards the bathroom, past the manager s friend, past
the manager in the doorway. The manager's friend walks offscreen;

the manager turns and follows Danny into the bathroom, where Lou
is slouched in a chair. They are all seen through the doorway, the
camera looking in on them.

manager (Overlapping Danny, gesturing and shouting) I mean,

what do we do?! Danny, you've got to do something!

danny (Overlapping the manager, walking into the bathroom and

gesturing) Relax, will you? I can talk to him. (To Lou) Lou,
Lou. (To Teresa) Yes, is Milton here yet?
Teresa, dressed up in a white stole, walks onscreen from another area

of the bathroom. She flings a towel into the nearby shower and leans
against it, her back to the camera.

teresa. Yes. He came with Howard Cosell.

Everyone is talking at once. Pandemonium is in the air. A waiter
walks through the doorway into the bathroom, carrying a tray of
coffee. The manager's friend paces in front of the camera, on, then

offscreen. He smokes a cigarette.

danny (Overlapping Teresa and the manager, gesturing, his arm on

Lou's shoulder) Jesus, all right, relax, everybody.

manager (Overlapping Danny, gesturing to the waiter) I ordered

black coffee. Bring it here.

danny (Overlapping the manager, to Lou) You're gonna be

manager (Overlapping Danny, to the waiter) Put it down.

danny (Overlapping the manager, pointing towards the offscreen

Tina) Eh, eh, th-this is, this is Lou's wife, uh, Teresa.

manager (Overlapping Danny, reacting to the situation) Wow.

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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

danny (Pointing to Teresa) That's, uh, th-th-that's Tina M-Mu-

sante.
Teresa turns her head towards the offscreen Tina; she smiles briefly.

manager (Overlapping Danny, hitting himself in frustration)

Jeez.
The film cuts to Tina, walking towards the bathroom doorway. She
is wearing her sunglasses. Teresa stands in the foreground, near the
shower, looking in at the offscreen bathroom scene.

tina Vitale.

manager (Offscreen, overlapping Tina) Danny, you gotta do

something.

danny (Offscreen) All right, relax.

manager (Offscreen, overlapping Danny) He's got to go on in

twenty minutes. I got a full house out there.
Tina and Teresa shake hands briefly in the doorway. They smile hello

at each other. They both turn back to the offscreen bathroom drama;
they react as the drama unfolds before them.

danny (Offscreen) Okay. (To Lou) Lou, Lou.

manager (Offscreen, clearing his throat) Something's gotta hap-

pen.

danny (Offscreen) Okay, Lou, st — Now say the three S's, Lou.
Lou, please, you gotta pull yourself together. You're gonna
pull yourself together. Listen to me. You're gonna do a great
show. So don't worry about it.

tina (Overlapping Danny, her hand to her mouth, to Teresa) Is he

gonna be okay?

teresa (Nodding, looking offscreen into the bathroom) Danny'll get

him sober. He's done it before.

danny (Offscreen, overlapping Teresa) Come on, Lou. Just relax.

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Now come on, Lou, just relax. Uh, I need two aspirin, some
tomato juice, and some Worcestershire sauce.
The manager walks past the two women in the doorway and leaves

the dressing room.

waiter (Offscreen, repeating Danny's order) Two aspirin and to-

mato juice . . .

danny (offscreen) Right. And some goat cheese and some

chicken fat.

tina (To Teresa) And that's gonna do it?

danny (Offscreen, overlapping Tina, to Lou) Just relax.

Lou grunts offscreen.

teresa (Overlapping Lou s grunts) That's a Danny Rose formula.

(Shaking her head) I still can't figure out how it works.

danny (Offscreen, overlapping Teresa, to Lou) Come on, relax. Do

it. I promise you're gonna be okay tonight. My hand to God.
Teresa reacts, biting her lip. Tina crosses her arms in front of her chest

as the film cuts to the Waldorf nightclub stage. Lou's show is in

progress. He is seen across the backs and heads of the audience, lit by a
spotlight; he is singing "My Bambina, " his microphone in hand. An
orchestra accompanies him.

As Lou sings, the film cuts to a table in the nightclub audience, where
Teresa, Danny, Howard Cosell, and Milton Berle are seen, sitting

and watching the offscreen show. Tina, sitting on the other side of
Danny, is offscreen. The tabletop is littered with coffee cups. Teresa
sits in the foreground, her back to the table. She turns briefly to Milton
Berle, smiling. He's enjoying the show. Danny, sitting to the come-

dian's left, is only partially seen. He keeps one eye on Berle. Other

patrons, sitting at their tables, surround the group.

 28o

THREE EILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

The film moves back to Lou, to a closer view of him on the stage, still

singing. The orchestra's drummer is seen behind him, in front of the

background curtain.

As Lou continues "My Bambina, the film cuts to various people in

the audience:

— An older, elegant woman mesmerized by his voice. She sits in the

foreground at her table, her body slightly turned towards the stage.
She is beaming. Two men share her table; they sip their drinks. She
reaches for hers.
— A younger, sophisticated, dark-haired woman, intently watching

the offscreen Lou. She takes a sip of champagne and smiles. A

tuxedoed man sits behind her at his table, turned towards the stage.
A woman, faintly seen, is next to him.
 28l

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

— Tina, in her sunglasses, sitting between Danny and another man.

Milton Berle and the others are all offscreen. Tina turns briefly and
smiles at Danny, then across the table. She looks back at the off-

screen stage, enjoying the show. Danny, too, watches the stage; his
mouth is open.

The film moves back to Lou, seen in the distance past the backs and
heads of the audience. He finishes his song. The audience applauds
enthusiastically as he takes his bows.

lou Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The camera moves closer to him, up on the stage, his drummer behind
him; another musician, on his other side, is partially seen

lou (Into the microphone) Love ya. This is what you get when
you eat too much. (Tapping his stomach) Oo-da-too.
Lou begins singing "Agita, " and the orchestra joins in with a flourish.

A man in the audience cries out his approval. There are whistles and
applause.

As Lou sings, the film cuts back to the Milton Berle table, amidst the
other patrons Howard Cosell, and Milton Berle are all smil-
. Teresa,

ing. A nervous Danny turns to the comedian, who nods and mouths

his approval. Grinning, Danny turns to the stage, then back to Mil-

ton Berle.

Lou continues to sing as the scene shifts to the stairs that lead into the

nightclub area. Agent Sid Bacharach walks onscreen, pausing at the

bottom of the stairs to look at the offscreen Lou. Two women walk
down the stairs behind him, en route to their table from the lounge.

Then it's back to Lou, doing his classic number on the stage, the

drummer behind him. The audience laughs and cheers appreciatively.

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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

Lou tosses his microphone from hand to hand; the orchestra plays as the

film cuts to Danny, Tina, and another man at their table. Milton

Berle and the others are all offscreen. The three of them are watching
the offscreen Lou; Tina smiles, putting her fingers to her lips.

The scene shifts to a closer view of Sid, leaning against the stairs and
watching the offscreen stage intently. A man passes briefly in front of
him. Lou's song is interrupted abruptly as the film cuts to:

INTERIOR. WALDORF-ASTORIA DRESSING ROOM—

NIGHT.

Lou's dressing room is crowded with people. There's a constant din of

conversation and good cheer. Lou stands in the foreground, his tie

askew, greeting the surge of well-wishers. People mill about in the

 ^3
BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

background, including Danny, Tina, and Milton Berk talking in a

group. Jeanette, a fan and friend, walks into the room. The Waldorf
u
nightclub manager is right behind her; another man ( first man")
follows him in, his back to the camera.

jeanette (Kissing Lou) Lou, you were wonderfully superb.

And my, "Chicago" is my favorite. (Turns towards the crowd in

the background)

lou (To Jeanette) I know my fans. Thanks, honey.

manager (Overlapping Lou, slapping him on the back) What else

would it be? You were terrific, Lou.

lou (Overlapping the owner, gesturing) Oh, you guys. You were
worried. (Laughs)

manager (Walking towards the crowd in the background) It was

fabulous.

first man Ah, I wasn't worried at all. You were the greatest.

lou (Shaking his hand) Thank you for coming. (Slapping his back)
I don't forget my friends.
The first man walks towards the crowd in the background as another
man, wearing a plaid tux, enters, his back to the camera.

second man (Overlapping Lou, shaking his hand and touching his
shoulder) Lou, Lou. Great show. I really enjoyed it.

lou George, you don't miss an act, huh?

second man (Overlapping Lou, walking towards the back) Really

loved it.

Teresa leaves the background bustle with Bill and Diane, two family
friends. She walks over to Lou. People pass back and forth in front of

them, all around them.

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THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

lou (Kissing his wife) How you doin', hon? You holdin' up all

right? (Nods and smiles at Diane)

teresa (Nodding to Diane, then looking at Lou) Oh, yeah. I'm

g — Bill and Diane are gonna give me a lift home. I'm so tired.

diane (Overlapping Teresa, smiling at them and exiting with

Bill) Good night.

lou (Overlapping Diane, to Teresa) Are you?

teresa (Nodding) And I have to take care of the sitter, too, you
know.

lou (Gesturing) I'm, I appreciate it because I gotta do some

Danny. I gotta
serious things with talk with Milton, the cigar
man, you know and everything.

teresa (Overlapping Lou, walking offscreen) Yeah, I know.

Everything went okay. Yeah.

lou (Looking after her) I'll be home about two, three hours.

teresa (Overlapping Lou, offscreen) Terrific. Okay. (To Danny)

Danny, make sure he gets home early.

bill Lou.

lou (Overlapping, to Teresa) Okay. (To Bill, shaking his hand)

Thanks for coming!
Lou laughs, distracted, a framed mirror and lamp behind him. The
sounds of the well-wishers are all around him.

eddie (Offscreen) Lou!

lou (Looking towards the left, towards the crowd in the room) Eddie,
(Offscreen as he walks over to Eddie) all right.

eddie (Offscreen) It was good to hear you.

The camera holds on the mirror and the nearby lamp for a beat, before

the film cuts to:

 »«5

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

The expansive, luxurious lobby of the Waldorf. Danny, Tina, and

Lou are in the distance, walking through a glass door into the lobby,

passing a group of people going the other way. Chandeliers dot the
ceiling; a patterned carpet covers the floor; furniture and display cases

line the walls. A man waits in the foreground. Danny, Tina, and
Lou walk down the corridor, closer and closer to the camera. Danny
and Lou do all the talking; Tina walks in silence between them.

danny Have I got a story for you. Wh — Lou, when I tell you
what this woman and I have been through today! Wh-what,
really, when, when you find out what you put me through
today. Unbelievable!

lou Danny, I gotta speak to you, and I gotta do it now while

I'm still a little high.

danny (To Tina) He-he'll fall down when I tell him. (To Lou)
Lou, I-I-I can't sleep home tonight, okay?

lou I gotta get this off my chest. It's only right that Tina be
here because she's part of it.

danny (Reacting) What? Wh-wh-wh- wh-what, wh-what?

lou Well, come next week, I feel some changes gotta be made.

danny Yeah? Like what?

lou (Gesturing) Like . . . Tina and I, y-you know, we're crazy

about each other, and I feel I gotta say something to Terry
about it.

danny (Gesturing) Well, you know, what you guys if that's

decide on, that's what you want to do, you know? I mean, if
you-you gotta do it you gotta do it. I just hope, you know,
that you know what you're doing.

lou (Gesturing) Well, we're sure about a lot of things. Tina and
 286

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

I have been doing a lot of discussing. I feel for myself that

... I gotta make a few changes.

danny (Scratching his head) Like what kind of changes?

lou Like management.

Tina and Lou walk offscreen, past the camera — leaving a stunned
Danny alone on the screen, his face close to the camera.

danny (After a beat) What do you mean, "management"? Like

wh-wh-wh- . . . what do you mean, "management"?

lou (Offscreen) Tina's really close to Sid Bacharach. You had to

notice him there tonight . . .

Danny swallows as Lou pauses.

lou He was there to see me.

danny Wh-wh-wh- ... I don-, I don't understand. You . . .

what is . . . you want to change management?

The film cuts to Tina and Lou, standing nearby in a darkened corri-

dor. Tina looks down at the floor.

lou (Shaking his head and looking at the offscreen Danny) Don't
think it's not hard for me to say, but I gotta do what's right
for my career.
The film moves back to Danny's stunned and hurt face, in the lob-

by .. .

danny (Touching his temples, looking down) Uhhh . . . what do

you mean? Am I hear — I don't know. (Looking up at the off-

screen Lou) I can't believe you're saying this.

. . . then back to Tina, her head still down, and Lou. She looks up
briefly at Lou as he talks. She scratches her nose.

lou (Gesturing) Danny ... Sid can really move me. I mean,
we've got this special rapport.

The film cuts back to Danny . . .

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BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (To Tina) How do you know Sid? (Pauses) Have you
been pushing him to, to, to leave me?

. . . then back to Tina and Lou.

tina (Gesturing) Hey, leave me out of this. (Walking in front of

Lou and offscreen, leaving a sad-looking Lou alone in the corridor,

looking offscreen at Danny) All I know is he's a big talent and

he's playing joints.

The film is back on Danny in the corridor, looking offscreen at Tina.

danny (Reacting with disbelief) Joints? What do you mean? He

was lucky to get j — When I met him he was, he was still
singing "Funiculi, Funicula."
Danny walks towards the camera and offscreen as the film cuts to the

main lobby of the hotel. A man and a woman walk across the screen

in the foreground, talking indistinctly. Behind them is a Greek-style

mezzanine, with a center staircase, a marble statue, pillars, large

murals, and potted plants. Doorways lead to other corridors. Stairs

lead down to the mezzanine from the side. Danny, Tina, and Lou are
heard over the scene; they soon appear onscreen, walking down the side
stairs to the mezzanine.

tina (Offscreen) Look, Danny, facts are facts.

danny (Offscreen) What are you talking about, "facts are facts"?
(Onscreen, walking down the side stairs) What does that — Y-you
know, this kid owes me his life!

A group of hotel guests walk onscreen, chattering indistinctly as the

trio walks behind the pillars, across the mezzanine to the center stair-

case.

lou (Walking down the center staircase with Tina in the lead) Will
you leave her out of this! What's done is done.

danny down the center staircase) I don't un-

(Gesturing, walking
derstand you, Lou. We've been through so much together.
 THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

lou (Gesturing) That's your trouble, Danny. You make every-

thing into a personal situation.
Tina, Lou, and Danny reach the bottom of the stairs in the main
lobby. A couple stands nearby, talking by the stairs. The trio walks

to the center of the lobby, in the middle of a large, round area rug,
still in the midst of their emotional discussion. Other hotel guests mill
about, passing in front of them, walking up and down the stairs and
chattering indistinctly.

danny (Gesturing) I, of, of, of course I make it personal. That's

the point. Well, that's our relationship. You can't put into a
contract what I do with you. You know, it's — (To Tina)
Look, all right, ah, can I, can I give you, may I give you one?
My Uncle Meyer, the man sold apples.

lou (To Tina, overlapping Danny, his voice raised) Say something,
will you?! (Gesturing) You know I'm not verbal at all.

tina (Overlapping Lou, gesturing, her voice also raised) What am I

gonna say?! This is business between the two o' you. You
gotta do what you gotta do, and Danny's gotta understand it.

He's a big boy.

danny (Gesturing, to Tina) What are you talking about?! What

are you telling him?

lou (Overlapping Danny, gesturing) Danny, naturally if any-

thing comes out of this, you know you're gonna be in for a

taste.

danny (After a beat, in disgust) Shh . . .

He shoves past them, furious and hurt, hurrying down a nearby

staircase and offscreen. Tina and Lou look after him.

lou (Calling out) Danny, where're you going, Danny? Danny!

Danny . . .
 289

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. CARNEGIE DELI— NIGHT.

Danny is sitting alone at a table, his hand at his head. A lone cup of

coffee sits in front of him, near the ketchup and the other condiments.
Rows of empty tables are seen in the background. A few scattered

customers are seen, chattering low and indistinctly over the scene.
Danny rubs his forehead, staring into space. It is quiet for a beat.

deli owner Hey, how you doin', Danny? You hear

(Offscreen)

about Barney Dunn? Couple of guys done a pretty good job

on him, they beat him up pretty badly.
There is a pause. Danny looks up offscreen at the owner, rubbing his
chin.

danny (Gesturing, looking ill) I thought he was on a cruise.

As the deli owner replies, the film cuts to the deli take-out counter.
The owner, his face hidden by the high counter, is behind it, preparing
some food. Other men work behind the counter as well. A raincoated
customer walks onscreen to the counter; he picks up a bag offood and
leaves as the owner talks. On the wall behind the counter is a menu
with prices; beer bottles line the inside edge of the display case. A
portion of the case is mirrored, reflecting the opposite wall's framed
photograph and light fixture. The top of the counter is filled with
stacks ofplates and food.

deli owner (His face partially obscured by some food on the

counter) Naaa-aaw, naw, that was canceled. He's in the hos-

pital now. It was pretty rough for a while. It was touch and
go. But it-it-it's, but it's all right now. The cops got 'em. They
got the guys that done the job on him.
The film cuts back to Danny at his table, looking at the offscreen
owner, stunned.

danny (After a beat) Which hospital?

 290

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

deli owner (Offscreen) Roosevelt.

Danny, still stunned, turns away from the offscreen owner, looking

off, then down at his table. He starts to stand up and the film cuts to:

The outside facade of Roosevelt Hospital in the dark. Electric lights

above the entrance spell out the hospital's name. Spotlights play
against the entrance, creating shadows and glimmers of light.

"Agita," played at a melancholy speed, is heard in the background as

the camera moves across the entrance to its large ground-level windows
in the reception area. Danny is seen in the distance, through the
windows, talking to a security guard who is sitting behind a long
desk. Danny points towards the left; the guard nods. Gesturing and
talking, Danny walks away, to the left. The camera, outside follows ,

him through the windows, past a sitting area with sofas and potted
plants, as he turns a corner and walks down a corridor, his back to

the camera. A large framed portrait hangs in the background, at the

end of the corridor. Some branches on an outside tree hang down, over
the windows.

With "Agita" slowly playing, the film moves to Barney's hospital

room, the camera inside facing the doorway. A sink and mirror are
seen in the foreground. Danny gingerly walks onscreen , walking from
the corridor to the doorway. He peers inside, towards the camera, then
slowly and cautiously makes his way in, past the sink, past the curtain
partition, to Barney, all bandaged up, lying in his hospital bed. His
bandaged arm lies across his chest; he is immobile. The wall behind
Barney is bare; a long light fixture glows down.

danny (Clearing his throat) How you doing, Barney?

barney Danny, wh-wh-what are you doing here?

danny (Standing on the side of Barney's bed, looking down at

him) Well, (Clears his throat) I heard that, eh, that-that you
got beat up. (Gesturing) So . . .

barney (Shaking his bandaged head) I s-s-still don't know what

happened.
 201

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Gesturing) Barney, I want you to know if there's any-

thing I can do, anything at all, you know what I mean? You

worried about, you know, hospital bills? Anything at all, I'll

take care of it.

barney You wanna p-pay my hospital bills? D-Danny, are

you sure you' re okay?

danny (Gesturing) Really, Barney, anything at all, whatever

you need.
Barney sighs deeply as the film cuts back outside, to the hospital's

entrance, as seen from a different angle. The Roosevelt Hospital

sign is seen again, over the hospital's covered drive-up entranceway
Lights from the reception area glare out from the ground-level win-
dows into the gloomy night. It is raining. A man walks past the
entrance as Danny walks out the glass doors. His shoulders are
slumped. As the sounds of the melancholy "Agita" continue, he makes
his way slowly towards the camera, across the driveway. He stops;

the rain continues to fall. The wind blows, and the film cuts to:

INTERIOR. CARNEGIE DELI— NIGHT.

The comics are still gathered at their table, which is littered with
plates and cups, discussing Danny Rose. Corbett, Sandy, Will, and
Jack face the camera. Morty, partially seen, sits across from Sandy.
The sounds of cutlery and other customers are heard indistinctly in the

background.

morty (Gesturing) I thought this was a funny story. It's terri-

ble!

sandy (Gesturing, a cigarette in hand, to Morty) So, what do you

want me to do? It's not my life. (Pauses, then changes the mood at
the table as he continues his tale, looking at the others, smiling) So
(Chuckling) Lou leaves his wife and kids and he moves in with
Tina.
The film cuts to a smoky nightclub. Lous legs and a portion of his
sequined jacket are seen on the raised stage in the foreground; his
 2Q2

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

microphone wire dangles down. He's singing. Around him are the
club's patrons, crowded at small tables, listening and moving their

heads in time to the music. Waiters make their way through the

crowded maze ofpeople and tables; new patrons are led to tables. Tina
and Sid are dimly seen at a background table, watching Lou.

sandy's voice-over Sid Bacharach's handlin' him. He's doin'

all right.

lou (His face offscreen, overlapping singing) "You may be king,

you may possess / The world and all of its gold. / Ahh, gold
won't bring you happiness ..."
The film cuts to Tina and Sid at their table against the wall. Tina
wears a white fur and her sunglasses. She smokes a cigarette. While
Sid watches the offscreen Lou, she rubs her forehead. She looks out of
sorts. Other patrons sit at surrounding tables.

lou (Offscreen, singing) " . . . when you're growing old. / Ohh,

the world, it's still the same / And you can never change it."

sid (Over Lou's singing, which continues in the background, looking at

Tina) You okay? You seem a little down.

tina (Flicking a cigarette ash) No, I-I have a headache.

A waiter walks over to their table; he puts a drink down in front of

Tina. His back is to the camera; he is only partially seen.

tina (To the waiter) What are you doing with this? I ... I

ordered a Courvoisier.

waiter Gee, I'm awfully sorry. Didn't you order a Jack Dan-
iel's?

tina (Overlapping the waiter, reacting) Don't tell me what I or-

dered, I ordered a Courvoisier.

sid (To Tina) You did say Courvoisier.

tina (Waving her hand in frustration , then putting her empty glass on
 293

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

the waiter's tray) Okay. All right. Let's not make a federal
case out of it.

The waiter walks off. Tina sits glumly, still out of sorts. Sid looks
at her, concerned. Lou continues singing with his band and the film

cuts to:

INTERIOR. LOU AND TINA'S APARTMENT— NIGHT.

The apartment is dark, silent. The bedroom doorway is seen next to a

portion of the living room wall with two hanging pictures. An end
table holding a lamp sits against it.

lou (Offscreen) Honey, what are you doing up?

tina (Offscreen) I can't sleep.

A light is switched on in the bedroom, revealing Lous legs on the bed.
Also seen through the doorway are a portion of draped window, some
pictures on the wall, and a chair in the corner of the room.

lou (Grunting, getting out of bed, his body framed by the door-
way) You know, it's four o'clock in the morning. (Puts on his
slippers)

tina (Offscreen) Yeah, I know. I had a bad dream.

lou (Walking through the bedroom into the living room, gestur-
ing) Well, what is this, like a thing or something? I mean
this is going on every other night. (Walking over to Tina, his
back filling the screen) Uh, eh, why don't you take a pill or
something?
Tina is seen over Lou's shoulder, sitting at the kitchenette counter,

flipping through a magazine. She is bathed in light from the kitchen.

tina (Flipping through her magazine) Nah, no, I don't like pills.

The film cuts to a different view of Tina and Lou. He stands behind

a glass-block wall, in profile, talking to Tina doorway of the

in the

kitchenette. She sits behind the kitchenette's counter, facing the cam-
 294

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

era. Behind her are cabinets and appliances. The corner of the counter
holds a lazy Susan filled with spices. Stools sit on the visible side of the

counter, facing the camera and the rest of the offscreen living room.

An open magazine is in front of Tina; she smokes a cigarette.

lou (Gesturing) When I can't sleep, I take one of those Seco-

nals, I go out like a baby.

tina (Gesturing, not looking up from her magazine) I'm okay. I'm
fine.

lou (Walking into the kitchenette, behind the counter next to

Tina) You're okay. Listen, (Stuttering) I got a great new idea.

When I go to Atlantic City, (Leaning over Tina and gesturing)

I'm gonna open, you know I'm gonna open up with that
"You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You," then I'm gonna
go right into that "When You're Smiling"

tina (Looking up from her magazine in annoyance, interrupting)

Lou, will you give me a break? (Gesturing) It's four in the

morning.

lou (Gesturing) You're not — Listen to me. This is important

stuff.

tina (Overlapping Lou, going back to her magazine) I'm listening.

The film cuts to a close view of Angelina's little dog, panting,

sprawled out on Angelina's bed. Tina's voice is heard over the scene as
the film moves to her face. She is sitting at the foot of the bed in

Angelina's apartment. A standing assistant is partially seen next to

Tina; she holds some dollar bills in her hand.

tina (Offscreen) Angelina, I can't sleep. I — (Onscreen) I feel

jumpy. I mean some, I don't know. (Shaking her head) I'm not
myself.
The film cuts to Tina's point of view: Angelina, sitting up in her bed,
looking at the offscreen Tina.
 295

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Angelina (Holding up her hand dramatically) I see bad dreams,

deep dreams. (Hitting her chest) Bad conscience.

tina (Offscreen) Yeah ... A little while ago, I met some man.
(Onscreen as the film cuts back to her, sitting at the edge of the bed)
You know, I, I hardly spent any time with him. (Shaking her
One day. We had an adventure.
head)

Angelina (Offscreen) Yes. (Onscreen as the film cuts to her in the

bed, wagging her finger) He makes you feel uneasy.

tina (Offscreen) I did, I-I did him some, some little wrong, you
know. (Onscreen, the camera back on her face) Just s-some, some
small business matter. (Touching her neck) I-I didn't even know
him very well. But, you know, when I had the chance to,

(Gesturing, shaking her head) to say something, I, uh, I-I-I

didn't, I didn't speak up.

The camera continues to cut back and forth between Angelina in her
bed and Tina, sitting at its edge, the assistant at her side, as each one

speaks to the other.

Angelina (Wagging her finger) I have a vision of you

. . . standing before a large mirror. (Holds her hands out wide)

tina (Amazed) I j — I had that dream last week. That was it,

exactly my dream.

Angelina (Gesturing dramatically) What is it you're seeking

there?

tina (Sighing, looking off for a beat as she thinks) I want to rest
easy again. I want to find myself. Um, (Inhales deeply, shaking

her head) I want to wipe out my thoughts and forget this guy.
The film moves back, to a wider view of Angelina's bedroom. Seen
through its glass-paned doors are Tina, her back to the camera, sitting
at the edge of the bed, the assistant, standing nearby in purple — and
Angelina, her hands to her forehead, her eyes closed, sitting up in her
 296

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

bed. A crucifix hangs above her on the wall; her little dog is sprawled
out on the comforter.

Angelina (Sighing) I can't see clearly. (Taking her hands away

from her head, gesturing) It-it-it's unclear. It's all unclear . . .

(Continues in Italian)

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. TINA AND LOU'S BATHROOM— DAY.
Lou is taking a shower; he is in the stall, hidden by the shower curtain.
Tina, wrapped in a terry robe with a towel-turban on her head, is

standing by the steamed-up bathroom mirror, her back to the camera.

Her face is seen in the misty mirror. The running water in the shower
is loud.

lou (Offscreen) And, ah, what's the, what's the matter with you
lately? I mean, you're always so edgy.

tina I don't want to go to California, okay? (Applying some blush

to her cheeks) It gives me the creeps out there.

lou (Offscreen) Honey, it's important you go to California with

me.

tina (Rubbing some powder on her blush brush) Well, then you go.
The shower stops. Lou sticks his shower-capped head out of the stall.

As he talks to the nearby Tina, the camera slowly moves closer and
closer to her reflection in the mirror, until only her reflected, sad face

fills the screen.

lou (Gesturing with one hand, the other behind the shower curtain) I

mean, wh-what is it with you? I mean, lately, everything's

going so nicely. My comeback's in full swing now, but, oh,

you, you weren't happy in Vegas, you weren't happy in At-
lantic City. You complained all the time. I thought you'd be
happy.
 297

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

tina (Looking down, fingering her brush, then applying more

blush) I'm moody. I, y-you knew I was moody when you
met me.

lou (Offscreen) I've had it with the moods. I mean, I gotta go to

California, that's it. (Pauses) Hey, what's the matter?

tina (Looking down, sighing) I don't know.

After a beat, she slides the mirror back, revealing a cluttered medicine
cabinet. Her reflection disappears and the film cuts to the busy daytime

sidewalk outside P. J. Clarke's in Manhattan. Tina, in scarf and

sunglasses, stands near the entrance, looking around as she waits.

People in all shapes and sizes walk up and down the sidewalk in front

of her, oblivious, as the Carnegie Deli comedians' voices are heard.

sandy's voice-over Lou moves to L.A. Tina doesn't.

morty's voice-over Uh-huh.

sandy's voice-over It's all over between them.

morty's voice-over Yeah.

sandy's voice-over Guess who calls her for a date.

morty's voice-over I have no idea.

Ray Webb suddenly bursts onscreen, running up to Tina. He puts his
hands on her shoulders; she smiles. They looked pleased to see each

other.

tina (To Ray) Hi.

ray (To Tina) Hi.

They continue their conversation in low and indistinct tones as the

comedians speak over the scene, as the camera moves closer to them,
past the crowds on the street. Pedestrians pass in front of the camera.
As the comedians talk, a smiling Ray gestures to the bars door. He
opens it for Tina, his hand on her waist, and follows her inside.
 298

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

sandy's voice-over Remember the shaving cream man from

outer space?

morty's voice-over The guy she met with Danny when they
were lost in the reeds?

sandy's voice-over That's right. Well, now they start going

out. But she's just as moody with him.

morty's voice-over Naturally.

sandy's voice-over (Overlapping Morty) They fight. They

argue.
As Sandy continues his tale, the film cuts to the sky over Central Park
West. A giant inflated Snoopy balloon fills the screen. The sounds of
cheering , squeals of delight, and chatter compete with the music from

a marching band.

sandy's voice-over Then one morning, Thanksgiving morn-

ing, the two of them are on Central Park West. There's the
parade.
The film cuts to a throng of excited spectators on the sidewalk, watch-

ing the offscreen Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Balloons dot the
crowd of men, women, and children. The camera moves away from
the throng to reveal the parade in full swing. A marching high school
band in full regalia streams down the street, the students' feet in

perfect unison. A Kermit the Frog balloon is seen in the background,

behind the band. Trees line the park side of the street. People are
packed on the sidewalks on both sides of the avenue.

Over the sounds of marching bands and enthusiastic spectators, the

film cuts to a montage of the parade, a series of scenes showing:

— The giant Lionus balloon filling the screen.

— The giant Woody Woodpecker balloon moving in the sky.
— A marching group of white-clad swinging
majorettes, their batons,

and full-costumed clowns, marching backwards and acting silly.

 299

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Behind them, a giant turkey and a giant Bullwinkle the Moose

follow, bobbing in the sky.
— Sammy Davis, Jr., standing on top of a float, smiling and gestur-
ing to the offscreen crowd. The branches of the Central Park trees
are behind him, in the background.
— Tina and Ray standing on the sidewalk in the crowd. Ray is smil-

ing, watching the band moving down the street; Tina is looking off
in the opposite direction. He turns to her, smiling, then frowning
as he notices her faraway look. The Superman balloon floats in the

background.
— The Doodlebug float , weaving its way through the street. A woman
sits on its grinning cartoon head, waving to the crowd.
—Milton Berle, dressed as Cinderella, complete with blonde wig, long
white gown, and waving fan, standing on afloat. Behind him is a
giant clock, with Bulova on its face. Next to him is a young boy
dressed as a page. Milton Berle notices the camera.

milton berle (Mouthing his words, to the camera) Hello. How

are you? (Nudging the waving page) There's a camera over there.
(To the camera, waving) Hello. I love you.
The film continues its montage of the parade, showing over the sounds

of music and cheers:

— An exotic -looking float surrounded by people marching in costume.

The giant Underdog balloon floats in the background. Spectators
line the sidewalks.
— Santa Claus standing with Big Bird on the top of a giant house
float, a chimney sitting behind them. Santa Claus waves to the

crowd.
— The giant Underdog balloon, filling the sky, floating across the
screen.

The film moves back to Ray and Tina, standing on the sidewalk

among the other spectators. Tina is still looking off, lost in her own
world. Ray turns and looks at her with annoyance. The partially seen
 300

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

parade continues on the street. The sounds of the bands and the crowds
are heard in the background.

ray (Looking at Tina) Now what's wrong?

tina (Shrugging her shoulders) I don't know.

ray (Reacting angrily) Jesus, Tina, what's wrong with you?!

Tina puts her hand to her face. She starts to cry.

ray (Gesturing, exasperated) Look, w-, maybe, mayb-, maybe

we should have a little heart-to-heart. Everything makes you
cry. Maybe you should see a doctor. I don't know what to do
with you.

tina (Overlapping Ray, turning around and waking away) Excuse

me.

ray (Looking after her) Baby! Tina, what are you trying to pull
here?
 3 oi

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Ray goes offscreen after Tina, and the film cuts to Angelina's bedroom,

as seen through the glass-paned door. The bed is empty, no one is in

sight. Tina's and another woman's voices are heard over the empty
room.

tina (Offscreen) I got-, I gotta see Angelina right away.

woman (Offscreen) I'm sorry, Angelina's not here.

tina (Offscreen) She's not?

The film cuts to the open front door of the apartment, as seen through
the glass-paned door. The camera is inside the bedroom, looking out.
Tina stands in the doorway; an elderly woman holds the door open.

The scene is bathed in shadow.

tina Well, wh-wh-what time's she coming back? I-I need her
advice.

woman (Gesturing) Well, Angelina's having Thanksgiving with

her grandchildren, and she won't be here until Monday.

tina (Overlapping the woman) This is important.

woman (Gesturing) Well, I can't help it if it's important. She

won't be here until Monday. Please come Monday.

tina (Overlapping the woman, groaning and muttering, nodding her

head in disappointment) Yeah, okay.

CUT TO:
INTERIOR. DANNY'S APARTMENT— THANKSGIVING
DAY.

The water glass virtuoso is playing a song in Danny's living room.

She stands behind a long table lined with glasses; she moves her hands
above their rims. She looks up towards the camera as she plays, smil-
ing. A framed picture hangs behind her, on the wall. Barney and the
blind xylophonist are heard over the scene, having a conversation
 3 02

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

offscreen. Herbie Jayson, holding a glass walks through a doorway in

',

the background. He walks in front of the water glass virtuoso to a

makeshift bar on a table in the foreground. He puts down his glass as

the film cuts to a wider view of the living room. Herbie is seen at the

table bar, set up in the middle of the room. It's crowded with bottles,

plates, and glasses. Barney, sipping a drink, stands by the window

near the wall that's covered with framed photographs; he is talking to
the blind xylophonist, who is seated on the couch. The bird lady sits in

a nearby chair; she is feeding her parrot — who is dressed up in a party

dress and hat.

herbie (Gesturing to Barney, then to the table of drinks) Hey.

blind xylophonist ( To Barney, who shakes his head at Herbie) You

know . . . (Continues indistinctly)

herbie (Overlapping their conversation) This is great. (To the bird

lady, reacting to the bird) Hey, look, h — (Chuckling) Hey.

The film cuts to a closer view of the bird lady and her cutely dressed
parrot sitting near a desk. She touches the bird's head and wing,
murmuring. Barney, Herbie, and the blind xylophonist are heard

over the scene, chattering indistinctly as the water glass music contin-
ues, as Danny's voice is heard and the film cuts to:

Danny, walking into the center of the room, his back to the camera.

He turns around near the table, to his guests. He's holding a tray of
turkey TV dinners.
danny (Offscreen) Okay, I got the (Onscreen, walking into the
room) frozen turkeys.
Herbie grabs a plate from the table; the water glass virtuoso stops
playing and walks over onscreen to the group. She picks up a napkin
and some silverware. Everyone chatters at once, exclaiming their
approval and enthusiasm indistinctly.

danny (Overlapping the group, walking over to the window) Here

they are. All right, here we go. Here we go.
 3°3

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

barney (Overlapping Danny, looking at the tray of food) Thank

you, Danny.

danny (Overlapping Barney, taking the plate from Herbie and putting
a dinner on it) Give me a little room there. God love you. (To
Barney, handing him his dinner) Here's a, here's your frozen
turkey.

barney (Taking the plate, looking at it) Ah, thank you. D-Da
Yeah, b-b-believe me, the frozen is just as g-g-good as the re-
real.

danny (To the blind xylophonist handing him a dinner)

, You got it?

BLIND XYLOPHONIST Uh-huh.

danny (To Barney, as he turns towards the table, putting another

dinner on a plate that Herbie's holding out) Yeah? Yeah, and the
frozens are much cheaper than the real ones, you know.

herbie (Passing the dinner plate to the water glass virtuoso) I think
it's delicious.
 3 o4

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

blind xylophonist Can I help, please?

danny (Turning to the blind xylophonist and gesturing) No, no,

no, no. Sit there, you'll fall over.

water glass virtuoso (Overlapping Danny) And it smells so

good! It really smells terrific. It really does.
Danny busily serves turkey dinners to Herbie, the bird lady, and
himself. Everyone is talking at once, starting to eat and enjoying
themselves. The bird lady gives her parrot a piece offood; she takes it

away seconds later. The parrot looks around the room.

danny (Overlapping the water glass virtuoso, to her) Yeah, just dig

in, dig in. Don't, don't hesitate.

water glass virtuoso (Overlapping Danny, exclaiming) Really?

Okay, yeah, that's terrific.

herbie (Overlapping the water glass virtuoso, taking a fork from the
table) This is really great, you know.

bird lady (Overlapping Herbie, reaching out to him) Can I have a

fork, please? Can I have a fork?

danny (To the water glass virtuoso, busily putting down his tray,

squaring things away) W- would you like a drink or some-

thing?

water glass virtuoso Oh, I'd love it.

herbie (To the water glass virtuoso, ready to pour her a drink) Oh,
here, let me do that.

danny (Overlapping Herbie, gesturing with his pot holder) Yeah?

There's some Tab over here, and there's some club soda.
The telephone begins to ring over the chattering crowd.

water glass virtuoso (Overlapping Danny, picking up a glass) A

little Coke, a little Coke would be fine.
 3°5

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Overlapping the water glass virtuoso, pointing to Herbie)

You know, just . . . uh . . . give her some Coke. (Walking
away) Excuse me just a second.

Danny wipes his hands on the pot holder and throws it down. He
rushes towards the ringing phone in the foreground while Herbie pours

some Coke from a can into the water glass virtuoso's glass.

water glass virtuoso (Overlapping Danny, to Herbie, watching as

he pours) Oh, that's fine.
Danny picks up the phone; the group behind him continues to chatter

and eat.

danny (Into the phone) Hello? . . . Yeah, yeah, sure, we're,

yeah, that's right. (Turning to the party group) Hey, it's the
twins! It's the twins! They're

water glass virtuoso (Interrupting Danny) Wooo! Where

were they?
Everyone in the room is excited, talking all at once, indistinctly.

danny (Overlapping the group, turning back to the phone) Yes, yes
. . . Sure . . .

The door buzzer sounds. Danny picks up the phone and walks towards
the offscreen door, past the camera. The group in the living room
continues to chatter and laugh indistinctly.

danny (Continuing, into the phone) . . . sure, darling, sure.

Yes, darling. An-and the new noses are (His face offscreen, walk-
ing towards the door) good? (Offscreen, only the group in the living
room on-camera) . . . Yes, we're . . . sure.
An offscreen Danny opens his door— revealing Tina. A slow, sad
version of "My Bambina" begins; the offscreen chattering becomes

fainter. She stands therefor a beat.

tina (Looking at the offscreen Danny) I-I-I came to apologize.

The film cuts to Danny, at the door, impassive, staring silently. It

moves back to Tina.

 306

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

tina You gonna ask me in?

danny (Offscreen, into the phone) Let me call you back. Ca-can I

. Yeah
. . No, I'll get back to you. Let me call you, I'll
. . .

you back.
call

Danny hangs up the phone offscreen. Tina walks through the door,
past Danny.

tina (Walking into the apartment) Hope I'm not intruding.

Tina walks offscreen; Danny closes the door behind her. He looks off

at Tina, his face grim, still silent. The camera moves back to Tina,
standing in the foyer.

tina (After a beat) I realize you hate me.

herbie (Offscreen) Danny, come on, bring her in, will you? The
food's getting cold.

barney (Offscreen, overlapping Herbie) Hey, D-D-Danny, who's

your f-f-f-f-f-fr-, ah, your guest?
The camera moves back to Danny, still in shock, still at the door. He
walks forward a few steps; he puts his hand on the wall.

danny (To the offscreen Barney) Oh, s-, nobody. I-it's nothing.
The camera moves back to Tina, looking offscreen at Danny . . .

tina Was it your Uncle Sidney who said, "Acceptance, for-

giveness, and love"?

. . . then moves to Danny near the door.

danny (Shaking his head, looking down) Look, I've had a bad
year. I, you know, I ... If things don't pick up for me, I'm
gonna be selling storm windows soon.
The film cuts to Tina. She looks down, reacting to Danny's words,
then up at him.

tina I'd like to be friends.

 3 o7

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

danny (Offscreen) No, I don't think that would be such a great

idea.

Tina stares blankly behind her sunglasses.

herbie (Offscreen) Hey, this is the . . .

The film cuts back to the living room at large, as seen from its back
wall. Herbie is standing in front of the table, his back to the camera.
Barney and the bird lady and her dressed- up parrot sit on the sofa.

The water glass virtuoso is in a nearby chair. Everyone is eating their

TV dinners and chattering at once. Tina and Danny are seen in the

background, through the doorway, in the foyer.

herbie (Continuing, onscreen) . . . best Thanksgiving party

we've had so far. (Picking up a napkin from the table and walking
over to the water glass virtuoso) Here's you napkin, honey, you
said you needed one. (Walking back to the table, to the group)
This is absolutely the best Thanksgiving party. (Walking off-

screen to the window area, his face offscreen, to Danny) Danny, this

is marvelous.
Danny, his head down, looking sad, slowly walks away from the foyer
into the living room. He makes his way to the table. Tina, in the
background foyer, watches him through the doorway.

barney (Overlapping Herbie, to the approaching Danny) Hey-ya,

hey, D-D- Danny, who's your f-f-f-f-, ah guest?
The camera moves closer to Danny as he picks up his TV dinner and
salts it, as the blind xylophonist walks past the camera, eating his

food, as Tina turns around in the background and exits through the
front door.

blind xylophonist (Walking past the camera) The cranberry

sauce is dry.

herbie (Offscreen to the blind xylophonist) You're eating the

mashed potatoes. (Laughs)
The camera continues to move closer and closer in on Danny's forlorn
face, past Barney, past the water glass virtuoso, past the bird lady
 308

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

and her parrot. The blind xylophonist walks through the doorway in

the background, his back to the camera. Danny picks up a bottle of

beer, putting his plate down on the table. Barney walks over to him,
holding his ventriloquist dummy. The others continue to chatter and
laugh in the background. "My Bambina" continues.

barney (Offscreen, through the dummy) Hey! What a spread! Hi,

Gloria, wait a second, I'll be right with you. (To Danny) Hey,
Danny, thanks (Onscreen, standing next to Danny) a lot for the
invite. Boy, Thanksgiving sure rolls around fast.

Barney, still moving his dummy's mouth, walks offscreen behind

Danny, who is opening up his bottle of beer. The music gets louder;
Danny looks thoughtful, his face framed by the dark doorway.

The film cuts from Danny's face to the outside of his apartment build-
ing. A taxi and several other cars are lined up waiting for the light

to change. People are bundled up. They cross the street; they walk
down the sidewalk. It is snowing lightly. Danny comes out of his
building in his shirt. He looks around, then starts to run down the
sidewalk and across the street. He runs faster, past the Oyster Bar
Restaurant past other storefronts Cars pass in front of him, obscuring
,
.

him momentarily. The music swells as he runs past a hair salon, past

a boarded-up building, past a grocery store. He continues to run;

Tina is seen in front of him, walking slowly. He catches up to her, his
arm going around her waist , in front of the . . . Carnegie Deli. She
starts to pull away, he stops her. They talk. People and cars pass by.
Danny takes Tina's arm. They walk off together back the way they
came.

The music becomes softer. A few pedestrians walk by. Some cars, a
truck, and a taxi drive past. People enter the deli. The snow continues
As they laugh and talk,
to fall as the comics' voices are heard. the

Carnegie delicatessen/restaurant sign flashes on and off.

Sandy's voice-over Well, that's my Danny Rose story.

 3°9

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

corbett's voice-over Unbelievable.

Howard's voice-over Fantastic.

sandy's voice-over The man is a living legend. Do you know

that only sixmonths ago, they gave him the single greatest
honor you can get in the Broadway area?

Howard's voice-over Why? What's that?

sandy's voice-over Look at the menu. At this very delicates-

sen, they named a sandwich after him. The Danny Rose
special.

morty's voice-over Oh, sure. Probably a cream cheese on a

bagel with marinara sauce.
The film fades to black. White credits appear on the black screen as the
comics continue to talk and laugh and remember Danny Rose.

Howard's voice-over He deserves it, he deserves it.

will's voice-over Yeah.

jackie's voice-over No.

sandy's voice-over Did you ever go to one of his Thanksgiv-

ing parties?

jack's voice-over Once.

sandy's voice-over Anybody go? Did you go?

Howard's voice-over One, one time.

will's voice-over I went, yes.

jack's voice-over Yeah, yeah, where they, where they have

the frozen turkey, right?

Howard's voice-over Yes. Sorry.

 3™
THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

corbett's voice-over Economical, but a lot of laughs, lot of

laughs, lot of laughs.

will's voice-over Cranberry sauce made like a rocket.

Howard's voice-over You have to dethaw the corn. (Laughs)

corbett's voice-over Ah, it was incredible.

morty's voice-over Listen.

ONE OF THE COMICS' VOICE-OVER What?

Jackie's voice-over Nice . . . (Trails off)

morty's voice-over Excuse me. Before we go any further . . .

sandy's voice-over Huh?

morty's voice-over . . . may I ask you a favor?

sandy's voice-over Sir.

morty's voice-over Can we go home now? I'm tired.

sandy's voice-over Oh, what are you talking about?

will's voice-over We're having laughs. What a time to go

home.

sandy's voice-over I haven't seen you in a hundred and ten

years. Stay.

morty's voice-over Let's go home. Let me tell you here, I

have to go to Atlantic City tomorrow.

corbett's voice-over I'll get the check. I'll take care of it.

Howard's voice-over Hold it.

one of the comics' voice-over Oh, really?!

Jackie's voice-over Yeah, yeah . . . (Trails off)

 3ii

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

ONE OF THE COMICS' VOICE-OVER WhoOpS.

Sandy's voice-over Oh, a national holiday. Corbett has the

check. My, my.

Howard's voice-over Maybe you could get a discount.

corbett's voice-over Oh, but for these kinds of laughs, I fig-

ure it's worth the price.

morty's voice-over Well, we'll do it again tomorrow.

As the remaining credits pop on and off the screen, "Agita" begins to

play, changing midway through the credits to "Funiculi, Funicula."

Cast Featured

The Comics
CORBETT MONICA WILL JORDAN
HOWARD STORM JACKIE GAYLE
MORTY GUNTY JACK ROLLINS
SANDY BARON

PAUL GRECO CRAIG VANDENBURGH

FRANK RENZULLI HERB REYNOLDS
OLGA BARBUTO GERALD SCHOENFELD
EDWIN BORDO SANDY RICHMAN
PETER CASTELLOTTI GINA DEANGELIS
MILTON BERLE

Music Supervisor
DICK HYMAN

"Agita" & "My Bambina" Written and Performed by

NICK APOLLO FORTE

Production Manager
FREDRIC B. BLANKFEIN
 3i2

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

First Assistant Director

THOMAS REILLY

Second Assistant Director

JAMES CHORY

Unit Production Manager

EZRA SWERDLOW

Location Coordinator
TIMOTHY MARSHALL BOURNE

Additional Second Assistant Directors

LES BANDA
JONATHAN FILLEY

Set Director LES BLOOM

Chief Set Director DAVE WEINMAN
Set Dresser KEVIN MCCARTHY
Master Scenic Artist JAMES SORICE
Production Coordinator HELEN ROBIN
Script Supervisor KAY CHAPIN
Production Associate GAIL SICILIA
Camera Operator DICK MINGALONE
Assistant Cameraman DOUGLAS C. HART
Second Assistant Cameraman BAB PAONE
Still Photographer BRIAN HAMILL
Production Sound Mixer JAMES SABAT
Boom Man LOUIS SABAT
Sound Recordist FRANK GRAZIADEI
Accordion Soloist DOMINIC CORTESE
Re-Recording Mixer RICHARD DIOR
trans/audio INC.
Music Recording Engineer ROY B. YOKELSON
NATIONAL RECORDING STUDIOS, INC.
Key Grip BOB WARD
 3'3

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

Dolly Grip RONALD BURKE

Construction Grip ARNE OLSEN
Gaffer RAY QUINLAN
Best Boy JAMES FITZPATRICK
Property Master JAMES MAZZOLA
Property Man KENNETH VOGT
Makeup Design FERN BUCHNER
Hair Design ROMAINE GREENE
Assistant to Mr. Kurland TOM MCKINLEY
Men's Wardrobe Supervisor BILL CHRISTIANS
Woman's Wardrobe Supervisor PATRICIA EIBEN
Assistant Production Coordinator TODD MICHAEL THALER
Assistant to Mr. Allan JANE MARTIN
Art Department Coordinator JOAN LOPATE
Casting Associate PAULA HEROLD
Extras Casting NAVARRO BERTONI CASTING
Sound Effects HASTINGS SOUND EDITORIAL, INC.
Supervising Sound Editor DON SABLE
Assistant Sound Editor LYNN SABLE
Apprentice Sound Editor NEIL WENGER
Assistant Film Editors JEFFREY STERN
RICHARD NORD
Apprentice Film Editor A. DEAN BELL
Transportation Captain WILLIAM CURRY
DGA Trainee CARL KABAT
Studio Manager JAMES GREENHUT
Production Staff JAMES A. DAVIS
JOSEPH PIERSON
NICHOLAS BERNSTEIN
LEE GOTTSEGEN
TOM SWERDLOW
Location Auditor JOSEPH HARTWICK
Assistant Location Auditor PETER LOMBARDI
Production Accountant AMY LUBCHANSKY
 3H
THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

Insurance albert g. ruben insurance co., inc.

Dailies Processing du art laboratories
Release Prints deluxe laboratories
Optical Effects cinopticals
Titles THE OPTICAL HOUSE N.Y.
Negative Matching j . g film s
.

Projectionist carl turnquest

The Producers Gratefully Acknowledge and Wish

To Thank the Following for Their Assistance:
Lenses and Panaflex® Cameras by Panavision®
Charles Ross, Inc.
General Camera Corp.
Empire Custom Coach for Constructing
Automobile Rig
Messmore & Damon, Inc.
Variety Scenic Studios

And Also Thank:

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
Mayor's Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting
The New York State Office of
Motion Picture and Television Development
The New Jersey Motion Picture
and Television Commission

The Cast
WOODY ALLEN Danny Rose
MIA FARROW Tina Vitale
NICK APOLLO FORTE Lou Canova
SANDY BARON Himself
CORBETT MONICA Himself
JACKIE GAYLE Himself
MORTY GUNTY Himself
WILL JORDAN Himself
 3^5

BROADWAY DANNY ROSE

HOWARD STORM Himself

JACK ROLLINS Himself
MILTON BERLE Himself
CRAIG VANDENBURGH Ray Webb
HERB REYNOLDS Barney Dunn
PAUL GRECO Vito Rispoli

FRANK RENZULLI Joe Rispoli

EDWIN BORDO Johnny Rispoli

GINA DEANGELIS Johnny's Mother

PETER CASTELLOTTI Hood at Warehouse
SANDY RICHMAN Teresa
GERALD SCHOENFELD Sid Bacharach
OLGA BARBATO Angelina
DAVID KISSELL Phil Chomsky
GLORIA PARKER Water Glass Virtuoso
BOB & ETTA ROLLINS Balloon Act
BOB WEIL Herbie Jayson
DAVID KIESERMAN Ralph, Club Owner
MARK HARDWICK Blind Xylophonist
ALBA BALLARD Bird Lady
MAURICE SHROG Hypnotist
BELLE BERGER Lady in Trance
HERSCHEL ROSEN Lady's Husband
JOE FRANKLIN Himself
CECILIA AMERLING Fan in Dressing Room
MAGGIE RANONE Lou's Daughter
CHARLES D'AMODIO Lou's Son

JOIE GALLO Angelina's Assistant

CARL PISTILLI Tommy's Brother
LUCY IACONO Tommy's Mother
JULIABARBUTO Tropical Fish Lady
NICHOLAS PANTANO Greeter at Party
ROCCO PANTANO Greeter at Party
TONY TURCA Rocco
 3 .6

THREE FILMS OF WOODY ALLEN

GILDA TORTERELLO Annie

RONALD MACCONE Vincent
ANTOINETTE RAFFONE Vincent's Wife

MICHAEL BADALUCCO Money Ripper

RICHARD LANZANO Money Ripper
DOM MATTEO Carmine
CAMILLE SAVIOLA Lady at Party
SHEILA BOND Lady at Party
BETTY ROSOTTI Lady at Party
HOWARD COSELL Himself
JOHN DOUMANIAN Waldorf Manager
GARY REYNOLDS Manager's Friend
DIANE ZOLTEN Fan at Waldorf
WILLIAM PAULSON Fan at Waldorf
GEORGE AXLER Fan at Waldorf
LEO STEINER Deli Owner

The story, all names, characters and incidents

portrayed in this production are fictitious.

No identification with actual persons is intended

or should be inferred.

This motion picture is protected under the laws

of the United States and other countries and its

unauthorized distribution or exhibition may result in

severe liability and criminal prosecution.

(emblem) (i.a.t.s.e. emblem)

MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA
Approved No. 2691

"Broadway Danny Rose" Copyright © Orion Pictures Co.

mcmlxxxiv All rights reserved

AN ORION PICTURES Release