Week 8 Notes

Points: 30
Due: Tuesday, 10/15/24 by 11:59PM PST
Directions:
To complete this assignment, take notes by hand, or print and annotate, the following
pages in the Week 8 Module:

● The Writing Process: Focus on Organization

● The Writing Process: Focus on Development

● Thesis Statements – Considering Order of Ideas with a Complex Prompt

The Writing Process: Focus on Organization
When we talk about how an essay is organized, we can think of it in two ways by
asking:

(1) Is the essay unified?

(2) Is the essay coherent?

When we think of a unified essay, we generally think about the essay’s “big” ideas,
those found in the thesis and topic sentences. In other words, we are looking at the
essay from a macro lens. For an essay to be considered unified, it must:

1. Discuss all of the “big” ideas found in the thesis.

2. Discuss all of the “big” ideas found in the thesis in the same order as they are
stated in the thesis.

3. All topic sentences must directly point to the thesis (“mirrors” the thesis by using
the same keywords) to help demonstrate numbers 1 and 2 above.

While having a unified essay is a higher order concern, checking or double checking to
make sure all three criteria above are met, can be relatively easy.

First, copy and paste your thesis or thesis outline (or both!), onto a blank
Word or Google doc page.

Second, color code your thesis according to topic, point(s), and reasons.

Example:

Thesis: Cats make great pets because they are independent and provide
companionship.

Third, copy and paste the topic sentence from every body paragraph
below your thesis in the same order they appear in your essay currently.

Example:

Thesis: Cats make great pets because they are independent and provide
companionship.
 Topic Sentence 1: Independence is the first thing that makes a cat a great
pet.

Topic Sentence 2: The second thing that makes a cat a great pet is that it
provides companionship to its human and other pets in the house.

Next, color code your topic sentences in the same way you color-coded
your thesis.

Example:

Thesis: Cats make great pets because they are independent and provide
companionship

Topic Sentence 1: Independence is the first thing that makes a cat

a great pet.

Topic Sentence 2: The second thing that makes a cat a great pet is
that it provides companionship to its human and other pets in the
house.

Finally, review your thesis and topic sentences and ask yourself:

● Does my thesis contain a clear topic, point(s), and reasons?

In the example above, we can see that all three elements are contained in
the thesis.

● Does every topic sentence “mirror” the thesis by using the same key
words?

In the example above, we can see that the topic and point are repeated in
each topic sentence along with one reason. While they are stated
differently, the key words remain consistent.

● Do the main ideas in the topic sentences (usually the reason being
discussed) appear in the same order as they appear in the thesis?

In the example above, “independence” is the first reason given; therefore,

it should be the focus of the first topic sentence and “provides
companionship” should be the focus of topic sentence 2. In review, we can
see that this organizational pattern is consistent with what was promised
in the thesis.
If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you may need to make some
changes. If you realize your topic sentences are not “mirroring” your thesis, you can
spend a little time identifying keywords and then revising the topic sentence. If you
realize you discuss main ideas not stated in your thesis, you can revise your thesis to
include those ideas. If you realize your ideas are discussed out of order, you can:

(1) use this space to rearrange your topic sentences so you know how to
update the paragraphs in your essay, or

(2) you can revise your thesis to match the organization in your topic
sentences.

If unity is looking at the “big” picture ideas of an essay (the macro), then coherence is
looking at the essay idea-by-idea (sentence-to-sentence and paragraph-to-paragraph -
the micro).

Okay, before moving on, let’s do a little review.

Remember:

● Every sentence contains at least one complete idea; many sentences contain
multiple complete ideas. Because of this, we have to look for ideas, not just
sentences; otherwise, we run the risk of not seeing all of the ideas in a sentence
that has multiple complete ideas within it (this sentence, for example, has three
ideas within it).

● One of our jobs as academic writers is to connect the dots for readers. We
cannot assume that readers will intuit how ideas are connected, so we have to
add and explain the connections for them.

Both ideas above are about relationships. If a sentence contains one idea, it must be
clear to the reader why and how it is connected to the sentence prior to it and after it. If
a sentence contains multiple ideas within it, then it must be clear how the ideas directly
relate to each other and also the ideas that are found within the sentence prior to it and
after it.

The second relationship to consider here is the one between the writer and
reader. By clearly illustrating the relationship between ideas, the writer can earn the
trust of the reader (one way a writer appeals to ethos).
Why are these two “rules” of academic writing and relationships important
(especially because all of it can seem a little overwhelming to consider while
writing)?

When we keep those two things in mind, we can make choices that allow us to present
ideas in a logical and easy-to-follow manner; in other words, telling readers how two
adjacent ideas are related and why you decided to connect them here is connecting the
dots for them.

So, how do we connect the dots?

When looking at our ideas, we can ask ourselves:

● Is the relationship about a sequence of time or is it an order of

events?

e.g. “First, I opened the textbook and reviewed the Header to see if there
were any context clues in the title. Second, I looked at where and when it was
published to help me get a sense of who the audience may be. Finally, I …”

● Is the relationship supporting a previous idea?

e.g. “For example, the author demonstrates the use of alliteration when
they….”

● Is the relationship about significance or importance?

e.g. “A main idea to consider is…”

Within each of these examples, we can see the use of either a signal word or phrase
or a transitional word or phrase. The phrases (first, second, third, For example, A
main idea) signify to the reader how the next idea is related to the previous idea.

Knowing this, we can see the first step to creating coherence: Include signal and
transitional words and phrases between ideas and adjacent sentences.

Creating Coherence: Transitions

In addition, to create coherence we have to consider how to transition from the main
idea in one paragraph to the next big idea in the subsequent paragraph. Again, we can
consider the relationship between these big ideas. We need to ask ourselves:
 Is the next paragraph providing additional support or examples to the “big”
idea from the previous paragraph, or is it moving on to a new “big” idea from the
thesis?

If the next paragraph provides additional support or examples, then we can use
transitional phrases/sentences, either at the end of the first paragraph or at the
beginning of the next, that tell the reader we are continuing the current idea but with a
new example.

e.g. “A second example of how cats provide companionship is to watch

cats become friends with other pets in the house.”

If the next paragraph is moving onto a new “big” idea, then your transition will help
connect the two ideas while clearly indicating that you are moving onto the next.

e.g. “While independence is important and provides freedom for cat

owners, especially those who like to travel, even more importantly, cats make
great pets because of the companionship they provide.”

By including transitional words, phrases, and sometimes sentences either at the

beginning of or end of a paragraph, you are meeting the second step in creating
coherence:

Include signal or transitional words, phrases, or sentences between

paragraphs (main ideas).

When an essay is both unified and coherent, the essay will often be described as
organized because it is easy to follow the ideas being presented; all dots have been
connected for readers.

Another way to look at this: when an essay is unified and coherent, the writer is
successfully creating both an appeal to ethos (making sure the reader will trust them)
and an appeal to logos (the message is organized and easy to understand). While
there are more ways than this to create both of those appeals, this is one important way
to do so.
 The Writing Process: Focus on Development
On the previous pages we discussed the importance of creating unity and coherence by
connecting dots for readers. When doing so, we were mainly focused on the order of
the ideas being presented and illustrating the relationships between those ideas.

Another important way to connect the dots for readers is to make sure all ideas have
been fully explained.

First, we need to make sure we have provided context for readers. This means we
need to spend some time doing the following:

1. Providing background or history about a topic. This may mean providing a

summary of an event or a text, providing information about a person or a
writer/speaker, or providing a discussion of why the topic is going to be
discussed.

2. Introducing sources so readers know where and why you are using the quotes
and evidence you have included.

○ This may mean we need to use a TAG (title, author, genre) statement or
intro clause in front of a quote or other evidence to signify where it came
from and that the original source is trustworthy. In the example below,
more than just the TAG information is included. This is because the writer
wants to make sure that the reader knows that the speaker of the video is
considered an expert in the topic.

e.g. In her video, “How to Use Rhetoric to Get What You Want,”
Camille Langston, Professor of Rhetoric at St. Mary’s College, said,
“Insert quote here…” (2:35).

3. Defining terms and concepts. Because we cannot be sure that our readers
have access to the exact same knowledge or sources we have (although there
are times where this may be true), we must make sure they understand the terms
and concepts we are referring to and that they understand the term or concept in
the same way as we do.
 4. Next, we have to make sure we have fully explained the evidence we
selected. To make sure we have fully explained it, we have to double check that
we have:
○ Explained what it means in our own words. Whether we are including a
direct quote, data, statistics, or other forms of evidence, unless you have
already paraphrased it, you must restate the meaning of the evidence in
your own words. We cannot assume that a reader will understand the
quote or data or statistic without this explanation.
○ Explained why it is important. In addition to explaining what the
evidence means, we must also explain its significance. Is it important
because it is making a specific point? Is it important because we need the
information for context? Is it important because it directly supports or
illustrates the main idea in the topic sentence, and if so, how?

○ Explained how it connects to the “big” picture ideas of the essay.

Sometimes, we must explain how a piece of evidence supports the topic
sentence, and sometimes we must go further than that and also explain
how it supports the main point of the thesis.

By providing context for readers and creating a full discussion around all of the evidence
and examples we select to include, we are making sure our essays are fully developed
for readers. Similar to creating unity and coherence, fully developing ideas can help
build an appeal to ethos and logos thereby helping readers to better understand the
ideas and how they connect to each other.

Okay, I know this was a lot. Feel free to go back to these pages if you need to. I
certainly don’t expect you to understand this perfectly or to demonstrate these skills
perfectly the first time. This is why we have prewriting, drafts, and peer reviews so other
eyes can help you identify areas that may need a little work.

What I would like you to do now is to keep these concepts in mind as you review the
Unit 2 Essay prompt and then begin your essay prewriting.
 Thesis Statements:
Considering the Order of Ideas with a Complex Prompt
When faced with a complex prompt – one that asks a writer to include multiple points –
then we may need to consider our thesis in a new way. For example, our Unit 2 prompt
is asking writers to do two main things:

1. Make a point about which appeal (logos, ethos, pathos) the selected text is
creating and how it is created.

2. Make a point about whether the speaker or writer is interrogating the system of
education to support it or challenge it.

To do this, we need to develop a thesis that covers both points. This presents us as
academic writers with a specific challenge:

How do I include all the information I need in a way that still provides my
reader with direction?

Remember, direction allows readers to anticipate what will be discussed and the order
ideas will be discussed in. This means we need to really plan out the ideas in our essay
ahead of time.

To do this, we may need to first identify the two points we want to make and the
reasons in support of each, which may be different. One way to do this is to first break
the two apart and treat them separately, at least initially. For example, I might create
two thesis outlines or charts, one for each point. (note: what follows is a model – my
expectation is that you will develop your own ideas – points and reasons).

Outline Example:

Topic: “The Black Bruins”

Point 1: creates strong appeal to logos (answers: what kind of appeal did
they create?)

Reasons for point 1: uses allusion and rhetorical questions (answers:

how did the author/speaker create the appeal?)

Point 2: challenges system enacted at UCLA (answers: why did the

writer/speaker use the appeal?)
 Reasons for point 2: questioning why limited black student enrollment
and success, calls into question behavior of leaders at UCLA (answers:
what or why did they challenge the system?)

Thesis Chart Example:

Once you have determined both points and reasons, the next challenge we need to
consider as writers is which point (and its reasons) should logically come first. In other
words, for this essay for example, should you first discuss how the writer or speaker
created their appeal and then discuss how they did so to interrogate the system – or –
should you discuss what they were interrogating and then use how they created their
appeal to demonstrate this? Either option works, as well as others; the important thing
to keep in mind at this point is to decide which you believe as the writer makes
the most sense to you. Once you’ve made a choice here, then you can write your
thesis in sentence form (remember: a thesis can, and in this case likely should, be more
than one sentence).

A final thought, whether or not you choose to write your thesis in sentence form at this
point, what is more important is that you determine which point you want to discuss first.
Making this organizational decision will allow you to construct your detailed
outline/graphic organizer/diagram. In other words, your thesis outline or chart can allow
you to construct a rough outline of ideas and what the working topic sentences should
be.

Determining topic sentences (or sections) at this stage allows you to create a quick
skeleton of your essay so that you can fill in the details.
For example, using the sample thesis from the last page, I might decide to discuss the
appeal and how it was constructed first, and then discuss how I think the speaker
challenges the US's cultural values of education and empowerment..

Thesis Outline Example:

Topic: “The Black Bruins”

Point 1: creates strong appeal to logos

Reasons set 1: uses allusion and rhetorical questions

Point 2: challenges educational system enacted at UCLA

Reasons set 2: questioning why limited black student enrollment and

success, calls into question behavior of leaders at UCLA

From this thesis outline, I can create a detailed outline. Keep in mind, this assumes the
writer completed prewriting in which they already generated ideas for each reason.

Example detailed outline:

*Please note, most of what I included is a placeholder that identifies the type of
information I might need to include. When you work on your outline, you must add
the actual information you intend to include. Also, what follows is a model – my
expectation is that you will develop your own ideas – points and reasons – for this
assignment when you begin working on your prewriting for this essay.

I. Introduction

A. Hook

B. Background/context (because I have so much to cover here, I may need a

multi-paragraph introduction – this means my thesis will appear at the end
of the last intro paragraph); the kinds of ideas you might introduce here
include:

1. Overview of video

2. Overview of rhetorical appeals

3. Overview of myth of education and empowerment

C. Thesis (see above outline)

 II. The first way Stokes creates an appeal to logos is through the use of allusions.

A. Define allusion

B. Example 1 from the video

1. Context

2. Why it is important

3. Why it is an example of an allusion

4. How it creates an appeal to logos

C. Example 2 from the video

1. Context

2. Why it is important

3. Why it is an example of an allusion

4. How it creates an appeal to logos

III. The second way Stokes creates an appeal to logos is through the use of
rhetorical questions

A. Define rhetorical questions

B. Example 1 from the video

1. Context

2. Why it is important

3. Why it is an example of a rhetorical question

4. How it creates appeal to logos

C. Example 2 from the video

1. Context

2. Why it is important

3. Why it is an example of a rhetorical question

 4. How it creates appeal to logos

IV. By creating an appeal to logos, Stokes is able to challenge the educational

system at UCLA by focusing on limited black student enrollment and success at
UCLA

A. Remind readers about US cultural understanding of education

B. Example from the video

1. Context

2. Why it is important

3. How it challenges US cultural value of education

V. By creating an appeal to logos, Stokes is able to challenge the educational

system at UCLA by showing the problematic behavior of UCLA’s leaders.

A. Example from the video

1. Context

2. Why it is important

3. How it challenges myth

VI. Conclusion

This entire outline drew from the specific ideas I generated from my exploratory
prewriting and the ideas I outlined in my thesis. By drawing from our original thesis
outline/chart and our detailed outline, we can see several things:

● If the information is being presented in a logical and easy-to-follow order. If

I, as the writer, cannot see the direct connections between these ideas, then it is
likely I will not be able to convey this clearly for readers. This gives me a chance
to play with the organizational pattern BEFORE drafting. This can save a lot of
time and aggravation when I get to the drafting stage.

● If there’s enough information to support each idea or if I need to find

additional textual evidence.

● If the essay is both unified and coherent.

Okay, now that you have a sense of how to approach this prompt, which is asking for a
bit more than the Unit 1 Essay did, let’s give it a try for ourselves! On the next page, you
have a choice to create your own exploratory and planning prewriting, or you can elect
to use the guided prewriting that you will find in the second half of the assignment. You
do not need to complete both – either create your own prewriting or complete the
guided prewriting.