Chapter 5

The Quiet Ego: Concept, Measurement,

and Well-Being

Heidi A. Wayment and Jack J. Bauer

Abstract This chapter shows how the qualities of a quiet ego counter the egotism
of the noisy ego. Far from a squashed, deflated, or silenced ego, the quiet ego comes
from a place of non-defensive strength. The quiet ego is a self-identity nurtured
through deliberate reflection and endorsement of four values that promote balance
and growth: detached awareness, inclusive identification, perspective-taking, and
growth-mindedness. A quieter ego is a compassionate and regulated ego—a self-­
identity that strengthens thoughts, feelings, and behavior congruent with eudai-
monic well-being. In this chapter, we describe the concept of quiet ego, its
measurement, and its application to finding meaning and well-being in everyday
life.

When people who are tolerably fortunate in their outward lot do not find in life sufficient
enjoyment to make it valuable to them, the cause generally is caring for nobody but them-
selves. John Stuart Mill (1861)

The quiet ego transcends egotism. The noisy ego exudes egotism. The quiet ego
balances the needs of the self and others, with a concern for the development of the
self and others over time. The noisy ego tends only to the needs of the egocentric
self, and then primarily as perceived in the present moment. The quiet ego, relative
to the noisy ego, corresponds to various measures of happiness, well-being, and
prosocial concern (Kesebir, 2014; Wayment, Bauer, & Sylaska, 2015; see the vari-
ous chapters of Wayment & Bauer, 2008). Some people exhibit a quiet ego rela-
tively more than others do, and some situations elicit a quiet ego relatively more
than others do. In this chapter, we outline the multifaceted qualities of the quiet ego,
how they are measured, and how they correspond to well-being. In short, the quiet
ego is likely to have a happy mind, and the happy mind is likely to have a quiet ego.

H.A. Wayment (*)

Department of Psychological Sciences, Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff, AZ, USA
e-mail: [email protected]
J.J. Bauer
Department of Psychology, University of Dayton, Dayton, OH, USA

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 77

M.D. Robinson, M. Eid (eds.), The Happy Mind: Cognitive Contributions to
Well-Being, DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-58763-9_5
78 H.A. Wayment and J.J. Bauer

What Is a Quiet Ego?

The ideas behind a quiet ego are not new. We introduced the term quiet ego as an
umbrella category for a range of psychological constructs that converge on the tran-
scendence of egotism (Wayment & Bauer, 2008). These constructs have long theo-
retical histories in the field of psychology and span a range of psychological
disciplines, including social, personality, developmental, cognitive, and clinical
psychology (for an overview of historical background on a quiet ego and ego gener-
ally, see Bauer & Wayment, 2008).
When a person’s ego is quiet, that person is motivated and able (1) to take others’
perspectives, (2) to identify with others who are not just like oneself, (3) to attend to
a situation without defensiveness, and (4) to view a situation as an opportunity for
prosocial development. We summarize this list of four motives and abilities as four
characteristics of a quiet ego: detached awareness, inclusive identity, perspective-­
taking, and growth-mindedness. We elaborate on these four characteristics in the
next section. These characteristics, in combination, enable the person to promote
the present and longer-term welfare of the self and others in two ways: (1) to bal-
ance the concerns of the self and others both conceptually and emotionally and (2)
to foster the development of both the self and others.
The quiet ego is not a squashed, deflated, or silenced ego. Nor does a quiet ego
involve a disregard for one’s immediate self-interest. Instead, the transcendence of
egotism involves the balancing of self-interest with concerns for others as well as
the interpreting of one’s immediate situation within a context of development over
time. In contrast, the noisy ego is characterized by excessive self-focus and height-
ened sense of self-importance, often accompanied by a clamoring for attention,
approval, or other such validations of one’s worth. A noisy ego can increase percep-
tions of threat, exacerbate defensiveness, and create problems for the self and others
over time (Wayment & Bauer, 2008).
As a characteristic of personality, the quiet ego is not a broad disposition like the
big-five traits; it is not a supertrait that captures a range of related traits. However, if
any one such supertrait corresponds to the quiet ego, it would be humility (Exline,
2008; Kesebir, 2014). Humility functions as one of the big-six traits in the HEXACO
model (Ashton & Lee, 2009), where “H” stands for honesty/humility. Humility is
not humiliation, just as a quiet ego is not a squashed ego. Rather, humility involves
a general tendency to appraise events and the self honestly, with balanced assess-
ments of the self and others, and not boosting one’s self-image (e.g., via self-­
enhancement) at the expense of others.
Instead of functioning as a broad trait, the quiet ego functions as a characteristic
adaptation (McAdams, 1995), a domain of personality that focuses on values and
motives. Whereas broad traits can be observed in a relatively brief slice of time
(e.g., Tackett, Herzhoff, Kushner, & Rule, 2016), a person’s characteristic adapta-
tions only become known upon knowing the person better, particularly by knowing
the person’s subjective reasons for action. Later, after introducing our measurement
of the quiet ego, we show how the quiet ego corresponds to other characteristic
5 Quiet Ego and Well-Being 79

adaptations, such as resilience, internal (rather than external) motivation, and gen-
erativity. Like other characteristic adaptations, the quiet ego orients and motivates
the person from a particular set of perspectives on the self, others, and time.

Characteristics of a Quiet Ego

We have defined and measured the quiet ego as having four characteristics:
perspective-­taking, inclusive identification, detached awareness, and growth-­
mindedness. We first posited these four characteristics (Bauer & Wayment, 2008) in
order to stimulate an empirically informed dialogue about the basic components of
the quiet ego. Our rationale was that these represented areas had each been studied
relatively independently, were each viewed as a state, a trait, or a skill that could be
intentionally cultivated, and that, either individually or collectively, could be found
at the root of most topics that we believed fell under the “quiet ego” umbrella term.
We posit that these four characteristics yield two broad qualities of the self in rela-
tion to others over time: balance between the concerns of the self and others and
growth of the self (and others too) over time. In this section, we detail these four
characteristics as operationally defined in the Quiet Ego Scale and in relation to bal-
ance and growth.
Balance Balance refers to the conceptual consideration of the concerns of both the
self and others—a weighing of psychosocial concerns that keep both the problems
of excessive egotism and excessive moralism, among other things, in check. All four
characteristics of a quiet ego facilitate this kind of balance. As an experience, bal-
ance is a sense of comfort, equanimity, stability, or moral justification that one feels
from knowing that one has considered not just the self but others as well—a feeling
that is as much about hedonic satisfaction as about eudaimonic virtue. Perspective-­
taking and inclusive identification represent cognitive principles of differentiation
and integration, respectively. Perspective-taking involves the capacity to consider
other people’s points of view and has long been known to be an important facilitator
of empathy (Batson, Early, & Salvarini, 1997; Davis, 1996). Inclusive identification
involves a cognitive perspective that integrates the self and others. However, this
integration is not merely the conformity of blindly identifying with one’s group.
Rather, inclusive identification involves an interdependent view of the self and oth-
ers as mutually associated (not only in appearance but also epistemologically) while
simultaneously autonomous agents in that association (see interdependence as a
feature of ego development – Loevinger, 1976). In tandem, perspective-taking and
inclusive identification facilitate the quiet-ego feature of psychosocial balance, par-
ticularly as they increase the likelihood of cooperation and dampen self-protective
motives against others (Montoya & Pittinsky, 2011).
Detached awareness shares some features with popular conceptions of mindful-
ness as an ability to restrict judgment of the self and others (Brown & Ryan, 2003;
Siegel, 2007) except that detached awareness is neither focused on discrete sensory
80 H.A. Wayment and J.J. Bauer

experiences in the immediate moment nor tied to a meditative practice. Instead,

detached awareness is a form of attention that is characterized by an engaged, less
defensive orientation to present activity, focused on whatever has been chosen to be
the object of thought. Detached awareness clears a space to examine the self and
others dispassionately—critically yet not judgmentally—which can then further
facilitate perspective-taking and interdependence (Lindsay & Creswell, 2015) as
well as a sense of equanimity and balance.
Finally, growth-mindedness involves a mindset (Dweck, 1999) or motivation
(Bauer, Park, Montoya, & Wayment, 2015) to view a given event as an opportunity
for personal growth. This growth may be one’s own or that of another person, as in a
concern for generativity (Erikson, 1968). Perspective-taking and inclusive identifica-
tion deal with the self and others in psychosocial space, but growth-mindedness deals
with the self and others over time. Events and people are viewed from an organismic
perspective, assumed not to exist permanently as they appear in the present but rather
to be evolving from conditions in the past to the present and into the future. In the
long tradition of organismic theory, any one developmental advance starts with dis-
equilibration and ends with balance or equilibration (Goldstein, 1939; Piaget, 1970).
Growth Whereas growth-mindedness refers to a subjective concern for (i.e., a per-
sonal valuing of) personal growth, “growth” here refers to the attainment of growth
over time (Bauer & McAdams, 2010). Perspective-taking and inclusive identifica-
tion, as processes of differentiation and integration in psychosocial space, facilitate
growth. For example, in Erik Erikson’s (1968) theory, identity development involves
the differentiation and integration of characteristics of the self and others, resulting
in one’s coming to understand and identify with an increasingly wider scope of
people in one’s psychosocial world (Erikson, 1968).
Detached awareness, coupled with acceptance, fosters personal growth (Lindsay
& Creswell, 2015). With detached awareness, one attends in a way that is not
accompanied by social comparisons and other self-image-protecting thoughts, a
thought process that provides some distance from the “self” which could enhance
wisdom (Kross & Grossman, 2012). In addition to an ability to focus one’s attention
on the moment, detached awareness also allows for an individual to dispassionately
review early thought and action. Such a review could allow for the opportunity to
revise initial impressions or conclusions (cf. Langer, 1989), develop a wider reper-
toire of regulatory strategies, and monitor, accept, and evaluate feedback, consistent
with regulatory flexibility (Bonanno & Burton, 2013).
Growth-mindedness views a given situation in terms of how that situation might
serve as an opportunity for personal growth over time—and then not just for the self
but for others as well. Personal growth here is defined not in terms of mere gain,
positive outcomes, or getting whatever one wants but rather in terms of eudaimonic,
humanistic, and organismic development (Bauer & McAdams, 2010). Detached
awareness and growth complement each other. Both are focused on processes as
they unfold, rather than evaluations of the products that any one action produces,
corresponding with our organismic perspective which values the self and others not
merely for their products but also for their processes.
5 Quiet Ego and Well-Being 81

Measurement: The Quiet Ego Scale

We theorized that a measure of “quiet ego” would be optimized if thought of as a

latent construct, a relatively abstract idea that cannot be directly measured but rather
inferred from what the four quiet ego characteristics have in common (see Bono &
Judge, 2003 for similar rationale for measurement of core self-evaluations). The
relative quietness or noisiness of the ego is a function of how the individual inter-
prets the self and others—with mindful awareness in a psychosocially integrated,
compassionate, and growth-oriented manner.
One of the benefits of a measure of quiet ego is that it ties together principles of
humane psychological functioning that are found in the world’s wisdom traditions
and in humanistic psychology with principles of modern psychological science,
which are built on a more empirical foundation. For instance, the four quiet ego
characteristics that we have described relate closely to a recently proposed human-
istic model of spiritual growth (Kass, 2015), such as behavioral self-regulation
through mindfulness, cognitive understanding of human suffering that supports
social justice, social–emotional development of compassion toward the self and
others, and a focus on maturation in the face of life’s difficulties. Although there are
many existing measures that tap one or possibly two of the quiet ego characteristics,
none tap all, nor the conceptual overlap that we have argued comprises a quiet ego.
Thus, we developed a brief measure called the Quiet Ego Scale (QES) that
consists of 14-items that at the theoretical intersection of the four characteristics of
a quiet ego. Items for the scale were drawn from four published scales: MAAS
(Brown & Ryan, 2003), Allo-Inclusive Identity Scale (Leary, Tipsord, & Tate,
2008), Davis Interpersonal Reactivity Index (perspective-taking subscale – Davis,
1983) and Psychological Well-Being (personal growth subscale– Ryff, 1989). The
QES yields a single score with internal reliabilities that consistently range between
.76 and .80, with average inter-item correlations that typically range between .15
and .20, consistent with it being a measure of a broad, higher-order construct
(Clark & Watson, 1995) (see Table 5.1 for scale items).
The QES correlates significantly with four of the Big Five traits (extraversion,
openness to experience, conscientiousness, and agreeableness), and honesty/humil-
ity (Ashton & Lee, 2009, Exline, 2008; Kesebir, 2014). The QES also correlates
with characteristic adaptations that reflect a eudaimonic focus on meaning and com-
passion (Wayment et al., 2015), including generativity (McAdams & de St. Aubin,
1992), self-compassion (Neff, 2003), the presence of meaning in life (Steger et al.,
2006), resilience (Bartone, 2007), and savoring (Bryant & Smith, 2015; Bryant &
Veroff, 2007).
That the QES also correlates with well-being may come as no surprise, since
some of the QES items directly involve well-being. This fact reflects our
­understanding of a quiet ego as partly constituting fulfillments that are characteristic
of a quiet ego. Like subjective well-being, the development of a quiet ego in one’s
life rests on certain needs being met, whether biological and physical needs (Tay &
Diener, 2011) or psychological needs like competence and relatedness (Deci &
Ryan, 2000). These need fulfillments are essentially satisfactions of certain, desired
82 H.A. Wayment and J.J. Bauer

Table 5.1 Quiet ego scale items

1. I think it is important to have new experiences that challenge how you think about yourself
and the world.
2. I find myself doing things without paying much attention.a
3. I feel a connection to all living things.
4. Before criticizing somebody, I try to imagine how I would feel if I were in their place.
5. For me, life has been a continuous process of learning, changing, and growth.
6. I do jobs or tasks automatically, without being aware of what I’m doing.a
7. I feel a connection with strangers.
8. When I’m upset at someone, I usually try to put myself in his or her shoes for a while.
9. I have the sense that I have developed a lot as a person over time.
10. I rush through activities without being really attentive to them.a
11. I sometimes find it difficult to see things from another person’s point of view.a
12. I feel a connection to people of other races.
13. I try to look at everybody’s side of a disagreement before I make a decision.
14. When I think about it, I haven’t really improved much as a person over the years.a
Note. All items were assessed on a 5-point scale from 1 (Strongly Disagree) to 5 (Strongly Agree).
The QES reflects a mid-level construct and score should be comprised of all 14-items (e.g., single
score)
Items 2, 6, 10 (Mindful Attention and Awareness Scale, Brown & Ryan, 2003)
Items 3, 7, 12 (Allo-Inclusive Identity Scale, Leary et al., 2008)
Items 4, 8, 11, 13 (Perspective Taking, Davis, 1983)
Items 1, 5, 9, 14 (Personal Growth, Ryff, 1989)
a
Reverse-coded item
For more detail, see Wayment, Bauer, and Sylaska (2015)

meanings in life and thus tantamount to well-being (Bauer, in press). For example,
the self-reported presence of meaning in life correlates with well-being (Steger
et al., 2006), even though the MIL includes what are essentially items measuring
fulfillment of (i.e., well-being in) meaning (e.g., “I have discovered a satisfying life
purpose”). Similarly, the QES includes items dealing with the fulfillment of (or
well-being in) personal growth. So it is that the correlation between the QES and
well-being seems obvious, more a matter of construct validity than predictive inter-
est. The quiet ego is constitutive of well-being, to some degree.
As we see it, the value of the QES—as both a construct and a measure—is not its
ability to predict well-being, but rather to show those facets of well-being that cor-
respond to transcending self-interest. In turn, the importance of transcending self-­
interest lies in its capacity to facilitate human flourishing—which certainly involves
much more than merely one’s own pleasure and satisfaction—for both the self and
others. Similarly, far from being a catch-all measure of positivity, the quiet ego (and
the QES) focuses more specifically on the role of transcending self-interest. One
need only contrast the concepts of a quiet ego and self-enhancement to see the
difference.
To further validate that the QES reflects balance and growth motives, we
(Wayment & Bauer, under review) examined how the QES correlates with values
from Schwartz’s (1992, 2012) circumplex value model as well as an index of growth
motivation, the motivational component of growth-mindedness (Growth Motivation
5 Quiet Ego and Well-Being 83

Index, GMI; Bauer et al., 2015). As can be seen in Table 5.2, QES was most strongly
correlated with the values of universalism and benevolence, and self-direction, and
unrelated to conformity, and negatively related with power values (see Table 5.2 for
more detail). We found that QES was positively associated with higher-order value
clusters (e.g., combination of adjacent values in the circumplex model) of both self-­
focused values (self-enhancement, openness to change) and other-focused values
(self-transcendence, conservation), evidence that the quiet ego balances self- and
other concern. QES also correlated significantly with growth values (self-­
transcendence, openness to change) and was essentially unrelated with self-­
protection values (self-enhancement, conservation) (Table 5.2).

Table 5.2 Correlations between QES and values and motives (N = 1117)
Circumplex value model (Schwartz, 2012) 95% CIa
Power −.12** [−.19, −.05]
Achievement .18** [.12, .25]
Hedonism .06* [.01, .13]
Stimulation .19*** [.13, .25]
Self-direction .25*** [.19, .31]
Universalism .37*** [.32, .43]
Benevolence .36*** [.29, .41]
Tradition .13** [.07, .19]
Conformity .00 [−.06, .07]
Security .17** [.12, .24]
1st order value clusters
Self-enhancement values .03 [−.04, .09]
Self-transcendence values .40*** [.35, .46]
Openness to change values .25*** [.19, .31]
Conservation values .12** [.06, .19]
2nd order value clusters
Self-focused values .14*** [.08, .21]
Other-focused values .28*** [.23, .34]
2nd order value clusters
Self-protection values .06* [.00, .12]
Growth values .33*** [.27, .38]
Ego & ecosystem motives (Crocker & Canevello, 2010)
Self-image goals −.09* [−.15, −.03]
Compassionate goals .48*** [.43, .52]
Goal ratiob .42*** [.36, .47]
Growth motivation (Bauer et al., 2015)
Experiential growth motivation .45*** [.40, .49]
Reflection growth motivation .39*** [.33, .44]
Total score .53*** [.48, .57]
Notes: *p < .05, **p < .01, ***p < .001
a
95% CI estimated with 1000 bootstrapped samples
b
The ratio of compassionate to self-image goal use. Higher values reflect a greater ratio of compas-
sionate goals relative to self-image goals
84 H.A. Wayment and J.J. Bauer

Growth motivation is more than the belief one can change (as in incremental
theories – Dweck, Chiu, & Hong, 1995), but is an explicit desire to foster personal
growth (Bauer et al., 2015). The GMI’s experiential growth motivation scale repre-
sents the social-emotional and action-oriented desire for cultivating skills for per-
sonally meaningful activities and relationships. The reflective growth motivation
scale represents the social-cognitive (e.g., intellectual) desire for cultivating one’s
capacity for thinking complexly and integratively. Both scales independently pre-
dict personality characteristics that incorporate elements of well-being and matu-
rity, such as generative concern (Erikson, 1966; McAdams & de St. Aubin, 1992)
and self-actualization (Jones & Crandall, 1986; Maslow, 1968). In our large sample
of undergraduates, we found that the experiential and reflective subscales of GMI
predicted QES significantly and independently, suggesting that QES taps into dif-
ferent paths of eudaimonic development (see Table 5.1).

Quiet Ego: A Compassionate Self-Identity

Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion. When we focus on our-
selves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we
focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind
and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection - or compassionate
action. Daniel Goleman (2006)

One of the more compelling reasons that we believe quiet ego to be relevant to
eudaimonic well-being is its conceptual connection to compassion. In fact, in our
study outlining the QES, we refer to the quiet ego as “a compassionate self-identity”
(Wayment et al., 2015). Gilbert (2009) has written extensively about the character-
istic of a compassionate mindset and its importance to well-being. According to
Gilbert, the compassionate mind has an awareness of the needs of self and others
without judgment, the motivation to care, nurture, and promote well-being of self
and others, the ability to understand (empathy) and be moved (sympathy) by the
distress and joys of self and others, the ability to tolerate distress experienced by self
and others, and the ability to pursue these ideas with warmth, gentleness, and kind-
ness (Gilbert, 2009). Further, given the linkages between expressed compassion to
strengthened positive emotion and reduced stress reactivity (Jazaieri, et al., 2014;
Smeets, Neff, Alberts, & Peters, 2014), we think that the close link between quiet
ego and compassion is important.
One of the primary ways we have empirically examined whether QES is related
to compassionate mindset is to examine its correlates with compassion-related con-
structs. In several of our studies to date, QES is moderately related to self-­compassion
(Neff, 2003), generativity (McAdams & de St. Aubin, 1992), and (as described later
in this chapter) with empathy, care, and concern for others in distress (Wayment, in
progress). We have also been particularly interested in the relationship between
QES and what Crocker and colleagues call compassionate and self-image interper-
sonal goals (Canevello & Crocker, 2010, 2011, 2015). Compassionate interpersonal
goals are described as collaborative and less judgmental; goals that value the
5 Quiet Ego and Well-Being 85

well-­being of self and others. In several studies, Crocker and colleagues have found
that increased compassionate goal use is associated with more supportive relation-
ships and decreases in depression and anxiety (Crocker & Canevello, 2008, Crocker
et al., 2010).
In contrast to compassionate goals, self-image goals are primarily concerned
with defending desired self-images and prioritizing one’s own needs and desires.
Longitudinal studies of first-year college students find that use of self-image goals
is associated with multiple negative outcomes, including negative affect (fear, con-
fusion, depression, and anxiety) and problematic behavior. Crocker and colleagues’
research (as well as our own) consistently find a modest to moderate correlation
between the two interpersonal goals. We have consistently found QES to be posi-
tively associated with compassionate interpersonal goals, but unrelated or nega-
tively related to self-image goals (Craddock & Wayment, under review; Wayment &
Bauer, under review; Wayment, West, & Craddock, 2016).

Is the Quiet Ego a Happy Ego?

In a nutshell, and for the most part, the quiet ego is a happy ego. But not all features
of a quiet ego necessarily correspond to happiness, particularly when viewed in a
strictly hedonic sense. Happiness as hedonic well-being is essentially a matter of
experiencing pleasure and being satisfied with what one has in life (Diener et al.,
2006; Haybron, 2008). As we will see, the quiet ego corresponds to hedonic happi-
ness, e.g., through identifying with others and a sense of having grown. However,
other characteristics of a quiet ego, such as perspective-taking and critical self-­
reflection, may be less about pleasures than about virtues. In other words, the quiet
ego is not only about pleasure and satisfaction but also about the kind of well-being
that follows in the wake of eudaimonia, which includes concerns for others’ welfare
rather than just one’s own (e.g., Keyes, 1998) as well as for the development of
one’s potentials and skills (Annas, 2011) that may or may not yield hedonic happi-
ness in the immediate term. For instance, higher levels of ego development
(Loevinger, 1976) hold strong theoretical ties to a quiet ego, particularly with regard
to perspective-taking and inclusive identification, even though measures like ego
development typically do not correlate with well-being (Bauer, 2008). In the follow-
ing sections, we focus on some why a quiet ego may be positively related to
well-being.

Quiet Ego, Self-Control, and Well-Being

The relationship between self-regulation and well-being has been explored in many
contexts. Many of the chapters in this volume outline how self-regulation contrib-
utes to well-being and helps individuals handle adversity when it arises. Self-control
is related to several constructs related to quiet ego characteristics: self-compassion
86 H.A. Wayment and J.J. Bauer

(Terry & Leary, 2011), mindfulness (Bowlin & Baer, 2012; Brown, Ryan, &
Creswell, 2007; Feltman, Robinson & Ode, 2009; Howell & Buro, 2011; Wallace &
Shapiro, 2006), and empathy and perspective taking (Tangney, Baumeister, &
Boone, 2004). Because self-control arises from an ability to consider both self- and
others in the context of goal pursuit (Baumeister & Vohs, 2007), we have investi-
gated the relationship between our measure of quiet ego (QES) and self-control. In
two samples of college students (607 females, 194 males), we found QES was
related to self-control, largely explained by using compassionate goals (e.g., value
others’ well-being) more often than self-image (e.g., self-protection) goals (cf.
Crocker & Canevello, 2008).
These results suggest that the ability to balance self-focused and other-focused
goals is conducive to self-regulatory processes (Baumeister & Vohs, 2007), support-
ing other research that a reduced egoistic focus has a positive effect on self-­regulation
(Abelson, et al., 2014; Leary et al., 2006). In several studies, we have found that our
measure of quiet ego is not only associated with greater self-reported use of com-
passionate goals (compared to self-image goal use), but that it is the presence of
compassionate and other-focused goals that help contribute to self-control and
well-being.

Well-Being During Stressful Times

In this final section, we briefly discuss our work examining whether quiet ego, a
self-mode that balances self- and other-concerns and values growth, is helpful for
positive adaption to stressful life events.
Coping with the Transition to College The transition to college can be a particu-
larly stressful time in a young person’s life (Dyson & Renk, 2006; Pryor et al., 2010;
Ross, Neibling, & Heckert, 1999). Between 30–55% of college students report
greater than average levels of stress (ACHA, 2014; Regehr, Glancy, & Pitts, 2013),
with depression and anxiety the most common reactions. We collected data from
two samples during their first semester of college (N=372; 79% female, 21% male;
mean age = 18.00; N = 239, 69% female, 31% male; mean age = 18.49). QES was
associated with less perceived stress and greater life satisfaction, partially mediated
by self-control and self-compassion. Our models accounted for 35% of the variance
in perceived stress and 36% in life satisfaction. We tested the same model in our
second sample (one year later) with nearly identical results, the model accounting
for 27% of the variance in perceived stress and 29% in life satisfaction (Wayment,
West, & Craddock, 2016).
Compassion-based interventions have been shown to protect mental and physical
health (Gilbert & Procter, 2006; Klimecki, Leiberg, Lamm, & Singer, 2013; Roeser
& Pinela, 2014). We developed and tested a brief intervention that reminded new
college students of the four quiet ego characteristics. We identified and invited
female students in their first semester (first two weeks) of college who reported
using self-image goals more often than compassionate goals. Volunteers (N = 32)
5 Quiet Ego and Well-Being 87

were randomly assigned to one of three conditions and came to the lab three times
in approximately 30 days to listen to a 15-minute audio recording based on the four
quiet ego characteristics (see Wayment, Collier, Birkett, Traustadottir, & Till, 2015).
The Quiet Ego Contemplation (QEC) briefly described each quiet ego characteristic
followed by a few minutes of time to reflect on what that characteristic meant to
them. Compared to the other two conditions, women in the QEC condition reported
higher scores on QES and a measure of pluralistic thinking (Hurtato, et al., 2001;
perspective-taking, tolerance, openness to having views challenged and discuss
controversial issues, work cooperatively with diverse people), decreases in mind-­
wandering on a cognitive task, and decreases in oxidative stress, a marker of physi-
ological stress.
While preliminary, our results are promising and suggest that a brief intervention
based on the quiet ego construct may offer a simple cognitive strategy that individu-
als can use in their everyday lives (Wayment, Collier, Birkett, Traustadottir, and Till,
2015). We believe this brief cognitive intervention that makes growth and balance
values salient could be useful and are currently engaged with several research proj-
ects, including developing a simple smartphone application and embedding its use
in specific areas of research such as creativity where a reduction in self-focus could
help facilitate “flow” experience (Csikszentmihalyi, 2014), as an aid to assist at-risk
students transition to college, and in work environments to mitigate the effects of
stress (Huffman, Irving, & Wayment, in press).
Coping with Unemployment The health and well-being of employed adults are
often compromised during periods of unemployment (Paul & Moser, 2009; Roelfs,
Shor, Davidson, & Schwartz, 2011). Agency theory (Fryer, 1986) characterizes loss
of employment as an evaluative threat associated with a loss of personal control,
self-esteem, sense of value, and security which then impact physical and psycho-
logical well-being (Price, Choi, & Vinokur, 2002; Rantakeisu, Starrin, & Hagquist,
1999; Ullah, 1990). We surveyed 173 unemployed adults at the height of the “Great
Recession” in 2010 who reported a variety of stressors that revealed challenges to
their finances, living situations, and caretaking responsibilities (Wayment, Huffman,
& Irving, 2017). Using an abbreviated form of the QES (4-items) QES was posi-
tively related to self-reported health (see also Wayment, Wiist, Sullivan, & Warren,
2011). Further, self-compassion partially mediated the relationship between QES
and self-reported health, consistent with results from our studies with college stu-
dents. QES was also positively related to posttraumatic growth (PTG; Tedeschi,
Park, & Calhoun, 1998), positive changes in the face of challenge that include
­personal growth, sense of efficacy, meaningful relationships, compassion for others,
and appreciation for life.
Thus, in the context a significant stressor, unemployed adults who endorsed quiet
ego characteristics reported finding some positive meaning in their time of diffi-
culty. Both quiet ego and self-compassion were independently related to PTG. Self-­
compassion is an important skill that has relevance to finding meaning in stressful
circumstances (Allen & Leary, 2010). These results suggest both quiet ego and self-­
compassion are important resources for finding meaning in the context of a life
event that is often threatening (Fryer, 1986).
88 H.A. Wayment and J.J. Bauer

Coping with a School Shooting Most recently, we examined the extent to which
quiet ego characteristics were associated with empathic and collective reactions to
an on-campus shooting. The shooting that took place on the Northern Arizona
University college campus on October 9, 2015 led to the death of one student and
injury to three others. Although the shooting did not meet the definition of mass
shooting, it quickly became an international and national news story. Given that
media exposure plays an immediate and critical role in the experience of collective
loss, and affective reactions peak quickly after such an event (Gortner & Pennebaker,
2003), we assessed students’ reactions to the event beginning just three days after
the shooting. The personalized stories of victims and their families can often extend
the impact of a tragedy to individuals who might not otherwise be affected (Peterson
& Silver, 2015). Distress reactions arise because the unexpected nature of the vio-
lence often shatters people’s sense of safety and control (Janoff-Bulman, 1992).
People are more likely to cope better if they can make sense of a tragedy, and the
ability to “finding meaning” is aided by feeling empathy for the victims and perpe-
trators of such tragic events. Peterson and Silver (2015) used a scenario lab study to
experimentally demonstrate that perceived similarity (Westmaas & Silver, 2006)
and perspective taking (Davis, 1996) were associated with increased empathy for
both victims and perpetrators. In turn, perceived similarity and perspective taking
were both related to positive community responses and being more likely to find
meaning.
The questionnaire asked about general measures (such as the QES) prior to the
questions regarding the shooting and reactions to the shooting. We found that not
only is grief distinguishable from general and acute distress reactions, but that quiet
ego was uniquely associated with grief, a reaction of concern for the victims and
their loved ones, but not with the more self-focused forms of distress (e.g., depres-
sion, anxiety, somatic complaints) or acute reactions (e.g., intrusive and avoidant
thoughts related to the shooting). Furthermore, QES was associated with all of the
variables that predicted grief reactions: perceived similarity to the victims, fewer
attributions of blame to the victims, stronger common bond with other college stu-
dents (Wayment & Silver, under review). We also have evidence to suggest that the
experience of collective loss increased QES scores (relative to comparable sample of
students assessed one month before the shooting), suggesting that the contemplation
of death and loss may also quiet the ego (cf., Maslow, 1968, plateau experiences).
Our results reinforce that QES reflects what Gilbert (2009) calls a compassionate
mindset: in the immediate aftermath of a real-world tragedy that greatly affected the
members of a close-knit college community, those who reported higher QES scores
responded to the tragedy in a more compassionate way: they were less judgmental
of the perpetrators of the shooting (as measured by attributions of responsibility and
control), were empathic and sympathetic to the distress of others, and felt part of the
collective experiencing the trauma. These compassionate qualities facilitate an abil-
ity to share emotion following a tragedy which is important and brings people closer
together (Rime, 2009). Thus, quieted ego may arise from, and have important con-
sequences for, coping with events that challenge our assumptive worlds (Janoff-­
Bulman, 1992).
5 Quiet Ego and Well-Being 89

Conclusion

Reflecting the widely desired aims of balance and growth in life, the quiet ego con-
structs a self-identity that is less egoistic and more compassionate, fostering adap-
tive self-regulation, resiliency, and well-being. The benefits of putting the “self” in
perspective has long been known to be a path toward eudaimonic well-being, and
there are many existing areas of research that also reflect the importance of a “put-
ting the self in perspective”—whether through affirmations of transcendent values
(Cohen & Sherman, 2014; Critcher & Dunning, 2015), experiences with nature and
“awe” (Keltner & Haidt, 2003), or wisdom (Sternberg, 2013). For example, the lit-
erature on self-affirmation processes demonstrates that when one’s perspective on
the self is broadened, threat and defensiveness are reduced (Burson, Crocker, &
Mischkowski, 2012; Schimel, Arndt, Banko, & Cook, 2004). Indeed, a closer look
at the values associated with positive self-affirmation effects are those that are tran-
scendent, those that emphasize social connections and being part of purposes or
projects that go beyond the individualistic self in the immediate moment (Crocker,
Niiya, & Mischkowski, 2008; Shnabel, et al., 2013).
The construct of the quiet ego pulls together well-established phenomena from a
range of psychological disciplines that, taken together, reflect the human capacity
for critical yet compassionate self-reflection. The quiet ego serves to remind our-
selves of what we find important in life, how to diffuse the negative consequences
of excessive self-focus, how we might understand others’ points of view, and how
we might facilitate eudaimonic growth. Furthermore, this framework for the quiet
ego lends itself to relatively simple interventions to make important course correc-
tions in everyday life. And, although we have taken initial steps to create a brief
scale to measure these ideas, we look forward to the further development of research
methods and interventions to test, apply, and refine such models of quiet-ego func-
tioning, as they aim ultimately toward the cultivation of a self-identity that facili-
tates eudaimonic well-being.

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