Baron / Don’t Make English Official — Ban It Instead 949
DENNIS BARON
Don’t Make English Official — Ban It Instead
Dennis Baron ( b. 1944) is a professor of English and linguistics at the
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. His essays on the history
of English usage, language legislation, and technology and literacy have
been widely published in newspapers and magazines. His books include
The English-Only Question: An Official Language for Americans?
(1992), A Better Pencil: Reading, Writers, and the Digital Revolution
(2009), and The Wit of William Shakespeare (2012). He also serves
as a consultant to policy makers, lawyers, and journalists on questions
concerning language. The following proposal originally appeared in the
Washington Post in 1996.
C ongress is considering, and may soon pass, legislation making
English the official language of the United States. Supporters of the mea-
sure say that English forms the glue that keeps America together. They
deplore the dollars wasted translating English into other languages. And
they fear a horde of illegal aliens adamantly refusing to acquire the most
powerful language on earth.
On the other hand, opponents of official English remind us that
without legislation we have managed to get over ninety-seven percent of
the residents of this country to speak the national language. No country
with an official language law even comes close. Opponents also point
out that today’s non-English-speaking immigrants are picking up English
faster than earlier generations of immigrants did, so instead of official
English, they favor “English Plus,” encouraging everyone to speak both
English and another language.
I would like to offer a modest proposal to resolve the language
impasse in Congress. Don’t make English official, ban it instead.
That may sound too radical, but proposals to ban English first surfaced
in the heady days after the American Revolution. Anti-British sentiment
was so strong in the new United States that a few superpatriots wanted to
get rid of English altogether. They suggested replacing E
nglish with Hebrew,
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950 Chapter 69 PROPOSALS
thought by many in the eighteenth century to be the world’s first lan-
guage, the one spoken in the garden of Eden. French was also considered,
because it was thought at the time, and especially by the French, to be
the language of pure reason. And of course
Proposals to ban there was Greek, the language of Athens, the
English first surfaced world’s first democracy. It’s not clear how
shortly after the serious any of these proposals were, though
American Revolution. Roger Sherman* of Connecticut supposedly
remarked that it would be better to keep
English for ourselves and make the British speak Greek.
Even if the British are now our allies, there may be some benefit to 5
banning English today. A common language can often be the cause of
strife and misunderstanding. Look at Ireland and Northern Ireland, the
two Koreas, or the Union and the Confederacy. Banning English would
prevent that kind of divisiveness in America today.
Also, if we banned English, we wouldn’t have to worry about whose
English to make official: the English of England or America? of Chicago
or New York? of Ross Perot or William F. Buckley?†
We might as well ban English, too, because no one seems to read it
much lately, few can spell it, and fewer still can parse it. Even English
teachers have come to rely on computer spell checkers.
Another reason to ban English: it’s hardly even English anymore.
English started its decline in 1066, with the unfortunate incident at Hast-
ings.‡ Since then it has become a polyglot conglomeration of French,
Latin, Italian, Scandinavian, Arabic, Sanskrit, Celtic, Yiddish and Chinese,
with an occasional smiley face thrown in.
More important, we should ban English because it has become a
world language. Remember what happened to all the other world lan-
*Roger Sherman (1721–93): American revolutionary leader and signer of the Declara-
tion of Independence and the U.S. Constitution. [Editor’s note]
†William F. Buckley Jr. (1925–2008): conservative political commentator. Ross Perot:
American industrialist and independent presidential candidate. [Editor’s note]
‡Hastings: port on south coast of England, site of Saxon army’s defeat by the invading
Norman forces led by William of Normandy (c. 1028–87). [Editor’s note]
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Baron / Don’t Make English Official — Ban It Instead 951
guages: Latin, Greek, Indo-European? One day they’re on everybody’s
tongue; the next day they’re dead. Banning English now would save us
that inevitable disappointment.
Although we shouldn’t ban English without designating a replace- 10
ment for it, there is no obvious candidate. The French blew their
chance when they sold Louisiana. It doesn’t look like the Russians are
going to take over this country anytime
We might as well ban soon — they’re having enough trouble tak-
English . . . no one ing over Russia. German, the largest minor-
seems to read it much ity language in the U.S. until recently, lost
lately. much of its prestige after two world wars.
Chinese is too hard to write, especially if
you’re not Chinese. There’s always Esperanto, a language made up a
hundred years ago that is supposed to bring about world unity. We’re
still waiting for that. And if you took Spanish in high school you can
see that it’s not easy to get large numbers of people to speak another
language fluently.
In the end, though, it doesn’t matter what replacement language
we pick, just so long as we ban English instead of making it official.
Prohibiting English will do for the language what Prohibition did for
liquor. Those who already use it will continue to do so, and those
who don’t will want to try out what has been forbidden. This nega-
tive psychology works with children. It works with speed limits. It even
worked in the Garden of Eden.
Engaging with the Text
1. Dennis Baron signals that his proposal is meant as satire when he
writes, “I would like to offer a modest proposal to resolve the language
impasse in Congress. Don’t make English official, ban it instead.” Here
Baron alludes to Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” an essay that is
a tour de force of satire. If we aren’t meant to take his proposal at face
value — and we aren’t — what is its purpose? What, in other words, is 55–56
the real argument Baron is making?
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952 Chapter 69 PROPOSALS
373–80 2. Baron begins his essay by presenting two views on whether or not
English should be the official language of the United States. What is
the central problem that both sides are trying to address? Is this an
effective beginning? Why or why not? How else might he have begun?
400–401 3. Baron offers six reasons for accepting his “solution.” What are they?
What is the central point that holds these different reasons together?
4.
If Baron’s purpose is not actually to propose banning English in
America, why do you think he chose to use the proposal genre to
73 ▲ put forth his argument? What other genres might he have used?
5. For Writing. Identify a current hotly debated issue in the country, your
246–55 ▲ state, your town, or your school. propose an outlandish solution for
the problem and provide a plausible, if ironic, argument for your solu-
tion. Be sure to anticipate — and respond to — possible objections to
your proposed solution.
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