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 9 C Formatted Input/Output

All the news that’s fit to print.

—Adolph S. Ochs

What mad pursuit? What

struggle to escape?
—John Keats

Objectives
In this chapter, you’ll:
■ Use input and output
streams.
■ Use all print formatting
capabilities.
■ Use all input formatting
capabilities.
■ Print with field widths and
precisions.
■ Use formatting flags in the
printf format control
string.
■ Output literals and escape
sequences.
■ Format input using scanf.
 Self-Review Exercises 565

Self-Review Exercises
9.1 Fill in the blanks in each of the following:
a) All input and output is dealt with in the form of .
ANS: streams.
b) The stream is normally connected to the keyboard.
ANS: standard input.
c) The stream is normally connected to the computer screen.
ANS: standard output.
d) Precise output formatting is accomplished with the function.
ANS: printf.
e) The format control string may contain , , ,
and .
ANS: Conversion specifiers, flags, field widths, precisions, literal characters.
f) The conversion specifier or may be used to output a signed
decimal integer.
ANS: d, i.
g) The conversion specifiers , and are used to dis-
play unsigned integers in octal, decimal and hexadecimal form, respectively.
ANS: o, u, x (or X).
h) The modifiers and are placed before the integer conversion
specifiers to indicate that short or long integer values are to be displayed.
ANS: h, l.
i) The conversion specifier is used to display a floating-point value in expo-
nential notation.
ANS: e (or E).
j) The modifier is placed before any floating-point conversion specifier to in-
dicate that a long double value is to be displayed.
ANS: L.
k) The conversion specifiers e, E and f are displayed with digits of precision
to the right of the decimal point if no precision is specified.
ANS: 6.
l) The conversion specifiers and are used to print strings and
characters, respectively.
ANS: s, c.
m) All strings end in the character.
ANS: NULL ('\0').
n) The field width and precision in a printf conversion specifier can be controlled with
integer expressions by substituting a(n) for the field width or for the pre-
cision and placing an integer expression in the corresponding argument of the argument
list.
ANS: asterisk (*).
o) The flag causes output to be left justified in a field.
ANS: - (minus).
p) The flag causes values to be displayed with either a plus sign or a minus
sign.
ANS: p) + (plus).
q) Precise input formatting is accomplished with the function.
ANS: scanf.
566 Chapter 9 C Formatted Input/Output

r) A(n) is used to scan a string for specific characters and store the characters
in an array.
ANS: scan set.
s) The conversion specifier can be used to input optionally signed octal, dec-
imal and hexadecimal integers.
ANS: i.
t) The conversion specifiers can be used to input a double value.
ANS: le, lE, lf, lg or lG.
u) The is used to read data from the input stream and discard it without as-
signing it to a variable.
ANS: assignment suppression character (*).
v) A(n) can be used in a scanf conversion specifier to indicate that a specific
number of characters or digits should be read from the input stream.
ANS: field width.
9.2 Find the error in each of the following and explain how the error can be corrected.
a) The following statement should print the character 'c'.
printf( "%s\n", 'c' );
ANS: Error: Conversion specifier s expects an argument of type pointer to char.
Correction: To print the character 'c', use the conversion specifier %c or change 'c'
to "c".
b) The following statement should print 9.375%.
printf( "%.3f%", 9.375 );
ANS: Error: Trying to print the literal character % without using the conversion specifier %%.
Correction: Use %% to print a literal % character.
c) The following statement should print the first character of the string "Monday".
printf( "%c\n", "Monday" );
ANS: Error: Conversion specifier c expects an argument of type char.
Correction: To print the first character of "Monday" use the conversion specifier %1s.
d) printf( ""A string in quotes"" );
ANS: Error: Trying to print the literal character " without using the \" escape sequence.
Correction: Replace each quote in the inner set of quotes with \".
e) printf( %d%d, 12, 20 );
ANS: Error: The format control string is not enclosed in double quotes.
Correction: Enclose %d%d in double quotes.
f) printf( "%c", "x" );
ANS: Error: The character x is enclosed in double quotes.
Correction: Character constants to be printed with %c must be enclosed in single
quotes.
g) printf( "%s\n", 'Richard' );
ANS: Error: The string to be printed is enclosed in single quotes.
Correction: Use double quotes instead of single quotes to represent a string.
9.3 Write a statement for each of the following:
a) Print 1234 right justified in a 10-digit field.
ANS: printf( "%10d\n", 1234 );
b) Print 123.456789 in exponential notation with a sign (+ or -) and 3 digits of precision.
ANS: printf( "%+.3e\n", 123.456789 );
c) Read a double value into variable number.
ANS: scanf( "%lf", &number );
d) Print 100 in octal form preceded by 0.
ANS: printf( "%#o\n", 100 );
 Exercises 567

e) Read a string into character array string.

ANS: scanf( "%s", string );
f) Read characters into array n until a nondigit character is encountered.
ANS: scanf( "%[0123456789]", n );
g) Use integer variables x and y to specify the field width and precision used to display the
double value 87.4573.
ANS: printf( "%*.*f\n", x, y, 87.4573 );
h) Read a value of the form 3.5%. Store the percentage in float variable percent and elim-
inate the % from the input stream. Do not use the assignment suppression character.
ANS: scanf( "%f%%", &percent );
i) Print 3.333333 as a long double value with a sign (+ or -)in a field of 20 characters with
a precision of 3.
ANS: printf( "%+20.3Lf\n", 3.333333 );

Exercises
9.4 Write a printf or scanf statement for each of the following:
a) Print unsigned integer 40000 left justified in a 15-digit field with 8 digits.
ANS: printf( “%-15.8u”, ( unsigned int ) 40000 );
b) Read a hexadecimal value into variable hex.
ANS: scanf( “%x”, &hex );
c) Print 200 with and without a sign.
ANS: printf( “%+d %d\n”, 200, 200 );
d) Print 100 in hexadecimal form preceded by 0x.
ANS: printf( %#x\n”, 100 );
e) Read characters into array s until the letter p is encountered.
ANS: scanf( “%[^p]”, s );
f) Print 1.234 in a 9-digit field with preceding zeros.
ANS: printf( “%09.3f\n”, 1.234 );
g) Read a time of the form hh:mm:ss, storing the parts of the time in the integer variables
hour, minute and second. Skip the colons (:) in the input stream. Use the assignment
suppression character.
ANS: scanf( “%d%*c%d%*c%d”, &hour, &minute, &second );
h) Read a string of the form "characters" from the standard input. Store the string in
character array s. Eliminate the quotation marks from the input stream.
ANS: scanf( “\”%[^\”]”, s );
i) Read a time of the form hh:mm:ss, storing the parts of the time in the integer variables
hour, minute and second. Skip the colons (:) in the input stream. Do not use the as-
signment-suppression character.
ANS: scanf( “%d:%d:%d:”, &hour, &minute, &second );
9.5 Show what is printed by each of the following statements. If a statement is incorrect, indi-
cate why.
a) printf( "%-10d\n", 10000 );
ANS: 10000
b) printf( "%c\n", "This is a string" );
ANS: A string cannot be printed with the %c specifier.
c) printf( "%*.*lf\n", 8, 3, 1024.987654 );
ANS: 1024.988
d) printf( "%#o\n%#X\n%#e\n", 17, 17, 1008.83689 );
ANS:
021
0X11
1.008837e+03
568 Chapter 9 C Formatted Input/Output

e) printf( "% ld\n%+ld\n", 1000000L, 1000000L );

ANS:
1000000
+1000000
f) printf( "%10.2E\n", 444.93738 );
ANS: 4.45E+02 preceded by one space
g) printf( "%10.2g\n", 444.93738 );
ANS: 4.4e+02 preceded by two spaces
h) printf( "%d\n", 10.987 );
ANS: A floating point value cannot be printed with the %d conversion specifier.
9.6 Find the error(s) in each of the following program segments. Explain how each error can be
corrected.
a) printf( "%s\n", 'Happy Birthday' );
ANS: printf( “%s\n”, “Happy Birthday” );
b) printf( "%c\n", 'Hello' );
ANS: printf( “%s\n”, “Hello” );
c) printf( "%c\n", "This is a string" );
ANS: printf( “%s\n”, “This is a string” );
d) The following statement should print "Bon Voyage":
printf( ""%s"", "Bon Voyage" );
ANS: printf( “\“%s\””, “Bon Voyage” );
e) char day[] = "Sunday";
printf( "%s\n", day[ 3 ] );
ANS: printf( “%s\n”, day ); // to print the entire string
or
printf( “%scc\n”, day[3] ); // to print day[3]
f) printf( 'Enter your name: ' );
ANS: printf( “%s", "Enter your name: “ );
g) printf( %f, 123.456 );
ANS: printf( “%f”, 123.456 );
h) The following statement should print the characters 'O' and 'K':
printf( "%s%s\n", 'O', 'K' );
ANS: printf( “%c%c\n”, ‘O’, ‘K’ );
i) char s[ 10 ];
scanf( "%c", s[ 7 ] );
ANS: scanf( “%c”, &s[ 7 ] );
9.7 (Differences Between %d and %i) Write a program to test the difference between the %d and
%i conversion specifiers when used in scanf statements. Ask the user to enter two integers separated
by a space. Use the statements
scanf( "%i%d", &x, &y );
printf( "%d %d\n", x, y );

to input and print the values. Test the program with the following sets of input data:
10 10
-10 -10
010 010
0x10 0x10

ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.7 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 int i; // loop counter
 Exercises 569

7 int x; // first integer from user

8 int y; // second integer from user
9
10 // loop four times
11 for ( i = 1; i <= 4; ++i ) {
12 printf( "%s", "\nEnter two integers: " );
13 scanf( "%i%d", &x, &y );
14 printf( "%d %d\n", x, y );
15 } // end for
16 } // end main

Enter two integers: 10 10

10 10

Enter two integers: -10 -10

-10 -10

Enter two integers: 010 010

8 10

Enter two integers: 0x10 0x10

16 0

9.8 (Printing Numbers in Various Field Widths) Write a program to test the results of printing
the integer value 12345 and the floating-point value 1.2345 in various size fields. What happens
when the values are printed in fields containing fewer digits than the values?
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.8 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6
7 // print the integer 12345
8 printf( "%10d\n", 12345 );
9 printf( "%5d\n", 12345 );
10 printf( "%2d\n\n", 12345 );
11
12 // print the floating-point value 1.2345
13 printf( "%10f\n", 1.2345 );
14 printf( "%6f\n", 1.2345 );
15 printf( "%2f\n", 1.2345 );
16 } // end main

12345
12345
12345

1.234500
1.234500
1.234500
 570 Chapter 9 C Formatted Input/Output

9.9 (Rounding Floating-Point Numbers) Write a program that prints the value 100.453627
rounded to the nearest digit, tenth, hundredth, thousandth and ten-thousandth.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.9 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 printf( "%.0f\n", 100.453627 );
7 printf( "%.1f\n", 100.453627 );
8 printf( "%.2f\n", 100.453627 );
9 printf( "%.3f\n", 100.453627 );
10 printf( "%.4f\n", 100.453627 );
11 } // end main

100
100.5
100.45
100.454
100.4536

9.10 (Temperature Conversions) Write a program that converts integer Fahrenheit temperatures
from 0 to 212 degrees to floating-point Celsius temperatures with 3 digits of precision. Perform the
calculation using the formula
celsius = 5.0 / 9.0 * ( fahrenheit - 32 );

to perform the calculation. The output should be printed in two right-justified columns of 10
characters each, and the Celsius temperatures should be preceded by a sign for both positive and
negative values.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.10 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 int fahrenheit; // holds fahrenheit temperature
7 double celsius; // holds celcius temperature
8
9 printf( "%10s%10s\n", "Fahrenheit", "Celsius" );
10
11 // convert fahrenheit to celsius and display temperatures
12 // showing the sign for celsius temperatures
13 for ( fahrenheit = 0; fahrenheit <= 212; ++fahrenheit ) {
14 celsius = 5.0 / 9.0 * ( fahrenheit - 32 );
15 printf( "%10d%+10.3f\n", fahrenheit, celsius );
16 } // end for
17 } // end main
 Exercises 571

Fahrenheit Celsius
0 -17.778
1 -17.222
2 -16.667
3 -16.111
4 -15.556
5 -15.000
6 -14.444
7 -13.889
.
.
.
204 +95.556
205 +96.111
206 +96.667
207 +97.222
208 +97.778
209 +98.333
210 +98.889
211 +99.444
212 +100.000

9.11 (Escape Sequences) Write a program to test the escape sequences \', \", \?, \\, \a, \b, \n,
\r and \t. For the escape sequences that move the cursor, print a character before and after printing
the escape sequence so it’s clear where the cursor has moved.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.11 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 // test all escape sequences
7 puts( "The single quote : \'" );
8 puts( "The double quote : \"" );
9 puts( "The question mark: \?" );
10 puts( "The backslash : \\" );
11 puts( "The bell. \a\n" );
12 puts( "Move cursor back one position on current line. *\b*" );
13 puts( "Move cursor to the beginning of next line. *\n*" );
14 puts( "Move cursor to the beginning of current line. *\r*" );
15 puts( "Move cursor to the next horizontal tab position. *\t*" );
16 } // end main
 572 Chapter 9 C Formatted Input/Output

The single quote : '

The double quote : "
The question mark: ?
The backslash : \
The bell.

Move cursor back one position on current line. *

Move cursor to the beginning of next line. *
*
*ove cursor to the beginning of current line. *
Move cursor to the next horizontal tab position. * *

9.12 (Printing a Question Mark) Write a program that determines whether ? can be printed as
part of a printf format control string as a literal character rather than using the \? escape sequence.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.12 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 puts( "Did the \? print at the end of the sentence?" );
7 } // end main

Did the ? print at the end of the sentence?

9.13 (Reading an Integer with Each scanf Conversion Specifier) Write a program that inputs the
value 437 using each of the scanf integer conversion specifiers. Print each input value using all the
integer conversion specifiers.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.13 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 int array[ 5 ]; // holds the value 437 five times
7 size_t loop; // loop counter
8
9 // array of table headers
10 char *s[] = { "Read with %d:", "Read with %i:", "Read with %o:",
11 "Read with %u:", "Read with %x:"};
12
13 // prompt the user and read 5 values
14 printf( "%s", "Enter the value 437 five times: " );
15 scanf( "%d%i%o%u%x", &array[ 0 ], &array[ 1 ], &array[ 2 ],
16 &array[ 3 ], &array[ 4 ] );
17
18 // loop through all 5 values
19 for ( loop = 0; loop <= 4; ++loop ) {
 Exercises 573

20
21 // print each of the 5 values
22 printf( "%s\n%d %i %o %u %x\n\n", s[ loop ], array[ loop ],
23 array[ loop ], array[ loop ], array[ loop ], array[ loop ] );
24 } // end for
25 } // end main

Enter the value 437 five times: 437 437 437 437 437
Read with %d:
437 437 665 437 1b5

Read with %i:

437 437 665 437 1b5

Read with %o:

287 287 437 287 11f

Read with %u:

437 437 665 437 1b5

Read with %x:

1079 1079 2067 1079 437

9.14 (Outputting a Number with the Floating-Point Conversion Specifiers) Write a program
that uses each of the conversion specifiers e, f and g to input the value 1.2345. Print the values of
each variable to prove that each conversion specifier can be used to input this same value.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.14 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 float a[ 3 ]; // holds the value 1.2345 three times
7
8 // array of table headers
9 char *s[] = { "Read with %e: ", "Read with %f: ", "Read with %g: " };
10
11 // prompt the user and read 3 values
12 printf( "%s", "Enter the value 1.2345 three times: " );
13 scanf( "%e%f%g", &a[ 0 ], &a[ 1 ], &a[ 2 ] );
14
15 printf( "%s%e\n\n", s[ 0 ], a[ 0 ] );
16 printf( "%s%f\n\n", s[ 1 ], a[ 1 ] );
17 printf( "%s%g\n\n", s[ 2 ], a[ 2 ] );
18 } // end main
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 574 Chapter 9 C Formatted Input/Output

Enter the value 1.2345 three times: 1.2345 1.2345 1.2345

Read with %e: 1.234500e+000

Read with %f: 1.234500

Read with %g: 1.2345

9.15 (Reading Strings in Quotes) In some programming languages, strings are entered surround-
ed by either single or double quotation marks. Write a program that reads the three strings suzy,
"suzy" and 'suzy'. Are the single and double quotes ignored by C or read as part of the string?
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.15 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 char a[ 10 ]; // first string
7 char b[ 10 ]; // second string
8 char c[ 10 ]; // third string
9
10 // prompt user and read three strings
11 puts( "Enter the strings suzy, \"suzy\", and 'suzy':" );
12 scanf( "%s%s%s", a, b, c );
13
14 printf( "%s %s %s\n", a, b, c ); // display strings
15 } // end main

Enter the strings suzy, "suzy", and 'suzy':

suzy "suzy" 'suzy'
suzy "suzy" 'suzy'

9.16 (Printing a Question Mark as a Character Constant) Write a program that determines
whether ? can be printed as the character constant '?' rather than the character constant escape se-
quence '\?' using conversion specifier %c in the format control string of a printf statement.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.16 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 const char questionMark = '?'; // define '?' as a char constant
7
8 printf( "This %c can be printed without using the \\\?\n",
9 questionMark );
10 } // end main
 Exercises 575

This ? can be printed without using the \?

9.17 (Using %g with Various Precisions) Write a program that uses the conversion specifier g to
output the value 9876.12345. Print the value with precisions ranging from 1 to 9.
ANS:

1 // Exercise 9.17 Solution

2 #include <stdio.h>
3
4 int main( void )
5 {
6 int i;
7 for (i = 1; i<=9; i++)
8 printf( "Precision: %d, value = %.*g\n", i, i, 9876.12345 );
9 } // end main

Precision: 1, value = 1e+004

Precision: 2, value = 9.9e+003
Precision: 3, value = 9.88e+003
Precision: 4, value = 9876
Precision: 5, value = 9876.1
Precision: 6, value = 9876.12
Precision: 7, value = 9876.123
Precision: 8, value = 9876.1234
Precision: 9, value = 9876.12345
576 Chapter 9 C Formatted Input/Output
Exercises 577
578 Chapter 9 C Formatted Input/Output
Other documents randomly have
different content
“An’ dat’s whut dey done, an’ nobody ’cep’n dem fokes und’r de
ches’nut tree know Bline Billy’s sho’ nuf name.
“Ned Dog, he go tell Mist’r Race Hoss ’bout dis new fine run’r dat’s
makin’ sich fine speeches ’ginst ’im. Mist’r Race Hoss tell Ned Dog
ter git der side tergeth’r so dey kin confab erbout de mat’r. Ned Dog,
he passes de wurd ter ’em all, an’ he ’speshully tell Brer Mule ter be
dar sho’.
“Brer Mule tell him he can’t make up his min’ which side he’s on, he
say he kin ter Bline Billy, an’ he ort’r vote fur him.
“Ned Dog tell him he mustn’t fergit dat him an’ Mist’r Race Hoss kin,
too.
“He say he ain’ fergit hit, an’ dat’s howcum he so twist’d up ’bout
votin’. He set an’ study, he do, an’ de mo’ he study, de mo’ he can’t
make up his mine.”
“Make him vote for Mister Race Hoss, Mammy.”
“Make who, boy?—Brer Mule settin’ up on dat fence stud’in’ jes whar
Ned Dog lef’ ’im.”
Willis became discouraged over Mister Race Horse’s prospects and
insisted with much feeling that Phyllis had influenced the animals in
Jack Donkey’s behalf.
“Go off, boy, how I gwine make dese trashy creeturs vote fur high
tone fokes like yo’ pa an’ Mist’r Race Hoss? Dey dunno nuthin’ ’cep’n
whut de murchine tell ’em ter vote,” shaking her head in
condemnation and mumbling to herself. “Sometimes I studies ter
m’se’f ef de wimmin fokes cud do enny bett’r.”
“Mammy Phyllis, please make somebody come to Mister Race
Horse’s meetin’,” urged Mary Van.
“Doan you both’r yose’f ’bout dat meetin’, ’caze Ned Dog both’rin’
nuf fur bofe uv yer. He go tell Mist’r Rooster ter telerfome ter Mist’r
Turk’y Gobler, an’ Mist’r Peacock, an’ he tell Mist’r Bloodhoun’ fur him
ter run an’ tell Mist’r Jersey Cow, an’—”
“An’ Mister Turtle,” suggested Willis, trying to help the meeting
along.
“Nor, suh, ole man Mud Turtle ain’ got no bisnes’ at dis meetin’, he
’longs wid de Bline Billy crowd. Ef you talkin’ ’bout Mist’r Di’mon’
Back Terrapin, den you’se right, ’caze he wus dar on de amen bench,
an’—”
“Where were the sheep, Mammy?”
“Dat’s so, baby, I mos’ fergit all ’bout de ’spute Unk Bell Weth’r an’
ole Daddy Ram Sheep had ’bout de mat’r. Daddy Ram Sheep wanter
vote fur Bline Billy, but Unk Bell Weth’r say dey got ter heah mo’
speakin’ ’fo’ dey got nuf sense ter know which one de bes’ side.
“Well, de speakin’ start’ an’ I tell yer hit kep’ up scand’lus, too.
“Mist’r Race Hoss ’vite Bline Billy an’ Brer Bar bofe uv ’em ter speak
wid ’im, but Brer Bar feer’d ter, an’ ev’y time Jack Donkey say he
gwine mix speeches wid Mist’r Race Hoss, ole Uncle Gee-Haw Steer
giv’ er big kick ’ginst hit.
“He say, ‘Twon’ do, twon’ do!’
“Fin’ly Ned Dog ax Cap’n Goat ef Bline Billy skeer’d ter meet Mist’r
Race Hoss on de same stump, will he ’gree ter meet ’im on diffunt
stumps but tolerbul close tergether, so dey kin see which one kin out
do de uth’r.
“Cap’n Goat say Bline Billy ain’ skeer’d er no race hoss dat ev’r
capr’d on er track, an’ ter ’nounce de time an’ name de stumps, an’
Blin’ Billy’ll be dar wid fo’ foots an’ er tongue dat’ll make Mist’r Race
Hoss eat up all dat big talk he bin scat’rin’ ’roun’.
“Whin ole Unk Gee-Haw Steer heah ’bout de meetin’ he kick er ’ginst
hit, he say dat donkey gwine make er jack er hisse’f sho’ es sho’ kin
be; dat fokes’ll fin’ out who Bline Billy is, ef he start ter talkin’ wid
Mist’r Race Hoss.
“Mist’r Tom Cat say, ‘Nor, Jack Donkey gwinter keep hisse’f kiv’r’d up
plum tell de ’lection’s ov’r.’
“Sez Unk Gee-Haw Steer, ‘I wants yer all ter ’member I kick’d ’ginst
hit ter de ve’y las’.’
“Oh, I tells yer dar wus mouty times gwine on gittin’ reddy fur dat
’casion; de pastur’ wus plum full er flags.
“Sis’ Tabby Cat, she slip ov’r ter Miss Race Hosses house an’ say,
‘Miss Race Hoss, Mist’r Tom Cat say hit mos’ kill him ter vote ’ginst
Mist’r Race Hoss, but Cap’n Goat done bin sich er good frin’ ter our
fambly dat Tom bleege ter do like de Cap’n ax ’im, but hit mos’ killin’
Tom, ’caze he say Mist’r Race Hoss is de man fur de place, an’ he
hope he gwine git ’lect’d.’
“Miss Race Hoss ain’ sayin’ nuthin’. She know all ’bout Mist’r Tom
Cat’s doin’s an’ Sis’ Tabby wusn’t foolin’ nobody but herse’f. Lawd,
chillun,” she mused, preparing to cut some quilt pieces, “how menny
Sis’ Tabby Cats is bin ter see Miss Lucy heah lately?”
“Well, de speakin’ day come. Bline Billy wus settin’ off on his stump
all kiv’r’d up, so nobody kin tell him. Cap’n Goat settin’ right close ter
him whisperin’ all de time, an’ Brer Turkey Buzzard he swoopin’ all
eroun’ de congergation takin’ messages fur Cap’n Goat, an’ pickin’
up eny scrap uv vit’als he kin fine.
“Mist’r Race Hoss settin’ on his stump, too, wid Jedge Eagle perch’d
’long side er him an’ Ned Dog on de uth’r side.
“Mist’r Bull-finch an’ John Mockin’ Bird wus de lead’rs er de ban’ an’ I
tell yer dat musick wus sumthin’ ter heah sho’ nuf.
“Cap’n Goat say dey doan want no musick playin’ at der speakin’.
“Brer Bull Frog say: ‘Nor, suhree, you git er jug-er-rum an’ put hit wit
Sis’ Ginny Hen’s boys up in de gal’ry, long wid Miss Wile Lucy
Goose’s chilluns, an’ you got nuf fuss fur fifty meetin’s.’
“Mist’r Tom Cat slap down on his leg an’ say, ‘Dat’s de very thing;
dat ef Mist’r Race Hoss git ter th’owin’ off too much language, jes’
ter git Brer Bull Frog ter start off de Ginny chorus an’ he bet Race
Hoss won’t heah his own se’f talk.’”
Willis moved closer. “Was all of ’em sittin’ together, Mammy?”
“Nor, dey wus fur nuf erpart fur bofe uv ’em ter keep der own
crowd.”
“Where did Brer Mule sit?” Mary Van remembered to ask.
“And where did Uncle Bell Weth’r take the sheep?” put in Willis.
“Brer Mule had bisnes’ dat take ’im clean off’n de plantation, honey,
an’ dat bisnes’ keep ’im plum tell ’lection day’s ov’r. Yas, Lawd, an’ er
whole passel er yo’ pa’s frien’s went wid him ter hope ’im ten’ ter his
bisnes’.”
“Did Uncle Bell Weth’r and the sheep go, too?”
“Nor, son, dey jes’ nachelly ain’ got der mines sot yit, an’ dey ain’
settin’ wid one nur t’other. Dey huddl’d tergeth’r right b’twixt de two,
waitin’ fur Unk Bell Weth’r ter ring de bell, den all uv ’em gwine
move tergeth’r.
“But youall keep er talkin’ so much, Mist’r Race Hoss an’ Bline Billy
gittin’ wo’ out settin’ on dem stumps.”
“Tell ’em to start, Mammy.”
“Dey done start, baby. Bline Billy’s ginny chorus jes’ er pot’rackin’
hard es dey kin, ’caze Brer Bull Frog so full er jug-er-rum, dat he
start ’em off too soon. Cose de gooses turn loose soon es de ginnies
give de fus ‘potter-rack.’
“Cap’n Goat tuk an’ whisp’r ter Brer Turkey Buzz’rd ter go tell Jim
Duck fur de Lawd sake ter stop de fuss, so Jack Donkey kin speak,
’caze Mist’r Race Hoss wus jes’ er speakin’ gran’ an’ gittin’ way
erhead; an’ Cap’n Goat settin’ up dar pullin’ his whisk’rs an’ farely
chawin’ de een’s off. Fin’ly Brer Turkey Buzzard whisper ter Jim
Puddle Duck, but Jim Duck sorter deef an’ he think Brer Buzzard say
fur his fambly ter go he’p ’long de fuss. So he go, he do, an’ geth’r
’em up, an’ Miss Screech Owel’s fokes, too, an’ dey starts sich
ernuth’r holl’rin’ es nobody ain’ nuv’r heah befo’ nur sense. Cap’n
Goat try ter shout out er few wurds, but nobody can’ heah er wurd,
so Mist’r Durham Cow raise his beller ter try ter hope him, but dat
done do no good. Den Mist’r Tom Cat see ef he kin git in er wurd,
but nobody wud know he wus talkin’ les’n dey see his mouf wurkin’.
“Whoopee! Jack Donkey wus so mad, he hop up ter holler, too, but
Mist’r Wile Cat hidin’ b’hime ’im, grabs ’im by de kiv’r an’ tell ’im ter
set still tell dey holl’rs derse’fs out. He say, ‘Den you kin speak atter
Mist’r Race Hoss gits all wo’ out.’ But nor suhree, dat ’vice ain’ suitin’
Jack Donkey, an’ whut’s mo’, he too hard haided ter lis’n enyhow, so
he up an’ start ter holl’rin his ‘He-haw, he-haw.’
“Whoopee! dat stop de fuss! Somebody ’gun ter holl’r: ‘Bline Billy
ain’ nobody but ole Jack Donkey!’ All uv ’em say, ‘De idee er Jack
Donkey puttin’ hisse’f up ter be rul’r er de beastes.’
“Unk Bell Weth’r shake de bell, an’ all de sheep flocks ter Mist’r Race
Hoss’s side.
“Oh, I tell yer dar wusn’t but er han’ful er fokes lef’ on Jack’s side.”
“Why did Jack Donkey pull his cov’r off, Mammy?”
“He didn’t hatt’r pull his kiv’r off, son, caze Jack call out his own
name—can’t you tell er donkey whin you heahs him bray?”
At that moment a band and shouts of people were heard coming up
the street.
“Lawsee! chillun! Less git down fum heah; I b’leef in m’ soul Mist’r
Race Hoss done beat dis race sho’ nuf.”
 X
MISTER BAD ’SIMMON TREE

“Look at that big old grape tree, Mammy Phyllis,” said Mary Van, as
she ran beside the little boy gathering wild flowers in the woods
back of the house.
“That’s not a grape tree, Mary Van—it’s a grape vine,” corrected
Willis.
“’Tain’t, it’s a tree, isn’t it, Mammy?”
“It’s a vine,” he emphasized with a shake of her arm.
“Make him stop, he’s knocking my flowers.”
“Dey ain’t no use youall ’sputin’ ’bout Miss Wile Grape. Bofe uv yer’s
got hit right. She uster be Miss Wile Grape Vine ’fo’ she take an’
marry ole man Holl’r Tree. Now she call herse’f Miss Grape Vine
Tree.”
“Where’s Old Man Holl’r Tree?”
“Yond’rs him,—standin’ b’hime Miss Wile Grape. Dey’s er heap er
men fokes hidin’ b’hime der ole ladies in dis worl’, too! Yas, suh! an’
dey’s er heap uv ’ooman fokes dat act jes’ like Miss Wile Grape done
whin Mist’r Wise Oak tell her long time ergo ter stop keepin’ comp’ny
wid Holl’r Tree. Mist’r Wise Oak tell her Holl’r Tree ain’ fit’n fur
nuthin’ but ter hide possums in.
“She say, ‘I doan keer ef he can’t do nuthin’, I kin make er livin’ fur
bofe uv us, but I’m jes’ bleeg ter have sumbody ter lean on.’
“He say, ‘Doan git er long s’ fas’, Wile Grape; lay low fur er while, an’
’twon’ be long ’fo’ young Johnnie Live Oak’ll reach out an’ ax you ter
lean on him.’
“She say, ‘No, I ain’ gwine ’ginst Holl’r Tree jes’ ’caze he’s gettin’ ole
an’ ball.’
“Miss Crab Apple tell her, ‘Dat’s right, grab yer fus’ chance, ’caze yer
ain’ gwina git no mo’.’ Dat hu’t po’ lit’le Wile Grape’s feelin’s, an’ she
sorter wilt an’ creep on de groun’ tell Miss Bizzy Bee come an’ tell
her Holl’r Tree say ef she doan come on, he gwine tumble ter pieces.
Den she lif’ up her haid an’ git Bob Win’ ter take her up ter Holl’r
Tree, an’ she bin dar ev’r sense, tryin’ ter hide his ole ugly se’f; an’
de wurser he look, de mo’ purty leaves an’ grapes she try ter kiv’r
ov’r him.”
“What’d Miss Crab Apple say?” Mary Van wanted to hear the gossip.
“Nobody ain’ lis’n ter whut she say, ’caze she so sour an’ mean,
ev’ybody keep out’n her way.”
Willis darted ahead. “Look, Mammy, look at the persimmons!” and
he began hurling stones towards the tree.
“Nobody doan want no green ’simmons, boy.”
“They’re not green, they’re yellow,” and another stone followed.
“Let dem ’simmons ’lone, I tell yer—dey ain’ fit’n fur nothin’, doan
keer ef dey is yaller. De fros’ got ter fall on ’em ’fo’ eb’n possums’ll
eat ’em.” She added, under her breath, “Like dese heah sour fokes
dat don’t nuv’r git sweet tell trub’le hit ’em.”
“I don’t care, I’m going to knock ’em down anyway.”
“Ahah, you gwine be hard-haid’d jes’ like ’Simmon Tree wus whin he
wus er lit’le hard-haid’d boy tree, an’ his ma tell him ter stop sassyin’
old fokes.”
“Who did he sassy?” Willis looked with indecision at the stone in his
hand.
“I ain’ gwine tell yer nuthin’ tell yer th’ows dat rock down an’ gits fur
nuf fum ’Simmon Tree ter keep him fum lis’nin’ ter whut I says, ’caze
he ’memb’rs long time ergo whin all de trees wus waitin’ ter see
which one gwine have de fines’ crap er chillun. Early hyah in de
spring, ’fo’ Jack Fros’ go ter see Miss White Snow, Dandy Lion come
peepin’ out; all de trees bowin’ an’ swingin’ derse’fs erbout axin’ de
news ’bout der chillun. Dandy Lion say, ‘Don’t yer heah lit’le Weepin’
Will’r cryin’ an’ holl’rin’ ov’r yond’r now?’ Sho’ nuf dar she wus tellin’
her ma ’bout lit’le Maple Tree an’ all uv ’em pushin’ her out fus’ ter
see ef Jack Fros’ fixin’ ter pack his trunk.”
The stone slid noiselessly from Willis’s hand, while Phyllis led the
way beyond the green persimmons.
“Did Jack Frost bite little Willow Tree?”
“He don’t bite ’em less’n dey gits hard-haid’d an’ sassy him. But hyah
come lit’le Aspin, an’ lit’le Sugar Maple, an’ dey says Lit’le ’Simmon
Tree an’ de res’ uv de tree chillun is reddy ter come, soon es ole
Unk’ Sun warm up de room fur ’em er lit’le. Bimeby, all uv ’em gits
der haids an’ hands out, ’cep’n Pine Tree chile. Ev’ybody axin’ Miss
Vilet, an’ Miss Honey-suckle an’ all uv ’em wharbouts Pine Tree chile
wus at. Pres’ntly ole Tall Pine say, he do: ‘Jes’ ’ten’ ter yer own
biznes’, my boy know whut he doin’. He ain’ gwine come up hyah
rippin’ an’ tar’in’ ’roun’, an’ den hatt’r stan’ dar an’ die in his tracks.
Whin enny er my fambly comes up in de woods, dey comes ter stay,’
sez he: ‘De res’ er you all goes off in de winter time, but me an’ my
fokes stays right hyah; darfo’, I done lernt my chillun ter git er good
start ’fo’ dey comes thu!’
“I tell yer, Pine Tree chile wus workin’ hard ter tap wat’r so he kin
keep up wid de res’ er de trees atter he jines de woods.”
“How can he tap water?” interrupted Willis.
“Dey taps hit wid der roots. Sometimes er pine tree whut ain’t no
big’r’n my han’ is got roots fifteen foots long. An’ I tell yer Pine Tree
tellin’ de trufe, his boy know der fambly bleege ter have wat’r ter live
on, an’ he ain’t gwine take no stan’ in dis woel he know he can’t
keep up wid. De trees dey talks ’bout him mouty bad at fus’, but he
don’t pay no ’tenshun ter ’em, he jes’ mine his own biznes’, an’
bimeby he git big ’nuf ter look on de top uv all ’em.”
“Did he look down on the top of Mist’r Wise Oak?” broke in Willis.
“Tall Pine so high an’ straight hisse’f, he ain’t thinkin’ ’bout de top er
nobody’s haid. He know Mist’r Wise Oak’s de big’es’ man on Tinker
Knob an’ he proud ter keep comp’ny wid him.”
“Who was running against Wise Oak?” the race for mayor still
lingering in his mind.
“Well, son, dar wus er heap uv ’em dat want ter git in, but dey can’t
git nobody ter put ’em up. Lombody Poplar ax Holl’r Tree ter put him
up, but Holl’r Tree tell him ter look at hisse’f, an’ see how fokes ’ud
t’ar him ter pieces. He say he dunno howcum.
“Holl’r Tree say, ‘Whut’s you done ter make fokes vote fur you? You
doan give no fruit, an’ you too stingy ter eb’n stretch yer arms out
an’ make shade fur ennybody.’
“Lombody say, ‘Yer doan want me ter spile m’ shape does yer?’
“Holl’r Tree say, ‘Dat’s hit. You thinks too much ’bout yer own se’f ter
serve de woods.’ But I ain’ got time ter tell yer all whut de trees talks
erbout. I jes’ wanter tell yer ’bout whut Mist’r bad ’Simmon Tree got.
“Whin he wus er lit’le boy tree, he all de time bein’ hard-haided an’
makin’ fusses twixt de trees er de beastes er enybody dat ’ud lis’n
ter him. His ma whoop him er heap ’bout tellin’ tales, an’ meddlin’ in
fokes’ ’fars, but ev’y time Bob Win’ come thu de woods ’Simmon
Tree’d lean way down ter de groun’ totin’ tales ter sumbody. One
time Mist’r Brindle Cow come walkin’ long thu de woods, huntin’ fur
some nice lit’le chaws er wile flow’rs, an’ ’Simmon Tree hol’r fur him
ter come set down an’ talk ter him. Mister Brindle say he ain’ got no
time ter fool wid chillun. Wid dat ’Simmon Tree holl’r back: ‘Yer bet’r
take time, ’caze ev’y body know you done bin runn’d out’n de
pastur’.’ Whoopee! Mist’r Brindle Cow give er jump an’ lan’ hisse’f
’pon top er dat sassy little tree, an’ I tell yer he nuv’r lef’ dar tell he
had tromp ’Simmon Tree clean down ter de groun’. Den he curl his
tail in de air an’ go bellerin’ back ter de pastur’.
“’Simmon Tree sorter raise up one fing’r, den he lif’ his haid up er
lit’le bit, but he hurt so bad near ’bout his foots dat he cry an’ beg
sumbody ter please hope him up.
“Jes’ den Mist’r Man an’ his lit’le boy come ridin’ thu dar on Miss
Race Hoss. Mist’r Man stop, he do, an’ say, ‘Look at dat nice lit’le
’Simmon Tree sumbody done tromp’d down. I’m gwine tie hit up an’
give hit er chanct,’ sez he. So him an’ de lit’le boy liftes hit up, an’
’Simmon Tree holl’r, ‘Oh! Lawdy! yer’s killin’ me,’ but dey ties him up
an’ put sticks up ’ginst him ter keep him fum fallin’ down, an’ ’tain’
long ’fo’ de hu’t part wus kur’d tergeth’r fine, an’, by de time he wus
grow’d up, nobody cud tell he ev’r wus er bad lit’le boy dat mos’ got
kilt by his badness. Oh, he wus er starchy lookin’ tree I tell yer. Look
like he wus de fines’ lookin’ uv all de tree chillun.”
“One day Bob Win’ put on his fine linnin duster an’ he come er
projeckin’ an’ frolickin’ ’roun’ de Reed gals down in de Cane Break.
Dey has er heap er fun, I tell yer. Bob allus crackin’ his jokes ter ’em
tell dey mos’ die fallin’ ’ginst one nuth’r laffin’.
“’Simmon Tree git so mad ’caze he can’t fly ’roun’ an’ projeck wid de
gals like Bob, dat he ’fuse ter speak ter Bob’s howdy. Bob he sorter
laf an’ flutt’r ’Simmon Tree’s leaves back’ards. ’Simmon Tree git mad
es fire den, an’ he tell him ter ‘clar out!’
“He say, ‘You does er heap er braggin’ an’ blusterin’ in dese parts
Bob Win’, but I ain’ nuv’r seed nuthin’ in yer but bad mann’rs.’
“Bob say, ‘I see yer done forgit de les’n Brer Brindle Cow learnt yer
whin you wus lit’le.’
“’Simmon Tree say, ‘I ain’ skeer’d er all de Mist’r Cows in de pastur’,
an’ you th’ow’d in ter boot. You ain’ nuthin’ but er win’ bag
ennyhow.’
“Bob Win’ say, ‘Git reddy, suh, we gwine proof whose de bes’ man
’fo’ sundown.’
“Bob go ax his pa, ole man Harricane, ter loan him his cyarpet bag,
he tell him he want ter take sum fightin’ close ’long on er trip he
gwine on thu de woods. Ole Kerlum-bang Thunder say he gwine
’long ter see de fun. Po’-Down Rain say he gwine too, but Bob tell
’em he doan want nobody ter hope him.
“Po’-Down Rain says he ain’ gwine hope nobody, he say, ‘Mist’r Wise
Oak sont fur me er mont’ ergo, an’ I ain’ had time ter go yit, but I’m
gwine now, ’caze I wants ter see you whin you tu’ns yose’f loose.’
“Ole Kerlum-bang Thund’r say, ‘I ain’ gwine hu’t nobody, I’m jes’
gwina shoot off er few fier wurks, an’ rat’le ’roun’ er lit’le.’
“Bob see he can’ do nuthin’ wid ’em, so he start off. Fus’ he come
sorter sof’ whrrrrrrrr, whuuuuuuuu. All de trees lafs an’ howdy’s ter
one nuth’r ’cep’ ’Simmon Tree. He ’fuse ter russ’le so much es er
leaf. Bob come Brrrrrrrrr, sorter strong like, de leaves on de groun’
try ter hop up an’ cap’r wid dem on de trees, an’ de Reed gals wus
jes’ laffin’ an’ th’owin’ derse’fs erbout scand’lous. ’Simmon Tree ain’
flutt’r er leaf, ’cep’n whin he bleeg’d ter. Bob Win’ come Brrrrrrrr,
Whrrrrrrrr, Brrrrr, Brrrrrrrr, Whrrrrrr,
Zuzuzuzuzuzuzuzuzuzuzuzuzuzzzzzzzzzz, whoopee! I tell yer he’s
comin’ now! He rip an’ t’ar, he do, ringin’ an’ twistin’ ev’ything dat
gits in his way. Ole Kerlum-bang Thunder give er clap an’ tetch off er
fier crack’r dat skeer de Cane Break fokes mouty nigh ter death. Po’-
Down Rain come right ’long b’hime him. He wet dem woods mouty
nigh ter flood times. Ole Kerlum-bang drop his chunk er fier on a
passel er big fier-crackers, an’—”
“And Roman candles, and sky rockets!” added Willis.
“Yas, an’ de fus’ thing you knows Bob Win’ had done swep’ up dat
groun’ b’fo’ him clean es yo’ ma’s parler floor. He step up ter
’Simmon Tree an’ ax him ef he got ennything ter take back.
“’Simmon Tree say, ‘I done tole yer I ain’ gwina pass wurds wid no
sich er blow hard es you is.’
“Bob Win’ grab him ’roun ’de trunk, he do, an’ give er good twis’ on
his haid, but dat nuv’r done no harm, an’ ’Simmon Tree hit him back
es good es he sen’. Bob take him by de arms an’ twis’ wid all his
might, but ’Simmon Tree laff in his face, an’ twis’ back at him. Den
Bob give er runnin’ jump an’ wrop hisse’f ’long ’bout ’Simmon’s foots.
Well, suh, dat een’ de fight. Bob hit him in de weak part, an’
’Simmon Tree broke an’ come, kerblum’, an’ splint’r’d hisse’f all ov’r
de groun’.”
“Mammy, I thought you said Mister Man cured him, so he was bigger
and stronger than all of the rest?” Mary Van had a good memory but
Phyllis was ever ready to answer the interruption.
“Aha, aha, you ’members dat does yer? An’ dat’s jes’ whut he wus—
mo’ finer’n all uv ’em ’cep’n in dat weak place his hard haid make,
whin he wus er lit’le bit’r tree. An’ er gal er boy”—she looked
earnestly into each face—“kin be sassy an’ hard-haid’d whin dey’s
lit’le, an’ whin dey gits grow’d up an’ ’gins ter rass’lin’ wid
triberlations, de ve’y fus’ fight dey gits in, dat weak bad, hard-haided
place gwine give way fus’, an’ dey’ll splinter all ter pieces jes’ like
’Simmon Tree done.”
“Can Bob Wind whip all the trees?”
“He sho’ kin, son, dat is, enny uv ’em dat’s so big’rty an’ hard-haid’d
dey can’t lis’n ter nobody. I tell yer dar’s er plenty er Bob Win’s ter
whoop all de biggerty hard-haids ’mongst de men fokes, too.”
“I bet there isn’t any Bob Wind that can whip my papa.”
“No, my Lawd, dat dey ain’t,” she laughed softly, then added:
“Howcum you reck’n yo’ pa come ter be sich er big man?” she
stopped to hear his answer.
“Cause he’s my papa,” defended the child.
“’Tain’t no sich er thing. Plenty fokes gots papa’s ’sides you. Hit’s
’caze he got de bignes’ ter mine whut his ole lady say ter him ev’y
onct in erwhile. Come ’long, we ain’ gwine git er Lawd’s bit er dinn’r
ef we doan git out er dese hyah woods.”
 XI
BIG EYE BUZZARD

“Mammy, less go up to Jim Weed’s house, he’s going to give me one

of his buzzard eggs.” Willis was halfway to the gate.
“Come back hyah, boy,—I ain’ gwine stirry er step fum dis hyah tree
tell I churns dis milk fur Kitty, an’ ennyhow yond’r come comp’ny ter
see yer,” she nodded towards Mary Van, who was tip-toeing to
unfasten the gate.
“’Tain’t anybody but Mary Van, and she can go, too.”
“Where, Willis?” and the little girl ran past him to the joggling
board[1] near Phyllis; “Put me up, Mammy!”
Phyllis dropped the churn top in place and went to the assistance of
Mary Van. “Come on, son,” she called over her shoulder, “an’ let dem
buzzard aigs hatch right whar dey is, ’caze de Lawd knows dey’s in
de right nes’.”
“Jim Weed’s er nice boy,” resented Willis, refusing to come.
“He ain’ nuthin’ but po’ white trash.” She stood with her arms
akimbo, waiting to lift him beside Mary Van. “Come on, an’ hole Ma’y
Van’s han’ so bofe uv yer kin stay on de bo’rd whin yer joggles.”
“He’s not poor white trash,” exclaimed Willis hotly, “he’s got a pigeon
house, and a dog house, and a bird house, and a—”
“I doan keer how minny houses he got, an’ I doan keer how much
money he got neeth’r—he ain’ nuthin’ in dis woel but po’ trash,” she
announced with a sweeping bow, then added to Mary Van, as she
returned to the churn: “Set down on de bo’rd, honey, tell Willis git
reddy ter stan’ up an’ jump wid you. He bleege ter cool off er while,
fus’, ’cose he know trashy fokes got ter keep on bein’ trashy, jes’ like
he know dat buzzard aig bleege ter hatch out er buzzard; doan keer
ef you puts hit in Lilly Dove’s nes’ er way up yond’r in Jedge Eagle’s
nes’, hit’s boun’ ter be er buzzard dat pips dat aig shell.”
Swishing the dasher up and down in the churn, she continued
addressing herself to Mary Van.
“Yas, Lawd, yer orter heah ole man Turkey Buzzard tell ’bout whin
his boy, Big Eye, turn hisse’f ter er eagle. Big Eye tell his pa he ti’ed
soshatin’ wid de low down buzzards dat lives on Dead Man’s
Mountain, an’ he done make up his min’ ter greeze his feath’rs an’
shave de top er his haid like de ball eagle, an’ move ov’r ter Tinker
Knob whar de fus’ class birds lives at.”
“Mammy, I thought buzzards were bald anyhow,” said Willis coming
a step or two nearer.
“’Cose dey bin ball ev’r sense Big Eye shave his haid.
“His pa say, ‘Doan yer know soon es fokes heahs yer name, dey kin
p’int out yer fambly?’
“He tell his pa he gwine change his name ter Mist’r Mount’n Fowel,
an’ tell de fokes he’s kin ter Jedge Eagle’s fambly, so he kin git vit’d
ter de fine parties.
“His pa say, ‘Fokes kin tell yo’ buzzard lope’ soon es you starts ter
dancin’.’
“He say he ain’ gwine dance no ‘buzzard lope,’ dat he gwine ‘cut de
pigeon wing.’
“His ma ax him, ‘Whatchu gwine do ’bout marryin’ yo’ cousin Ashy
Car’on Crow?’
“He say he done fergit all ’bout dat ole black, warty head’d crow, dat
he gwine marry Miss Tishy Peafowel.
“His pa tell him he dunno nuthin’ tall erbout dis new fangled way er
doin’, dat he allus heahs de ole fokes say birds bett’r stick ter der
own fe’th’r.
“He stan’ up an’ sass his pa scan’lous, an’ say jes’ ’caze his fambly
wus buzzards, dat ain’ no rees’n fur him ter be one. He say he mo’
finer lookin’ dan dem. ‘In fack,’ sez he, ‘I’m jes’ like dem Eagle boys,
an’ I’m gwine pass off fur one de fambly, too.’
“Ole lady Buzzard cry an’ beg him ter stay at home; she say ef he
jes’ make er man er hisse’f, he kin be de bigges’ buzzard on Dead
Man.
“He pat his ma on de back, an’ laf’ sorter gran’ like an’ say, ‘’Ooman
fokes am’ got ’nuf sense ter ’vise in men fokes ’fars.’ Den he flop his
wings an’ come flyin’ ’zackly like dem Eagle boys flies.
“Whin de birds on Tink’r seed him comin’, dey ’gun ter pass
jedgement ’bout who hit mout be. Sum says hit’s one, sum says hit’s
ernuth’r, but all uv ’em says one thing dey knows fur sartin an’ sho,
—’Tain’ no ole buzzard.”
Willis had come slowly, step by step, until he had climbed up by
Mary Van, on the joggling board.
“Big Eye Buzzard sorter circle ’roun’ lookin’ fur er good place ter
light. Bimeby, he see Doct’r Peckerwood lancin’ er bile on one dese
tall Pine trees, an’ he start circlin’ ’roun’ de Pine tree. Atter while
heah he come an’ light on de ve’y top’es lim’. Doct’r Peckerwood
howdy sorter short ter him, ’caze he bizzy tryin’ ter keep de Pine tree
fum moanin’ ov’r de bile, but er lit’le thing like dat doan both’r Big
Eye, he up an’ spon’, ‘I’m feelin’ poly m’se’f, an’ I stop ter git sum
med’cine, an’ ax Mist’r Tall Pine ef he kin spar’ me er room.’
“Doct’r Peckerwood ax him wharbouts he hu’t, an’ wharbouts he
come fum, an’ what’s his name, an’ whut he bin eatin’? Yer see
Doct’r Peckerwood want ter git sum news ’long wid de symptoms.
“Big Eye say, ‘I’m tendin’ ter sum biznes’ fur m’ Unkle Jedge Eagle,
an’ I ain’ eat nuthin’ sense I lef’ Mill Mount’in, whar de Eagleses lives
at.’
“Doct’r Peck’rwood say, ‘Surt’n’ly he heah fokes tell ’bout de great
Jedge Eagle, an’ fur him ter stay right dar tell he git good an’ well,
’caze he know Mist’r Pine Tree ain’ nuv’r had one er de Eagle fambly
at his house b’fo’.’
“Tall Pine say, ‘I’m pow’ful po’ly m’sef, but hit ’ud make me proud ef
yer kin make yerse’f comf’bul, an’ stay.’
“Oh, I tell yer, dem Tree Frogs an’ Lizzarts ’buse Mist’r Mount’in
Fowel scan’lous. Dey sez he keep ’em runnin’ ev’y which er way all
de time, an’ he ain’ give ’em so much es er ole par er shoes.
“Doct’r Peck’rwood g’long ov’r ter Miss Chicken Hawkes’s ter give
one de chillun er dost er cast’r oil, an’ he tell ’em dat de gentmun
dey seed wus Mist’r Mount’in Fowel, an’ he wus kin ter Jedge Eagle.
An’ Polly Parret wus spindin’ de day wid Miss Chickin Hawk dat day,
an’ whin de Doct’r g’long off, An’ Polly make Miss Chicken Hawk fix
up er nice chickin fur her ter car’y up ter Big Eye. Miss Chickin Hawk
want one er her gals ter take de chickin, but An’ Polly say dey too
young ter be projickin’ ’roun’ whar gentmuns is at, but hit doan
make no diffunce ’bout er ole maid like her. Well, she car’d de
chickin, an’ she brung back de news.—Big Eye stuff her so full, dat
she can’ hardly fly wid hit. She come ter Miss Magpie’s house, an’ I
tell yer dey wus jes’ waitin’ fur her. Dey runs out ter meet her, an’
she bile ov’r ’fo’ she git in de house, an’ ’fo’ she git plum th’u, dem
Magpie gals had done put on der fine close, an’ wus totin’ dat news
’roun’ like er gun wus b’hime ’em. Fokes sont him fine vit’als ter eat,
an’ say soon es he git so es ter be erbout, dey gwine ’vite him ter
some parties.
“All dis time, Big Eye settin’ up on dat lim’ gorgin’ hisse’f wid der fine
vit’als, an’ mos’ killin’ hisse’f laffin’ ’bout how fokes loves ter be
fool’d. He know hits ’bout time fur him ter be gittin’ well, an’ he set
an’ studdy how he gwine git de money ter keep up wid de hifalutin’
a’rs dese fine fokes puts on. Long ’bout dat time, Sis’ Cow’s cousin
take an’ die. Dey keeps her out er day er two, ’caze dey fixin’ ter
have er fine fun’al. Big Eye git well soon es he heah ’bout dat dead
cow. He flop his wings an’ fly back ter Dead Man’s Mount’in, an’ tell
de buzzards he got er fine piece er meat ter sell ’em cheap. Dey
barg’ins right den an’ dar fur all de dead an’mals on Tink’r, an’ Big
Eye sign de corntrack part, ef dey promise dey nuv’r is ter come on
Tink’r ter git ’em, ’cep’n on de dark er de moon.”

“BIMEBY HE GIT AX’D TER BE ER PAWL B’ARER TER ALL UV ’EM.”

“Let ’em come in the daytime, Mammy, they can’t see in the dark,”
suggested Willis.
“Big Eye know dey’d run him clean off’n Tinker Knob ef dem fokes
see he git his livin’ off’n der mis’ry. Nex’ day hyah he come flyin’
back wid er big bunch er fun’al flow’rs wid ribbin streamers flyin’ ev’y
which er way. Fokes wint ter de fun’al jes’ ter see de flow’rs.
Ev’ybody talkin’ ’bout de gran’nes’ er Mist’r Mount’in Fowel, an’ how
he ’tend all de berryin’s, doan keer who ’tis. An’ bimeby he git ax’d
ter be er pawl b’arer ter all uv ’em.
“Miss Chickin Hawk give er party long ’bout den, an’ Big Eye he act
mouty nice ter her gals, tell Mist’r Turkey Gobl’r ’vite him ter his
house, den he fergit he ev’r heah tell er de Chicken Hawkeses. He
runnin’ ev’y minite ter Mist’r Turkey Gobl’rs house, makin’ like he
wus dancin’ ’tendance on Mandy Gobl’r, an’ all he wanter do is ter git
er peep at Tishy Peafowel dat live nex’ do’. Oh, I tell yer he talk
purty talk ter Mandy, but he cas’ dem sheep eyes at Tish. Bimeby,
Mandy, she pass Big Eye de ’quaintance uv Tishy ov’r de fence, an’
hit ’tain’t long ’fo’ Big Eye gits er invite ov’r ter Majer Peafowel’s.
Whin dat hap’n, hit look like he done fergit wharbouts Mandy live,
an’ po’ Mandy she look out de wind’r an’ see Big Eye an’ Tishy
sashain’ in de yard, lovin’ harder’n er mule kin kick.
“Majer Peafowel say he want Tishy ter mar’y Johnny Squinch Owel,
’caze he’s de bigges’ lawyer on Tinker. But Tishy say he too ugly ter
look at, let lone ter mar’y.
“Johnny Squinch ain’ sayin’ nuthin’, he jes’ keepin’ er lookout fur Big
Eye. He see Big Eye go out sumwhars ev’y dark er de moon, an’ he
low he gwine fol’r ’im an’ see whut he do. ’Caze yer knows de dark’r
hit gits, de bet’rer Squinch Owels kin see.”
“How can he see in the dark?”
“I dunno how ’tis, Ma’y Van, but de Lawd fixes owels eyes so dey kin
’ten’ ter der night biznes’, an’ whin fokes gits ter lovin’ an’ gits in er
tight place like Johnny Squinch wus, de Lawd fixes der eyes so dey
kin see th’u de dark an’ ev’y which er way, too. One night on de dark
er de moon, Big Eye start out ter meet de buzzards. He got fo’
hosses, an’ two cows, an’ er pass’l er birds. Big Eye, he wus jes’ er
takin’ in de money I tell yer. He can’t see hit, but he kin feel uv hit,
an’ he know dey darsn’t ter cheat him. But Johnny Squinch settin’ up
on er lim’ jes’ ov’r his haid,—he kin count de money, yassuh, ev’y
cent uv hit, too. Dey ain’ no eyes kin see like Johnny Squinch’s,
’speshally whin dey’s lovin’. De nex’ day, Majer Peafowel fly up ter
Pine Tree Holl’r ter see Mist’r Mount’in Fowel ’bout whut Johnny tell
him.”
“Mammy, could Major Peafowl fly up to the top of Mister Tall Pine?”
asked Mary Van in amazement.
“Who sed he fly up ter de top? I sed he wint up ter de Pine Tree
Holl’r. De Majer ain’ gwine bus’ in nobody’s room les’n he sen’ his
cyard up fus’,—an’ how you know dey ain’ got one dem ellumvat’rs
like de new hotel got?”
“Oh!” apologetically, she exclaimed.
Phyllis continued, “Whin de Majer ax him ’bout las’ night’s biznes’,
Big Eye look him straight in de eye an’ bus’ out laffin’, like hit wus de
bes’ joke he ev’r heah. He say he wush ter de Lawd he had er
know’d Johnny Squinch wus dar, ’caze he nuv’r wud er bin helt up by
dem night rob’rs. He tell him, ’cose he wus countin’ money, but hit
wus de money de Jedge give ’im, an’ he say he bleege ter count hit
out fur de rob’rs, ’caze dey belt er pist’l in his ribs.
“De Majer brung de news home ter Tishy, an’ she say Johnny jes’
tellin’ tales on Mount’in Fowel, but Johnny tell her Mount’in Fowel
ain’ nuthin’ but er big ole low down buzzard, an’ he gwine proof hit
ter her.
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