Models

By
Mark Manson
This is the most mature and honest guide on how a man can attract
women without faking behavior, without lying and without emulating others.
Part 1: Reality
What are women most attracted to? The answer is social status. Women
desired men who mare more powerful, successful, and popular than they are.
If they believe you have the ability to be extremely successful or not, it will
spark the attention. It’s your behavior that communicates your social status.
It’s why the starving artists have no trouble finding a girlfriend. The second
attraction trigger is being desired. Being physically assertive with a girl instead
of just standing next to her is a huge step you can take to spark her attention.
The third is true confidence; true confidence being less invested in other
people’s perception of you than in your perception of yourself. Women
subconsciously detect it. Not having it will make you seek validation from
other. To build true confidence, you must invest in yourself. A major
contributor to confidence is the ability to be vulnerable. It’s the ability to not
be afraid of what people think of you and to be okay with yourself, not the
petty complain, whine, and cry-to-your-girlfriend kind of vulnerability. Going
up to a woman be like “I was nervous to come talk to you but I had to because
you are beautiful,” that’s being vulnerable. You might get told that you are
giving away your power by the pickup guys but Manson disagrees because if
you hide your attraction or nervousness, she’ll sense that as a lack of
authenticity. Another contributor to self-confidence is setting boundaries.
Willing to walk away because she doesn’t meet your standard is unbelievably
attractive.
Part 2: Strategy: Polarization & Rejection
Everything that is attractive is polarizing. Polarizing is to make a stand in
one direction. If you agree with everything she says to you because you want
her to like you, then you are not making a stand for yourself. There are three
categories of women: receptive, neutral, and unreceptive. Unreceptive is
typically a waste of your time. Neutral women will either become receptive or
unreceptive. You have a window of opportunity to polarize her with her
behavior. Take an action that forces her to make a decision like flirting with her
or asking her out on a date. You have nothing to lose because if you don’t do
anything, she will become unreceptive but if you make a move, you’ll have a
chance with her. Receptive woman are already attracted to you. A few signs
she is receptive is if she approaches you, touches you, makes strong eye
contact, gives you her number, or introduces you to her friends. But it is rare
and it’s usually up to you to make a first move. The key to get better with
women faster than you thought possible, is to always gauge the interaction
and how the girl is feeling. “The percentage of women who are receptive to
you increases proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status
and your looks.”
Rejection
The first step to overcoming rejection is to accept that you will get
rejected. It usually has nothing to do with you. She may have a boyfriend. She
may be going away tomorrow. Someone close to her passed away. These
events are outside of your control. If you only experience rejection every time
you approach, it’s likely because you are not near your truth. You lack self-
awareness of your own needs and desires, and carry emotional baggage with
you. You also lack an ability to integrate feedback. So if you keep trying a
technique and it constantly fails, you need to examine why and decide if you’ll
do something differently next time.
Redefining Success
If you don’t define success with women the right way, you’ll waste years
of effort. A trap is to measure your success by metrics like flake percentages,
rejection rates, and lay counts. You should redefine success as maximizing
happiness with whichever woman or women you prefer. Instead of being so
focused on such things as lay counts.
The 3 Fundamentals
1. Honest Living: Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle
2. Honest Action: Overcoming your fears and anxiety around women
3. Honest Communication: Mastering the expression of your emotions
and communicating fluidly
Part 3: Honest Living
Demographics: Ask yourself: Which women do you want to meet and
what kind of relationship do I want with them? To be successful with the type
you want, you need to understand context. It’s rarely mentioned in the dating
world but it is absolutely important. Picture a 40-year old divorced banker
meeting a woman at a museum and a 18-year old college kid sneaking into a
house party to see a girl, giving them the same advice would be stupid. The
men have different priorities, life experiences, personalities, and interests.
Women in these locations will be drastically different.
Beliefs and Self-Selections
If you believe all women are sluts and untrustworthy, then you will only
attract women who are sluts and untrustworthy. Age, Money, Looks. They
matter. Not a lot, but they still matter and anybody who tells you otherwise is
lying or ignorant. You don’t have control over your age but us men are lucky
because our physical attractiveness peaks at 31 but for women it’s 21. Money
you do have control over, it just takes a different way of thinking, execution,
and patience to get out of a crappy financial situation. How you present
yourself is more important than your physical dimensions like your oddly
shaped jaw-line. Heck you can even disguise your oddly shaped jawline by
growing and trimming a beard in a particular way.
Race and the Foreigner Effect
You can automatically increase your attraction by going to another
country where you are considered exotic.
How to be attractive
Appearance: Start grooming and maintaining yourself. That means
showering, shaving, wearing deodorant, and brushing your teeth. Wear clothes
that match, clothes that fit, and clothes that match your personality. And get in
shape. When you do these things, your dating life will literally become 3x
easier.
Body Language: Stand straight with your shoulders back. Look people in the
eye and maintain eye contact until they break it. It may feel weird at first, but
this will train you to be more aware of people’s reactions to you.
Vocal Tonality: Speak louder. And also speak from your chest, not from your
mouth. This will make your voice deeper.
How to Be a Fascinating Person: Most guys come off as just another guy. To
become more interesting, develop artistic taste, try new things, and have
strong opinions. Practice articulating why you like or don’t like a movie and
share that strong opinion.

Part 4: Honest Actions

What Are Your Stories?

What are your stories? What do you tell yourself to justify that internal
resistance inside you? And what stories can you tell yourself instead to remove
as much of that resistance as possible? The only important “skill" in dating is
learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to stop believing your own
stories. The resistance is constant. You must fight against it, and ultimately
take action. Most of us have a lot of fear and shame bundled up in our
sexuality. These fears usually manifest themselves in a handful of very specific
scenarios.
 How to Overcome Anxiety

Stories could be something like “I’ve been with prettier girls”, “I need to
be dressed better to meet women”. We tell those stories to get out of our
anxiety and tell ourselves it’s ok to not act. Manson says that “The needier you
are, the more anxiety you have”. Anxiety stems from our unwillingness to be
vulnerable. The first step to overcome our anxieties is to understand the
pattern we fall into.

How to take actions

Manson recommends you do not try to suppress your fear but embrace
it. Top athletes and great speakers are also nervous before going on stage. But
they channel their anxiety into a great performance. He also says a common
way to address people’s fear is to expose them to extreme scenarios so that
anything from there will seem easier. But Manson says while that’s helpful, it’s
not optimal. People will try to avoid those extreme scenarios in future because
they’re just too big to tackle again. And they’d wake up a week after and be
back to square one again. You should start small with something you can bear,
then do a lot of it and build up from there. Fear doesn’t go away, it just
changes shape.

Part 5: Honest Communication

Intentions

There’s no such thing as a guy who’s good with women who isn’t
sometimes creepy. If you’re open about your sexuality, that’s going to weird
some women out, but that’s fine since you don’t want them anyway. For
instance, let’s say you meet a woman and just come right out and say, “I think
you’re beautiful, I’d like to take you on a date.” it’s one of the most powerful
and practical things you can say. Not only is it vulnerable, as we’ve discussed at
length, but it also builds far more sexual tension. Here are ways to improve
your honest, deeper connections:

1. Becoming aware of your own emotions, motivations and life story.

 2. Taking the lead by sharing those emotions, motivations and life story
first.

3. Sharing first creates trust and encourages her to open up and share
herself in return.

Manson also suggests you don’t simply tell something like “Oh I like that too”,
but tell why you like it and relate to it in your life in a way that builds
emotional trust and connection.

Flirting & Conversations

First impression is important. The exact words you say are far less
important than your intention and level of anxiety. You can ask a woman how
her day is going, or say the most perceptive and witty thing to her in the first
minutes, but her first impression is largely going to be based on how you
present yourself, your level of anxiety, and your ability to communicate clearly.

Here are ways to make better first impressions:

 Do not startle or scare her when you approach her.

 When in doubt on how to approach a woman, simply walk up and
introduce yourself and explain to her that you wanted to meet
her. During the day, I often preface the introduction by saying something
like, "Excuse me, this is kind of random…” Also during the day, I usually
tell them that I think they’re cute.
 Don’t linger. Imagine a straight line between you and her, and when
you’re ready to go, follow that straight line until you’re standing right in
front of her.
 Smile. Always smile. But smile like you’re a nice, friendly person. A
comfortable smile. Lean back. Stand up tall. Speak loudly yet clearly.
Make strong eye contact. Introduce yourself and stick out your hand.
Give a firm handshake.

Use effective language and eliminate filler word. Instead of asking her a
question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state
it. Here are some examples:

 “Where are you from?” translates to: “You look like a California girl.”
  “What do you do for work?” translates to: “You seem to be a creative
person. I bet your job is interesting.”
 “How do you guys know each other?” translates to: “You guys look like
you’ve been friends for a long time.”

You should cold-read as much as possible. Any time you’re asking a question
that requires a factual answer; take a stab at the answer instead of asking. It’s
better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be
afraid to just blurt something out. If you teach yourself to recognize jump off
points and take advantage of them as soon as possible, you’ll be able to sustain
a conversation with almost anybody indefinitely. And use humor; It’s only
useful if used in conjunction with leading her in a dominant manner and
pushing things physically with her. Also don’t use self-deprecating humour.

The Dating Process

Don’t do lunch dates, and never make an afternoon date the first date if
possible. 6-9pm is ideal. No movie dates for first or second dates. Good date
locations are locations that are active, participatory, and allow for touching
and flirting. And Once you’ve researched and found 4-6 venues and activities
near your place that you enjoy doing, that are good date activities and are
easily accessible, it’s time to start putting them together and do multiple things
on each date. You should be doing 2-4 things on every date. The underlying
concept here to have on a date is that you should try to constantly be leading.

Physicality and Sex

The rule of thumb when you’re not sure when to escalate is to go

for it. It’s better being rejected than doing nothing and not knowing what
could have been. Manson recommends grunts and dirty talks once you’re
getting down to it. Tell her that she’s sexy and you enjoy having sex with
her. Just be convinced and into it yourself.
Quotes:
“You cannot be a powerful and life-changing presence to some people without
being a joke or an embarrassment to others.”
“Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s
there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.”
“Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not
good for each other.”
“The less you talk about your shame, the more of it you have.”
“Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage.” - Anais Nin”
“Humans are attracted to each other’s rough edges.”
“intentions are always speaking ten times louder than your actual words. What
are they saying?”
“Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s
like?”

Source: https://www.grahammann.net/book-notes/models-mark-
manson
https://www.nateliason.com/notes/models-mark-manson
https://youtu.be/O39e-anzbiQ
https://youtu.be/6t6xT_98x-I
https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/17738303-models-attract-women-
through-honesty