Before the lights come up, a voice announces the title of the story: VOICE "The New Adventures

of Stan Powerburst Chapter One - Planet of Death!" Lights come up on surface of the planet Fettatonia. Somewhere on the stage there must be a piece of scenery on the ground, - such as a rock or a plant, that can be used to mask one character's head when he lies down on the stage at the end of this piece. Enter our hero STAN POWERBURST and his loyal sidekick TOG THE TANGORIAN. Stan is a native of Earth. Tog is from the planet Tangor. They enter with ray-guns drawn, keeping a watchful eye for enemies. STAN See any signs of dangerous indigenous life forms? TOG Yes. STAN (tensing) Where? TOG Right over there. There's a big sign saying, "Beware of dangerous indigenous life forms!" Tog points offstage to the sign. Stan looks at the sign and relaxes. STAN Good. As we say on earth, "Forewarned is forearmed." TOG As we say on my home planet Tangor, "Fourarmed is cozy, eight-armed is a violation of my personal space." STAN Do you think it's safe for the girls to come out of the ship?

TOG I don't think it's safe to leave them alone in there. Stan, haven't you noticed, - they don't like each other? STAN That's crazy, Tog. Betty's the greatest girl I've ever known. She likes everyone, and everyone likes her! Stan takes a communications device out of his pocket and uses it to contact the ladies. STAN Betty? We think it is safe for you and Han-Dar to come out. But be careful. We've seen signs of dangerous indigenous life-forms! TOG One sign. STAN One sign. But it's a big sign. Stan turns off the communications device. STAN The thing I don't understand is - why would Doctor Zadwick come to such a dangerous place. TOG He was probably hoping to find a cure for something, maybe Septamyocytrosis. You never know when you'll find some exotic plant life that will cure some horrible disease. One of our great Tangorian doctors once found a little purple weed that could cure death. STAN Cure death????

TOG Unfortunately the side effect was that you developed an uncontrollable urge to clog dance. The weed was eradicated. STAN I thought only Earth knew about clog dancing. TOG Every planet in the universe knows about clog dancing. Earth is the only planet where it isn't a capital offense. Enter BETTY COLLINS (Stan's girlfriend) and HAN-DAR, a beautifully exotic alien woman. Han-Dar rushes to Stan and takes his hands in hers. She flirts with Stan outrageously. Betty glares at them. HAN-DAR Stan! Do you think we'll find my father here? STAN His papers said he was going to the planet Fettatonia - and that's where we are. Why wouldn't we find him? BETTY Maybe he's hiding. HAN-DAR Why would my father be hiding? BETTY Maybe he doesn't like his relatives. STAN Oh, Betty! If his other relatives are as nice as Han-Dar, I'm sure he likes them all. Tog thinks maybe Dr. Zadwick came here searching for a cure for a disease. HAN-DAR Everyone agrees he is the only one who could find a cure for the Septamyocytrosis that's wiping out my home world! Stan, it was so brave of you to volunteer for this mission!

STAN We're glad to do it, aren't we Betty? BETTY (burning with jealousy) Sure. We couldn't be gladder. STAN Betty, is something wrong? BETTY No... Yes!!! Why do we have to keep volunteering for these missions? Why can't we ever go back to Earth and help someone there? Why do you have to keep losing your head over every death-trap in the universe? STAN Betty, you know I could never lose my head over anything but you! Enter a horrible MAN-BEAST! (Actually, the Man-Beast is not really so horrible. The ManBeast is a normal man, dressed in rags, with some plastic fangs in his mouth and some markings on his face that can easily be removed with a damp cloth, so that in the next chapter he can do an on-stage transformation to a normal human - but at the moment, he is a savage Man-Beast!!!) It roars, and attacks Stan and Tog, knocking them down before they can use their ray-guns. Stan falls so that his head is hidden by a piece of scenery. (Alternatively, Stan could fall down with the upper part of his body off-stage, in the wings.) The Man-Beast reaches down and pulls off a very unrealistic prop version of Stan's head. The Man-Beast triumphantly holds the head aloft for all to see. Betty screams! The Man-Beast drops the head and chases Betty off-stage. Han-Dar runs off in terror in the other direction.

Lights come up on surface of the planet Fettatonia, not two far from where Chapter One took place. Somewhere on the ground is a large, rotten piece of alien fruit. Something made of mashed bananas might be appropriate. Enter our heroine, BETTY COLLINS, pursued by the malevolent MAN-BEAST. Betty screams and the Man-Beast roars. BETTY Get away from me, you monster! You killed Stan Starburst, the only man I'll ever love! You ripped off his head! The Man-Beast roars and lunges at her. Betty dodges and falls. She picks up the only thing available to use as a weapon, the piece of alien fruit, and smashes it into the Man-Beast's face. The Man-Beast is stunned, and slowly transforms into DR. ZADWICK. (The actor playing the role can remove his make-up as he removes the rotten fruit from his face. DR. ZADWICK You've done it! You found the cure! You beautiful girl! I could kiss you! BETTY Stay back! How can you think I would kiss a monster who ripped off the head of the only man I'll ever love? DR. ZADWICK Dear child, I haven't ripped off anyone's head. Enter STAN STARBURST and TOG THE TANGORIAN. Tog carries the thing that looks slightly like a bad prop version of Stan's head - which Dr. Zadwick (as the Man-Beast) ripped off in Chapter One. STAN That's right, Betty. He hasn't! BETTY Stan! She runs to his arms. After a quick embrace, she asks: BETTY But your head? How...

STAN I don't want to sound conceited, Betty, but do you really think this looks like me? Tog tosses Stan the head prop, and Stan holds it up so that Betty can compare it to Stan's head. BETTY Well... not exactly.... But what is it? DR. ZADWICK That is the rare Head-Plant of Fettatonia so named because of its uncanny resemblance to the head of so many humanoid life forms. It's the reason I came to this planet . I had reason to | believe its properties might cure for the plague of Septamyocytrosis that has decimated my home world of Thalencia. I found that digesting the Head-Plant would indeed cure Septamyocytrosis. Unfortunately, the same properties that cure that dread disease also have a side-effect - anyone who ingests it turns into a ravening Man-Beast. BETTY Oh dear! DR. ZADWICK I found out about the side effect when I tried the treatment out on myself. First I exposed myself to the Septamyocytrosis virus, and then I ingested the Head-Plant. To my horror, I turned into a Man-Beast. But then when this delightful young woman exposed my skin to the pulp of the Fettatonian Blazo Fruit, it turned me back to myself, with no side effects! STAN Your daughter will be very glad to see you! Has anyone seen her? DR. ZADWICK Daughter? I have no daughter!

BETTY I knew it! He's so ashamed of her, he's blocked her from his memory! DR. ZADWICK No! Really! I have no daughter! STAN Maybe this is a side effect of the Blazo Fruit. TOG Should we try smacking him with other plants? Enter HAN-DAR with a ray-gun drawn. HAN-DAR That will not be necessary! DR. ZADWICK You brought Han-Dar here? Do you realize what you have done? I would rather have died of Septamyocytrosis than face this vile and foul abomination! STAN I don't think that's a nice way to talk about your daughter! BETTY In this case, I disagree. DR. ZADWICK She isn't my daughter! She is an assassin from the planet Malaciente, the sworn enemy of my home planet Thalencia. No doubt she has come here to kill me. HAN-DAR No doubt! STAN But when we met you on Thalencia, you begged us to help you find Dr. Zadwick, so he could cure your planet of Septamyocytrosis!

HAN-DAR But I really wanted you to find him so I could kill him before he could find the cure! Did you find the cure, Doctor? DR. ZADWICK Yes, I did. If you have any humanity at all, you'll let me save millions of lives. HAN-DAR Millions of Thalencian lives! No, I'd rather kill you all! BETTY You see what I mean, Stan! This always happens to us! Couldn't we just go one day without someone trying to kill us? HAN-DAR I'm going to do more than try! Han-Dar shoots Betty, Tog, Stan and Dr. Zadwick, who all fall down, apparently dead!

Lights come up on surface of the planet Fettatonia, where Chapter Two ended. HAN-DAR, the assassin from Malaciente, has just used her ray-gun to shoot STAN POWERBURST, BETTY COLLINS, TOG THE TANGORIAN, and DR. ZADWICK. On the ground lies the Head-Plant from the previous chapters. Han-Dar's personal communications device makes a signal. She answers it. HAN-DAR This is Han-Dar. Report! The voice of an AGENT from the planet Malaciente comes over the communications device, loudly enough so we can hear it. AGENT'S VOICE Do not kill Dr. Zadwick! I repeat, do not kill Dr. Zadwick!

HAN-DAR But that's what you hired me to do! AGENT'S VOICE Have you killed him?

` HAN-DAR No. He's just unconscious. I'm going to make it look like a wild beast killed them. Why don't you want me to kill him? AGENT'S VOICE Our own planet Malaciente has become overrun with the Septamyocytrosis virus! We need the cure! HAN-DARS MOTHER Oh help Han-Dar Ive been also affected by the virus.. AGENTS VOICE And I also forgot to say youre mother is in critical condition

HAN DAR Oh mother! Are you sure it's Septamyocytrosis? Agent ___ AGENT'S VOICE The symptoms are unmistakable! First the victims feel warm, then hot. Then unbearably hot! Soon they start to sweat. Then, abruptly, the victim gets the chills. (Han-Dar shivers.) This is often followed by a coughing spell, (Han-Dar coughs.) and sneezing. (Hand-Dar sneezes.) Han-Dar! Did I hear you coughing and sneezing? HAN-DAR Mind your own business! AGENT'S VOICE You must revive Dr. Zadwick! It's our only hope!!! Han-Dar turns off her communications device. She adjusts the setting on her ray-gun, and tries to shoot it at Zadwick, but she is so weak from the illness that she shoots at Zadwick, Stan, Betty and Tog. They all re-gain consciousness. DR. ZADWICK I'm not dead? HAN-DAR You're the doctor. You tell me. Are you? DR. ZADWICK No. Which means you must need me for something. Which probably means you've come down with Septamyocytrosis! HAN-DAR I need the cure. BETTY Wow, what an interesting ethical dilemma! Should we just let her die, or should we kick her in the head first, and then let her die?

STAN Betty! You know you don't mean that! We need to set an example for people like Han-Dar! DR. ZADWICK How do we know she won't kill us all as soon as she is cured? HAN-DAR I will give you my word of honor. Han-Dar keeps a straight face for a moment, then starts to giggle. Then Dr. Zadwick starts to giggle. Then everyone laughs hysterically. Then everyone regains their composure. DR. ZADWICK No, seriously.... HAN-DAR You will do it because you believe what Stan Starburst said. You believe that you can reach people by setting a good example. BETTY Or by kicking them in the head. STAN Betty! Betty looks like she could spit nails, but she realizes she'll never win this argument. BETTY All right! Let's cure her!

All right. DR. ZADWICK We'll need a Head-Plant and a Blazo Fruit! STAN Here's the Head-Plant! Come on, Tog, let's go find a Blazo Fruit! Stan and Tog run off-stage. Han-Dar is dying. She struggles to speak.

HAN-DAR You are like me, Betty Collins. Merciless! Strong!

Han-Dar coughs and collapses. Betty looks disgusted. BETTY Oh, all right. Have some Head-Plant! Betty feeds some of the Head-Plant to Han-Dar. DR. ZADWICK No! Not 'til we have the Blazo Fruit! But the warning comes too late. The Head-Plant turns Han-Dar into a raging Beast-Woman. Han-Dar lunges to her feet. She tosses Dr. Zadwick aside and begins strangling Betty. BETTY Stan!!! Stan runs back on-stage. He struggles with Han-Dar. Han-Dar uses one hand to strangle Betty and the other to strangle Stan. Then Tog runs in with a Blazo Fruit which he smashes into HanDar's face. Han-Dar sinks to her knees. STAN Han-Dar, are you all right? Han-Dar wipes away the muck of the Blazo fruit. She is transformed in mind and body.

HAN-DAR I've never felt better. It's as though a veil has been lifted, and I see now for the first time that genocide is wrong! Come on, Dr. Zadwick, let's go save the people of Thalencia and the people of Malaciente! Han-Dar helps Dr. Zadwick up and leads him off-stage.

AS THEY REACHED THE PLANET MALACIENTE DR. ZADWICK INJECTED THE CURE TO THE MALACIENTENS

HAN-DARS MOTHER Oh! My daughter you never failed us AGENT Good job Han-dar!! QUEEN KLONG thank you for saving us Han-Dar youre mother really raised you will And to you Dr.Zadwick you save the millions of people of Malaciente. You give us new life and even our planet is youre planets enemy. What can we do as an act of youre kindness

DR. ZADWICK Oh! Queen Klong my only wish is that I can go back to my beloved home planet Thalencia so I can give the cure to my fellow Thalencians

QUEEN KLONG As you wish Dr. Zadwick my servants would be the one to guide you in youre way home

And to you Stan Powerburst and youre friends Betty Collins and Tog the Tongorian as an honor of youre braveness you can a ask anything you want STAN Oh youre Imperial Radiance me and my friends just only wish that youre planet and the planet of Thalencia would be united QUEEN KLONG Such a good heart of you earthmans, worry no more because from this day on me and my kingdom considered planet Thalencia as our friends

AND FROM THAT DAY ON THE PLANET THALENCIANS AND THE PLANET MALACIENTE IS LIVING PEACE AND THERE WERE NO MORE WAR BETWEEN THE TWO PLANET

STAN Another mission successfully concluded! Come on, Betty and Tog! There's a whole universe of adventures out there, waiting just for us!