IGCSE English - Writing fiction

Writing fiction involves coming up with creative and original ideas to develop interesting
pieces of writing. Find inspiration in your own experiences and the real world.

How to structure your writing effectively

It is important to structure your work carefully so that a reader can follow your ideas.
Whether you’re writing a story, poem or biography, a strong structure will help keep your
reader engaged.

An engaging opening
In a fictional narrative, the first paragraph should hook the reader and grab their attention.
You might do this by describing the setting and giving specific detail in a way that sets the
tone for the rest of the story.

You can also make a convincing start by using dialogue or by dropping your reader directly
into action. For example, Suzanne Collins opens The Hunger Games with:

When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim's
warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad
dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping.

The reader knows the location of the story and the voice of the main character. The hook
comes in the final sentence. The reader has to ask ’what is the reaping?’ A successful
opening invites the reader to ask questions about the rest of the piece.

A convincing close
Aim to finish your writing in a convincing way, providing a realistic and believable ending to
the narrative. Try to resolve the story and leave your reader feeling satisfied with the way
the story ends.

Using the same tense

It is easiest to write in past tense, describing events as if they happened a few days, weeks
or years ago. Be clear about the distance in time and use the same tense throughout your
writing.
Here is a basic reminder of present and past tense verbs:

Present tense Past tense

I walk I walked
She laughs She laughed
He is thinking He was thinking
Dafydd goes to the window Dafydd went to the window

An appropriate timeline of events

One way to plot a narrative is to follow a story arc. This structure uses an opening that
hooks the reader and sets the scene, followed by an introduction to the character’s
thoughts and feelings, a development of the storyline, a turning point and finally a
resolution.

This is called a five-stage story and can be applied to most stories. Think back to the last
book you read - where were the five points to the story?

For example, Romeo and Juliet:

1. Hook - the play opens in Verona, where two families are involved in an ongoing feud
against one another.
2. Character introduction - we meet Romeo, and then Juliet.
 3. Development - our two characters fall in love, ignoring their family feud. Romeo kills
Juliet’s cousin, Tybalt, and is banished. A number of mishaps lead to Juliet faking her
own death and Romeo failing to learn of her plan.
4. Turning point - Romeo arrives to find Juliet ‘dead’, and takes his own life. Juliet,
upon waking, sees Romeo dead and kills herself.
5. Resolution - Both families learn a valuable lesson about the consequences of their
ongoing conflict: they have each lost a member of their family.

Next time you read a book or watch a film/television programme, consider the five stages of
the story - at which point do you discover more about the characters? What obstacles do
the characters face? What is the turning point? How is the story resolved in a believable
way?

Paragraphing

How to use paragraphing to structure a piece of writing

Once you have planned your writing, it is important to think about the layout. Use the
content of each paragraph within your work to ensure your ideas are well organised and
they follow a logical order.

Paragraphs should direct your reader through your writing, or create a particular effect. A
good way to remember when to start a new paragraph is by using the TiP ToP acronym:

Time, Place, Topic, Person

Start a new paragraph whenever you are:

 moving to a different time in your story

 changing location
 bringing in a new idea
 introducing a new character
 starting a new piece of action
 starting dialogue
You can also use paragraphs to highlight tense or significant moments within your story. For
example, a one-sentence paragraph is likely to add tension or highlight a turning point in a
narrative.

When you start a new paragraph, ask yourself the questions:

 Is the narrative moving forward to a different moment in time?

 Is the narrative moving to another location?
 Is the narrative moving on to a next phase?
 Do you want to create a specific moment of tension?

Vocabulary

Using vocabulary to create effects

Using a wide range of vocabulary demonstrates a strong command of language. More
importantly, your vocabulary choices should make your writing more lively, engaging and
interesting to read.

Using particular techniques to create a specific effect

You can use figurative devices such as similes and metaphors in your writing. These can add
colour and depth to your narrative, allowing your readers to relate to the scenes you
describe.

Take care to match your figurative language to the mood of your piece. For example, if you
are writing about a topic that is particularly sad or sinister, 'the clouds gathered conspiringly
overhead, the rumbles of thunder like whispers between them’ would probably be more
fitting than ‘the clouds above me were as fluffy as marshmallows’.

Using the senses in your writing

Using senses in your writing is a useful way of zooming in on details. Some people focus on
the visual aspects of a scene. By including sounds, smells, feelings and (where appropriate)
tastes you can really bring your writing to life.

Compare these two descriptions of a forest:

The trees were tall and an owl sat on a low branch above me. The green leaves were dark,
even by the light of the moon.

An owl screeched from the low branch above me. I couldn’t make out the tops of the trees,
no matter how far I craned back my neck. The green leaves seemed to whir in the cool
breeze. The moon failed to pierce the darkness.

Notice how appealing to the senses makes the second version more vivid.

Show, don’t tell

In real life we learn about people from their clothes and belongings as well as from the
things they tell us. We understand someone’s mood from their facial expressions,
movements and tone of voice – we don’t need someone to tell us they are in a bad mood…
we can usually figure it out from the way they are shouting!

It is the same when you read. Instead of telling your readers everything about a character,
try to show them instead.

For example:

Telling - The woman walked into the room looking intimidating and angry.

Showing - The woman stormed into the room, her black coat flying behind her. Her scowl
was fierce as she scanned the room. Her piercing eyes settled on Sarah.

Sentence variety

Demonstrating variety within a piece of writing

Using a variety of sentences can help you to create pace and tension in your writing.
Experiment with different sentence lengths and types to build atmosphere, mood and
suspense.

Varying sentence length

Use your sentence lengths to reflect the pace of the action in the narrative. On a basic level,
short sentences can show a faster pace whereas longer sentences slow it down.

Here is an example using a long sentence:

He looked out of the window, noticing the girl who at that moment was walking towards the
heavy door to the library.

Notice the difference in pace when the same scene is described with short sentences:

He looked out of the window. He noticed the girl. She was walking towards the library door.

Varying sentence openings

Vary the way that you start sentences to keep your writing interesting and lively. For
example:

Sentence opener type Example

Simile - comparing something to something else As quiet as a whisper, he turned to me
Preposition - informs you of the position of Beyond the gate, the road stretched far
someone or something away
Cautiously, he moved away from the
Adverbs - an adjective to describe a verb
lion
Despite the sunshine, Mr Tucker was
Connectives – joining words
wearing a heavy coat
Time preposition - moves the timeframe to a Afterwards, it was clear that he
different point regretted his actions

Here’s a piece of writing that lacks variety:

I woke up. The sun was beaming through the window and warmed my face. I turned towards
it, closing my eyes to enjoy the moment. I stayed there for a moment, and then got out of
bed. I padded across to the window. I opened it to hear the birds outside. It looked like it was
going to be a good day.

Notice how sentence variety changes the feel of the piece:

I opened my eyes to the warmth of the sun that was beaming through the window. Turning
towards it, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. Moments later I got out of bed and
padded across to the window. I opened it. I heard the birds outside. I knew it was going to be
a good day.

Planning a response
The importance of planning
Planning is an important part of the fiction writing process. Many professional writers use a
plan as the basis for a first draft, which they will later edit several times before the work is
complete.

Planning and proofreading should bookend your writing process. In the planning phase you
prepare your ideas and narrative structure. As you proofread you check how well your
writing is working. During each phase you might focus on vocabulary and effective forms of
expression.

Planning a piece of writing

There are several different ways to plan a piece of writing; it really is whatever you find
easiest to understand. You could:

 create a mind map

 bullet point your ideas
 create a flow chart of each stage
 draw out a table

What to include in a plan

A plan is an outline of your ideas. You could use the five-part story arc or a timeframe to
help structure your narrative.

You could also use your plan to remind you of key features you want to include (figurative
language, variety of sentence structures, TiPToP paragraphs). A plan can also be a useful for
collecting vocabulary and phrases that you want to include in your final piece of writing.

Proofreading
When you have completed a piece of writing, it is a good idea to check over what you have
created. Simple spelling errors, missing punctuation or words are common errors to make
when you are writing creatively. Once you look back over a piece of work, it is easier for you
to spot things and put them right.

Sample question
Question
Write the opening part of a story about a place during a storm.

Attempt 1

It was windy and wet and the road was full of big puddles. Walking along whistling he was
making his way home from school in a bit of a dream. He’d got out early because of the bad
weather. Which is why he’s whistling. He doesn’t much like wind or rain but he likes being let
out of school early. That’s when it happens this car comes out of nowhere and just drove
right through the biggest puddle you’d ever seen. It splashed up him as he stands there
drenched not knowing what had hit him, he just knew he’d be in for it when he got home
because his new parka was filthy and his mum would be furious.

Feedback - Basic

 The writer shows an awareness of the purpose of the task and begins to write an
entertaining story.
 There is some attempt to control the narrative voice but the verb tenses vary from
present to past.
 The ideas are linked well and the structure of the paragraph is good.
 There is little sentence variety and the sentence lengths are all similar, some being
too long because of punctuation errors.
 The vocabulary choices are varied and effective but could be much more ambitious.

Attempt 2

The wind howled and the rain battered down. The roads were more like a lake than a city
centre – full of puddles. Walking along whistling, a schoolboy was making his way home
from school. He was in a bit of a dream. He’d been let out early because of the bad weather.
He didn’t much like the wind or the rain but he was thrilled at being let out early. That was
why he was whistling. You would think it was a summer’s day! That was when it happened.

The car came out of nowhere and just drove right through what was more like a miniature
lake than a puddle. The water just flew up from the road and showered over the boy who
stood there drenched. He didn’t know what to do but he knew he’d be told off when he got
home, he was wearing his brand new parka which his mum and dad bought him for his
birthday at the weekend.

Feedback - Improving

 The writer communicates in a clear and effective way and matches the purpose of
entertaining with the story form and the intended audience.
 The flow of images and ideas link nicely to create a well-structured narrative.
 Sentences are varied in length and type creating a lively voice and help the story to
flow.
  The vocabulary choices and imagery are varied and begin to be ambitious (eg
‘howled’, ‘like a miniature lake’).

Attempt 3

The wind howled like a banshee turning the rain into a salvo of bullets. This was a November
day in Oxford? It was more like the monsoon season in Delhi! The roads were covered in
puddles the size of small lakes. Walking along and seemingly unaware of it all was a
schoolboy. Whistling as he strolled along, hands in his pockets, he was casually making his
way home from school. To say he was in a bit of a dream was an understatement. He’d been
let out early because of the bad weather and, although he didn’t much like either wind or
rain he was in his new parka and, best of all, he was thrilled to the core at being let out of
school early. That was why he was whistling. To him it was a summer’s day!

That was when it happened.

A car came out of nowhere and drove right through a puddle that was doing a very good
impression of a miniature lake. The water leapt up from the road with a life of its own and
drenched the day-dreaming boy. He was jolted out of his reverie and stood there dazed and
drenched. He didn’t know what to do; but he knew he’d be in for it when he got home. His
brand new parka had turned from green to a kind of dirty khaki-brown and green mixed. This
wasn’t going to be fun. The parka had been a very expensive present from mum and dad.

Feedback- Even better

 The story is absorbing and convincing.

 Tone, style and voice all match purpose, form and audience to create an engaging
narrative.
 The sentences are varied in length and type to create a lively style.
 Punctuation is accurate throughout and sophisticated in places with good use of
semicolons.
 Spelling is accurate and vocabulary choices are ambitious (eg ‘banshee’,
‘understatement’, ‘reverie’ and ‘khaki-brown’).
 The description is impressive with some great uses of figurative language and
alliteration (eg ‘like a banshee’, ‘thrilled to the core’, ‘leapt up’ and ‘dazed and
drenched’).

IGCSE English - Writing non-fiction

Non-fiction can be used to describe a variety of texts, including speeches, leaflets,
newspaper and magazine articles, reports, letters and guides. Each text has its own
conventions for layout, structure and language.

With every text type, two key questions can be considered:

 What is the purpose of the writing? (What is it meant to do?)

 Who is the audience? (Who is the intended reader?)

Once these questions have been answered the layout, structure, language choices and
particular techniques that you should use within the piece of writing can then be
established.

A. Writing a speech

Structure
A speech often follows a three part structure:

1. a highly engaging and motivational opening

2. a well-structured argument with several main points and including objection
handling
3. a positive conclusion

Language
The language used in a speech will vary depending on the audience. In a speech to a
professional audience, such as a business pitch or a talk to headteachers, formal language is
more appropriate. However, in a presentation to younger children, more informal and
colloquial language would be suitable.

The purpose of a speech is often to convince listeners of a particular point of view and so
the language is typically persuasive.

Example
Here’s a passage from a speech by Barack Obama about climate change. Think about his
audience and purpose:

We, the people, still believe that our obligations as Americans are not just to ourselves but
to all prosperity. We will respond to the threat of climate change, knowing that the failure
to do so will betray our children and future generations.
Some may still deny the overwhelming judgement of science, but none can avoid the
devastating impact of raging fires, crippling drought or powerful storms. A path towards
sustainable energy sources will be long and sometimes difficult, but America cannot resist
this transition.

We must lead it! We cannot concede to other nations the technology that will power new
jobs and new industries; we must claim its promise. That’s how we will maintain our
economic vitality and our national treasure. You and I as citizens have the power to set this
country’s course. You and I as citizens have the obligation to shape the debates of our time
not only with the votes we cast but with the voices we lift in defence of our most ancient
values and enduring ideas. Will you join us?

 The audience is American citizens

 The purpose is to convince people to take responsibility for acting on climate change
 Notice the repeated use of ‘we’ within the opening paragraph to engage the
listeners and include them in the topic of the speech.
 In the second paragraph Obama uses emotive vocabulary to highlight the negative
impact that climate change has had on America.
 Obama then ends on a powerful message, using 'we' and 'our' to ensure that the
audience feel as though he is working with them.
 He finished with a rhetorical question for impact, so that the audience feel that they
have no option but to agree with his ideas.

B. Writing a letter

Structure
A letter has a conventional structure with addresses at the top, an opening address using
‘Dear …’ and ending with a standard salutation such as ‘Yours sincerely’ (if you know the
reader’s name) or ‘Yours faithfully’ (if you have started your letter ‘Dear Sir/Madam’). In a
formal letter, the opening paragraph should outline the overall aim of the letter and the
conclusion should summarise the main points. Each paragraph should link to the purpose.

Language
The language used will depend on the audience of the letter; if you are trying to persuade
the recipient of a particular idea, then your language may be positive and upbeat in tone. If
the letter is being used to make a complaint, the language is more likely to be formal, with
emotive language to describe the experience or service.

Example
Here is an example of a job application letter. The writer’s overall purpose is to persuade
the reader of their suitability for the role.
Dear Mr Hopkins,

I am writing in response to the recent advertisement for the position of sales assistant that
has become available in your shop. I would like to be considered for the position.

I am currently working in a local coffee shop, where I am responsible for the service and
distribution of food and drink to customers. I am a key holder for the premises, and my daily
duties include taking orders, dealing with customer queries and managing the till takings at
the end of the working day. I work as part of a small team to ensure that the needs of the
customers are met.

Before working in the coffee shop, I spent several years working as a sales assistant in a
bookshop. In this role, I gained extensive experience of organisation, stocktaking and
meeting specific requests for customer orders. In this full-time role, I developed
interpersonal skills and confidence within customer service.

In addition to this I can offer competent skills with Microsoft Office software and I am
currently completing an evening course in accounting. I have included details of my GCSE
qualifications in my attached CV.

Thank for you taking the time to read my application; I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Marisa Ahmed

The opening paragraph outlines the purpose of the letter to the recipient. The writer then
explains their previous experience in sales and refers to their qualifications to show that
they are suitable. The closing paragraph refers back to the overall purpose, and assumes
that the writer expects to hear from the recipient - this shows confidence.

Notice that formal language is used throughout.

C. Writing a report

Structure
A report is highly factual and informs the reader rather than trying to make them feel or
react in a particular way.
A report typically uses subheadings, to organise the text. There might also be statistics,
graphs or evidence to support the text. Bullet points could be used to highlight key
information to the reader.

Language
The language in a report is objective. It states facts rather than attempting to manipulate
the reader’s emotions.

The purpose is usually to provide the reader with relevant information in an ordered way.
Therefore, the vocabulary should be Standard Englishand straightforward, presenting the
topic precisely.

Here’s a report about the catering services at a school. Notice the use of subheadings to
focus each area of the reporter’s findings.

Report: Little Gotham Catering Services

Overview

The report found that most areas of the catering facilities were adequate or exceeding
expectations for their purpose. Inspections were carried out at each stage of the service
process, including a customer satisfaction survey. The report includes strengths of the
service provided, and recommended areas of improvement.

Preparation and hygiene standards

All staff followed a strict hygiene policy prior to handling any food. Raw and cooked foods
are prepared in separate areas of the kitchen, using the regulation stated chopping boards
and equipment for the food in question. Prepared food is checked rigorously for expiry
dates and additional marks or signs of the food being at an inedible stage.

Quality control and nutritional value

All dishes present on the menu are checked both at ingredient quantity stages, and also at
tasting for salt content and temperature. Food is circulated every eight minutes, with any
food out on the service floor for a period that exceeded eight minutes being disposed of
immediately.

On more than one occasion, food was not checked for content before service; for example,
meat/vegetable ratio in the winter stew, or custard measurement for dessert dishes.

Service and customer satisfaction

Service is both efficient and polite. All staff are available to respond to customer needs and
queries. During the survey, many customers made personal reference to particular
members of staff - this shows that staff have built up rapport over a long period of time.
The only area of concern was that the condiment and cutlery drawer was not replenished
on regular occasions to meet customer demand.

Summary of findings

Overall, the catering service is clearly a business that has high expectations of its staff, and
consistently uses strict policy and guidelines regarding food preparation and hygiene to
ensure that customers received a high quality of service.

The only points of recommendation that the report would like to put forward are:

 more rigorous quality control of portion sizes

 ensure staff responsibilities during service are clear so that customer demand (eg for
condiments) is met

The writer has used subheadings to highlight the areas of focus within the report. The
writer also uses signposting sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Notice in the
structure of the third paragraph - negative areas are mentioned only after the positive
findings have been included. The report ends with a clear summary of the report findings,
and a bullet-pointed list of general recommendations to end.

D. Writing an article
An example of how to structure and write an effective article

Structure
The structure of an article for a newspaper, magazine or website, is usually in three parts:
  introduction – engaging the reader, or outlining the main point of the article to
follow
 middle – making clear and interesting points about the topic
 end – a concluding paragraph that draws the points together

If the aim of an article is to persuade the reader, then the opening and closing paragraph
will outline the writer’s viewpoint and make it most memorable. Subheadings are
sometimes used to signpost the content of each.

Language
The language of an article depends upon the purpose and audience; usually, the vocabulary
of the article will fit the topic content, and who it is targeted at. For example, you would
expect an article about a recent film release to include the vocabulary of actors, scripts and
performance.

A catchy, memorable headline is essential to grab your readers’ attention and entice them
to read the whole article.

Articles are usually written in Standard English, but colloquial sayings or phrases might be
used to emphasise a point. Persuasive devices, such as rule of three, rhetorical questions
and alliteration can be used to encourage the reader to agree with your point of view.

Example
Here’s an extract from an article that tries to persuade the reader to eat a more balanced,
healthy diet:

Eat Right: Live Longer

It has been scientifically proven that the less junk food a person consumes, the longer they
are likely to live. So why isn’t everyone dumping the junk? Jordan McIntyre investigates.

Fast food equals fat

A staple part of twenty-first century British home-life is the weekly takeaway treat: finger-
licking burgers, sticky ribs and crispy chicken wings are, for many, the normal Friday night
feast. The average national calorie count in the UK is a whopping 4500 a day, a key factor in
the obesity cases that are soaring. Fast food is packed with fat and obesity contributes to a
range of health issues - most significantly heart disease and depression. So why aren’t we
changing our lifestyles?

Short on time

Families these days are spending less and less time at home during the working week.
School commitments, work meetings and extra curricular activities mean that time is short
and fewer people are prepared to put in the effort to prepare fresh, healthy meals.
And when time is tight, it seems we are even more willing to compromise our waistlines for
a little bit of what we fancy – fast fatty food.

Eat yourself healthy

However, Georgia Thomas of the University of Food says, ‘I am convinced that it is possible
to live a busy lifestyle AND prepare healthy, satisfying meals. It seems that people have
simply got out of the habit of cooking. We are busy people; how do we reward ourselves?
You guessed it - food.’ Britain clearly needs to shift the stodge, and fast.

The article uses a short, bold headline using alliteration to get the reader’s interest and
present the topic of the article. The rhetorical question in the opening paragraph
encourages the reader to challenge the topic. The subheadings direct the reader through
the text, and act as mini headlines, drawing the reader’s attention. The writer uses
hyperbole, and colloquial sayings to produce a lively, interesting article. This style of
language is used throughout with phrases such as ‘little bit of what we fancy’ and ‘shift the
stodge’ adding a conversational tone to the whole piece.

The final paragraph uses quotations from an expert to add credibility to the argument. You
might would expect the article to go on to explore how we can eat healthily and to conclude
with an explanation of how easy it is to do this.
E. Writing a guide

Structure
A guide might be a leaflet or handbook, giving instructions on a topic or procedure.

It is typical for a guide to use subheadings so that the reader can see the main points at a
glance. The order of these headings will depend on the purpose of the guide. For example, if
the guide is to encourage people to visit a tourist attraction, the key areas of interest may
feature first with cost and a map appearing at a later point.

Language
As with all writing, the language should be suitable for the audience. In a guide aimed at
children, the language will need to be easy for that age group to understand, but also
exciting and lively enough to make them want to read it.

It is common to use imperatives in a guide, eg ‘Go here’, ‘Pay attention to…’, ‘Sign up now’ –
giving clear directions to the reader.

Example
Here is an extract from a BBC Children in Need guide. The purpose of the guide is to explain
how to take part in challenges that raise money for charity.
  Each section has a heading that outlines the main topic of that part of the guide.
Notice that the subheadings are short and bold to draw the reader’s attention to the
crucial information.
 The writer has used the personal pronouns ‘you’ and ‘your’ to directly address the
reader.
 Several persuasive techniques have been used within the guide to encourage the
reader to get excited about the idea of fundraising. For example ‘check out some of
our famous friends’ top party tunes’.
 Some sections with crucial information, such as the website address, are highlighted
for emphasis.

Overall, the layout and language clearly guide the reader on how to get involved with
fundraising for the charity.
Sample question and answers

Question
A school wants to raise funds for new sports equipment. As a member of the committee,
you have been asked to write a report that investigates how the money could best be
raised. You should present your findings before coming to a recommendation based on
these.

Attempt 1
I have looked at three ways to make money for the school. We could do a raffle, a car boot or a fun
run. I am going to report on them all before saying which is best.

A raffle is the best idea, it is easy to do and cheap to run we could sell lots of tickets to students at
break and lunch times and they could take them home to sell to their families. We could get the
prizes given by local shops so it wouldn’t cost much to set up and run.

Feedback - Basic

 This writer shows an awareness of the purpose, the format of the task and the audience.
 Paragraphing is accurate and clear.
 The style is too personal and subjective (eg using the pronouns ‘I’ and ‘we’) and uses
language which is too colloquial, eg ‘do a raffle’ and ‘saying which is best’.
 The writer does not create a balanced investigation but gives a personal view straight away,
eg ‘A raffle is the best idea’.
 The sentences are mostly properly punctuated but there is the use of a ‘run on’ sentence
beginning, ‘A raffle is the best idea, it is easy to do and cheap to run we could sell’ instead of,
‘A raffle is the best idea. It is easy to do and cheap to run. We could sell…’.

Attempt 2
There are several options to raise money for the sports equipment the school needs and this report
investigates three options including a raffle, a car boot sale and a fun run. Each option has some
advantages and some disadvantages and these will be made clear before a conclusion is made and a
recommendation given as to which option to choose.

A raffle is always likely to be an effective option. In its favour, assuming local businesses could be
persuaded to donate prizes, it will be cheap to set up and easy to run. Tickets could be printed using
the school’s IT facilities using desktop publishing. This could be incorporated into lessons to combine
a learning purpose into the activity. The tickets could be sold by students at break and lunch times as
well as taken home to be sold to families and friends.

Feedback - Improving

 This writer shows a clear awareness of the purpose, the format of the task and the audience.
 The style is impersonal and effective.
 The language is aimed at the right level for the task and uses mainly Standard English.
  Paragraphing is accurate and clear.
 The writer creates a sense that the report will be fair and balanced and sets out the options
in a clear and unemotional way.
 Sentences are informative, varied and well punctuated.
 There is a sense of analysis and range of vocabulary well suited to the audience and purpose.

Attempt 3
There are three main options that would offer the school the opportunity to raise the money it so
badly needs for its new sports equipment. The three are:

 a raffle
 a car boot sale
 a fun run

These have each been considered and investigated in detail. The findings will show that each has
some clear advantages but that to balance this, each also has certain disadvantages. The report will
make these clear before reaching a recommendation as to which option is most likely to succeed. The
options below are not reported in any order of preference.

Option 1: A Raffle

The option of a raffle offers many significant opportunities but does come with risks that will need to
be weighed up before deciding whether this option is viable and useful. In its favour, assuming local
businesses could be persuaded to donate prizes, a raffle is the cheapest and easiest of the three
options under consideration. If it works, it would raise a significant amount of money and do so with
the least amount of effort. The tickets could be designed and printed in-house thus keeping control
over costs and time frames. The design work could be carried out as a part of school IT lessons and
thus combine a learning purpose into the activity. The tickets could be easily sold by students both
during break and lunch times as well as from home to relatives and friends. On the surface, this
seems the obvious choice; however, it is not without potential pitfalls…

Feedback - Even better

 This writer shows a sophisticated awareness of purpose, format and audience.

 The style is impersonal and very convincing.
 The language choices are often ambitious with use of language devices appropriate to the
form, for example, a use of alliteration - ‘potential pitfalls’.
 A formal tone and a use of Standard English is used throughout with excellent punctuation,
spelling and grammar.
 It shows good structure, for example, the use of bullet points.
 There is a clear sense of argument and of a developing argument, eg ‘The option of a raffle
offers many significant opportunities but does come with risks that will need to be weighed
up…’.