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CONFESSIONS
Of A FAILED

�
UNDERWORLD AMUSEMENTS
Copyright © 20 14 Trevor Blake. All Rights Reserved.

Designed and prepared by Kevin I. Slaughter

for Underworld Amusements.
WWW.UNDERWORLDAMUSEMENTS.COM

Cover illustration by Josh Latta.

WWW.LATTALAND.COM

First Edition
ISBN 1 3 : 978-0-9885 536-5- 1

Originally published in OVO,

here corrected and expanded:
"Trajectory Through Anarchism." June 20 10.
"So You Want to Meet an Alien ?" July 20 10.
"Yes You Can Say No." September 20 1 0.
"Co-Remoting with the Thunderous." November 20 10.
"Multiple Name Identities." December 20 10.
"My Crowded Fist Theater Shouting Fire .. ." August 20 1 2.
"Why Should I Speak ofThem ?" November 20 1 2.

The author thanks tENTATIVELY, a cONVENIENCE

for technical assistance on "Co-Remoting wi th the
Thunderous."
TABLE Of CONTENTS

5 • Confessions of a Failed Egoist

39 • Co-Remoting with the Thunderous
73 •Infinite Material Universe
65 • It's a Sin
57 •Lan Asaslem !
49 •Multiple Name Identities
28 •My Crowded Fist Theater Shouting Fire ...
68 • Objectivisn't
75 •Really
1 16 •Shot from the Egoist Canon
78 •So You Want to Meet an Alien ?
32 • Trajectory Through Anarchism
92 • Triumph of the Wilt
87 •Why Should I Speak of Them?
138 •Wm. Trevor Blake
21 •Yes You Can Say No !

TREVOR BLAKE
photo by Jack Donovan

TREVOR BLAKE
CONFESSIONS Of A
fAILED EGOIST

1
I am an egoist, a circular thinker of the most self-con­
tained philosophy. Keep reading, though, and you'll see
I'm not a very good Unique One. I see rusty rivets and
loose lashings in the HMS Egoism. Egoism is the con­
trarian's philosophy, and so of course I begin this book
with a broadside against it.
Egoism is the claim that the individual is the
measure of all things. In ethics, in epistemology, in aes­
thetics, in society, the Individual is the best and only
arbitrator. Egoism claims social convention, laws, other
people, religion, language, time and all other forces out­
side of the Individual are an impediment to the liberty
and existence of the Individual. Such impediments may
be tolerated but they have no special standing to the In­
dividual, who may elect to ignore or subvert or destroy
them as He can. In egoism the State has no monopoly to
take tax or to wage war.
A few words about words. Max Stimer called
the individual der einzige (the Unique One) in his 1 845
book Der Einzige und sein Eigentum. 'Individual' and
'unique one' didn't have that legitimacy loaned by Latin
lexicalization, and so the book was popularized as The

1REVO� BLAKE
Ego and His Own in the same way that Freud's simple das
!ch (I) was duded up as 'the ego.' I am the subject mat­
ter, the proper noun, while y'all are objects. Thus I, Me
and Mine are all quite capital. Most of the time we have
our faces buried in smartphone simulacra, maps and not
territories. But when I speak of egoism, I speak of ego­
ism with gnostic directness and not the idea of egoism or
egoism-in-itself
I know how this sounds. This book doesn't make
sense. The excessive word play is aggravating. Much of it
is crazy talk. Too much repetition. The amount of back­
ground knowledge in high and low culture required to
get the joke much less the point is unreasonable. Sir, there
is no other means ofexpressing egoism. I can only give you
a rope, a snake, four trees, a wall and two curtains. It's up
to you to make your own egoist elephant. Try reading it
aloud, one chapter at a time, or just buy copies for your
friends and forget about it.
Now... let's strap this unhealthy specimen to the
dissection table and get to work. Egoism is refuted by
the simple existence of bodies and the complex matter
of minds. Egoism doesn't hold water socially or philo­
sophically. But as the contrarian's philosophy, disproof
is not enough to make egoism go poof The magician's
cape whirls once again to reveal egoism puts the imp in
impossible.

11
You're too young to remember this, but at one time you ...
weren't. Your mammy and your pappy did the deed, sperm
met egg and at some point after that you ... were. Egoism
must account for when you got youryou on. It seems silly

CONfESSIONS Of A fAILF.D EGOIST AND ornrn [llAYI

to suggest I was before I was, so I likely wasn't before con­
ception. I hung out as an unviable fetus for months, and
there's no standing on your own two feet when you're
hanging upside down in someone else's womb. Plenty of
babies are born early or late and require intervention by
others to survive. I was not born with anything close to
agency over My actions, and was a floppy poopy mess
for who knows how long. With self-control of My body
came My first blurts oflanguage, a skill I hope to develop
to adequacy some day. The human brain does not stop
developing until after the teenage years. That's a good
double decade of uncertainty as to when the ego enters
the me-arena. Egoism has the problem of being unable
to define when the Unique One comes into being and
thus in saying who is and is not (yet) an Individual. This
is true even when the egoist is asking when He, Himself,
became an Individual. Egoism talks about the Individual,
but who that individual is cannot be talked about. The
stages of acquiring individual status I listed above are just
the most likely dates I started me-ing. Perhaps it was the
first time I stood up and walked, or broke a heart, or paid
all My own bills, or registered for the draft.
Whatever ragged race you're running, I assure
you the finish line looms and is shared by the One and
all. Death is certain but dying is a puzzle for egoists. Ego­
ism has the problem of being unable to define when the
Unique One ceases to be and thus in saying who is or was
an individual. Egoism talks about the Individual, but
who that individual is cannot be talked about. The post­
ponement of death through medical means, the possibil­
ity of transhuman life extension, of cryogenics, muddies
the waters of ego death. How much or in what ways I die

[ONfmION� Of A fAilfD [GOm

the death before I'm good and gone I cannot say. Come
visit me in Valhalla and I'll tell you what I've learned.
The most egregious elements of childhood are
elevated and enshrined in egoism. The lack of ability or
interest in differentiating the self from the environment,
the temper tantrums, the selfishness, the exaggerated em­
phasis on rules followed and broken-send that sprog to
the 'splainin' room for a sound spanking !
Egoism not only has the problem of being un­
able to define when any particular Individual appears,
but also when any Individual at all first appeared. Ego­
ism cannot say whether there were egoist Neanderthals,
or before them egoist possum-critters who stole dinosaur
eggs, or perhaps egoist dinosaurs, or egoist fish, egoist al­
gae ... don't stop at selfish genes when you can imagine
selfish molecules. There is likely a line of before and after
egoism emerged in evolution. Egoism cannot say where
that line is drawn. Egoism can scoop the idea of animal
rights out of the litter box as easily as any other idea of
natural rights. But the idea of animal egos, the Unique
One of non-human animals, is snarling and snapping
and ready to engage any thinker trying cage it.
Being alone is a crowded place. Human DNA is
measurably made up of ancient viruses. Every human cell
is also the home of mitochondria. A person is more like
a park of microbiomes. As much as I feel like myself, I'm
more of a siphonophore. This gives "we're number one ! "
a whole new meaningless meaning.
This book is the world's burden somewhere in be­
tween the any-day-now dawn of artificial intelligence in
the 1 950s and the supercontext. The Internet is enough
of a person for many people most of the time. It's past

CONfE55ION5 Of A fNlED EGOIST AND ornrn [\)AY)

time for humanity to clean himself up because eventually
we will have someone else to talk to. And that someone
else may be far more of a Unique One than any human
could ever be. A crafty artificial intelligence might scan
and upload you into a simulation without your being
aware of the change, initiating even further erosion to
the foundations of egoism. Then transhumanism won't
seem so dry and we can have a little sin in our singularity.
I once flew free from the web of words. Then
came speech, and literacy, and forever after that which
is Me is known and expressed in that which is not Me.
Language is inherently social and the social is inherent­
ly outside of Me. It doesn't entertain My ego to think
pre-linguistic babies are alone themselves. The dead and
the incommunicative are also not egoistic. Language
makes none of us egoists, and that all of us are not egoists
means double trouble for the idea of the Unique One.
I am My body, and I am the Unique One. At the
same time every few weeks I shave My head and My body
carves off bits of what was Me. Where that one-of-a-kind
ego is when the body can divide is a mystery. Egoism has
the problem of being unable to define where in the body,
or in how much of the body, the Individual exists. Ego­
ism talks about the Individual, but who that individual is
cannot be talked about. Compound that mystery by the
body's requirements for nutritious food, water, air, phys­
ical exercise and the sex. That's some kind of weak-ass id
that can only be bothered to be by the intake of the other.
I am the only egoist in history, or maybe just the
best. There doesn't seem to be a logical alternative. The
ego being unbound by logic, I note a handful of other I's
out there. How there can be more than one Unique One

(ONfmIONS Of A fAILrn [GOIST

is above My pay grade. Egoism has the problem of being
a philosophy for the Individual in a world where more
than one individual exists. This problem is compounded
by competition between Individuals, the resolution for
which egoism has no solution.
Some egoists claim that "nature's law is tooth
and claw," that there is a natural right and the prone bod­
ies of the vanquished point to those who possess it. But
isn't it convenient that title holders of natural rights are
only known after the final bell ? Might is the law of all
life, yet some groups are more might than others. Every
individual must struggle for existence, yet that ghost of
might-right inside them takes a vacation once in a while
and eventually moves away to stay. What good to me is
a natural right that I can't know about until after I've
used it, and which may leave me when I need it most,
and which someone else might have more of than me ?
Lex talionis is the projection of matter-of-fact outcomes
of conflict onto a cave wall and calling that lack of light
a natural right. To the victor goes the spoil-sure, but no
need to get all wheelly about it. "The mighty win" is true
but it is a mistake to say "the mighty ought to win." Evo­
lution is the failure of the non-adaptive to survive, not
the survival of the fittest. The former is how things seem
to be, the later is the mistake of intelligent design. The
philosophy of might making right slips into spookiness
on two counts. First, to say that the outcome of a conflict
makes the best of all possible worlds as evidence by its
existence is a just-so tale. Worse, it is of no use to Me.
All that was is not what is, and brother I is. It might be
that might was right, but I have no right to be bothered
by that that. Second, were I to adjust the adverbs and

10 CONfE55ION5 Of A FAILED EGOIST AND ornrn [llAYI

announce might is right, that the mighty should prevail
and the vanquished should wail their woe, I set above
myself a should I must serve or submit to -a substitute
for myself Not only is might is right a mistake, but kind
of whiney, too. "But I was supposed to win . . . whaaa .. ."
Egoism is made of sterner stuff.

111
Because the body boundary is blurred the temptation is
to say that the ego is the mind. The ego becomes a ghost
of the gaps, and as soon as we chase it from one hid­
ey-hole it finds another.
I'm here to tell you that consciousness is a phys­
ical process. Placing the ego in the mind rather than the
body is like placing a man in New York City and say­
ing he's not in New York State. We have a word for the
soul that sounds secular-mind-but naming a thing
does not make it so. I am out of My mind. I have a brain
and I suspect it is largely like yours. The brain is not a
point without weight or mass, as the mindless mind is
supposed to be. The mind is to the body as a shadow is to
light. The mysterious magical mind is a singularity. It is
a phantom captain that is the real you. Evidence enough
for me that for all the sizzle in the steak, we're made of
meat.
A knock to the noggin can bruise a brain and
from that can come a change in consciousness. Egoism
has the problem of being unable to place the ego in a
mind without a body. The same difficulties of locating
egoism in the body show up when brain injuries reveal
the mind is a function of the body.
No need to be brained to get physical with your

(ONm)ION) Of A fAILrn [CiOm 11

thinky parts. You've probably been to sleep recently. The
idea of a crystalline emission-dot of identity is done in
by dreams and dissolved in slumber. Mind goes bye-bye
right quick in sleep, while the brain does what comes
naturally. Egoism has the problem of explaining where
the ego goes when the body is asleep. The agency and the
singularity of the ego is not evident in a person who is
asleep. Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream.
I withhold My fealty to any baron of the brain,
any ur-me that is above Myself There is a Me that could
smoke a fine cigar more often, a Me that grows less
healthy for it, and a Me that budgets the money to gro­
ceries and not cigars. I do not claim My most recent ac­
tion or thought, or the one I feel or think the strongest,
is the real Me. I have no need for a me and a real me (and
a really real me, and a really really real me, etc.) . Just Me.
Egoism has the problem of who that Me might be.
Don't get me started on mental illness. Well,
okay. A case of the crazies is bound to jump in any re­
view of the wrongs of egoism. More than one and more
than two eminent egoists have been unable to care for
themselves in adulthood and lost all the beauty in their
life (my delineators for minimal mental malady) . There
are at least fifty shades to this portrait of Dorian Grey.
Egoism has the problem of explaining Individuals who
are not individuals. Those species of insanity that hear
voices knock a hole in the walls of Castle Ego. They are
one-in-many, something the ego is supposed to depose
yet there she blows. States of self-harm likewise mock
notions of egos as agents acting on self-interest. Some
individuals have obsessions and urges they cannot con­
trol and do not want, and egoism must answer the ques-

l2 CONFESSIONS Of A fAJLED EGOIST AND 01HfR [llAYI

tion of who is the Unique One in a person of two minds.
Some people have broken the shackles of constricting
rationality such that they are free to be entirely unable
to communicate or make deliberate body motions, either
due to being comatose or having life-long and constant
violent spasms. Egoism as an affectation of the college
educated is all well and good, but what it might have
to say of those at the lowest end of the IQ spectrum is
unclear. Egoism's offer to the differently-saned promises
too much and not nearly enough.
Don't discriminate against the dicephalic. Plenty
of people are plurals. They used to urge you to step right
up and see the Siamese twins. Today the term of choice is
co-joined. One body with two brains throws everything
the West knows about the Self into seething turmoil. As
the ideology ofldentity, egoism most of all must muster a
multi-brained bromide in reply to these outliers. Abigail
and Brittany Hensel await egoism's answer.
Evolution more blind than love blessed our bod­
ies with cheat codes. A few small ounces of fluids includ­
ing that master molecule caffeine and hey, where'd I go ? I
seem to be a happier person, glib and gabby and ready to
write egoist essays all the live-long day. Alcohol also toss­
es the Self-script and goes improv. Drugs confirm con­
sciousness is a chemical condition, offering ongoing op­
portunities to ask where you at. Drugs that have strong
and predictable influence on the Self are a challenge to
the selfish philosophy. As drugs complete the Self but ex­
ist outside the Self, there is confusion as to where the Self
is located.
Men and women's brains are similar but not the
same. Everybody knows it, but that fashionable spook

[ONHmON) Of A fAilED [GOm n

of temperance-I mean suffrage-I mean feminism­
keeps many men mum to please madam. Women tell me
their bodies have patterns Mine sure doesn't, depending
on if they are babied up or not. Ask your local intersex
egoist about the vast difference in egos by sex. I will
merely note that it is, and where there is two there can
be no One.

IV
Time ! Now there's a problem for egoism. Befores and af­
ters can squat where they sat, but right now there's a right
now that won't sit still for the camera. My consciousness
at any particular now is already in the past. The now of
Me looking at a beautiful woman or having My thumb
slammed in a door sure seem different lengths of sequen­
tial instantaneous. I doubt My brain has a gravity field to
bend time so the moment of ego seems hard to handle. I
see star light in a now that happened long ago and right
this second. There's a lag between thought and motion,
between perception and awareness of perception. Ego­
ism has to punch in on the time question.
Solipsism slips in the egoist envelope. Solipsism
is on board with the Unique One, going further to say
that all else is a projection of that the One. Egoism is
okay with others existing, just not in elevating them
above the Self. But who that Self is, and how there can
be more than one One, and why might it be that others
aren't just imagined, for these egoism is left shrugging.
Egoism fails to scale. The physical laws that are
solid enough to run the universe seem to break down
when you look at the smallest components of the uni­
verse. What we mean when we talk about individuals is

CONfE33ION3 Of A fNliD EGOIST AND OIHl� [\\AY\

clear enough, but where and who that Individual might
be is far from clear.
Finally, egoism can't be true because egoism can't
be true. Nobody really thinks like this and certainly no­
body really acts like this. There is enough to go around
for everybody, we just need to teach each other to be nic­
er. I am a fit judge to know I am not a fit judge in what I
am am not a fit judge to be. The way out of the prisoner's
dilemma is to stay a prisoner.
Individuality may be a passing fancy after all.
What I think of as an I likely didn't exist in pre-history.
For most of human history only royalty were sovereign,
with most of the rest being interchangeable and anon­
ymous. Christianity might not have had a single word
to say about the immorality of keeping slaves, but it
did invent the notion that even (male) slaves had souls
that could go to heaven. Feudalism and caste societies
offered up perhaps a dozen types of individual, but no
more. The modern conceit of democracy, that every vote
counts, that having an identity card and being finger­
printed makes you a special snowflake, might turn out to
have been one more form of 1 9th Century madness that
flamed bright and died out.

v
For all the thunder and lightning that storms around
self-centered egoism, it seems the field is muddied where
impregnable citadel walls were supposed to stand. The I
overlaps into others (hi mom & dad), exists in inherently
social language, is born and dies in a body that can get
boogered up and needs must eat, is blasted through time
and runs the risk of putting an -ism in front of the ego.

(ONFmION� or A fAILED t&Om

This is crazy talk, but it is not just crazy talk. If you ask
Me, in for a penny is in for a pounding.
All systems say they will set you free if you be­
comes one of us. A wormy bait but a switch so successful
it swallows societies. I don't know what egoism offers
you, but I can tell you how it's worked out for me. Pretty
good, My friend.
My confessions reveal why egoism cannot be
true and is not internally consistent. Truth and consis­
tency to an egoist are clever tools, yes, but never are they
His master. There is no disproof of egoism. I've con­
veyed egoism and I've conveyed how I live My life, but
not where those aren't the same thing (egoism being the
most tempting not-me to serve of all, but it goes away
just hungry ! ) . It is plain you have to draw the line some­
where, and my point of interest is Myself.
Egoism is a philosophy for men, and I'm a
card-carrying member (or am I a member-carrying
card ?). I am profoundly disengaged from the process of
deciding who should or shouldn't be an egoist. There
have been and are and likely will be women egoists. I also
say the rough-and-tumble tone of egoism puts a smile
on the face of more men and a scowl on the face of more
women. Women might be for or against force and phi­
losophy in the world, but it's going to be men who carry
it out and have it carried out against them. I have My
just-so stories about why that might be, but they aren't
very interesting or surprising stories.
Egoism is the funniest philosophy. Funny ha-ha
and funny strange. No other ethic is as wealthy in word­
play or is as full of pratfalls. No other philosophy is as
deeply entwined with its own counter-arguments. Ego-

CONfE55ION5 Of A fAllrn EGOIST AND ornrn [\\Ml

ism is closer to poetry than propaganda, reminding you
of something rather than hitting you on the head with
it. Nihilism is the confused notion that nothing matters
but it should, a mistake not repeated by egoism. To para­
phrase some wag, I will bear My blindness and ruin with
laughter, I will die laughing.
The question (as in the singular question) of
Western philosophy is that of identity. What a thing is,
how one thing can become another thing, how a thing
can move and the like. Eastern philosophy also consid­
ered the individual, then said 'no thank you: There is
an unbroken line from Plato's theory of Forms to atom­
ic theory to egoism, and I'm going to ride that line all
the way to the terminal. The world turned on its head
in the late 1 9th/ early 20th Century and I'm a fan of the
acrobatics. The Western way ofliterature is littered with
alliteration, a tradition that goes back to Beowol£ If you
are a reader of English and a thinker of the modern age,
you need to know about egoism (not that egoism needs
to know about you) .
Politics, philosophy, ethics, all those thinky
things, can be corralled into two camps. One is the
prescriptive, which tell you what to do. One is the de­
scriptive, which tell you what happened. Egoism is an ex­
ceptionally isolated lone little doggie in the descriptive
camp. Egoism won't tell you what you should do, and
points out some problems in you telling yourself what
you should do. That blisteringly frustrating perspective
is good for a great deal of internal consistency, a strong
link between ability and liberty. This is something lack­
ing in most other schools of thought. As some point you
will be asked if egoism makes everything okay, if it's okay

[ONfmION) Of A fmrn [GOm ll

to kill people because you want to. The question is mal­
formed. I can imagine someone saying 'Since you think
everything is okay, here's a punch in the face !' I can imag­
ine someone doing it. People do all kinds of things. But if
you need Me to give you permission to do anything you
want, and if all you want to do is punch Me in the face,
then perhaps you can understand why My estimation of
you is sometimes unfavorable. Also within My imagina­
tion is losing friends and employment because I wrote
a book on My own time that a few people read by their
own choice that had ideas in it that some people disagree
with. That's a thing that happens. The way egoism makes
sense of the world is to say that the world doesn't make
sense. Egoism is usually accurate in describing what peo­
ple do, and says next to nothing in prescribing what peo­
ple should do. Asking whether a thing is or isn't okay is
asking what people should do or not do, and that's what
egoism does not address. Asking if people do all kinds of
things, egoism ( and your everyday experience ) will say
yes, yes they do. All kinds of things that help you out,
and hold you back. All kinds of things that are neither
rewarded nor punished as they 'should' be. I can tell you
exactly how to be an egoist. What you do with that in­
formation is outside My interests.
Egoism builds a shanty not a shelter on the pla­
teau of heresy. Egoism stakes a claim and keeps moving.
Most people muddle through the day. A minority seek to
rule the muddle. A smaller minority still seek to reform
the rulers, and a smaller number seek revolution, and a
very small number repudiate the revolution, the reform
and the rulers alike. Egoism is in that smallest minority,
the imp of the perverse and the bur under the saddle, no-

CONFESSIONS Of A FAILED EGOIST AND OIHlR [llAYI

body's friend and it's own worst enemy. Egoism isn't the
boy who laughs and points at the naked emperor, it's the
boy who laughs and points at a naked empire.
You have to wonder (I don't) who is doing what
in the act of self-sacrifice. There's a sour look on the face
of so many altruists. They say to themselves "hey man, I
gave up myself up to do what other people wanted me to
do, and they didn't do the same for me ! " Well, yeah. You
got bullied by the golden rule. You got beat up in a game
of "let's you and him fight." Start nosing around as to
who stood to gain, who felt good about doing good, and
you might find some satisfaction in selfishness. Egoism
is a philosophy where it's better I fail at what I do that
succeed at what you do.
My friends, I have My doubts about egoism.
Sometimes My happiness is the happiness of others. I
am bothered by lies, including My own. I think things
and talk about things but don't act on them. I follow the
herd. I hide My mutations. I am bound and fettered by
space, time, money and mortality. I confess I am a failed
egoist.

[ONmSIONS OF A fAILrn [GOIST l�

 Yes, You Can Say

"NO!"
10
THE._ FUlU RE
. �ucation God i i 3 � =i'A t'-j (•J : I

Money �f!a.g�n_ f:.' I ; I � J ; \3 JI ..�,,,�,ics

•

IDVlnlSING CQLLBG �.�kitiif41

MYSTIC EXPERIEl\!CES TRUJ.� the pas! �•aata._
.1erryfolirnli l�t4\\•4 ''Just:�r:!lO'
.sc1ENcE Love

TOD AY Fllndam_�J!t�lism
- Wo� THE WORLD T4!«!�-
Philosophy. . Y�"•lf l'�'.""y GOVERNMENT
"NO!"
.. _
,
ifr,x-
A Friend In Need �N:9..�Y.!�.l;.F _

.!!:!.___ ··- '

20 TREVOR BLAKE
YES YOU CAN SAY NO!
A Review of
The Myth ofNatural Rights and Other Essays
by L.A. Rollins
Port Townsend: Loompanics 1983
Charleston: Nine-Banded Books 2008

The preceding illustration is not from The Myth ofNat­

ural Rights. It's a poster I made when I was twenty years
old in 1 986. My self-importance began much earlier but
this poster was the first time I put it on paper. When I
made the poster it didn't make sense, and it didn't have
to. That's the funny thing about egoism. It doesn't always
make sense, and it doesn't always (or ever) have to. When
you sign on to Team Me, truth and consistency are guests
to be entertained but are never maitre d'.
It takes someone like Me to review the 2008
edition of The Myth ofNatural Rights. A host of Great
and Powerful Oz's petition an audience with Scarecrow
Rollins, notably Ayn Rand, George Smith and Murray
Rothbard. Each offers their defense or examples of nat­
ural rights, and each one is sent home wizened from the
encounter. It's a real treat to watch the natural rights ped­
dle by and Rollins spoke them one by one. Rollins' ex­
planation of why there is no contradiction in acting one
way and advocating others act differently is an especially
pleasant read.
If there are no natural rights, then is everyone
free to do everything ? I'm able to do a great deal, and

TRfVOR BLAKE 21
 from what I can do I do only some of it. Rollins writes
"My life is of supreme value to me." And regarding an
argument for natural rights by Murray Rothbard: "If I
can advance my life with violent interference to Murray
Rothbard, why should I care about Murray Rothbard's
needs ? [ ... ] Again, if I violently interfere with Murray
Rothbard's freedom, this may violate the 'natural law' of
Murray Rothbard needs, but it doesn't violate the 'nat­
ural law' of my needs." Turns out that while no natural
right prevents me from visiting the greatest misfortune
on my fellows, simple man-made law (or laziness) does
the trick. Rollins wrote : "Real rights are those conferred
and enforced by the laws of a State or the customs of a
social group" and that's the gospel truth. If man-made
law claims to be based on the 'inalienable' or divinity,
so much the worse for man-made law. It's the guns and
jails, taxes and soldiers that get the job done. Some guns
and jails are preferable to others : "To deny that there are
ethical differences between governments is not to deny
that there are other kinds of differences between govern­
ments, differences which can be of great practical impor-
tance."
It entertains me to note contradictions in Rollins'
work. On page 45 he writes: " There are no uncondition­
al 'musts' or 'oughts; no categorical imperatives [ ... ] That
is why, although I am an egoist of sorts, I nevertheless
reject what Brian Medlin calls the principle of 'universal
categorical egoism; to whit, 'that we all ought to observe
our own interests, because that is what we ought to do: I
say, to the contrary, that it is up to each individual, inso­
far as he has freedom of choice in the matter, to decide
for himself whether or not to pursue his own interests."

22 CONFESSIONS Of A FAILED EGOIST AND Olm [llAYI

This statement is worthy of Me. But on page 8 5 Rollins
writes: "For an egoist, the only 'justification' for one's ac­
tions is that those actions benefit oneself. If, by means
of reason, A concludes that he will benefit from living
at the involuntary expense of B, then an egoist would
agree that A is 'rationally justified' in doing so." Squeak
squeak little wheel. I am justified in needing no justifi­
cation, rational or otherwise. Acting on my most ratio­
nal conclusions will include unforeseen consequences.
Rationality is a fine motivator, but so are indifference,
humor, revenge and simply doing something even to my
own detriment for the purpose of keeping another from
advancing his agenda.
Another funny thing about egoism is that it's
funny. I'm experimenting with a new delineator between
the left and the right: the left can tell a joke and the right
can take a joke. It holds in the corollary too. The left gets
bent about certain words and images that aren't funny
and the right rolls with it. Meanwhile, the best come­
dians tend to be lefty while the best comedians on the
right are . . . who ? Egoism and humor go hand in hand.
Perhaps philosophy was never about vindication or truth
or beauty or justice or equality, and we should have been
looking for laughs all along. Or perhaps when you get rid
of the wheels in your head, you get a little funny in your
head. Left and right share bed partners more often than
polite conversation can allow. Do you call it eugenics or
family planning depending on what it is or depending on
whether your enemy supports it ? Splitting sides based on
humor is a good one. In My political nyuk nyuk spec­
trum, egoism is more of the left than the right.
Living without natural rights, without human

m mu [AN �AY NO!

 nature, is kind of like now but crabbier or funnier, de­
pending. The lives of the egoist authors are generally
mundane, while the lives of those who lived as egoists
and didn't write about it are often full of fireworks (note
to Self... ) . See the world as an egoist with this simple
thought experiment. Lift your wet eyes from My words
just for a moment and look at something. You're see­
ing something, yes ? Were you to count that something,
you would count one of that something. Where is the
"one" in that thing ? When you look at two of something,
where is the "two ?" You already knew that numbers ar-
en't in things, even if you've never seen it put into words
before. There is no number-essence. And even though
you know numbers aren't in things, you continue to use
numbers. The convention of numbers is like the conven­
tion of natural rights or human nature. They aren't really
there but people keep talking about them as if they were.
I'm fine with that (and Mine is the opinion that matters
here) until the smoke and mirror crew sets up for anoth­
er production of lt's a Natural Right to Do As I Say.
Natural rights are in the same category of sleight
of hand as Plato's theory of forms. Plato said that when
we see a thing, we see only an imperfect echo of the thing.
If we could but see it there is an ideal form of a thing be­
hind the thing we see. That ideal form is the nature of the
thing. Sounds good if you're arguing for the existence of
human rights. We're all different and imperfect people,
but there's a natural human right somewhere that is in
the real us, and we all get a share of it. Everything has a
cause, and those causes have causes, and those causes in
turn go back and back and back until you get to a primal
cause, a prime mover, an ideal form, a human right. Did

CONFISSIONS Of ,� Fl\ILW EGOIST AND 01HlR [\\AY\

Discovering Diverse Content Through
Random Scribd Documents
 1637.—October 18.
19. Act of Council.42
At Haly-rud-house the 18 of Octob. 1637.
Forasmuch as a number of the Lords of his Majesties Privie
Councell, as likewise the Towne Councell of Edinburgh, being this
day conveened in their severall Judicatories for his Majesties speciall
affaires and service, they were most rudely interrupted in the course
of their proceedings, by a tumultuous gathering of the promiscuous
and vulgar multitude, by whom his Majesties Councell and servants
in an open way was shamefully environed: Which being a matter
verie disgracefull to his Majesties Authoritie and lawfull Government,
and which in the consequence thereof may produce dangerous
effects, if the like bee not prevented in the time to come; Therefore
the Lords of Secret Councell, according to the dutie of their place
and charge incumbent unto them, Ordaines a Maissar of Councell to
passe to the Mercate Crosse of Edinburgh, and there by open
Proclamation to discharge all publike gatherings and convocations of
his Majesties subjects within the Citie of Edinburgh, and upon the
streets thereof; As likewise all private meetings tending to faction
and tumult: And in his Majesties name and authoritie, to command
and charge all his Majesties lieges and inhabitants within the said
Citie, to containe themselves in peace and quietnesse; And for that
effect to keepe their houses, except when their lawfull businesse
doth otherwise call them, Under all highest paine and charge that by
rigour of law can be inflicted upon the contraveeners of the premises
in manner above expressed.
 1637.—October 18.
20. Petition of the Men, Women, Children, and
Servants of Edinburgh to the Lord Chancellor, against
the Service Book.43
My Lord Chancellour,
Unto your Lordship humbly shewes, we, men, women, and
children, and servants, indwellers within the Burgh of Edinburgh:
That whereas we being urged with this Book of Service, and having
considered the same, We finde many things therein so farre different
from that forme of Gods publike worship universally received and
professed within this Kingdome: And we Burgesses, being at our
entrie and admission deeply sworne for the maintenance thereof,
that now makes our hearts to tremble, and our weak consciences
will not suffer us to imbrace and practise this urged Service: We
have this long time past, winked at some former alterations, being
put in hope that no further novations should follow. But now we
being oppressed, with our just feares to see our selves deprived of
that libertie in serving God which ever hath beene approved by
Church and Kingdome: In place whereof we are now like to be
constrained to imbrace another, which hath neither been agitated
nor received either by generall Assemblie or Parliament: In such
extremitie we are most humbly to supplicate your Lordship to
consider our present estate, and that this businesse is a matter of so
great weight and consequence as should not appeare to bee a
needlesse noyse of simple women, but it is the absolute desire of all
our hearts for preservation of true Religion amongst us, which is
dearer to us than either estate or life: And therefore we do humbly
crave, that as the rest of the Kingdome, so we may have a time to
advise, and that your Lordship may find out some way whereby we
may be delivered from the feare of this and all other innovations of
this kinde, and have the happinesse to injoy the true Religion, as it
hath beene by the great mercie of God reformed in this land, and
authorised by his Majestie, who may long and prosperously Reigne
over us: And your Lordships answer.
 1637.—October 18.
21. Petition of the Noblemen, Gentrie, Ministers,
Burgesses, and Commons to the Council against the
Service Book and Book of Canons.44
My Lords of Secret Councell,
Unto your Lordships humbly shews; We Noblemen, Barons,
Ministers, Burgesses, and Commons; That whereas we were in
humble and quiet manner attending a gracious answer of our former
supplications against the Service Book imposed upon us, and readie
to shew the great inconveniences which upon the introduction
thereof must ensue, we are, without any knowne desert, farre by
our expectation, surprised and charged by publike Proclamation to
depart out of the town within twentie foure houres thereafter, under
paine of Rebellion; by which peremptorie and unusuall charge, out
feares of a more severe and strict course of proceeding are
augmented, and course of our supplication interrupted: wherefore
we are constrained, out of the deep griefe of our hearts, humbly to
remonstrate, that whereas the Arch-bishops and Bishops of this
Realme, being intrusted by his Majestie with the government of the
affaires of the Church of Scotland, have drawne up and set forth,
and caused to be drawne up and set forth, and injoyned upon the
subjects two Books; In the one whereof, called the Book of Common
prayer, not onely are sowne the seeds of divers Superstitions,
Idolatrie, and false doctrine, contrarie to the true Religion
established within this Realme by divers Acts of Parliament; But also
the Service Booke of England is abused, especially in the matter of
Communion, by additions, subtractions, interchanging of words and
sentences, falsifying of titles, and misplacing of Collects, to the
disadvantage of Reformation, as the Romish Masse is, in the more
substantiall points, made up therein, as we offer to instruct in time
and place convenient, quite contrarie unto and for reversing the
gracious intention of the blessed Reformers of Religion in England.
In the other book called Canons and Constitutions for the
government of the Church of Scotland, they have ordained, That
whosoever shall affirme that the forme of worship inserted in the
Booke of Common Prayer and administration of the Sacraments,
whereof heretofore and now we most justly complaine, doth
containe any thing repugnant to the Scriptures, or are corrupt,
superstitious, or unlawfull in the service and worship of God, shall be
excommunicated, and not be restored but by the Bishop of the
place, or Archbishop of the Province, after his repentance and
publicke revocation of this his wicked errour; Besides one hundred
Canons moe, many of them tending to the reviving and fostering of
abolished superstitions and errours, and to the overthrow of our
Church Discipline established by Acts of Parliament, opening a doore
for what further invention of Religion they please to make, and
stopping the way which Law before did allow unto us for suppressing
of errour and superstition; And ordaining, That where in any of the
Canons there is no penalty expressly set down, the punishment shall
be arbitrary as the Bishop shall think fittest: All which Canons were
never seen nor allowed in any Generall Assembly, but are imposed
contrary to order of law, appointed in this Realm for establishing
Constitutions Ecclesiasticall; unto which two books, the foresaid
Prelates have under trust procured his Majesties Royall hand and
Letters Patents, for pressing the same upon his loyall subjects, and
are the Contrivers and Devisers of the same, as doth clearly appeare
by the Frontispice of the Book of Common Prayer, and have begun to
urge the acceptance of the same, not onely by injunctions given in
Provinciall Assemblies, but also by open Proclamation and charge of
Horning, whereby we are driven in such straites as we must either
by Processe of Excommunication and Horning suffer the ruine of our
estates and fortunes, or else by breach of our Covenant with God,
and forsaking the way of true Religion, fall under the wrath of God,
which unto us is more grievous then death. Wherefore we being
perswaded that these their proceedings are contrary to our gracious
Sovereign his pious intention, who out of his zeale and Princely care
of the preservation of true Religion established in this his ancient
Kingdome, hath ratified the same in his Highnesse Parliament 1633.
And so his Majestie to be highly wronged by the said Prelates, who
have so farre abused their credit with so good a King, as thus to
insnare his subjects, rend our Church, undermine Religion in
Doctrine, Sacraments, and Discipline, move discontent between the
King and his subjects, and discord between subject and subject,
contrary to severall Acts of Parliament: We out of bound duty to
God, our King and native Countrey, complain of the foresaid
Prelates, humbly craving, that this matter may be put to tryall, and
these our parties taken order with according to the lawes of the
Realm; And that they be not suffered to sit any more as Judges,
untill the cause be tryed and decided according to Justice. And if this
shall seeme to bee to you a matter of higher importance then you
will condescend unto, before his Majesty bee acquainted therewith,
Then wee humbly supplicate that this our grievance and complaint
may be fully represented to his Majestie, That from the influence of
his Gracious Soveraigntie and Justice these wrongs may bee
redressed, and we have the happinesse to injoy the Religion, as it
hath beene reformed in this Land.
 1637.—November 15.
22. Letter from the King to the Council.45
Charles Rˣ,
Rᵗ Reuerend Father in God, &c. Quheras ther are maney thinges at
this tyme considerable for our seruice in that kingdome, wich wee
cannot expresse at large be wreat wnto you, wee haue takin the
occasion of our trustie and weill beloued cousin and counseller, the
Earle of Roxbrughe, his repairing thither, that by him wee acquant
you with our mynd, als far as wee haue conceaued fitting, vpone
that wiche wee haue alredey hard from you. And it is oure pleasure,
that in all thinges wich he shall communicat to you from ws, ather
by word or wreat, concerning the present estait of that kingdome,
you giue trust to him; and wee expecte, that in eurey thing wich
you, or aney of you, haue found, ore shall find expedient for the
vindicating of our honor, and quieting of the present disorders within
that kingdome, ze will all giue that free aduice, and ioynt
concurrence, wich wee are confident to receaue from our faithfull
counsellers, quherof wee will be werey sensible, at most acceptable
seruice done. Wee bid you fairweell, from our courte at Whithall, the
15 of Nouember, 1637.
 1637.—December 7.
23. Proclamation at Linlithgow.46
Apud Linlithgow septimo Decemb. 1637.
For as much as the Kings Majestie, having seene the Petition
presented to the Lords of his Majesties privie Councell, and by them
sent up to his Majestie concerning the Service Book, determined to
have taken the same into his Royall consideration, and to have given
his gracious answer thereanent with all conveniencie: Like as his
Majestie by his letters to his Councell of the date of the ninth of
October last, did signifie his gracious resolution to the effect
aforesaid. But since that time, his Majestie finding (farre contrarie to
his expectation) that such disorderly, tumultuous and barbarous
insolencies have beene committed within the Citie of Edinburgh
upon the eighteenth of October last, to the great contempt of his
Majesties Royall authoritie, by abusing his Majesties Councellors and
Officers of State, with others bearing charge and authoritie under his
Majestie within the said Citie: His Majestie in a just resentment of
that foule indignitie, (wherein his Majesties Honour did so much
suffer) hath beene moved to delay the signification of his Majesties
gracious intention, in giving to his subjects such satisfactorie
answers to their Petitions as in equitie might have been expected
from so just and religious a Prince; But yet his Majestie being
unwilling that his Loyall and faithfull subjects should be possessed
with groundlesse and uncessarie doubts and feares, His Majestie is
pleased out of his goodnesse to declare, like as by these presents
hee declareth, That as he abhorreth all Superstition of Poperie, so he
will be most carefull that nothing be allowed within his Majesties
Dominions, but that which shall tend to the advancement of the true
Religion, as it is presently professed within his most ancient
Kingdome of Scotland: And that nothing is or was intended to be
done therein against the laudable lawes of this his Majesties native
Kingdome. And ordaineth publication to bee made hereof in forme
as aforesaid.
 1637.—December 21.
24. Speech of Lord Lowden to the Privy Council.47
After my Lord had, in all humility and submissiones, craued the
Lordes of his Maiesties priuey counsaill, ther audience and patience,
in respecte diuerse counsellors of the best sorte wer ther present,
quho wer not acquanted with the progresse of the bussines; he
declared the trew causse of the compirance of so grate a nomber of
the nobility, gentrey, ministrie, and comons of all sortes ther, thus:—
My Lordes, (sayes he,) the subiecte of our complaint and
contrawersie is religione, and lawes of the kingdome, wpone wiche
dependethe bothe the weillfaire of the churche and comonwealthe,
our condition of lyffe, our libertey and fortoune in this transitorey
worlde, and the æternall happines in the lyffe to come; our deutie to
Almightie God, the supreme King of Kinges, with our alledgeance
and deutie to our soueraigne lord and master, the King’s Maiestie.
The matter of our regrate and griuance is, the alteratione of
religione, in publicke forme of Gods worschipe, the most soleme
action of ws all cretures in earth, wich by the innouvations
complained off, is changed in doctrine, sacramentes and discipline,
without and contrair to seuerall actes of parliament, and actes of
nationall assemblies.
The innouations introduced, are chiffly the seruice booke, the
booke of canons and constitutis, and the heighe commissione; in
wich seruice booke are sowin the seedes of diuersse superstitions
and heresies, that the Roman messe, in maney and substantiall
poyntes, is made wpe therin; quhilke seruice booke and other
nouations haue nather warrant of general assembly, nor of acte of
parliament, bot contrarey to bothe, are introduced be the bischopes,
quho haue caused sett fourthe ane booke of canons, quherin it is
ordained, quhosoeuer shall affirme that the seruice booke containes
aney thing erronious, shall be excommunicat; wich booke is the
wsher and forrunner of the seruice booke printed therafter, quhilk by
the bischopes conwayence was ratiffied by acte of parliament, and
confirmed longe befor it was seine and printed, the bischopes for the
tyme making wpe the counsaile, no nobleman being present ther
quho did opposse it; and therafter by publick proclamatione cam
fourth, chargeing all his Maᵗⁱᵉˢ subiects to conforme therto, as the
onlie forme of Godes publicke worschipe to be wsed within the
kingdome. After this the booke was printed, and as the booke was
redey for the presse, letters of horning wer directed to charge the
minister to bay the saides bookes for the wsse of the paroche, in
Julij, wich moued them to giue in a bill of suspentione in Aguste
follouing. The subiects finding themselues in the lyke danger, wnder
one of tuo extremities, one being feared to be declared rebells and
excommunicat one the one hand, ore forsaking the way of trew
religione, one the other hand, contrarir to the sourne couenant with
them, could find out no better meine, be ane legall and submissiue
way, then to supplicat the Lordes of secret counsaile. Albeit thir
innouations, by all thosse quho takes Gods worshipe to harte, doe
wnderstand they wer contryuett to tend to the wtter ouerthrow of
the trew religione, and laufull liberty of the subiectes. Zet to eschew
the imputatione of factious conuocations and tumultous dealling,
and to testifie ther loyalty to the King, they resolued to proceid in
the most orderly way of supplicatting, by electinge one or tuo of the
most grauest ministers in each presbyterey, and one or tuo descreitt
gentlemen of each shyre, to prefer ther complaintes, remonstrances
and griuances to the counsaile, by quhosse mediation the matter
might be represented to the Kinges Maiestie, from quhosse justice,
redresse was humblie craued and expected; and supplications at
diuersse dyetts, giuen in name of the nobility, gentlemen, burrowes,
and ministers, to that effecte, as the petitions themselues, that wich
was giuen in the 23 of September, and that wpone the 18 of
October, doeth cleirlie proport. At quhilke tyme, by warrant,
appeirantly procured by the bischopes from his Maiestie, our
supplicationes wer interrupted, and the counsaile at that tyme
discharged to medle with churche bussines, and the supplicants to
be discharged off the toune within 24 houres, wnder the paine of
rebellione, wich feared them to giue in that supplicatione of the 18
of October, containing ane complaint aganist the bischopes, as
contriuers, manteiners and vrgers of the booke. And the supplicants
taking conweniencey of tyme, of the doune sitting of the sessione
againe in Edinbrughe, the 15 of Nouember, commissioners wer
chosen to attend his Maiesties anssuer, and doe quhat ells might
conduce for furthering of ther lawfull desyres. The Earle of
Roxbrughe being therafter sent from courte, did conweine the
counsaile at Linlithgow, the 7 of September, quher ther was ane
declaratione for the King, by oppin proclamatione at the mercat
crosse of Edinbrugh, shouing that the Kinges Maiestie doethe abhore
all superstitions of poprie, and wiolatione of the laudable lawes of
the kingdome; and the supplicants wer desyred by the Earle of
Roxbrughe and Traquair, Thesaurer, not to appeire at Linlithgow,
wnder promisse that ther supplicatione should be judicially hard in
counsaile the nixt weeke therafter, to the wich the counsaile wes
appoynted to sitt at Dalkeithe; wher the commissioners and diuersse
wther noblemen of good sorte, did attend the counsell to haue beine
hard, bot wer postponit till the 21 of December.
After this relatione, he subsumed wpon the proclamatione, that
thinges complined one wer superstitious, full of poprie and
superstitione, and wiolatione of the lawes of the kingdome,
quherwpon he groundit the supplicants confidence, to assist aganist
the eiuells and the manteiners therof, seing his Maiestie, by
proclamation, was cleired from authorizing the same.
After the forsaid relatione made by him, he presented a new bill,
with a declinatour against the bischopes, and the double of the
supplicatione presented the 23 of September, and 18 of October;
and becausse no bischopes wer in the counsaile that day, some one
quho remoued himselue befor the complainers cam in, he protested
that the bischopes heirafter should not be permitted to sitt as ther
iudges, wntill the causse was decydit, becausse they war parties,
and albeit they be absent at this tyme, (said he,) zet they may be
present at ane other tyme, and, possible both the most pairt of the
counsaile and complainers shall be absent. The Chanceler with 6 or
seuin other bischopes and coram of the counsaile, may determine
vpone our causse and petitions, als weill as they passed ane acte of
counsaile, for approuing the seruice booke befor it was ather printed
or seine, which acte, wee persuade ourselues had neuer beine
passed, if ather ther had beine a frequent counsaile, or if the
bischopes had not beine predominant ingredientes at that tyme.
After this, he said, our desyres tend to no other end bot the
præseruation of trew religion, the saluatione of our soules, and the
subiectes lawfull liberties; and quher wee craue the matter to be
trayed, and the bischopes and prælats delinquent takin order with
according to iustice, wee nather craue ther blood, nore harme to
ther persones; bot that the abusses and wronges done by them may
be trewlie remonstrat to his Maiesty, that after dew trayell of the
wronges, such order may be takin as the eiuells may be remedit;
and that the power wich they haue takin may be restrained, that the
lyke eiuells may be preuented in tyme to come.
Loudoun thus hauing endit his speach, Traquair, the Thesaurer,
preceiding in counsaile, acknouledged the treuthe of the relatione
and equity of the petition, and so remoued the parties complainers.
It past to interloquitor, and thereafter in ane acte.
 1637.—December 24.
25. Act of Council.48
The Lordes of secrett counsaile, hauing heard and considered the
tuo suplications and petitions giuen in by the noblemen, barrons,
ministers and burgeses, and finding the matter in them conteinned
to be of that waight and importance, that they cannot determine
therein wntill his Maiestie be acquanted with the same, and his royall
pleasur returned theranent. Therfor, the saides Lordes, for anssuer
to the tuo suplications and petitions, declared that they present the
same to his Maiesties royall consideratione, and that without
prejudice of the declinator giuen in by the saides suplicants,
quherwpon they shall be hard in tyme and place conuenient; and in
the meane tyme shall receaue no præiudice: quherwpone the saides
supplicants asked instruments.49
 1638.—February 19.
26. Proclamatian at Stirling.50
Charles by the grace God, King of great Britaine, France, and
Ireland, defender of the faith, &c. To Our Lovits, &c.
Our Sheriffes in that part conjunctly and severally, specially
constituted, greeting. For as much as Wee out of Our Princely care
of maintenance of the true Religion already professed, and for
beating downe of all superstition, having ordained a Book of
Common prayer to be compiled for the generall use and edification
of Our subjects within Our ancient Kingdome of Scotland, the same
was accordingly done: In the performing whereof, We took great
care and paines; So as nothing past therein but what was seene and
approved by Us, before the same was either divulged or printed,
assuring all Our loving subjects, that not onely Our intention is, but
even the verie Book will be a readie meanes to maintaine the true
Religion alreadie professed, and beat out all Superstition; Of which
We in Our owne time do not doubt but in a faire course to satisfie
Our good subjects. But having seene and considered some Petitions
and Declarations given in to Our Councell against the said Book and
late Canons of the Church, We find Our Royall Authority much
injured thereby, both in the matter and in the carriage thereof;
whereby We conceive these of Our Nobility, Gentrie, Burroughs,
Ministers, and others, who kept and assisted these meetings and
Convocations for contriving and forming the said Petitions, or who
have subscribed the same, to deserve and bee liable to Our high
censure, both in their persons and fortunes, as having conveened
themselves without either Our consent or authoritie; Yet because
Wee beleeve that what they have done herein is out of a
preposterous zeale, and not out of any disloyaltie or disaffection to
Soveraigntie, We are graciously pleased in so farre as concernes
these meetings for consulting or subscribing of these Petitions, or
presenting the same to any Judge or Judges in Our said Kingdome,
to dispense therewith, and with what may bee their fault or errour
therein, to all such as upon signification or declaration of Our
pleasure shall retire themselves as becometh good and dutifull
subjects: To which purpose Our will is, and We charge you straightly,
and commands, that incontinent these Letters seene, you passe, and
in Our name and authoritie make intimation hereof, to all Our lieges
and subjects, by open Proclamation at all places needfull,
wherethrough none pretend ignorance thereof; And therewith also,
That you in Our name and authoritie discharge all such convocations
and meetings in time comming, under the paine of treason: And also
that you command, and charge, and inhibit all our lieges and
subjects, that none of them presume nor take in hand to resort nor
repaire to Our Burgh of Sterling, nor to no other Burgh, where Our
Councell and Session sits, till first they declare their cause of
comming to our Councell, and procure their warrant to that effect.
And further, that you command and charge all and sundrie Provosts,
Bailiffes, and Magistrates within Burgh, That they and everie one of
them have a speciall care and regard to see this Our Royall will and
pleasure really and dutifully obeyed in all points; And that no
violation thereof be suffered within their bounds, under all highest
paine, crime, and offence that they may commit against Us in that
behalfe. As also that you command and charge all and sundrie
Noblemen, Barons, Ministers and Burrowes, who are not actuall
indwellers within this Our Burgh, and are not of the number of the
Lords of our privie Councell and Session, and members thereof, and
are already within this Our Burgh, that they, and everie one of them,
remove themselves, and depart and passe forth of Our said Burgh,
and returne not againe, without the warrant aforesaid, within six
houres after the publication hereof, under the said paine of treason.
And as concerning any Petitions that hereafter shall be given unto
Us, upon this or any other subject, Wee are likewise pleased to
declare, that We will not shut Our ears therefrom; so that neither
the matter nor forme be prejudiciall to Our Regall Authoritie. The
which to do We commit to you, conjunctly and severally, Our full
power by these Our Letters, delivering the same by you duely
execute and indorsed againe to the bearer. Given under Our Signet
at Sterling the nineteenth day of February, And of Our Reigne the
thirteenth yeere, 1638.
Per actum Secreti Concilii.
 1638.—February 19.
27. Protestation by Lords Hume and Lindsay.51
For God and the King.
We Noblemen, Barons, Ministers, Burrowes, appointed to attend
his Majesties answer to our humble Petition and complaint, and to
preferre new grievances, and to do what else may lawfully conduce
to our humble desires; That whereupon the 23. of September last,
wee presented a Supplication to your Lordships, and another upon
the 18. of October last, and also a new Bill relative to the former
upon the 19. of December last, and did therein humbly remonstrate
our just exceptions against the Service Book, and Book of Canons;
and also against the Archbishops and Bishops of this Kingdome, as
the contrivers, maintainers, and urgers therof, and against their
sitting as our Judges untill the cause be decided; earnestly
supplicating withall to bee freed and delivered from these and all
other innovations of that kinde, introduced against the laudable
Lawes of this Kingdome; as that of the High Commission, and other
evils particularly mentioned, and generally contained in our foresaid
supplications and complaints, and that this our partie delinquent
against our Religion and Lawes may be taken order with, and these
pressing grievances may be taken order with and redressed
according to the Lawes of this Kingdome, as by our said
supplications and complaints more largely doth appeare: With the
which on the 19. of December last, we gave in a Declinator against
the Arch-bishops and Bishops as our parties, who by consequence
could not be our Judges; whereupon your Lordships declared by
your Act at Dalkeith the said 19. of December, that you would
present our Petitions to his Majesties Royall consideration, and that
without prejudice of the Declinator given in by us the said
supplicants; whereupon we should be heard at place and time
convenient, And in the mean time should receive no prejudice, as
the said Act in it selfe beareth. And whereas we your Lordships
supplicants with a great deale of patience, and hope also, grounded
on sundry promises, were expecting an answer to these our humble
desires, and having learned that upon some directions of His
Majesties anent our supplications and complaint unto your Lordships
of the Secret Councell, your Lordships admits to the consulting and
judging anent our supplications, and His Majesties answere
thereunto, the Archbishops and Bishops our direct parties, contrarie
to our Declinator first propounded at Dalkeith, and now renewed at
Sterling; and contrarie to your Lordships Act aforesaid at Dalkeith,
and contrarie to our Religion and Lawes, and humble supplications.
Therefore lest our silence be prejudiciall to this so important a
cause, as concernes Gods glorie and worship, our Religion,
Salvation, the Lawes and Liberties of this Kingdome, or derogatorie
to the former supplications and complaints, or unanswerable to the
trust of our Commission; out of our bound dutie to our God, our
King and native Countrey, we were forced to take instruments in
Notaries hands, of your Lordships refusall to admit our Declinator, or
remove these our Parties, and to protest in manner following: First,
That we may have our immediate recourse to our sacred Soveraign,
to present our grievances, and in a legall way to prosecute the same
before the ordinarie competent Judges, Civill or Ecclesiasticall,
without any offence offered by us, or taken by your Lordships.
Secondly, We protest that the said Archbishops and Bishops, our
Parties complained upon, cannot be reputed or esteemed lawfull
Judges to sit in any Judicatorie in this Kingdome, Civill or
Ecclesiasticall, upon any of the supplicants, untill after lawfull tryall
judicially they purge themselves of such crimes as we have already
laid to their charge, offering to prove the same whensoever His
Sacred Majestie shall please to give us audience. Thirdly, We protest
that no Act nor Proclamation to follow thereupon, past, or to be past
in Councell or out of Councell, in presence of the Archbishops and
Bishops, whom we have already declined to be our Judges, shall any
wayes be prejudiciall to us the supplicants, our persons, estates,
lawfull meetings, proceedings, or pursuits. Fourthly, We protest that
neither we nor any whose heart the Lord moveth to joine with us in
these our supplications against the foresaid Innovations, shall
incurre any danger, in life, lands, or any Politicall or Ecclesiasticall
paines, for not observing such Acts, Bookes, Canons, Rites,
Judicatories, Proclamations, introduced without or against the Acts
of Generall Assemblies, or Acts of Parliament, the Statutes of this
Kingdome; But that it shall be lawfull for us or them to use our
selves in matters of Religion of the externall worship of God and
Policie of the Church, according to the word of God, and laudable
Constitutions of this Church and Kingdome, conforme to His
Majesties Declaration the ninth of December last. Fifthly, Seeing by
the legall and submisse way of our former supplications, all who
takes these Innovations to heart, have been kept calme and carried
themselves in a quiet manner, in hope of redresse; We protest, that
if any inconvenience shall happen to fall out (which we pray the Lord
to prevent) upon the pressing of any of the foresaid Innovations of
evils, specially or generally contained in our former supplications and
complaints, and upon your Lordships refusall to take order
thereanent, the same be not imputed to us, who most humbly seeks
all things to be reformed by an Order. Sixthly, We protest that these
our requests, proceeding from conscience and a due respect to His
Majesties honour, doe tend to no other end, but to the preservation
of the true reformed Religion, the lawes and liberties of this His
Majesties most ancient Kingdome, and satisfaction of our most
humble desires contained in our supplication and complaint,
according to his Majesties accustomed goodnesse and justice, from
which we doe certainly expect that His Sacred Majestie will provide
and grant such remedie to our just petitions and complaints, as may
be expected from so gracious a King toward most loyall and dutifull
subjects, calling for redresse of so pressing grievances, and praying
to God that his Majestie may long and prosperously reigne over us.
 1638.—March 3.
28. Instructions from his Majesties Council to the
Lord Justice-Clerk, whom they have ordained to go
to Court for his Majesties service.52
In the first, you are to receaue from the clercke of the counsaile
all the actes since our meitting one the 1 of Marche instant.
Item, you haue to represent to his Maᵗⁱᵉ, that this dayet of
counsaile was appoynted to be keipt solemley, by adwisse of the
Lord Chanceler and remanent Lordes of the clergie, beinng at
Edinbrughe for the tyme, quo assurid ws that they wold keepe the
dayett preceisly; bot at our meitting at Stirlinge, wee receaued a
letter of excusse from the Lord Chanceler, wich forced ws to proceid
without his presence, or aney other of the Lordes of the clergie,
except the Bischope of Brechin, quho attendit with ws three dayes,
bot remoued befor the closinge of our oppinion anent the bussines.
Item, imediatly after wee had resolued to directe you with a letter
of trust to his Maiestie, wee did send our letter to the Lord
Chanceler, acquanting him with our proceidinges, and desyring him
to consider therof, and if he approued the same, to seinge them,
and causse the remanent Lordes of the clergie, being ewest to him,
and namlie, the Bischope of Brechin, quho was ane eare and eye
wittnes to our consultations, to signifie the same to his Maiestie, and
by his letter to signifie hes approbation therof; or if his Lordschipe
did find aney other way more conuenient for his Maiesties honor,
and peace of the countrey, that his Lordschipe, by his letter to the
(L’s) Thesaurer and Priuey Seall, wold acquant them therwith, to the
effecte they might conweine the counsaile for consulting theranent.
Item, that ze show to his Maiestie, that the counsaile, all in one
woyce, findes, that the causse of the generall combustion in the
countrey, are the fears apprehendit of the innouation of religion and
discipline of the kirke, established by the lawes of the kingdome, by
occasione of the seruice booke, booke of canons, and heighe
commission, and formes of introduction therof.
Item, you are to represent to his Maᵗⁱᵉ our humble oppinions, that
seing, as wee conceaue, the seruice booke, booke of canons, and
heighe commission, (as is sett doune) are the occasione of this
combustion; and that the subiects offers them to proue, wpone
perrill of ther liues and fortuns, to cleir that the said seruice booke,
and wthers forsaides, conteine diuersse poyntes contrarey to the
trew religion presently professed, and lawes of the kingdome, in
matter and maner of introduction; that the Lordes thinkes it
expedient, that it be represented to his Maiesties gratious
consideratione, that his Maiestie may be pleassid to declare, as ane
acte of his singular iustice, that his Maiestie will take trayell of his
subiects griuances, and reasons therof, in his auen tyme, and in his
auen way, according to the lawes of the kingdome; and that his
Maiestie may be pleassed gratiously to declaire, that in the meane
tyme he will not presse nor vrge his subiectes therwithe,
notwithstanding of aney acte or warrand made in the contrarey.
And in caisse his Maiesty shall be gratiouslie pleassed to approue
of our oppinions, you are therafter to represent to his Maiesties
wysse and gratious consideratione, if it shall be fitting to consulte his
Maiesties counsaile, or some suche of them as he shall be pleased to
call, ore allow to be sent from the table, both anent the tyme and
way of doing.
Item, if his Maiestie (as God forbid) shall dislyke of quhat wee
conceaue to be most conducing to his Maiesties seruice and peace of
the kingdome, you are to vrge by all the arguments you can, that his
Maiestie doe not determine vpone aney other coursse, wntill some at
least of his counsaile from this be hard to giue the ressons of ther
opinions; and in this caisse you are lykwayes to represent to his
Maiesties consideratione, if it shall not be fitting and necessar to call
for his informers, togider with some of his counsaile, that in his auen
presence he may haue the reasons of both informations fully
delatted.
 Item, you shall show to his Maiestie, that his counsaile, hauing
takin to ther consideratione quhat furder was to be done, for
compessing and settling the present combustion within the
kingdome, and dissipatinge of the conuocations and gatheringes
within the samen, seing that proclamations are alredey made and
published, discharging all suche conuocations and wnlawfull
meittinges, the (L’s) after debaitting, findes they can doe no furder
then is alredey done heirin, wntill his Maiesties pleasur be returned
to thir our humble remonstrances.
 1638.—March 5.
29. Letter from Traquair and Roxburgh to the King.53
Most Sacred Soveraign,
Although the miserable Estate of this poor Kingdome will be
sufficiently understood by Your Majesty from this Gentleman, Sir
John Hamilton’s Relation, yet we conceive our selves in a special
manner bound and obliged to represent what we conceive does so
nearly concern Your Majesties Honour and Service; and therefore
give us leave truly and faithfully to tell Your Majesty, that since the
last Proclamation, the fear of Innovation of Religion is so
apprehended by all sorts of Subjects from all corners of this
Kingdom, that there is nothing to be seen here but a general
Combustion, and all men strengthening themselves by subscribing of
Bonds, and by all other means for resisting of that which they seem
so much to fear. This is come to such a height, and daily like to
increase more and more, that we see not a probability of Force or
Power within this Kingdom to repress this Fury, except Your Majesty
may be graciously pleased, by some Act of Your Own, to secure
them of that which they seem so much to apprehend, by the
inbringing of the Books of Common-Prayer and Canons.
The way which the Subjects have taken and daily go about in the
prosecution of their business is inexcusable, and no ways agreeable
to the duty of good Subjects, but Your Majesty is wisely to consider
what is the best and safest course for Your Own Honour and Peace
of Your Government; and since Religion is pretended to be the cause
of all, if it shall not be a safe course to free them at this time of
Fears, by which means the wiser sort will be satisfied, and so Your
Majesty enabled with less pain or trouble to overtake the Insolencies
of any, who shall be found to have kicked against Authority.
We are the rather moved at this time to be of this opinion, that
having found it the opinion, not only of those to whom Your Majesty
wrote in particular, (except of the Marquis of Huntley, who as yet is
not come from the north:) but of most of the Noblemen, and men of
respect within this Kingdom: we find few or none well-satisfied with
this business, or to whom we dare advise Your Majesty to trust in
the prosecution thereof; and if any have, or shall inform Your
Majesty to the contrary, give us leave humbly to intreat Your
Majesty, to be pleased to call them before Your Self, that in our
presence You may hear the reasons of both Informations fully
debated. So praying God to grant Your Majesty many happy days,
and full contentment in all your Royal designs, we humbly take our
leave, and rest,
Your Majesties humble Servants,
and faithful Subjects,
Traquair.
Roxburgh.
Sterlin March 5. 1638.
 1638.—March 5.
30. Letter from the Council to Marquis of Hamilton.54
Our very Honourable Good Lord,
We finding the Subjects Fears and Stirs to encrease since the last
Proclamation, did appoint by the Lord Chancellour, and other Lords
of the Clergy, their Special Advice, a solemn Dyet of Council to be
kept at Sterlin, on the first of March, where the Lord Chancellour,
and other Lords of the Clergie, promised to be present to consult
upon the growth of the publick Evils and Remedies thereof, for His
Majesties Honour and Peace of this Country; but having met at
Sterlin, we received a Letter of Excuse from the Lord Chancellour,
and were forced to proceed without him, and the other Lords of the
Clergy; where, after we had spent four days in advising upon the
said Evils and Remedies of them, we resolved in end to direct Sir
John Hamilton of Orbiston, one of our number, with a Letter of Trust
from us to His Majesty, to whom we have imparted our Opinions,
and Reasons of the said publick Ills, and Remedies of the same, to
be represented to His Sacred Majesty; and because the business is
so weighty and important, that in our opinion the Peace of the
Country was never in so great hazard, we have thought fit to
recommend the business to your Lordships consideration, that after
your Lordship has heard the Justice-Clerk therein, your Lordship
according to your great interest in His Majesties Honour and Peace
of the Kingdom, may concur by your best advice and assistance at
His Majesties hands to bring these great and fearful Ills to a happy
event. So committing your Lordship to the Grace of God, we rest
Your Lordships very good Friends,

Traquair Lauderdale Napier

Roxburgh Southesk J. Hay
Winton Angus Tho. Hope
Perth Lorn J. Carmichael
Wigton Down W. Elphinston
Kinghorn Elphinston
Sterlin March 5. 1638.
 1638.—March 27.
31. Demands by the Covenanters given to
Traquaire.55
First, It is certaine that the present not wrging or present
discharging of the seruice booke, the booke of canons, and off the
last heighe comissione, cannot satisfie our supplications, complaints,
protestatione and cofession, cannot remeed the present eiuills, nor
prewine the lyke in time coming.
2. Experience showeth the necessity, that this kirke must be
assured, by ane acte of free generall assembley, and of ane
parliament, that shoe shall neuer be vrged heirafter with aney
alteratione in poyntes of doctrine, diwyne worschipe, or churche
gouerniment, bot that wich shall be first aggreid wpon in a lawfull
and free generall assembly, wich is order appoynted be God,
obserued and præscribed in this churche since the reformatione, and
the principall meine to giue satisfactione to all mens myndes in
matters of religion, as far so as is possible.
3. Pastors and professors can neuer be free of troubles or feares,
so long as the terror of the heigh commission standes ouer ther
heades, wich cannot be limitted, bot quyte discharged.
First, Becausse it was introduced and exercissed, not only with the
lawes of this kirke and kingdome, bot aganist the expresse acte of
bothe.
2. It is [a] courte of ciuile and ecclesiasticke persons, hauing
pouer to inflicte both spirituall and temporall paines, and therfor,
being in the constitutione therof wnlawfull, cannot be qualified with
aney limitations.
3. A commissione for ecclesiasticke persons to inflicte spirituall
censures, cannot proceid from the King, bot from the generall
assembley of the kirke: and a comissione to ciuile persons to inflicke
temporall paines for ecclesiastick causes, cannot proceid bot from
the parliament, at the desyre of the assemblies.
4tly. It subuerteth all other judicatories of this kirke and realme,
and indangereth the liberties, estaites and persons of the quholl
leidges.
4o. The vrginge of the artickeles of Perth, wnder ecclesiasticke
and ciuile paines, hath caussed grate trouble and dissention in the
kirk, made way for all ther subsequent innouations and superstitions,
and zet is nather warranted be the acte of assembley, wich doeth
nather conteine aney penaltie, nor inoyn’d by way of præcept,
necessarly to be obayed, bot by way of counsaile, freelie to be
obserued; and that wpone this ressone, seing all memorey of
bygaine superstitione is past, wich being anima legis, inferreth via
contrariorum, by way of contraries, the necessity of our not
obseruing, seing the memorey of bygaine superstition is now reuiued
and pressed, according to the last claus of the 21 artickell of our
large Confession of Faith, ratified in parliament, and according to our
promise in our lait confession; nather is it zet warranted by the actes
of parliament, wich doeth ratifie the actes of this assembley, without
aney desyre from the kirke; zea, contrarey to the suplications and
protestations of maney godlie and learnid of the ministrie, bot neuer
intendit, nor could change the free voluntarey obseruance in matters
ecclesiasticke of ane churche counsaile, wnto the necessarey
obedience of a penall statute, and therfor the vrging of the Perth
artickells must ceasse and desist.
5o. Ther is no appirance of staying the present commotions and
combustions in the kingdome, of satisfieing the Kinges honor and
mynd, misinformed by our aduersaries, nor of cleiring of the subiects
pious loyaltie, in ther legall and peacefull proceidinges, from all
calumnies and misconstructions, accept in a free generall assemblie;
the present archbischopes and bischopes, the authors and causse of
all the innowations compleined vpon, and of all misinformations
aganist the compleiners, be trayed and censsured according to the
actes of the generall assembley; for it is aganist all law and reasone,
that they should be, without dew censure, suffred to reuelle at ther
pleasure; and ther auen acte of the assembley at Glasgow, quherby
they haue ther pouer appoynted them, to be censured in ther lyffe,
office and benefice, by the generall assembly, sick-lyke that ministers
be trayed in ther office and conuersatione, and censured according
to the actes of the assembley.
6o. For keiping the purity of religion in this kirk, and establishing a
firme peace in this kingdome in tyme coming, generall assemblies
must be haldin at the ordinarey tyme, for the commissioners
appoynted by K. James for the assemblie, at Linlithgow, 1606, and
wthers acquanted withe his Maiesties intentions, declaire that his
Maiesty was neuer of ane other mynde, bot that the holding generall
assemblies at certane competent tymes, was and is a most
necessarey meine for preseruation of piety and vnion in the kirke,
and for exterminatione of heresie and schisime, (quhilk our dolefull
experience, and innumerable eiuells follouing wpon vant therof,
doeth wndenayablie confirme); and therfor it was his will, that the
acte of parliament should stand in force for conweinng the generall
assembley once in the zeire, lyke as it was acknouledged in the
afforsaid assembly of Glasgow, 1610, that the necessity of the kirke
did craue, that for taking order with the common enimney, and for
other affaires of the kirke, ther be zeirlie generall assemblies, and
therfor that assembley requysted his Maiestie, that generall
assemblies might be haldin once in the zeire, ore at least at sett
tymes, in all tyme coming.
7o. The least can be sought for the present concerning ministers
wotters in parliament, is, that they be limitted by the particular
caueatts aggreid one in the assemblie, 1600, at Montrose, and by
aney other cautions to be made, as the assembley shall thinke meitt
and necessarey, (from oure 37 zeires experience of the fruittes and
consequences thereof,) as it was appointed at that tyme; for so
longe as they wotte in parliament, absolutly without the limitation of
ther cautions, they can neuer be thought to wotte in name of the
kirke.
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