The Big Bang Theory 2x04 - The Griffin Equivalency

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT
1. (C.O.)
COLD OPENING FADE IN: INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT - NIGHT (NIGHT 1) (Leonard, Sheldon, Penny, Wolowitz, Koothrappali) LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND PENNY ARE ARRANGING TAKEOUT FOOD. LEONARD Let's see, Raj is the Kung Pao Chicken. PENNY I'm the dumplings. WOLOWITZ Yes, you are. PENNY Creepy, Howard. HOWARD Creepy good or creepy bad? LEONARD Who's the shrimp with lobster sauce? WOLOWITZ (REACHING FOR THE CONTAINER) would be me. (MORE) That
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT WOLOWITZ (CONT'D)
2. (C.O.)
Come to papa, you un-kosher delight. (TO PENNY) I'm talking to the food. PENNY Sit over there. SHELDON ENTERS CARRYING A BOX OF BABY WIPES. SHELDON Sorry I'm late. there. PENNY MOVES. SHELDON SITS DOWN AND WIPES HIS HANDS WITH A BABY WIPE. HE OFFERS THEM TO THE OTHERS. SHELDON (CONTD) Baby Wipe? PENNY Why do you have-LEONARD/WOLOWITZ No, don't ask! / No, don't, don't. SHELDON I'll tell you why. I had to sanitize (TO PENNY) Sit over * * * *
my hands because the university replaced the paper towels in the rest rooms with hot air blowers. PENNY I thought blowers were more sanitary. LEONARD/WOLOWITZ No, no, stop. / Why? * *
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT SHELDON
3. (C.O.)
Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence. Frankly it would be more hygienic if they just had a plague-infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry. PENNY Oh. (TO LEONARD) Well that was
unpleasant. LEONARD We tried to stop you. PENNY Someday I'll learn. KOOTHRAPPALI ENTERS. KOOTHRAPPALI Guys, I have the most amazing news. got-HE SEES PENNY. HE TRIES TO CONTINUE, BUT HE CAN'T. STRANGLED NOISE COMES OUT OF HIS THROAT. PENNY Oh, gee, Raj, do you think maybe someday you'll be able to talk in front of me without being drunk? HE SHRUGS "MAYBE." PENNY (CONTD) You know what? myself. I'll just go eat by * * A I
4. (C.O.)
PENNY TAKES HER DUMPLINGS AND CROSSES TO THE DOOR, GIVING KOOTHRAPPALI A KISS ON THE CHEEK. PENNY (CONTD) Goodbye you poor strange little man. PENNY EXITS. KOOTHRAPPALI She's so considerate. WOLOWITZ So what's your news? KOOTHRAPPALI Remember that little planetary object I spotted beyond the Kuiper Belt? LEONARD Oh sure, 2008NQ-Sub-17. KOOTHRAPPALI Or as I call it, Planet Bollywood. Anyway, because of my discovery, People Magazine is naming me one of their "thirty under thirty" to watch. LEONARD/WOLOWITZ That's incredible, Raj. / Congratulations. SHELDON Excuse me, thirty what under thirty what to watch what? * * *
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI
5. (C.O.)
What is wrong with you, dude?
Thirty
visionaries under thirty years of age to watch as they challenge the preconceptions of their fields. SHELDON If I had a million guesses, I never would have gotten that. KOOTHRAPPALI It's pretty cool. They've got me in * *
with a guy who's doing something about hunger in Indonesia. LEONARD Ending it? KOOTHRAPPALI Let's hope. And a psychotherapist
who's using dolphins to rehabilitate prisoners, and Ellen Page, star of the charming independent film "Juno." WOLOWITZ Oh, I'd so do her. LEONARD You'd do the dolphins. WOLOWITZ Do I get an honorable mention for designing the telescope camera mounting bracket you used?
6. (C.O.) * *
Sorry, that's not part of my compelling and heartwarming personal narrative. WOLOWITZ What's your narrative? KOOTHRAPPALI I am a humble boy from New Delhi who overcame poverty and prejudice to reach for the stars. WOLOWITZ Poverty? Your father's a He drives a Bentley.
* * * * * * * * * * *
gynecologist.
KOOTHRAPPALI It's a lease. SHELDON I'm confused. Was there some sort of
peer review committee to determine which scientists would be included? KOOTHRAPPALI Peer review? It's People Magazine.
People picked me. SHELDON What people? KOOTHRAPPALI The people from People.
7. (C.O.)
Yes, but exactly who are these people? What are their credentials? they qualified? What makes How are * * * * * * * KOOTHRAPPALI (STRUGGLES FOR AN ANSWER, THEN) Boy,
accidentally noticing a hunk of rock that's been traipsing around the solar system for billions of years more noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment made by someone under thirty?
I'll bet Ellen Page's friends aren't giving her this kind of crap. KOOTHRAPPALI CROSSES TO THE KITCHEN. LEONARD Are you proud of yourself? SHELDON In general, yes. AND WE: CUT TO: MAIN TITLES *
8. (I/A)
ACT ONE SCENE A FADE IN: INT. SHELDON'S OFFICE - THE NEXT DAY (DAY 2) (Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz) SHELDON IS AT HIS GREASE BOARD. THEN STEPS BACK TO LOOK AT IT. SHELDON Oh, well there's my missing neutrino. You were hiding from me as an unbalanced charge, weren't you, you little sub-atomic dickens? LEONARD AND WOLOWITZ ENTER. LEONARD Hey, Sheldon. SHELDON Look, look, I found my missing neutrino. WOLOWITZ Oh good, we can take it off the milk carton. * * HE SCRIBBLES AN EQUATION,
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT LEONARD
9. (I/A)
Come on, we're going to apologize to Raj and invite him to dinner. SHELDON Apologize for what? LEONARD He came over last night with some pretty good news and we weren't very supportive, some of us less so than others. WOLOWITZ What Leonard's trying to say is you were a colossal asshat. SHELDON Oh, I beg to differ. Of the three of
us, I was by far the most supportive. LEONARD Really? Do tell. SHELDON How will Raj ever reach true greatness if his friends lower the bar for him? When I was eleven, my sister gave our father a "World's Greatest Dad" coffee mug and frankly, the man coasted until the day he died.
10. (I/A)
Okay, let's try it this way: What if this People Magazine thing is the best Raj is ever going to achieve? SHELDON I had not considered that. LEONARD Come on. SHELDON EXITS. AS LEONARD AND WOLOWITZ FOLLOW: WOLOWITZ (TO LEONARD) He can feel sadness? LEONARD Not really. It's what you and I would That's so sad.
call condescension. CUT TO:
11. (I/B)
SCENE B INT. HALLWAY/INT. KOOTHRAPPALI'S OFFICE - A MOMENT LATER (DAY 2) (Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz) / (Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz, Koothrappali, Gablehauser) LEONARD, SHELDON AND WOLOWITZ COME AROUND THE CORNER. LEONARD Now when we go in there let's show him that we're happy for him. SHELDON But I'm not. WOLOWITZ Well, then fake it. Look at me. I
could be grinding on the fact that without my stabilizing telescope mount he never would have found that stupid little clump of cosmic schmutz. I'm bigger than that. SHELDON Fine. What do you want me to do? LEONARD Smile. SHELDON OFFERS A GRIMACED, STRAINED HAPPY FACE. WOLOWITZ STARE AT HIM. LEONARD AND But
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT WOLOWITZ
12. (I/B)
Oh crap, that's terrifying. LEONARD We're here to see Koothrappali, not kill Batman. WOLOWITZ Try less teeth. SHELDON CLOSES HIS LIPS. IT'S STILL BIZARRE.
LEONARD Close enough. THEY CROSS INTO... RESET TO: INT. KOOTHRAPPALI'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS (Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz, Koothrappali, Gablehauser) ...TO FIND KOOTHRAPPALI WORKING ON HIS COMPUTER. LEONARD Hey, Raj. KOOTHRAPPALI Hey, guys. What's up? WOLOWITZ We just wanted to invite you out to dinner tonight. LEONARD You know, to celebrate your "thirty under thirty" deal. Right, Sheldon? Come on.
SHELDON FLASHES A BIZARRE SMILE.
13. (I/B)
Well, that's very nice of you. would like that. GABLEHAUSER ENTERS. GABLEHAUSER Hello, boys. KOOTHRAPPALI Dr. Gablehauser. GABLEHAUSER Dr. Koothrappali. LEONARD Dr. Gablehauser. GABLEHAUSER Dr. Hofstader. SHELDON Dr. Gablehauser. GABLEHAUSER Dr. Cooper. WOLOWITZ Dr. Gablehauser. GABLEHAUSER Mr. Wolowitz. WOLOWITZ (UNDER HIS BREATH)
I have a Master's.
GABLEHAUSER Boys, I've got a question for you: Who in this room discovered a star?
14. (I/B)
Actually, 2008NQ-Sub-17 is a planetary body. GABLEHAUSER I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. And (POINTING TO
KOOTHRAPPALI) you, my exotic young friend, are my star. SHELDON You didn't discover him. You merely
noticed he was here -- much like he did with 2008NQ-Sub-17. LEONARD Sheldon. SHELDON Oh, sorry. SHELDON SMILES BIZARRELY AT KOOTHRAPPALI. GABLEHAUSER (LOOKING AROUND; TO KOOTHRAPPALI) We've got to get you a better office. Something more suited to your status. KOOTHRAPPALI I have status? What's my status?
GABLEHAUSER Less than mine, more than theirs.
15. (I/B)
Oh, that's great, but you really don't have to go to any trouble. GABLEHAUSER How about I put you in Von Gerlich's old office? KOOTHRAPPALI I'd rather have Fishbein's. bigger. GABLEHAUSER Done. WOLOWITZ Wait a minute, I called dibs on Fishbein's office the day he started showing up at work in his bathrobe. KOOTHRAPPALI Yes, but I have status and status trumps dibs. SHELDON Hold on a second. (TO GABLEHAUSER) It's
He gets a new office and I can't even get paper towels for the men's room? LEONARD Sheldon. SHELDON Oh, damn. This is hard.
SHELDON SMILES BIZARRELY AT KOOTHRAPPALI.
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT GABLEHAUSER
16. (I/B)
Let me explain something to you, gentlemen. What do you think the
business of this place is? LEONARD/SHELDON/WOLOWITZ Science. GABLEHAUSER Money. Money that pays for our linear
accelerators and particle detectors and those hunched-over immigrant women who clean our offices at night. WOLOWITZ Well now, hang on, a couple of 'em are muy caliente. GABLEHAUSER That's offensive, Mr. Wolowitz. In
any case, this boy's face in People Magazine will help us raise a pile of money taller than, well, taller than you. HE PATS WOLOWITZ ON THE HEAD. WOLOWITZ I have a Master's degree. GABLEHAUSER Who doesn't? (THEN TO KOOTHRAPPALI)
Dr. Koothrappali, have you ever had lunch in the president's dining room?
17. (I/B)
I didn't even know there was a president's dining room. GABLEHAUSER Up till now, you weren't supposed to. Come on, little buddy. GABLEHAUSER PUTS HIS ARM AROUND KOOTHRAPPALI AND WALKS OFF DURING: KOOTHRAPPALI Okay, big buddy. WAVING) (LOOKING BACK AND
See you tonight, guys.
GABLEHAUSER AND KOOTHRAPPALI EXIT. SHELDON Can I stop smiling now? AND WE: CUT TO:
18. (I/C)
SCENE C INT. CHEESECAKE FACTORY - NIGHT (NIGHT 2) (Leonard, Sheldon, Penny, Wolowitz, Koothrappali, Extras) LEONARD, SHELDON, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPPALI ARE EATING DINNER AND DRINKING AT A TABLE FOR FOUR. KOOTHRAPPALI IS DRINKING A GRASSHOPPER. KOOTHRAPPALI So anyway, after a fantastic lunch I was whisked off to the People Magazine photo shoot, where I posed like this. HE POSES, EYES GAZING HEAVENWARD. KOOTHRAPPALI (CONTD) (OFF THEIR LOOKS) They're going to * * * * * *
digitally add stars later. LEONARD Sounds great. KOOTHRAPPALI I suggested they include a supernova because it's the perfect metaphor for me. SHELDON Right. A ball of hot flaming gas. SHELDON SMILES BIZARRELY.
* * * * * *
LEONARD NUDGES SHELDON.
19. (I/C) * * * * *
And they had a marvelous makeup fellow who's also working on the new "Knight Rider" TV show. He said I can stop by
the set any time I want and hobnob with David Hasselhoff. WOLOWITZ Lucky you. SHELDON (SOTTO TO LEONARD) Have we at this
* *
point met our social obligations? LEONARD Not yet. SHELDON SIGHS AND TURNS TO KOOTHRAPPALI AND SMILES DISCONCERTINGLY. KOOTHRAPPALI, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO, GIVES HIM A SIMILAR SMILE BACK. KOOTHRAPPALI'S CELL PHONE RINGS. SFX: KOOTHRAPPALI'S CELL PHONE RINGING KOOTHRAPPALI Excuse me. (RE: PHONE SCREEN) It's *
my assistant, Trevor. Go for Koothrappali... huh... WOLOWITZ (SOTTO TO LEONARD) assistant?
(INTO PHONE) Uh-huh... Uh-
They gave him an
If I want a new pen, I
have to go to the bank with wire cutters.
20. (I/C)
(INTO PHONE)
Okay, put it on my
calendar but start thinking of a reason why I can't go... Koothrappali out. All righty,
(HANGS UP, THEN) I don't know what
God bless that boy. I'd do without him. LEONARD
You just got him this afternoon. KOOTHRAPPALI Yes, but I'm finding that having a lackey suits me. LEONARD A lackey? KOOTHRAPPALI Oh, I'm sorry. incorrect? Is that politically *
In India, we call them
untouchables. KOOTHRAPPALI TAKES A SIP OF HIS DRINK. SHELDON (SOTTO TO LEONARD) LEONARD Almost. KOOTHRAPPALI (REMEMBERING) Oh, speaking of * Now?
untouchables, I've got good news for you guys. (MORE)
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI (CONT'D)
21. (I/C)
People Magazine is having a reception this Saturday and I managed to get you invited. WOLOWITZ Oh, gee, thanks. KOOTHRAPPALI You're very welcome. Of course, I
can't get you into the VIP section because, you know, that's for VIPs and you guys are just, you know... P's. SHELDON You know, there's a tribe in Papua New Guinea where, when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village, they kill him and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense, of
course, but one can see their point. KOOTHRAPPALI Are you dissing me, dude? If you're
dissing me, you can't hang with me and the Hoff. PENNY CROSSES OVER WITH ANOTHER GRASSHOPPER FOR RAJ. PENNY Here you go, Raj. You might want to
drink this one slowly.
22. (I/C)
Okay.
(TO THE GUYS)
So, Saturday
night, can I count on my posse? WOLOWITZ Gee, I'd love to, Raj, but I can't make it. KOOTHRAPPALI Oh. All right. Leonard?
LEONARD Mmmm... No. KOOTHRAPPALI Oh, okay. Sheldon? SHELDON I can make it. But I won't.
PENNY What are you guys talking about? KOOTHRAPPALI There's a reception for my magazine article on Saturday. PENNY And you guys aren't going? THEY ALL SHAKE THEIR HEADS NO. PENNY (CONT'D) (TO THE GUYS) I can't believe you. *
Raj is celebrating a tremendous accomplishment and you're not going to be there to support him?
23. (I/C)
No, a tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered was plummeting toward Earth and he exploded it with his mind. WOLOWITZ That would be cool. reception. PENNY Come on, this is huge. Raj is gonna I'd go to that
be in People Magazine and he didn't even have to knock up one of the Spears sisters! KOOTHRAPPALI Would you like to come with me? PENNY Of course I would. I'd be honored to.
KOOTHRAPPALI Really? Okay, cool. PENNY Shame on you guys. PENNY CROSSES AWAY. KOOTHRAPPALI Look at that, I got a date with Penny. (TO LEONARD) you a year. SHELDON TURNS TO LEONARD. I can't believe it took
24. (I/C)
Now? LEONARD Now. AS LEONARD, SHELDON AND WOLOWITZ GET UP AND CROSS OUT LEAVING KOOTHRAPPALI SITTING BY HIMSELF: KOOTHRAPPALI (TURNING TO PEOPLE AT THE NEXT TABLE) Hey, I'm going to be in People Magazine. AND WE: FADE OUT. END OF ACT ONE
25. (II/D)
ACT TWO SCENE D FADE IN: INT. 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY - SATURDAY NIGHT (NIGHT 3) (Leonard, Penny, Koothrappali) KOOTHRAPPALI, IN AN EXPENSIVE SUIT, IS HOLDING TWO GLASSES OF CHAMPAGNE AND DRINKING FROM ONE. PENNY OPENS THE DOOR IN A TASTEFUL COCKTAIL DRESS. PENNY Wow, Raj, look at you. KOOTHRAPPALI I know. I'm resplendent like the
noonday sun, am I not? PENNY Uh, yeah. Starting with the champagne
a little early, aren't you? KOOTHRAPPALI It was in the limo. I have a limo. limo. Here. They sent a limo.
I just love saying
HE HANDS HER A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE.
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI (CONT'D)
26. (II/D)
You can sip this while you're getting ready. PENNY I am ready. KOOTHRAPPALI That's what you're wearing? PENNY Yeah, why, what's wrong with it? KOOTHRAPPALI Nothing. I was just hoping for
something a little more, you know, vava-voom. PENNY Well, this is all the voom you get tonight. KOOTHRAPPALI Okey-dokey. Let's roll.
SHE QUICKLY CHUGS THE GLASS AND HANDS IT BACK TO KOOTHRAPPALI. KOOTHRAPPALI (CONTD) It's time to raise the roof. (GESTURING UPWARD WITH HIS HANDS) Whoop! Whoop!
AS KOOTHRAPPALI AND PENNY START DOWN THE STAIRS, LEONARD COMES UP THE STAIRS WITH TAKEOUT FOOD. PENNY Hi, Leonard.
27. (II/D)
Hey. KOOTHRAPPALI Dude. LEONARD You look very nice. PENNY/RAJ (RE: THEMSELVES) you. PENNY SHOOTS A LOOK AT RAJ. KOOTHRAPPALI What? PENNY Come on. Good night, Leonard. LEONARD Good night. THEY START DOWN THE STAIRS. KOOTHRAPPALI STOPS, THEN: Thank you. / Thank *
KOOTHRAPPALI Hey, Leonard. downstairs? LEONARD Yeah. KOOTHRAPPALI It's bigger than the house my grandfather grew up in. LEONARD Terrific. Did you see my limo
28. (II/D)
It has more food, too. PENNY Come on. AS PENNY TAKES KOOTHRAPPALI DOWN THE STAIRS: KOOTHRAPPALI (SINGING) I'M COMING UP SO YOU BETTER
GET THIS PARTY STARTED... LEONARD WATCHES THEM, THEN CROSSES INTO THE APARTMENT. CUT TO:
29. (II/E)
SCENE E INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS (NIGHT 3) (Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz) LEONARD ENTERS WITH TAKEOUT FOOD. DESKTOP COMPUTER. LEONARD Hey. WOLOWITZ Hey, good news. You don't have to (RE: * * * WOLOWITZ IS AT LEONARD'S
sulk about Penny anymore. COMPUTER SCREEN)
Look, there are
hundreds of Croatian women just waiting for you to contact them. LEONARD (RE: SCREEN) "Anything for a green
card dot com." WOLOWITZ I'll lend you my username. "Wealthy Big Penis." LEONARD You're joking. * * It's
30. (II/E) * *
Hey, you gotta make it easy for 'em. They're just learning English. LEONARD Pass. WOLOWITZ So you're just going to sit around here and mope while Penny is out with Apu from the Kwik-E-Mart. LEONARD It's not a date. And that's racist.
WOLOWITZ It can't be racist. He's a beloved
character on "The Simpsons." LEONARD Let's just eat. I want to go to sleep
soon so I can get an early start on being miserable tomorrow. SHELDON ENTERS FROM HIS BEDROOM. SHELDON Did you remember to ask for the chicken with broccoli to be diced not shredded? LEONARD Yes.
31. (II/E)
Even though the menu description specifies shredded? LEONARD Yes. SHELDON Brown rice, not white? LEONARD Yes. SHELDON Did you stop at the Korean grocery and get the good hot mustard? LEONARD Yes. SHELDON Did you pick up the low-sodium soy sauce from the market? LEONARD Yes. SHELDON Good. (THEN) What took you so long?
LEONARD Just sit down and eat. SHELDON Fine. SHELDON OPENS HIS CONTAINER AND LOOKS INSIDE, THEN PUTS IT IN FRONT OF LEONARD.
32. (II/E)
All right, it's shredded. want me to do? SHELDON
What do you
* * *
I want you to check before you accept the order. LEONARD I'm sorry. SHELDON Were you distracted by the possibility that Koothrappali might have intercourse with Penny tonight? LEONARD He's not going to have intercourse with Penny. SHELDON Then there's no excuse for this chicken. THEY LOOK AT HIM, CONTINUE TO EAT, THEN: SHELDON (CONT'D) You know, the situation with Koothrappali brings to mind a story from my childhood. WOLOWITZ Oh goody, tales from the panhandle.
* * * *
* *
33. (II/E)
That's northwest Texas. Texas, the Gulf region. Vietnamese shrimpers. LEONARD
I'm from east Home to many
Do they feature in your story? SHELDON No. Anyway, when I was eight, a
Montgomery Ward delivery van ran over our family cat, Lucky. WOLOWITZ Lucky? SHELDON Yes, Lucky. WOLOWITZ LOOKS AT LEONARD. LEONARD He's irony impaired. WOLOWITZ Okay, dead cat named Lucky. SHELDON While others mourned Lucky, I realized his untimely demise provided me with the opportunity to replace him with something more suited to my pet needs. A faithful companion I could snuggle with at night and yet would be capable of killing upon telepathic command. * Continue. * Move on.
34. (II/E)
So, not a puppy. SHELDON Please. Nothing so pedestrian. I
wanted a griffin. LEONARD A griffin? SHELDON Yes, half eagle, half lion. LEONARD And mythological. SHELDON Irrelevant. I was studying
recombinant DNA technology and I was confident I could create one, but my parents were unwilling to secure the necessary eagle eggs and lion semen. Of course, my sister got swimming lessons when she wanted them. WOLOWITZ Sheldon, not that we don't all enjoy a good lion semen story, but what's your point?
35. (II/E)
My point is if Koothrappali is moving on to a new life of shallow, undeserved fame, perhaps this is an opportunity to create a better cohort. LEONARD You want to breed a new friend? SHELDON That's one option. But consider this:
The Japanese are doing some wonderful work with artificial intelligence. combine that with some animatronics from the Imagineers over at Disney and next thing you know, we're playing Halo with a multilingual Abraham Lincoln. WOLOWITZ Sheldon, don't take this the wrong way, but... you're insane. LEONARD That may well be, but the fact is it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people. SHELDON For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be You
murderers or the carriers of unusual pathogens. insane. (TO WOLOWITZ) And I'm not
My mother had me tested.
36. (II/E)
If we do get a new friend, he should be a guy you can trust, a guy who has your back. WOLOWITZ And he should have a lot of money and live in a cool place down at the beach where we could throw parties. SHELDON And he should share our love of technology. WOLOWITZ And he should know a lot of women. LEONARD Let's see, money, women, technology. Okay, we're agreed: Our new friend is going to be Iron Man. THEY NOD, CONTINUE EATING FOR A BEAT. WOLOWITZ Don't you think he'd be all over Penny? LEONARD You're right. AND WE: CUT TO: Iron Man's out.
37. (II/H)
SCENE H INT. KOOTHRAPPALI'S CONDO - LATER (NIGHT 3) (Penny, Koothrappali, Dr. Koothrappali, Mrs. Koothrappali) PENNY IS HELPING A DRUNK KOOTHRAPPALI INTO HIS APARTMENT. KOOTHRAPPALI (SINGING ANOTHER PART OF THE PINK SONG) ...I CAN GO ALL NIGHT IF YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN. KOOTHRAPPALI TURNS THE LIGHTS ON. LIGHT CUE: LIGHTS ON KOOTHRAPPALI (CONT'D) (GESTURING) Welcome to the Raj Mahal. PENNY It's very nice. SHE STARTS TO GO. KOOTHRAPPALI No, no wait. The evening is not over. * * * * * Good night, Raj. * * * * *
It's time to put on a slow jams mix and suck face. PENNY Oh, wow, is the evening over. THE LAPTOP RINGS.
The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008 SFX: COMPUTER RINGS
38. (II/H) *
KOOTHRAPPALI (CHECKS HIS WATCH DURING) on. Ooh, hang
* * * * * * * *
That's Mummy and Daddy calling I want you to meet them.
from India.
KOOTHRAPPALI MAKES HIS WAY OVER TO HIS LAPTOP AND BRINGS IT OVER TO PENNY. PENNY Meet them? KOOTHRAPPALI Mummy and Daddy, can you hear me? ON KOOTHRAPPALI'S LAPTOP: HIS PARENTS, DR. AND MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI APPEAR. MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI Yes, darling, we hear you. KOOTHRAPPALI Can you see me? DR. KOOTHRAPPALI Yes, Raj, we see you. KOOTHRAPPALI Oh good. I want you to meet my new
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
squeeze, Penny. PENNY Whoa, whoa, no squeezing. DR. KOOTHRAPPALI I can't see her. frame. KOOTHRAPPALI PUSHES PENNY OVER. Center her in the
39. (II/H)
Here you go.
Cute, huh? MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI
She's not Indian. DR. KOOTHRAPPALI So she's not Indian. The boy is just
sowing some wild oats. PENNY No, no one's sowing anything. squeezing, no sowing. MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI What if he gets her pregnant? Is this No * *
little hotsy-totsy who you want as the mother of your grandchildren? KOOTHRAPPALI What right do you have to pick with whom I can have children with? DR. KOOTHRAPPALI Look, Rajesh, I understand you're in America, you want to try the local cuisine, but trust me, you don't want it for a steady diet. PENNY What the hell is that supposed to mean?
"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI
40. (II/H)
It's nothing personal, dear. talking about all Americans. KOOTHRAPPALI Now you listen to me.
We're
I am no longer
* * *
a child and I will not be spoken to as a child. Now if you'll excuse me, I
have to go throw up. KOOTHRAPPALI CROSSES OUT. AN AWKWARD MOMENT WITH PENNY STARING AT DR. AND MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI ON THE ICHAT, THEN: PENNY Okay, well... Nice to meet you. Um, * * *
I'm just gonna put you down here, and uh, go. Namaste.
PENNY STARTS OUT THEN CROSSES BACK AND LOOKS INTO THE ICHAT CAMERA. PENNY (CONT'D) And FYI, you'd be lucky to have me as a daughter-in-law! PENNY EXITS. DR. KOOTHRAPPALI She's feisty, I like that. MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI NODS, AND WE: FADE OUT. END OF ACT TWO
41. (TAG)
TAG FADE IN: INT. PENNY'S APARTMENT/INT. 4TH FLOOR HALLWAY - THE NEXT MORNING (DAY 4) (Leonard, Penny, Koothrappali) PENNY CROSSES IN FROM HER BEDROOM WEARING HER BATHROBE AND DRINKING COFFEE. SFX: PAPER RUSTLING PENNY LOOKS OVER AT HER DOOR AND SEES AN ENVELOPE BEING SLIPPED INTO THE ROOM. SHE CROSSES OVER AND OPENS THE DOOR REVEALING KOOTHRAPPALI KNEELING AND SLIPPING THE PAPER. PENNY Raj, what are you doing? KOOTHRAPPALI STANDS UP AND SHEEPISHLY OFFERS HER THE NOTE. PENNY (CONT'D) No. No notes. If you have something *
* *
to say to me, say it. SHE STARES AT HIM. KOOTHRAPPALI FIGHTS AN INTERNAL STRUGGLE, AND USING ALL HIS WILLPOWER, MANAGES TO SQUEAK OUT: KOOTHRAPPALI (STRAINED) Sorry.
PENNY'S STERN EXPRESSION MELTS INTO A SMILE. PENNY It's okay, sweetie. PENNY GIVES HIM A HUG.
42. (TAG)
ANGLE ON: LEONARD AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT AS LEONARD ENTERS THE HALLWAY. LEONARD'S P.O.V.: PENNY AND KOOTHRAPPALI HUGGING. PENNY SMILES, CROSSES BACK INTO HER APARTMENT AND SHUTS THE DOOR. KOOTHRAPPALI TURNS, GIVES LEONARD A BIG COCKY SMILE AND TWO THUMBS UP. ON LEONARD'S REACTION, WE: FADE OUT. END OF SHOW

The Big Bang Theory 2x04 - The Griffin Equivalency

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The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT WOLOWITZ (CONT'D)

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT SHELDON

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

What is wrong with you, dude?

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT SHELDON

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT LEONARD

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT LEONARD

call condescension. CUT TO:

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT WOLOWITZ

SHELDON FLASHES A BIZARRE SMILE.

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

GABLEHAUSER Less than mine, more than theirs.

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

SHELDON SMILES BIZARRELY AT KOOTHRAPPALI.

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT GABLEHAUSER

Let me explain something to you, gentlemen. What do you think the

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

See you tonight, guys.

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT

LEONARD NUDGES SHELDON.

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

my assistant, Trevor. Go for Koothrappali... huh... WOLOWITZ (SOTTO TO LEONARD) assistant?

(INTO PHONE) Uh-huh... Uh-

They gave him an

If I want a new pen, I

have to go to the bank with wire cutters.

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI

(HANGS UP, THEN) I don't know what

God bless that boy. I'd do without him. LEONARD

In India, we call them

untouchables, I've got good news for you guys. (MORE)

The Big Bang Theory #204 September 15, 2008

"The Griffin Equivalency" FINAL DRAFT KOOTHRAPPALI (CONT'D)

drink this one slowly.