Relationship
Values
Worksheet
JOANNE BAGSHAW, PHD, LCPC
psychotherapy for love, sex + life
Relationship Values Worksheet
1. Invite your partner to set aside time with you to talk about your relationship, with the intention
of creating a vision of your relationship for now and for your future. Then, start by looking at the
list of values below and identify your top three - five values that represent the beliefs and
principles that are important to you in your relationship. Have your partner do the same. Of
course, the list below is not exhaustive, so if you would like to add additional values
that are not on the list, please do so.
Privacy Loyalty Acceptance Risk Taking
Kindness Tradition Fairness Well-being
Flexibility Commitment Experiment Balance
Spirituality Joy Fun Peace
Equality Accomplishment Cooperation Co-Creation
Freedom Helpfulness Compassion Challenge
Achievement Authenticity Determination Alignment
Collaboration Leadership Happiness Nurturance
Celebration Awareness Calm Warmth
Honesty Wisdom Encouragement Humility
Directness Open-Minded Assertiveness Intimacy
Purpose Personal Growth Altruism Simplicity
Health Persistence Inspiration Connection
Spontaneity Economic Security Decisiveness Sexual Expression
Integrity Family Ease Success
Diversity Respect Trust Stability
Participation Wealth Affection Adventure
Dependability Responsibility Appreciation Expressiveness
Sensitivity Safety Community Motivation
Rest Presence Harmony Contribution
Laughter Love Consideration Friendship
2. Share your list with your partner and notice where your values might overlap. If you don’t
have overlapping values, that's ok too! This is a good opportunity for you to discuss and
create shared values from your individual values. There are examples below.
3. Create a shared values list below that is relevant to your deepest desires and goals for
your relationship, and then rank them in order.
Shared Values List
or Individual values that you will use to create shared
values
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
4. Write down your top three to five values in the left-hand column of the table below. In the
right- hand column, write out each value as an action (follow my examples). If you find that
you don’t have shared values- then work together to create from each of your individual
values, shared values.
5. Note that it's entirely up to you how many values you want to identify and work with.
Top Five Values Write your value as an action in your relationship
Ex. Harmony "We stay on good terms no matter what"
Ex.Participation “We each participate fully in this relationship, bringing everything
we can to make it work.”
1. 1.
2. 2.
3. 3.
4. 4.
5. 5.
Here’s an example of creating shared values from your
individual values.
If you value safety expressiveness, an example of a co-created shared value is:
“We create a safe space for each other to express ourselves in the following ways: ……”
Congratulations! You have worked together to co-create your relationship rules based on
your shared values.
Use your relationship values as a guide to help you make decisions that support prioritizing
and centering your relationship in your life.
Keep in mind that your relationship values will grow and change with your relationship, and
life events such as re-location, empty nest, retirement, etc., are opportunities for you to
revisit your values and update them accordingly.
