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 AN INTRODUCTION TO
PROGRAMMING AND COMPUTER SCIENCE
WITH PYTHON

CLAYTON CAFIERO
 An Introduction to
Programming and Computer Science
with Python

Clayton Cafiero
The University of Vermont
This book is for free use under either the GNU Free Documentation License or
the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 United States License. Take
your pick.
• http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html
• http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/us/

Book style has been adapted from the Memoir class for TEX, copyright © 2001–
2011 Peter R. Wilson, 2011–2022 Lars Madsen, and is thus excluded from the
above licence.
Images from Matplotlib.org in Chapter 15 are excluded from the license for
this material. They are subject to Matplotlib’s license at https://matplotlib.o
rg/stable/users/project/license.html. Photo of Edsger Dijkstra by Hamilton
Richards, University Texas at Austin, available under a Creative Commons CC
BY-SA 3.0 license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/.
No generative AI was used in writing this book.
Manuscript prepared by the author with Quarto, Pandoc, and XƎLATEX.
Illustrations, diagrams, and cover artwork by the author, except for the graph
in Chapter 17, Exercise 2, which is by Harry Sharman.
Version: 0.1.8b (beta)
ISBN: 979-8-9887092-0-6
Library of Congress Control Number: 2023912320
First edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
Printed in the United States of America
For the Bug and the Bull
Table of contents

Table of contents i

Preface v

To the student vii

Acknowledgements ix

1 Introduction 1

2 Programming and the Python Shell 11

2.1 Why learn a programming language? . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
2.2 Compilation and interpretation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
2.3 The Python shell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
2.4 Hello, Python! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
2.5 Syntax and semantics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
2.6 Introduction to binary numbers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
2.7 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

3 Types and literals 27

3.1 What are types? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
3.2 Dynamic typing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
3.3 Types and memory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
3.4 More on string literals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
3.5 Representation error of numeric types . . . . . . . . . . . 37
3.6 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

4 Variables, statements, and expressions 43

4.1 Variables and assignment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44
4.2 Expressions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
4.3 Augmented assignment operators . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
4.4 Euclidean or “floor” division . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
4.5 Modular arithmetic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
4.6 Exponentiation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
4.7 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68
4.8 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71

5 Functions 75
5.1 Introduction to functions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76

i
ii Table of contents

5.2 A deeper dive into functions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81

5.3 Passing arguments to a function . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87
5.4 Scope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88
5.5 Pure and impure functions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90
5.6 The math module . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91
5.7 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
5.8 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95

6 Style 97
6.1 The importance of style . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97
6.2 PEP 8 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98
6.3 Whitespace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98
6.4 Names (identifiers) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100
6.5 Line length . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
6.6 Constants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
6.7 Comments in code . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102
6.8 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105

7 Console I/O 107

7.1 Motivation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
7.2 Command line interface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
7.3 The input() function . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
7.4 Converting strings to numeric types . . . . . . . . . . . . 110
7.5 Some ways to format output . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115
7.6 Python f-strings and string interpolation . . . . . . . . . 116
7.7 Format specifiers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117
7.8 Scientific notation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118
7.9 Formatting tables . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 118
7.10 Example: currency converter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121
7.11 Format specifiers: a quick reference . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124
7.12 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125
7.13 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127

8 Branching and Boolean expressions 129

8.1 Boolean logic and Boolean expressions . . . . . . . . . . . 130
8.2 Comparison operators . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133
8.3 Branching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135
8.4 if, elif, and else . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136
8.5 Truthy and falsey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138
8.6 Input validation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139
8.7 Some string methods . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141
8.8 Flow charts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 144
8.9 Decision trees . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 149
8.10 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151

9 Structure, development, and testing 155

9.1 main the Python way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 156
9.2 Program structure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161
9.3 Iterative and incremental development . . . . . . . . . . . 161
9.4 Testing your code . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167
9.5 The origin of the term “bug” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 174
9.6 Using assertions to test your code . . . . . . . . . . . . . 176
Table of contents iii

9.7 Rubberducking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 178

9.8 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179
9.9 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179

10 Sequences 183
10.1 Lists . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 184
10.2 Tuples . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 191
10.3 Mutability and immutability . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 194
10.4 Subscripts are indices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 198
10.5 Concatenating lists and tuples . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199
10.6 Copying lists . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 200
10.7 Finding an element within a sequence . . . . . . . . . . . 201
10.8 Sequence unpacking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 203
10.9 Strings are sequences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 205
10.10 Sequences: a quick reference guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . 206
10.11 Slicing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 207
10.12 Passing mutables to functions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 210
10.13 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 212
10.14 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 213

11 Loops and iteration 217

11.1 Loops: an introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 218
11.2 while loops . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 219
11.3 Input validation with while loops . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 224
11.4 An ancient algorithm with a while loop . . . . . . . . . . 227
11.5 for loops . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 229
11.6 Iterables . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 234
11.7 Iterating over strings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 236
11.8 Calculating a sum in a loop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 236
11.9 Loops and summations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 237
11.10 Products . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 238
11.11 enumerate() . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 238
11.12 Tracing a loop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 241
11.13 Nested loops . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 245
11.14 Stacks and queues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 247
11.15 A deeper dive into iteration in Python . . . . . . . . . . . 250
11.16 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 252

12 Randomness, games, and simulations 257

12.1 The random module . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 258
12.2 Pseudo-randomness in more detail . . . . . . . . . . . . . 261
12.3 Using the seed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 262
12.4 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 264

13 File I/O 267

13.1 Context managers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 268
13.2 Reading from a file . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 268
13.3 Writing to a file . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 269
13.4 Keyword arguments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 271
13.5 More on printing strings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 272
13.6 The csv module . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 273
13.7 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 277
iv Table of contents

13.8 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 277

14 Data analysis and presentation 281

14.1 Some elementary statistics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 281
14.2 Python’s statistics module . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 287
14.3 A brief introduction to plotting with Matplotlib . . . . . 288
14.4 The basics of Matplotlib . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 290
14.5 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 295
14.6 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 295

15 Exception handling 299

15.1 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 300
15.2 Handling exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 306
15.3 Exceptions and flow of control . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 309
15.4 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 309

16 Dictionaries 311
16.1 Introduction to dictionaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 311
16.2 Iterating over dictionaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 316
16.3 Deleting dictionary keys . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 318
16.4 Hashables . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 319
16.5 Counting letters in a string . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 321
16.6 Exceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 322
16.7 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 323

17 Graphs 325
17.1 Introduction to graphs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 325
17.2 Searching a graph: breadth-first search . . . . . . . . . . . 327
17.3 Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 330

Appendices 333
A Glossary 333

B Mathematical notation 363

C pip and venv 365

D File systems 369

E Code for cover artwork 373

Preface

This book has been written for use in University of Vermont’s CS1210
Introduction to Programming (formerly CS021). This is a semester long
course which covers much of the basics of programming, and an intro-
duction to some fundamental concepts in computer science. Not being
happy with any of the available textbooks, I endeavored to write my own.
Drafting began in August 2022, essentially writing a chapter a week over
the course of the semester, delivered to students via UVM’s learning
management system. The text was revised, edited, and expanded in the
following semester.
UVM’s CS1210 carries “QR” (quantitative reasoning) and “QD”
(quantitative and data literacy) designations. Accordingly, there’s some
mathematics included:

• writing functions to perform calculations,

• writing programs to generate interesting integer sequences,
• demonstrating the connection between pure functions and mathe-
matical functions,
• demonstrating the connection between list indices and subscript
notation,
• demonstrating that summations are loops,

and so on, to address the QR requirement. To address the QD require-

ment, we include some simple plotting with Matplotlib. Other aspects
of these requirements are addressed in programming assignments, lab
exercises, and lecture.
Nevertheless, despite this book’s primary objective as instructional
material for a specific course at UVM, others may find this material
useful.

–CC, July 2023

v
vi Preface

Errata and suggestions

I’m fully aware that this text isn’t quite “ready for prime time,” but, as
it’s been said “time and tide wait for no one,” and a new semester ap-
proaches. So we push this unfinished work out of the nest, and hope for
the best. If you have errata (which I’m certain are abundant) or sugges-
tions, I’m all ears and I welcome your feedback—bouquets or brickbats
or anything in between.

Contact
Clayton Cafiero
The University of Vermont
College of Engineering and Mathematical Sciences
Department of Computer Science
Innovation E309
82 University Place
Burlington, VT 05405-0125 (USA)

[email protected]
https://www.uvm.edu/~cbcafier
To the student

Learning how to program is fun and rewarding, but it demands a rather

different, structured approach to problem solving. This comes with time
and practice. While I hope this book will help you learn how to solve
problems with code, the only way to learn programming is by doing it.
There’s more than a little trial and error involved. If you find yourself
struggling, don’t despair—it just takes time and practice.
You will make mistakes—that’s part of the process. As John Dewey
once said “Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns
quite as much from their failures as from their successes.”
You’ll notice in this book that there are abundant examples given
using the Python shell. The Python shell is a great way to experiment
and deepen your understanding. I encourage you to follow along with
the examples in the book, and enter them into the shell yourself. Unlike
writing programs and then running them, interacting with the Python
shell gives you immediate feedback. If you don’t understand something
as well as you’d like, turn to the shell. Experiment there, and then go
back to writing your program.
If you take away only one thing from a first course in programming, it
should not be the details of the syntax of the language. Rather, it should
be an ability to decompose a problem into smaller units, to solve the
smaller problems in code, and then to build up a complete solution from
smaller subproblems. The primary vehicle for this approach is functions.
So make sure you gain a firm grasp of functions (see in particular Chapter
5).
Good luck and happy coding!

vii
Acknowledgements

Thanks to my colleagues, students, and teaching assistants in the Depart-

ment of Computer Science at the University of Vermont for motivation,
encouragement, suggestions, feedback, and corrections. Without you, this
book would not exist. Thanks to Chris Skalka for support and encour-
agement, for the opportunity to teach, and for luring me back to UVM.
Thanks to Isaac Levy for stimulating conversations on Python, and for
feedback on early drafts that he used in his own teaching. Thanks to
Jackie Horton, particularly for helpful comments on Chapter 3. Thanks
to Jim Eddy for helping me through my first semester of teaching CS1210
(back when it was CS021). Thanks to Sami Connolly for using a prelim-
inary draft in her own teaching and providing feedback. Thanks to Lisa
Dion for morning check-ins and Joan “Rosi” Rosebush for regular choco-
late deliveries. Thanks to Harry Sharman for helping with much of the
painstaking work of turning words into a book, and for contributing a
few of the exercises and Appendix D. Thanks to Deborah Cafiero for
proofreading and patience. Thanks to Jim Hefferon who has served as a
role model without knowing it.
Since the release of the first print edition, the following people have re-
ported defects and provided corrections: Murat Güngör, Daniel Triplett,
AG, Nina Holm, Colin Menuchi, Shiloh Chiu, Ted Pittman, Milan Chirag
Shah, Andrew Slowman, JD. Thank you all.

ix
Another Random Scribd Document
with Unrelated Content
 often heard of their (the gypsies) abode here, and with them Mr. James Bosville, their
king, under whose authority they conducted themselves with great propriety and
decorum, never committing the least theft or offence. They generally slept in their
farmers' barns, who, at those periods, considered their property to be more safely
protected than in their absence. Mr. Charles Bosville (but how related to the king does
not appear,) was much beloved in this neighbourhood, having a knowledge of
medicine, was very attentive to the sick, well bred in manners, and comely in person.
After his death, the gypsies, for many years, came to visit his tomb, and poured upon
it hot ale; but by degrees they deserted the place,—(These circumstances must yet
hang on their remembrance; as, only a year ago, 1821, an ill drest set of them
encamped in our lanes, calling themselves Boswell's.)—These words in the
parentheses came within my own knowledge.”

It is added in a note—“Boswell's Gang, is an appellation, very generally applied to a

collection of beggars, or other idle itinerants, which we often see encamped in groups
in the lanes and ditches of this part of England.”

In quoting this, I by no means assent to the statement that Gypsies are Egyptians.—
They are of Hindostanee origin.

The Grammar school was next door to Peter Hopkins's, being kept in
one of the lower apartments of the Town Hall. It was a free school
for the sons of freemen, the Corporation allowing a salary of £50.
per annum to the schoolmaster, who according to the endowment
must be a clergyman. That office was held by Mr. Crochley, who had
been bred at Westminster, and was elected from thence to Christ
Church, Oxford in 1742. He came to Doncaster with a promise from
the Corporation that the living of Rossington, which is in their gift
and is a valuable benefice, should be given him provided he had fifty
scholars when it became vacant. He never could raise their numbers
higher than forty-five; the Corporation adhered to the letter of their
agreement; the disappointment preyed on him, and he died a
distressed and broken-hearted man.

Yet it was not Crochley's fault that the school had not been more
flourishing. He was as competent to the office as a man of good
natural parts could be rendered by the most compleat course of
classical education. But in those days few tradesmen ever thought of
bestowing upon their sons any further education than was sufficient
to qualify them for trade; and the boys who were desirous to be
placed there, must have been endued with no ordinary love of
learning, for a grammar school is still any thing rather than a Ludus
Literarius.

Two or three years before the Doctor's marriage a widow lady came
to settle at Doncaster, chiefly for the sake of placing her sons at the
Grammar School there, which though not in high repute was at least
respectably conducted. It was within five minutes walk of her own
door, and thus the boys had the greatest advantage that school-boys
can possibly enjoy, that of living at home, whereby they were saved
from all the misery and from most of the evil with which boarding-
schools, almost without an exception, abounded in those days, and
from which it may be doubted whether there are any yet that are
altogether free. Her name was Horseman, she was left with six
children, and just with such means as enabled her by excellent
management to make what is called a respectable appearance, the
boys being well educated at the cheapest rate, and she herself
educating two daughters who were fortunately the eldest children.
Happy girls! they were taught what no Governess could teach them,
to be useful as soon as they were capable of being so; to make their
brother's shirts and mend their stockings; to make and mend for
themselves, to cipher so as to keep accounts; to assist in household
occupations, to pickle and preserve, to make pastry, to work chair-
bottoms, to write a fair hand, and to read Italian. This may seem
incongruous with so practical a system of domestic education. But
Mrs. Horseman was born in Italy, and had passed great part of her
youth there.
The father, Mr. Duckinton, was a man of some fortune, whose
delight was in travelling, and who preferred Italy to all other
countries. Being a whimsical person he had a fancy for naming each
of his children, after the place where it happened to be born. One
daughter therefore was baptized by the fair name of Florence, Mrs.
Horseman, was christened Venetia, like the wife of Sir Kenelm Digby,
whose husband was more careful of her complexion than of her
character. Fortunate it was that he had no daughter born at Genoa
or at Nantes, for if he had, the one must have concealed her true
baptismal name under the alias of Jenny; and the other have
subscribed herself Nancy, that she might not be reproached with the
brandy cask. The youngest of his children was a son, and if he had
been born in the French capital would hardly have escaped the
ignominious name of Paris, but as Mr. Duckinton had long wished for
a son, and the mother knowing her husband's wishes had prayed for
one, the boy escaped with no worse name than Deodatus.

FRAGMENT OF INTERCHAPTER.

Kissing has proverbially been said to go by favour. So it is but too

certain, that Preferment does in Army and Navy, Church and State;
and so does Criticism.

That Kissing should do so is but fair and just; and it is moreover in

the nature of things.

That Promotion should do so is also in the nature of things—as they

are. And this also is fair where no injustice is committed. When other
pretensions are equal, favour is the feather which ought to be put
into the scale. In cases of equal fitness, no wrong is done to the one
party, if the other is preferred for considerations of personal
friendship, old obligations, or family connection; the injustice and
the wrong would be if these were overlooked.

To what extent may favour be reasonably allowed in criticism?

If it were extended no farther than can be really useful to the person

whom there is an intention of serving, its limits would be short
indeed. For in that case it would never proceed farther than truth
and discretion went with it. Far more injury is done to a book and to
an author by injudicious or extravagant praise, than by intemperate
or malevolent censure.

Some persons have merrily surmised that Job was a reviewer

because he exclaimed “Oh that mine enemy had written a book!”
Others on the contrary have inferred that reviewing was not known
in his days, because he wished that his own words had been printed
and published.

[The timbers were laid for a Chapter on wigs, and many notes
and references were collected.—This Fragment is all that
remains.]

Bernardin St. Pierre, who with all his fancies and oddities, has been
not undeservedly a popular writer in other countries as well as in his
own, advances in the most extravagant of his books, (the Harmonies
de la Nature,) the magnificent hypothesis that men invented great
wigs because great wigs are semblables aux criniers des lions, like
lion's manes. But as wigs are rather designed to make men look
grave than terrible, he might with more probability have surmised
that they were intended to imitate the appearance of the Bird of
Wisdom.

The Doctor wore a wig: and looked neither like a Lion, nor like an
Owl in it. Yet when he first put it on, and went to the looking-glass,
he could not help thinking that he did not look like a Dove.

But then he looked like a Doctor, which was as it became him to

look. He wore it professionally.

It was not such a wig as Dr. Parr's, which was of all contemporary
wigs facile princeps. Nor was it after the fashion of that which may
be seen in “immortal buckle,” upon Sir Cloudesley Shovel's
monument in Westminster Abbey——&c.

MEMOIRS OF CAT'S EDEN.

[The following Fragments were intended to be worked up into

an Interchapter on the History of Cats. The first fairly written
out was to have been, it would appear, the commencement. The
next is an Extract from Eulia Effendi. “That anecdote about the
King of the Cats, Caroline, you must write out for me, as it must
be inserted,” said the lamented Author of the Doctor, &c. to Mrs.
Southey. The writer of the lines is not known, they were
forwarded to the Author when at Killerton. The “Memoirs of Cats
of Greta Hall” was to have furnished the particulars, which the
first fragment states had got abroad.
 What was to have been the form of the Interchapter the Editor
does not know, neither does Mrs. Southey. The playful letter is
given exactly as it was written. A beautiful instance, as will be
acknowledged by all, of that confidence which should exist
between a loving father and a dutiful daughter. Sir Walter Scott
wrote feelingly when he said,

Some feelings are to mortals given

With less of earth in them than heaven:
And if there be a human tear
From passion's dross refined and clear,
A tear so limpid and so meek,
It would not stain an angel's cheek,
'Tis that which pious fathers shed
Upon a duteous daughter's head!]

FRAGMENT OF INTERCHAPTER.

More than prince of cats, I can tell you.

ROMEO AND JULIET.

An extract from the Register of Cat's Eden has got abroad, whereby
it appears that the Laureate, Dr. Southey, who is known to be a
philofelist, and confers honours upon his Cats according to their
services, has raised one to the highest rank in peerage, promoting
him through all its degrees by the following titles, His Serene
Highness the Arch-Duke Rumpelstilzchen, Marquis Macbum, Earl
Tomlemagne, Baron Raticide, Waowlher and Skaratchi.
The first of these names is taken from the German Collection of
Kinder und Haus-Märchen. A Dwarf or Imp so called was to carry off
the infant child of the Queen as the price of a great service which he
had rendered her, but he had consented to forego his right if in the
course of three days she could find out what was his name. This she
never could have done, if the King had not on the first day gone
hunting, and got into the thickest part of the wood, where he saw a
ridiculous Dwarf hopping about before a house which seemed by its
dimensions to be his home, and singing for joy; these were the
words of his song,

Heute back ich, morgen brau ich,

Ubermorgen hohl ich der Frau Konigin ihr kind,
Ach wie gut ist, das niemand weiss
Dass ich Rumpelstilzchen heiss.

I bake to-day, and I brew to-morrow,

Mrs. Queen will see me the next day to her sorrow,
When according to promise her child I shall claim,
For none can disclose, because nobody knows
That Rumpelstilzchen is my name.

Now if Rumpelstilzchen had had as many names as a Spanish

Infante, the man must have a good memory who could have carried
them away upon hearing them once.

“The Cats of Diorigi are celebrated all over Greece, for nowhere are
to be found cats so pretty, so vigilant, so caressing and well-bred as
at Diorigi. The Cats of the Oasis in Egypt, and of Sinope are justly
renowned for their good qualities, but those of Diorigi are
particularly fat, brilliant, and playing different colours. They are
carried from here to Persia, to Ardebeil where they are shut up in
cages, proclaimed by the public criers and sold for one or two
tomans. The Georgians also buy them at a great price, to save their
whiskers which are commonly eaten up by mice. The criers of
Ardebeil, who cry these cats have a particular melody to which they
sing their cry in these words,

O you who like a Cat

That catches mouse and rat,
Well-bred, caressing, gay
Companion to sport and play,
Amusing and genteel,
Shall never scratch and steal.

Singing these words they carry the cats on their head and sell them
for great prices, because the inhabitants of Ardebeil are scarce able
to save their woollen cloth from the destruction of mice and rats.
Cats are called Hurre, Katta, Senorre, Merabe, Matshi, Weistaun,
Wemistaun, but those of Diorigi are particularly highly esteemed.
Notwithstanding that high reputation and price of the Cats of Diorigi,
they meet with dangerous enemies in their native place, where
sometimes forty or fifty of them are killed secretly, tanned, and
converted into fur for the winter time. It is a fur scarce to be
distinguished from Russian ermelin, and that of the red cats is not to
be distinguished from the fox that comes from Ozalov.”1
1 EVLIA EFFENDI.

A labouring man returning to his cottage after night-fall, passed by a

lone house in ruins, long uninhabited. Surprized at the appearance
of light within, and strange sounds issuing from the desolate interior,
he stopt and looked in through one of the broken windows, and
there in a large old gloomy room, quite bare of furniture except that
the cobwebs hung about its walls like tapestry, he beheld a
marvellous spectacle. A small coffin covered with a pall stood in the
midst of the floor, and round and round and round about it with
dismal lamentations in the feline tongue, marched a circle of Cats,
one of them, being covered from head to foot with a black veil, and
walking as chief mourner. The man was so frightened with what he
saw that he waited to see no more, but went straight home, and at
supper told his wife what had befallen him.

Their own old Cat, who had been sitting, as was her wont, on the
elbow of her Master's chair, kept her station very quietly, till he came
to the description of the chief Mourner, when, to the great surprize
and consternation of the old couple, she bounced up, and flew up
the chimney exclaiming—“Then I am King of the Cats.”

Keswick, January 9th.

DEAR MASTER,
 Let our boldness not offend,
If a few lines of duteous love we send;
Nor wonder that we deal in rhyme, for long
We've been familiar with the founts of song;
Nine thorougher tabbies you would rarely find,
Than those who laurels round your temples bind:
For how, with less than nine lives to their share,
Could they have lived so long on poet's fare?
Athens surnamed them from their mousing powers,
And Rome from that harmonious MU of ours,
In which the letter U, (as we will trouble you
To say to TODD) should supersede ew—
This by the way—we now proceed to tell,
That all within the bounds of home are well;
All but your faithful cats, who inly pine;
The cause your Conscience may too well divine.
Ah! little do you know how swiftly fly
The venomed darts of feline jealousy;
How delicate a task to deal it is
With a Grimalkin's sensibilities,
When Titten's tortoise fur you smoothed with bland
And coaxing courtesies of lip and hand,
We felt as if, (poor Puss's constant dread)
Some school-boy stroked us both from tail to head;
Nor less we suffer'd while with sportive touch
And purring voice, you played with grey-backed Gutch;
And when with eager step, you left your seat,
To get a peep at Richard's snow-white feet,
Himself all black; we long'd to stop his breath
With something like his royal namesake's death;
If more such scenes our frenzied fancies see,
Resolved we hang from yonder apple tree—
And were not that a sad catastrophe!
O! then return to your deserted lake,
Dry eyes that weep, and comfort hearts that ache;
Our mutual jealousies we both disown,
 (Scratch'd) Content to share, rather than lose a throne.
The Parlour, Rumples undisputed reign,
Hurley's the rest of all your wide domain. RUMPLESTITCHKIN,
Return, return, dear Bard κατ᾽ ἐξοχήν, HURLYBURLYBUS.
Restore the happy days that once have been,
Resign yourself to Home, the Muse and us.

MEMOIR OF THE CATS OF GRETA HALL.

For as much, most excellent Edith May, as you must always feel a
natural and becoming concern in whatever relates to the house
wherein you were born, and in which the first part of your life has
thus far so happily been spent, I have for your instruction and
delight composed these Memoirs of the Cats of Greta Hall: to the
end that the memory of such worthy animals may not perish, but be
held in deserved honour by my children, and those who shall come
after them. And let me not be supposed unmindful of Beelzebub of
Bath, and Senhor Thomaz de Lisboa, that I have not gone back to
an earlier period, and included them in my design. Far be it from me
to intend any injury or disrespect to their shades! Opportunity of
doing justice to their virtues will not be wanting at some future time,
but for the present I must confine myself within the limits of these
precincts.

In the autumn of the year 1803 when I entered upon this place of
abode, I found the hearth in possession of two cats whom my
nephew Hartley Coleridge, (then in the 7th year of his age,) had
named Lord Nelson, and Bona Marietta. The former, as the name
implies, was of the worthier gender: it is as decidedly so in Cats, as
in grammar and in law. He was an ugly specimen of the streaked-
carrotty, or Judas-coloured kind; which is one of the ugliest varieties.
But nimium ne crede colori. In spite of his complection, there was
nothing treacherous about him. He was altogether a good Cat,
affectionate, vigilant and brave; and for services performed against
the Rats was deservedly raised in succession to the rank of Baron,
Viscount and Earl. He lived to a good old age; and then being quite
helpless and miserable, was in mercy thrown into the river. I had
more than once interfered to save him from this fate; but it became
at length plainly an act of compassion to consent to it. And here let
me observe that in a world wherein death is necessary, the law of
nature by which one creature preys upon another is a law of mercy,
not only because death is thus made instrumental to life, and more
life exists in consequence, but also because it is better for the
creatures themselves to be cut off suddenly, than to perish by
disease or hunger,—for these are the only alternatives.

There are still some of Lord Nelson's descendants in the town of

Keswick. Two of the family were handsomer than I should have
supposed any Cats of this complection could have been; but their fur
was fine, the colour a rich carrot, and the striping like that of the
finest tyger or tabby kind. I named one of them William Rufus; the
other Danayn le Roux, after a personage in the Romance of Gyron le
Courtoys.

Bona Marietta was the mother of Bona Fidelia, so named by my

nephew aforesaid. Bona Fidelia was a tortoise-shell cat. She was
filiated upon Lord Nelson, others of the same litter having borne the
unequivocal stamp of his likeness. It was in her good qualities that
she resembled him, for in truth her name rightly bespoke her nature.
She approached as nearly as possible in disposition, to the ideal of a
perfect cat:—he who supposes that animals have not their difference
of disposition as well as men, knows very little of animal nature.
Having survived her daughter Madame Catalani, she died of extreme
old age, universally esteemed and regretted by all who had the
pleasure of her acquaintance.

Bona Fidelia left a daughter and a granddaughter; the former I

called Madame Bianchi—the latter Pulcheria. It was impossible ever
to familiarize Madame Bianchi, though she had been bred up in all
respects like her gentle mother, in the same place, and with the
same persons. The nonsense of that arch-philosophist Helvetius
would be sufficiently confuted by this single example, if such rank
folly contradicted as it is by the experience of every family, needed
confutation. She was a beautiful and singular creature, white, with a
fine tabby tail, and two or three spots of tabby, always delicately
clean; and her wild eyes were bright and green as the Duchess de
Cadaval's emerald necklace. Pulcheria did not correspond as she
grew up to the promise of her kittenhood and her name; but she
was as fond as her mother was shy and intractable. Their fate was
extraordinary as well as mournful. When good old Mrs. Wilson died,
who used to feed and indulge them, they immediately forsook the
house, nor could they be allured to enter it again, though they
continued to wander and moan around it, and came for food. After
some weeks Madame Bianchi disappeared, and Pulcheria soon
afterwards died of a disease endemic at that time among cats.

For a considerable time afterwards, an evil fortune attended all our

attempts at re-establishing a Cattery. Ovid disappeared and Virgil
died of some miserable distemper. You and your cousin are
answerable for these names: the reasons which I could find for them
were, in the former case the satisfactory one that the said Ovid
might be presumed to be a master in the Art of Love; and in the
latter, the probable one that something like Ma-ro—might be
detected in the said Virgil's notes of courtship. There was poor
Othello: most properly named, for black he was, and jealous
undoubtedly he would have been, but he in his kittenship followed
Miss Wilbraham into the street, and there in all likelihood came to an
untimely end. There was the Zombi—(I leave the Commentators to
explain that title, and refer them to my History of Brazil to do it)—his
marvellous story was recorded in a letter to Bedford,—and after that
adventure he vanished. There was Prester John, who turned out not
to be of John's gender, and therefore had the name altered to Pope
Joan. The Pope I am afraid came to a death of which other Popes
have died. I suspect that some poison which the rats had turned out
of their holes, proved fatal to their enemy. For some time I feared
we were at the end of our Cat-a-logue: but at last Fortune as if to
make amends for her late severity sent us two at once,—the-never-
to-be-enough-praised Rumpelstilzchen, and the equally-to-be-
admired Hurlyburlybuss.

And “first for the first of these” as my huge favourite, and almost
namesake Robert South, says in his Sermons.

When the Midgeleys went away from the next house, they left this
creature to our hospitality, cats being the least moveable of all
animals because of their strong local predilections;—they are indeed
in a domesticated state the serfs of the animal creation, and
properly attached to the soil. The change was gradually and
therefore easily brought about, for he was already acquainted with
the children and with me; and having the same precincts to prowl in
was hardly sensible of any other difference in his condition than that
of obtaining a name; for when he was consigned to us he was an
anonymous cat; and I having just related at breakfast with universal
applause the story of Rumpelstilzchen from a German tale in
Grimm's Collection, gave him that strange and magnisonant
appellation; to which upon its being ascertained that he came when
a kitten from a bailiff's house, I added the patronymic of Macbum.
Such is his history, his character may with most propriety be
introduced after the manner of Plutarch's parallels when I shall have
given some previous account of his great compeer and rival
Hurlyburlybuss,—that name also is of Germanic and Grimmish
extraction.

Whence Hurlyburlybuss came was a mystery when you departed

from the Land of Lakes, and a mystery it long remained. He
appeared here, as Mango Capac did in Peru, and Quetzalcohuatl
among the Aztecas, no one knew from whence. He made himself
acquainted with all the philofelists of the family—attaching himself
more particularly to Mrs. Lovell, but he never attempted to enter the
house, frequently disappeared for days, and once since my return
for so long a time that he was actually believed to be dead and
veritably lamented as such. The wonder was whither did he retire at
such times—and to whom did he belong; for neither I in my daily
walks, nor the children, nor any of the servants ever by any chance
saw him anywhere except in our own domain. There was something
so mysterious in this, that in old times it might have excited strong
suspicion, and he would have been in danger of passing for a Witch
in disguise, or a familiar. The mystery however was solved about
four week's ago, when as we were returning from a walk up the
Greta, Isabel saw him on his transit across the road and the wall
from Shulicrow, in a direction toward the Hill. But to this day we are
ignorant who has the honour to be his owner in the eye of the law;
and the owner is equally ignorant of the high favour in which
Hurlyburlybuss is held, of the heroic name which he has obtained,
and that his fame has extended far and wide—even unto Norwich in
the East, and Escott and Crediton and Kellerton in the West, yea—
that with Rumpelstilzchen he has been celebrated in song, by some
hitherto undiscovered poet, and that his glory will go down to future
generations.

The strong enmity which unhappily subsists between these

otherwise gentle and most amiable cats, is not unknown to you. Let
it be imputed as in justice it ought, not to their individual characters
(for Cats have characters,—and for the benefit of philosophy, as well
as felisophy, this truth ought generally to be known) but to the
constitution of Cat nature,—an original sin, or an original necessity,
which may be only another mode of expressing the same thing:

Two stars keep not their motion in one sphere,

Nor can one purlieu brook a double reign
Of Hurlyburlybuss and Rumpelstilzchen.

When you left us, the result of many a fierce conflict was that Hurly
remained master of the green and garden, and the whole of the out
of door premises. Rumpel always upon the appearance of his
victorious enemy retiring into the house as a citadel or sanctuary.
The conqueror was perhaps in part indebted for this superiority to
his hardier habits of life, living always in the open air, and providing
for himself; while Rumpel (who though born under a bum-bailiff's
roof was nevertheless kittened with a silver spoon in his mouth) past
his hours in luxurious repose beside the fire, and looked for his
meals as punctually as any two-legged member of the family. Yet I
believe that the advantage on Hurly's side is in a great degree
constitutional also, and that his superior courage arises from a
confidence in his superior strength, which as you well know is visible
in his make. What Bento and Maria Rosa used to say of my poor
Thomaz, that he was muito fidalgo is true of Rumpelstilzchen, his
countenance, deportment and behaviour being such that he is truly
a gentleman-like Tom-cat. Far be it from me to praise him beyond
his deserts,—he is not beautiful, the mixture, tabby and white, is not
good (except under very favourable combinations) and the tabby is
not good of its kind. Nevertheless he is a fine cat, handsome enough
for his sex, large, well-made, with good features, and an intelligent
countenance, and carrying a splendid tail, which in Cats and Dogs is
undoubtedly the seat of honour. His eyes which are soft and
expressive are of a hue between chrysolite and emerald.
Hurlyburlybuss's are between chrysolite and topaz. Which may be
the more esteemed shade for the olho de gato I am not lapidary
enough to decide. You should ask my Uncle. But both are of the
finest water. In all his other features Hurly must yield the palm, and
in form also; he has no pretensions to elegance, his size is ordinary
and his figure bad: but the character of his face and neck is so
masculine, that the Chinese who use the word bull as synonymous
with male, and call a boy a bull-child, might with great propriety
denominate him a bull-cat. His make evinces such decided marks of
strength and courage that if cat-fighting were as fashionable as
cock-fighting, no Cat would stand a fairer chance for winning a
Welsh main. He would become as famous as the Dog Billy himself,
whom I look upon as the most distinguished character that has
appeared since Buonaparte.
Some weeks ago Hurlyburlybuss was manifestly emaciated and
enfeebled by ill health, and Rumpelstilzchen with great magnanimity
made overtures of peace. The whole progress of the treaty was seen
from the parlour window. The caution with which Rumpel made his
advances, the sullen dignity with which they were received, their
mutual uneasiness when Rumpel after a slow and wary approach,
seated himself whisker-to-whisker with his rival, the mutual fear
which restrained not only teeth and claws, but even all tones of
defiance, the mutual agitation of their tails which, though they did
not expand with anger, could not be kept still for suspense and lastly
the manner in which Hurly retreated, like Ajax still keeping his face
toward his old antagonist were worthy to have been represented by
that painter who was called the Rafaelle of Cats. The overture I fear
was not accepted as generously as it was made; for no sooner had
Hurlyburlybuss recovered strength than hostilities were
recommenced with greater violence than ever, Rumpel who had not
abused his superiority while he possessed it, had acquired mean
time a confidence which made him keep the field. Dreadful were the
combats which ensued as their ears, faces and legs bore witness.
Rumpel had a wound which went through one of his feet. The result
has been so far in his favour that he no longer seeks to avoid his
enemy, and we are often compelled to interfere and separate them.
Oh it is aweful to hear the “dreadful note of preparation” with which
they prelude their encounters!—the long low growl slowly rises and
swells till it becomes a high sharp yowl,—and then it is snapt short
by a sound which seems as if they were spitting fire and venom at
each other. I could half persuade myself that the word felonious is
derived from the feline temper as displayed at such times. All means
of reconciling them and making them understand how goodly a thing
it is for cats to dwell together in peace, and what fools they are to
quarrel and tear each other are in vain. The proceedings of the
Society for the Abolition of War are not more utterly ineffectual and
hopeless.

All we can do is to act more impartially than the Gods did between
Achilles and Hector, and continue to treat both with equal regard.
And thus having brought down these Memoirs of the Cats of Greta
Hall to the present day, I commit the precious memorial to your
keeping, and remain

Most dissipated and light-heeled daughter,

Your most diligent and light-hearted father,
ROBERT SOUTHEY.

Keswick, 18 June, 1824.

FRAGMENT OF INTERCHAPTER.

[The following playful effusion was likewise, as the “Memoirs of

Cat's Eden,” intended for “THE DOCTOR, &C.,” but how it was to
have been moulded, so as to obscure the incognito, I do not
know. It will tend, if I mistake not, to shew the easy versatility,
—the true εὐτραπελία,—of a great and a good man's mind.
“Fortune,” says Fluellen, “is turning and inconstant, and
variations, and mutabilities,”—but one who, in the midst of
constant and laborious occupations, could revel in such a
recreation as this “Chapter on the Statues” was Fortune's
master, and above her wheel.

ARS UTINAM MORES ANIMUMQUE EFFINGERE POSSET:

PULCHRIOR IN TERRIS NULLA TABELLA FORET.1

1 MART. EPIGR.

It may be added that there was another very curious collection

of Letters intended for “THE DOCTOR, &C.,” but they have not
come to my hand. They were written in a peculiar dialect and
would have required much mother wit and many vocabularies to
 have decyphered them. She who suggested them,—a woman
“of infinite jest,—of most excellent fancy,”—a good woman, and
a kind,—is now gathered to her rest!]

ΕΙΣ ΤΟΥΣ ΑΔΡΙΑΝΤΑΣ.

Ὁ μὲν διάβολος ἐνέπνενσέ τισι παρανόμοις ἀνθρώποις, καὶ εἰς τοὺς τῶν βασιλέων
ὕβρισαν ἀνδριάντας.

CHRYSOST. HOM. AD POPUL. ANTIOCHEN.

My dear daughter,

Having lately been led to compose an inscription for one of our

Garden statues, an authentic account of two such extraordinary
works of art has appeared to me so desirable that I even wonder at
myself for having so long delayed to write one. It is the more
incumbent on me to do this, because neither of the artists have
thought proper to inscribe their names upon these master-pieces,—
either from that modesty which often accompanies the highest
genius, or from a dignified consciousness that it was unnecessary to
set any mark upon them, the works themselves sufficiently declaring
from what hands they came.

I undertake this becoming task with the more pleasure because our
friend Mrs. Keenan has kindly offered to illustrate the intended
account by drawings of both Statues,—having as you may well
suppose been struck with admiration by them. The promise of this
co-operation induces me not to confine myself to a mere description,
but to relate on what occasion they were made, and faithfully to
record the very remarkable circumstances which have occurred in
consequence; circumstances I will venture to say, as well attested
and as well worthy of preservation as any of those related in the
History of the Portuguese Images of Nossa Senhora, in ten volumes
quarto,—a book of real value, and which you know I regard as one
of the most curious in my collection. If in the progress of this design
I should sometimes appear to wander in digression, you will not
impute it to any habitual love of circumlocution; and the speculative
notions which I may have occasion to propose, you will receive as
mere speculations and judge of them accordingly.

Many many years ago I remember to have seen these popular and
rustic rhymes in print,

God made a great man to plough and to sow,

God made a little man to drive away the crow;

they were composed perhaps to make some little man contented

with that office, and certain it is that in all ages and all countries it
has been an object of as much consequence to preserve the seed
from birds when sown, as to sow it. No doubt Adam himself when
he was driven to cultivate the ground felt this, and we who are his
lineal descendants (though I am sorry to say we have not inherited a
rood of his estates) have felt it also, in our small but not
unimportant concern, the Garden. Mrs. L., the Lady of that Garden
used to complain grievously of the depredations committed there,
especially upon her pease. Fowls and Ducks were condemned either
to imprisonment for life, or to the immediate larder for their offences
of this kind; but the magpies (my protegées) and the sparrows, and
the blackbirds and the thrushes bade defiance to the coop and the
cook. She tried to fright them away by feathers fastened upon a
string, but birds were no more to be frightened by feathers than to
be caught by chaff. She drest up two mopsticks; not to be forgotten,
because when two youths sent their straw hats upon leaving
Keswick to K. and B., the girls consigned the hats to these mopsticks
and named the figures thus attired in due honour of the youths, L.
N., and C. K. These mopsticks however were well drest enough to
invite thieves from the town,—and too well to frighten the birds.
Something more effectual was wanted, and Mrs. L. bespoke a man
of Joseph Glover.

Such is the imperfection of language that write as carefully and

warily as we can it is impossible to use words which will not
frequently admit of a double construction, upon this indeed it is that
the Lawyers have founded the science of the Law, which said
science they display in extracting any meaning from any words, and
generally that meaning that shall be most opposite to the intention
for which they were used. When I say that your Aunt L. bespoke a
man of Joseph Glover, I do not mean that she commissioned him to
engage a labourer: nor that she required him actually to make a
man like Frankenstein,—though it must be admitted that such a man
as Frankenstein made, would be the best of all scarecrows, provided
he were broken in so as to be perfectly manageable. To have made
a man indeed would have been more than even Paracelsus would
have undertaken to perform; for according to the receipt which that
illustrious Bombast ab Hohenheim has delivered to posterity, an
homunculus cannot be produced in a hot-bed in less than forty
weeks and forty days; and this would not have been in time to save
the pease; not to mention that one of his homunculi had it been
ready could not have served the purpose, for by his account, when it
was produced, it was smaller even than Mark Thumb. Such an order
would have been more unreasonable than any of those which Juno
imposed upon Hercules; whereas the task imposed by Mrs. L. was
nothing more than Glover thought himself capable of executing, for
he understood the direction plainly and simply in its proper sense, as
a carpenter ought to understand it.

An ordinary Carpenter might have hesitated at undertaking it, or

bungled in the execution. But Glover is not an ordinary Carpenter. He
says of himself that he should have been a capital singer, only the
pity is, that he has no voice. Whether he had ever a similar
persuasion of his own essential but unproducible talents for
sculpture or painting I know not:—but if ever genius and originality
were triumphantly displayed in the first effort of an untaught artist,
it was on this occasion. Perhaps I am wrong in calling him untaught;
—for there is a supernatural or divine teaching;—and it will appear
presently that if there be any truth in heathen philosophy, or in that
of the Roman Catholicks (which is very much the same in many
respects) some such assistance may be suspected in this case.

With or without such assistance, but certainly con amore, and with
the aid of his own genius, if of no other, Glover went to work: ere
long shouts of admiration were heard one evening in the kitchen, so
loud and of such long continuance that enquiry was made from the
parlour into the cause, and the reply was that Mrs. L.'s man was
brought home. Out we went, father, mother and daughters, (yourself
among them,—for you cannot have forgotten that memorable hour),
My Lady and the Venerabilis,—and Mrs. L. herself, as the person
more immediately concerned. Seldom as it happens that any artist
can embody with perfect success the conceptions of another, in this
instance the difficult and delicate task had been perfectly
accomplished. But I must describe the Man,—calling him by that
name at present, the power, æon or intelligence which had
incorporated itself with that ligneous resemblance of humanity not
having at that time been suspected.

Yet methinks more properly might he have been called youth than
man, the form and stature being juvenile. The limbs and body were
slender, though not so as to convey any appearance of feebleness, it
was rather that degree of slenderness which in elegant and refined
society is deemed essential to grace. The countenance at once
denoted strength and health and hilarity, and the incomparable
carpenter had given it an expression of threatful and alert
determination, suited to the station for which he was designed and
the weapon which he bore. The shape of the face was rather round
than oval, resembling methinks the broad harvest moon; the eyes
were of the deepest black, the eyebrows black also; and there was a
blackness about the nose and lips, such as might be imagined in the
face of Hercules, while he was in the act of lifting and strangling the
yet unsubdued and struggling Antæus. On his head was a little hat,
low in the crown and narrow in the brim. His dress was a sleeved
jacket without skirts,—our ancestors would have called it a gipion,
jubon it would be rendered if ever this description were translated
into Spanish, gibão in Portuguese, jupon or gippon in old French. It
was fastened from the neck downward with eight white buttons, two
and two, and between them was a broad white stripe, the colour of
the gipion being brown: whether the strype was to represent silver
lace, or a white facing like that of the naval uniform, is doubtful and
of little consequence. The lower part of his dress represented
innominables and hose in one, of the same colour as the gipion. And
he carried a fowling-piece in his hand.

Great was the satisfaction which we all expressed at beholding so

admirable a man; great were the applauses which we bestowed
upon the workman with one consent; and great was the
complacency with which Glover himself regarded the work of his
own hands. He thought, he said, this would please us. Please us
indeed it did, and so well did it answer that after short trial Mrs. L.
thinking that a second image would render the whole garden secure,
and moreover that it was not good for her Man to be alone, directed
Glover to make a woman also. The woman accordingly was made.
Flesh of his flesh and bone of his bone, she could not be, the Man
himself not being made of such materials; but she was wood of his
wood and plank of his plank,—which was coming as nearly as
possible to it, made of the same tree and fashioned by the same
hand.

The woman was in all respects a goodly mate for the man, except
that she seemed to be a few years older; she was rather below the
mean stature, in that respect resembling the Venus de Medicis;
slender waisted yet not looking as if she were tight-laced, nor so thin
as to denote ill health. Her dress was a gown of homely brown, up
to the neck. The artist had employed his brightest colours upon her
face, even the eyes and nose partook of that brilliant tint which is
sometimes called the roseate hue of health or exercise, sometimes
the purple light of love. The whites of her eyes were large. She also
was represented in a hat, but higher in the crown and broader in the
rim than the man's, and where his brim was turned up, her's had a
downward inclination giving a feminine character to that part of her
dress.

She was placed in the garden; greatly as we admired both pieces of

workmanship, we considered them merely as what they seemed to
be; they went by the names of Mrs. L.'s Man and Woman; and even
when you departed for the south they were still known only by that
vague and most unworthy designation. Some startling circumstances
after awhile excited a more particular attention to them. Several of
the family declared they had been frightened by them; and K. one
evening, came in saying that Aunt L.'s woman had given her a jump.
Even this did not awaken any suspicion of their supernatural powers
as it ought to have done, till on a winter's night, one of the maids
hearing a knock at the back door opened it; and started back when
she saw that it was the woman with a letter in her hand! This is as
certain as that Nosso Senhor dos Passes knocked at the door of S.
Roque's convent in Lisbon and was not taken in,—to the infinite
regret of the monks when they learnt that he had gone afterwards
to the Graça Convent and been admitted there. It is as certain that I
have seen men, women and children of all ranks kissing the foot of
the said Image in the Church, and half Lisbon following his
procession in the streets. It is as certain as all the miracles in the
Fasti, the Metamorphoses, and the Acta Sanctorum.

Many remarkable things were now called to mind both of the man
and woman;—how on one occasion they had made Miss C.'s maid
miscarry of—half a message; and how at another time when Isaac
was bringing a basket from Mr. C.'s, he was frightened into his wits
by them. But on Sunday evening last the most extraordinary display
of wonderful power occurred, for in the evening the woman instead
of being in her place among the pease, appeared standing erect on
the top of Mr. Fisher's haymow in the forge field, and there on the
following morning she was seen by all Keswick, who are witnesses of
the fact.
You may well suppose that I now began to examine into the
mystery, and manifold were the mysteries which I discovered, and
many the analogies in their formation of which the maker could
never by possibility have heard; and many the points of divine
philosophy and theurgic science which they illustrated. In the first
place two Swedenborgian correspondencies flashed upon me in the
material whereof they were constructed. They were intended to
guard the Garden. There is a proverb which says, set a thief to catch
a thief, and therefore it is that they were fir statues. Take it in
English and the correspondence is equally striking; they were made
of deal, because they were to do a deal of good. The dark aspect of
the male figure also was explained; for being stationed there contra
fures, it was proper that he should have a furious countenance.
Secondly, there is something wonderful in their formation:—they are
bifronted, not merely bifaced like Janus, but bifronted from top to
toe. Let the thief be as cunning as he may he cannot get behind
them.—They have no backs, and were they disposed to be indolent
and sit at their posts it would be impossible. They can appear at the
kitchen door, or on the haymow, they can give the children and even
the grown persons of the family a jump, but to sit is beyond their
power however miraculous it may be; for impossibilities cannot be
effected even by miracle, and as it is impossible to see without eyes,
or to walk without legs,—or for a ship to float without a bottom, so
is it for a person in the same predicament as such a ship—to sit.

Yet farther mysteries; both hands of these marvellous statues are

right hands and both are left hands, they are at once ambidexter
and ambisinister. It was said by Dryden of old Jacob Tonson that he
had two left legs: but these marvellous statues have two left legs
and two right legs each, and yet but four legs between them, that is
to say but two a-piece. In the whole course of my reading I have
found no account of any statues so wonderful as these. For though
the Roman Janus was bifronted, and my old acquaintance Yamen
had in like manner a double face, and many of the Hindoo and other
Oriental Deities have their necks set round with heads, and their
elbows with arms, yet it is certain that all these Gods have backs,
and sides to them also. In this point no similitude can be found for
our Images. They may be likened to the sea as being bottomless,—
but as being without a back and in the mystery of having both hands
and legs at once right and left they are unequalled; none but
themselves can be their parallel.

Now my daughter I appeal to you and to all other reasonable

persons,—I put the question to your own plain sense,—is it anyways
likely that statues so wonderful, so inexpressibly mysterious in their
properties should be the mere work of a Keswick carpenter, though
aided as he was by Mrs. L.'s directions? Is it not certain that neither
he, nor Mrs. L., had the slightest glimpse, the remotest thought of
any such properties,—she when she designed, he when he executed
the marvellous productions? Is it possible that they should? Would it
not be preposterous to suppose it?

This supposition therefore being proved to be absurd, which in

mathematics is equal to a demonstration that the contrary must be
true, it remains to enquire into the real origin of their stupendous
qualities. Both the ancient Heathens and the Romanists teach that
certain Images of the Gods or of the Saints have been made without
the aid of human hands, and that they have appeared no one knew
whence or how. The Greeks called such images Diopeteis, as having
fallen from the sky, and I could enumerate were it needful sundry
Catholic Images which are at this day venerated as being either of
angelic workmanship or celestial origin. We cannot however have
recourse to this solution in the present case; for Glover is so
veracious a man that if he had found these figures in his workshop
without knowing how they came there,—or if he had seen them
grow into shape while he was looking on,—he would certainly not
have concealed a fact so extraordinary. All Keswick would have
known it. It must have become as notorious as Prince Hohenloe's
miracles.

There remains then another hypothesis, which is also common to

the ancient Pagans and the Romanists;—that some superior powers
finding a congruity in the Images have been pleased to
communicate to them a portion of their influence, and even of their
presence, and so if I may be allowed the word, have actually
become inligneate in them. Were my old acquaintance, Thomas
Taylor, here, who entirely believes this, he would at once determine
which of his Heathen Deities have thus manifested their existence.
Who indeed that looks at the Youth but must be reminded of Apollo?
Said I that his face resembled in its rotundity the Moon? the Sun
would have been the fitter similitude,—the sun shorn of its beams;—
Phœbus,—such as he appeared when in the service of Admetus. And
for his female companion, her beauty and the admiration which it
excites in all beholders, identify her with no less certainty for Venus.
We have named them therefore the Apollo de L., and the Venus de
Glover; in justice to both artists; and in farther honour of them and
of the Images themselves have composed the following inscription:

No works of Phidias we; but Mrs. L.

Designed, and we were made by Joseph Glover.
Apollo, I, and yonder Venus stands,
Behold her, and you cannot chuse but love her.
If antient sculptors could behold us here
How would they pine with envy and abhorrence!
For even as I surpass their Belvedere
So much doth she excel the pride of Florence.

EPILUDE OF MOTTOES.

Careless! bring your apprehension along with you.

 CONGREVE.

If I have written a sentence, or a word, that can bear a captious or

unreasonable construction, I earnestly intreat a more lenient
interpretation. When a man feels acutely, he may perhaps speak at
times more pointedly than he ought; yet, in the present instance, I
am conscious of no sentiment which I could wish to alter.

BISHOP JEBB.

νὴ τὸν Ποσειδῶ, καὶ λέγει γ᾽, ἅπερ λέγει,

δίκαια πάντα, κοὐδὲν αὐτῶν ψεύδεται.
ARISTOPHANES.

Will you be true?

TRO. Who, I? alas, it is my vice, my fault.

While others fish with craft for great opinion,
I with great truth catch mere simplicity.
Whilst some with cunning gild their copper crowns,
With truth and plainness I do wear mine bare.
Fear not my truth; the moral of my wit
Is—‘plain and true;’ there's all the reach of it.
SHAKESPEARE.

—come augel che pria s'avventa e teme

Stassi fra i rami paventoso e solo
Mirando questo ed or quell' altro colle;
Cosi mi levo e mi ritengo insieme,
L'ale aguzzando al mio dubbioso volo.
GIUSTO DE' CONTI.
Whosoever be reader hereof maie take it by reason for a riche and a
newe labour; and speciallie princes and governours of the common
wealth, and ministers of justice, with other. Also the common people
eche of theim maie fynd the labour conveniente to their estate. And
herein is conteigned certaine right highe and profounde sentences,
and holsome counsaylles, and mervaillous devyses agaynste the
encumbraunce of fortune; and ryght swete consolacions for theim
that are overthrowen by fortune. Finally it is good to them that
digeste it, and thanke God that hath given such grace to the Auctour
in gevyng us example of vertuous livyng, with hye and salutary
doctrynes, and marvailous instructions of perfectness.—A ryght
precious meale is the sentences of this boke; but fynally the sauce of
the saied swete style moveth the appetyte. Many bookes there be of
substanciall meates, but they bee so rude and so unsavery, and the
style of so small grace, that the first morcell is lothsome and noyfull;
and of suche bookes foloweth to lye hole and sounde in lybraries;
but I trust this will not. Of trouth great prayse is due to the auctour
of his travayle.

LORD BERNERS.

The current that with gentle murmur glides,

Thou know'st, being stopp'd, impatiently doth rage;
But when his fair course is not hindered,
He makes sweet music with the enamel'd stones,
Giving a gentle kiss to every sedge
He overtaketh in his pilgrimage;
And so by many winding nooks he strays,
With willing sport, to the wild ocean.
Then let me go, and hinder not my course;
I'll be as patient as a gentle stream,
And make a pastime of each weary step,
Till the last step have brought me to my rest.
SHAKESPEARE.
Sith you have long time drawn the weeds of my wit and fed
yourselves with the cockle of my conceits, I have at last made you
gleaners of my harvest, and partakers of my experience.—Here shall
you find the style varying according to the matter, suitable to the
style, and all of these aimed to profit. If the title make you suspect,
compare it with the matter, it will answer you; if the matter, apply it
with the censures of the learned, they will countenance the same; of
the handling I repent me not, for I had rather you should condemn
me for default in rhetorick, than commend my style and lament my
judgement. Thus resolved both of the matter, and satisfied in my
method, I leave the whole to your judgements; which, if they be not
depraved with envy, will be bettered in knowledge, and if not carried
away with opinion, will receive much profit.

THOMAS LODGE.

This good Wine I present, needs no Ivy-bush. They that taste

thereof shall feel the fruit to their best content, and better
understanding. The learned shall meet with matter to refresh their
memories; the younger students, a directory to fashion their
discourse; the weakest capacity, matter of wit, worth and
admiration.

T. L. D. M. P's. Epistle Prefatory

to the Learned Summarie upon
the famous Poem of William
of Salust, Lord of BARTAS.

This fellow pecks up wit, as pigeon's pease,

And utters it again when Jove doth please;
He is wit's pedlar, and retails his wares.
LOVE'S LABOUR LOST.