Building the Skills

Adults Need for Life A Guide for Practitioners

We all need a set of core life skills to manage work, family, and
relationships successfully. These include: How Can We Help?

PLANNING Being able to make plans, carry them out, and set and meet Our core life skills
goals
develop over
FOCUS Concentrating on what’s most important at any given time many years, which
SELF-CONTROL Having the ability to control how we respond to our emotions means adults can
and stressful situations continue to build
AWARENESS Noticing people and situations around us and how we all fit and strengthen them
into the picture
through coaching
FLEXIBILITY Being able to adapt to changing situations and practice.

No one is born with these skills, but we can all learn them over
time. The brain’s architecture begins developing before birth, and NEXT:
the experiences and relationships we have in the first few years 5 Ways to Help Adults Build Their
of life affect how well the different parts of the brain connect Core Life Skills
and communicate. Positive, healthy experiences and responsive,
“serve and return” interactions with caregivers help build strong How Stress Affects Our Core Life
connections in the brain that serve as a sturdy foundation for all Skills
the health, learning, and behavior that follow.
4 Ways to Deliver Services That
Although it’s much easier to learn core life skills when you’ve Reduce Stress
had a strong foundation early in life, it’s also never too late.
Brains continue to develop into our teen and adult years, which
means adults can still learn and strengthen skills.
5 Ways to Help Adults
Build Their Core Life Skills Tips for Practitioners

1 2 3
Practice with real-life Spot and stop triggers. Take a second look at stressors.
situations. Help adults recognize what triggers their Prompt adults to think of someone they
Encourage adults to imagine and prepare intense emotions (for example, a baby admire and imagine how that person would
for relatable stressful situations (for crying, a supervisor shouting) and learn to handle a stressful situation. Or, have them
instance, trying to cook dinner while a take preventative actions—taking a deep practice looking at challenging tasks in a
toddler is demanding attention and the breath, stopping to think, focusing on long- different light. As one example, the daily
phone is ringing). term goals—when those triggers come up. battle over getting dressed for school could
be turned into a chance for the child to play
WHY? Adults see how the skills are relevant WHY? This empowers adults to become
“grown up” or “dress up.”
to their lives and learn simple, everyday more self-aware and develop coping strat-
ways to practice them. egies for the heat of the moment. WHY? Viewing things in a new way diffuses
anger, frustration, and fear. Adults learn to
SKILLS: Focus, Flexibility SKILLS: Focus, Self-Control
avoid responses that are out of proportion
to the situation.

SKILLS: Awareness, Self-Control

4 5
Learn More
Focus on personally motivating Recall positive memories and
goals. build on small successes.
This material is derived from the
Ask adults, “What type of job would you Adults who have experienced adversity may Center on the Developing Child’s
like to have and how can we help you get believe they lack control over their lives. Help report, Building Core Capabilities for
it?” Once they can imagine themselves them recall positive memories (such as a Life.
achieving a goal, they’ll begin to see poten- proud parenting moment when they or their
tial for the future. They’ll also find it easier children did something well) to see that their For more information on the science
to create steps for reaching their goals— actions—even the smallest ones—can make behind core life skills, what affects
and a plan for dealing with obstacles. a difference. their development, and how
WHY? This makes your relationship one of WHY? This gives adults a positive place to practitioners can support adults,
collaboration and support and empowers start from to change their self-image, view please see the full report on our
adults to think long-term. challenges as less threatening, and plan for website at http://developingchild.
the future. harvard.edu
SKILLS: Planning, Flexibility
SKILLS: Planning, Awareness

developingchild.harvard.edu
How Stress Affects Our
Core Life Skills Insight for Practitioners

Some stress in life can be positive, but extreme, ongoing stress

can wreak havoc with our health, behavior, and ability to use our
core life skills.

WHY? Stress and adversity trigger automatic self-regulation in the

brain—the immediate (and at times necessary) “fight or flight”
response that spurs us to act first and think later. When that
response is triggered repeatedly by extreme stress, however, it
can overload the brain’s capacity for more reflective, intentional
responses. If this occurs during early childhood, the brain actually
overdevelops the ability to perceive and respond quickly to
threats, instead of the ability to assess and respond to situations
thoughtfully.

That’s why experiencing a pile-up of adversity—such as violence, How Can We Help?

illness, unemployment, homelessness, addiction, or abuse—
can cause adults to struggle to keep track of the problems in
their lives, find solutions for dealing with them, and follow a
To help adults
plan for moving ahead. And why, despite our best intentions, use their core life
the programs and services we provide—with their complicated skills, practitioners
forms, multiple appointments, and chaotic environments—can
further undermine adults’ core life skills.
can make sure
that accessing
Excessive stress services does not
affects how well
we develop and Stressful
Stimulus
unintentionally
use core life skills.
Primarily
add more stress to
Automatic
“Fight or Flight”
adults’ lives.
Response

NEXT:
4 Ways to Deliver Services That
Reduce Stress

Early Childhood Adulthood

Extreme stress redirects Excessive stress overloads
brain development away our ability to use core life
from core life skills toward skills, leaving us to rely
automatic rapid threat primarily on automatic
responses. responses.
4 Ways to Deliver Services Tips for Practitioners &
That Reduce Stress Systems Leaders

1 2 3

Meet basic needs first. Streamline and simplify. Be a coach, not a boss.
Reduce the burden of stress caused by what- Streamline applications, forms, and process- Use your understanding of the effects of
ever is scarce in people’s lives—child care, es within and—whenever possible—across stress to approach adults with respect, truly
transportation, or crucial staples like food agencies. Make materials widely accessible listen to them, and build on what they do
and diapers. A mother who has no clean by producing them in a variety of formats already that’s positive. Also, create a consis-
diapers for her baby won’t be able to focus (printed, online, mobile-friendly), using tent format for your interactions to provide
on her own mental health, for example. clear language, providing multiple transla- them with predictability.
tions, and breaking down required tasks into
WHY? This enables adults to shift their focus WHY? This will reduce the stress and po-
simple steps.
from basic survival to longer-term programs tential threat of your interactions and avoid
like education and training, budgeting, and WHY? This ensures that services designed to triggering adults’ threat response system.
goal-setting. help adults do not inadvertently become ad- Providing feedback in positive ways also
ditional sources of stress, which may cause helps adults become more open to new op-
adults to give up accessing them altogether. portunities.

Learn More
4
This material is derived from the Center on the Developing
Child’s report, Building Core Capabilities for Life.

Use accessible, familiar tools. For more information on the science behind core life skills, how
Ask adults what helps them stay organized. stress affects their development, and how practitioners can
Checklists, apps, and other tools may help reduce stress for adults, please see the full report on our
help them manage life’s many demands website at http://developingchild.harvard.edu
and break down tasks into incremental
steps. Let adults sign up for text message
reminders about upcoming appointments,
deadlines, or classes.

WHY? This puts the power to solve prob-

lems back into adults’ own hands and gives
them the familiarity of tools (for example, a
cell phone) that they already rely on.

developingchild.harvard.edu