The Bisexual Option

Second Edition
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The Bisexual Option
Second Edition

Fritz Klein, MD
Foreword by
Regina U. Reinhardt, PhD
ROUTLEDGE

Routledge
Taylor & Francis Group
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in writing from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Klein, Fred.
The bisexual option I Fritz Klein.-2nd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-56023-033-9 (acid free paper).
1. Bisexuality-United States. 2. Sex (Psychology) 3. Sex customs-United States. I. Title.
HQ74.K55 1993 92-44323
306.76'5-dc20 CIP
ToM.S.
 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Fritz Klein, MD, is a psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in

sexual orientation and relationship problems, short-term therapy
using mainly neuro-linguistic programming and Ericksonian hypno-
sis, and HIV/ AIDS therapy for gays, bisexuals, and drug addicts. He
is coauthor of Man, His Body, His Sex (Doubleday & Co., 1978) and
coeditor of Bisexualities, Theory and Research (The Haworth Press,
1986). Dr. Klein has lectured on human sexuality, given workshops
on neuro-linguistic programming and hypnosis, and has been a vis-
iting professor LG.S./F.I.T., Florida. A board-certified psychiatrist,
he is a member of the Examining Board of the American College of
Sexology and the National Association of Neuro-Linguistic Pro-
grammmg.
 CONTENTS

Foreword ix
Regina U. Reinhardt, PhD

Acknowledgements xi

PART I: WHAT IS BISEXUALITY

Chapter 1. The Threat 3
Both the heterosexual and the homosexual find the bisexual threat-
ening. The myth of the bisexual's nonexistence and the stance of
"either/or" is discussed.

Chapter 2. Toward a Definition 13

The various dimensions, facets, and aspects of the bisexual's defi-
nition are given. The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid is explained.
An analysis of cultural and biological factors of sexual orientation.

Chapter 3. "The Bisexual-Intimacy Level" 29

The difference between emotional and sexual intimacy. The con-
nection between intimacy and hetero- and homophobia. A profile of
a heterosexual male who is able to be emotionally intimate with
men.

Chapter 4. Sexuality and the Oedipus Complex:

A New Look 39
An explanation of the Oedipus complex. The view that both homo-
sexuals and bisexuals are able to resolve it successfully. An exam-
ple showing how one bisexual male has resolved it.

PART II: BISEXUALITY AND HEALTH

Chapter 5. The Troubled Bisexual-The Healthy Bisexual 53
Definition of neurosis and the various types of troubled bisexuals,
as well as the healthy functioning of the bisexual.
Chapter 6. The Troubled Bisexual-Profiles 63
Four troubled bisexuals: Nora, Walter, Ann, Donald.

Chapter 7. The Healthy Bisexual-Profiles 83

Three healthy bisexuals: Harold, Hazel, Jane.

PART III: THE BISEXUAL IN SOCIETY

Chapter 8. Sociological Findings 107
The lack of a bisexual community or subculture. Sociological find-
ings by various researchers. Results of survey taken of a bisexual
social group.

Chapter 9. The Bisexual in History and the Arts 133

A list of famous bisexuals in past and present. Profiles of Alexan-
der the Great, Oscar Wilde, Somerset Maugham, and Colette. A
review of the Greek civilization as well as the Bloomsbury Group.
List of examples as well as a discussion of three works in which the
bisexual "ideal" and "truth" are portrayed.

Chapter 10. The Bisexual Future: Present-Day Factors 159

A discussion of the nine factors that will influence bisexuality in the
future: AIDS, sex roles and stereotypes, androgyny, friendship and
lovers, family, "gay lib," the women's movement and feminism,
myths, dilemmas.

APPENDIX A. The Bisexual as Portrayed in the Arts 171

APPENDIX B. Bisexual Survey Results 189

Bibliography 201

Index 207
 Foreword

As a bisexual woman and a psychotherapist, it seemed both

natural and important for me to research bisexual women because
so little work had been done in this field, and of the little that had
been researched, there were very few studies on women. When in
the course of my work for a PhD, I found the first edition of Dr.
Klein's book, it was immediately meaningful to me, both profes-
sionally and personally. Since that time, I have used The Bisexual
Option as a tool for therapy in both individual and group work.
Fourteen years ago, when Dr. Fritz Klein first set out to write The
Bisexual Option, neither the New York Public Library nor the Index
Medicus contained any reference to literature on bisexuality. What
little there was available largely denied the existence of the bisexu-
al. Individual lifestyle preferences recognized today as "bisexual"
were labeled "heterosexual with homosexual tendencies." Many
treatments were used to assist in changing behavior, rather than
supporting and maintaining a healthy lifestyle integrating all sexual
preferences.
Dr. Klein's work presents a continuum of sexual, social, and
emotional preferences over time, within which all of us can recog-
nize ourselves and others around us. Self-awareness about one's
sexuality is a continuing process, and The Bisexual Option is a book
we can return to again and again for self-knowledge. I have found it
useful myself to return to the book several times over the nine years
I have been associated with Dr. Klein in San Diego.
In childhood, I erotically fantasized about and experimented with
both boys and girls. My puberty was entirely void of feelings for
girls, and these same-sex feelings did not return until my late teens,
at which time they brought to me the recognition of my own bisexu-
ality. I have spent my adult life happily married while maintaining
secondary relationships with women with the full knowledge and
consent of my husband.
ix
x THE BISEXUAL OPTION

Dr. Klein's presentation of the healthy bisexual and the troubled

bisexual provides another scale on which we can locate ourselves.
Identification on this scale as well changes with time and experi-
ence. The description of the healthy bisexual sets a model against
which we can compare ourselves and toward which we can strive.
Many people are confused and fearful of recognizing and accept-
ing their sexual preferences. Without direction and counsel they
may never proceed beyond the question, "Am I a bisexual?" I
recommend this book to my patients who are confused or uncertain
about their sexual preferences. They return to therapy knowing they
are not alone and with a clearer set of questions about themselves.
Bisexuality is much more than a sexual preference. It is a frame-
work of social, emotional, behavioral, and ideal preferences as well.
We all have a need to belong, but the first acceptance we must have
is our own.
While, as Dr. Klein points out, bisexuals have a high tolerance
for ambiguity, they nonetheless represent the most complex state of
sexual relatedness. In the end, it is not our preferences that lead us
to a rich full life but rather our capacity for intimacy.
As leader, since 1984, of the Bisexual Forum, an organization
founded by Dr. Klein, I have had the opportunity to work with
individuals along the full spectrum of preferences so well described
by the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
Meeting several times a month in a variety of group discussions
and social settings, we have created in San Diego a social and
support environment for a bisexual lifestyle. In the present state of
awareness about bisexuality, the next stage of social development in
America will appear when we are able to integrate a bisexual life-
style into the prevalent social fabric, as has already occurred in
many European countries. Dr. Klein's work has provided much of
the foundation for this growth.

Regina U. Reinhardt, PhD

 Acknow ledgements

I am most grateful to the many people who have aided me in this

work. First I want to thank all those who were kind enough to give
of their time and share their histories with me. I have rearranged and
changed the details of their stories to ensure confidentiality.
Chuck Mishaan, the director of the Bisexual Forum, was most
helpful in every way. Both Aphrodite Clamar and Peter B. Field
devoted many hours in diligent research. This effort is truly appre-
ciated. I am indebted to Ed Hanlon for his enthusiasm and help.
Special thanks go to John DeCecco whose encouragement made
this second edition possible.

xi
Xli THE BISEXUAL OPTION

The author gratefully acknowledges permission to include material

from the following:

From THE CITY AND THE PILLAR by Gore Vidal, Copyright ©

1948 by E. P. Dutton & Co., Revised edition Copyright © 1965 by
E. P. Dutton & Co., by permission of the author.

From ESCAPE FROM THE SHADOWS by Robin Maugham,

Copyright © 1972 by Lord Maugham, by permission of the pub-
lishers, McGraw-Hill Book Company.

From THE FOX by D. H. Lawrence, Copyright © 1923 by Frieda

Lawrence, renewed 1951, by permission of The Viking Press.

From GIOVANNI'S ROOM by James Baldwin, Copyright © 1956

by James Baldwin, by permission of The Dial Press.

From THE LEFT HAND OF DARKNESS by Ursula K. LeGuin,

Copyright © 1969 by Ursula K. LeGuin, by permission of the
publishers, Ace Books.

From MAN & WOMAN, BOY & GIRL by John Money and Anke
Ehrhardt, Copyright © 1972 by The Johns Hopkins University
Press, by permission of the publishers.

From NEUROSIS AND HUMAN GROWTH by Karen Homey,

Copyright © 1950 by W. W. Norton & Co., Inc., by permission of
the publishers.

From ORLANDO by Virginia Woolf, Copyright © 1928 by Virgin-

ia Woolf, Copyright ©1956 by Leonard Woolf, by permission of
the publishers, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc.

From OSCAR WILDE: A BIOGRAPHY by H. Montgomery Hyde,

Copyright © 1975 by Harford Productions, Ltd. by permission of
the publisher, Farrar, Straus & Giroux, Inc. (Note: Apart from a few
brief notes, this letter, now in The Pierpont Morgan Library, New
 Acknowledgements xm

York, is the only one from Wilde to his wife that is known to have
survived.)

From SEXUAL BEHAVIOR IN THE HUMAN FEMALE by

Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, Clyde E. Martin, and Paul
H. Gebhard, Copyright © 1953 by W. B. Saunders & Co., by
permission of The Institute for Sex Research, Inc.

From SEXUAL BEHAVIOR IN THE HUMAN MALE by Alfred

C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, and Clyde E. Martin, Copyright ©
1948 by W. B. Saunders & Co., by permission of The Institute for
Sex Research, Inc.

From SEXUAL DEVIANCE AND SEXUAL DEVIANTS edited by

Eric Goode and Richard Troiden, Copyright © 1974 by E. Goode
and R. Troiden, by permission of the publisher, Wm. Morrow & Co.,
Inc.

From TOWARD A RECOGNITION OF ANDROGYNY by Caro-

lyn G. Heilbrun, Copyright © 1973 by C. G. Heilbrun, by permis-
sion of the publishers, Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.

From THE TWO WORLDS OF SOMERSET MAUGHAM by W.

Menard, Copyright © 1965 by W. Menard, by permission of the
publisher, Sherbourne Press.

From WOMEN IN LOVE by D. H. Lawrence, Copyright © 1920,

1922 by David Herbert Lawrence, renewed 1948, by Frieda Law-
rence, by permission of The Viking Press.
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 PART I:
WHAT IS BISEXUALITY
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 Chapter 1

The Threat

The New York Public Library, known for its liberality, has two
monographs on bisexuality. No books.
Why?
The Index Medicus, which lists all articles appearing in scientific
journals on every conceivable medical subject, had 47 pieces on
homosexuality. None at all on bisexuality. The category is omitted
altogether.
Why?
The New York Psychoanalytic Institute, one of the major orga-
nizations of its kind in America and, indeed, in the world, has in its
library catalogue over 600 items on the subject of homosexuality-
and only 60 on bisexuality.
A few weeks prior to gathering the above information for the first
edition of this book, I received a call from a friend asking me to
lunch. Liz is the wife of a successful New York designer of
women's clothes. There was an urgency in her tone that caused me
to respond with an immediate yes, although I was quite busy.
"I'm free tomorrow," I said.
"I need to talk to you today."
"How about a drink around four?"
"Your office?"
"Fine."
When she arrived I poured her a drink. As we sat down she said,
"Do you always offer your patients a drink?"
"I hardly consider you a patient."
"Well, I don't know. You'd better tum on the tape. I may never
say again what I'm about to say now."
I switched on the machine.
3
4 THE BISEXUAL OPTION

"You know that Bill and I have been married for over twenty
years. "
"Quite happily, from all appearances."
"In our case appearances are not deceiving. We are very happy."
"So you and Bill are not the problem."
"In a sense, we are. How do I put this?" She sat a while staring
into her glass. "About a month ago we were at a dinner party and
this psychologist was there, an expert of some kind. He was holding
forth on the nature of sexuality and he said that the homosexual and
heterosexual were facts of life, and that the bisexual didn't exist.
Bill challenged that opinion and the psychologist just took him
apart, saying that the bisexual is nothing more than a closet gay. Bill
really felt bad when we left. Bill said he didn't believe anything the
psychologist said, but still he couldn't come up with an effective
rebuttal. Since that incident we've been in constant dialogue over
biseXUality. We've talked about little else, and it's begun to affect
his work and our lives. There are the children to think about, and ...
oh my God, I don't know where to begin."
"Which of you is bisexual?"
"We both are." She stopped to light a cigarette. "Does that
surprise you?"
"It's been rumored for years that Bill is gay and that your mar-
riage is a front."
"Do you believe that?"
"No."
"What do you ... what have you believed about us?"
"That you are a couple very much in love. That Bill is bisexual
and that you are heterosexual."
"You didn't suspect about me?"
"No. I suppose because you haven't been that open about it. Bill
has been known to flirt now and then with both men and women."
"He hates the 'gay' label. Not because of the connotation-God,
half the people we know are gay-but because it simply isn't true. I
feel ... ah ... well, that's it. I really don't know how to label
myself. Neither does Bill. For years we entertained the possibility
that we were supemeurotic. But now Bill feels that he's not neurotic
but just the opposite. Healthy."
"What do you think?"
 The Threat 5

"You know that there is a flood of opinion out there that would
drown both Bill and me with an army of experts to say that you
can't be bisexual and healthy. Bill is better off being thought of as
gay, with his marriage as a front, than he is as a bisexual."
"Does Bill know you called me?"
"Yes. We both want to resolve this. We hate being told we don't
exist sexually. Do we? Does the bisexual exist outside of being a
confused gay, or just sex-mad?"
"Not according to many experts."
"How do you feel?"
"One, I think it's a presumption to tell people they do not exist.
And two, I think the bisexual not only exists independently of the
homosexual label, but exists period."
"Can you prove that?"
"Well," I laughed, "that's a tall order at the moment. I have a
patient coming in a few minutes, but give me some time to think
about it."
When Liz left I took down a book from my shelves called
Changing Homosexuality in the Male by Dr. Lawrence J. Hatterer. I
had read the book previously and I remembered that the point of
view toward the bisexual was on the side of nonexistence.
In a list describing common and uncommon homosexual subcul-
tures, Dr. Hatterer places the bisexual in the "disguised" group-
along with closet queens and married males who regularly practice
homosexuality. This almost universally held opinion is passed on to
the public, both heterosexual and homosexual. And because it is
easier to accept and understand the bisexual as a disguised homo-
sexual, public acceptance of expert opinion goes for the most part
unchallenged.
As disguised homosexual, the bisexual is by this process "re-
duced." We tend to categorize people, to put them into the most
readily available group. In the worlds of commerce, government,
and religion, this is to some degree logical. That this mistaken
practice is also adopted by the individual in his or her search for
self-identity-and held onto at all costs for lack of a suitable alterna-
tive-is tragic.
This is what Liz means when she says that Bill is better off being
thought of as gay. Taking it further, if public and expert opinion are
6 THE BISEXUAL OPTION

the only guiding standards to self-identity, Bill is "better off" think-

ing of himself as gay. Human beings need to belong. They need to
communicate with their peer group. They need to sit around the
communal fire not only in warmth but in dignity.
This is especially true in our society when it comes to the business
world. In the world of business, banners of visible achievement are
flown. Products are manufactured and sold, people are employed,
money is made and lost, all in the name of business. Coca-Cola is as
internationally known a symbol as the Union Jack or the Stars and
Stripes. Buying and selling is most successfully carried on when the
people flying the banners know the buyers to whom they are selling.
Advertisers know that certain groups of people will remain loyal to a
product for a lifetime-if that product can be correctly aimed by
means of a direct emotional appeal to the given particular group.
In government, too, the virtue of loyalty can be extolled and
exploited for all kinds of personal gain, both good and bad-all the
more easily if the exploiters know their targets' place in society and
can keep them there. Wars are "sold" this way, just as are worthier
propositions, such as that all humans are created equal. As long as
human beings can be simply classified as one thing or the other, the
possibilities are endless.
It would be absurd to suggest that bisexuals are any more or less
evil (or, for that matter, good) than heterosexuals or homosexuals. It
is absurd as well to suggest that bisexuals are any more or less loyal
than other groups around the communal fire. But the quality of
loyalty may be different. What we have failed to see up to this point
is that the bisexual may be less loyal to the status quo than to nature.
Differences, freedom of choice, have been a threat to the group
since before the beginning of recorded time.
One of the classic romantic questions asked of psychiatrists is,
can one love two women or two men at the same time? My answer
to that one is, "One can if one can."
Can human beings love both men and women at the same time?
They can if they can.
What does this do to the individual's standards of loyalty? Is he
or she able to carry the burdens of trust necessary in relationships
that are more than transient or skin-deep? Or is he or she, by playing
a dual role, a "spy"?
 The Threat 7

During wartime, spies, when captured, may be shot. An even

worse fate may await citizens convicted of treason. They are often
held up to particularly vicious public scorn before being killed. As
much today as in the remote past, loyalty to "one's own" is held
dear by the human race, north, south, east, and west. We simply do
not condone spying or treason. They are acts so abhorrent that we
are shocked by their existence, and often feel no guilt in erasing the
spy, the traitor, so that no living trace remains. Being "drummed
out" is, in a very real sense, being told that it would have been
better had you never been born, and that from this time forward the
position will be taken that you never were. "My country-right or
wrong," is a line straight to the human heart, a place of worship in
the human psyche.
The bisexual resembles the spy in that he or she moves psycho-
sexually freely among men and among women. The bisexual also
resembles the traitor in that he or she is in a position to know the
secrets of both camps, and to play one against the other. The bisexu-
al, in short, is seen as a dangerous person, not to be trusted, because
his or her party loyalty, so to speak, is nonexistent. And if one lacks
this sort of loyalty, one is so far outside the human sexual pale that
one is virtually nonexistent.
Let us return again to Dr. Hatterer's interesting word "disguise."
A disguise is a deceit. A human being who spends his or her life
in disguise is not to be trusted. It follows that a Jew in Nazi-ruled
Europe who disguised him- or herself as a non-Jew to keep from
being killed was not to be trusted by anyone. Yet, in retrospect,
there are few of us with a claim to intelligence, let alone humanity,
who would not trust the secret Jew above the S.S. officer who
proudly showed his true face to the world.
In our society, with its strong negative view of homosexual be-
havior of any kind, it is quite understandable when bisexuals, or
"closet" homosexuals, disguise their behavior. But bisexuality is
not disguised homosexuality, nor is it disguised heterosexuality. It is
another way of sexual expression. Although it contains elements of
both heterosexual and homosexual behavior, it is a way of being, in
and of itself, a way neither better nor worse than the more accepted
ways of healthy heterosexuality and healthy homosexuality.
8 THE BISEXUAL OPTION

No matter what sexual orientation a person has, he or she lives on

a continuum. Despite the certainty of eventual death, the life of an
individual goes on until that time. During the course of a lifetime,
each individual plays a number of roles: father, mother, soldier,
teacher, heterosexual, homosexual, and so on. We take comfort in
the labels; they help define our relationships with one another and
with the world at large. Yet with each label we acquire, we limit our
infinite possibilities, our uniqueness. It is our insistence on labels
that creates the "either-or" syndrome. This is well illustrated by the
mother and father who came to see me about the progress of their
25-year-old daughter, who was a patient of mine. They are a nice
couple, prosperous, good churchgoing citizens. All their lives they
have marched in a sometimes meandering, sometimes straight line
for God and country. They have been rewarded with a comfortable
life. When they came to see me everything was in its place except
their daughter, who had recently announced to them that for the
moment she was living with a woman. They were particularly upset
because they were paying part of my bill for the therapy necessary
after their daughter's recent divorce.
"Would you rather she hadn't told you?" I asked.
"What kind of a world is this where such a thing can happen?"
the father replied.
"What has happened?"
"If this is where therapy leads, then to go on paying is throwing
good money after bad." The mother was on the verge of tears. "A
lesbian. We sent her to you and now she's a lesbian."
"Why do you say she's a lesbian?"
"She told us."
"She told you she was a lesbian? She said that?"
They looked at each other as though allied against some dark,
sinister force. The mother answered. "She's living and doing God
knows what with a woman. What else do you call it?"
"What did your daughter call it?"
"Whatever she calls it, she's too sick to know what it is." The
father waved his hand in a gesture of dismissa1.
"She says she loves this woman," the mother said, comforting her
husband with a pat on the arm. "She actually wants us to meet her."
"How do you feel about that?"
 The Threat 9

"We don't know what to feel. Do you know that she and the
woman she's living with have an open relationship?"
"What does that mean to you?" I asked.
"Well, it means that she sees other people as well. One of them is
a man."
"She's had too much freedom. That's her problem." The father's
voice was choked with anger. "A man here, a woman there. You
can't live that way. You're one thing or you're another. That's the
danger. Too much freedom. She's a lesbian now, no matter what she
says to rationalize her disgusting behavior."
"Has she suggested to you that she's a bisexual?"
"We don't believe that for a minute," he said. "She's telling us
that just so we won't make trouble for her."
"Why do you say that?" I asked.
"You're one thing or you're another." The father banged his fist
on my desk. "I've lived long enough to know that, and I've been in
business too long to believe anyone who says they're one thing
today and another thing tomorrow. How long would you and I be in
business, doctor, if we lived that way?"
"Your daughter's love life is not a business."
He got up, ready to leave. "One way or another, it's all business."
The calling-a-spade-a-spade point of view has a certain unvar-
nished, up-front honesty that I frankly admire. Artlessness is sel-
dom without genuine charm, but that does not transform it into the
truth. To understand the complexity of extradimensional choice
requires more than mere straightforwardness, however tutored by
experience it might be.
"Won't you sit for a while longer?" I pointed to his chair. "We
all have your daughter's best interest at heart."
For the next half hour or so I became their ally in the wish for a
psychosexually secure future for their child. It says much for them
that after a few more sessions they did eventually come to accept, if
not respect, their daughter's choice oflove object. But they held fast
to the view that "One way or another, it's all business."
Labeling is a tried and true method of eliminating the threats of
uncertainty, ambiguity, fear. A familiar old myth illustrates this. In
the form of an ill-contrived joke, it says that a man may father many
beautiful children, be a transcendent lover of women, earn numerous
10 THE BISEXUAL OPTION

degrees at the highest university level, discover a cure for an incur-

able disease, earn his country's most bespangled award on the field
of battle; but should he fellate one penis, he will be forever known
thereafter not as a loving parent, a lover, a scholar, a Nobel Prize-
winner, a brave soldier, but as a "cocksucker."
There is another myth that, though not primarily sexual, is equal-
ly absurd in assigning a negative connotation, based on prejudice to
begin with, to a mere fact of life. Many people in this country,
especially in the South, consider a person with "one drop" of
African-American blood to be "black." Why is this person not seen
as white at least in degree? The answer is as simple as it is profane.
A threat is best dealt with if it is dismissable. In the world of sexual
choice the homosexual is the black. He is a "fag," a "fairy," a
"cocksucker." We need not take him seriously. Somehow, God
seems more secure in his heaven if we are not burdened with the
element of degree, when we are judging threatening behavior, espe-
cially sexual behavior. Hence, if the bisexual is really a homosexual
with a screw loose, his or her social and psychological obliteration
is a comfort and a safeguard to all. This holds true for the homosexu-
al as well as the heterosexual because existence, of however despised
a kind, is preferable to, better than, a higher state than, nonexistence.
Abhorrent as "The Love that Dared not Speak its Name" has been
to society over the centuries, at least no serious case has ever been
made for its nonexistence; homosexuals or lesbians may have been
despised for their "perversion," but their psychosexual existence has
never been in question. The homosexual belongs. The lesbian be-
longs. He or she has a culture. He or she can be loyal to a team.
Our culture considers itself liberal and permissive, but the hetero-
sexual view of the homosexual is, to say the least, negative. In a
CBS poll, 72 percent of the people polled considered homosexual-
ity an illness, 11 percent a crime, 9 percent a sin, and only 8 percent
a preference. A Harris poll taken before perestroika and the breakup
of the USSR found that 82 percent of males and 58 percent of
females thought that homosexuals were the third most harmful
group to the nation, behind Communists and atheists.
Is it any wonder that now, since the advent of Gay Lib and a
measure of gay recognition, homosexuals may not want to recog-
nize their possible bisexuality?
 The Threat 11

To most heterosexuals and homosexuals, the bisexual is an alien

being whose dual sexuality opens up the possibility of their own
sexual ambiguity. They cannot understand the bisexual's ability to
share their own preferences but not their own aversions.
The heterosexual's erotic preferences and aversions usually do
not permit an understanding of the homosexual. Homosexuals as
well are baffled by attraction to the opposite sex. This creates two
distinct camps from which banners can be flown. And though they
may be ideological threats to each other, the two camps are as
clearly distinct as, in the heyday of the cold war, the American eagle
and the Russian bear. Their threat to each other is familiar, and the
battle lines are clear-cut.
The wish to avoid conflict is natural and essential to life. Without
peace of mind (if only of the kind available to the Sunday golfer),
madness nips at our heels. Should we fail to defend ourselves, it
will go for our throats. In our time, peace of any kind may be
available only to the few who know themselves-and the many who
keep their heads "securely" in the sand. Denial is one of the classic
mechanisms by which this brand of security is sustained. For the
heterosexual male, for example, the homosexual male's behavior
may contain components of his own, but denial of the homosexual's
label (and thence his role) is relatively easy. The heterosexual is not
free to identify beyond certain vague, "neuter" acts, such as kissing
or being fellated. But this same male confronted with a bisexual
male must, if only unconsciously, deal with his own possible sexual
ambiguity. The reason he is relieved to hear that the bisexual does
not exist is that he thereby avoids his own inner conflict. If a
homosexual male finds other males attractive, that fact has nothing
to do with the heterosexual. But if a bisexual male finds both men
and women attractive, that does have something to do with him in a
way too close for comfort. The possibility of identification then is
considerably broader. When the head in the sand comes up for air,
what it sees may be unbearable.
Since, until now, bisexuality has been largely a negative, a non-
state, a neither-nor-a disguised state of homosexuality or worse-
how can it be described at all, let alone labeled healthy? Edna St.
Vincent Millay notwithstanding, burning the candle at both ends-
12 THE BISEXUAL OPTION

despite its lovely light-has had a high price exacted upon it by both
history and conventional wisdom.
The state of nonexistence is indeed dangerous. Liz and Bill, both
children of their time, are among its victims.
The New York Public Library, the Index Medicus, and the New
York Psychoanalytic Institute pronounce a harsh judgment on bi-
sexuality by saying little or nothing. At least we now better under-
stand why there is such a profound silence.
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