(Ratings and Remarks) IELTS Academic Writing Task 1 (Line Chart) Practice Test 1

Question
The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between
1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
Image description: The graph depicts aging population trends in Japan, Sweden,
and the USA from 1940 to 2040. Japan shows the most dramatic increase, starting
lowest but projected to rise sharply after 2000, reaching the highest proportion by
2040. Sweden maintains a steady climb throughout, while the USA shows moderate
growth. All three countries converge towards significantly higher percentages of elderly
citizens by 2040, with Japan experiencing the most rapid demographic shift in its aging
population.
Essay
The line chart draws a comparison between the proportion of the population aged 65
and over in Japan, Sweden and USA with further projections over a century.
As is clearly shown, there were only a negligible amount of elderly inhabitants in Japan.
However, the number is expected to overtake that of the USA and Sweden after 2020
and around 27% of the Japanese will be 65 or even older in 2040.
In 1940, the USA owned the largest aging population among the three countries with
nearly 10% of its citizens aged 65 and over. However, during 1940 and 2020, the
number reached a plateau after climbing up to 15%. At this time, the aging population
in Sweden and Japan were both in a relatively steady increase.
In 2020, among the three countries, the Sweden apparently took the lead in the
number of aging populations, followed by the USA and Japan. Soon after 2020, as
is predicted, Japan will witness a skyrocketing increment of its proportion of aging
population directly from 10% to 25%. While the USA and Sweden only took a short
leap based on its original figure respectively.
Corrected Essay
The line chart ( Good use of specific chart type, which is appropriate for IELTS academic
writing task 1. ) draws a comparison between ( Consider using 'compares' for a more
concise expression. For instance, 'The line chart compares the proportion...'. ) the proportion
of the population aged 65 and over ( Repeated phrase, consider using synonyms such
as 'the elderly' or 'senior citizens' in subsequent mentions to enhance variety. ) in Japan,
Sweden and USA with further projections over a century. As is clearly shown ( This
phrase effectively introduces evidence or data analysis, which is good for leading into your
findings. ) , there were only a negligible amount of elderly inhabitants ( 'Negligible' may
mislead as it suggests an almost zero quantity. You might say 'a smaller proportion of elderly
inhabitants' for clarity. ) in Japan. However, the number is expected to overtake ( 'Surpass'
could be a better choice for clarity and to maintain a formal tone in the context of population
figures. For example, '...is expected to surpass that of...' ) that of the USA and Sweden after
2020 and around 27% ( Quantify with an introductory phrase for smoother flow, e.g., 'it is
projected ( Using future projections based on the graph data is a good approach for Task
1 writing. ) that 27% of the Japanese...'. ) of the Japanese will be 65 or even older in 2040.
In 1940, the USA owned ( 'Had' is a clearer and more direct choice than 'owned' when
referring to population statistics. ) the largest aging population among the three countries
with nearly 10% of its citizens aged 65 and over. However, during 1940 and 2020 ( It's
good to compare different points in time to show change over the years, which is effective
for Task 1. ) ( This time range is confusingly phrased. Consider 'Between 1940 and 2020'
for clarity. ) , the number reached a plateau ( Include a brief explanation or example of
what this means in context to enhance understanding. ) after climbing up to 15%. At this
time, the aging population in Sweden and Japan were both in a relatively steady increase
( Simplify and clarify this phrase. Consider 'increased steadily' for better readability. ) . In
2020, among the three countries, the Sweden apparently took the lead ( Avoid using 'the'
before 'Sweden'. Simply 'Sweden' is correct. Additionally, 'apparently' is unnecessary here.
) in the number of aging populations ( 'Number of aging populations' is incorrect because
'populations' shouldn't be plural in this context. Consider 'size of the aging population'
instead. ) , followed by the USA and Japan. Soon after 2020, as is predicted, ( This phrase
is overly wordy. Consider simplifying it to 'It is predicted that soon after 2020,' for clarity.
) Japan will witness ( 'Witness' is a powerful verb that effectively describes significant
changes, making your writing more vivid. ) a skyrocketing increment ( 'Skyrocketing
increment' can be simplified to 'sharp increase' for a more formal tone suitable for academic
writing. ) of its proportion of aging population directly from 10% to 25% ( 'Directly' is
unnecessary here. Consider removing it for conciseness. ) . While the USA and Sweden only
took a short leap based on its original figure ( This phrase is awkward and unclear. Simplify
with 'only showed a slight increase from their original figures' for clarity. ) respectively.
Word Count 190
Score for writ- Task Achieve- Coherence Lexical Re- Grammatical

ing ment / Task and Cohesion source Range and
Response Accuracy
practise test 7 7 7 7
Overall 7
TASK ACHIEVEMENT / TASK RESPONSE

You have effectively addressed all elements of the task, pre-
senting a clear comparison of the data and identifying major
trends. Your essay demonstrates a thorough understanding of
the graph and successfully projects future changes. To further
improve, consider incorporating more detailed comparisons be-
tween the data points at specific intervals to enrich your analysis.
COHERENCE AND COHESION
Notes Your essay benefits from a well-organized structure, with clear
paragraphs and logical progression from one idea to the next.
However, to enhance coherence, consider varying your transition
phrases and explicitly referencing figures in your analysis to di-
rectly tie your observations to the graph data.
LEXICAL RESOURCE
Your vocabulary is apt for the subject, with relevant terms used
effectively. To aim for a higher band, work on incorporating a
broader range of expressions and more precise adjectives to
describe trends and changes. Avoiding repetition of phrases will
also help in this aspect.
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
Your control of grammar and sentence structures is good, sup-
porting the clear delivery of your ideas. To improve, focus on incor-
porating a higher proportion of complex sentence structures and
ensuring subject-verb agreement in all instances for enhanced
accuracy.

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Question

Word Count 190

Score for writ- Task Achieve- Coherence Lexical Re- Grammatical

TASK ACHIEVEMENT / TASK RESPONSE

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