YOU CAN’T CONTROL EVERYTHING

YOU CAN’T

EVERYTHING
…but that is okay, because there is joy and magic to
be found when you free your thoughts, says former
Buddhist monk Björn Natthiko Lindeblad

40 PSYCHOLOGY NOW
 YOU CAN’T CONTROL EVERYTHING

WORDS FAITH HILL

A
2020 study revealed that we and let the other pebbles on the beach jostle
humans have a staggering us and rub against us and wear us down,
6,200 thoughts per day*. our sharp edges will slowly but surely fade.” BJÖRN!NATTHIKO!
But being able to let go of at LINDEBLAD

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least some of these helps Swedish public speaker and
us to reduce anxiety and stress, making Accept you meditation teacher Björn Na!hiko
our lives feel lighter and less complicated. may be wrong Lindeblad spent 17 years as a
It can cause suffering if you hold
Buddhist monk in Thailand, England

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too tightly to fixed thoughts,
Listen to your beliefs or opinions. They may stop you and Switzerland. He is the author
inner wisdom from moving forward when you want to of I May Be Wrong: And Other
Learning to listen to yourself, to make a change in your life, or means you Wisdoms from Life as a Forest
your innate voice of inner wisdom don’t truly listen to someone else in the
Monk (Bloomsbury, £16.99 ($19.65)).
or intuition, is a valuable life tool. Björn middle of a disagreement. Being able to
calls it “the intelligence of the moment” let go of a thought or opinion, even if you
and describes it as a finely honed, quiet believe it to be right, can be liberating.
compass inside you. Other voices may DO IT A wise senior monk shared a Björn witnessed his own ‘should’ thoughts
get in the way of your inner wisdom, valuable mantra with Björn 20 years ago, when he joined a new monastery, which
such as when you seek advice from which has helped him to let go ever since. to him was rather disorganised, where
others. Your ego has a voice too – “It o!en The mantra is: ‘I may be wrong. I may be “things weren’t done in a proper way.”
drowns out everything else with its noisy wrong. I may be wrong’. The next time DO IT Practise Björn’s simple hand
demands,” says Björn. These extra voices you sense a conflict brewing, repeat this movement to let go of ‘should’ thoughts:
shut off access to your own intelligence. mantra to let go of fixed thoughts and “Clench your fist really hard and then let
DO IT Create moments of stillness to to become more open to other ideas. it unfold into an open hand. It’s a good
allow your inner wisdom to speak up. illustration of how we can let go of things we

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Choose a quiet room and pick a time cling to too hard, like feelings or convictions.”
Leave room

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when you won’t be distracted. Björn
advises tracking your breathing to for miracles Balance control
find stillness. Follow each inhale, each When you think about the with trust
exhale and any pauses in between. future, your mind might spiral The phrase ‘trust the universe’

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into unhelpful negative thought patterns, holds wisdom – it not only
Practise especially if you have a tendency to imagine encourages positive thinking, but it also
empathy worst-case scenarios. For example, if an helps you to relinquish control. While
You may be annoyed by people’s investment goes south, you might think Björn says there is a place for control in
behaviour or have opinions you’ll never recoup the loss. But just because certain circumstances, such as organising
about how they should or shouldn’t be, one unwelcome thing happens, it does not your taxes or choosing childcare, there’s
but developing empathy will allow you mean another will follow. “Loosening our value in learning to trust, especially if some
to let go of unhelpful thoughts. Björn grip on these types of convictions is a sign aspects of life are outside of your control.
lived closely with many different people of wisdom,” says Björn. “Trying to direct and “My guiding star on my journey back
and all their quirks throughout his predict everything just makes life hard.” to work was trust,” says Björn who had
monastic journey. “It’s only human to find DO IT Leave room for miracles to happen, to navigate re-entry into ‘normal’ life and
other people annoying. But it can be an advises Björn. Don’t overpack your diary to find a job a!er 17 years as a monk.
unnecessary drain on your resources,” ensure you have a little time and space each DO IT “Trying to control everything
he says. Accepting others, just as they are, day to ‘just be’. A valuable idea or wondrous makes life lonely, tough, fraught and
makes life easier and relaxes you both. thought could come at such a moment. anxious. Trust life a bit more!” says Björn.
The same goes when you feel accepted, Ask yourself if trust or control is best for

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just as you are; you feel welcome, without you in a certain situation – perhaps a
judgement, and are able to move forward Let go of balance of both is required. You can
with all of your strengths and talents. ‘should’ plan a holiday, but you may have
DO IT To build empathy for other people, Over time, you develop ideas to trust that you will enjoy it.
Björn suggests visualising yourself and on how things should be, how
everyone around you as pebbles on a beach. tasks should be done, or how people
“When we get to the beach, we’re all rough should behave. This mindset reduces
and jagged pebbles. Then the waves of life your flexibility and narrows the chance
roll in. And if we can find it in us to stay there of you learning something new.

Create moments of
© Ge!y Images / dane_mark

stillness to allow your

inner wisdom to speak up
PSYCHOLOGY NOW 41
* Queen’s University, Kingston, Canada