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Table of Contents

Using this eBook

Acknowledgements

Dedication

About the Author

Table of Contents

1. Introduction

Imagination Unlimited

Start Experimenting

GNU C Compiler

Learn by Example

What Will You Learn?

Fourth Edition and Compatibility

Raspberry Pi OS

What About 64-bit?

Keyboard Computing

The Significance of ARM

Raspberry Pi Through the Ages

Compute Modules

Notation in Use

Table Terminology

Centre for Computing History

Companion Website and Free Books

2. Starting Out

Numbers with Meaning

ARM Instructions

The Transformation Process

Why Machine Code?

Language Levels

Into Orbit

RISC and Instruction Sets

Assembler Structure

Error Of Your Ways

Cross Compilers

The Raspberry Pi ARM Chips(s)

3. First Time Out

The Command Line

Creating A Source File

Come to the Execution

Assembler Errors

The Components

Lack of _start

Linking Files

Tidying Up

A Comment on Comments

Geany Programmer's Editor

4. Bits of a RISC Machine

Binary to Decimal

Binary to Hex

Hex to Decimal and Back

Binary Addition

Subtraction

Twos Complement Numbers

When Twos Don't Add Up

Desktop Calculator

5. ARM Arrangements

Word Lengths

Byte and Word Accessed Memory

Registers

R15 - Program Counter

Current Program Status Register

Bits and Flags

Setting Flags

S Suffix

R14: The Link Register

R13: The Stack Pointer

6. Data Processing

Addition Instructions

Subtraction

Multiplication

Divide Arrives

Move Instructions

Compare Instructions

Ordering Numbers
7. ROS Ins and Outs

SWI and SVC Commands

Writing to the Screen

Reading from the Keyboard

eax and Others

8. Logical Operations

Logical AND

Logical OR

Logical EOR

Logical Instructions

ORR to Convert Character Case

Bit Clear with BIC

Flag Tests

System Call Registers

9. Conditional Execution

Single Flag Condition Codes

EQ: Equal

NE: Not Equal

VS: Overflow Set

VC: Overflow Clear

MI: Minus Set

PL: Plus Clear

CS: Carry Set (HS: Higher or Same)

CC: Carry Clear (LO: Lower)

AL: Always

NV: Never

Multiple Flag Condition Code

HI: Higher (Unsigned)

LS: Lower Than or Same (Unsigned)

GE: Greater or Equal (Signed)

LT: Less Than (Signed)

GT: Greater Than (Signed)

LE: Less Than or Equal To (Signed)

Mixing the S Suffix

10. Branch and Compare

Branch Instructions
 The Link Register

Using Compare Instructions

Compare Forward Thinking

Branch Exchange

11. Shifts and Rotates

Logical Shifts

Logical Shift Right

Arithmetic Shift Right

Rotations

Extended Rotate

Uses of Shifts and Rotates

Immediate Constant Range

Top Move

12. Smarter Numbers

Long Multiplication

Long Accumulation

Division and Remainder

Smarter Multiplication

Much More Inside

13. Program Counter R15

Pipelining

Calculating Branches

14. Debugging with GDB

Frozen Cases

Assembling for GDB

The Disassembler

Breakpoints

Breakpoint Labels

Memory Dump

Shortcuts

GDB Make Options

15. Data Transfer

ADR Directive

Indirect Addressing

ADR and LDR

Pre-Indexed Addressing

Accessing Memory Bytes

 Address Write Back

Post-Indexed Addressing

Byte Conditions

PC Relative Addressing

16. Block Transfer

Write Back

Block Copy Routine

17. Stacks

Push and Pull

Stack Growth

Stack Application

Framed Work

Frame Pointer

18. Directives and Macros

Data Storage Directives

Aligning Data

Macros

Including Macros

19. File Handling

File Permissions

20. Using libc

Using C Functions in Assembler

Source File Structure

Investigating the Executable

Number Input with Scanf

Getting This Information

21. Writing Functions

Function Standards

More Than Three

Preserving Links and Flags

Robust Print Routines

22. Disassembling C

GCC - The Swiss Army Knife

 A Simple C Framework

Sourcing the Assembler

A printf Example

Frame Pointer Variables

Disassembling System Calls

23. GPIO Functions

Memory Mapping

The GPIO Controller

GPIO In and Outs

Building the Code

Other GPIO Functions

GPIO Pins Explained

24. Floating-Point

VFP Architecture

The Register File

Managing and Printing

Assembling and Debugging VFP with GDB

Load, Store and Move

Precision Conversion

Vector Arithmetic

25. VFP Control Register

Conditional Execution

Scalar and Vector Operations

Which Type of Operator?

Len and Stride

26. Neon

Neon Assembler

Neon Instructions and Data Types

Addressing Modes

VLD and VST in their Stride

Load of Others

Neon Intrinsic

Neon Arrays

Order Correctly

Matrix Math

Multi Matrix

Macro Matrix Example

27. Thumb Code

Differences

Assembling Thumb

Accessing High Registers

Stack Operators

Single and Multi-Register

Functions in Thumb

ARMv7 Thumb Instructions

28. Unified Language

Thumb Changes

New A32 Instructions

Compare by Zero

Assembling UAL

29. Exception Handing

Modes of Operation

Vectors

Register Arrangements

Exception Handling

MRS and MSR

Interrupts When?

Your Interrupt Decisions

Returning from Interrupts

Writing Interrupt Routines

30. System on a Chip

The ARM Chip & Instruction Sets

Co-processors

Pipeline

Memory & Caches

The GPU

ARMv8 Overview

Raspberry Pi OS 64-Bit

In Summary

Archimedes Principle

A. ASCII Character Set

B. ARM Instruction Set

Load/Store Suffixes

Compare and Test Instructions

 Branch Instructions

Arithmetic Instructions

Logical Instructions

Data Movement Instructions

C. RPi OS Syscalls
Using this eBook

I love eBooks! Loaded onto my Kindle Paperwhite I can take my favourite books with me, in

my pocket, wherever I go and have immediate access to them when and where I want. An

eBook copy of any Ken Follett book is much easier to manage than the oft 800-odd page hard-

back equivalent.

As far as technical books go, it may sometimes not be as straightforward as when reading a

novel. Because eBooks are a one size fits all entity, it makes formatting them for all possible

instances difficult. In fact, it is a lot easier to format a print book than an eBook.

Long program listings, especially which contain copious comments can be unwieldly in an

eBook. Thus, I would strongly advise downloading the source code for the programs and

scrutinising these at the relevant point. There are several tables and figures, and in many cases,

you can click on the highlighted corner to display the table full screen.

Figure. eBook open on Raspberry Pi Desktop, along with appropriate program.

Acknowledgements

Thanks go to Richard Khoury for his help with the C segments within this book and the finer

art of using GCC and GDB. Thanks to Mike Ginns for the concepts of several programs listed

here. Some listings originate from his book Archimedes Assembly Language which was first

published by Dabs Press in 1988. (A key to how old the ARM is!) Also, I am grateful to Brian

Scallan, Steve Cirelli and Tony Palmer for their feedback and updates. I am also indebted to

the many readers who have written with suggestions to improve this book.

Michael B pointed out that the eBook 'Table of Contents' was missing Chapter 22! The

Chapter does indeed exist within the original eBook, just as a duplicate Chapter 21! This has

now been corrected.

Shelton Caruthers noted the programs in Chapter 20 contain some redundent code. This is

found at the '_exit:' labels in the code. This is never executed as the the PUSH and POP

instructions take care of the entry and exit process. I have not edited this in the code as it

stands.
This Book

Raspberry Pi Operating System Assembly Language Hands-on-Guide - Fourth Edition

© Bruce Smith

eBook editions 1 ,2 3, Previously published as Raspberry Pi Assembly Language Raspbian

ISBN 978-0-9923916-0-7 Fourth edition Revised and updated: March 2021 [0004], August

2021 [0004a].

ISBN: 978-0-6480987-4-4

Editor: Alan Ford Edits, Melanie Smith Cover: Sumit Shringi, Graphic Designer (Book Cover-

Design)

All Trademarks and Registered Trademarks are hereby acknowledged. Within this Hands On

Guide the term BBC refers to the British Broadcasting Corporation. Raspberry Pi and the

Raspberry Pi logos are registered trademarks of the Raspberry Pi Foundation.

Raspberry Pi OS Assembly Language: Hands On Guide is not endorsed by the Raspberry Pi

Foundation.

All rights reserved. No part of this book (except brief passages quoted for critical purposes) or

any of the computer programs to which it relates may be reproduced or translated in any form,

by any means mechanical electronic or otherwise without the prior written consent of the

copyright holder.

Disclaimer: Whilst every effort has been made to ensure that the information in this publication

(and any programs and software) is correct and accurate, the author and publisher can accept

no liability for any consequential loss or damage, however caused, arising as a result of the

information printed in this book and on any associated websites. Because neither BSB nor the

author have any control over the way in which the contents of this book is used, no warranty is

given or should be implied as to the suitability of the advice or programs for any given

application. No liability can be accepted for any consequential loss or damage, however caused,

arising as a result of using the programs or advice printed in this book.

Source Code

Source code and supplementary material referenced in this book is available to readers via the

author's website at: www.​

brucesmith.info. Published by BSB. www.brucesmith.info.
Dedication

Dedicated to all the health care workers, nurses, doctors and carers around the world. To the

ones that gave their all in a time of need during the pandemic. Their memory will be embedded

into our hearts for years to come. Thank you.

Exploring the Variety of Random
Documents with Different Content
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Famous
funny fellows
 This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United
States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away
or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License
included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you
are not located in the United States, you will have to check the
laws of the country where you are located before using this
eBook.

Title: Famous funny fellows

Brief biographical sketches of American humorists

Author: William Montgomery Clemens

Release date: July 21, 2024 [eBook #74088]

Language: English

Original publication: Cleveland: William W. Williams, 1882

Credits: Alan, Susan E. and the Online Distributed Proofreading

Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced
from images generously made available by The
Internet Archive)

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FAMOUS FUNNY

FELLOWS ***
 FAMOUS

FUNNY FELLOWS

BRIEF BIOGRAPHICAL

SKETCHES OF AMERICAN HUMORISTS

BY
WILL M. CLEMENS

CLEVELAND, OHIO
WILLIAM W. WILLIAMS
1882
Copyright, 1882.
By Will M. Clemens.
All rights reserved.
 CONTENTS.

PAGE
1. Frontispiece
2. Introduction 7
3. Samuel Langhorne Clemens (“Mark Twain”) 11
4. Charles Farrar Browne (“Artemus Ward”) 24
5. Charles Heber Clark (“Max Adeler”) 34
6. Charles B. Lewis (“M. Quad”) 41
7. Henry W. Shaw (“Josh Billings”) 49
8. Jay Charlton Goldsmith (“The P. I. Man”) 58
9. William Tappan Thompson (“Major Jones”) 63
10. Melville D. Landon (“Eli Perkins”) 69
11. Charles Follen Adams (“Yawcob Strauss”) 74
12. Seba Smith (“Major Jack Downing”) 79
13. Will W. Clark (“Gillhooley”) 84
14. Irwin Russell 89
15. John H. Williams (“B. Dadd”) 94
16. James M. Bailey (“Danbury News Man”) 100
17. Charles H. Smith (“Bill Arp”) 104
18. A. Miner Griswold (“Fat Contributor”) 113
19. Bill Nye 117
20. Joseph C. Neal (“Charcoal Sketcher”) 123
21. George H. Derby (“John Phœnix”) 130
22. George W. Peck 134
23. Alexander Edwin Sweet 138
24. Samuel W. Small (“Old Si”) 143
25. Charles Hoyt 146
26. Henry Clay Lukens (“Erratic Enrique”) 150
27. William A. Wilkins (“Hiram Green, Esq.”) 154
28. Charles H. Harris (“Carl Pretzel”) 161
29. Joel Chandler Harris (“Uncle Remus”) 165
30. David Ross Locke (“Petroleum V. Nasby”) 170
31. Robert Jones Burdette (“The Hawkeye Man”) 175
32. Joe C. Aby (“Hoffenstein”) 183
33. Edward E. Edwards 189
34. Eugene Field 193
35. Stanley Huntley (“Spoopendyke”) 200
36. Some Other Funny Fellows 207
FAMOUS FUNNY FELLOWS.
 INTRODUCTION.

The rollicking newspaper humor of the day is of modern origin. It is

even yet young in years. Humorists and newspaper wits were once—
say a score of years ago—considered a rarity in America. At that
time humor of the day meant the productions of a very few—Mark
Twain, Joe Neal, Artemus Ward, Major Jones, and one or two others.
To-day it means a certain jeu d’esprit that can readily be discovered
in almost every first-class newspaper extant. In fact, every American
journal of any prominence possesses its salaried paragrapher, who is
required to produce, at stipulated intervals, a certain quantity of
original humor, whether or no the said paragrapher be in a
humorous mood.
A paragrapher is a writer of paragraphs, and paragraphs, in an
American newspaper, are commonly understood to be short, concise,
spicy and readable gems of wit and humor. In undertaking to
present, in printed form, brief biographical sketches relative to the
life, character, and works of representative American humorists, I
entered into the work with the idea of entertaining and pleasing the
American public at large, and not with the intent of delighting the
individual humorist.
The volume that I offer to the reading public is the work of two
years, or at least a portion of that time. When I first began on the
work I wrote to Mark Twain, asking for a brief introduction, thinking
that such an acquisition to the book, coming from such a source,
would be highly valuable. At the time of receiving my letter the
genial humorist was busily engaged putting the finishing touches to
his Tramp Abroad, and he, as a result, cruelly—I will not say
wantonly—cut me off with a shilling. However, I give Twain’s reply to
my communication, for, notwithstanding its briefness, the epistle
contains at least one small grain of that peculiar wit for which the
funny man of Hartford is noted. Here it is:
“Hartford, Conn., Nov. 18, 1879.
“Will M. Clemens:
“My Dear Friend—Your letter received. Lord bless your heart! I would
like ever so much to comply with your request, but I am thrashing
away at my new book, and am afraid that I should not find time to
write my own epitaph in case I was suddenly called for.
‘Wishing you and your book well, believe me,
Yours truly,
Samuel L. Clemens.”

There being such a vast field from which to select the titles to these
sketches, I have, perhaps, unintentionally omitted or neglected a
certain few of the great and growing circle of funny men. I have also
omitted, intentionally, such humorists as Irving, Bret Harte, and
others of a like stamp, who do not, in any sense, belong to the class
of newspaper humorists.
W. M. C.
Cleveland, Ohio, 1882
 SAMUEL LANGHORNE CLEMENS.

Routledge, in his Men of the Time, says that Samuel Langhorne

Clemens, better known by the nom de plume of Mark Twain, was
born in Florida, Monroe county, Missouri, November 30, 1835. During
the last ten years newspaper reports have made Mark Twain the
native of a dozen different localities. According to these reports Mark
has been born in Adair county, Kentucky; in Fentress county,
Tennessee; in Hannibal, Missouri; and in various other places.
However, it is proper for me to state that Mark was born in but one
place, and all at one time. Routledge is evidently correct as to both
time and place.
The parents of Mark Twain were married in Kentucky and lived for
some years in that State. His mother states that he was always an
incorrigible boy, filled with roving imaginations from his very earliest
age, and could never be persuaded or forced to attend to his books
and study, as other boys did. He lost his father at the age of twelve,
and soon after left school for good. When about fifteen years of age,
Mark came into the house one day and asked his mother for five
dollars. On being questioned as to what he wanted with it, he said
he wanted it to start out traveling with. He failed to obtain the five
dollars, but he assured his mother that he would go all the same,
and he really went, nor did the old lady ever set eyes on him again
until he had become a man. Starting out on his travels he learned
the printing business, and supported himself by working at the case.
Clemens was but seventeen when he resolved to become a
steamboat pilot on the Mississippi river. He learned the river in due
time from St. Louis to New Orleans, a distance of 1,375 miles, and
followed the occupation of pilot until he was twenty-four years old.
In 1861 an elder brother was appointed Lieutenant-governor of
Nevada Territory. He offered Mark the position of private secretary,
and the young man deserted the river and went West. After a few
months he abandoned the life of a private secretary, and started out
to seek a fortune in the mines. In this he was unsuccessful, although
at one time, for the space of a few minutes, Mark owned the famous
Comstock lode, and was worth millions. He found all this out after he
sold the claim.
After this, Clemens became a reporter and correspondent, writing to
the Territorial Enterprise and other papers, and occasionally doing
work at the case. He wrote at times over the nom de plume of Mark
Twain, a title he adopted from his experiences as a pilot. It was
during these years, between 1862 and 1866, that Mark perpetrated
many broad and practical jokes, using his journalistic position as a
channel. These publications gave him considerable notoriety in the
West, and especially on the Pacific coast. For several years he was
local editor of the Virginia City Enterprise, but in 1864 he removed to
San Francisco, where he was offered a good position on a paper
there. In 1865 he went to the Sandwich Islands, to write up the
sugar plantations. His letters were very readable and were published
mostly in the Sacramento Union. All this time Mark was struggling
with legitimate literary work, and published occasional sketches in
literary weeklies, which were widely copied. On his return from
Hawaii he lectured for a short time in California and Nevada. Some
of his sketches having attracted attention in the East, Mark sailed for
New York in the early part of 1867, and published a small volume of
sketches, entitled The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras, and
Other Sketches. The book sold well in the United States, and was
afterwards republished in England. Nearly all the sketches that
appeared in the book had previously been published in the San
Francisco papers.
In 1868, Mr. Clemens formed one of a party who sailed in the
steamship Quaker City, for an extended excursion to Palestine and
the Holy Land. He went in the capacity of a newspaper
correspondent as well as for pleasure, and wrote interesting letters
while abroad to the California papers. Returning to America he
gathered his letters together and re-wrote them in book form, which
he called Innocents Abroad, or the New Pilgrim’s Progress. The work
was very funny, yet notwithstanding the rollicking satire, and laugh-
provoking character of the book, the author met with the greatest
difficulty in getting it published. He sent his manuscript to the
leading publishers of New York, Boston, and Philadelphia, and they
all refused it. Mark’s literary vanity was sorely wounded, and he was
about determined to throw his book into the fire when a literary
friend, Albert D. Richardson, now deceased, to whom he handed the
manuscript, pronounced it very clever and offered to take it with him
to Hartford, Connecticut, where was located the American Publishing
Company, a firm that had issued several books for Richardson. After
much talk and discussion among the directors of the publishing
company, the book was finally issued. Its success was extraordinary,
and since its publication over 200,000 copies of the book have been
sold. The publishing company cleared $75,000 by the venture.
In 1869 Twain tried journalism for a time in Buffalo, where he held
an editorial position on a daily paper. While there he fell in love with
a young lady, a sister of “Dan”—made famous in Innocents Abroad—
but her father, a gentleman of wealth and position, looked
unfavorably upon his daughter’s alliance with a Bohemian literary
character.
“I like you,” he said to Mark, “but what do I know of your
antecedents? Who is there to answer for you, anyhow?”
After reflecting a few moments, Mark thought some of his old
California friends would speak a good word for him. The prospective
father-in-law wrote letters of inquiry to several residents of San
Francisco, to whom Clemens referred him, and with one exception,
the letters denounced him bitterly, especially deriding his capacity for
becoming a good husband. Mark sat besides his fiancee when the
letters were read aloud by the old gentleman. There was a dreadful
silence for a moment, and then Mark stammered: “Well, that’s pretty
rough on a fellow, anyhow?”
His betrothed came to the rescue however, and overturned the mass
of testimony against him by saying, “I’ll risk you, anyhow.”
The terrible father-in-law lived in Elmira, New York, and there Mark
was married. He had told his friends in the newspaper office at
Buffalo, to select him a suite of rooms in a first-class boarding house
in the city, and to have a carriage at the depot to meet the bride and
groom. Mark knew they would do it, and gave himself no more
anxiety about it. When he reached Buffalo, he found a handsome
carriage, a beautiful span of horses and a driver in livery. They drove
him up to a handsome house on an aristocratic street, and as the
door was opened, there were the parents of the bride to welcome
them home. The old folks had arrived on the quiet by a special train.
After Mark had gone through the house and examined its elegant
finishings, he was notified officially that he had been driven by his
own coachman, in his own carriage, to his own house. They say
tears came to his wonderfully dark and piercing eyes, and that all he
could say was “Well, this is a first-class swindle.”
Not long after his marriage, Mark settled down in Hartford, and
invested capital in insurance companies there. His second book,
Roughing It, appeared in 1871, and had almost as large a sale as its
predecessor. He visited England a few months later, and arranged for
the publication of his works there in four volumes. On his return he
issued his third book, in partnership with Charles Dudley Warner,
which was styled The Gilded Age. This was followed by the
Adventures of Tom Sawyer, a book for boys, in 1876. These books all
commanded an immense sale, and several editions have been
exhausted. The American Publishing Company of Hartford
represented these works in this country, Chatto & Windus published
them in England, and Mark’s continental publisher was Tauchnitz of
Leipzig.
April 11, 1878, Mark Twain sailed for Europe on the steamship
Holsatia. He was accompanied by his family, and after drifting about
for some months on foreign shores, settled down to spend the
summer in Germany. In 1879 he returned to his home in Hartford,
and after several months of work produced another book, A Tramp
Abroad. This work had a ready and a very large sale, and has
become quite popular. In 1881 he issued another book through a
Boston house, The Prince and Pauper. This also has had a large sale
in this and other countries.
Among his other accomplishments Clemens is a politician, and has
done good service on the stump for the Republican party. For all this
he is the proud possessor of the title of Honorable.
Many of the most ludicrous scenes in the works of Mark Twain are
taken from life. The steamboat scene in the adventures of Colonel
Sellers, was witnessed by him when a young man. His adventure
with a dead man was in his father’s office in Missouri. His description
of the horror creeping over him, as he saw a ghastly hand lying in
the moonlight; how he tried to shut his eyes and tried to count, and
opened them in time to see the dead man lying on the floor stiff and
stark, with a ghastly wound in his side, and lastly how he beat a
terrified retreat through the window, carrying the sash with him, is
vividly remembered by every reader of The Gilded Age. The whole
thing transpired just as Mark recorded it—the man was killed in a
street fight almost in front of Mr. Clemens’ door, was taken in there
while a post mortem examination was held, and there left until the
next morning. During the night Mark came in, and the scene he
described was really enacted.
The Clemens mansion in Hartford is a model of architectural beauty,
and is elegantly finished in the interior. In the library, over the large
fire-place, is a brass plate with the inscription in old English text:
“The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.” Mark does
not use the library for his study, but does nearly all his writing in the
billiard room at the top of the house. It is a long room, with sloping
sides, is light and airy, and very quiet. In this room Mark writes at a
plain table, with his reference books lying scattered about him. He
makes it an invariable rule to do a certain amount of literary work
every day, and his working hours are made continuous by his not
taking a mid-day meal. He destroys much manuscript, and it is said
he rewrote five hundred pages of one of his popular books. Mark is
an industrious worker, and continues his labors the year round. In
summer he retreats to his villa on the Hudson, or to a little cottage
in the mountains near Elmira, New York. There he finds the most
quiet solitude, and there he works undisturbed. Mark is fond of his
home life, and of his three beautiful children. He has achieved a
notable success as a lecturer, both in this country and in England.
The humor of Mark Twain is never forced. It bubbles up of its own
accord, and is always fresh. In his recent books he shows less of
genuine wit than in his earlier works perhaps, but yet his writings
are always readable. He sent me, not long since, a printed slip of his
biography, taken from Men of the Time, and on the margins of this
appeared the following bon mot:
“My Dear Clemens:
“I haven’t any humorous biography—the facts don’t admit of it. I had
this sketch from Men of the Time printed on slips to enable me to
study my history at my leisure. S. L. Clemens.”
There is a popular feeling abroad in the land to the effect that Mark
Twain is a very funny man, and that he is seldom sober. This is a
grave mistake. Mr. Clemens is by nature a very serious, thoughtful
man. True he seldom writes that which is not humorous, but
occasionally he pens a very careful, serious communication, like the
following for instance, which he addressed to a young friend of
mine:
“Hartford, January 16, 1881.
“My Dear Boy:—How can I advise another man wisely, out of such a
capital as a life filled with mistakes? Advise him how to avoid the like?
No—for opportunities to make the same mistakes do not happen to
any two men. Your own experiences may possibly teach you, but
another man’s can’t. I do not know anything for a person to do but
just peg along, doing the things that offer, and regretting them the
next day. It is my way, and everybody’s.
“Truly yours,
S. L. Clemens.”
A writer in the San Francisco Chronicle wrote, not many years since,
as follows: “There have been moments in the lives of various kind
hearted and respectable citizens of California and Nevada, when, if
Mark Twain were up before them as members of a vigilance
committee for any mild crime, such as mule stealing or arson, it is to
be feared his shrift would have been short. What a dramatic picture
the idea conjures up, to be sure! Mark, before those honest men,
infuriated by his practical jokes, trying to show them what an
innocent creature he was when it came to mules, or how the only
policy of fire insurance he held had lapsed, and how void of guile he
was in any direction, and all with that inimitable drawl, that
perplexed countenance, and the peculiar scraping back of the left
foot, like a boy speaking his first piece at school. It is but fair to say
that the fun Mark mixed up for citizens in those days, was not
altogether appreciated in the midst of it, for some one, touched too
sharply, surge bat amari aliquid, and Mark had another denouncer
joined to the wounded throng. . . . . . He is keenly sensitive to
sympathy or criticism, and relates, as one of the most harrowing
experiences of his life, a six hours’ ride across England, his fellow
traveler an Englishman, who, shortly after they started, drew forth
the first volume of the English edition of Innocents Abroad from his
pocket, and calmly perused it from beginning to end without a smile.
Then he drew forth the second volume and read it as solemnly as
the first. Mark says he thought he should die, yet John Bull was
probably enjoying it after his own undemonstrative style.”
In another instance the same writer says of Mark Twain: “This
literary wag has performed some services which entitle him to the
gratitude of his generation. He has run the traditional Sunday-school
book boy through his literary mangle and turned him out washed
and ironed into a proper state of flatness and collapse. That whining,
canting, early-dying anæmic creature was the nauseating model held
up to the full-blooded mischievous lads of by-gone years as worthy
their imitation. He poured his religious hypocrisy over every honest
pleasure a boy had. He whined his lachrymose warnings on every
playground. He vexed their lives. So, when Mark grew old enough he
went gunning for him, and lo, wherever his soul may be, the skin of
the strumous young pietist is now neatly tacked up to view on the
Sunday-school door of to-day as a warning, and the lads of to-day
see no particular charm in a priggish, hydropathical existence.”
Samuel Langhorne Clemens is in the high tide of his success. He is
yet a young man, as far as the literary life goes. Outside of his book
making, he has given the fun-loving public some admirable things in
the way of wit and humor through the pages of the leading
magazines. The originality of his writings in the past is retained in
his work of the present, and he gives promise of many original
things in the future. He has a liking for the monotonous labor of
literary work, his health is as yet unimpaired, he has been fortunate
in love and in financial affairs, is consequently happy, and will yet
give to the world of letters many quaint, bright, and original ideas.
Artemus Ward and Mark Twain are without a doubt the two leading
humorists of the present century. While we have the Artemus that
was, we possess the Mark that is. He leads the van of humorists who
eke out an existence in the present. He is the prince of funny men.
Long live the prince.
 CHARLES FARRAR BROWNE.

Probably no writer in America—or out of it, for that matter—ever

attained such universal notoriety, in such a brief space of time, as
did that king of American humorists, Artemus Ward. His career was
short but successful, and his fame will live as long as does the
English language. Charles Farrar Browne was born in the hamlet of
Waterford, Maine, on the 26th day of April, 1834, and died at
Southampton, England, March 6, 1867. After graduating from the
free village school at Waterford he sought and obtained employment
in a printing office. As a printer’s apprentice he traveled throughout
the New England States, stopping for a brief period at one place and
then another. Finally Charles settled down in Boston, where he
obtained employment as compositor in the office of a weekly paper.
He soon after began to compose comic stories and essays for
different periodicals, which met with medium success.
Browne remained there but a short time, however, being of a roving
disposition, and a few months later he gave up his idea of settling in
Boston and left for the West, with but one suit of clothes (those
were on his back) and with a few cents in his pocket. He obtained
work as local reporter on papers in Cincinnati and Toledo, Ohio, and
finally brought up at Cleveland in 1857, in which city he obtained a
situation as reporter on the morning Plain Dealer. His old associates
in Cleveland tell me that Browne at this time was considered one of
the characters of the town. His dress was always shabby and scant;
his habits irregular, and his general appearance that of a country
“greenhorn.” He delighted in wearing on his head a large crowned
slouch hat, and his pantaloons were as a rule nearly a foot too short
for him. Being tall, slim, and bony, his appearance in those days as
he slouched along the streets of Cleveland in search of items could
not have been very prepossessing, to say the least. “He was then,”
says a well known humorist, “a mild-mannered, sunny-tempered
young fellow of twenty-three, who delighted in witty anecdotes, and
told droll stories in an inimitable way.”
Despite his looks, Browne was a brilliant and ready writer. He
became involved in numerous journalistic quarrels, and his cutting
remarks and timely rebukes to his contemporaries soon made known
the fact that he could not be mastered.
A. Miner Griswold, the Cincinnati humorist, tells the following story
of Browne at that time: “The first night of our acquaintance he took
me to a school exhibition on Cleveland heights, and his whispered
comments upon the performance amused me greatly. They gave a
portion of the play of Rolla: ‘How now, Gomez, what bringest thou?’
Gomez: ‘On yonder mountain we surprised an old Peruvian.’ Said
Brown in a whisper, ‘They knew him by his bark, a small bundle of
which you perceive he carries on his shoulder.’ There have been
many Peruvian bark jokes since, but that was then fresh to me—too
fresh, perhaps. But one finds plenty of funny people at twenty-two,
and I little dreamed that my entertainer, the green young man by
the name of Browne, was destined to make the whole world laugh,
and weep, too, when it heard of his death. It did occur to me as we
drove back in the buggy that my new friend was the least bit
eccentric. After riding along in silence for a time he suddenly
declared that he liked me, and asked me if I had any objections to
one embrace. Then he attempted to throw his arms around me, but
owing to the darkness, I suppose, he embraced a new plug hat that
I wore, and when he let go it was crushed into a shapeless mass. He
apologized profusely when he discovered what he had done,
appeared to give way to a momentary burst of tears, and then said
that Shakespeare wouldn’t have succeeded as a local editor, because
he hadn’t the necessary fancy and imagination.
“Barring an unreasonable desire to drive off the canal bridge into the
water, which I prevailed upon him to relinquish with some difficulty,
we reached the city without further incident. His humorous account
of the school exhibition in the next day’s paper confirmed me in the
impression that the young man by the name of Browne possessed a
rare streak of original humor.”
The following autumn Browne published his first “Artemus Ward”
letter that was extensively copied, an account of the Atlantic cable
celebration in Baldwinsville; followed soon after by the Free Lovers
of Berlin Heights, and later his letters from “Artemus Ward,
showman,” appeared, which attracted general attention.
In the early part of 1860, Browne surrendered his position as city
editor of the Plain Dealer, and left Cleveland for New York. In the
metropolis he was engaged as a contributor to Vanity Fair, a comic
weekly paper that had but recently been established. Vanity Fair was
a success for a time, but it was not lasting. Some months after his
arrival in New York, Browne was offered the position as editor of the
publication, and after some hesitancy, he accepted. The paper
suspended soon after, and the young humorist was thrown upon his
own resources once again. Several positions were offered him on
various New York journals, but he concluded to give up journalism
for a time and turn his attention to lecturing.
His first lecture, which was of a humorous nature, was delivered in
New York city, December 23, 1861, and was well received. As a
lecturer he was at once acknowledged as a success, and
immediately delivered his mirth provoking orations in various parts of
the country. In 1862 he published his first book, entitled Artemus
Ward, His Book. In 1863 he paid a visit to the Pacific coast, making
an overland trip, visiting Salt Lake city, and addressing large
audiences wherever he stopped.
Returning to New York city in 1864, he opened his illustrated
lectures on California and Utah with immense success. About this
time his other books, Artemus Ward Among the Mormons, and Ward
Among the Fenians, appeared. In 1866 he was prevailed upon by his
friends to visit England, where he became a regular contributor to
Punch, and gave his lecture on the Mormons, in the British
metropolis. But while he was convulsing all London with laughter he
was fast falling a victim to consumption, and becoming worse he
went to Guernsey in 1867 for the benefit of his health. He became
no better, and when he was just about preparing to return to
America, he died at Southampton, March 6, 1867. By his will, after
providing for his mother, leaving legacies to his friends, and his
library of valuable books to a school-boy friend in his native village,
he left the bulk of his property in trust to Horace Greeley for the
purpose of founding an asylum for printers.
Mark Twain, in a private letter to a friend in Tennessee, says of
Artemus Ward:
“He was one of the kindest and gentlest of men, and the hold he
took on the English people surpasses imagination. Artemus Ward
once said to me gravely, almost sadly:
“‘Clemens, I have done too much fooling, too much trifling; I am
going to write something that will live.”
“‘Well, what for instance?
“In the same grave way, he said:
“‘A lie.’
“It was an admirable surprise. I was just ready to cry; he was
becoming pathetic.”
There have been hundreds of stories of Artemus Ward going the
rounds of the American press during the past twenty years. A few of
them are founded on facts, some of them are good, but many, I am
sorry to say, are base fabrications. This is not the case, however,
with the little reminder that certain residents of Pottstown,
Pennsylvania, are wont to tell. Ward was advertised to deliver his
famous lecture on the Mormons, in the town hall, at Pottstown,
during the winter of one of the earlier years of the war. Much
curiosity was excited by the announcement of his coming, and there
was every reason to expect that the hall would be crowded on the
evening of the lecture. A fierce snow storm raged all day, however,
and the night was wild and stormy. When the lecturer was driven to
the hall, he found waiting for him only five men, who had defied the
storm. Advancing to the stage, and beckoning with the finger, as to
a single individual, Artemus said, in an ordinary conversational tone:
“Come up closer.”
Not knowing precisely what to do, the audience of five compromised
with their embarrassment by doing nothing. Artemus changed his
tone to that used by one who wished to coax, and said:
“Please come up closer, and be sociable. I want to speak to you
about a little matter I have thought of.”
The audience, thus being persuaded, came up a little closer, and the
humorist said:
“I move that we don’t have any lecture here this evening, and I
propose instead that we adjourn to the restaurant beneath and have
a good time.”
Ward then put the motion, voted on it himself, declared it carried,
and, to give no opportunity for an appeal from the chair, at once led
the way to the restaurant. There he introduced himself to his
intended auditors, and spent several hours in their company, richly
compensating them for disappointment in the matter of the lecture,
by the wit and humor of the stories that he told. That was how
Artemus Ward lectured in Pottstown.
Glancing hurriedly through Ward’s volume of sketches, I find none
more amusing than his description of
THE CENSUS.
The sences taker in our town being taken sick, he deppertised me to
go out for him one day, and as he was too ill to give me information
how to perceed, I was consekently compelled to go it blind. Sittin’
down by the roadside I draw’d up the follerin’ list of questions, which
I proposed to ax the people I visited:
Wat’s your age?
Whar’ was you born?
Air you married, and if so, how do you like it?
How many children hav’ you, and do they sufficiently resemble you so
as to proclood the possibility of their belongin’ to any of your nabers?
Did you ever have the measles, and if so, how many?
Hav’ you a twin brother several years older than yourself?
How many parents have you?
Do you read Watt’s Hymns reg’lar?
Do you use bought’n tabacker?
Wat’s your fitin’ weight?
Air you troubled with biles?
How does your meresham culler?
State whether you air blind, deaf, idiotic, or got the heaves?
Do you know any Opry singers, and if so how much do they owe you?
What’s the average of virtoo in the Ery canawl?
If four barrels of emtin’s pored onto a barn floor will kiver it, how
many plase can Dion Boucicault write in a year?
Is beans a reg’lar article of diet in your family?
How many chickens hav’ you, on foot and in the shell?
Air you aware that Injiany whisky is used in New York shootin’ galrys
insted of pistols, and that it shoots furthest?
Was you ever at Niagry Falls?
Was you ever in the penitentiary?
State how much pork, impendin’ crysis, Dutch cheese, poplar
survinity, standard poetry, children’s strainers, slave code, catnip, red
flannel, ancient history, pickled tomatoes, old junk, perfoomery, coal
ile, liberty, hoopskirts, etc., have you got on hand?
But it didn’t work. I got into a row at the first house I stopt at, with
some old maids. Disbelievin’ the answers they give in regard to their
ages I endeavored to open their mouths and look at their teeth, same
as they do with horses, but they floo into a violent rage and tackled
me with brooms and sich. Takin’ the sences requires experience, like
as any other bizness.
Browne had few if any enemies, and hosts of friends. Everyone with
whom he became acquainted became his friend. He was as genial as
he was humorous, and his former companions who are yet alive look
back upon the time when Artemus Ward, the king of American
humorists, took their proffered hand and shook it warmly in his
original and friendly way.
 CHARLES HEBER CLARK.

On the eastern shore of Maryland is situated a town known to the

post-office authorities as Berlin. It was in Berlin in the warm month
of July, 1841, that Charles Heber Clark, “Max Adeler,” first saw the
light of day.
His father was a clergyman in the Episcopal church, but this
appeared to have little effect on Charles, who, like all bad boys,
grew up to make fun of everybody and everything. He was sent to
Georgetown, District of Columbia, early in life, being shipped by
express and labeled “handle with care.” He attended school for a
brief period, learning but little, and jumped into the mercantile world
by moving his linen to Philadelphia.
The mercantile business appeared to agree with his constitution until
1865, when he bethought himself that he had been sent into this
wicked world for the express purpose of becoming a journalist. He
subsequently began his editorial career on the Philadelphia Enquirer
during that same year. Clark made rapid advancement in journalism,
and in 1867 became one of the editors of the Evening Bulletin, of
which paper he is at present one of the proprietors.
It was soon after Clark entered upon his editorial duties at the
Bulletin office that the droll humor of his pen began to attract
general attention. His most amusing articles were written in the
intervals of his private life, and the more serious daily newspaper
work to which he devoted himself. He is not, and never was, a
paragrapher, but has thrown out to the world his droll and grotesque
humor in the form of narratives. His fun is of the most rollicking
kind, and ranks him along with Mark Twain and Artemus Ward.
Three volumes of humor have appeared from his pen.
His best known books are Out of the Hurly Burly, and Elbow Room.
These works appeared several years ago simultaneously in this
country and in England. The sales were large, and over five
thousand copies of Elbow Room were sold in London within a month
after its publication. Both books have been issued in Canada, where
the piratical publishers sold them by the thousand.
His latest work, issued quite early in 1882, entitled The Fortunate
Island and Other Stories, is meeting with a wide sale. It is destined
to become very popular. Mr. Clark is fond of his home and family. His
residence is located in a remote but beautiful suburb of Philadelphia,
where he hopes to live to a ripe old age. Mr. Clark is an excellent
musician, and for a number of years he acted in the capacity of
organist for one of the Quaker City churches.
Besides his book-making Mr. Clark still retains a firm hold on
journalism. He takes a leading interest in his paper, the Bulletin, and
writes the dramatic criticisms and a portion of the editorials. He also
edits the humorous department of Our Continent, a well-known
literary weekly, published in Philadelphia.
As a writer and composer of obituary verse Max Adeler has probably
no equal, unless it be another, older, and more prominent
Philadelphia journalist—Childs, of the Ledger. The following rare
exotics are selected from Out of the Hurly Burly:

“Four doctors tackled Johnny Smith—

They blistered and they bled him;
With squills and anti-bilious pills
And ipecac they fed him.

“They stirred him up with calomel

And tried to move his liver;
But all in vain—his little soul
Was wafted o’er the river.”

Of another little youngster, just departed, Max warbles:

“Little Alexander’s dead;

 Jam him in a coffin;
Don’t have as good a chance
For a funeral often.

“Rush his body right around

To the cemetery,
Drop him in the sepulchre
With his uncle Jerry.”

In another instance, Adeler gets off the following horrible

concoction:

“O! bury Bartholomew out in the woods,

In a beautiful hole in the ground,
Where the bumble-bees buzz and the woodpeckers sing,
And the straddle-bugs tumble around;
So that in winter, when the snow and the slush
Have covered his last little bed,
His brother Artemas can go out with Jane
And visit the place with his sled.”

Then, I am pleased to give another choice selection from Clark’s

wonderful storehouse:

“The death angel smote Alexander McGlue,

And gave him protracted repose;
He wore a checked shirt and number nine shoe,
And he had a pink wart on his nose.

“No doubt he is happier dwelling in space

Over there on the evergreen shore.
His friends are informed that his funeral takes place
Precisely at quarter past four.”

The same volume contains an admirable bit of drollery in the

following take-off on art criticism:
ART NEWS.
We have received from the eminent sculptor, Mr. Felix Mullins, of
Wilmington, a comic bas relief, designed for an ornamental fireboard.
 It represents an Irishman in his night-shirt running away with the little
god Cupid, while the Irishman’s sweetheart demurely hangs her head
in the corner. Every true work of art tells its own story; and we
understand, as soon as we glance at this, that our Irish friend has
been coquetted with by the fair one, and is pretending to transfer his
love to other quarters. There is a lurking smile on the Irishman’s lips,
which expresses his mischievous intentions perfectly. We think it
would have been better to have clothed him in something else than a
night-shirt, and to have smoothed down his hair. We have placed this
chef d’œuvre upon a shelf in our office, where it will undoubtedly be
admired by our friends when they call. We are glad to encourage such
progress in Delaware art.

Adeler has given the public an admirable satire in his

IMPROVED CONGRESSIONAL RECORD.
If Congress resolve to act upon the suggestion of Senator Miller that
the Congressional Record be issued as a weekly and sent to every
family in the country, some modification ought to be made in the
contents of the Record. The paper is much too heavy and dismal in its
present condition to be welcomed in the ordinary American
household. Perhaps it might have a puzzle department, and if so one
of the first puzzles could take the shape of an inquiry how it happens
that so many Congressmen get rich on a salary of five thousand a
year. The department of answers to correspondents could be enriched
with references to letters from office seekers, and the department of
Household Economy could contain explanations of how the members
frank their shirts home through the post-office so as to get them in
the family wash. As for the general contents, describing the business
proceedings in the Senate and the House, we recommend that these
should be put in the form of verse. We should treat them, say,
something in this fashion:

Mr. Hill
Introduced a bill
To give John Smith a pension;
Mr. Bayard
Talked himself tired,
But said nothing worthy of mention.
This would be succinct, musical, and a degree impressive. The
youngest reader could grasp the meaning of it, and it could be easily
committed to memory. Or a scene in the House might be depicted in
such terms as these:

A very able speech was made by Cox, of Minnesota,

Respecting the necessity of protecting the black voter,
’Twas indignantly responded to by Smith, of Alabama,
Whose abominable talk was silenced by the Speaker’s hammer.
Then Atkinson, of Kansas, rose to make an explanation,
But was pulled down by a colleague in a state of indignation.
And Mr. Alexander, in a speech about insurance,
Taxed the patience of his hearers pretty nearly past endurance,
After which Judge Whittaker denounced the reciprocity
Treaty with Hawaii as a scandalous monstrosity.

* * * * *
Of course versification of the Congressional Record would require the
services of a poet laureate of rather unusual powers. If Congress shall
accept seriously the suggestions which we make with an earnest
desire to promote the public interest, we shall venture to recommend
the selection of the Sweet Singer of Michigan as the first occupant of
the laureate’s office.”