The graphs show the number of foreign tourists visiting X country in 2007 and 2008

and the annual income of various businesses in X country in 2007 and 2008.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make
comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The bar graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors in XCountry between 2007 and
2008, and the table depicts the yearly revenue of different professions in XCountry in 2019
and 2020.

Generally, the number of foreign travelers in four regions in 2007 remained stable at high
levels, while the figures in 2008 alternated significantly. Furthermore, the annual earning of
diverse tourism industries in XCountry in 2019 was constantly higher than the statistic in
2020.

Looking at the bar chart, the number of overseas tourists in various areas was consistently
above 2000 people in 2007; besides, this proportion reached a peak at 3000 individuals in
China and Japan. Additionally, in 2008, the numbers of foreign visitors in Europe and two
North American countries reduced dramatically from around 2000 individuals to 500 people
and 300 people, respectively, while the figures of two East Asian countries and Australia
only declined marginally.

Turning to the table, the proportion of yearly income in hospitality contributed a largest
portion to the total revenue, at 3.5 million dollars in 2019; however, this level in
transportation service hit the lowest point at 1.3 million dollars. In 2020, the year-to-year
earning of all service sectors was significantly poor with only 0.5 million dollars for
accommodation service and 0.4 million dollars for transport sector; besides, the statistics of
remaining services were inconsiderable, fluctuated from 1.1 to 1.2 million dollars.

Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp nâng cao

Error: "the annual earning of diverse tourism industries in XCountry in 2019 was constantly
higher than the statistic in 2020." Correction: "the annual earnings of diverse tourism
industries in XCountry in 2019 were consistently higher than the statistics in 2020."
Explanation: The subject "annual earning" should be pluralized to "annual earnings" to
match the plural noun "industries." Additionally, "was" should be changed to "were" to agree
with the plural subject. The word "constantly" is better replaced with "consistently" to convey
a more appropriate meaning in this context, and "statistic" should be pluralized to "statistics"
to match the plural context.

Error: "the proportion of yearly income in hospitality contributed a largest portion to the total
revenue" Correction: "the proportion of yearly income in hospitality contributed the largest
portion to the total revenue" Explanation: The article "a" is incorrect here because "largest"
is a superlative adjective that requires "the" to indicate that it is the highest among all
portions.

Error: "this level in transportation service hit the lowest point at 1.3 million dollars."
Correction: "this level in transportation services hit the lowest point at 1.3 million dollars."
Explanation: The term "transportation service" should be pluralized to "transportation
services" to be consistent with the plural form used earlier in the essay and to reflect that it
encompasses multiple services.
Error: "the year-to-year earning of all service sectors was significantly poor" Correction:
"the year-to-year earnings of all service sectors were significantly poor" Explanation: Similar
to the first error, "earning" should be pluralized to "earnings" to match the plural subject "all
service sectors." Additionally, "was" should be changed to "were" to maintain subject-verb
agreement.

Error: "the statistics of remaining services were inconsiderable, fluctuated from 1.1 to 1.2
million dollars." Correction: "the statistics of remaining services were inconsiderable,
fluctuating from 1.1 to 1.2 million dollars." Explanation: The verb "fluctuated" should be
changed to "fluctuating" to maintain parallel structure with "were" and to indicate an ongoing
action rather than a completed one. This change clarifies that the fluctuation is a
characteristic of the statistics being discussed.

Task Achievement
Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:

The essay addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the provided graphs and
making some comparisons. It presents an overview of the data, attempting to highlight key
features. However, the essay includes some inaccuracies. The essay mentions data for
2019 and 2020 in the introduction, while the provided graphs show data for 2007 and 2008.
This indicates a misunderstanding of the data presented. While key features are presented,
the details are not always accurate or fully relevant to the task. The overview is present but
could be more precise and focused. The essay also lacks a clear and concise concluding
statement summarizing the overall trends.

How to improve:

Accuracy: Carefully check the data presented in the graphs and tables before writing the
essay. Ensure all figures and years are correctly reported.

Relevance: Focus on the most significant trends and comparisons. Avoid including
unnecessary details that do not contribute to the overall summary.

Overview: Develop a stronger and more precise overview statement at the beginning of the
essay that clearly summarizes the main trends and comparisons.

Clarity and Conciseness: Use clear and concise language to present the information.
Avoid unnecessary wordiness or repetition.

Conclusion: Include a concluding sentence that summarizes the overall trends and
comparisons presented in the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a
noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the data from the graphs,
the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of
cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the flow of the essay.
For example, phrases like "besides" and "turning to the table" are used, but they do not
effectively link the ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not logical, as the
transitions between the discussion of the bar graph and the table are abrupt.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating
clearer connections between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central
topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help improve the flow of the
essay. Additionally, organizing the information in a more logical sequence and ensuring that
transitions between different sections are smooth will contribute to a better overall structure.

Lexical Resource
Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the
task, allowing for basic communication of ideas. The use of terms like "overseas visitors,"
"yearly revenue," and "hospitality" indicates an attempt to incorporate less common
vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies and awkward phrases, such as "the
proportion reached a peak at 3000 individuals" and "the statistics of remaining services were
inconsiderable," which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are some errors in word
formation and spelling, such as "contributed a largest portion" (should be "the largest
portion") and "fluctuated from 1.1 to 1.2 million dollars," which could be expressed more
clearly. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas, the lexical choices and
occasional errors limit its effectiveness.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on
expanding their vocabulary and using more precise and varied expressions. Practicing the
use of collocations and ensuring correct word forms will improve clarity. Additionally,
proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy can help eliminate minor errors that may
impede communication. Engaging with a wider range of reading materials can also help in
acquiring more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which
is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some instances of grammatical errors and
awkward phrasing (e.g., "the proportion reached a peak at 3000 individuals in China and
Japan" could be clearer), these errorsdo not significantly impede communication. The writer
attempts to use a variety of structures, but the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent,
leading to some confusion in meaning. Punctuation is generally adequate, though there are
moments where clarity could be improved.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the
accuracy of complex sentence structures and reducing grammatical errors. This can be
accomplished by practicing more complex sentence forms and ensuring that all sentences
are clear and coherent. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules and ensuring that all
sentences are error-free will enhance overall clarity and communication. Expanding
vocabulary and using a wider range of grammatical structures will also contribute to a higher
score in this criterion.
Bài chữa tham khảo
The bar graph illustrates the number of overseas visitors to X Country between 2007 and
2008, while the table depicts the annual revenue of various sectors in X Country in 2019 and
2020.

Overall, the number of foreign travelers in four regions in 2007 remained stable at high
levels, whereas the figures in 2008 fluctuated significantly. Furthermore, the annual earnings
of diverse tourism industries in X Country in 2019 were consistently higher than those in
2020.

Examining the bar chart, the number of overseas tourists in various areas was consistently
above 2,000 people in 2007; notably, this figure peaked at 3,000 individuals in both China
and Japan. Additionally, in 2008, the number of foreign visitors in Europe and two North
American countries dropped dramatically from around 2,000 individuals to 500 and 300
people, respectively, while the figures for two East Asian countries and Australia only
experienced a marginal decline.

Turning to the table, the proportion of annual income from the hospitality sector contributed
the largest share to the total revenue, amounting to 3.5 million dollars in 2019; however, the
income from transportation services was the lowest at 1.3 million dollars. In 2020, the year-
on-year earnings of all service sectors were significantly reduced, with only 0.5 million
dollars for accommodation services and 0.4 million dollars for the transport sector. Moreover,
the statistics for the remaining services were minimal, fluctuating between 1.1 and 1.2 million
dollars.